Chapter Text
Fell checked his watch for the fourth time in the last five minutes. The hands had barely moved a few notches, as expected given how hard the worker was trying to control the flow of time. Something that was undoubtedly impossible. He moved between the shelves, rearranging books, pushing back those that had slipped slightly out of place, and wiping away the tiny specks of dust on the ones tucked away in the far corners, where people never ventured. He sighed, in a desperate attempt to calm the butterflies fluttering in his stomach and to loosen the knot in his throat, which would not ease no matter how much he swallowed.
How long had it been since he’d felt such an intense crush? Never, because at his age, this was the first time he had ever felt this way. As soon as that man, Anthony Crowley, had set foot in the bookstore, his entire field of vision had narrowed to focus solely on him. A tall, slender man with beautiful copper-colored hair and a sincere, radiant smile, heading straight toward him to ask if they had any books on astrophysics. He scolded himself for the clumsiness and nervousness with which he had asked Derek where the material on that subject was located, but he could not help it. His entire being had trembled in his presence, as if someone had pressed a power button, causing his body and soul to vibrate and shake. It felt as though a powerful jolt—or even a bolt of lightning—had struck him without mercy. In another world, in another universe unknown to him, the sensation might have been described as if an angel named Cupid had pierced his heart with an arrow. Unfortunately, that was not the case, and Mr. Fell would not have understood the reference even if someone had explained it to him.
A voice behind him startled him, making him jump slightly. The bookstore owner was standing behind him with an amused smile on his lips.
‘Why don’t you just leave and come back tomorrow? I don’t think we’ll get many customers until closing time, and if we do, I’m more than capable of handling them myself.’
‘But Derek, it’s still too early for me to leave.’
‘I think it’s a little late considering how badly you seem to want to rush out of here and meet that writer.’
Fell gulped, pursing his lips and letting out a little squeak of embarrassment. When he returned to the shop after running out to ask for both his autograph and his phone number, he confessed to his colleague that he had gone all out and invited him to dinner. Derek applauded his courage, as it was rare to see him so bold when it came to matters of the heart. Even so, talking about it with the man he considered his boss was slightly embarrassing.
‘I don’t know why I’m telling you any of this…’ Fell murmured, lowering his voice until it was barely audible, which made Derek start laughing. ‘Please, don’t! It’s already mortifying enough to have done it and not have had him run away.’
‘I already told you he likes you! Customers don’t look at someone selling them a book that way. Trust me, I’m never wrong about these things.’
‘But…’
‘Don’t argue. Grab your things and leave. I’m sure he’s just as nervous as you are, waiting for you to be off.’
‘I…’ he glanced outside the store, then turned his attention back to his coworker. He smiled faintly, bowing his head in a gesture of gratitude. ‘Thanks. I’ll be here a little earlier tomorrow.’
‘No need. Come on, off you go, see you tomorrow,’ Derek waved him away with his arm, the smile never leaving his lips. Just seeing Fell so happy made it all worth it
He thanked him once again for his kindness, went into the back room to grab his light-colored raincoat and his belongings, and hurried out. Or at least tried to, because he hesitated for a moment—just an instant—at the door, his hand resting on the doorknob. He felt so, SO nervous that he froze in place. His hands began to sweat, not out of fear, but out of impatience and curiosity about how the date would unfold, if it could even be considered one. What could they talk about? What would his newly met companion like? There were too many unknowns he wanted to figure out, even if it took time. He heard Derek’s impatient coughing at his hesitation, and after a slight wave of his hand in farewell, he left.
The astrophysicist was waiting for him, sitting on a bench in front of the bookstore and glancing through the pages of the book he had bought. For his part, Fell was carrying his signed and dedicated copy in a bag, and although he knew little about the subject, he was eager to get home and read it with enthusiasm and excitement. He walked with short, quick steps and stopped in front of him, clearing his throat softly but nervously. When Anthony looked up, he waved his hand in a quick, brief greeting, with a chuckle that betrayed his agitation.
‘W-well, Mr. Crowley, I’m off work. I mean, it’s obvious, that’s why I’m here,’ The greeting sounded better in his head than it actually was. He cleared his throat once more, a tic he had when he felt extremely anxious. ‘What I mean is, we are free to go.'
‘Great,’ the redhead closed the book with a firm flick of his hands, tucking it under his arm. He stood up and gave her a friendly, yet warm smile. ‘I don't get around here much, so I'm not sure where we could go.’
‘Oh, it's totally fine, I know the perfect spot. It's right nearby, no need to go far.’
