Archive of Our Own

Kris hasn’t had a lot of time to think recently. When their body was taken over by this soul, which was rather crudely represented as a heart, they had to act. They had to help the Black Knight and follow their orders: Slash mom’s tires, open a fountain here, stop Susie from taking Dess’s guitar there, hug Ralsei until he can’t stop blushing. It was keeping them busy. Although, it did irk them how much both soul and the knight were proving to be a pain in the ass. They wished Asriel were here, he’d at least distract them from the chaos for a bit.

Still, it wasn’t all bad. Kris never had so many friends before. Ralsei was very nice to hug, although they wished they could understand why the soul wanted to hug him that many times. Noelle was more terrifying than they thought, although also still as nice as they remembered. Susie was— well, Ralsei always said it better anyways. With the heart pulling them down the road towards Castle Town, Kris forced any thoughts of how they’ll react to the truth to the back of their mind.

Even walking down Castle Town without Ralsei or Susie, they weren’t truly alone. There were the little hitchhikers hijacking their pocket space. Jevil was the first one to join them, though he seemed content to be with Susie. Lancer had joined them as well but had decided to stay back in Castle Town since he was petrified. Kris was glad he did; it didn’t feel good seeing the bouncy boy turn to stone. That just left Spamton.

Kris grimaced, a shiver involuntarily running down their spine. Kris wasn’t sure why the heart was so set on saving him during their fight. They glanced down at their pocket, the pink and yellow lenses glistening from within. Their stomach roiled and they looked back towards the road. The guy made them feel like they were in the house of mirrors at the festival, looking at their twisted reflection. It was them but something was off.

At least at first.

They remembered being healed by him in their first fight. Then after their second battle, Spamton had mentioned that they were strong, that they could break free from their strings. Not only that, he’d been willing to help, something he’s been living up to ever since. The roiling in their stomach lessened. They could understand, wanting to so desperately be free, even if Spamton didn’t know how shitty it was to have a soul. They only hoped Spamton was right.

The TV Studio was right up ahead. They took a deep breath, the heart mercifully letting them pause in front of the door. They didn’t know why they had to go here, they’d rather be back at the festival with Susie but they couldn’t stop themselves as their hand reached out and pushed the door open into the room.

_________________________________

Kris didn’t think it was possible but Tenna was getting close to being as pathetic as their dad.

Kris slid out from the room shortly after Tenna, annoyed, shaken, and annoyed at how shaken they were. They let the heart tug their legs forward, focusing on calming down. They were not going to help Tenna figure out why Mike’s ass was changing size. Still, the way Tenna talked about Spamton felt too real, too familiar. It wasn’t mom and dad. It wasn’t mom and dad. It wasn’t mom and—

“Hey Kris!”

If it weren’t for the soul, Kris was certain they would’ve jumped like Noelle running into Ralsei. Instead, all Kris could manage was a gasp of surprise. Ralsei steps back, giving Kris a little space.

“Oh! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you! I was just wondering where you’d gone and saw that you went here to the studio. What were you up to?”

-> Mike Check

-> Eating Moss

<3 Checking on Tenna

“You did?! Thanks for doing that.” Ralsei’s eyes crinkled shut. He turned, his eyes going to the floor.

“I’ve been a little worried about him since he’s come to Castle Town. I realize having an audience… means a lot to him.” Kris notes how Ralsei’s voice drops. He looks back up, smiling at Kris sadly. Kris gets the feeling he wasn’t just talking about Tenna. They wish they could hug him again.

Ralsei’s smile lifts a bit. He looked towards the town square, where a lot of shouting and laughing were mixing in the air. Kris could see a bunch of Darkners building something in the middle of town.

Ralsei chimes in: “I’m glad we’re able to have this festival! Susie was brilliant for thinking of that. It’ll be nice for her to see it all later. I think Mr. Tenna’s been needing it too. He’s been wanting to do a show for a bit.”

Ralsei turns his attention back towards Kris, his eyes betraying his concern. “How was he?”

-> Peachy Keen

<3 Crashing Out

The heart made Kris explain the casual mental breakdown Tenna had in his room. It also made Kris explain how stressed the Mikes were when they thought they were Tenna. Ralsei looks more and more concerned as they go on. Kris couldn’t or wouldn’t say it out loud but they honestly were proud of the green pippins for standing up to the guy. He was being an ass.

“Oh no. That… doesn’t sound very good, does it?”

Kris nodded. They hadn’t told them about the specifics of the Mikes’ secret, although that seemed more open than they realized.

Ralsei nibbled nervously at his lip, deep in thought. “I noticed how he acted towards his employees in TV World. I guess, I was hoping that maybe Tenna was snapping at them because of the Knight, but…”

Ralsei pressed their hands together, a nervous tick that reminded them painfully of Asriel. “I wonder who his old partner could have been… It sounded like things ended suddenly between the two of them.”

Kris looked down into their pocket where the Dealmakers were. The shades made no inclination that they were listening in. Kris suspected otherwise.

The pause in conversation gave them a moment to think. They got the idea that Spamton and Tenna knew each other. Kris didn’t know Spamton well but they’d never heard the guy sound so soft than when he saw Tenna with that pipis. Both of them kept raging about a “spammy mail guy” and a “CRT”, so it didn’t take much to connect the dots. It seemed like it was all they ever talked about, besides Kris’s “heart-shaped object.” with Spamton or their family with Tenna. Kris saw those old posters in Tenna’s studio too. They looked so happy. Then again, so do their mom and dad. Still, why all the animosity? Why did Tenna have a pipis? Why did he call it an egg??

No.

It can’t be.

Before Kris can stop themselves, they feel the soul take control over their vocal cords, telling Ralsei their inner thoughts about Spamton and Tenna. Ralsei swivels his head toward Kris.

“Huh? Do you mean that weird guy we fought back in Cyber World?”

“Hey-HEY! Keep [my personal records] out of this!” The Dealmakers flew out of their pocket. Spamton emerged after a flash of light, landing on his feet. He looks angrily between the two of them, his nutcracker jaw jabbering uncontrollably.

