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Libraries are a wonderful thing. Buck loves libraries. He's very keen on supporting libraries. That's why he and Theo go multiple times a week.
Until one day - a Wednesday halfway through June - Buck decides he's had enough of the public library. Actually, he doesn't think they should ever come back again. Because a bean bag chair in the children's section is no place to realize you're probably, maybe, almost definitely in love with your best friend. Or that said best friend is probably, maybe, almost definitely in love with you too.
This information comes to Buck in stages, and it's all because of the stupid weekly themed book display just inside the sliding doors.
"I want this one! There's a dragon!" Theo had announced the moment they entered the library, yanking on Buck's sleeve as he catapulted towards the picture book at the front of the display.
Sure enough, there was a large, green dragon on the cover.
"Read it to me, Buck!" Theo had demanded, snatching the book off the shelf and shoving it into Buck's stomach. "I want to see the dragon."
So they'd gone to the children's section and settled down in the story nook, Theo wriggling in Buck's lap as he dutifully read a rather predictable but beautifully illustrated story about a princess and a dragon and a knight.
Theo likes being read to. It's one of the few things that holds his attention for more than thirty seconds, as long as the pictures are interesting enough to keep him engaged. Usually, he keeps himself entertained by running his fingers along the words as Buck reads them aloud, following along quietly. So when Buck flips to the second last page of the story, to reveal the knight on his white dappled horse facing off the dragon for the big finale, he's surprised when Theo loudly interrupts.
"That's like Eddie!" he gasps, jamming his finger at the depiction of the knight in the book.
Buck frowns. He narrows his eyes and tilts his head a little, trying to find the resemblance. The blonde, bearded knight in the book looks absolutely nothing like Eddie.
"How's that like Eddie?" Buck asks curiously, brows furrowed.
Far be it from him to judge someone for finding a connection to Eddie when none exists, but this seems like a bit of a stretch.
"When he rode to save you on a horse," Theo answers, like he's recounting some well-known fact.
"What?" Buck laughs.
Sure, Theo's got an active imagination, but this is the first time Buck's heard him make up something so fantastical unprompted.
"When Eddie rode on the horse," Theo reiterates, his own little eyebrows creasing as he looks up at Buck, like he thinks Buck is being willfully obtuse.
"I don't think Eddie knows how to ride a horse," Buck replies in utter confusion. He has no clue where Theo picked this idea up from.
As far as Buck is aware - and he has pretty extensive knowledge on the subject of Eddie Diaz - his best friend is not harbouring secret equestrian tendencies.
"Yes, he does," Theo insists stubbornly, looking personally offended at Buck's disagreement. "He rode a horse in the desert."
Buck blinks.
"Chris told me."
"What exactly did Chris tell you?" Buck asks, heart beginning to gallop in his chest like the horse Eddie allegedly rode on.
"That there were bad guys in the desert and Eddie rode on a horse to save you and bring you home," Theo recounts, gesturing at the knight in the book again to help emphasize his comparison.
Buck shakes his head, baffled. That's not what happened. Buck was there. Eddie didn't ride in on horseback, he rolled up in the shittiest car known to man held together by duck tape and sheer willpower. Which was no less impressive than a horse, but is, markedly, less romantic.
He isn't sure why Chris and Theo were discussing what happened in New Mexico to begin with, and he finds it mildly concerning, but he would certainly like to know where the addition of the horse came from.
The idea of Eddie riding on horseback through the desert like some heroic cowboy does something complicated to Buck's insides.
"Chris told me," Theo repeats, a little whiny now that Buck hasn't responded to him for several seconds. "And Chris is a big kid, he knows everything."
"He- he does know a lot of stuff," Buck agrees haltingly.
He can't imagine why Chris would tell Theo something like that if it wasn't true. Which leaves him to grapple with the possibility that it might be true, and that, at some point in his search for Buck, Eddie commandeered a horse and neglected to mention it.
The sequence of events in New Mexico, as they were recounted to Buck, are as follows: Eddie was in the hospital after the car crash, Eddie left the hospital and went to the diner to see if he could get any leads on the men who tried to start something with them the night before, mistakenly thinking that they'd taken Buck. After that, he called Maddie to get Bonnie's address and accidentally discovered who really ran them off the road while he was at the property.
