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Throughout his whole life Connor Stevens has never had a place he’d called home. Yeah sure, he definitely wasn’t a tramp but none of his living arrangement ever made him feel quite at home.
There was his house in San Diego that, alas, held his most cherished memories.. he definitely was the place he’d always recall as his favorite living arrangement but sadly, he’d come to a point in his young life when he found himself stuck between a rock and hard place since he reached a point in which he wasn’t feeling welcomed in that house anymore, not for who he wanted to be. So Connor left San Diego and the love of his life behind and moved to Los Angeles where, yes, the air was definitely lighter and His mom accepted him and always made him feel welcomed, that was the fucking understatement of the century, but somehow Connor always felt more like a guest in his mother’s house.
Something was missing. He spent quite some time wondering why he’d always felt so unease in his mother’s house and a small voice within himself told him that the fact that, after two years, he still referred as his mom’s house and not his own.. well.. that explained a lot.
She planned an over the top celebration party when he got his acceptance letter from Yale.
His father showed up unannounced (even if Connor was sure that his mom had something to do with it.) but surprisingly Connor wasn’t disturbed by his presence, mostly because he shoved aside every resentment he’d built up over the years, indeed he was genuinely glad to see him.
His father's unease grew bigger throughout the whole party. Connor could tell he wanted to say something to him, from the way his lips parted slightly just to flutter close right after. Connor was texting his boyfriend when his father finally gathered the courage to approach him.
Connor couldn’t handle the heavy silence between them so he just thought ‘fuck it.’ Before throwing himself into his father’s arms. He felt relief flooding through his whole body at the way his father’s arms encircled his whole frame.
“I missed you.”
Connor cried silently against his father’s shoulder, trying to fight back the incoming sobs. He felt Adam breathing heavily against his hair, his finger threading through his son’s hair as he was clearly struggling to utter any words out and Connor figured it wasn’t easy for him to apologize for basically sending his son out of the door.
There were no need for words, the way Adam was clinging onto dear life into Connor’s embrace spoke by itself.
“It’s okay. Dad.”
Adam let out a choked sob against his hair, clearly unable to form a coherent sentence, luckily Connor didn’t mind. He didn’t need to hear it, not necessarily in that moment. He’d have his whole life to make it up to Connor. All he needed was his father back into his life and for once... it almost felt like home.
Connor knew fairytales were just bullshit. Said in better terms, his mother had never told him a story about two people surviving a long distance relationship. According to Connor it wasn’t impossible to be with someone that lived at the other end of the country. There were so many times.. like when Connor moved to Yale and when he’d graduated from College and started an internship in Chicago, or when he’d been transferred to New York City because Connor had totally nailed that internship and his boss was so impressed by his hard working persona and his kick assing negotiating skills that decided to send him to his newly born affiliate in the Big Apple. Connor had not been raised as a fool He would never waste a golden opportunity like this, so He moved there with his perfect boyfriend’s blessing and support.
Connor thought about break things off, not because their love wasn’t enough because hell if it was; They’d gone through this for eight years and throughout all of them he happened to wonder how his boyfriend truly felt about this, because in Connor’s universe there wasn’t such a way that someone would simply love him so fiercely that he’d be willing to wait and go through wild fire for him.
There was a time when he’d flipped out because he was so swamped with work that he found himself unable to cut some time for Jude and on that stressful and emotionally painful occasion he’d questioned his life choices for the first time in his young life.
If he’d made the right decisions to move so far away from the love of his life, resigning himself to see him on few recurrences as Christmas or Easter or that one week off work he’d earned on summer by working hard during the whole year.
What surprised him the most and scared the shit out of him was his boyfriend's acceptance of all of this. He’d even questioned (for like half second.) if maybe he had someone else in San Diego, regretting his thought almost immediately because, let's be real It was so out of his character but also They’d always been fighting against everything and everyone coming their way so there was no chance in hell to even consider that kind of scenario, but the real reason was that simple: They made a promise before Connor's departure.
He could feel it on his skin burning like fire and he knew those words were truer than ever. He just needed a reminder for whenever his brain was getting assaulted by those overwhelming doubts and fears, just that.
Connor rushed out of the cold ( yet fully furnished.) house that night and with a smile on his face and few tears he managed to force back, he knew exactly what to do.
The first thing he did as soon as he got home, later that day, was to video call his boyfriend.
His heart constricted inside of his chest as soon as he was met by a blinding, excited smile.
“Hello, stranger!” The boy’s voice was filled with sparkling happiness and that made Connor’s heart lurch inside of his chest because he felt the urge, more than anything, to get on a fucking plane in that moment.
There was no sign of annoyance or irritation on the boy’s face and that just broke Connor because what if Jude didn’t miss him as much?
“Connor what’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Connor promised with sadness filling his voice, his eyes were drawn for a moment to his clad forearm. “I just miss you.”
He saw relief flashing across Jude’s features. “I miss you too.” He said with a soft smile that Connor knew was meant to make him feel better since he was crying like a kid and why the hell was he ruining this rare occasion that could be used in more productive ways like perhaps enjoying Jude’s virtual companion?
Connor shouldn’t give voice to his stupid thought but he asked him anyway, most likely digging his own grave. “Do you?”
He tried to not cry harder at the sight of hurt flashing across Jude’s eyes, calling himself idiot on repeat when a killing uncomfortable silence fell on them.
Jude gulped, looking at something on his desk – out of Connor’s reach—before saying, voice hurt and extremely low pitched.
“I’m giving you five seconds to tell me I’ve heard wrong.”
