Chapter Text
Honey, you're familiar
Like my mirror, years ago
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It starts, as it will end, with a Garden.
In this case, the Garden of Eden.
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13.8 Billion Years Later…
It was an utterly ordinary Wednesday, accompanied by the kind of weather London seemed to specialize in, dreary, relentless, and profoundly uninspiring. The heavens hung low beneath a blanket of ashen clouds, while a thin but persistent drizzle descended from morning until dusk, soaking the streets in a perpetual sheen of gray. The air itself carried a biting dampness that crept beneath coats and into bone, making every journey outdoors feel unnecessarily burdensome.
It was the sort of day that discouraged ambition and drained enthusiasm from even the simplest of tasks.
Hardly the ideal occasion for anything productive, especially if it involved lingering for hours behind a counter, enduring impatient customers and endless monotony. On a day like that, true comfort existed in only one place: at home.
But home is not just a house, it is comfort, it is warmth, familiarity, and the quiet reassurance of belonging. A true home carried a feeling that no grand architecture could imitate, a sense of refuge from the harshness of the outside world. And perhaps that feeling became even more precious when it was shared with someone else. Someone who would greet you after an exhausting day with a gentle smile and a steaming cup of hot chocolate cradled between their hands. Someone willing to sit beside you in comfortable silence while the rain whispered endlessly against the windows while sharing the same blanket.
Oh but that was only for the fortunate ones in life.
And Asa Fell did not have any luck, he was imprisoned in his bookstore,by 3 in the afternoon, not achieving any sales success. And this was not something exclusive to that apathetic Wednesday; there had been weeks when his business declined, leaving only a few visits, from customers who enter just to check the availability of books and prices to later compare them on the internet.
In this way, no sales had been made for a long time.
It was evident that technological progress would eventually become a grand rival to traditional literature; what he had never anticipated, however, was how swiftly it would replace physical books.
Amid so many rapid changes in the world that Asa felt incapable of keeping up with; he had nothing more left to do but sigh and watch the gradual decline of the place that had once filled so many years of his life with purpose and meaning.
“I think I'm going to close earlier” He announced, completely hopeless. Maybe it would be better to close during the week, or month. Or perhaps, simply drop everything and start a formal job in a stable company like his parents wanted for him.
“Don't feel bad, there will soon be clients, a bad period doesn't define your business.” Derek said softly. He was a kind old man, gentle and well-intentioned, though he knew very little about business. And he didn't need to, after all he had already retired a few years ago.
His optimism and financial assistance were likely the only reasons the place had managed to remain open for so long. Yet even those resources were not inexhaustible; sooner or later, both his patience and his money would dwindle, and Asa could not continue burdening him with such responsibility forever.
“Just give one more chance.” Derek had much more hope in that place than he did, which was a surprise, because this was his "dream".
Most of the time it was impossible to go against Derek, not because he was a person impossible to argue with, but because he was too caring to be told no, And a few hours or minutes more open wouldn't make any difference, but somehow, it was as if something in him made him give that chance, at least one more time.
So Asa simply speak:
“Alright, but by five we will be closed.” He sighed, putting his keys in his pocket and returning to his post, knowing that longer hours awaited him.
The worst shifts were when there was no movement at all; silence settled heavily over the place, interrupted only by the faint ticking of the clock or the occasional sound of rain tapping against the windows and the minutes seemed to pass more and more slowly. In moments like those, boredom transformed into something far more exhausting than work itself.
It left him alone with wandering thoughts, better known as his greatest enemy.
So, before those thoughts could fully consume him, he sought out some form of distraction to occupy his mind.
And given where Asa was, he found himself surrounded by his preferred refuge: reading. Ironically, contrary to what many might assume, he never grew weary of it, especially not of the classics, such as the novels of Jane Austen, whose works he deeply adored. They had been among the first he insisted on purchasing boxes when he opened his bookstore, even though, regrettably, they sold in disappointingly small numbers.
