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The beginning was something unusual - something full of confusion and blurry memories. The bright sun traveled over their heads as puffy clouds gave out some shade - a small blessing against hot weather. Ash didn’t remember arriving at a round, white lobby nor getting onto the boat. A giant yacht in fact. Everything has seemed to be an uncanny nightmare - the endless white corridors with identical sleeping quarters, the big yard with a pool that came off quite unreal - it all felt so familiar, but instead of warmth that should come with a sensation like that, Ash felt as nausea and dread filled out his guts. A very luxurious way of transporting it was - something too strange to be normal - as if deep inside he knew it was not a place where he belonged. His memory malfunctioned, memories that should be there disappearing, mixing with one another - leaving a tangled mess of thoughts in their way.
Ash didn’t remember when or how he got there, but that didn’t matter - it should have but yet it didn’t. One of the first few people who spoke to him did. A red headed panda hybrid with a mouth that never shut up and a sharp smile that didn’t completely reach his eyes. He was an assassin - at least that’s what he claimed. Their conversation was awkward at first, as was the case with most of them. Yet deep inside Ash knew that the future destined for him would be tightly intertwined with his new energetic friend. They swore to take over the world together - as a pair - as a master and his blade. The glitched moss sat heavily in his pocket - burning down a hole in his heart - quickly making space for a newly befriended polish menace.
After the crash, when the boat barely made it to dry land, Ash didn’t speak to Ewron, he was too busy getting to know other passengers and trying to find a way out. Didn’t even bother looking for the panda. In the end he just absently observed as the other man ran out of the place, where all of the passengers were forced to wait, hand in hand with a blond shiba inu. They seemed to know each other - just a few minutes earlier Ash saw them whispering near one of the quartz pillars, separated by millimetres with excited smiles spread across their faces. Ash lost sight of them, when he followed other people running away from the yacht. With one question in mind, Ash took in the new world around him:
When the push comes to shove - would Ewron be able to kill his friend as well?
After a few hours they had met once again in a small cave, where Ewron and his friend set up a temporary base. Quackity and Schatt were by their side as well, surrounded by undead villagers and other monsters. Even with chaos around them Ash couldn’t help but pay close attention to his partner’s companion. He quickly learnt that Shiba Inu's name was Nexe. He was tall, much taller than Ewron and Ash. The ease when they spoke to each other, the snarky remarks and inside jokes exchanged between them, made Ash feel like an outsider - someone who isn’t supposed to be able to privy on the interactions between two hybrids. But then Ewron turned to him, gave him an enchanted book and in a comical turn of events - dubbed Ash an honorary Pole. Suddenly he didn’t feel lonely anymore.
Next time they met, the Polski Cave had a new location and two fresh residents. Ash didn’t bother to pretend that he cared about their names, but with Ewron’s constant need of talking he learnt more about Poles than his own people. Graf was a decent guy - kind, polite, always smiling gently when spoken to - he also knew more languages than a normal person would ever need. The second Pole was the one Ash felt unsure about. Ewron spoke highly of him - as if there was an untold story between the two men - but Ash didn’t feel entitled enough to pry. If Ewron didn’t touch the topic by himself, then when asked he would probably just circle around the question and never truly answer. Multi was quite a character. Quiet, observant and very suspicious. Ash couldn't shake off a feeling that he would become a problem as the time went on. The look in his eyes, the perfectly practised fake smile on his face, even his tone - sweet and smooth - screamed trouble.
Ash decided to stay away from Polski Cave. After all, the only person worth visiting was Ewron and the panda had no problem meeting near the Regime.
Ash wished he could say that the attachment to the hybrid was fabricated for his needs - that it was just a fleeing emotion that would soon disappear. Ash would be lying. With every secret meeting, with every word exchanged, with every spared glance, he felt his heart grow in size. Before he knew it, the days spent with the panda became a highlight of his week and he began counting the minutes till he would be able to see his friend again. The people of the Regime noticed the sudden interest their leader had in the panda, but didn’t seem to hold it against him - quite the opposite - Ash lost count how many times Tubbo came around to talk with him about Ewron’s on-going affairs; how many times Faris had sent him a knowing look, when Ash let his eyes wander for too long on the hybrid; the few times Haiper joked about Ash caring too much. It was nice. The Regime was steadily growing, new machinery and buildings towered over the region and the bond between its members seemed unbreakable.
And of course that couldn’t last for long. The first thing Ash noticed was the sudden change in Haiper’s behaviour. The arctic fox became distant, the bright smile slowly faded with time, as he began retreating into the background. Haiper stopped reaching out to him. He spent days away from the Regime - Ash could only suspect with whom. After some time he realised that Haiper didn’t trust him anymore. Gone were the questions asked to learn, gone were the sincere smiles. It hurt more than he expected. Ash got used to casual talks between them, the peaceful atmosphere. Now the Regime seemed to have lost a part of itself.
