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I’ll make it. I’ll make the Universe your way. I’ll even let an Earth happen. Eventually, there’ll be humans and life, in all of its mundane glory. Something that both of you will neither know nor experience, though.
“That doesn’t matter.”
Say goodbye then.
Aziraphale wakes up from a dream that lasted 6000 years. One that started in a garden and ended… in a bookshop.
He looks around. Is he still there, in the same bookshop from his dream? No, it doesn’t seem like it. His bookshop was less modern, and not many books were actually sold in it. This one had brightly colored walls and a full cash register.
Aziraphale hears steps from behind him. When he turns around, he has to steady himself against one of the bookshelves. Was he like one of those birds seeing their reflection for the first time?
Before Aziraphale was a man with the same posture as him, the same round face, the same blue eyes. But how can that be? He should have never been able to see this universe, so how can there be a replacement for him here? Or maybe Aziraphale is the one who is now replacing the man in front of him. It’s hard to tell.
Aziraphale looks around once again, as if the answer is hidden somewhere. Was he only a character in a book again? That couldn’t be it. She gave them the decision, and they chose humanity’s free will- a Godless universe, one without demons, and… angels. How come Aziraphale is here? He is about to say something when the man walks right past him, an excited spring in his step.
“Hello, dear!” the man (should he call him Aziraphale as well?) said as someone came in. Aziraphale looked towards the door, and his heart broke a little. He had the same red hair and the same wrinkles marked on the sides of human eyes.
“How are you doing, love?” Crowley, well, the man who looked a lot like Crowley, asked in a sweet tone. Aziraphale realised he really was the bird looking in the mirror, because if there had been a nightingale the day Crowley, his Crowley, had kissed him, it would have seen the same image Aziraphale is seeing now.
Crowley had his hand around the other-Aziraphale’s waist, as he gave him a quick but significant kiss. The only comfort Aziraphale felt was in the silence outside the bookshop. No bird could be heard singing.
“Better now that you’re here. I can’t wait to have lunch. I’m thinking of the Vietnamese from down the road. What do you think?”
“Whatever works for you, angel.”
They held each other's hands. “We’re going out, Derek!” Other-Aziraphale yelled to who Aziraphale assumed was the actual bookshop’s owner. “I’ll be back at three!”
“Okay! See you later, Asa. Buh-bye, Anthony,” Derek, who looked an awful lot like the Metatron, replied in a happy chirp. The door clicked as it closed behind them.
Asa and Anthony, seriously? That’s what the copies of him and Crowley were called? Even with all its free will, this universe clearly lacked creative flair. He did have to admit, though, he could understand why God had liked to watch him and Crowley’s relationship from afar. They made the room feel fuller, warmer. Maybe that’s why She chose to make those versions of them, so others could enjoy their love too.
Aziraphale yearned to love like that too, to have the time to cherish what he had felt for 6000 years. But he wouldn’t be able to, not without him.
They didn’t get to have a proper goodbye. God gave them the privacy to discuss their decision, but not to say their final goodbyes. He could still feel the warmth of Crowley’s fingers entangled within his as they turned into dust. It had not been enough.
“Wow…” A voice behind Aziraphale said. “A whole new universe to explore, and we both decided to go to the same place. I guess time really made us both predictable.”
Aziraphale turned around and, once again, had to steady himself against the bookshelves. Crowley stood before him, snake-eyed and red-haired, exactly as he was meant to be. His Crowley.
“Did I say the wrong thing? Should I meet you elsewhere?” Crowley asked, the light from the windows hitting him from behind. It gave him a sort of angelic glow.
Aziraphale didn’t reply. He didn’t need to. The embrace he gave Crowley was enough to speak all the words he kept inside his mind. Crowley made gentle circles on Aziraphale’s back, and buried his nose in the angel’s white puff of curls. Aziraphale put his ear against his chest; he tried to listen to his heartbeat. There was none. They stayed like that for a while, warm and steady.
Aziraphale only allowed himself to let go once reality distorted enough for him to care. Around them, objects from the bookshop were disappearing into thin air. As they looked out the window, they realised the anomaly was not restricted to the store. Outside, streetlights, benches, trash cans, and even parts of the road were fading out of existence.
“What is happening?” Aziraphale asked.
“There’s a glitch in the universe…” Crowley was going to continue, but he didn’t have to. Aziraphale had already understood what was going on. Something that wasn’t supposed to be here had found its way to this universe.
