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Sulfur on your breath
Granite in my chest
You won't ever have to talk about it
You'll never wanna talk about it
Pyro spent his bath disappointed that both Graecie and the nurse were around. Maybe it would’ve been decidedly clinical to wash off corruption with Scott, but it would have been nice anyway. Even with all of the gods damned snakes around. (Why the fuck did there have to be so many?)
When Graecie pointed out the book on curing burns, he glanced at his hands; always raw and blistered these days. He thought on how the answer was always cold. Any time he could hold Scott’s hands without any barrier between them was immense relief. He enjoyed it for personal reasons, but it was also the only time the skin calmed to a dull ache over the raging sting they held now.
Maybe one day they’d callus and resist his magic, but for now, they were deeply unpleasant. And Scott was his only remedy.
What a relief then when they could finally break away from Graecie to head back to their dorms together. The day had been long and arduous, and Pyro looked forward to perhaps spending the night with Scott again. His room was still in a state, and Scott simply refused to visit until it was done. No matter though; he enjoyed being under the quilts with Scott, surrounded by the relieving chill.
Pyro released a puff of air when they began to cross the main hall back to Vulpes dorm. “These corruptions–”
“Can I ask–”
Pyro turned to look at Scott. “Yeah, what, hey? What’s up?”
Scott walked ahead, periodically glancing back at Pyro as they walked. “So we’ve been here for how long now, two weeks?”
“Two weeks, give or take, yeah.”
“You… have barely asked about home.”
Pyro blinked hard, taken aback by the question. Where did that come from?
Scott continued, “You haven’t asked how things are.”
Confounded was a good way to describe what Pyro felt. They were doing so well. Why do this now? To start an argument for the sake of it?
“I mean as soon as the dragon can fly, I’m sure I’ll visit, but…” He looked back at Scott as they arrived in the green atrium before their dorm, sun shining down onto Scott’s dirty-gold locks. “Got other things on my mind.”
Scott stopped in his tracks, scoffing and shaking his head.
They were really doing this. Where the fuck was this coming from? Why? Was it because of things Maddy said to Scott earlier? Did he do something on their outing today? He didn’t understand.
“Why, what?” Pyro asked.
“I– I don’t know, I just… I thought you’d… care more about it?”
They stopped just inside the main hall of the dorm. If Scott wanted to do this in public, then let it be in public.
Pyro couldn’t help a dry laugh, utterly confounded by his… partner? Were they partners if Scott was saying this to him? After ruminating on memories together, Scott still assumed he didn’t care. It stung worse than any injury on his palms or other burn across his body.
He supposed “maybe” really was the answer to if Scott loved him. And perhaps it was “maybe not”.
“You know, you haven’t been home in so long, and now suddenly–”
“Yeah, I care, obviously. What?” It was obvious to Pyro, at least.
Softly, full of genuine hurt, Scott said, “Funny way of showing it sometimes.”
Pyro spluttered in disbelief. “I mean I plan on going back there, obviously, you don’t think I would?”
“Well, you haven’t in the last 8 years, so...”
“Well, when I go back there I’ll actually have something worth sharing. Something new. Which is good.” Well. They were at war and fighting deadly corruption. Maybe not. “I mean, not good, but this is… it’s something. Something new. Can’t imagine anything else has been going on in that place.”
Because truly, nothing changed in Tegrith. Same people, same chores, same routines, same habits during the same seasons, same everything. It was so mundane. It was maddening. How could anybody thrive in that kind of environment? Did Scott really resent him so much for leaving still? For wanting more?
Scott was looking away, couldn’t meet Pyro’s eyes. Fire burned in the pit of Pyro’s stomach. How dare he. How dare he accuse him of such things and not even look at him.
But after a beat, Scott did. “You showing us the corruption the other day wasn’t the first time I’ve seen it.”
What? What did that have to do with anything they were just talking about?
“You saw it on your way here then…?”
“Corruption’s in the north,” Scott replied. “You remember the old lake that we used to play at? Far away from summer town?”
“Yeah I remember.”
How could he not? He wasn’t sure when his feelings for Scott had first been planted, but they’d bloomed during those summers on the lake. It would be nigh impossible for him to ever forget.
“The lake’s gone.”
Pyro scowled. “Yeah, I don’t… If this is just some way to guilt trip me, if this is some exaggeration–”
Scott spluttered, “What– Why would I exaggerate it? You told me about the Tim stuff and I believe you wholeheartedly. I trusted you.”
“How could the corruption be there?” Pyro threw his hands up in exasperation. Why would it be all the way up north? Why now? It didn’t make any sense.
“I don’t know! The winters seem to hold it away, there isn’t much for it to spread and take over life when it’s covered in ice and snow. But… we’re in summer now.” Scott stared off into the middle distance, clearly haunted by what he’d seen. “Now we’re moved back to the upper village.”
It dawned on Pyro then that even if he wanted to, he couldn’t go home anymore.
