Chapter Text
She hadn't expected to be here. Honestly, she hadn't expected to be anywhere when that end came for her, she thought it was finally over. Truth be told during that last snow when she knew she might die she wished for it. She didn't want to be in a world without So... without their daughter. When she'd left the palace and left So behind she'd felt like she left her heart there too. Not to mention there was this immense guilt at leaving without telling him about their child. Even in a time like this she knew. A mother always knows when her child is there. from the moment it is first thought of to the moment she dies a mother always knows. He must have hated her, God, how So must have hated her for leaving.... and yet it couldn't compare to how much she hated herself.
In the end that was probably what killed her. Giving life to something so much the product of a beautifully complicated love and the guilt that she had taken that life away from her King... From her greatest love. She died in the arms of another man. That was probably the greatest source of her guilt and in the end though she tried to write him and to send for him, she died with her heart in another place and his died with her.
“Su-ya, in your next life, you will remember me, won’t you?”
“I’m going to forget you. I will forget everything. Even in my dreams… I will forget all of you.” It was a cruel promise but after so much happiness and heart ache she found she didn't want to remember any of it. She didn't want to remember her lover or her friends or the enemies she'd made. She didn't want to remember Hae Soo, but she didn't want to be Go Ha Jin either. She just wanted to fade away.