Archive of Our Own

Gay Hockey Updates @gay_nhl
Things are getting chilly here in Vegas! Admirals Captain Scott Hunter refuses handshake, gives Commissioner Crowell the brush-off after being awarded this year's Hart Memorial Trophy

admirals brainrot @hunthunthunter
Oh my godddddd

sisi @thatssoselena
God bless you Scott Hunter you truly never miss

Rach🎀 @moonbeamin
KIP GRADY CAN YOU FIGHT

Bleacher Report ✅ @BleacherReport
BREAKING: Multiple sources confirm Shane Hollander will be traded to the Ottawa Centaurs ahead of the start of next season

hollzee @champayneproblems
please god i will give anything to just wake from this nightmare

lizzie💐 @paydenhike
WHAT THE FUCK

lilia @montrealunofficial

Shane's Ginger Ale @hollanville
MTL YOU JUST ATE SHIT SO FUCKING HARD GODDDDD

kaz @shaneageurs
Clear the whole fucking bench I would rather have Hollander Boiziau Pike and any two random people off the street on first line than the rest of that team

hollzee @champayneproblems
they’d probably win more fucking games too

sj ❦ @shaydenstan
FUCK

Dylan Myers @d_myers47
If I was literally any other team in the league I would be burning MTL to the fucking ground rn. No one is gonna touch the fucking cup until Roz and Hollzy are retired. It's so fucking over.

Ottawa Centaurs ✅ @OttawaCentaurs
We are absolutely thrilled to announce the newest addition to our team for the upcoming season: @ShaneHollander24 is going to be suiting up with the Centaurs this fall! Stanley Cup, here we come! ❤️

argyle @i-suggest-hollanov
I QUITE LITERALLY USED TO PRAY FOR TIMES LIKE THIS

court ✨ @chiron4president
I know all my MTL friends are in mourning rn and I don't want to rub it in because wow yall are really suffering. but like. oh my god??? I’ve been an Ottawa fan since birth and I’ve watched them suck so bad every year and now all of THIS?!??!

Evie @projecthailevie
Apparently I’ve had some spectacularly good karma coming my way these last few years because holy shit

ellie🏒 @hunterswingman
oh I’m Ilya Rozanov and I’m the one of the best hockey players of all time and my husband is a fucking legend and part-time underwear model who now plays for my soon to be stanley cup winning team GIRL FUCK YOU

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
😘

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
[Photo ID: Shane Hollander, surrounded by the rest of the Centaurs on the patio of Zane Boodram's house. Slightly blurred in the background is a banner that says 'Welcome Home Hollzy']
Back in my hometown and already feeling like part of the family ❤️ Can't wait to be lacing up with the @Centaurs this fall!

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
…..and?

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
And @rozanov81 will also be there.

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
And they say romance is dead 🥰

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
I am very happy today because a very bad hockey team made huge embarrassing mistake and lost the best player in the league. Don't worry, we will take much better care of him. Too bad so sad good luck next season 😘

lilia @montrealunofficial
So now my hopes for another Montreal cup hinge on… *checks notes* Hayden Pike? That's a sad state of affairs.

Hayden Pike ✅ @haydenpike
Well that was uncalled for.

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
@montrealunofficial It is not too late to become a Centaurs fan. Is what all the smart people are doing

Jackie Pike @jackie_pike35
[Photo ID: Jackie Pike sitting on the couch with Jade and Ruby on one side, Arthur on the other, and Amber in her lap. All five of them are wearing matching Centaurs pajama sets]
Can confirm 😊 Thanks for the special delivery @rozanov81

ruthie @shanesfreckles
ILYA ROZANOV BUYING HAYDEN PIKE'S WIFE CENTAURS PAJAMAS IS FUCKING DIABOLICAL

Hayden Pike ✅ @haydenpike
I'll never be free

Dylan Myers @d_myers47
Montreal silence on the trade is deafening. Not even a tweet wishing Hollander well/thanking him for his service? Disgusting.

