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Fluixon cursed his professor for the amount of workload being dumped onto him. He was fully convinced that they see him as nothing but a machine built solely to survive on caffeine and academic pressure. He thinks it's ridiculous. Every week there was another requirement, another presentation, another paper due at an unreasonable deadline. All of this demanded every remaining fragment of his sanity that was definitely slipping away.
On top of that, he still had narrative reports left unfinished for his organization because apparently his club president only knew the word responsibility when it mean conveniently passing it onto somebody else. Flux had half a mind to disappear entirely just to see whether the entire organization would collapse without him carrying it on his back.
He cursed the stack of unfinished papers inside his bag, and he cursed his phone for vibrating every ten minutes with another message from his fucking father asking him when he planned on visiting home again. Crow misses you. Answer your phone. Stop avoiding us. Flux wanted to laugh or maybe smash his phone against concrete until the screen shattered beyond repair. He also wanted to scream every single time he read them because avoiding them was the only thing keeping him sane lately. He just couldn't understand why his parents still insisted on clinging to him as though he were still a child who needed supervision every second of the day. He was already in his third year at university, for god's sake! He could manage himself just fine; he doesn't need his fathers breathing down his neck every waking moment and he certainly didn't need another suffocating weekend trapped inside that house pretending everything between them was normal.
But more than anyone else in the world, Flux cursed himself because every terrible thing in his life somehow always led back to his choices. And tonight's mistake had taken on the shape of white hair beneath dim lights, sharp eyes hidden underneath heavy lashes, and lips so devastatingly soft that Flux still remembered exactly how they felt against his own even after all this time apart.
He had needed an escape tonight. Something loud enough to drown out the unbearable noise inside his head. So who could blame him when Thomas had casually mentioned a "hangout" at Mykonos hosted by the Commonwealth, Flux immediately agreed without hesitation? Everybody knew what those parties really were, anyway. They only called it a hangout so people could pretend they weren't attending with the sole intention of getting absolutely wasted.
The moment Flux stepped inside Mykonos, the smell of alcohol spilled across countertops hit him first. Smoke was drifting lazily from the balcony and sweat trapped beneath layers of expensive perfume and cologne permeated through the entire function. Music pounded violently through the walls, hard enough for him to feel it vibrating, while bodies crowded every inch of available space. People were laughing too loudly for his liking, speaking over one another as colored lights painted everyone in shades of red and gold. It was chaotic in the exact way Flux needed and hated at the same time. On a normal day, he would hate being here, but for now, it was mindless enough to numb him.
He let people shove drinks into his hands without protest and drank until warmth spread through every vein in his body, his thoughts finally slowing down. The world blurred pleasantly around the edges after that. In his eyes, faces melted together into streaks of color, while conversations became meaningless noise. For the first time all week, Flux could breathe without feeling like he was suffocating beneath the weight of his own life.
Then Saparata walked into the room, and every fucking distraction suddenly became useless.
Flux hated how quickly his body recognized him. One second he was leaning against the kitchen counter with a red cup hanging loosely from his fingers and the next his eyes had already found white hair cutting through the crowd like moonlight splitting through darkness. Saps stood near the hallway entrance, looking unfairly beautiful beneath the low lighting. His dark clothes were clinging to his tall and broad frame, it made him look insanely good. Flux had to look away almost immediately. He tried to ignore the way his stomach twisted violently the second their eyes met across the crowded room. He hated it. Because fuck it, no matter how hard he'd tried, every memory came rushing back all at once.
He'd remember the late nights where they'd be tangled in bed, with soft laughter and kisses pressed against his neck. Loving Saps had always felt like standing too close to fire, or staring too long at the sun. Beautiful until you'd notice it was hurting you, and by then it would be utterly impossible to pull away without taking the burn marks with you.
Holding eye contact was unbearable for the most part. But even after looking away, Flux could still feel Saps there. Throughout the night it became impossible not to notice the way they kept unconsciously orbiting around each other — Flux would walk into another room only to find Saps there minutes later, leaning lazily against a doorway pretending not to stare. Their eyes kept catching accidentally across crowds of strangers before lingering for just a second too long. And every single time it happened, Flux felt like he was close enough to burning.
And the thing about Flux is: he had never been good at resisting the things that ruined him most beautifully.
He didn't know who crossed the distance between them. Didn't know when he stepped forward. All he knew was one second Saps was across the room and the next Flux was standing close enough to smell alcohol lingering on his breath alongside the same familiar cologne that used to cling on Flux's sheets long after he left his bed. One second there was distance then suddenly Saparata's hands were on him and his lips crashed against Flux's, hard enough to knock every coherent thought from his head.
Flux stumbled backwards until his spine hit the hallway wall with enough force to make him gasp softly into the kiss. His hands should have pushed Saps away immediately. They should have landed against his chest and shoved him back before this became something dangerous and out of their control. But no — instead, his fingers tangled helplessly into soft white hair while Saps kissed him like he had been starving for months.
"We really —" Flux breathed shakily against his mouth, his lungs already burning despite the fact that they had barely started kissing. "We shouldn't do this."
He said it as his body betrayed him completely. Because both his heart and mind knew that Flux had missed this in ways that embarrassed him deeply. Missed the warmth of Saps' mouth against his own. Missed the way Saps knows exactly how to touch him that it unraveled him completely and immediately. Saparata smiled softly against his lips.
"Yeah," he whispered quietly. "We shouldn't."
Then he kissed him again anyway. Flux hated how quickly he melted into it.