“That [CRT] is a liar and a phony! Don’t trust anything he says!”

Ralsei gapes, taken aback by his sudden appearance. “But is it true? Did you and Mr. Tenna used to know each other?”

The puppet’s mouth slams shut. He turns around, slouching. “…I’m not [don’t kiss and tell!] anything.”

Ralsei furrows his brow. “Why don’t you try talking to him, Mr. Spamton? It sounds like he regrets not helping you, back in the day.”

“Did the [Spray On Foam] not [lodges for $50 a night] into your brain?” Spamton retorts, glitching out.

Blush creeps over Ralsei’s cheeks. “Oh, right. So much was happening back in TV World, I kind of forgot?

“Why does it [mind over matter] to you anyway-way-way?” Spamton keeps glitching, although is able to stop his voice box from repeating itself.

“Oh, well. It’s just— you’re a part of our group and of Castle Town. I want to make sure you’re able to feel welcomed here.” Ralsei says all of this thoughtfully. Spamton doesn’t react, looking taken off guard. It reminded Kris of when they asked if they were friends.

Ralsei stutters, trying to sound more confident. “Well, um. If you want, we could, uh, maybe we could talk with him for you?”

Spamton’s glasses glaze over, static overtaking his eyes. “…don’t.” He backs away a step, wringing his hands together and swaying side to side.

“…I don’t [don’t want it don’t need it] him to see me like this. I look [100% guarentee] like [$@!?].

“But-“ Ralsei takes a step forward. Kris tries to stop him but is too late.

“forget it.” Spamton takes a few steps further before running away from them. Kris could feel the Dealmakers exit their inventory as Spamton fled.

“No! Wait!” Ralsei runs a few paces forward before stopping. Spamton was already out of sight.

Ralsei shook his head and sighed. “Shoot. I hadn’t meant to-to scare him away like that. I just… wanted to help.”

Kris wasn’t sure if it was the soul or them but something about hearing the puppet sound so sad hit them harder than expected. Seeing Ralsei there too, it made them think too much about… It didn’t matter what they thought, as the heart took control again. They felt themselves speak loudly as the soul spoke out one of their deeper desires. Ralsei’s eyebrows shot up.

“Wait, you want to try and get them to talk?” Kris was as surprised as Ralsei sounded. They tried to leave any of their more personal reasons to help in the back of their throat and to the edges of their mind. Ralsei gives them a kind but skeptical look.

“Well, that’s noble but how do we help them? I’m not… super experienced with interpersonal problems like this.”

The soul turned Kris’s body towards the assembling festival. Ralsei had asked Tenna to perform a show or two for the Darkners in town. Kris felt incredulous as the soul suggested that they go onto Tenna’s show.

Ralsei blinks as the idea settles in. “Oh! That’s a good idea! We’re already familiar with Mr. Tenna’s games, so it shouldn’t be too hard for us. Although, I’m not sure how this involves Spamton?” Ralsei looks between the two of them.

“Also, there’s only two of us, we’d have to find someone else to play along besides Susie…”

Before they had to explain further, a light goes off over Ralsei. “Unless, wait! Are you saying Spamton’s replacing Susie?!” Kris nods. Ralsei cocks his head, scratching his chin with one of his hands.

“Not a bad idea. They’d at least be in the same place. I don’t think Tenna would risk attacking a contestant.” Ralsei pauses, frowning a bit. “Well, at least not now I hope.” He looks a little more troubled as he thinks more. “Still, I’m unsure if he’d play fair, since he’s hosting the show and all…”

The soul then thinks of something that Kris finds insane.

<3 You’re not playing

Ralsei puts his hand down and stops leaning his head. “Huh? What do you mean?”

<3 You’re hosting

“Wh-What? Me, hosting??? But that doesn’t make sense! This is Mr. Tenna’s show, not mine!”

Kris shakes their head, hoping that Ralsei understands what they’re trying to say. Another lightbulb goes off. Ralsei’s eyes shine despite how anxious he sounds. “Wait, wait. Are you saying that we should have Mr. Tenna be a contestant?” Kris gives Ralsei a thumbs up, head dizzy from shaking it earlier:

Ralsei fiddles with his hands again, not meeting Kris’s eyes. “Kris, I’m not sure that’s the best idea! I mean, Mr. Tenna has… experience! Charisma! A whole personality!”

He looks off to the side, facing away from Kris. “I’m not sure people would like me… as a host much.” Kris feels three different thoughts float up into their conscience.

<3 I’d like you… as a host

-> You’d be okay at it

-> You’re cute, that’s all you need

God, why did the heart always choose the most cheesy option?

This, of course, makes the goat boy turn a deep shade of pink. He stutters, which Kris will admit is adorable. “Huh? Wah- Well. If you think I’d be good at it…”

Ralsei turns toward him, smiling so brightly, dare Kris say confidently. “I guess I can give it a shot!”

Ralsei tilts his head again, deep in thought. “Hmmm, still, we’re going to need help. I mean, we’re hijacking a whole performance! We’re also going to need to find Spamton for this to work.”

He turns to Kris, looking more authoritative. “Kris, we should ask around. Maybe some of Tenna’s employees could help us. I’ll poke around the town square, you check around the castle! I’ll meet you back there!” With that, Ralsei runs off, his cloak flowing with him.

If Kris had any say in this matter, they wouldn’t get involved with this. It really shouldn’t be up to them to help a spam email and their childhood tv make up. Instead, they felt the soul quiver in their chest before making Kris head towards the castle. They get to space off as they’re led to Tenna’s room, their legs leading them the way. They wondered if Susie was having fun with Noelle. They hoped they were.

Walking into the swanky room, they see the three Mikes huddled in a corner, scheming what looks like either a coup or the stage show later. Elnina and Lanino eye them suspiciously from the other side of the room. Kris and the soul decide to spare the Mikes for a moment and walk up to the Weather Duo.

“Oh, hi Kris!” They both give a cocky smile at Kris, grabbing their wands. Elnina starts talking first: “Are you checking in on the most fabulous-“ Lanino interjects: “Most powerful-“ they put their wands together with pizazz, saying: “TV Time Duo?”