Now that he's thinking about it, Buck doesn't really know any of the specifics of Eddie's quest. Eddie had sort of glossed over the details when they'd discussed it on the drive home.
Eddie is an A-class worrier. He had been far more focused on grilling Buck about what happened while they were separated and keeping track of the time intervals that the doctor recommended for them to pull over so Buck could move around. He's like a mother goose, pretty and serene, but bossy as hell if you're under his care, and he'll hiss about it a little if you don't listen.
Now, Buck wishes he'd thought to push back and question Eddie's spartan story more so that he could know with certainty that no dramatic horseback riding was involved in his rescue efforts.
"Can we go see Chris?" Theo asks, stretching out across Buck's lap, clearly bored.
"Uh." Buck checks the time on his watch, just past three-thirty. By the time they get across the city, Chris will certainly be home from school, which is lucky because Buck was hoping to go over anyway. He has some questions for his best friend. "Yeah, sure. We can go see Eddie and Chris."
"Yay! I love Eddie and Chris!" Theo exclaims, excitedly struggling out of Buck's grasp.
"Me too," Buck mutters quietly as he gets to his feet. He loves Eddie and Chris so much, more than most other people in the world, but suddenly the magnitude of that love feels significant in a way Buck has been trying his best to avoid.
They don't end up finishing the book, but Theo does insist on checking it out to bring home with them since he's still enamoured with the big, green dragon. Unfortunately, it's impossible to say no to his big, pleading eyes, so Buck gingerly carries the book to the truck, trying not to think of the revelations contained within.
Of everything that's happened over the past eight years, Buck isn't sure why this is what's finally made it click into place. But there's something about Eddie being depicted as his literal knight in shining armour that's making a lot of things make sense in his brain very fast.
From day one, Eddie has unwaveringly had Buck's back. He's the person Buck turns to in every crisis, the person Buck can count on to help him weather any storm. Eddie is the first person Buck wants to tell when something happens - the good, the bad, the mundane. He simply wants to share his life with Eddie. And Eddie does the same with him. They are, unequivocally, each other's person. The very best of friends.
And maybe something else. Maybe something more. Maybe what they have goes beyond friendship or attraction, and instead they've stumbled into the kind of bond that blends the two seamlessly into something neither of them know how to quantify. Or maybe they know exactly how, they're both just too afraid to name it.
In New Mexico, Buck learned that Eddie was ready to kill for him. Eddie was ready to move heaven and earth if it meant the two of them could be reunited. Maybe Buck hadn't been too pleased with Eddie's reckless, self-sacrificial tendencies at the time, but there is something undeniably romantic about knowing that the one person Buck's always been able to rely on to come back to him would fight through hell itself just for the chance to be with him again.
“Buuuuck,” Theo sighs dramatically from his booster seat, effectively interrupting the realization Buck is struggling to come to terms with while he navigates Los Angeles traffic.
“What’s up, bud?”
“I’m hungry.” Theo crosses his arms, and his pout is prominent enough that it stands out in the rearview mirror.
“Hi hungry, I’m Buck.”
Theo huffs, and Buck smirks to himself thinking about how Eddie would probably laugh and shake his head if he was sitting in the passenger seat. Fuck. Buck really wishes Eddie was sitting in his passenger seat right now. He wants Eddie around all the time.
“My name isn’t hungry. I want a snack,” Theo explains with an air of utter impatience.
“I’m sure there are lots of snacks at Eddie’s house,” Buck assures him, signalling to turn off the highway.
“Cheese strings?” Theo asks hopefully.
“Probably.” Buck nods. “But you can ask him yourself in a few minutes.”
“Okay,” Theo agrees, momentarily placated. Ten seconds at most pass before another utterance of, “Buck?”
“Yes, Theo?”
“Where do you think Eddie’s horse is now?”
“I’m not too sure,” Buck says, neglecting to include that he still isn’t convinced this horse exists. “You can ask him that too.”
“I want to pet the horse! Can I pet him?”