Everything about this was wrong, and Flux knew that. He knew it better than anyone, that they had already broken each other once before. Whatever they once had, it had collapsed beneath the reality that loving somebody so intensely could slowly consume you from inside out. He knew, but that knowledge didn't matter when Saps was kissing him like this. When his kisses are slow before turning deeper, hungrier, the moment Flux kissed back. Saps still knew him all too well. And it was wrong. He shouldn't still know exactly how to tilt Flux's face enough to steal the breath from his lungs. He shouldn't know how to kiss him until thinking became impossible. Flux could feel his heartbeat everywhere — in his chest. In his throat. In his ear. Every touch from Saps felt magnified somehow, unbearably warm against his skin that was already burning from alcohol and emotion and months of him trying to lie to himself that he did not miss his lover.
"This is wrong," Flux whispered again, although this time the words sounded weaker, like he was trying to convince himself rather than Saparata. Saps answered by dragging his mouth slowly down Flux's jaw until he reached the sensitive skin beneath his ear. Flux inhaled sharply the moment teeth grazed his neck before soft kisses followed immediately after, warm enough to send heat rushing violently through his body. The feeling of Saps' mouth against his skin made his thoughts blur together until all he could focus on was warmth and pressure that was building in his chest. Every touch made Flux react before his mind could stop it. He felt like he was unraveling, thread by thread, beneath his touch. His fingers tightened in Saps' hair while his other hand instinctively grabbed the fabric of his shirt just to pull him impossibly closer.
Flux could barely breathe anymore — every kiss made him more dizzy than any alcohol ever could. Saps was kissing him like a man starving; Flux responded the exact same way. The moment Saps pulled away even slightly, Flux followed instinctively, chasing warmth like he would die without it. It all felt so natural and familiar that it terrified Flux to the core. He wasn't scared at the possibility of someone seeing them like this, ex-boyfriends kissing each other against a hallway wall after months apart, no — it was how easy it all felt. How he was slowly realizing that some part of him had never actually let go in the first place. A quiet groan escaped Saps when Flux bit softly against his lower lip, while his hand slip upward along Flux's back until it curled possessively around the side of his neck. Suddenly, Flux felt trapped in the most intoxicating way possible — and it was funny, how it felt like Saps was holding him together and undoing him simultaneously.
Saparata's lips lowered once again and Flux tipped his head back against the wall before he could stop himself. He could feel kisses trailing across his throat, slow enough to make him shiver despite the overwhelming heat trapped between them. To him, everything felt like it was scorching. The room. His skin. Flux felt like he was being slowly set on fire and somehow he wanted to keep on burning.
"Push me away if you don't want this," Saps whispered softly against his skin in between kisses and Flux nearly laughed at himself because he should have.
He should have. But instead, he grabbed the front of Saps' shirt and dragged him up toward into another kiss; hard enough to leave them both breathless. The entire party had dissolved meaningless, after that. Music became distant and conversations blurred — nothing else existed except Saparata's hands on him and the warmth of his mouth and the unbearable realization that Flux definitely had missed this far more than he ever allowed himself to admit. He could still smell alcohol lingering in the air around them, but beneath it was Saps' cologne. And when Flux pressed slow kisses against the exposed skin near Saps' neck, he felt the shudder that ran through him — all the familiarity. All the memories.
So the words slipped out before he could stop them. "I missed you," he had said. And the moment the sentence left his mouth, Flux froze completely because suddenly the reality of what he had admitted crashed into him all at once. Shit.
Saps slowly pulled away just enough to look at him properly, half-lidded eyes dark beneath the dim lighting while his lips looked swollen from kissing. Flux immediately wanted the floor to open beneath him and swallow him whole. "I — I didn't mean to —"
But Saps kissed him again before he could finish.
The apology dissolved instantly against his mouth, swallowed whole before Flux could properly breathe it out. Every spiraling thought inside Flux's head disappeared the second warmth returned against his lips. Saps held his face carefully like he was terrified Flux would disappear the second he let go; he was kissing him like he meant it, and Flux could feel the slight tremble in the breath Saps exhaled against his mouth, could feel the way his hands tightened around him.
Saparata was pulling him closer, close enough that Flux could feel the violent rhythm of his heartbeat through his chest. He'd buried his face briefly against the side of Flux's neck, like he needed a second to breathe, and Flux felt the shaky inhale that he took there. Felt the way Saps' arms wrapped tighter around his waist afterwards.
"Fuck," Saps breathed out weakly against him, resting his forehead against the top of Flux's head. His voice cracked slightly around the edges, a sound that Flux wasn't quite used to. "You don't know how much I fucking missed you too, baby."
Flux felt his chest ache so hard from the thought of it all. How he had always convinced himself that he was finally moving on from his greatest love only for something small and stupid to reopen the wound again. He couldn't think. So nothing could've stopped himself when he reached up to kiss him again.
His lips moved with a breath-stealing urgency because there was no hesitation anymore. He had no reason to pretend that this was all a silly mistake that he would regret soon after — everything about this was just as right as how it feels. Saps froze for half a heartbeat from shock, but immediately gave in. He kissed him deeper, slower, heavier, eliciting a quiet sound that Flux made against his mouth. This was happening. It was actually happening, all this warmth, all this closeness, happening all at once.
All the stress, all the anger, all the exhaustion that he had been carrying for days, all of it didn't matter. None of it survived nor breathed in this moment; it was just Saps, the heat of him near Flux, burning and scorching and saving him.
The kiss lingered when they finally broke apart, both of them unraveling slowly as they catched their breaths. Saps' thumb brushed lightly over Flux's cheek, foreheads still pressed together.
"I missed you," Flux said again.
Saps didn't answer with words; he just kissed him, again, and Flux simply smiled into it. For the first time in his life, it didn't feel like a mistake at all.