Kris shakes their head, grinning a little. They’re glad that at least these two seem to be doing well. The couple seem to be as self assured as ever.

“Aww, do you have any questions for us then?” Elnina’s smile softens to something more genuine.

Kris nods. The soul decides to ask them how long they’d been doing the weather for.

“Oh, do you want to answer this, my sun drop?” “Oh no, dear! You can go ahead!” The two of them giggle. Lanino breaks the cutesy impasse. “You know, why not just do it together!” Elnina looks happy at the proposal. “That’s a lovely idea, my moonlight. I’ll start.”

“We’ve been doing the weather as long as Tenna’s been doing TV Time!”

“Yes, I think some Cyber World denizens would call us the “OG’s”, whatever that means.”

“Some duos and programs have come and gone but…”

“The weather always stays together!”

The soul latches on to those last two sentences. Kris can’t stop it when it makes them ask if there was ever anyone who worked with Tenna closely. The couple tense at the same time, their eyes narrowing a bit. They both begin to stutter.

“Oh! Um, well-“

“Uh, yes, well. About that-“

Elnina manages to form a more coherent sentence first. Her voice is tight, higher pitched than normal. “We, um. We’re not really, uh, allowed to talk about that, you know. Tenna stipulated in our contracts to not to bring him, up, so.”

Lanino looks around the room nervously, worried that Tenna may overhear somehow. “It’s- It’s really better if we don’t, actually. And pretend this conversation never happened.”

Kris just tilts their head slightly. This seems to relax the duo a bit. Elnina coughs, clearing her throat. “So, Kris. Is there anything else you’d like to talk about with us?” The soul was satisfied with their answers, so they decide to leave. The two look relieved now that the conversation was over.

“Okay! See you Kris!”

“See you around, Kris!”

Kris groans internally. Just what the hell was the soul getting them into. They should be helping the Black Knight or hanging with Susie, not this shit. Kris is a little surprised when the heart drags them towards the exit instead of the Mikes. They walk out of Tenna’s room, looking cool. Said coolness is destroyed when they almost lose their balance, tripping on something on the floor. Kris glares down, trying to find the culprit when they spot a pen on the ground. It’s a red pen with the name Tenna inscribed in gold. Kris picks it up, inspecting it in their hands. They don’t think much of it until it’s added into their key items in their inventory. Their teeth shine from the feral grin they just got. The soul shakes inside of them, excited. Oh, things just got a little easier.

They march back inside and walk menacingly towards Elnina and Lanino. The two of them spot Kris, eyes wide with unease.

“Kris! You’re back so soon?”

“Uh, why do you look so… mischievous?”

Kris pulls the pen from their inventory. If the soul wasn’t controlling them, they’d be cackling right now. Take this, tyrannical TV man!

“Wait, is that… Tenna’s pen?!”

“Kris, why do you have that?”

The soul and Kris gleefully work as one, their choices in sync for once.

<3 I’m changing your contracts

Before they can argue, Kris grabs their contracts and gets to work. They cross out all the stupid, unfair terms and the entire section dedicated to NOT mentioning Spamton. Handing back the vile pieces of paper, the duo began to shake excitedly.

“Wo-woah! I feel so-“

“I feel so-“

“Powerful!”

“Wonderful!”

“Spectacular!”

“Free!”

They both can’t stop grinning at Kris. “Thanks Kris! We love Tenna but-“

“I think we’ve been needing a little breathing room from him recently.”

“So, ask us anything!”

Kris can feel the soul practically punch them in their chest, eager to learn more about the spam email.

<3 Spamton

Elnina looks down. “Yes… Spamton.”

“He… god, what wasn’t he?” Lanino continues.

“He was the Big Shot! Our ad guy! He was incredible, bringing in sponsorships and new collaborations. He had so much swagger and charm. Nearly all of us were head over heels for him.”

“No one fell harder than Tenna.” Elnina recalls this fondly.

“Oh, for sure. The crazy thing is… Spamton fell hard for Tenna too.” Lanino adds as well. “They looked so happy together.”

“Yes, I remember that. Their smiles shone so brightly.” Elnina looks at Lanino fondly. Kris briefly wonders if they’d just gotten together around then too. “Tenna was kinder to all of us too. Somehow, that little guy made him relax, despite how hard the both of them worked.”

“Things were going so well, until one day, it didn’t.” Lanino sags, the memory being painful to even talk about.

Elnina leans into Lanino, patting him on the back. “Spamton disappeared. It all happened so fast. One second, he was there. The next, poof! Gone out for thin air.”

Lanino shakes his head: “It was like he never existed!” Elnina nods: “Tenna hasn’t been the same since.”

“We just want him to be happy. We miss when he could truly relax and smile.”

Kris could understand a little about that. They nod and the heart decides it’s time to leave. The duo smile at Kris sadly.

“Thanks a lot, Kris. Maybe you can help him truly smile again.”

Kris left the weather duo for real this time. That was… a lot. They weren’t sure what they expected but this sounded intense. Were they really going to be able to pull this off? The soul ignored their thoughts as they marched over to the Mikes.

The green pippins seems to be conspiring with the other Mike and Pluey. “Alright you guys, listen. We gotta make this show go off without a hitch. If he asks to be pet, pet him. If he needs a glass of water, hydrate him, STAT! Make sure it’s his 5 gallon drink too. If he needs his cough drops, give him the fruit flavored ones. He hates the honey flavored ones. I’m worried he might be on to us and we can’t have him breaking down on set. Mike, you be extra fast with set changes, okay? Mike-

“He goes by Pluey, boss.”

“Grrgh! Okay, Pluey. Stay extra close to him and make sure you are in petting distance at all times, got it?” The large cat does not respond, instead pawing at the air. The green pippins eye twitches slightly.

“I said, got it?”

The soul decides right then and there to crash into this conversation.

<3 Got it

The three Mikes jump back. The green pippin’s eye started to twitch even more, agitated.

“Y-You?! What the hell are you doing here? This is a private planning session!”