“I don’t think so, he’s probably really far away,” Buck answers apologetically. When Theo’s eyes get wide and his lip begins to tremble precariously, he’s quick to add, “But we can go pet some other horses sometime if you want. There are lots of stables around.”
“When?” Theo narrows his eyes skeptically.
“Soon,” Buck promises. That’s been his favourite go-to answer lately, since Theo usually accepts it without argument and Buck is not beholden to a timeline.
“Can Eddie and Chris come too?” Theo asks expectantly.
“Sure.”
“Will Eddie ride a horse?”
“I don’t know.”
“Can we get a horse?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
“Our yard isn’t big enough.”
“Can we get a bigger yard?”
“No.”
“Why not?”
The remainder of the drive consists of Buck trying to reason with a four-year-old about why horse ownership is not a feasible option in the Los Angeles suburbs. He is not very successful. Theo is trying to negotiate him down to a pony when they finally pull up in front of Eddie’s house.
When they get to the door, Buck knocks, because this isn't a casual 'I'll let myself into your house and we can chat while you're in the middle of laundry' conversation, this is a 'come to the door and explain yourself' conversation.
Eddie opens the door. He’s wearing his staying-at-home-outfit - loose fit jeans and a hoodie that once belonged to Buck but has lived in Eddie’s closet for so long that it’s more of a co-ownership situation now.
“Hi.” Eddie smiles, soft and surprised.
Buck and Theo speak over each other.
Buck says, disbelievingly, “You rode a horse?”
Theo says, hopefully, “Do you have any cheese strings?”
Eddie laughs and looks between them. “What?”
“I want cheese,” Theo states, and Buck remains quiet, because clearly it’s the more pressing issue.
“I have cheese.” Eddie turns his head to shout down the hall. “Christopher, we have company!”
“Who?” Chris yells back, voice muffled from where he’s no doubt shut away in his room.
“Buck.” No response. “And Theo.” Christopher’s bedroom door opens and mere seconds later, he appears in the hallway. Theo runs to him.
“Christopher!” he exclaims enthusiastically, wrapping his little arms around Chris’ waist, careful not to jostle his crutches. Chris smiles indulgently and pats him on the head.
“Hey, Theo. How’s it going?”
“I want cheese,” Theo informs him seriously, and Chris nods solemnly.
“Then we’d better go have some.” Chris leads the way to the kitchen, Theo skipping happily along after him.
Buck and Eddie watch them go with matching adoring smiles on their faces. Once their boys have disappeared around the corner, Eddie turns back to Buck.
“Did you say something about a horse when you walked in?”
“Yes.” Buck nods. His mouth goes dry. “I was told you rode one.”
Eddie looks at him, expression unreadable. “Did I?”
“According to Theo, yes.” Buck crosses over to the couch and sits down.
“Interesting.” Eddie folds his arms over his chest and leans back against the wall, watching Buck carefully.
“Did you?” Buck asks. He stands back up and puts the coffee table between them as a buffer, because it sort of feels like Eddie is staring into his soul.
“Not recently,” Eddie replies evasively.
“But you did ride one?”
“Sure.” Eddie shrugs. “I grew up in Texas.”
“No.” Buck shakes his head. “Not in Texas.”
“Okay,” Eddie agrees mildly. “Not just in Texas.”
“Where else?” Buck asks quietly, eyes trained on Eddie’s.
“I-”
“Hi, Eddie!” Theo materializes at Eddie’s side, holding his arms up in invitation.
“Hi, bud.” Eddie scoops him up like it’s second nature. “How was your cheese?”
“Good! Chris peeled them into octopuses for me.”
“Wow.” Eddie raises his eyebrows. “That’s pretty neat.”
“I had two.” Theo holds up two fingers proudly. “I can put lots of food in my tummy because Buck says I’m a growing boy.”
“That’s right.” Eddie nods, smiling. “You are.”
“Do you think I can be big and strong one day like him?” Theo asks, leaning in to whisper his question loudly into Eddie’s ear, like it’s a secret wish he doesn’t intend for Buck to overhear. “I want to be a fireman too.”
Buck’s entire heart melts in his chest. He’s going to disintegrate right here on Eddie’s living room floor.
