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The boy was staring at the still ticking clock.
Even as the clock's hands moved, the world around him didn’t change, not really… He doesn’t know how long he has been sitting here. It feels like an eternity.
All this waiting… for what? Someone to show up…? Well— His parents did say they’d be here soon! And that they would try to bring Saki too…! So what is he upset about?! He can wait a little more. He can… sit there, for a while longer, waiting.
Waiting and waiting.
But the sun didn’t wait for him anymore. It began to set, painting the world in an orange hue. The sky that was colored blue, changed in a short while to an orange color instead.
…
Tsukasa wiped away the tears forming in his eyes. He shouldn’t— He can’t act like this!!! What is he? Ungrateful? His parents said they’d be back today! To be with him, for his…
…What was the occasion again? …Oh, right. The day of his birth. His, birthday… Something that happens only once a year!
Birthdays… An exciting event! A day for being celebrated for just being born, it sounds too good to be true. Gifts, presents, fancy food and friends are all there… Just for you. Just, there for you. No ulterior motive. People being there for you because they want to and they care.
He remembers hearing other kids talk about their birthdays! Everyone in the class being invited— Well, for some reason he only sometimes got an invite… They must’ve simply forgotten to hand him one, though! But everyone being invited, showing up to their classmate’s birthday, then celebrating together… It sounded so— So fun!
He once asked his parents to let him do this too, but they told him he can’t. That apparently, these parties weren’t actually that fun… That they took a lot of time, that they just didn’t have available, especially with Saki’s birthday coming up too…
Tsukasa understood though!
He’d forget all about some stupid birthday party if it meant Saki could be happier! After all, she’s stuck in the hospital all day. She deserves the best birthday ever! Every birthday will be just as good!!! She deserves, the best…
Still, a part of him didn’t feel happy… Like there was something odd. Like— It’s like he still wanted that stupid party. But he couldn’t, right…? I mean, Saki’s more important! And he’ll be fine without a party, right?!
…
He still feels something deep inside though, something he wishes wasn’t there in the first place. It’s selfish of him to wish for so much. He can’t be selfish… It’s a bad thing!
H-He can’t be selfish…
He’s supposed to be a good older brother, not some… envious one! He can’t prioritize himself over Saki. Only a bad older brother would prioritise their needs over their sick siblings…
And yet, the tears were flowing down his face without showing any signs of stopping. The boy still cried to himself, wailing and whining and wailing some more… Like the child he is. Because that’s what he’ll always be.
A child.
He stared at the table he was sitting at. Nothing on it, no birthday cakes his friends mentioned, no gifts, no birthday cards, no nothing… It was just him and himself. There was nobody else there but him. The sun hasn’t stopped setting. The day will end, and he’ll be here, alone.
In the end, his birthday wasn’t special, no. It was just another day… Another day, being alone. Another day of wishing on the stars in the sky hoping for a miracle, for a change.
They were the only thing that brought him comfort anymore. The stars, and the piano. The stars that made him feel a little less lonely in this universe, and that maybe, there was a place for him too! That all those stars were looking back at him, just waiting for him to shine. As for the piano… It filled in the silence. The ever so horrible silence he has grown to hate. The silence that hurts him, rather than being comforting. He doesn’t get why the teachers at school want silence. Silence hurts…
He stood up from his seat at the table, and walked to the living room, sitting himself down on the sofa. He grabbed one of the plushies he left laying around, and hugged it.
The child clung onto that plushie, almost as if it was the only thing keeping him together… It was sad, really. Just a boy, with his plushie, and the ever so empty house. A house that is haunted by silence. Despite how loud the boy tries to be, it doesn’t help. The house is too big for someone like him.
The boy's eyes began slowly closing, far too heavy for him to hold open. He must’ve used up all his energy on crying… How sad, really. He missed eating dinner.
His chest rose up and down, at a much steadier rhythm than before, when he was still crying. Instead of crying, being stuck in a state of distress, the boy was… sleeping. He was resting, for once. Too tired by everything. He shouldered the weight of something too heavy for someone his age. It was pitiful, really.