<3 Eavesdropping on your plan

-> I wanted to pet Pluey

-> Nothing

The pippins stomps his little fit, looking down right mad. “And why would you do that? Are you trying to blow our cover?”

<3 I’m changing your contracts

“W-What do you mean? H-How so?”

The Green Pippins eyes pop out of their sockets as Kris pulls out the pen.

“Where did you get your hands on that?” Before the little green guy can stop them, Pluey and Other Mike pull out their contracts.

“Oh! Maybe weses will get fruit scented vacations and gloopy slime like you did!”

“…!”

Unable to stop them, Pippins Mike groans and pulls out their contract as well.

Kris grabs their contracts and gets to work. Once they crossed out everything, they handed the contracts back. Pippins Mike looks like they’re about to get a headache once they read through the remaining stipulations.

“You—Wh-How do you know about Spamton??”

Before they can reply, the pippins continues. “You know what, it doesn’t matter! I HATE that guy. He’s the reason we have to do all of this shit in the first place.”

Other Mike butts in. “But youses doing this even when he was still around.”

Pippins Mike’s arms began to shake, the rage nearly uncontainable. “Okay, okay! So I was, so what? At least I only needed myself! That guy skipping town was what broke the straw on the camel’s back. I don’t exactly know all what he did for Tenna, but it sure as shit was more than what I could handle.”

He squished his hands together as tightly as possible. “I swear to god, if I see that backstabbing little ad, I’m going to strangle him for all the crap he made me do these past ten years.”

<3 About that

“What.” He quits shaking, looking deadpan. “He’s still… alive? And you want Tenna and him to… make up?”

The Pippins began to laugh, tears falling down his face. Kris couldn’t tell if it was from laughing or years of pent up rage. “That’s ridiculous! That would NEVER work! Tenna hates his guts even more than I do!!!”

The heart makes Kris give a bit more detail. The Pippins goes deadpan again. “Wait, you lost him? And you’re saying that if we catch him and get them to make up, we don’t all have to be Mike anymore? And that you want to hijack the show, have your friend host while Tenna plays WITH SPAMTON???”

The Pippins laughs again manically. “This is ABSURD. It’s so stupid. It’s so bonkers. It-It-“

They jump up excitedly. “It might just work!”

“It will?”

“…?”

The green diamond guy shrugs his shoulders, looking exhausted. “You know what, let’s do this! I’m TIRED of being Mike. I want to be me.”

Smiling, the Pippins walks up to them. “Kris, don’t worry about a thing. We’ll get all of this squared away. We’ll find Spamton for you. We’ll bribe the contestants to skip the show with a little incentive. Also? Hand me Tenna’s pen. I’ve already had to forge his signature on a few things before. He’ll only play if he’s contracted to do so.”

Kris gave the pen to the pippins. “Good luck, kid! You’ll need it!”

Kris quickly explains to Other Mike what Spamton looks like, including as glasses.

Kris leaves Tenna’s Room and heads down to the bottom floor of the Castle. Ralsei is standing near the cauldron. They run up to Kris, excited.

“Kris! Did you get the help we needed!”

<3 Yes

“Excellent! Then our plan should go off without a hitch!”

They poke Ralsei on the shoulder to grab their attention. They then point upstairs towards Tenna’s room. “Oh! You need me to go to Tenna’s room and meet up with the Mikes? Okay, I can do that! I’ll see you back at the square. Good luck!”

Kris is unsure how Ralsei knew how to talk with the Mike’s specifically but they decide to worry about that later.

The soul carries Kris over to the square, where a lot of Darkners are gathering. They see that the stage is complete and wander in backstage. They glance around the area, then zone in on a door. They push it open and go inside. It doesn’t take them long to find Tenna.

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE HAVE NO CONTESTANTS?!”

Tenna was hunched over, his hand held near his antenna. Tenna’s voice bellowed, making Kris’s ears ring. Did he really have to do that if the call was literally going on in his head?

“What am I to you people, a clown? If you don’t find some contestants, I will- I WILL-“ Tenna shrinks down a few feet, his antenna drooping. “Listen, being a stooge for King alone is one thing, but in front of a whole audience? In front of Queen?” He keeps getting smaller and smaller, he looks absolutely miserable.

“I’d be the laughing stock of this entire place. I don’t know if my heart could take it.” Tenna was now the same size as Kris, the picture of pity. The soul made Kris move, stopping right behind Tenna. Kris hears a voice speaking in hushed tones from Tenna’s antennas.

“Okay, I might as well get the bat ready. Bye.” Tenna hangs up the call and turns around. He pauses as he almost looks past Kris before spazzing out.

“WHAT THE-“ Tenna grows a few feet, now twice as tall as Kris. They crane their neck up at the tv sputtering in front of them.

“K-Kris! What are you doing here? Are you here to watch the show?” Kris says nothing, letting the TV settle a bit.

“Heh- nothing to say, huh? I don’t blame you. This place… isn’t as nice as my old studio, huh.” He deflates again, his head somehow widening with dejection.

“Still, it’s nice to see you, star power. Trust me when I say, it’s better than being thrown out and forgotten! Heh heh… even if my audience isn’t, uh, full of Lightners.”

Kris felt a pang of guilt. They and Susie hadn’t had time to check around town yet for Tenna’s new home. They’d both been caught up with Undyne’s disappearance and the Dark Worlds at the church. Hopefully they’ll be able to check later today or tomorrow after the festival ends. Well, if they’ll be able to check, if Susie doesn’t ruin their plans.

Tenna awkwardly shuffles, avoiding eye contact. “Kris, I have to get ready for the show soon. I have to- Well, do you have a question for me?”

<3 Can I come onto the show again?

-> No

This catches Tenna off guard. “Kris? Did you hear all of that just now? I mean, are you sure?” Tenna’s ears droop, he looks like a kicked puppy.

“You still want to play with me?” Tenna shrinks, ashamed. “Even after everything I did, you’d play on my game show again?”