Tubbo was gone more often than he was present. The long expeditions took weeks of his time, where he would cut all contact and only occasionally send Ash a short report of his adventures, not expecting a replay. Even when Tubbo spent time on the Regime’s territory, he would be too busy, working on the new machines, to acknowledge the on-going issues with Haiper or the steadily deteriorating status of their organisation.
And then the worst came. During one of his casual meetings with Ewron, the Federation decided to intervene with the situation on the island. The pale beings - the Federation’s employees - took Haiper. Ash of course tried to help - he was the leader - the person responsible for the ones under him - the ones that trusted him with the command. With a pleasant surprise Ash noticed that even after abruptly interrupting his conversation with the panda, Ewron with no hesitation followed in his footsteps - just a few meters behind - ready to help whatever fate had in store for them.
And the fate was cruel and unfair. Everything that had happened had been no one's fault - just a idiotic incident - an unexpected turn of events. There was no one to point fingers at - no one except for the Federation. Ash wished he could feel hatred towards Ewron - a man that killed his daughter with a blade that he dedicated to his name - but that would be a lie - an excuse to his own mind. No matter how hard Ash tried to convince himself that the panda was the one to blame, that it would be easier to close off his heart and never see him again - it was not the truth. The truth has been simple - there was no one to put the blame on - no one but himself. It was his daughter - it was his responsibility to keep her safe - and it was his failure.
Yet in the end it didn’t matter whose fault it was. Ewron took it upon himself to bring her back, to once again reunite them in this world. It happened on a normal day. The sky shone brightly and the work was in full swing. Ash was in the middle of a simple conversation with Tubbo, when the fluffy, white clouds turned dark - completely separating sun from the ground. The blissful atmosphere was gone, as the pleasant warmth suddenly got replaced by a blood-chilling cold. Ash looked over the horizon - trying to notice the reason for the unexpected change - when he felt the first droplets of water dripping onto his face from the sky. His breath wavered, sharply departing his lungs and leaving them empty; his already unsteady hands gripped, with strength he didn’t know he possessed, onto the purple cape, leaving it full of creases. The rain was never a good sign. It was an indication of something terrible to come, a disaster ready to hit at any moment. He spent hours waiting for anything - a sign or a message from anyone. At some point Ash started to lose hope.
A few hours later he finally learnt what was the reason for the terrifying weather event. Of course the irresponsible, loud panda would try to revive his daughter. Of course the same lovable panda would actually succeed. Ghostie was back in the living realm, she was back, yet refused to stay with them. She was finally free from a small boat, where Ash locked her - she was able to do everything she ever wanted. And the small ghost decided that she didn’t want to come home. Ash wasn’t sure how to feel about it. Deep inside he yearned and hoped to see her again, to be able to hug her small body and beg for forgiveness; yet at the same time he knew that giving her space and the ability to experience freedom was the right thing to do. It didn’t make it hurt any less.
The one person who was with him through and through was Ewron - even with small gestures, the words exchanged through whispers, his sole presence made everything feel simpler. The breathing came easier and the time seemed to slow down, when the panda was around. Ash couldn’t remember the last time he laughed so hard. Before he could realise, Ash began waking up every morning expecting to see a familiar beaming face next to his. He hoped to see the other man behind every corner, he wanted him to be the one teleporting to the Regime’s waypoint. The realisation of what was happening terrified him. Every time he let himself care - let himself love - something horrible happened to the ones dear to his heart. His first daughter was dead, Ghostie also met her demise, it was just a matter of time before Ewron would be gone too.
Sadly it came faster than even Ash could expect. He was well aware that their time was limited, but with the smoothing atmosphere that the panda carried, it was so easy to ignore and forget about it entirely. That was why Ash was so taken aback when his trusted Blade invited him to the Real Poland and confessed what had happened the other day. How his days were numbered, how he was slowly dying. At that time Ash froze, he could barely speak when Ewron showed him the place where the panda woke up after passing out in the Camp Fatal. He could barely speak, as he begged for it to not be true, that there would be another chance, another choice. On that day Ash cried for the first time since coming to the island. The hot tears kept streaming down his face and onto the pillow, as he laid motionlessly in his bed - keeping quiet to not alarm other Regime members. Suddenly everything felt hopeless and impossible.