Voice tight, Pyro said, “Suppose if I went there then on the back of a dragon, fire breathing from its mouth and from mine… wouldn’t be much good there, would it?”
Danger. That’s what he was. To himself, to Scott, to their classmates, to Tegrith, probably to the world. Fire was only good for one thing, and it was harm. It did plenty of harm. He bore the brunt of it, always tried to hold back. Every time they were in combat he had to hold back, couldn’t make things worse. The shield tower he’d handled on his own was the most free he’d felt since coming here; he could just… release. He could just be himself.
But being himself put others in danger. Scott couldn’t always be there to douse the flames and cool the burns. Scott was the only reason more people hadn’t come to harm.
Bile tickled the back of Pyro’s throat; he swallowed it down hard. He couldn’t go home. He couldn’t go home anymore.
“... Not right now,” Scott conceded, “We need to figure out what actually stops the corruption.”
“How bad…” Maybe it was a stupid question to ask, but he needed to know. “How bad is it?”
“Most people avoid it.” Scott crossed his arms and stared down at the floor. “A couple people didn’t know what it was. Some of the littles went down to the lake like we used to–”
“One of the littles?”
Pyro hadn’t met his sister; Igna wasn’t much more than a concept in his mind, a person he knew existed that was related to him. Even still, the thought that she might be corrupted struck a chord. That couldn’t be, could it?
“Other people have had kids– It’s not Igna.”
“Okay, all right,” Pyro sighed, clutching at his chest in relief.
“But yeah, it was too late… That’s why I came here.”
“Yeah. Right.” Pyro kept staring at Scott, Scott who kept looking in every other direction as he spoke while Pyro remained locked in place, voice growing thick with tears that threatened to fall, ones that he refused to let escape because of his damned pride. “They, um… They didn’t write to me, they didn’t… They didn’t tell me.”
“I mean… would it have changed anything? Would you have come home?”
“... would I have come home?” Was he hearing Scott right? Was he really being asked something so daft?
“If they’d written to you and told you about the corruption, would you have come home? Would you have come back?”
It really was “maybe not” then, because why the fuck would Scott ask him such a thing? Did Scott really think him so heartless? After everything they’d already endured in these two short weeks? After what he’d just told Scott about Tim, after breaking down in his room over it? This is what Scott Borealith thought of him.
“You think I need to answer that?”
“I don’t know, nothing else brought you back.” Scott sounded so incredulous; it drove a spike through Pyro’s gut. “Not anything to do with your family, nothing to do with me…”
Pyro turned his head to stare down the hall, away from Scott. He couldn’t look at him. For all the insults that Scott hurled when they met again on that first day, for all the horrible things Maddy said about him, for all the rumors that spread behind his back, nothing hurt like this. The assumption that he didn’t care. And maybe that was his own fault, maybe leaving in the night without a word and disappearing belied what Pyro held in his heart. But had Scott not learned anything just being around him again?
It was clear his… partner? Hadn’t let go of the hurt, still believed he was the same. Reputation meant everything to Pyro, and this contradicted everything he wanted to be, everything he felt he was. How could Scott kiss him, share a bed, rely on him on adventures, trust him in the war to come, while holding these beliefs as the truth?
Ridiculous.
“As soon as I’m…” What could Pyro even say. He was so lost. “I can help there. Somehow.”
“I mean… I hope so eventually, but nothing we’ve tried so far works.”
“Yeah…”
“We’ve been using markers to track how far the corruption gets, it’s why I suggested it today. Seeing how far it was growing.”
“And you didn’t… You didn’t see the need to tell me this… as soon as you saw me?”
Because really, why hadn’t he? Why keep this from him? What was the point, to what end? To hurt him? That was cold, even for Scott.
“As soon as I saw you?” Scott sounded as though he was holding back a laugh. “You mean when you came marching down this hall and slandered me in front of Drift? Making little remarks that I have dandruff that’s very obviously the frost–”
“Yeah, Scott, to hell with the slander, this is the corruption!” What were they even doing here? What was the point of this? They had bigger things to worry about than petty, regrettable insults after years apart. He thought they were past this.
“You’ve not asked once Pyro–”
“I don’t think I need to ask, ‘Is the corruption spreading to Tegrith?’ for you to tell me! Have you lost your wits?” He’d been frustrated with Scott periodically since they’d come to the Academy; it was to be expected, and certainly mutual. Even as close as they’d become (as he thought they’d become, anyway), it had never made him this angry, had never hurt him this deep. Scott thought so little of him that even basic decency was something he thought Pyro incapable of. This was where his affections lay? Really? “Has the cold damaged your senses, I don’t get it, I walk into your room and the whole this is frosty–”
“You don’t get to disappear for eight years and then ask if I’ve lost my wits–”
“Is the whole of our town rotting away?”
“No, I told you, it’s miles– We used to travel– The summer village is far away–”
“Yeah but in the time that you’ve been here it could be completely overwhelmed!”