<3 Yes

-> Lemme think on it

-> Never in a million years

Tenna froze for a moment, before bowing and shooting up, growing ten feet in a matter of seconds, towering over both of them. Kris had to crane their neck hard to even see Tenna’s face.

“YIPPEE! Oh how wonderful! How stupendous!! We’re saved! Mike! Get the set ready! Help me put on my makeup! You put on make up! Feed the kids lipstick! We have to make sure we are ready for our guests!”

He rushes about the backstage, animatedly pointing at nothing.

“Oh Kris, you gem, you doll! You’ve saved m-us!” A red flower blooms from Tenna’s nose, overjoyed. “You go on ahead to the stage! I’ll come on when it’s my cue!”

With that, Tenna zooms out of the backstage, presumably further into his dressing room. They didn’t even get to mention that Ralsei was going be there too. Or that there was only two of them. Oh well. They left backstage and walked over to the front stage. It looks like the podiums were already set up. Ralsei is already there, looking over a script. He waves at Kris from his podium. Kris walks over to him.

“Kris! I heard everything from over here. Good job helping Tenna when you did and talking to the stage hands. I think we should be able to pull this off. Ralsei shows off the script with a flourish. “Look! They were able to give me Tenna’s script, so I should be able to keep track of what’s supposed to happen during the show.”

He blushes a little, looking self conscious, his eyes glued to the script. “I’m… admittedly still nervous about hosting but if you think this will help Mr. Tenna and Mr. Spamton, then I’ll do it!”

“That said, can you check who’s coming to watch this? I still need to memorize my lines.”

<3 Why?

“…I’m not sure I’m brave enough to look. I’m too scared of disappointing everyone. I still want to prepare myself a bit.”

Kris can understand. They peeked past the curtains and looked out at the audience. It looked like everyone from Castle Town was here. Their attention shifts toward the front of the audience when they hear a familiar laugh. They spot Queen, who seems to be making fun of King for being in a cage with wheels.

“Oh ho ho ho ho! Lmao Kingy Wingy, This Is Amazing.”

“Quit laughing at me, wench! This is my chariot. My portacage is the best ride that has ever existed.”

“Calculating: 100% False, 1000% Ridiculous, 1000000% Hilarious.”

“Hoho! Girldad’s right, Dad! We all know the best ride’s mine.” Kris watches the bouncy boy appear between King and Queen with his bike.

“Lmao True Tho.” Queen’s eyes flash TRUE, the only thing shining brighter was her shit eating grin.

“Grrr.” The King slumped forward, defeated.

They closed the curtains and headed back towards their podium. They found themselves disagreeing with both. The teacups back in Cyber World were pretty sick.

A sound was heard from backstage and the lights shut off. The crowd quiets as Tenna plays his intro. Soon enough, the man himself appears on stage with Kris and Ralsei.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen! Coming straight to your stage is a special performance like none other! Feachering the one, the only:”

“Mr. (Ant) Tenna’s, Special! Stage! Shooowww!”

He points at the crowd, Kris could see that the Fun-o-meter was already 3/4ths full. “Hello everybody! How is everyone doing today?”

The crowd cheers, except for Queen and Lancer, who laugh and the King, who just scoffs in his portacage. Tenna looks nervous and pleased, his smile wiggly.

“Wow! A lot of energy tonight. This is… great! I’m excited to have a lively audience tonight!”

“Tonight will be a show like no other! Quizzes, physical challenges, no sponsorships and whatzits galore!” The crowd roars, except for King, who yawns. Tenna falters a bit. He quickly recovers and holds his hands together.

“You all seem anxious to get to it, so let’s get started! Get ready for the wildest show with our three contestants-“

Tenna trails off and looks over, only now processing that there were only two contestants. Before he’s able to say anything, Ralsei interrupts him.

“And a surprise plot twist!” Suddenly, Ralsei spins behind his podium and comes out wearing his suit from Queen’s world. The TV World Darkner’s all gasp.

Tenna chokes out a reply. “R-Ralsei! What are you doing?” Ralsei gives him an award winning smile.

“Mr. Tenna, this is a special performance! I didn’t tell you this when we signed a contract earlier but… I get to be host and you get to be one of the contestants this time!”

“H-huh?? Where does it say that?? What contract? I signed a contract???”

“This one right here!” Ralsei smiles sweetly as he pulls a counterfeit contract made by one of the Mikes. Tenna pulls reading glasses out of nowhere and puts them on. He leans down and looks at the fine print, not even noticing his own signature being forged. He looks on edge as he finishes reading the contract.

“B-But there needs to be three contestants! Who will be our third? We- We can’t have a show without three contestants.” Tenna shakes his head, looking stressed. The man looked about ready to blow a fuse when someone taps Kris on their shoulder.

“Hey boss, I found youses glasses.”

The tall “Mike” comes out onto stage with Spamton’s glasses. Kris grabs the Dealmakers and tells Spamton to take form. The glasses glow before the small conman appears and falls to the ground next to Ralsei’s podium. Kris holds onto him so he doesn’t try and escape. They grimace as they see Tenna reel back in disgust.

“Woah momma hey momma momma mia hot mama momma mia momma mia- IT’S THE RAT??? GET IT OFF STAGE!!!”

“Hey! Watch it [Cathode!]” The puppet waves a hand at Tenna threateningly.

“Oh! That’s not a rat Mr. Tenna, that’s…that’s… well… you’ll learn soon enough!”

Tenna looks between Spamton and Ralsei, only slightly placated. “I will?”

Ralsei gives the final blow. “Yes! Because he’s our third contestant today.”

Kris saw a vein pop up on the TV’s screen. The man looked torn between his dignity and decorum. After a few beats, he deflates, defeated. “…okay.”

Ralsei pats him on the back, pushing him towards Kris and Spamton. “Now, join everyone at the podiums, Mr. Tenna! It’ll be fun!”

Tenna obeys and goes to the podium nearest the screen.

“Hah! Like I’d be on this show again with [boob tube]!!!” Kris flips Spamton around in their arms and glares at them. The little puppet gulps, realizing he doesn’t actually have a say in this.