He could have been a little bitter because of his failed love life, and that was certainly the reason why he took up reading. After all, growing up as a poor, chubby and queer child from the outskirts of London was not easy in any respect.
That’s why it was much easier to escape into fiction, where everything was possible, even for people that keeps an outdated vocabulary and wears tartan like him to have hope in love (which, well, it was rare to find protagonists who didn’t fit a physical standard, but well, you can always insert yourself and dream). Literature accompanied him through both the worst and the merely tolerable moments of his life, helping him endure a difficult high school experience and the emotional strain of his parents’ divorce. Without reading, he wouldn’t know what to do, nor what might have become of him. This was the main reason that motivated him to have his own bookstore, to selflessly help other people find themselves. But they seemed more and more distant and disconnected each day.
At least he tried.
Perhaps he could have brought about greater change by becoming a pastor, as his mother had wished, but by now it was too late for regret.
So, as Asa passed by the place, chose a shelf and picked one of his favorite books (Pride and Prejudice), and opened it at a random page.
“The more I get to know the world, the more I am convinced that I will never see a man whom I can truly love. I need it so much!”
Me too, Jane.
He thought of her as though she were a close friend, and after reading so many of her works, he might even have regarded her in a Platonic sense.
His reading was interrupted when the doorbell finally made a sound.
Before turning around, he just hoped it wasn't another group of teenagers coming to make fun of him (he needed time to recover from the last one to handle the next).
But to his surprise, this time, the image of an adult man appeared, he was tall and skinny, with striking red hair and dark academic clothes, who was visibly nearing his age.
“Uh, excuse me?” Uttered with a slightly hoarse voice.
“Yes, can I help you?” He felt a strangely nervous sensation, only noticed when he went to respond to him, and he found it more difficult to say anything. For a few moments, not long so as not to seem weird, he stared at his face, which seemed so familiar to him. And what bothered him the most was that even though he was good at remembering faces, he couldn't recognize him.
It could just be an impression.
Couldn't it?
“Uh yeah, I was just passing, and I saw the shop open.” With this weather, it was probably the only place open at this hour, A thought. “I was wondering, do you have any books on Astrophysics?” The man continued, fixing his sharp dark brown eyes behind his glasses to Asa. Which strangely made things worse.
“Astrophysis, um…” Well, Asa could even try to act clever by pretending he knew in order to win over the client, but that was far from his area of expertise, so it was better to not try. So, he asked his friend on the other side of the place. “Derek, do we have any books on Astrophysics?”
You took a few moments to give him the answer. “Er, ye–oh, it´s in there, beside Gardening, opposite Philosophy.”
“I knew that.” He tried to act normal, forcing himself to look into the new man's eyes. It was not easy somehow. “Um…This way. Ah here we are. Um, Astrophysics for Everyone: From the Big Bang to the Pillars of the Creation.” He grabbed the first one he found, an old and dusty edition of which he didn't even know how it ended up in his collection. And judging by its condition, it had probably been there for a long while. Poor thing, it was forgotten. "We've had this for years.I think I could probably give it to you for half price.”
“Hm…You have no idea how much that hurts me.” The customer quickly changed his expression.
“Oh–well, did I say something wrong?” Seeing him that way brought Fell a pang of guilt. Was there some problem with the discount? Maybe the amount was still too high? Well, for a man dressed like that, he supposed that ten euros didn't seem like an unnegotiable amount for him.
“No, I shouldn't have said anything, sorry.” Being in a hopeless situation, he took a deep breath before admitting in a low voice. “No um…I wrote it.”
He wrote that book. The exact one he had belittled moments ago.
He can't even imagine how he felt!
He was so dumb for that!
“Oh, oh! Well…Right.” Words never seemed so difficult as at that exact moment. “Yes, you–well, I mean, you don´t want your own book. Probably already got a copy.”
“Two boxes in the garage.”
Both of them laughed, as if trying to gently lift the weight of the moment and soften what had just been said.