‘Really? Good, it'll be easier to find where I parked the car, then,' he joked, laughing.
It was clear he wanted to lighten the mood and, in some way, put him at ease so it wouldn’t be awkward. Fell was sure he was more than aware of his nervousness, and he appreciated it. Soon he was drawn into the laughter, sharing it with him. Yet, before they began walking, he extended his hand in a formal gesture.
‘I’m afraid I haven’t introduced myself properly, and I’m truly sorry I didn’t do it earlier. My name is Asa Fell, and it’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Crowley.’
He waited for him to shake his hand in return, and they shook hands firmly when he did.
'In that case, I’m Anthony Crowley. We can ignore the fact that I’m a poorly-selling author, so I’ll introduce myself as an Astrophysicist, it sounds way cooler,' he not only smiled with his lips, but his eyes sparkled too. A warmth beyond the glasses he was wearing. Fell could not help but think they were the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen. 'Even so, please, don't be so formal. It makes me feel older than I am.'
After the greetings were over, Fell raised both hands, shaking them slightly in a negative gesture.
'Oh, being a writer sounds really interesting too! I mean, sorry, you definitely have to be really smart to understand how things work, you know… up there,' he gestured toward the sky, which was partially covered by clouds, referring to the stars that were not yet visible. 'I’m sure we’ll have some very fruitful conversations over dinner.'
'I have no doubt,' he replied, laughing again. For some reason, it felt simple and natural to do so alongside the shorter man.
Fell led the way, guiding his new friend—and perhaps something more in the future—to what he considered the perfect place to get to know each other. It was a small pub not far from the bookstore. It was not that he was prone to visiting such establishments, as he preferred to avoid places with large crowds. However, he was confident that on a weekday like that, it would be emptier than usual at that hour. Otherwise, he would just have to bite the bullet. He would do anything to make sure that date was a success. It was the first (and perhaps last, if it went badly) that a man as introverted as him had ever dared to ask for.
They went in and he approached one of the bar staff, who kindly directed them to a free table, somewhat away from the counter, which would become busier with the passing hours. They both took their seats and, without much hesitation, decided what to eat when the waitress showed them the dinner menu for that night.
‘Ah, hold on. Could you bring a bottle of Châteauneur-du-Pape, from ’88, please?’ The woman looked at him puzzled, to which Anthony added, ‘You have it, don’t you?’
‘Yes, of course, but it’s not something customers usually order. Don’t worry, I’ll bring it right away,’ she nodded before leaving.
Fell gave him a bewildered look, blinking in surprise. He had no expertise in wine, but rather, his expertise lay in food. When his confusion became more than apparent, Anthony gave him a casual wave of his hand.
‘That bottle is on me. I somehow believe, though I don’t know why, it would be a good idea to have a fine wine to go with dinner.’
‘O-of course. Forgive me if I don’t appreciate it sufficiently, I’m no wine connoisseur,’ he confessed with a sheepish tone. Judging by the look on the waitress’s face, he guessed it was an expensive bottle. Though money was not his biggest concern.
‘I’m sure you’ll enjoy it anyway,’ Anthony replied, with the same sincerity and calmness he had shown him from the very beginning.
The conversation flowed normally and smoothly until their food was served. They talked about their jobs, a little about their lives, and how the writer had ended up in the bookstore. Fell told him that he had not always worked there, explaining that he had earned his living as a teacher for years by teaching literature at the university. A job he had found fulfilling during the years he had worked at it, but now, no longer teaching, he had decided to devote his time to helping others enjoy reading as much as he did. His nerves had been pushed into the background—or so it seemed—as, minute after minute and hour after hour, the blond man kept talking about the subject with infectious passion and enthusiasm.
Anthony just listened, revealing himself as the type of person who could spend hours in silence, paying attention and admiring the enthusiasm of those who enjoy sharing their stories. The wine was a hit—he knew it the moment Fell’s face lit up as he tasted it on his lips. If nothing else, his contribution was undoubtedly a complete success.
They were already eating their main courses when, suddenly, the blond man stopped talking about himself and tried to shift the conversation to him. He chewed and swallowed the mouthful of food, allowing himself to utter a sound of pure delight and pleasure. The food, along with the wide range of flavours and sensations it offered, made eating one of his most cherished activities.
‘Well, enough about me, tell me about you,’ he said, wiping his mouth with his napkin, gently dabbing the fabric against his lips. ‘What led you to become an astrophysicist?’ he asked, giving him his full attention.
Anthony took a long sip from the wine glass in his hand whilst Fell asked his question, then carefully set it down on the table. He remained thoughtful for a few seconds, making a face that eventually turned into a soft chuckle.
