Work Text:
A.Z. FELL & CO
Nowhere in space and time
«Should we keep the Great Depression?»
The former demon Crowley slid towards Aziraphale’s armchair and rested his elbows on the seatback. «Which one?»
«1929. And, you know…» The former angel Aziraphale put down the pen and stared in the nothingness out of the window. «All the things it led to. We could chop all that!» He wiggled his fingers in the air.
Crowley smiled fondly and leaned down to lay a kiss on Aziraphale’s curls. «You know the deal, Angel.»
«You didn’t say that about the 14th Century!»
Crowley snorted. «Weellgh, we kept it, didn’t we?»
«And what about the M25?»
«Humanity will be better without that abomination.»
«I added it.»
«Of course you did!»
«To be fair, I added everything. All wars and crisis and injustices and inhumanities… Or maybe I should call them humanities.» Aziraphale sounded exhausted.
Crowley slowly began massaging his shoulders. «Our job was to save and corrupt. But we never had much to do, uh?»
«Yeah...»
«Are you having second thoughts?»
«What? No! Of course not. It’s just that I hate writing about the 20th Century», Aziraphale said as Crowley gently pushed him away from his chair toward the sofa.
«Would you like me to do it?»
«No, no, dear. You already worked on all the stars, plants and evolution’s nitty-gritty from the Big Bang to the first human. I just need a bit of rest. Plus, it wasn’t all that bad, the 20th Century. We had sushi, the cinema, the jukeboxes, the queer and feminist movements, and James Joyce, Pablo Picasso, the Queens… You bought our Bentley!»
«Ah! Don’t remind me of that.» Crowley had already prepared thirty pages about it. He wanted it to be tickety-boo for their return to Earth. Tickety-b… Ugh, that indefinite time spent with Aziraphale in the same building was starting to take its toll. Not that he minded.
«Aw, I’m sorry.» Aziraphale adjusted himself on the couch to look at Crowley. «Have I ever told you how sweet you were that time?»
Crowley grimaced. «Blegh. Don’t call me sweet. I’m not sweet.»
«No, you’re right. You are a foul fiend who holds onto the same old scarf I gave him the second time we met, and gave away his beloved car for my bookshop.»
The former demon shrugged. «It was nothing.»
«It wasn’t! I’ve never properly thanked you.»
«Really? You sure did.» Probably he just thought it, but thought and words weren’t that different between them.
Aziraphale shook his head. «I was too worried about… all those Heaven things.»
Crowley curled his nose. He hated bringing up Heaven or Hell, or anything ineffable, really. That chapter was erased for good, and both him and Aziraphale weren’t planning on bringing it back.
It was only the two of them, now. All alone at the end of all things.
He leaned against the couch, his hand on the seatback and his face closer and closer to Aziraphale’s. «Oh, I remember. You were so caught up with all those Heaven things.» And you came to me. He leaned more and grinned at Aziraphale’s sudden flush.
«You took me back.»
«I mean. You were so lost, and fidgety and flustered…» Crowley moved back a little, just to sit on his companion’s lap. «I couldn’t leave you.» He slowly traced his hand along Aziraphale’s arm, letting his fingers linger near the edge of his collar.
Aziraphale snatched Crowley’s hand before it could start playing with his bow tie. «You couldn’t?»
Crowley grunted. «Nope.»
«Because…»
«Ugh, come on Angel.» He could be so cheesy sometimes.
«Say it.»
The former angel asked, the former demon gave in. «‘cosIluvya.»
«You always speak so fast… I am a book lover, I like my words slow and clear!»
Crowley hissed and rolled his eyes. Mostly for the scene. They both loved making a scene.
Aziraphale poked him on his chest. «Coome on.»
«'cause I love you, Angel. I needed to take you back.» Crowley waved his free hand into the air. «I never let you go, really.»
Aziraphale smiled. He rested their hands on Crowley’s lap, and moved closer for a light kiss. He knew that his companion liked love to be felt more than said. «I love you, too. Since the beginning of time.»
Crowley gave him a gentle headbutt. «Nothing new, innit?»