Asa still felt bad. Guilt lingered in him as it so often did, familiar and persistent, as though it had long since made a permanent home inside his thoughts. Another instance of it, then, simply joined the growing collection he had learned to carry without protest.
Yet even in that lingering discomfort, those small moments shared with him, however ordinary, however unremarkable they might have seemed from the outside, brought something unexpected. A quiet sense of illumination, subtle and inward, as though a light had been switched on in a room no one else could see.
It was almost like the phrase “let there be light,” though turned inward, private, and deeply personal. And in that fragile brightness, he realized something he rarely allowed himself to acknowledge. Asa had never felt so at ease with someone. Never felt so… comfortable.
Trying at all costs, he tried to distract himself from the feeling, continuing his search for the shelf. He ended up finding another work, this one was enough to break the silence. “Um, well, how about this? Yes, it´s not exactly cutting edge, but…”
“Oh, this is, um, Arthur Eddington's book on Relativity.” The handsome man seemed pretty interested.
“Second edition, I´m afraid.”
“This–I´ve always wanted a copy of this.” Spontaneously, he let out a naturally bright smile that Asa couldn't help but let out a little smile too. “Oh, wonderful, this is my lucky day.”
“Oh, good, mine too.”
Silence.
Never had such an overwhelming silence been heard in the bookshop.
He could feel his face burning with shame.
Why was he acting like that? He was just another client. He could be the only one in weeks, but it did not justify the exaggerated reaction.
“How so?”
“Because I, um…Have a book you want.”
“Fair enough. Oh, 20 pounds, wonderful, thank you.” The red haired man did not show any interest in any other work, and soon headed to the cashier. Unfortunately.
“Er…Did you see we've got a couple of Brian Cox's? And a big book of Astrophysics for Everyone” Derek noticed while looking at the book he was holding.
“No, no, he´s-he´s the author, Derek. He has two boxes in his garage.” Announced adding
“Oh.”
“I definitely shouldn´t have mentioned that.” Lowering his face, he muttered loudly enough to be heard. Poor thing, he was just looking for a book and ended up witnessing the most inconvenient moments of his existence.
“There you´re, enjoy.”
“Well, thank you.” And despite everything, he was able to say goodbye with a bright smile.
He wished he could return the favor in the same way, but when he realized it, the man had already left.
“So, that was professor Anthony Crowley.”
“W-what? How´d you know that?”
“The name with big letters on the book you´re holding.” he wasn't even able to notice this obvious detail. “Well, aren't you going to go after him?”
“Why would I possibly go after him?”
“Well, you liked him.”
He liked the man he just saw? It was a very premature question to be asked.
Does he find him good looking? Yes, it is obvious.
Is he his type? Well, kinda.
“No, things don't work like that.”
It was cute that he was supportive and his sexuality was no problem at all. But no, he was too optimistic. This only worked in books.
“I'm just saying. The boy looked like he liked you too.”
“W-What?”
Asa was so worried about acting like a decent person (and failing miserably and stupidly at it) that he wasn't even able to pay attention to anything else, let alone look into his eyes.
But there was the possibility that he was just being friendly.
“I have eyes.”
Was it so obvious that he couldn’t see it?
he has always been a fool deluded by trivial things of love, so foolish that he wouldn't be able to recognize it in front of him?
Oh Heaven.
It is so confusing.
“Well, it's probably better not to try, he must be far away by now.” The old man was commenting while noticing his wristwatch.
“Oh- yes…” He looked back twice. Or more than that. Seven times maybe? “I´ll just…Just a second.” he was a failure with words.
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He ran without any clear direction, relying only on the faint instincts he had been left with since his departure. Each step felt less like a choice and more like a reflex, as though his body had taken over where his mind had given up on guidance.
Following that fragile intuition, he turned into a narrow side alley, barely noticeable from the main street. And yet, as if irony itself had decided to intervene, it was precisely there that he was, just a few steps ahead of him.
“Oi–I mean, excuse me, stop!”