‘It’s no big deal, really,’ he began, stretching his legs out under the table. Unlike the bookseller, he enjoyed the drink more than the food. He ran his index finger along the rim of his glass, lost in thought. ‘I’ve always been fascinated by the universe, ever since I was a child, so when I had to choose what to study, I said, ‘Why not?’’
‘If I may be bold, I don't consider it less significant just because it was something you decided in your youth. That you were so sure of it means it was a true calling.’
‘More or less,’ there it was, that smile that had eclipsed Fell in the shop. He looked away when he realised how long he had been mesmerised by it. ‘Actually, I first wanted to be an astronaut, but as you can see, I don't meet the physical requirements,’ he burst out laughing, gesturing from head to toe.
‘I’m sure you could have found ways to tone up!’ Fell exclaimed, almost offended that he was joking about it.
Anthony shook his head, still laughing. He took off his glasses briefly to rub his eyes.
‘Not at all, I wish it'd been that simple,’ he would rather say that than admit to not being particularly interested in exercise. ‘So, since I couldn't go into space myself, I decided to focus on studying it instead. That way, I could understand it better and help others reach it in my place.’
Fell fell silent, overwhelmed by the feeling his sincerity stirred in him. He thought, unwilling to voice it, that it was a most generous act. Devoting all your knowledge and effort in order to help humanity, however slightly. Unable to control it, his face softened, revealing an expression that was utterly calm and full of tenderness.
‘In that case, I think that says a lot about you. I’m sure your studies and publications have been of great help to those with the opportunity to explore beyond the limits of our planet.’
‘I really hope so,’ concluded the writer, smiling in return, moved by his honesty.
The dinner finished smoothly. The conversation never faltered, nor was it forced or unnatural. They talked and talked for hours, oblivious to the hustle and bustle that grew around them. Fell was so caught up in his own world that he was unaware of the large crowd filling the restaurant. In any other situation, things would have been very different. He even came to think, to sense, that they were not meeting for the first time, but rather that it was a reunion with someone very dear whom he had not seen in a long time. It flowed so naturally he wished, with all his heart, for the astrophysicist to have felt the same, so that they could meet again at least one more time.
Once outside, they realised their paths must part. Fell’s house was in one direction, whilst Anthony had parked his car in the exact opposite direction. A silence followed, and the bookseller swallowed hard, lowering his gaze to the ground. He had to do something, given that, despite everything, he still had not managed to get his phone number, leaving no possibility of a second date. He mulled it over, desperately searching for a more than valid excuse to convince the redhead to meet up again. But the latter's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, bringing him abruptly back to reality.
‘Would you like to meet up elsewhere in town this weekend?,’ he asked, keeping his gaze fixed on him, as if he knew no shame. ‘I mean, do you have any time off on which you don’t work and rest?’
Fell looked at him, clearly moved, unable to hide—nor even wanting to—what that proposal had meant to him. A smile lit up his face so brightly that Anthony could have sworn that, in his presence, everything around him was shining. He held his breath for a few seconds, waiting for a reply that felt like an eternity. The bookseller nodded slightly, almost jumping with delight.
‘Of course, I’m free on Saturday! I’d love to see you again,’ he said sincerely, even though he knew it would cause him unparalleled embarrassment. ‘We could go for a walk and enjoy the morning. The forecast calls for good weather and not even a single drop over the weekend.’
‘Well, in that case,’ Anthony brought a hand to his chin, ponderous. A few seconds later he snapped his fingers, nodding in agreement. ‘How about meeting at nine in St James’s Park? By the lake.’
Something stirred within Fell. For some reason he had never fully understood, he had always been drawn to that place, as if his body or mind were filled with an inexplicable sense of longing. That was why he often spent his days off devouring books on one of the many benches situated exactly where the astrophysicist wanted to meet. He nodded almost desperately, his expression once again capable of illuminating even the deepest darkness.
‘I absolutely love that place. It’s very special to me,’ he said, bringing the bag with the book, which he had bought a few hours earlier and that his companion had signed for him, instinctively to his chest. ‘I’ll be there.’
‘See you soon, then,’ a straightforward farewell, but by no means cold.
Fell watched as the man walked away, but not before raising his hand and waving it gently in the air. His nerves vanished, as if Anthony were taking them with him as he left. A wave of satisfaction overwhelmed him, and although he tried to label what he was feeling or understand it, he was unable to. Never before had he felt that way, or at least, not that he could remember.
And yet, he finally got the feeling that, somehow, he had just found someone who made him feel complete.