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Eddie closes the door softly after himself as Buck paces across the living room with the car keys still in hand. At this point in their relationship, Eddie knows not to interfere until Buck has disengaged from the endless spiral of doom in his head. The pacing could still go either way, so he removes his jacket calmly, toes off his shoes and quietly observes.
He should have known that accepting dinner with his parents without Christopher—or honestly, even Theo at this point—as a buffer would be a shit show, but he’d never been one to back away from a fight with his folks. Now, though, it seems he’d forgotten to take into consideration how his fight with his own parents would affect the reason the whole fight started in the first place.
“I think we need to face it, Eddie. They’re never coming around.”
Words, good. Panicked, doom-laced words, sure, but words nonetheless. Eddie can work with this.
“Yes, they are,” he smiles, walking to stop in front of Buck, who doesn’t even look at him, simply rounds him and continues his disordered pacing around the house. “Their bark is worse than their bite. Give it a month or two, it’ll be like nothing ever happened.”
“It won’t be like nothing happened, Eddie,” he barks, and Eddie regrets the words immediately. Buck absolutely despises the Diaz family way of handling conflict: fighting, accusing and threatening each other, silent treatment for a few months and then wiping the slate clean without a resolution. Come to think of it, Eddie isn’t a big fan either. “It was a complete fucking disaster!”
“Okay so maybe like six months,” Eddie risks a little joke, but it doesn’t register and Buck continues pacing.
“What if they never get over it? You said your sister came out and they didn’t talk to her for three years, and the only reason they did was because she was in a car accident!”
Eddie shrugs. “Okay, so we give it a year and I reverse into a hydrant.”
This finally makes Buck stop and turn to him, a harsh set to his jaw. God, he’s hot when he’s mad. “This isn’t a joke, Eddie,” he says seriously.
“Buck, they’re my parents,” Eddie steps forward, taking his boyfriend’s face in his hands—who doesn’t recoil, yay!—, chest tightening at the way Buck tries to turn his glossy eyes away. “Thank you for worrying and thank you for being you, but trust me, I can handle it.”
“I can’t be the reason your parents cut you off,” he whispers, pain so raw in his tone that Eddie’s jaw sets as his mom’s threats replay in his head.
And the words come easily, “fuck my parents.”
Buck blinks, stunned. “Eddie–”
“I mean it, Buck. It’s not you,” Buck’s mouth angles down for a second. “I mean, yeah, they did attack you, personally—but it’s me, I’m the problem for them. It’s always been me, since the day I was born. There’s always something I’m doing wrong; I’m a terrible son, I’m an irresponsible brother, I’m incapable of taking care of my child,” Eddie shrugs, letting the disappointment he feels in his parents show though for just a second, “it’s always like this. Except this time, their problem is they can’t handle having a fairy for a son. So fuck them.”
Buck places his hands on top of Eddie’s and removes them from his face. “It’s me they have a problem with right now. You heard them. And I can’t let you--”
“They’re assholes and they have a problem with everybody,” Eddie shrugs, taking a step back. “Who needs them, anyway? You’re low contact with your parents.”
That is not the right thing to say at that moment. Buck’s expression sours and he takes a full two steps back, his shoulders tensing, and his face scrunched slightly as he tries not to let show how much that fact hurts him.
Eddie should have shut his damn mouth.
“Yeah. And that was not my decision.” Eddie should never have agreed to the fucking dinner. “Eddie, please don’t tell me to rip your family apart. I... I can’t be a part of that.”
“You’re not doing anything, Buck. I’m standing up for myself,” Eddie tries to take a step forward, but Buck anticipates it and backs away again.
“They could try to get Christopher,” he extends his arm, holding his palm out to Eddie, begging for space… and Eddie has never been more confused in his life. Since when does Buck keep him away?
“They could very well fucking try,” he retorts, frustration leaking in his tone. “Are you going to let them?”
Buck lowers his arm and takes a shaky step forward, letting Eddie fully see his red-rimmed glossy eyes, a quiet resignation set in his features. “If I weren’t in the picture, that wouldn’t be a problem anymore.”
Eddie pauses, a chill running down his spine. Buck isn’t crying. He’s not taking deep breaths. If anything his breathing is… eerily regular… almost…
Oh, no. Red alert. Calm. No panic. Too many steps skipped. Oh, no.
With a knot in his throat, Eddie squints. “What is that supposed to mean?”
The pain in Buck’s eyes surrounded by his stern expression makes Eddie’s blood freeze in his veins. “I'm so sorry,” he breathes out, a tear finally falling and being quickly swatted away. “I love you too much to do this to you,” he sniffs, “I’m so sorry.”
It takes way too long for Eddie to realize his meaning.
“Are…” Buck looks down, like he can’t bear to look at Eddie anymore. “Are you... breaking up with me?”
“I can’t destroy your family,” he crosses his arms in front of his body and turns to lean against the dinner table. “I’m sorry.”
Eddie blinks, puzzled.
For a good moment the only thing going through his head is a loud buzzing which he can’t help but imagine comes from the WRONG ANSWER button he’s smashing in his head right now.
Then, many things come to his mind very quickly.