“You’re already super strong,” Eddie whispers back conspiratorially. He reaches up and squeezes Theo’s tiny bicep. “Looks like you’re already giving him a challenge.”
Theo giggles, delighted, and Eddie lets him down to the ground just as Chris comes back into the room.
“Hey, Theo, I have some superhero action figures in my room, do you wanna see?”
“Yeah!” Theo takes off towards Christopher’s room at breakneck speed and Eddie and Buck call, in unison, for him to be careful. Chris gives them a silent, significant look, both eyebrows raised, before continuing on after Theo.
“So,” Buck starts once they’re alone again. “About the horse?”
Eddie makes a small, reluctant noise in the back of his throat. “What about it?”
“Theo said Chris told him you rode a horse across the desert to save me,” Buck informs him calmly, surprised at the steadiness of his own voice.
“I see.” Eddie shifts uncomfortably and wipes his hands on his jeans. He does not deny it. He does start to blush.
“Why-” Buck’s voice cracks and he clears his throat. “Why would Chris have told him that?”
“Probably because I told Chris that,” Eddie answers, looking resolutely at a point past Buck’s left ear.
“Alright,” Buck lets out a breath that feels like it evacuates all the oxygen from his lungs. “Why did you tell Chris that?” he presses, voice an octave too high.
“Because I thought he’d get a kick out of it.”
“And you didn’t think I would?” Buck asks, trying to sound offended but not quite managing it.
“Are you getting a kick out of it?” Eddie asks, finally meeting Buck's eyes.
“No,” Buck answers truthfully. “I’m-I’m not.”
“That’s why I didn’t tell you.”
Buck sits down on the couch again, and this time there’s no hope in standing up because his entire body feels like it’s made of lead.
“We were reading a book about a knight saving a princess from a dragon,” Buck explains slowly. “And when we got to the page with the knight doing the rescue, Theo pointed at him and said that he was like you.”
“Oh.” Eddie swallows audibly. He unsticks himself from the wall and moves to the edge of the couch. He doesn’t sit down.
“Eddie,” Buck pleads, looking up imploringly at his best friend. Willing Eddie to say something to put him out of his misery.
“Look,” Eddie sighs. He sets his hands on his hips. “It doesn’t have to be a big deal. It was the only mode of transportation immediately available. I wasn’t trying to be heroic.”
“Yeah,” Buck scoffs. “And you succeeded anyway.”
“I’m sorry!” Eddie throws his hands up. “If I’d known it would make you so distressed, I would have walked.”
“I’m not upset about the horse!” Buck exclaims.
“Then what’s the issue here, Buck?” Eddie huffs in exasperation. “That I didn’t tell you about it?”
“That you’re in love with me!”
Eddie blinks.
Buck slaps a hand over his mouth, trying to shove the words back in. It’s no use. They’re out there now, in the wild, like an invasive species that’s about to take over and reshape the entire landscape of their lives.
“I’m what?” Eddie breathes, eyes wide.
“In love with me?” Buck repeats, barely above a whisper.
“I- you got that from the horse?” Eddie asks incredulously.
“No.” Buck shakes his head. “The horse just compounded things. I found out about the horse and then everything else sort of just clicked into place.”
“Okay.” Eddie visibly deflates. He plops down onto the couch beside Buck and slides back to sink into the cushions like he hopes they might swallow him alive. “I didn’t want to bring it up - the love thing, not the horse thing.”
“Neither did I,” Buck insists, shaking his head adamantly. “Theo just told me you were like my knight in shining armour and now I can’t stop thinking about you being in stupid, dramatic, fairytale-style love with me.”
“There are worse things to be,” Eddie points out a little wistfully. “But I can understand why it would make you uncomfortable.”
“Wait.” Buck frowns. “What?”
Eddie shrugs sheepishly, ducking his head. He’s blushing even harder now and looking positively miserable about it.
“Eddie, what?”
“I promise it won’t change anything between us,” Eddie insists, sounding a little frantic. “I won’t let it get in the way of our friendship or the boys spending time together or anything like that. I’m handling it!”