“This time… Will we be able to have a proper goodbye?”
“We might, but we have to be quick.” Crowley stepped into the middle of the bookshop’s circular rug. “It’s the last time we’ll ever see humanity, angel. Is there anything you want to do before we go?”
Aziraphale didn’t know what to do. He hadn’t been expecting to have one last chance to say goodbye to the world. He looked around and saw nothing but shelves displaying numerous books. He found one containing British classics. He picked up A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens. It wasn’t his preferred choice, but for the end of all, it would do well.
“It’s fitting, I think,” Aziraphale said, feeling his heart suddenly heavy. “A former-bookkeeper’s wish is to read one last book.”
Aziraphale sat down on a comfortable chair, and Crowley followed right after him. The former-demon laid his head on his shoulder, and Aziraphale put his arm around him, playing with his hair. It was peaceful. He didn’t know what waited for him after this, but he promised himself to, if he could, keep this memory forever.
He laid the book on his lap and opened it to find all the words missing. The pages were completely blank. Aziraphale had seen this happen before.
“Oh…”
Crowley put his arm around Aziraphale’s neck, holding him tighter. The angel refused to give up. He skipped through all the book’s pages until he found a written one. It was the very last page of the book.
“Read it,” Crowley said. “It’s better than nothing.”
Despite it, Aziraphale closed the book. He sighed, gently running his finger through Crowley’s red waves.
“It’s not worth it. The ending is an important part, but if you focus on it too much, you’ll miss out on the beauty of the rest.” Aziraphale replied, brushing the ruffled hair away from Crowley’s eyes.
“What about you, my dear? What is your last wish?” Aziraphale asked.
Crowley looked through the window to see the chaos from outside.
“I don’t know. All I ever wanted was a pretty place to spend eternity. Somewhere you can see the sky.”
He didn’t know how he managed to perform that miracle, but suddenly, they were somewhere far away from Soho. It was nighttime; the grass took a purplish colour under the dark sky filled with stars.
“Wow…”
“You can’t see something like this back in the bookshop, can you?” Aziraphale asked, smiling at Crowley’s mesmerised gaze.
“You definitely can’t.”
“You like it?”
“I love it,” Crowley answered, looking at Aziraphale.
They stood there in silence, gazing at the stars. Sometimes, Crowley would tap Aziraphale’s shoulder to lead his attention towards a specific star of light in the sky. But mostly, they held each other's hands.
“Hey… Crowley…”
“Yes. I know.” They soon would have to go.
They had both said goodbye to a piece of the world. Now all that was left to do…
Crowley got up and gave his hand to Aziraphale, who took it to help himself up. They stood facing each other, waiting for the other to begin.
“Crowley…” Aziraphale began, afraid they would run out of time if none of them started speaking. “It was… An honour to share my years on earth with you.” He took his hands in his. “And… I’m sorry I wasn’t always clear on how I felt. I regret not taking advantage of the time we had.”
“I regret it too. Although I do believe, even if we got to spend some of that time together, it wouldn’t have been enough.”
Tears were falling from Aziraphale’s eyes as he nodded to Crowley’s words. “I can’t believe we did it. It’s over, but we won, didn’t we?”
“We did. We gave humanity a chance.” Crowley gently wiped the tears away from Aziraphale’s cheek. “C’mon now, you said it yourself. It’s not worth reading a book only for its ending. You’re forgetting about the journey that led to it.” Aziraphale gave him a sad smile. “If I had another hundred lives with 6000 years each, I would have chosen to have the same journey with you in every single one of them. And if it came to that, I would have chosen the same ending.”
Aziraphale took a deep breath, acknowledging what he said. They were ready to go. Aziraphale gently cupped the sides of Crowley’s face as he kissed his lips. No forgiveness this time. It wasn’t that kind of universe anymore.
And as a bird sang in the distance, Crowley and Aziraphale slowly vanished, never to be seen again. Whether the bird was a nightingale, it’s up to the imagination. For Derek, when he finally got down to writing a book, he made sure there was a songbird in each tree written in the book.
The book’s characters were inspired by his worker, Asa Fell, and his husband, Anthony Crowley, who, at heart, were just enough of a bastard and a good person to be worth knowing. In the world he created, angels, demons, a book of life, and a God existed. And a very special angel and demon who gave all up for the world they fell in love with together.