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
They are too busy crying because they will never make it past the first round of the playoffs ever again

Dylan Myers @d_myers47

The Crease Report @TCR_Updates
Hollander to join Centaurs this fall — what does this mean for the historic Hollander-Rozanov rivalry? Tensions suspected to be at an all time high in Ottawa this October

Beckett @boodsbbqs
Has anyone told this guy that they're also getting married?? He makes it sound like they're going to kill each other

Wyatt Hayes ✅ @Wy_Hazy
I mean, he's not wrong. I once watched Hollander flip a coffee table because he lost to Rozanov at a game of Abducktion

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
I did not LOSE Ilya CHEATED

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
This is libel. I am calling my lawyer.

Wyatt Hayes ✅ @Wy_Hazy
@boodsbbqs you see what I'm dealing with here?

Brandon @b_rappaport97
Seriously though if I was Rozanov, I'd be pissed. He's single-handedly built two teams back from nothing and now Hollander is just going to swoop in and take all the credit? No way

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
I know. Forced to play on same team as my very talented and sexy husband. Is so sad to be me. Steak too juicy lobster too buttery 😭

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
What?? Who is teaching you memes???

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Ruby

argyle @i-suggest-hollanov
everybody shut up i gotta lock in this is my fucking super bowl

pike's #1 opp @hollanovtruther
happy hollanov wedding day I'm about to become the worst possible version of myself

sj ❦ @shaydenstan
and what are you usually?

pike's #1 opp @hollanovtruther
a pleasure to have in class

kallie @anya_rozander

M~I~A @saltedackles
I finally understand the people who got up at 2am for the royal wedding because same. And I'm in the same time zone as these two. I just couldn't risk missing a single second of content

rae-rae 👣 @getthispolin
Post notifications turned on for every person that might possibly attend this wedding and constantly refreshing every social media network known to man across multiple devices ✌️

Mac🎧@elder_fansie
NASA Mission Control: Hollanov Wedding Edition

rae-rae 👣 @getthispolin
You don't even know how right you are

ruthie @shanesfreckles
[10 Images]
Starting a thread of all the photos I've screenshotted from people's stories. Looks like the ceremony is over and the first husbands of hockey are officially hitched! 🧵(1/?)

cj🦇 @themontrealcentaurs
Awww they look so happy 💕

aly @angelagiarratanasteponme
ilya rozanov married to sexiest man alive shane hollander and best friends with sexiest woman alive svetlana vetrova. his greed sickens me

11.05.2020 @hifromsuperhell
Hold on— what the hell is everyone sitting on??

boop @helenoflacroix
I was wondering that too??

Wyatt Hayes ✅ @Wy_Hazy
🫩🫩🫩

Zane Boodram ✅ @z_bood78
Look. I did the best I could.

Ottawa Centaurs ✅ @OttawaCentaurs
[4 Images]
Congratulations to our favorite newlyweds!! @rozanov81 @ShaneHollander24

𝓰𝓻𝓪𝓬𝓲𝓮 @kingmycon
everyone say thank you Harris for keeping us fed with wedding content

court ✨ @chiron4president
NOT ANYA AND CHIRON IN MATCHING FLOWER COLLARS I'M GONNA CRY

ruthie @shanesfreckles
[8 Images]
🧵(7/?)

Beckett @boodsbbqs
holmberg and young playing beer pong. likely place for them to be

Evie @projecthailevie
did anyone have rozanov/hunter selfie on their hollanov wedding bingo card because I very much did NOT

reeeebecca @beepthemeep
they both looked equally unhappy about it too

bri @getskipped
just out of frame: their husbands, holding them at gunpoint

Yasa Ava 👑 @caethari_aeduria
ryan price just casually using the pike twins as dumbbells no it's fine I'm not crying I'm NOT

ruthie @shanesfreckles
[9 Images]
party appears to be going strong! 🧵(14/?)

audrey @mrslucahaas
which one of you gave haasy the flower crown 😭😭 an evil thing to do to me specifically

rose landry's oscar campaign @sid_williams
rose landry in that dress 🤤 she could hit me with her car and I'd get on my knees to thank her

Svetlana @svet_trova
and? you're not special

rose landry's oscar campaign @sid_williams
okay damn

ruthie @shanesfreckles
[9 Images]
No new photos of the newlyweds in a while 🤔 🧵(22/?)