…
A hologram stood in front of the couch, staring down at the sleeping boy. The hologram looked like a girl… A girl with blueish greenish hair, put up in pigtails. Cat eats protruding through her hair. She had a red dress on, that looked as if it belonged to some sort of circus performer…
Next to her, stood an older man. Just like her, he didn’t look solid, like a regular human. He looked like yet another hologram. His hair was a dark shade of blue, and so were his eyes. His clothes were just as strange as his companions, looking as if he was a showman of sorts.
He had a sympathetic expression on his face, as he stared down at the child. His companion next to him looked saddened. Her ears laid flat on her head.
“We should’ve came here earlier…! Maybe then, he could’ve spotted us, and— We could’ve spent the day together with him! He wouldn’t had to—” The girl stopped speaking, just to wipe away the tears forming at her eyes. “I just wish we could’ve spent the day with him…”
“I know, Miku.” He patted his companion— Miku— Ruffling her hair slightly. “I wish we didn’t get caught up with calming down all the plushies…”
Miku sat down on the floor next to the boy, and put her hand over his. It was useless, of course, since she was still just a hologram… But the thought counts.
Her ears still were laid flat against her head, showing how she was still upset. She thought seeing him could’ve made her happier, but instead, all she feels is pity…
Tsukasa-kun deserves the best…!
Not this…
The older man sat down on the couch instead, next to the boy. Just like his companion, he placed his hand on the boy's head. Nothing changed though. He was still a hologram… He couldn’t really touch him.
Still, he couldn’t bear to just sit idly, watching the boy stay ever so alone on the couch. If only he spotted them… He would’ve loved to take Tsukasa to the Sekai.
Showing him the world he created… A beautiful world, filled with colors, joy, music, plushies and— Truly, a wonderland. A place that could make anyone feel at home. No matter how different you may be, wonderland has a place for you, and will welcome you with open arms. He created such a beautiful place, yet he still hasn’t gotten to see it yet…
His heart was so pure, so beautiful, so full of love. He was so kind, so sweet, that KAITO only wishes the best for his boy. He deserves to be loved by the world.
“Tsukasa… One day, you’ll see just how wonderful you are. One day, you’ll have other people by your side, to see you shine… They’ll celebrate this day together with you. You won’t have to be alone.”
The boy smiled in his sleep, as he felt a warm hand brushing his hair away from his face.
He is in middle school now. Yet nothing feels different…
Right, it’s his birthday, again.
He feels older, yet, that didn’t change anything. He’s still as alone as ever. His parents are still busy with work, or Saki… His poor sister has only gotten worse… Maybe he should go visit her, actually. So she’ll feel better.
Or not… She wasn’t doing too great last time, so sick she could barely handle being awake. He doesn’t want to bother her while she’s trying to recover, or get through whatever flare-up happened.
Instead of sitting down at the dinner table, he sat down in front of the piano. Unlike some of the other surfaces in the house, the piano was free of dust. He used it too often. He made sure to clean it, so it’d remain tidy. He couldn’t be using a dirty instrument.
As he placed his fingers onto the keys, he felt the weight on his shoulders being lifted. He slowly pushed down, and a sound came out, one he grew accustomed to.
Playing the piano became as easy as breathing for him.
Maybe it was even easier than that… The piano was the only thing that was keeping him together. It was the only thing, that filled in the silence of this big home. A home that felt too large for just him.
He tried to keep the tv turned on, to hum to himself, to leave the windows open and just to— He tried everything, to fill in the silence, but nothing worked.
The piano was his only option.
It was still quiet, but it distracted him. He was too focused on what key to press, on reading the sheet, on making sure he wasn’t too early or late… It gave him something to focus on. The music filled his ears, reminding him that he still was connected to this world.
It’s been a while, since he felt like he wasn’t alone.
He made friends at school. But there was something off about them… Somehow, they’d always focus on each other more than him. He felt like an extra. Like some actor there on the sidelines, ready to step in, if an actor is busy or unable to play their role. He never really got his own role… He was just, there. He still doesn’t feel like he really belongs.
Weird. He thought he would’ve changed, and that people would finally want to hang out with him, but no. Nothing was different. Everything was the same, but just in a different form. He was still alone, even though he had friends.
