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  1. Public Bookmark *

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    “So, you’re investigating this not-so-bad-bad-guy, and you’re coming out of his apartment at—" Wade tilts his head to the side, just enough to check his watch “—almost exactly the time you usually start your patrol.”

    Peter chews on the inside of his cheek. “Yep,” he decides on.

    “And — just to be clear — I definitely shouldn’t unalive this guy instead of the douchebag across the street.”

    “Definitely not,” Peter agrees. “No one would like that.”

    Wade bangs his head against the fire escape again. “Okay, Webs. This one’s just to gauge if you’re smarter than a fifth grader: how much of that do you think I actually believe?”

    Or: Somehow, the components of Peter’s secret identity keep crumbling all around him.

    Also: He’s running out of excuses not to tell Wade that he’s in love with him.

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    14 Dec 2025

  2. Public Bookmark *

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    Actual, molten lava floods into Peter. It explodes into existence somewhere in his stomach and climbs all the way up to his ears. He’s on fire from the inside out, his ears ringing as his mortification mounts.

    “Hooh boy,” Wade says, for some reason still in the bathroom. “Super sorry about this, Petey-pie. I mean, I didn’t know what was going on in here when I walked in, and then when I did know, I couldn’t just walk back out—"

    “I’m going to kill you,” Peter hisses.

    Or: Wade keeps catching Peter in the act. Peter might seriously, actually die.

    Series
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    1/1
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    13 Dec 2025

  3. Public Bookmark *

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    "They always insist on going down on me and I have to pretend like they’re The One who’s finally good at it. But no one’s good at it. It’s just something that doesn’t feel good.”

    Wade’s eye twitches.

    Peter glares at him. “Say it.”

    “I’m afraid I’m going to have to insist that they’re all bad at it, baby boy.”

    Or: Peter has never had a good experience getting head. Wade swears he can change his mind.

    Series
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    3,382
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    13 Dec 2025

  4. Public Bookmark *

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    Peter and Wade get stuck in an unbelievably small closet. Then something else gets stuck elsewhere, also unbelievably.

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    13 Dec 2025

  5. Public Bookmark *

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    Peter finally has a day to himself, and he decides to relax, maybe take out a couple of toys. But then Deadpool comes by and finds this remote on the counter and oh God the vibrator's still inside of him.

    Series
    Language:
    English
    Words:
    4,100
    Chapters:
    1/1
    Collections:
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    261
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    15,963
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    13 Dec 2025