⋆｡the pitt spoilers｡⋆ @apiculturista
if you didn't think rozanov and hollander were sneaking away from their wedding for a quickie you haven't been paying attention #freak4freak

cj🦇 @themontrealcentaurs
pour one out for the cenz who are never going to have another peaceful night of sleep on the road ever again

Wyatt Hayes ✅ @Wy_Hazy
🍺

Troy Barrett ✅ @tbarrettofficial
🥃

Luca Haas ✅ @lucahaasnhl
🍺

Zane Boodram ✅ @z_bood78
No

Luca Haas ✅ @lucahaasnhl
🧃

Zane Boodram ✅ @z_bood78
Better

Cole @spud_king67876
since this is apparently all anyone is capable of talking about today anyway… what are the odds that this is all actually just a pr stunt?

Evie @projecthailevie
I'm sure I'm going to regret this glimpse into unfiltered insanity but…what?

Cole @spud_king67876
i think they just got caught hooking up. but a committed relationship/wedding looks better than admitting two rival players were hate fucking

Evie @projecthailevie
I….truly don't even know what to make of this

Mac🎧@elder_fansie
at least we're not denying that hockey players could ever possibly be gay anymore. so…progress?

Cole @spud_king67876
obviously hockey players hook up (source: me, who played D1 in college)

Mac🎧@elder_fansie
Wow

Evie @projecthailevie
Twitter user spud_king67876 you truly contain multitudes

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
i was almost unjustly kept from attending this absolute dumpster fire of wedding, so as revenge i will be spending the rest of the evening airing everyone's dirty laundry

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
pls send in your questions, but in the mean time…

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
there's a juice stain on the ceiling of Selena Chouinard's new car that Nick blamed on the kids, but really it was him trying to stick a straw in a capri sun for himself

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
Cassie is way better at barbecuing than Bood. like it's not even a competition.

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
Bergy got drunk after a game in Detroit last season and woke up in the bathtub of Hazy's hotel room surrounded by loose chicken nuggets. we still have no idea where the chicken nuggets came from or how he got into Hazy's room

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
i once watched Rozanov bring a 40-pack of timbits to a tape review meeting and then eat the entire thing by himself

Dunkin' ✅ @DunkinDonuts
No betrayal has ever stung quite like this 😔

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
a couple of months ago Young thought this girl was into him… turns out she was just trying to get him to buy into her pyramid scheme. he still has five boxes of unopened make up products in his apartment

Vinny Young ✅ @vyoung04
BRO ☠️

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
Haasy actually has four tattoos

Luca Haas ✅ @lucahaasnhl
DELETE THIS MY MOTHER FOLLOWS YOU

🌟🌟🌟 @hazyskneepads
@thatsthepointe Why is the wedding a dumpster fire?

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
have you ever been to a wedding that was byoc (bring your own chair)?

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
they're making us rookies sit in child size plastic lawn chairs. my ass is never going to be the same

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
also there's no dj. Harris is fighting for his life trying to keep Dykstra away from the aux

Caitlin Dykstra @catie_dykstra
I'm so sorry for my husband's crimes 😔

tgc was robbed @thefourthheather
@thatsthepointe Pls tell us more about this atrocious wedding I've never been so fascinated

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
Rozanov apparently told Pike's kids they could be 'flower children', but then didn't get any flowers. so they walked down the 'aisle' throwing rolls of stick tape

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
Roz and Hollzy also forgot they were supposed to be exchanging rings, so they quickly took them off when the officiant said it was time and both almost dropped them

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
Rozanov's friend Svetlana was apparently volunteered as bartender because they forgot to get one

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
I'm not complaining about that tho. she's Russian and she pours drinks like it

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
also Rose Landry is here but no one will let me talk to her 😔

rae-rae 👣 @getthispolin
@thatsthepointe What did they say in their vows?? I need to know. For science.

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
they didn't even write them. Roz still cried tho

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
also right after the ceremony they went to 'sign some paperwork' and didn't come back for an hour

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
Rozanov is now trying to convince Pike's kids that it would actually be a super fun game for them to collect all of the recycling

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
I don't know who he thinks he's kidding. no way ruby pike is falling for that shit

audrey @mrslucahaas
How has no one asked lapointe the most important question yet?? @thatsthepointe Do you know how long Hollander and Rozanov have actually been together?

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
no idea. definitely since before Roz came to Ottawa. we have a betting pool going on this so we would also like the answer @rozanov81

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Why are you tagging me in a thread trashing my own wedding?? Were you even invited???