“Oh my god,” Buck groans, burying his face in his hands for a moment. When he looks up, Eddie is looking at him apprehensively. “You’re such an idiot.”
“I’m wha-” Eddie’s indignant squawk turns into a surprised gasp when Buck leans in and kisses him right on the apple of his cheek.
“I’m in stupid, dramatic, fairytale-style love with you too, dumbass.”
“I- oh.” Eddie stares a little dazedly back at him. “You are?”
“Yeah,” Buck confirms. “I am.”
“Then why were you so upset?” Eddie demands, looking a little affronted now.
“I don’t think ‘upset’ is the word I’d use.”
“You stormed in here and accused me of riding a horse like it was a personal slight!” Eddie argues.
“I was going through something,” Buck defends himself. “I just had to recontextualize the last eight years of our friendship in a very short amount of time while also arguing with a four-year-old about why he couldn’t get a pet horse. It was all very overwhelming.”
“Okay, that does sound overwhelming,” Eddie begrudgingly agrees.
“You’ve evidently had time to sit with this knowledge, I thought you were straight this morning.”
Eddie snorts. “Well that one’s kinda on you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Come on, Buck. The entire state of New Mexico seemed to think we were married to each other.”
“The entire - wait, what?” Buck stares at him in mild alarm. “They did?”
“The sheriff thought I killed you because ‘it’s always the husband.’”
“He did?”
“Mhm.” Eddie nods. “That was a lovely conversation. It’s actually what necessitated me jumping out the window in the first place.”
“You jumped out of a window?” Buck shoots up off the couch. “Eddie, what?”
“How did you think I got out of the hospital?” Eddie asks in confusion.
“Through the front doors after you were discharged?”
“Oh.” Eddie rubs at the back of his neck which his blush is now creeping down. “No.”
“Eddie,” Buck breathes, lowering his voice enough that it won’t carry. “What the fuck did you did in New Mexico?”
In the golden afternoon light, Eddie’s eyes turn liquid deep and his expression softens. “I found you,” he answers simply.
Buck’s hands find either side of Eddie’s face and he tilts Eddie’s head up as he leans down to kiss him, their lips meeting gently in the middle.
“Thank you,” Buck murmurs, pulling back enough to look right into Eddie’s eyes. “Thank you for finding me.”
Eddie wraps his arms around Buck’s waist and hugs him tightly around the middle. “I always will,” he promises into Buck’s stomach. “I’m always gonna find you, Buck.”
“I know,” Buck murmurs, bending down to brush Eddie’s hair out of his face in anticipation of another kiss.
“Oh, yuck.”
Buck’s head snaps up to find Chris standing in the hallway, one hand covering his eyes. “Are you guys making out?”
“No!” Buck and Eddie protest in tandem. Eddie gets up from the couch and stands next to Buck, leaving a couple inches of room between them.
Chris gingerly peers through his fingers and drops his hand when he confirms that Buck and Eddie are a respectable distance apart.
“Where's Theo?” Buck asks.
“Fast asleep on my rug between Spider-man and the Hulk,” Chris replies, ambling over and taking a seat on the couch that Buck and Eddie have both vacated. “So,” he says, leaning back and steepling his fingers. “What were you two doing out here?”
“Uh.” Buck and Eddie look at each other.
“I found out your dad rode on horseback across the desert to find me in New Mexico and kinda freaked out about it,” Buck blurts in a rush.
“Then I told him I was in love with him,” Eddie adds.
“Dad,” Chris gasps, placing a hand over his heart in mock astonishment. “I thought you swore to me this morning you were never going to tell him because you didn't want to ‘ruin the friendship’.”
Buck swivels to look at Eddie. “You said that?”
“I- that’s irrelevant.” Eddie folds his arms stubbornly across his chest and shoots Chris a look of betrayal which his son placidly ignores.
“Hey,” Buck says, turning to Chris and electing to change topics for the sake of Eddie’s dignity. “Why were you talking to Theo about New Mexico?”
“I didn't want him to be nervous about you going to work.”
“What?” Buck asks, sitting down on the couch next to Chris. “Was he worried about that?”
