Chapter Text
At first, Agott was convinced the hardest part of her crush was acknowledging that it does in fact exist.
To think that her first impression of Coco could pivot in the complete opposite direction is still difficult to grasp, as her envy and affection contest with each other whenever she lays eyes on the girl. Taking turns and competing even if the gentler side comes out the victor each time.
But her heart does jump when she drapes a blanket over Coco's shoulders when her fellow apprentice has fallen asleep atop her glyph studies again. And her cheeks do feel warm when Coco gives her a smile so bright it could replace the sun. And her palms do get clammy and make it awful heart to make her lines as neat as usual when she knows that Coco is watching along in admiration of her honed skill.
Still, she knows she has missed her chance. Tartah is miles ahead of her, and she could never top a gift as great as a personalised wand, nor has she ever worked on a private project with Coco for several days on end, or snuck off together during the silver night festival only to return with matching jewellery. All she has is a pair of shoes that work different from the norm, with one of the girl's first functional spells drawn clumsineatly (a word that Agott has invented just for Coco in the secrecy of her mind) on the bottom, but that was a one-sided gift—an apology, really—in which Agott had been bitter and hostile and had wished for Coco to just go away already in a truly awful string of thoughts and actions. A gentle boy like Tartah is far more deserving of a sweet girl like her roommate.
It did hurt.
After the moment they had spent together. Showing the magic she keeps hidden to Coco as if revealing her soul, trying to correct her past mistakes by helping Coco when she got stuck in magic block for the first time.
How fiercely Coco had defended her against Loroga and pointed out all the little habits that Agott had developed that she honestly did not think anyone would ever notice. But the other apprentice had. Enough times to confidently state it as parts of Agott, and not one-off-ocassions of noticing something funny. For once, she felt seen for the person she is beyond her magic proficiency.
Coco has filled her life with discoveries even the limited time that they have known each other. The warmth of hugs, the interesting qualities of imperfect glyphs, the courage of asking for help, the joy in working alongside another person. Coco's soft laughter when he glyphs turn out just right after several attempts, and how she wants Agott to see them all.
But she has been acting different, ever since their return from the festival. A quiet concentration, a purpose behind every spell, missing the bright twinkle in her eye that used to indscriminately show for every bit of magic she came across.
Which makes Agott want to try harder, so she can see those moments of wonder return.
A small sculpture of light sent from her desk to Coco's to propose taking a break together, a new tool that serves no real purpose past being warm to the touch, extinguishing the flame of her candles with a particularly pointed water glyph when the girl studies into the late hours of the night. Coco has never been upset about the abrupt interruption of her focus, her only response as a jolt followed by a small smile and the recognition that it has become quite late.
"Just finishing this up," Coco will chirp, as if the set of her jaw and the darkness of her undereyes never existed. "Then I'll go to bed, promise."
"Want me to take a look?" Agott will offer, because it's the least she can do.
"That would be great," She will answer, always accompanied by a little sigh of relief. As if she had meant to ask for Agott's help already but lacked the courage to do so. Even now that they have become friends.
It changes, on a day with no obligations as they play in the snow. Shaping it into sculptures without using magic, their fingers freezing even through the thick padding of their mittens, face red from the cold but nowhere near enough to lure them back indoors; where there is sure to be hot chocolate and tea and snacks waiting.
To put it simply; it's far too much fun to head back in. Richeh never comes out for the sake of comfort, Tetia succumbs to the freezing temperature quickly, and so only the two of them remain. They find a decently sized chunk of bark to use as a makeshift sleigh to take down the different hills around their atelier. They roll small balls through snow until they become large enough to turn into a snowman. They lay down on a large stretch of white to leave behind angels the same size as themselves. And, finally, they have themselves an all out snowball battle for the ages, even with both girls chilled to the bone by this point.
Agott's aim is a lot better, but Coco runs much faster, so the fight is surprisingly even.
Until, at some point, Coco actually manages to escape her sight. She looks around for a sign of the girl, even turning her gaze to the air for possible flight, only to be thrown off balance when a force crashes into her from the side.
She lands on her back in the soft snow, body turned while she fell as instinct tried to protect her before her mind had a chance to catch up. With the same instinct, she catches whatever has hit her with both arms, cradling it against her body. A weight landing on top of her as she gathers her bearings.
The form peels itself away, as she is greeted with that unique shade of hair framing that familiar bright smile. It seems that her fellow apprentice had decided to launch herself right into Agott to gain the upper hand in their battle. Which works, mainly for a reason that Coco is blissfully unaware of—or at least, Agott hopes her crush is not too obvious that it's already a known fact—as she simply giggles and cocks her head as if waiting for Agott's surrender.
If it were any other circumstance, any other person, she would roll them back around and take back control without it ever being a big deal. But this is Coco. So instead, she is preoccupied by the guilt that settles heavy at the pit of her stomach, as her belly is full of butterflies that are going crazy under this close proximity. As if she is doing something wrong in hoping for more than friendship, letting Coco get this near under the pretense of it being platonic. Especially when there is already some sort of relationship blossoming for the girl with Tartah. There is no room for her here, and at least she is used to that.
Agott makes up her mind then and there; she will confess. A rejection would make it much easier to move past, and it might change Coco's opinion of and behaviour around her, but at least it would no longer feel as if she is lying to her roommate.
But she will make it a proper effort. Even if only for the tiniest chance it could work out and their feelings turn out to be mutual, or to at least set an example for Coco of the treatment she deserves, or maybe just so that she has an excuse to drag it out a while longer because she is afraid of the reaction she will receive.
For now, the most important issue is exactly how she will make the best confession.