***
Ewron never felt better. He had always loved the adrenaline filling out his body as he balanced on the edge. Working with Feds and then breaking into their secret base with Faris; helping out Multi with his studies but at the same time spilling everything to Ash; being the culprit of accidental murder and then making the family of the victim apologise - trust no one and be trusted by no one - of course with the exception of Nexe. Nexe would always hold a special place in his heart - the other Poles not so much.
He became much closer friends with the Supreme Leader of the Regime than with his own roommates. Maybe that’s why at night he would sleep at Real Poland or Żabka, maybe that’s why he didn’t feel safe in his own house. It didn’t matter though. The only thing that mattered was him. His business was booming; his rivalry with Katie was entertaining, his casual relationships pleasant. It didn’t matter that the uranium chestplate definitely worsened his health, it didn’t matter that without an altar “Ghostie” would kill him. What would happen in the future was a problem for the future Ewron, not this one. This one would make sure that all of his plans would work out.
Nexe’s absence was displeasing. The panda hoped to interact with him more, but apparently fate had different plans. In the end Ash had become a person Ewron seeked out in the moment of need. Not one of his fellow polish folks, not his bestie turned rival turned bestie, not one of the kind people from the North. It was the cold, heartless Supreme Leader - a man with the reputation that seemed to precede him, with nerves of steel and a plan to destroy the world, that stole a place in his heart. The exact person Ewron would want on his side, the exact person Ewron got on his side with just a few words and a stolen moss block. The person who turned out to be something more, but something different. He was an overprotective father and a softy for people in the Regime, he cared so deeply it started to hurt him and Ewron wouldn’t let that happen.
With a few sharp words he hoped to turn back the Leader’s attention back to the destruction of the world. For him to realise he had sacrificed too much for people who didn’t need help nor cared about him in the slightest. It didn’t work as much as Ewron would hope and having just a handful of days to build an altar the panda began feeling anxious. He shouldn’t be, but the words spinning inside his head didn’t let him rest:
“I don’t want you to die.”
Every time he closed his eyes, Ewron could hear the pleading voice of a stranger-turned-close-friend in his mind. The desperate ensuring that everything would be alright, that Ash would help him with everything, that the end was not near, that it was just the beginning of their relationship.
The truth was, Ewron didn’t care much about his life. The life provided to him was just a fun rollercoaster ride, he just wanted to enjoy the process. The panda wanted to feel the adrenaline, to feel the terror and relief that came with endangering his life. Most people around him didn’t care - why would they? He was a cockroach - he was the loud annoying background noise - he would survive, he had to. That’s why Ash’s sudden care came as a surprise. He was the first person to ask the panda how he was feeling; the first person to show interest in his well-being. It shouldn’t surprise him as much as it did. The closeness with Ash was new - it was scary and unexpected, but at the same time so heart-warming and healing. Deep inside Ewron yearned to spend more time with his Assassin. To just hang out and talk, be able to just be friends - or maybe something more. He didn’t entertain this idea for too long though. Ash was too good for him. A person like Ash deserved someone who would prioritise him, to put him on a pedestal - to proudly show him off to the public. Ewron was not that person.
***
“Tomorrow’s the last day,” Ash sat on the grass and looked over the horizon. The sky was slowly becoming purple - it used to be his favourite color - but now the orange seemed to take its place. The ground under him was warm and the long blades of grass gently grazed his hands.
“We still have time to finish the altar. It can’t be that hard, right?” The casual tone of his friend threw Ash off the track. He felt at the loss of words. It could be the last time they spoke to each other and Ewron still couldn’t take anything seriously. “It’s not like anyone would notice, if I was gone. I’m just a random assassin, you know?”
“I would notice. Promise me you’re not gonna die,” he didn’t know why he said that. Maybe it was a simple need to hear that the panda was not giving up, that he would at least try, “promise me, please.”
Ewron looked at him and smiled. It wasn’t the smile Ash got used to - the one that radiated warmth, the one that turned the worst day best, the one that Ash dreamed about at night. It was the practiced grin - the one Ash saw on the first day when they met - wide, but not reaching his eyes. The one that indicated that the person in front of you was lying.
“I promise.”
These words weren't sincere; they were hollow, dead and drenched in mockery. As if Ewron already knew something Ash didn’t. He decided to ignore it anyway - a little bit of delusion never killed anyone, right? They still had time, they would be able to build the altar in time, they would be okay. Any other option was out of the question.
“I love you,” the panda added quietly. It was so faint and sorrowful that at first Ash didn’t register what was being said. He had never heard this tone before. At least not coming from Ewron. The hybrid was always full of life, ready for the next adventure - he was not this quiet unsure person standing in front of Ash. It all felt wrong. With a growing lump in his throat, Ash was able to answer:
“Live to the day after tomorrow. Then I will give you the answer.”