“Whatever that corruption is, it doesn’t seem to spread as much as this. I think here there’s a lot more magic and life for it to feed off of.”
“Yeah.” Pyro was still reeling, still fuming. He looked away from Scott again, stared hard at one of the pillars that made up the center of their dorm.
“Up there, there’s… not much.”
“Yeah, there’s no magic there.”
“It’s a lot slower. But… I’m telling you now.”
“Yeah,” Pyro huffed.
“I’m sorry… I should have said something sooner. I just… You weren’t the easiest to grow up with.”
“Yeah, I’ve… so I’ve heard.” Pyro scrubbed a hand over his face, puffing out air.
“I just didn’t know how to tell you.”
“Well, waiting weeks to do it certainly wasn’t it, Scott.”
Pyro broke away to make for the stairs up to his room; perhaps some time in a warmer space would do him some good. He’d been sitting in the cold too much lately, clearly.
“Pyro–!” Scott rushed to follow, footsteps on the stairs trailing behind him.
Pyro whirled around on Scott, the dam holding his emotions in check finally breaking. “What, Scott? What other assumption about me do you have left? What other horrible thing will you say about the man you share a bed with?”
“Keep your voice down,” Scott hissed.
“What, am I so shameful to be seen with? Is that it? I’m getting real mixed signals here, Scott, and the way I feel may not matter to you, but I care. I do. But nobody seems to get that. Not you, not any of our classmates. I don’t understand.”
“Of course how you feel matters, but would you just– come to my room and we can talk–”
“No! You know what? I don’t want to! I’m feeling rather used right now, Scott. For all you say that you care so much and that I don’t, you can be real heartless. Cold as the ice you summon.”
“Oh, we’re back to the petty insults then, is that it, Pyro?”
“Whatever.”
Pyro huffed and stormed up the stairs again, making it halfway down the hall to their rooms before getting hit with a blast of frost to slow him to a stop. “You–!”
“I said stop, Pyro.” Scott chased him down and grabbed for his hand. “I’m sorry–”
Pyro yanked it back, gritting his teeth. “I don’t understand how you can guilt trip me in one breath and then act like everything’s normal in another. That I’ll just… go back with you after that.”
“I’m not exactly happy with you either.”
“And why can’t I mention that we’re together? Why am I a secret, Scott? What’s the deal?”
Scott bodily shoved Pyro to the wall, covering his mouth with a gloved hand, an echo of their argument on the first day of the academy. Mere minutes ago he would’ve relished in the press of Scott’s firm, stocky body against him. Right now it was pissing him off.
“You have no subtlety, no discretion, and no consideration for the people around you,” Scott hissed.
Prying Scott’s hand off his mouth, Pyro replied, “You had no problem kissing me in the hall before.” They were extremely open about it, in fact. At risk of getting caught, even. “Now suddenly we need to hide.”
“I thought you understood. You’ve been discrete at every other time–”
“I can’t do this, Scott. I can’t have you… guilt me and lecture me and then expect me to just fall into your arms after. Don’t be ridiculous.”
Scott did let go, giving Pyro his space. He glared off down the hall, unable to look at Pyro again. Rarely, if ever, able to meet his eyes during these moments. The stubborn glacier, rooted, unmoving, moored in place. Unable to take risks, to do things scared. That was Scott Borealith.
“Maybe this was a mistake.”
Those shimmering lavender eyes, all the colors of the aurora, snapped back to attention on him, wide with fear, anguish, confusion. Pyro regretted saying it immediately, but it was too late.
“Pyro…” Scott seemed to want to reach him again, lifting a hand, then thought better of it. His expression went flat, cold, the things Pyro had just accused him of being. “Fine. We agree for once. This was a horrible idea. I should’ve never given in to you.”
Blasting him with another beam of ice to freeze Pyro in place, Scott stormed off to his room. The door slammed, the lock clicked, and Pyro was left outside the veil by the time he thawed enough to move.
Stupid! Ridiculous! Why did he say that?
He was hurting and now he’d lashed out at Scott. Why did he do that? He didn’t even mean it but he’d said it anyway.
Pyro rushed down the steps into the dorm’s man atrium again; he couldn’t even look at Scott’s door through his own, he couldn’t stand it.
“Oh, Pyro, it is I, Prince Cambam! How very good to see you!”
Pyro came to a stop at the bottom of the steps, eyes stinging with the threat of tears, and here came the prince of KEWLTOWN himself to ruin his fucking day.
“Hello, Prince… wonderful to see you.”
“Isn’t it just? Oh, It’s almost as wonderful as my Giselle. Shall I sing a song about her for you?”
“Look, man, I really can’t–”
“Oh, I’m so glad you agree, Pyro, let me begin–”
This was divine punishment from the gods for his transgressions. He deserved this. He wanted to throw himself off the banister, flame leap be damned, but he remained trapped.
He could brood about it later. He did not brood. But for this? It was called for.
For perhaps the biggest mistake of his life.