Just when will this change…? He tried to change, to become better, to become what’s seen as more socially acceptable, and that still isn’t enough? What does he have to do to get a real role?
What does he have to do to be loved?
The sound the piano let out wasn’t right. He pushed the wrong key. He messed up the piece he played countless times. He couldn’t even do this right…
He put his elbows on the piano instead, and placed his head in his hands. He laughed. He laughed at his own stupidity, at his loneliness, at his selfishness, at his inability to change, to get better. He laughed at what a fool he turned out to be.
He couldn’t even cry, not anymore. Crying won’t get him anywhere. Even when he cried as a child, no one showed up. Crying never fixed any of his issues, and he knows that.
…Still, he wishes he could pour out his emotions. To finally let go. To finally open that bottle he shut, and let it all out.
He stared at the music sheet in front of him, colored orange by the— Oh. The sun is setting already…? It feels like he just got home an hour ago. There’s no way time passed by that fast, right? …Well, actually, his perception of time these days wasn’t too great anyways—
His train of thought was interrupted by a knock at the door. It wasn’t anything aggressive, just a few gentle knocks against the front door…
Tsukasa stood up from the piano, and walked up to the door. He doesn’t remember ordering anything… Who could it be? Maybe some neighbor's kid who somehow sent a ball flying into their yard? Actually, that was very unlikely—
There was knocking again.
He fumbled a bit with the lock, struggling to unlock the door. For some reason, his hand was shaking a bit… weird. He doesn’t know why.
He turned the door handle, and opened the door. In front of him, stood—
“...Toya?” Tsukasa asked, dumbfounded.
The younger boy looked a bit nervous, carrying a bag with something. He was slightly fidgeting with the hems of his shirt. He looked… taller, since Tsukasa last saw him. Despite that, he was still the same Toya he grew up knowing.
He brightened up at the mention of his name. “...Senpai!!! I’m sorry for bothering you so late, but—”
“—NONSENSE! You could never bother me, Toya! What brings you here?”
Toya was slightly red, seemingly embarrassed. “You see— I… Senpai, I apologize.”
“...Eh?”
“I was going to come by sooner, but father wouldn’t let me go til I played him a piece, perfectly. Still, I managed to get it down!” He cheerfully exclaimed. Tsukasa looked upset at the mention of his father. “I wasn’t sure what to get you, so I apologize if my gift isn’t great…”
Tsukasa tilted his head in confusion. “Gift…?”
“...It’s your birthday, is it not? 17th of May? …Did my phone show me the wrong date—”
“—No, you’re correct… I just— Toya, you didn’t have to!” Tsukasa exclaimed, bashful. He really didn’t deserve a gift… And Toya using up his free time to go and visit him?
Toya frowned. “But I wanted to!”
“You really—”
“Senpai, please.” Toya set down the bag, and stepped closer to Tsukasa. He took his hands in his. “You’ve done so much for me… I just want to celebrate your birthday with you, and give you something. Today marks the day one of the greatest people was born. Today is your birthday, Senpai. You have done so much for me, that getting you a gift is the least I could do. You deserve more than a gift, Senpai, you deserve more. You have shown me what real freedom is. Senpai, you are amazing, and your presence alone could cheer anyone up—”
“Toya—”
“—And your smile? It’s enough to bring joy to those who feel lost. You alone are able to—”
“Toya—”
“—Shine brightly enough, that in a room full of people, you—”
“TOYA!!!!”
…
The boys stood there in silence for a while, until Toya spoke up again. “...I still stand by what I said. Senpai, you mean a lot to me. So please, fulfil my selfish request, and take this gift I have prepared for you.”
Tsukasa was trying so very hard not to cry. His dear Toya… so kind. Taking time out of his day to come and visit him, and even get him something! Despite everything he has endured, he still walks forward, stronger than ever. Despite what life has thrown at him… he prevails.
Toya is the one he should look up to, not the other way around.
He slipped his hands out of Toya's hold, and grabbed the bag. He stepped back into the doorway, still keeping the door open though…
“If you have time… You can stay, if you wish!”
…To say Toya cheered up would be an understatement. In fact, there was a slight smile on his stoic face. He struggles showing emotions sometimes, but right now…? That’s a whole other case.