First, Eddie thinks that he forgot to buy lactose-free milk for Buck to make Theo’s brownies tomorrow. His grandparents had texted Buck earlier to tell them he finished all his veggies and even had seconds of the risotto they’d prepared. When Buck and Eddie had called to wish him good night, Eddie had promised that they’d have brownies the next day for their family movie night dessert. He’d made a mental note to swing by the store on the way back, but after the events of the dinner, that had felt insignificant. Right now, though, it feels like the most important thing in the universe.
Second, Eddie remembers where he’d put his remote for the garage Buck insisted they build when Eddie and Chris moved in. Like a flashback in a murder mystery show, Eddie recalls clear as day having it in his hand on monday when he’d passed Chris’ room and ducked in to take advantage of the fact he was busy playing some online game with his friends and give him an embarrassing dad kiss good night and was faced with no less than two bowls, three cups, two forks, a spoon and snack platter to card off to the kitchen… leaving the remote right next to Chris’ mouse. He resists the urge to walk there now and get it.
Eddie’s third thought is panic. A pure, bone chilling, life-ending dread that takes over his mind and body in a millisecond and is gone the next.
Because his fourth thought is simply No.
And in the end, what comes out of him is a huffed chuckle.
“Yeah, no,” he says.
That earns him a confused frown from Buck. “What?” his voice defaults back to normal.
“No, we're not doing that,” he answers simply.
Buck takes a second to react. “Yo-you mean... break up?”
“Yeah,” Eddie crosses his arms, maintaining the stance. “We're not doing that.”
Buck looks past Eddie, as if racking his brain trying to replay the exchange in his head. “I... I just did.”
“No,” Eddie walks past Buck and into the kitchen and opens the fridge. “You tried.” Like he suspected, no lactose-free milk. Damn. “It was a cute effort, but no.”
“I don't think it's something you have to agree to,” Buck follows him into the kitchen and stops at the door, watching with a frown as Eddie checks the upper cabinet by the door. “Eddie–”
“We need to get milk before picking up Theo tomorrow,” he ignores Buck’s ridiculous train of thought with a much more urgent one. “You don’t have it on your list, because we had two boxes but that was before Chris pulled an all-nighter studying for his AP Chem final and had the entire box of cinnamon toast—oh, by the way, we need cereal too.”
“Wh–”
“Write it down now, you’ll forget.”
About ten seconds late, brows scrunched, slowed movements and blinking excessively, Buck pulls his phone out and types out milk and cereal.
“Thank you, babe. You know how Theo gets when we promise him things, he has a better memory than both of us combined.”
“Eddie, stop.” Buck holds him by the arm, voice heavy with frustration. “Stop ignoring me, stop pretending nothing is going on–”
“Nothing is going on. I’m not entertaining this.”
“I'm serious.”
“Buck–”
“Eddie, I made the decision and it’s fina–”
“Listen to me, numbskull,” Eddie interrupts, pushing Buck’s shoulder. Objectively, such a light push wouldn’t have moved him. But it was Eddie who had touched him and, like it always had, Buck’s body becomes instantly pliant under Eddie’s touch. “You're breaking up with me over my cold, dead fucking body. I'm yours and you're mine. So you can try doing the stupid little honorable song and dance, ‘Oh, Eddie, I feel bad’, ‘Oh Eddie, I’m going to leave you, but it’s for your own good so you can keep a shell of a relationship with your asshole parents at the expense of the only person you’ve ever loved’,” Buck keeps stepping back until he stumbles onto the barstool, catching himself without taking his eyes off of Eddie. Good. “But all of that means nothing because we're not ‘boyfriends’, okay? What, you think that you’ll tell me it’s over and I’m just going to nod along, shake your hand, pat you on the shoulder and watch you walk away from my life with your kid—who, by the way, can’t fall asleep without me making up at least three stories with shadow puppets before he even lets you in the room to tuck him in— and stop caring about the both of you with every breath I take? Are you going to walk out of here and forget about me and the kid we’ve been raising together into the most amazing, kind, intelligent young man for nine fucking years? If you didn’t want us to be together forever, you should have thought about that before you told me that you loved me, because there’s no separating me from you anymore, asshole. I’m not a dude named Brad you met on grindr who you can ghost after a bad date, I’m your fucking partner. Which means we make decisions together—and I refuse to even entertain this dumbass fucking idea. Got it?”
Buck takes a breath for the first time since Eddie’d started yelling (well, speaking loudly) and lets out a shaky breath.
“Got it,” he breathes after a moment.
Eddie crosses his arms, satisfied at his good work. There it is again. That look—the look, the one meant for him and him alone. The same look that had stamped Buck’s gorgeous face after Eddie kissed him in this very kitchen the first night Theo begged Eddie and Chris to stay over so they could have family time the next day. Both kids in bed, moody lighting, Buck saying that had been the smoothest bedtime routine they’d had ever and joking they should all just stay here for good—there was room for everybody, after all.
The look that would follow Eddie for the rest of his life. He’d make sure of it.
“Good,” his voice is syrupy sweet, a smile tugging at the corners or his lips. “Anything else?”
“Marry me.”
The words stumble out of Buck easily, his lovesick smile only widening when Eddie steps between his legs and takes his face in his hands. “Now that’s an idea I can get behind.”