“I'm not sure,” Chris admits. “But last week when I was reading to him before bed he was asking me if your job was scary and I know how I felt about Dad being a firefighter after Mom died, so I didn't want him to be afraid you wouldn't come home like his parents.”
“Oh.” Buck feels heat prickling his eyes and his throat constricting. “Chris, that was really thoughtful.”
Chris shrugs. “I just wanted him to feel safe.”
Above them, Eddie makes a strangled little sniffling sound and Buck looks up to find him wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
“So I told him,” Chris goes on, unbothered. “That as long as you're with my dad, you're always gonna come home to him, and then I gave him a couple examples.”
“Wow.” Buck lets out a little unsteady exhale. He reaches out and pats Chris’ knee. “Thanks, bud. I had no idea he was worried about that.”
“No problem.” Chris smiles up at Buck. “It seemed like it made him feel better, and,” he adds, laughing a little, “I think it made him think that Dad is some kind of storybook hero or something.”
“Yeah,” Buck huffs. “I also got that impression.”
“It's not that far from the truth,” Chris goes on, looking up at Eddie, who's staring up at the ceiling and blinking rapidly like that might keep the tears at bay.
“No,” Buck agrees softly, leaning his shoulder into Christopher's. “It's not that far from the truth at all.”
“Can you both stop?” Eddie chokes, looking down, eyes red rimmed and glossy.
“No,” Buck and Chris say together.
“We just love you, Dad,” Chris says, taking Eddie by the sleeve and pulling him down onto the couch on the other side of him.
“Yeah,” Buck echoes, reaching over the back of the couch to lay his hand on Eddie’s shoulder. “We do.”
“You're, like, kind of extremely cool when you're not being super embarrassing,” Chris tells Eddie. “Which is most of the time, for the record.”
“Wow,” Eddie laughs a little wetly. “Thanks for that,” he mutters sarcastically.
“You're welcome,” Chris smiles innocently at him, and Eddie rolls his eyes and ruffles Christopher’s hair.
“Yeah, Eddie.” Buck teases, jostling his shoulder.
Chris rounds on him. “Don't act like you're any better. You're like Dad levels of embarrassing on steroids.”
“Woah,” Buck gasps, offended. “That is so uncalled for. I’m not nearly as embarrassing as Eddie.”
“Whatever you have to tell yourself,” Chris agrees placatingly.
Buck narrows his eyes, but before he can think of a suitable come back, Theo comes stumbling into the room, bleary eyed and sleepy.
“Eddie, I have to ask you a question,” Theo announces, rushing over to the couch and climbing into Eddie’s lap.
“Oh yeah? What's that?” Eddie asks, helping Theo get situated.
“Where's your horse?” Theo stares up at him, wide eyed and expectant.
“Well, he wasn't my horse,” Eddie explains. “And I think he’s probably still in New Mexico.”
“Oh.” Theo frowns. “Buck.” He turns in Eddie’s lap to look over at him. “Can we go to New Mexico to meet Eddie’s horse?”
“Absolutely not,” Buck says without hesitation.
“Never going back there again,” Eddie affirms.
“But I want a horse,” Theo complains.
“You know,” Chris says thoughtfully. “I think I might have a stuffed horse from when I was little. Should we go take a look in my toy bin?”
Theo readily agrees, and Buck and Eddie are once again left in momentary peace.
“So,” Eddie gets to his feet and holds out his hand for Buck to take. “Did you want to help me cook dinner?”
Buck raises an eyebrow. “Do you mean do I want to cook dinner while you watch?”
“Yup.” Eddie nods, pulling him along to the kitchen. “That's exactly what I mean.”
“I can't believe I was freaking out about this twenty minutes ago,” Buck remarks sullenly. “Being in love doesn't actually change anything, you still just want to use me for my culinary prowess.”
“Sure it does.” Eddie pauses in front of the fridge and leans in to kiss Buck softly on the lips. “Now we get to do this too.”
“Hmm,” Buck hums, wrapping his arms around Eddie’s waist. “You're right. That is a pretty good change.”
“I know,” Eddie mumbles, looping his arms around Buck’s neck and pulling him closer.
They end up ordering pizza for dinner half an hour later.