He didn't know what to say, but he was satisfied enough to make Crowley turn back. “Oh, sorry, did I leave something? Is everything okay?” Poor thing, he looked so cute while worried that it hurts. When the man looked down and captured his own book, he glanced. “Oh…I told you, two boxes–”
“No, I know.Hum…Sorry, a bit puffed. Um, no, I bought it. Would you–could you sign it for me?”
“Oh. Of course. What´s your name?”
“Asa Fell.”
“Oh, great.” He paused a little. “Um, do you have a…”
“Oh yes, sorry.” As he was forgetful, bringing a book to be signed without a pen, his luck was just always having one in his jacket pocket. “I need you to write your number down too, for me. So I can ask you to dinner.” With a trembling voice, he spoke up, immediately regretting having said it, slowly shrinking his posture, correcting his tragic mistake. And…You´ll say no, and, um…But at least I'll have asked”
“I'm not going to give you my number.” Anthony spoke firmly.
“No no no, sorry. Of course you don't." He knew it wasn’t worth trying, why risk it? The answer was obvious, nothing works like in the books. Of course he was just being gentle!
And now he would have to deal with another rejection.
“I´ll wait for you.” He continued. “Where are we having dinner?”
“Wait…What?” Asa couldn't believe his ears, his eyes, he couldn't believe reality itself.
“Sorry, I may have spoken softly. Where would you like to go?”
“Uh–well, I think it's better-uh... Can it be in a pub? I heard about a new one around here. It´s called The Devonshine.”
“Great. So there will be.”
He said goodbye, uncertain of what to do next after having arranged the date (after all, he had never reached this point before). Still, with several hours left until seven, he reasoned that he could return and finish his shift. And so, gathering himself, he turned and walked in the opposite direction.
“Ey! You forgot the book!”
And he kept failing.
“Oh–Oh! I'm so sorry!”
“Well, don't forget about the date too.”
“Yes, uh- never.” Was the last thing he said.
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“So did you manage to talk to him? Derek was waiting for him at the entrance of his bookshop.
“No, I mean–Yes.” he was so spoiled that the sentence came out of his mouth ready.
“So how was it?”
“I think…I have a date.”
“Do you think or do you have?”
“I have.”
“Oh wonderful! I really expected that you guys would get along. When you reach a certain age, certain things become obvious to the eyes. And you two match.” Ande this time he was pretty right.
“It's too early to say something like that. Anyway, I still have one more hour ahead.”
“Dont worry about that, boy. You need to get ready for tonight.”
“And what about the bookshop?”
“I can take care of it for you, I have a copy of the key.”
“That...would be great. Thank you.”
By that time, no more clients would come, so he decided to take a break for the first time in a while. There must have been an important reason for it, right?
So he left Derek and went towards his residence, which was literally next to his workplace, having only a back door to go through.
.
Asa hadn't felt this nervous in a long time. After all, his last date was... Two years ago? And it was something quick, because he got ghosted the next day.
He just hoped that this wouldn't happen again. This time, but if it did happen, it wouldn't be a surprise.
But there was something about Crowley. Something he couldn’t quite explain.
Anthony wasn’t a complete stranger, and that was what unsettled him the most.
No matter how hard Asa searched through the corners of his memory, nothing surfaced. Not a presentation, not a voice, not even a distant moment they might have shared. And yet, the familiarity in the man’s face was impossible to ignore.
It lingered in his mind like the shadow of a forgotten dream, close enough to recognize but too far to grasp. His eyes, the subtle curve of his expression, even the way he carried himself awakened a strange sense of nostalgia within him. It was as if his mind remembered what his memory refused to reveal.
There would be time for answers later (if fate allowed it). Right now, it was still too early, and he had more pressing matters to attend to. So, forcing the mystery to the back of his mind, he straightened himself and continued preparing, though the stranger’s face refused to leave his thoughts.
There's something tragic about you.
I don't know what. But you're familiar to me.