Connor wanted to die. Okay, not literally, but if a hole suddenly appeared and sucked him away, he wouldn’t be completely displeased.
“It’s just... you always look so happy.. to see me..”
Jude let out a groan that was half a snort and half a chocked laugh. Connor didn’t blame him, absolutely not, for calling him stupid.
“Have you hit your head hard or something?” Jude asked him with eyebrow wiggled in abhorrence that honestly dig a hole in Connor's chest. “Of course I miss you. I.. hate this. Do you seriously think I'm having the time of my life, sitting in this stupid chair while you’re on the other side of the country?”
“No.. but—“
Jude apparently hadn’t finished because he went on. His voice slightly raising to an octave. “Or maybe do you think That I like you better on screen than seeing you on live?”
Connor shook his head because his boyfriend was right, damn if he was. He’d printed it on his skin.. for fuck's sake. Why was he acting like a deficient now?
“I’m sorry. I.. you’re right. You’re absolutely right..” Connor lowered his gaze, unable to look at his boyfriend’s reflection, not after doubting his words and his never ending support and patience.
He’d never signed up to this but yet, Jude was there even from behind a screen, Jude was still in his life.
He heard a long sigh from the other end of the line but then Jude’s voice softened as he said.
“I miss you, every day of my life I want to wake up next to you, be with you and I do nothing but miss you, Connor.. but you know? Seeing you behind a screen and settle for few visit every year is actually better than not having you at all. I know that eventually, we’ll be together again and I really can’t looking forward to the days where I won’t have to see you in pixels but see your gorgeous smile and beautiful eyes every single day.”
Connor slowly looked up, meeting Jude’s fond gaze and he couldn’t help but fall in love even more with Jude.
“I want that too.. and I got a surprise for you as soon as I get home.”
Jude’s genuine smile was the perfect medicine for all the bad things in the world.
“Yeah? I hope it involves being naked.”
Connor laughed at Jude’s suggestive tone. “Always.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Of course you can.”
Jude took a deep breath before murmuring, “Just because I don’t look like someone kicked my puppy all the time, doesn’t mean I’m not sad.”
“I know.”
“Because I am but Connor, honestly, what are even the alternatives? We have to deal with it.. together and we gotta be strong for each other.”
“You’re right.” Connor agreed with a nod of his head.
“Warpaint.” Jude smiled with what Connor liked to call ‘heart eyes’ “You have to remember our promise.”
Connor blushed as he tried to not look so subtle... it was a surprise after all.
“I’ll make sure to never forget it.” Connor promised as his gaze unconsciously fell on his clad forearm once again.
Two months later, Connor got the news he’d been waiting for two years. Through the courtesy of his boss, Connor Stevens was going to be transferred to the firm in San Diego. Yup. San Diego. California. Jude’s city. Home.
Jude shrieked so loud that Connor had to take a step back from his laptop.
“Are you happy?”
Jude looked at him with a face that basically said. “Are you a freaking moron all of a sudden?”
Connor knew the answer to that question.
“Oh my God, oh my God, oh my God ! Tell me when!”
Connor laughed as he shook his head. “Nope.”
He laughed even harder when Jude pouted at him making threats and mentioning a sex strike since Connor was being such a jerk.
“I wanna surprise you!”
Jude’s pout got even more accentuated as he remarked.
“I’m gonna wait for you completely naked! What if someone else rings the bell or something?”
“I’ll be the only one allowed to ring the bell.” Connor said dryly wondering if his naive boyfriend would get the pun.
“Not this time, Stevens.”
Yeah, he got the pun.
“Just.. keep your clothes on.” Connor said breathlessly because let’s be honest even thinking that he was going to finally come home in two days still looked like a dream. “Until I got there.”
“Ugh.. okay.”
As soon as Connor got to Jude’s apartment he suddenly felt air leaving his lungs. He couldn’t quite believe that it was just it.. he was finally back.
He decided to knock since ringing the bell made him nervous. no puns.
He heard heavy footsteps approaching and his eyelids suddenly got heavy, a constricting tug in his chest that made it hard to breathe. Jesus.
“You got this, Stevens.. you’re—“
“Connor!”
Connor closed his eyes as he found himself being assaulted by the most beautiful boy he’s ever seen. “You’re here.” Jude breathed against his neck, his legs wrapping around his waist just like the cutest kind of koala clinging to his Eucalyptus tree.
“You’re finally here..”
“I am..” Connor confirmed with trembling voice, his arms holding Jude’s weight. “I've come back to you.”
Jude nodded against his neck, completely soaked by tears. Connor wasn’t surprised, since he was bawling his eyes out. No shame, at all.
Jude entangled himself from Connor, taking a step back to look at him but still holding firmly his hand, never letting it go.
“We did it.” Jude sighed dreamily, wiping away some tears. “There’s nothing else keeping us apart.”
Connor nodded as he took off his jacket, eager to show Jude his most recent discovery. “I’ll never let you go, just so you know.. I’ll make a good use of those handcuffs and hold you in hostage for the rest of our days if you ever leave again.”
Connor bursted out in laughter as he shook his head. “I won’t.. I promise.”
Jude’s eyes followed a trail to Connor’s eyes to his forearm and holy shit, the look of absolute shock on his face was something Connor was going to remember for the rest of his life.
“It’s warpaint.” Connor breathed out, a soft blush creeping over his warm cheeks. “Till my last breath.”
Jude kissed him before doing something idiotic like bursting out in tears again.. no more tears, they promised that night.
Sometimes home is not a place but a person.