«I just like saying it now that we can. You’ll grow tired of it.» Aziraphale started stroking Crowley’s hand with his thumb.
Crowley sighed, taking in all the warmth of that moment. He used to dream about times like that. «Nah, I won’t.» The former demon silently asked for another kiss, the former angel gave in. «You owe me a bunch of these.»
«I shouldn’t have left you.»
«Stop with the nonsense and kiss me.»
***
An indefinite amount of time later
«It’s finished!» Aziraphale screamed Crowley’s name down in the hallway and the former demon came running.
«You done?»
The Book of Life sat on his desk, closed.
Crowley look at it with disbelief. There was no way to determined how much time has passed, but they were finally done. Everything was going back into its place, and this time for good. Yet, he could see the restlessness in Aziraphale’s face, as he still kept the pen tight in his hand.
«Are you thinking about Her?» Crowley asked.
The former angel sighed. «I don’t know. Maybe we should write Her back. I mean. Who are we to recreate the universe without God?»
Crowley shrugged. «First, I don’t think She deserves a say in this. Second, ugh, I don’t think She’s ever left.»
Aziraphale frowned. «What? What do you mean?»
YOU CAN’T ERASE EXISTENCE FROM HERSELF, AZIRAPHALE.
A voice came from the air, powerful and calm like the spires of the cosmos.
Aziraphale widened his eyes and squealed. «Oh, my God. Oh, my God. She’s here!»
Crowley jumped, taken by surprise, then started laughing like a maniac. «Ohoh, I didn’t expect it to go like this. Surprise! Were you creeping on us?»
I DO NOT CREEP. I AM.
«Yeah, yeah, right. Jeez, I forgot how I hate talking to you. So, how’s the End of Times going? Having a good vacation?» Crowley asked. «What were you waiting for? A grand entrance?»
THERE’S NO POINT IN GOD IF NOONE CALLS MY NAME, CROWLEY.
«Aww, did we hurt your feelings not mentioning you?»
Aziraphale leaned frantically against him. «Crowley, I don’t think this…»
Crowley briefly squeezed Aziraphale’s hand. «Angel. We are the only two creatures left at the end of existence. We are here because she wants us to be.»
Aziraphale looked at the air before them. «What do you want from us?»
THERE IS NOTHING I WANT. YOU CALLED FOR ME.
Crowley frowned. «There is nothing you want? Oh, that’s new.»
HE IS RETICENT. AND YOU HAVE QUESTIONS.
«Ah, forget the questions! I don’t care for your answers anymore. You forced your Ineffable Plan, made by immortal beings, onto a reality that’s defined and made by mortals, and you fumbled it up. There are no answers in miscalculations.»
LOVE.
«What?»
I CREATED A UNIVERSE THAT I DEEPLY LOVED AND WHEN I DID, I FELT THE URGE TO TEACH THAT FEELING TO EVERYONE. SO I SHOWED IT TO ANGELS; IMMORTAL BEINGS MADE TO BE GOOD, FAITHFUL, AND JUST, THAT I THOUGHT WOULD LOVE IT AND CHERISH IT JUST AS I DID. BUT I WAS WRONG. ANGELS DIDN’T LOVE THE UNIVERSE FOR ITSELF; THEY LOVED IT BECAUSE THEY LOVED ME.
Aziraphale opened his mouth to say something, but Crowley stopped him with a gesture before any sound could make its way out. There was no point in correcting Her.
THEN CAME DEMONS. BUT THEY WERE BORN FROM ANGER AND WRATH. AND HATE. THEY HATED THE UNIVERSE BECAUSE THEY HATED ME.
«That’s when you created earth and humans», Crowley said.
A NEW SPECIES RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE. NOT EVIL, NOT GOOD. MADE OF THE SAME MATTER OF THE UNIVERS. I TAUGHT THEM SCIENCE AND RELIGION, ART AND LOGIC, LOVE AND HATE; I GAVE THEM ANGELS AND DEMONS, RULES TO FOLLOW AND RULES TO BREAK; I ORCHESTRATED EVERY STEP TO HELP THEM UNDERSTAND ALL SIDES OF REALITY. THE UNIVERSE EXPERIENCING ITSELF IN THE MOST COMPLETE AND INFORMED WAY. LOVE IN IT’S PUREST FORM.
