Chapter Text
“OW! What the glub, Serket!”
“Well, sorry that you still don’t know how to stick a landing!”
“Don’t throw me over walls, and there won’t be no fuckin problem!”
“It’s always my fault, isn’t it? Ever thought that maybe YOU JUST SUCK?”
“You anglin to start somefin?”
“Shut up! I think I heard someone.”
Meenah and Vriska crouched behind a row of dense shrubs, both pausing to listen for footsteps. Though even in the dead of night the courtyard of the Alternian castle was heavily guarded, its patrol was lazy and incompetent. The area had narrow stone paths winding through it, and in the distance there was the faint tapping of someone strolling peacefully. The perimeter was surrounded by high walls, over which the thieves had scaled to gain entry. The only door in the wall was padlocked from inside.
“...Let’s be reel, we do kinda suck.”
“Speak for yourself! If you weren’t here, I’d already have the treasure and be half-way to the Wasteland.”
Meenah snorted in response and, without waiting for her partner, slinked along the length of the bushes in order to get a clear view of the castle walls. She peered around the edge, looking for any obstacles between their current location and the entrance into the castle. Seeing none, she advanced, moving swiftly between trees and fountains, keeping in the grass so that her footsteps were muffled. Vriska followed suit, and together they wordlessly slipped through the door.
The hallways were deserted. The castle, built for war and efficiency, had no windows and was lit by a few widely-spaced torches. Murky shadows danced on the walls, allowing the thieves to move nearly uninhibited through the corridors.
“Got the map?” Meenah whispered.
Vriska answered by flipping open a small, rather crude drawing of the castle floor plan. “We need to take these stairs down to the dungeon area, and we’ll hang a right into the second chamber.”
“Aight.”
The stairs spiraled downward, narrow and dark. The underground corridor was much dimmer than even those above, and the dull sounds of water drops were joined only by the eerie moans of prisoners echoing distantly through hall. The thieves proceeded quickly and silently, reaching their destination in a matter of minutes.
The door creaked as it opened, and the room inside was much better illuminated than the hall from which they entered. Both trolls inhaled sharply when their eyes fell on the contents within.
“YEAH BOUY!!”
Before Vriska could say anything, Meenah was diving into a large pile of gold and jewelry. Without further ado, she began captchaloguing as much treasure as her sylladex would accommodate, cackling heartily. Vriska sighed, choosing instead to stay at the door and scan the room. She was looking for something much more important.
Or she was, until Meenah lobbed a silver bowl at the side of her head.
“OW!!!!!!!! What the fuck, Peixes!?”
“Water you carpin around for? I can’t carry all this loot myself!”
“Unlike you, I don’t waste my time with chump change! I’ve got real treasure to hunt for, not this gaudy wiggler crap.”
“Fine. More for me.”
Scowling at her partner, Vriska slunk around the hordes of gold toward the back of the room. She knew what she was looking for, and she had a guess as to where it would be. Before long, she came to a small cranny, devoid of stray coins or errant gemstones. There was only a display, about waist height, within which rested a single ring.
Vriska smirked as she carefully lifted the lid. From her pocket she pulled out a handkerchief, which she used to gently grasp and lift her treasure. Just as carefully, she wrapped it and captchalogued the bundle.
“Alright! I’m done!” she announced as she strided back towards the door. “Hurry up and stop playing around in that junk.”
“What? Seriously? Did you even grab anyfin?”
“Like I said, I don’t bother with amateur shit! I got what I came for.”
Meenah grumbled as she topped off her already impressive steal, her sylladex barely allowing the amount it held. Satisfied, she walked toward her partner, who slipped out the door. The door creaked shut, and quietly as they came, they moved back through the hallway and up the stairs.
Back on ground level, they glided through the hallway, winding around suits of armor and side tables, Vriska leading the way. Suddenly, she halted, causing Meenah to bump into her and curse quietly under her breath.
“Shut up!” Vriska hissed. She pushed herself against the wall next to an armor display, peering around it. Ahead, a door was slightly ajar, firelight streaming out of it into the dim corridor. The sounds of casual conversation could be heard from within.
“I don’t know if I’m cut out to be a page...I think that there was probably some mistake, maybe...”
“You can’t be so hard on yourself! Besides, you say that every time we talk.”
“I know, but that’s because it is probably a thing that is true. Sir Karkat pretty much hates me.”
“Karkat hates everyone.”
“Yes, that is also true, but he especially hates me.”
“Oh. I didn’t think those sorts of feelings were acceptable for a knight to have about his page--”
“Oh, uh, no, not romantic hate, just platonic, kind of disgusted hate...”
“Oh my cod, that guy sounds like a tool,” Meenah whispered from behind Vriska. “Hey, Serket, how much do you think I could hook if I prawned that armor?”