Kris lets go of Spamton, trusting he won’t run away. Spamton takes the middle podium and Kris takes the podium closest to the edge. The crowd murmurs below. This was unlike anything they’d seen. King smirks from behind his cage: “This should be interesting”.

Ralsei jumps right in: “Alright everyone, let’s get to the first round! The show tonight is going to be a high stakes version of Truth or Dare! The first round is Truth! It looks like the answers are designed for each unique darkner (or lightner). If you answer honestly, you get points! If you don’t you’ll be docked points. Honesty is the name of the game here!”

Tenna nervously looks down at the podium. “Wait, what about introducing ourselves?”

“That’s incorporated into the first round, silly! It says right here in the script!” Ralsei waves the show’s script for emphasis.

“Oh. Right. Carry on then.”

“Alright everyone! For our practice round, you’ll all answer 3 simple questions about yourselves.”

“First question: What is your favorite meal?”

Kris barely has to think as they choose pie. Tenna answers the quickest, picking Deluxe TV Dinner. Spamton, interestingly, also picks the Deluxe TV Dinner as well.

“Eek! How have you had my favorite meal?”

“I had it [endless supplies] times. Takes one to know one, [Boob Tube].

“How do you- What’s that supposed to mean? Like I’d have a little freak like you anywhere near my set!”

“SECOND QUESTION! What is your favorite color?”

Kris answers first this time, the heart taking control as they pick Ralsei Green. The crowd awws as Ralsei stumbles over his words. “Kris, you really mean that?” Tenna grits his teeth, seething. He chooses TV Time Red and Spamton Swatch Black.

“I was the one who Swatch took their [beauty tips] from, not me!”

Tenna shoots the puppet a funny look. “Whatever you say, you weird little rodent.”

“Third Question: “Do you love TV?”

Kris cringes inwardly. They would have rather skipped this one if they could. They’re shocked when Spamton outspeeds even Tenna to say Yes.

“Oh. You’re a fan of my show?”

“…[assorted items], yes.”

The heart clicks yes and Tenna clicks last. Ralsei cheerfully tallies up their points.

“Amazing job, everyone! You’re all tied for first place. Now’s time for the first real round!”

“First Question: “Have you met tonight’s host before?”

The board has poorly edited the Ralsei plushie over Tenna’s face. They all choose yes without any fanfare.

“Second Question: “Have you ever been on TV Time before?”

Tenna and Kris answer quickly. Spamton hesitates, his hand hovering over his board before slowly pressing yes. Tenna looks at him, shocked.

“You’ve been on TV Time before? But, how? I never forget any of my contestants.”

“…”

“We’ve met before?”

“Okay, okay. Third Question: What is your name?” Ralsei looks nervously off stage. Kris could see the gears turning in his head.

Tenna shifts uncomfortably when he sees Spamton’s name on there.

“Mike, can we edit out that answer?”

“…”

“MIKE?!”

“Um, Mr. Tenna, this is a live performance. We won’t be able to edit it until after the show.”

Tenna frowns, looking deeply displeased. He backs down as Ralsei notes that they all were running out of time.

Kris felt the soul scroll down past their name and land on Spamton’s. They click it. Spamton clicks Kris’s name, just to be a little shit.

“Huh? That’s too bad! I guess you’ll lose points.”

“Hey, how come we can’t leave the question?”

“Er, since we don’t use points as currency anymore, the questions can only be finished when everyone answers them correctly. We were going for a more… honest vibe with these quizzes.”

“Huh, okay! Thanks Tenna. Let’s try again then!”

The question resets and the soul beelines down to Spamton’s name and clicks it again. Spamton chooses Tenna’s name this time, shrugging.

“Hey! You little- pick someone else’s name to steal!”

“Ha! You’d know a thing or two about [identity theft is a serious crime] [cathode]!”

Ralsei smile thins a bit. “Okay, let’s try again. Try to pick the correct answer, please.”

The soul ignores Ralsei’s request as it chooses Spamton’s name again. The small puppet scowls at them.

“Kr-Kris! Why do you keep picking [wrong answer, please try again]?”

Kris wished they could retort, but the heart kept selecting the Spamton’s name, frustrating the audience and Spamton more and more.

“Uh, Kris. I can’t really move on until you pick the right answer.” Ralsei sweats.

They all jump as a hand slams down onto the middle podium. “Oh for the [Love of God], you’re Kris! I’M [number1ratesalesman1997]!!”

Tenna paused. “W-What did you just say?” Spamton whips around towards Tenna, full of puppet rage.

“MY NAME IS SPAMTON G. SPAMTON!!”

The crowd gasps. The soul stops and Kris takes in everyone’s shock. Queen grabs a bag of popcorn and a battery acid drink from seemingly nowhere. Tenna and Spamton stare at each other, realizations setting in for both of them. Kris’s arm reaches out for Spamton’s controller, then selects Spamton’s name for him.

If Tenna had eyes, Kris was certain they’d be as wide as saucers, “You? What? You’re Spamton?”

“I-“

Before Spamton can elaborate further, the heart finally moves down to Kris’s name and selects it.

“Okay! Onwards to the next round!!” Ralsei is hardly able to hide his relief as they move on from
the quizzes.

“It’s time for a dare! It looks like you guys get to-“

Tenna interrupts Ralsei. “No.”

“W-What.” Ralsei sweats under the spotlight.

“I get what this is now. This is-“

“This is an exposé, isn’t it?” Tenna’s arms began to shake violently. He stands up with his arms in the air, talking to the air. “This is a tell all about my shame, my past with- with- HIM.” He points at Spamton, who glowers at him from his podium.

“Oh, is that how you feel [cathode]. Well, maybe I should just [get out of town!]!”

“Oh yeah, and leave me alone with OUR kid like
you did ALL THOSE YEARS AGO!”

Someone in the crowd starts chanting in the back. They start to get more rowdy as they feed off the ex-duos tension.

The two men square up, getting ready to fight. They’re interrupted when the stage heaves underneath them.

“Uh, why is the stage shaking?!”