«And what? You learned that not every one of them loves your creation, and decided to tip the board over?»
I LEARNED THAT LOVE COMES FROM SIGNIFICANCE AND SIGNIFICANCE COMES FROM FINITUDE. I CAME TO THE CONCLUSION THAT HUMANS LOVED AND HATED WITH SO MUCH PASSION BECAUSE THEY HAD SO LITTLE TIME. THE UNIVERSE NEEDED TO END.
Crowley started walking in circles in the middle of the bookshop, one hand on his forehead. «Not with the nothing lasts forever bullshit again.» He mumbled to himself before pointing at the ceiling. «So, you did all of this just because you wanted someone to look at your school project and tell you it’s good? That’s pretty fucked up, my lady!»
«Crowley that's not…»
«No, no, no, Angel, please. I’ve been waiting for this my entire existence. Love comes from finitude? Bullshit! Fear comes from finitude. Humans never loved your creation because it was going to end or because angels and demons show them a different perspective. They loved it because it was full of wonders! They had beauty all around them. They had stars and nebulas and galaxies, they had plants, oceans, animals, and emotions, connections, fraternity, romance…» Crowley looked at Aziraphale, his serpentine eyes blurred by the tears. «It’s impossible not to love something that beautiful.»
Aziraphale joined his side. «We loved it. We still do. And so did billions of people.»
I KNOW IT, NOW. I WAS WRONG. YOU SHOWED IT TO ME TIMES AND TIMES AGAIN. EVEN AT THE END OF EVERYTHING. I WANTED FOR ALL TO EXPERIENCE LOVE AND WONDER AS I DID, AND I DID NOT REALISE THEY ALREADY HAD IT ALL.
«You gave them every beauty and every horror, and let them free to choose. That's all they've ever needed.»
THERE’S NO NEED FOR ME.
«Nor demons or angels.» Crowley said.
«Or a pointless war between them.» Aziraphale concluded.
They all went silent for a time.
Then Crowley had to choke a laugh. They ended up teaching a lesson to God.
She was wrong.
What a non-time to exist!
«I guess it’s time...» Aziraphale said at some point.
IT IS.
AND WHAT SHOULD I DO WITH YOU, AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY?
The former demon rubbed his eyes. «We'll leave.»
«Like the other angels and demons.»
IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?
They lowered their heads, silent.
Crowley hated hated hated the idea of leaving. But they knew, Aziraphale and him, they’ve always known. For humanity’s sake, they had to leave. All demons, all angels, all gods and adversaries. It was an act of love; their act of love for a humanity that deserved to live with no ineffable concoctions.
During that indefinite time in the bookshop, they had made their peace with that.
«It's not about us», Aziraphale said.
God didn't answer right away. Omniscience Herself took a moment to think. Then She spoke.
YOU CHEASED TO BE LIKE THE OTHERS A LONG TIME AGO.
Aziraphale’s hand run to Crowley’s.
AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY. IMMORTAL BEINGS WHO CHOSE TO GROW IN THE IMAGE AND LIKENESS OF HUMANITY. EREDITARY ENEMIES BONDED BY LOVE. THE OPPOSITE OF MY WORDS, THE INCARNATION OF DEVIANCE, THE EPITOME OF CHOICE. MY BEST AND MY WORST CREATIONS.
Crowley snorted.
FOR SIX THOUSAND YEARS YOU SHOWED ME THAT LOVE DOES NOT COME FROME FINITUDE. YOU, MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE, LOVED AS MUCH AS I DID. YOU ARE NO ANGEL NOR DEMON; THOSE ARE GOD'S THINGS. YOU BELONG TO EARTH.
Warmth flushed Crowley's chest. It wasn't over. Not yet. Thanks God.
Literally.
Aziraphale, on the other hand, started shaking. «Wait. You are leaving us?»
I'LL GO BACK BEIN EXISTENCE. NOTHING MORE.
«But what should we do without your Word!»