“Can I really?” He asked, almost as if he couldn’t believe his ears.
Tsukasa laughed. “Yes, you can. You’re always welcome here, Toya. Always.” And with that, he stepped in too.
The lonely house didn’t feel so lonely anymore.
“—Saki…! Be careful. You’ll drop the cake like that!” Shiho scolded Saki, who was currently holding the cake.
Everyone was gathered around the dining table, talking, bickering and just existing all within the same bubble… It was quite loud, with everyone there. People's voices blended together a bit. He could only catch bits and pieces of their conversations.
Saki maneuvered the cake from the kitchen to the dinner table, her tongue sticking out as she was stuck concentrating.
She was too stubborn… She insisted on bringing the cake over on her own, and that she didn’t need any help. ‘I got this handled!’ She said. Thankfully, she really did. She placed down the cake on the table, and smugly glanced over at Shiho, almost as if she was boasting about how she did it all on her own… For some reason, Ichika thought this was the best time to make some horrible cake pun. Shiho groaned.
Honami, who was next to Shiho, laughed. Honestly, it was never a dull day with her friends… And it was never a dull day in the Tenma household either. Especially with so many people.
Toya sat a few seats away from Tsukasa, next to Akito. He was quietly clinging onto him, still staring at Tsukasa… Almost as if he was entranced. Akito just had his arm wrapped around him with a smile on his face.
Kohane was proudly showing off her camera to Shizuku, talking about all the different functions. It seems like she’s trying to teach her how to use it but uh— …It seems it’s useless. Minori, next to Kohane, seems a bit nervous.
An was bickering with Akito from across the table, probably over something not that important… Still, it seems like she took joy in bothering him sometimes. Next to her, Mizuki was laughing, holding up her phone, snapping pictures of Akito's face. She showed the pictures she took to Nene. Every so often he’d see An turning her head to look at Kohane, with a sweet expression on her face…
Emu was practically circling the table, getting involved in every discussion there is. Somehow, she didn’t seem to be struggling with that at all! She was just… Having a blast, smiling.
It was loud, it was lively, it was…
Saki pushed the cake a bit closer to Tsukasa, and cleared her throat. “AHEM…” Silence fell upon the room. “I think we all know why we’re all gathered here today!”
Mizuki smirked, and leaned into her chair. “Oh, really?”
He could hear some footsteps coming up from behind him. Footsteps that sounded… familiar. “Are you sure, Saki-kun…?” Rui asked. “I think we need a little reminder, don’t we?~” With that, he could feel someone settling behind him, slightly leaning onto his chair.
“Well— We’re all gathered here today, to—”
“—To figure out what the best artist of all time is?”
“—To finally find out if Rui’s cyan hair streak was dyed all along?”
“—To learn as to why—”
“AHEM—” Saki tried to speak again, but was interrupted, once more.
Emu held her hand up high, as if she was asking to be chosen to answer. Of course, she didn’t wait for permission. She just spoke. “AREN’T WE ALL HERE TO CELEBRATE TSUKASA-KUN’S BIRTHDAY?!”
Rui faked a gasp behind him. “Really…? I had no clue—”
An rolled her eyes from across the table. “Oh, shut up. As if you weren’t the one that was so excited, anyone would’ve assumed it was your birthday instead!”
“Well—”
“Senpai… I am honored to be sitting at the same table as you. Getting to be here, together with our friends, getting to watch you celebrate this ocassion… I am honored, Senpai.” Toya said. An was covering her mouth, trying hard not to laugh. Akito next to him sighed, almost as if he was tired of hearing this all day. Nene looked as if she wasn’t sure how to react.
“Tsukasa-san, congratulations on your birthday, and thank you for your support for our band!” Honami took the chance to speak up, still looking a bit timid… There were a lot of people she didn’t know that well.
“Tsukasa-kun~ I’m so glad our schedules managed to align this time…!” Shizuku exclaimed, looking very happy. “With all the idol work, we just haven’t had much time— But that doesn’t matter! We’re glad we get to be here with you for this occasion!"
“...MHM!” Minori next to her nodded, a bit shy.