Tenna and Spamton cling to each other, Spamton clinging to Tenna’s tie as the ground shook below them. Kris held onto their podium and did all they could to not swear as Lancer sprang out from under the stage.

“Hoho! I was getting bored, so I dug some holes under the stage!”

“You did what?!” Ralsei and Tenna yell at the same time. The shaking soon stops. Everyone breathes a sigh of relief, including Kris. Ralsei exhales, clutching a hand to their chest. “That was a relief.”

“I also found this bat while I was down there.” Lancer pulls out a comically large, photorealistic bat. Tenna shouts, clinging to Spamton in a blind panic, Before anyone can react, the bat slips from his hands and explodes onto the stage. The stage collapses. Kris hears King and Queen laughing above them. They lose their bearings as they, Spamton, and Tenna fall below.

———————————————————

They blink as they regain consciousness. There isn’t much light, although they hear the sound of running water not too far from them. They could’ve sworn they could smell some moss too. They would have laid down for awhile longer, but the soul decides to yank them up on their feet and have them walk. Taking in their surroundings, they realize they fell into some cave.

They walk in silence. Was all of this a mistake? Should they have left well enough alone? They hear an echo from up ahead and the heart pushes them towards it. Soon, they find Spamton and Tenna. They’re arguing.

“This is all your fault!”

“My fault? That’s [20 ways to get richer] coming from you!”

“What’s that supposed to mean? If you hadn’t shown up today, none of this would have happened!”

“Hahhahahah! Oh [Please donate-]! You were a wreck without me [CRT]!”

“Like you can talk! You were the one who left me all alone all those years ago! With no one to trust! No one to talk to!”

“Me-MeMeMeMeMe?? Oh boohoo! What a [tragedy for the ages]. You were never [alone on a Saturday night] like I was. You weren’t the one living in a garbage can for [10 year warranty]!”

“Yeah, right! You, in a garbage can! A likely story to garner my sympathy.”

“If I wasn’t telling the [full disclosure agreement], then why didn’t you recognize me?”

“Recognize you? You look NOTHING like before. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same about your attitude.”

“Why you- [85% discount]!!

It was getting to be too much. The shouting, the blame game. It reminded them too much of everything. Kris wrenched control from the heart and fired an attack at the both of them. They jump back, barely dodging out of the way.

“Wh-What on earth was that for?”

“Y-Yeah Kris! What the [#&!!]?”

Kris panted, their head was pounding. They fall to their knees, the heart gaining control once more. The two of them lose their rage and walk towards them.

“Kris-Kris! Let me [see the damage] there.” Spamton takes a step forward but is blocked by Tenna, who grows a few feet in front of Kris.

“Don’t touch them-“ Tenna stops as Kris puts on their ankle. Kris looks into his screen, pleading. Tenna swallows, shrinking back down and moving out of Spamton’s way. Spamton says nothing as he walks over to them. Kris presses F1 for help and a little Spam Angel appears. Tenna stares in awe as the little guy pats Kris’s head and heals their pain. Spamton scrutinizes them from behind their glasses.

“Is that better, [amigo]?” Kris nods, moving from their knees to sitting.

“Why did you try to [property damage] us?”

Tenna’s left antennae twitched, understanding dawning on them. “Wait. I think- it may have reminded them of-… dammit. I’m sorry, Kris.” Tenna turned around and shrunk, his antenna struggling to bend down. “…I’m no better than your parents were.” Spamton looks confused but doesn’t ask for further clarification. Kris was glad, they did not need the spam email to learn about their parents divorce right now.

Tenna bites back a grunt. Kris looks up to see him rubbing his left antennae. Kris wonders if it was a permanent injury from the Knight. Spamton seems to notice this too. He walks slowly towards Tenna, trying not to upset him. “Tenna… your antennae looks stiff.”

Tenna puts a hand to the side of his face, being bashful. “Huh? So you’ve noticed, Spamton.” Kris doesn’t miss the way Tenna says his name experimentally. “What does that have to do with anything?”

“…has [anybody, anywhere!] been massaging them recently?”

“We-Well. No! No, not really. Not recently, anyways.” The man shrinks a bit at the thought.

“Can I take [provide quality service] for you?”

Tenna blushes a little at the suggestion. “…I guess Mike never got around to it, so… sure.”

Spamton scrambled up to the top of Tenna’s head. He gently grabs the base of them and starts rubbing them up and down. Tenna visibly relaxes, long held tension releasing from his shoulders. Kris oddly finds it relaxing too. It reminded them of when dad would rub mom’s shoulders after a long day at school.

Tenna sounded nostalgic as he spoke: “Wow, you’re as good at this as I remember you being.”
The salesman grinned at the praise. Kris was certain he’d be smirking if he could. “[100% guarantee or your money back], Tenna.”

“It reminds me of… the old days, huh.”

Spamton slows down the massage, looking lost in old memories as well. “Yeah. [once upon a time].”

Tenna sticks his tongue out, parsing out what to say next. “…Spammy…What happened to us?”

Spamton grips the antenna tightly, Tenna flinching from the change in pressure. Spamton lets out a puff of air, loosening his grip. “Where do I even start?”

“Back in Cyber World, I wasn’t a [one of a kind] or a [limited time only] guy. I was just an ad guy. I sold [whozits and whatzits] to any old schmo who was interested. I didn’t like it though. I wanted to be my own man, not part of some collective. I wanted to sell good things, useful things. One day, I found someone in the dark. They claimed they could help
me to achieve my dreams, and more, if I just did exactly as they said.”

“As soon as I agreed, my life began to change. I got more customers, more sales. I kept getting bigger and better opportunities. Then… I got to meet you. My life then truly changed for the better. I thought I’d found it. With you, I thought I had truly become a [Big Shot].”

“But the benefactor wasn’t satisfied. The phone kept ringing. Nothing I was doing was good enough for them. Then you asked about signing a contract with me. Having me stay. I thought I could get away with it. Get away from them. I signed your contract and my benefactor didn’t like that. They didn’t like that one bit. All of my assets, my fame, my money, my friends, the kids… it all was taken away from me. Just like that.” Spamton snaps his fingers, making Tenna jolt. Kris jolted a little too. They hadn’t realized they were holding their breath.