“Are you even capable of shutting up for more than five minutes?” Vriska snapped. “We’ve got to get by without them noticing.”
“Just mind-fuck ‘em.”
“No! It’s hard enough to avoid getting tracked down as it is. It’d be pretty fucking easy to find a thief who’s also psychic! Even these idiots could tell if someone was poking around their brain.”
“Lame.”
“Shut it! It sounds like they’re near the door, so we’re going to have to--”
CLANG.
Both the thieves froze as the gauntlet Meenah was examining fell from the armor onto the stone floor. The metallic sound rung on for a few seconds, and inside the room, the chatting ceased. For a moment, nothing moved.
The female voice from inside laughed nervously. “That was probably just another stray cat that got into the castle,” she said. The sound grew louder as she approached the hall.
Vriska drew the Fluorite Octet from her strife specibus.
“I think Equius lets the cats in, but I can’t figure out why--” As Aradia stepped through the doorframe and into the hall, Vriska threw her dice. Aradia’s eyes widened when she noticed the crouching thieves, but before she could make a sound, the dice landed.
There was an explosion that rocked the foundation of the castle and a single, clipped scream. The thieves bolted as soon as the dice chose its method of execution, and Vriska scooped up the octet as she passed by the bloody result of the roll. Around them, a few of the stones continued to cave into the hallway, kicking up dust. Shouts broke out as people awoke and sprung to action, and the thieves could hear the other occupant of the room chasing after them.
They reached the courtyard at a full sprint with the sound of heavy footfalls right behind them. Vriska looked ahead and was hit with a sudden surge of adrenaline and fear.
“Shit, how are we going to scale the wall?!”
Meenah, as if in response, jumped to grab the branch of a tree, using her momentum to swing forward. She released, propelling herself toward to the top of the wall and barely managing to grasp the edge. As Vriska watched, she scuttled upward to sit on the precipice.
Cursing under her breath, Vriska swerved to avoid impact with the wall and sprinted along its perimeter. She heard Meenah shout something before dropping down the other side, and in her peripheral vision she saw a number of guards closing in on her position.
Then she noticed the single padlocked door to the outside.
Thinking quickly, she changed her trajectory and reached back to pull a concealed knife out of her belt. She could hear her pursuer gaining ground behind her, and she calculated he would catch her about the time she made it to the exit. Smirking, she made the last few strides, then abruptly turned completely around, leaning slightly to the right.
As she had planned, the boy behind her crashed into her left shoulder. Grabbing him firmly with her mechanical arm, she jerked him around, pinning his back against her chest and holding her knife up to his throat. He was smaller and lighter than she expected, making the series of movements more forceful than she planned and almost causing her to impale herself on his formidable horns. The rest of her assailants came to a halt a few yards away as she pressed the blade into his skin, drawing a small line of blood.
The group eyed her warily, and a murmur passed among them.
“Don’t move or he dies!” Vriska said. Recalling that he had mentioned his role as a page, she began feeling around his chest and waist for the keys she knew he must possess.
The entourage in front of her continued to shuffle uncertainly, looking between them to decide whether or not to approach. Her fingers finally found a key ring, and she jerked it off of his belt. The troll she had taken hostage was breathing with sharp inhales, body rigid with anxiety and indecisiveness.
More people were approaching the crowd, and Vriska noticed with alarm that some of them were knights. She began backing toward the door, holding the boy even tighter and forcing him to step backward with her. The key ring was held in the hand that kept him from running, jangling loudly as they moved.
“Which key is it?” she whispered in his ear.
“Wh...what?”
“Which fucking key!”
“I don’t--”
“Answer or I swear I will slit your throat right now. I killed your friend. I’ll kill you.”
He swallowed hard but didn’t answer. Vriska narrowed her eyes and reached out with her mind. As luck would have it, his mind was easily breached and manipulated.
She knew exactly which key it was.
Holding him in place with her mind and the knife at his throat, she spun enough to glance at the keys and shake out the correct one. Reaching behind her, she quickly jammed it at the door until it finally found its slot.
As she did, a voice rose above the murmurings. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU STUPID SACKS OF FERMENTING PISS GAPING AT?” Its owner marched towards the group, and they parted quickly, allowing him passage.
“Tavros, you useless fucking moron--”
But before he could come closer, Vriska wrenched open the door and pushed through, hostage in tow. They had barely made it through when Meenah, waiting in the shadows, slammed the door shut and jammed a long, thick stick against it in such a way that it couldn’t swing open. On the opposite side of the door, the shouting rose as knights tried to push it, only jamming the stick further in place.
“Who’s this dork?”
“Peixes, shut the fuck up and move!!!!!!!!”
Vriska pushed into Tavros’s mind, forcing him to sprint forward. Without another word, the thieves ran after him, slipping into the darkness of the night.