Saki looked around the room. “...Who has the candles?"
“...What do you mean who has the candles?”
“I can’t—”
Thankfully, Nene took something out of her pocket. Two candles, representing the age he was turning. “I got them…”
Emu grabbed them, and stuck them onto the cake— Well, not without Saki’s help. Everyone else at the table was also helping, telling them where to put them and— Wow… It’s odd just how many people are trying to help with such a task… He never had these many people worry about such a simple thing, for him.
Once they were done, Rui moved from his position behind his chair. He took out a lighter, and lit up the candles. After he was done, he returned to his previous place… Not before placing a hand on Tsukasa's shoulder.
“MAKE A WISH, MAKE A WISH, MAKE A—”
“Make a wish, Senpai…!”
“Make a wish.”
“Make a wish, make a wish, make a—”
Countless versions of the same few words flooded his ears. Make a wish, huh…?
He stared down at the cake. It was… a relatively big one. Quite a big one, actually. He isn’t sure if Emu bought it for him, or if some of his friends secretly spent their time making it. It was multiple layers tall, but not too tall. With every layer, there was something important to him. A miniature stage of sorts, the keys of a piano, the night sky… So many details— And so, so many stars…
For someone to know him well enough to know all of this about him… To— To create something so close to his heart… He really didn’t deserve this all.
He could feel someone's breath against his nape. They spoke in a quiet tone, almost as if this was a private discussion. “Make a wish, my star…” Rui told him.
…I want to keep being with my friends. I want to keep chasing my dreams, together with them, with you, with— With those who I care about. I want everyone to reach their goal. I want to see smiles on their face, for the rest of time. I want them all to always be happy… I want—
…
I want everyone to smile.
I don’t want to be alone anymore either.
Tsukasa blew the candles out, and everyone cheered. The second he blew the candles out, Kohane took a photo, with a smile on her face. Next to her both Shizuku and Minori were trying to peer at the image taken.
An and Mizuki were clapping, way too loudly, cheering and all of that… Nene was clapping too, smiling.
He noticed Toya, who was smiling way too hard… Next to him, he noticed Akito nudging him, telling him to do something… He couldn’t quite catch up on it. It was a little loud. Toya stood up from his seat, and began walking around the table.
His sister's friends were all congratulating him. He saw Ichika say something though, that made Shiho groan, again. Honami was quietly laughing to herself.
He saw Saki and Toya both heading his way. He could barely process Saki straight up crashing into him, wrapping her arms around him. Toya, who finally reached them, looked a little anxious. Still, Saki took notice and signaled for him to join the hug. He wrapped his arms around his siblings too.
“HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ONII-CHAN!!!” Saki practically yelled. Thankfully, her head was shoved into her shoulder so her voice was muffled a bit.
“Senpai…! Happy birthday!” Toya exclaimed, incredibly happy. He looked quite overjoyed…
Both Saki and Toya pulled away after a while, and just when Tsukasa thought he was safe— Some came running at him, leaping into his arms! Both Saki and Toya seemed shocked too.
“TSUKASA-KUNNNNN!!!” Emu very loudly yelled. “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!” She was practically squeezing him alive. Her grip was very tight, scaring him a bit… No way she could actually suffocate him like this, right? Then again, it was a very tight hug and—
“—Emu-kun, I think you need to let go. Just look at our poor dear star's face! Tsukasa-kun, we ought to get you to try out some more tolerance training.”
“You WHAT?!” Tsukasa panicked at that. Just what the hell was Rui planning?!
Emu finally let go of Tsukasa, with a pout… Which immediately changed to her giggling at his expression. He still looked quite concerned by what Rui said.
Rui chuckled, and leaned in close to Tsukasa. He then pecked him on the cheek. Tsukasa could feel just how bright red his face probably is right now.
“Happy birthday, my star.”
Tsukasa could barely manage to get out a thank you stumbling over his words…
…
He smiled to himself, looking at everyone there. So many people… All for him. He wasn’t alone, not anymore. This wasn’t even everyone he knew…!
For once, this home didn’t feel too big.
For once, there wasn’t silence.
For once, he wasn’t alone.
For once, he was home.