“The next thing I knew, I was thrown out. I was living in a dumpster not far from Queen’s castle.”

The TV looked up towards his antenna. “You were in Cyber City the whole time? Why didn’t you call me, then? I would’ve-

“Helped me. I know. I couldn’t reach you.”

“You couldn’t reach me?

Spamton hung his head, static fading in and out of their glasses. “It wouldn’t let me. And after a point, I realized I couldn’t let you either.”

“Why?”

“They would have dragged you down with me. My benefactor would have had you sleeping with the fishes once they were through with you.”

Tenna shrugs at this. “It can’t have been worse than what the Knight did to me.”

“…That was what my benefactor said.”

“What!?”

A different voice comes out of Spamton that sends a chill down Kris and Tenna’s spines. “The lord of screens, cleaved red by blade”. Silence overtook them for a few minutes. Spamton had stopped massaging Tenna and was staring off into the darkness. Tenna broke him out of his trance, despite speaking softly.

“You knew that I would die?”

He didn’t sound angry when he said this. Kris wasn’t sure what Tenna was thinking. Spamton was in a similar boat, so he kept talking.

“I thought it was set in stone. That no matter what we did, it wouldn’t matter because the ending would be the same. I felt the same from when I got the phone call to when I was rotting in the garbage. Even though I was mad, I didn’t want to believe I could lose you. I didn’t want that hanging over your head either. “

That said,” The puppet turns his attention to Kris, his grin softening: “Kris showed me that nothing is truly for certain.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that either? Wha-What if we had avoided all this by just… talking? Spamton. Did what we have… did it matter?”

“Yes.” Spamton says this immediately. The speed of the answer makes Tenna breathless. The man shrinks a little, his antenna drooping onto Spamton’s lap.

“It was my fault that you fell…”

“No. I would have fallen regardless.” The small puppet gently grabs the antenna. He stands up to straighten them, then gently wraps his arms around the base of them, hugging them.

“Tenna. I would have [reached for the stars] with you.”

“Really?”

“[100% guarentee]. I [missed my shot] you.”

“Oh Spammy! I missed you too!”

Tenna picked up the little salesman from his head and held him in his hands. Huge tears fell down his screen and Kris could swear they saw the puppet crying too. Tenna wraps his arms around the little ad and cradles him to his head. They both begin sobbing in earnest.

“I’m so sorry I sprayed you with foam and called you an overly small weird unidentifiable thing!”

“I’m sorry for calling you [boob tube] and [$&@?] and [#%@%].

“It’s okaaaay, I forgive youuuu”

Kris couldn’t believe what they were seeing. It was getting a bit cheesy, especially for them. They were almost inclined to think it was sweet until the two of them mashed their faces together.

Oh god, they were making out. Nonononono what the fuck goddamn it they did NOT need to see this.

For once, the soul seemed to be in agreement. Kris could feel it pushing hard against their back and then their chest, trying to move them in any way that would let them not watch this. Unfortunately for the both of them, it seemed something else was keeping them frozen while Spamton and Tenna made gross kissing noises in front of them. Suddenly, Kris and the soul are saved when a spotlight lands on the couple. Kris can hear the audience shout from a distance.

“Guys thank goodness we- HEY!” Ralsei bleats, looking flustered, his cheeks pink. “NO MAKING OUT DURING A PERFORMANCE!!”

The couple spring back, Spamton staying on Tenna’s hand, both at least having the nerve to look embarrassed. Tenna stands stock still with a wobbly smile and a flower erupting from his nose.

“Well- jeez. Sorry! I hadn’t-“

Spamton puts his hands on his hips, shouting close to his ears. “Aw c’mon [CRT], you’re gonna let [$32.99] push you around on your show?”

This gets Tenna riled up. A little fang pokes out as he addresses Ralsei. “You know what? No! I’m the host of this show today! And you know what I say? Tonight's show is over!”

The lights go out and suddenly they all are back on the edge of the stage. Tenna takes the mike from Ralsei in one hand while carrying Spamton and begins barking orders

“Mike, tear down set! Take your make up off! Babysit the kids for me! We are taking the rest of the day off!” He turns out towards the crowd, all enraptured by the drama of the show.

“Thanks for tuning in everyone. Don’t turn that dial the next time it’s Mr. Ant (Tenna’s) TV Time!!”

The curtain falls and the show is over. Once the spotlight is shut off, they’re all pushed into the still intact backstage. Kris watches Tenna coo at Spamton, petting the puppet on the cheek.

“C’mon Spamton. I think we have a lot of catching up to do~ (if you know what I mean~)”

The puppet shook happily in Tenna’s hands, laughing loudly. “[Hochi mama] baby! Sounds [good times had by all] to me!” The two of them zip away, heading towards the castle.

Kris turns around. Ralsei walks up to them.

“Okay.” Ralsei spun around and changed back into their regular outfit.

“Well, that was… eventful. Still, I’m glad Mr. Tenna and Mr. Spamton were able to sort out their differences. They looked happy together.”

Kris, even with how grossed out they were, had to agree. They happily got off the backstage and were brought back to the town square. The crowd had thinned for the most part and people were now enjoying Lancer playing tuba while biking. Kris couldn’t help but think it’d be nice if Susie was watching with them.

Ralsei must sense the change in Kris’s demeanor. He motions for Kris to follow him back to the portal. “I think I have everything else handled after that. Let’s get you back to Susie.”

Ralsei led the way to the edge of the town square. They both stop near the entrance to the portal.

“Kris… thanks a lot. I know it’s not the same as going together in the Light World but… I’m glad you were here today! Tell Susie I say hi and that I can’t wait to see her later.”

<3 Absolutely

-> Of course

Ralsei waves to Kris as they head towards the portal. “Bye, Kris.”

Kris leaves the town square, leaving the merry revelry for another festival. As they got back to the portal that led them back to the Light World, they thought to themselves. Seeing Tenna and Spamton back together felt… good.

At least they were able to help get one couple back together.