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Summary
This is what Mark does. He goes somewhere, has a few people killed in the process and maybe gets blamed for a few of them. People think being human is about being understood. Mark doesn't want it. Debbie tried to understand him, but never managed to figure out a way to make it more enjoyable.
He can't quite punish himself for this. Maybe it's because self-harm wasn't a "walking atomic bomb thing" or a "superhero thing", maybe it's because it was much hotter to have Cecil be the one to hurt him. Cecil never did. Mark didn't get the whole "apologies" bullshit. He did the wrong things for the wrong reasons and craved being burnt to a crisp by hellfire until his spinal cord would be the one to regret his decisions.
Sometimes, Mark thinks it's hot when Cecil shuts him up. On a good day, it only takes a few arguments. On a bad one, Mark wonders if Cecil would have the guts to smash his head against that expensive table in his office. Mark thinks that's the part that would scare Cecil the most. It even scares Mark a little, that's for sure. Gives him the creeps. Wasn't this what he wanted? Wasn't this what Cecil would enjoy seeing on his face?