Theo LaPointe ✅ @thatsthepointe
all they do is bully me 😔

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
[Image 1 ID: Newlyweds Shane and Ilya kissing while their wedding guests clap and cheer in the background]
[Image 2 ID: Ilya stands between Yuna and David with Anya cradled in his arms. Anya tries to lick Yuna's face while Ilya and David laugh]
[Image 3 ID: The Centaurs and Harris in their wedding best. Shane and Ilya are at the center of the group, Shane's arm around Ilya's waist]
Ottawa has been pretty good to me💙

Josh🏈 @ _joshprime
there was really no choice but to put rozanov and hollander on the same team, since they've obviously been throwing games for each other since they got together

Josh🏈 @ _joshprime
everyone is asking me to cite my evidence, so fine. here's my statistical analysis proving hollander and rozanov started fixing games 🧵(1/7)

D🫡 @majorpuckup
Okay but this all assumes that they didn't get together until Rozanov's first season in Ottawa? They've never confirmed that timeline

Josh🏈 @ _joshprime
They don't need to. It's literally right there in the stats.

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
[Image 1 ID: Promo shot from the infamous Hollander-Rozanov CCM photoshoot. Shane and Ilya are in the face-off position, looking at each other with matching, intense expressions.]
[Image 2 ID: From the same photoshoot — Ilya and Shane in the same face-off position, now laughing, their helmets resting against each other.]
Life has always been a little brighter with you in it 💙

court ✨ @chiron4president
HI WHAT

hollzee @champayneproblems
WHAT DID HE SAY??!?!?!!?

Shane's Ginger Ale @hollanville

11.05.2020 @hifromsuperhell
does this mean what i think it means????????

argyle @i-suggest-hollanov
THE WHOLE TIME??!?!??!?!

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
the whole time :)

kallie @anya_rozander
me: well the wedding is wrapping up. probably time for bed
hollander: we've been together since 2010. just btw.
me:

chels @shanehollers
Somewhere out there a group of tumblr girlies are feeling very vindicated right now

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
@lucahaasnhl

Luca Haas ✅ @lucahaasnhl
I TOLD YOU IT WAS AN ART BLOG!!! IT WAS NOT ABOUT YOU

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
and what was the art of?

Luca Haas ✅ @lucahaasnhl
…your call cannot be completed as dialed

chels @shanehollers
oh??? my god?????

Josh🏈 @ _joshprime
there was really no choice but to put rozanov and hollander on the same team, since they've obviously been throwing games for each other since they got together

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
My husband would never let me sleep in our bed ever again if he thought I threw a game for him. And I like sleeping with my husband 😘

cj🦇 @themontrealcentaurs
"I like sleeping with my husband" somehow the least insane thing Ilya Rozanov has ever said about Shane Hollander

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
I guess it really was just a pr stunt 😔

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
Noooo moya lyubov give me another chance

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
[This post has been removed for violating our policies on graphic sexual content]

Troy Barrett ✅ @tbarrettofficial
Harris is going to kill you both dead in the morning

pike's #1 opp @hollanovtruther
I AM THE MOST VINDICATED WOMAN IN HISTORY. BOW DOWN FOOLISH MORTALS.

Beckett @boodsbbqs
After the revelation about haas I'm putting money on this one being rozanov's alt

Shane Hollander ✅ @shanehollander24
No, it's not this one.

centaurs era ⛸️ @mfstarboi
HELLO?!?!!?!&!?$??!!

audrey @mrslucahaas
he walks among us?????

Ilya Rozanov ✅ @rozanov81
😉

ruthie @shanesfreckles
okay. so just. in summary. hollanov wedding was fyre festival 2.0, they've been together since before their first NHL season, and luca haas was (allegedly?) a hollanov blogger. I truly don't even know where we go from here

kallie @anya_rozander
never thought I would be the one to say this but I think I rpfed too close to the sun

Yasa Ava 👑 @caethari_aeduria
Yeah I think I'm logging off now. I need 7-12 business days to recover from this

⋆｡the pitt spoilers｡⋆ @apiculturista
I can't believe Hollanov wedding wasn't even the craziest thing to happen on Hollanov wedding day