YOU DON'T NEED MY WORD. I ALREADY GAVE CROWLEY THE KEY TO CREATE AND YOU THE SWORD TO PROTECT. WATCH HUMANITY, PROTECT IT, PRESERVE ITS FREE WILL. LOVE IT FROM AFAR WITH THE SAME FONDNESS THAT PARENTS HAVE FOR THEIR CHILD.
«But you are the Creator! They are your children!» Aziraphale screamed, tears running on his cheeks. Crowley wrapped an arm around his shoulders and draw him closer; he knew how it felt to leave Her behind.
I’M NOT THE ONE WRITING THE STORY ANYMORE.
The Book of Life suddenly opened; the pages started turning like moved by an impalpable wind. A bright and warm light flooded the room, erasing the remains of an outdated reality.
FAREWELL, AZIRAPHALE AND CROWLEY. MAY THE GARDEN OF EARTH ALWAYS BE YOUR HOME.
***
Earth
A.Z. FELL & CO
May 2026
They got married as soon as the universe got reestablished.
After a rich dinner at the Ritz, at the sound of a «There is no me without you. You are my home, my shelter, and my companion. You showed me what true love is, and made me complete. Crowley, would you…», Aziraphale invertedly dropped his ring in the middle of the restaurant, spreading the panic in a room filled with stunned clients. Luckily for him, Crowley had a replacement ready in his coat’s pocket.
All it took was the time to gather up human friends, and a couple of former angels and demons. They were all perfectly integrated with society; they had family and friends, and seemed to remembered Aziraphale and Crowley as former colleagues. God really did Her last homework right this time.
It was a short and heartfelt ceremony. No God’s eye watching on their union, only their love and the UK legislation. That was a hard pill for Aziraphale to swallow; a godless universe was something he needed to wrap his head around. It required time, but luckily, they had all the time in the world.
Anathema Device officiated the wedding, and Benedict, her and Newt’s child, was the flower boy. People cried, laughed, yelled «ABOUT DAMNED TIME», and the gathering slowly moved to the bookshop. Needless to say that, in a matter of minutes, all Whickber Street joined the celebrations.
Birds filled the street and sang songs thorough the entire day. People were utterly joyful, almost euphoric. As if, deep down, part of them knew they all had narrowly escaped deletion.
Near sunset, Crowley was inside the bookshop recharging his social battery, when Aziraphale joined him with two glasses of wine. «Taking a break?»
The former demon took a glass, and looked at the crowd outside. «Just thinking… Maybe we could join them some day.»
Aziraphale took a sip. «Becoming human, you mean?»
«At some point. We could, I d’no», Crowley shot the free hand forward, «throw our souls into the reincarnation game. Like Muriel and the others.»
Aziraphale looked at the crowd. «Do you think we’d like that?»
«Yeah, I mean, we would live a human life. Maybe in a feminine body; I wouldn’t mind that. I would study astrophysics; you would work in a bookshop. We would meet sometimes in our adult life, fall in love, get married, buy a cottage in the South Downs, grow old, cherish every moment. All that.»
«You really have thought it through… What makes you so sure that we’ll meet and fall in love? You could be born in Italy and I could be born in New Zealand!»
«There are Internet and planes nowadays, Angel, it’s not that hard.»
«What if we do not remember each other?»
«After six thousand years? Oh, I would find you even if we were ducks, mark my words.»
Aziraphale looked at his wedding ring. «The soul always remembers…»
«Smtn like that. But I don’t think we should do it any time soon. We have thousand of years to catch up on.»
The former angel giggled and rested his head on Crowley’s shoulder. «You’re becoming sentimental…»
«Yup, okay, time to reincarnate.»
Aziraphale lightly smacked his chest. «Oh my world, I can’t say anything! You grumpy snake.»
«The risks of being in love with a demon…» Crowley pecked a kiss on Aziraphale’s head.
Aziraphale shot a glance to Beelzebub and Gabriel: they were making out right outside the window. «Nope, that’s all you.»
«That’s all us.» Crowley raised his glass. «Don’t you like it?»
A clink filled the air. «I love it.»