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Blue was dead.
Ink had to remember that. He needed to. Dream had an upset look on his face whenever Ink brought Blue up in conversation.
Ink grimaced as he wrote it down on the end of his scarf.
Looking through his newer pile of sketches, they were of his favorite memories of Blue. Dream had once suggested drawing Blue as a way to deal with the loss. It helped somewhat, but Ink’s first instinct after a finished drawing was to show it off to Dream and ramble on about the details. Then Ink would get distracted and at some point say “I wonder if I got his eyelights right, I should go show him and ask”
This is where Dream would have to remind Ink, then Ink would repeat the cycle of writing it down, drawing Blue, forget, then try to go and find him.
There were other Underswap Sanses of course. There were thousands of copies. Ink and Dream both agreed that they wouldn't replace their friend. It didn’t sit right. It wouldn't be the same.
Ink missed Blue. He missed Blue so much.
Ink had never had to deal with a loss like this. He had never been so close with anyone like he was with Blue. Blue knew Ink inside and out, and Ink knew Blue the same way.
Days felt quieter at the Star Sans base. Ink hadn’t really called it a base and more of a home recently. With Dream and Nightmare on good terms, there was no need to hide or plan for fighting.
Ink only visited his doodle sphere when he needed too.
He couldn't stand seeing different versions of Blue smiling without him.
Ink loved making Blue smile. It used to inspire him with creative energy that lasted for days. Now whenever he thought about it, it sent him into a depression.
For the longest time Ink couldn't place the feeling, when he took almost a whole vial of blue. He thought it was art burnout. Dream explained it to him as depression.
Ink laughed at it.
“HA! Dream you really are funny! I can't be depressed, I’m soulless I can't be depressed I have my vials-”
“That you keep taking because you miss him. It’s okay to miss him. I know you don’t have a real soul but I know you still feel guilty, you're depressed, you're showing all the signs.. I want you to understand that it's okay to be conflicted over losing a loved one. You and blue were as close as a god and a mortal can be.. I miss him too, but I think it's affecting you more than you're willing to admit.”
Ink didn’t talk to Dream for a week after that. He didn’t like being called out.
Chara in Blue’s Universe never reset. They refused to after months of Ink begging them to. They had lost the ability after the last pacifist run and the au had continued on in peace and they didn't want to find a way to get it back. It was what Blue had wanted, and eventually Ink gave up and had to accept he couldn't get his Blue back.
Even if the Underswap Chara had the reset still, if you die outside your AU your gone for good
Ink knew Error missed Blue too. Ink couldn't talk to Error about it though. The times he's tried Error would get upset and it would roll into them fighting again. Ink was tired of fighting.
Ink had been getting tired of everything recently. His friends had noticed and tried to help but he brushed them off.
“If you want to help me, bring back my Blue. Not a variant. MY Blue”
Which is what brought him to where he was now.
In a field of Forget Me Nots. These flowers were one of Blue’s favorites. Said he liked the meaning of them. So over time they had become Ink’s favorite too.
Ink was on his side poking at the blue flowers. Thinking about how lonely he was. He wanted Blue back. More than anything. It was killing him.
Not that he could die. He wishes he could. Then, he could be with Blue again. Ink once tried to invade the afterlife a few times but he was caught by Reaper and was quickly chased out and banned from anything that remotely related to the afterlife. Ink tried again twice before Reaper enlisted Error for help to keep Ink out.
Ink plucked one flower from the ground and rolled onto his back with a sigh. He held the flower up and stared at it.. like he was waiting for an answer, waiting for it to fix all his problems.
Blue coming back would help for one, but that can't happen. His Blue can’t come back. He’s gone for good. His code was erased from his AU. Like he never existed, only memories remained.
That's all Ink had. Memories.
Even those were slipping from his grasp.
He had his notes, he had his drawings, but he felt they weren't accurate. The smile was always slightly off. That was Blue’s best feature. Before, Ink would pull Blue out of his AU so he could perfect it.
Sure Ink had a phone, he took pictures all the time. He loses the damn thing hourly so he left it with Dream to keep safe.
Blue used to keep it for him. Blue remembered the passcode too.
It was useless to Ink now. As was everything else in his life.
Fwoop
The sound of a portal opening and closing broke Ink out of his depression induced trance.
He looked to his right to see Error. Normally Ink would've geared up to fight. With no one to fight for or over, Ink stayed in the grassy flower bed.
“Hi Error..” He quietly greeted
“W-WhAt? nO enThUsia-sm Left FOr me?” The Glitch huffed as he walked over to stand over the protector
“I’m out of yellow.. It doesn't seem right to take more.. I have no reason to, now that he’s.. Gone..”
The two don’t say anything for the next few minutes. They've had this argument before and it doesn't feel worth starting.
“Don’t say it..”
Error rolled his eyelights and said it anyway “yOUr Not The o-Only one that MIsses him.. He was my Friend too” The last part was quieter.
Ink didn't respond. He knew. Error and Blue got along famously.
It made Ink envious? Jealous? He couldn't place it
Error had kidnapped Blue and kept him for months. The two went from total strangers to best friends that no one understood. Blue had even talked Error into destroying AUs at a slower pace. Not a complete stop but it was enough to keep up with and maintain a balance that Ink had never understood till Blue helped him to.
Blue was amazing at talking. A master at talking it out. Really Ink and Dream should've thrown Blue at Nightmare and his gang. That would've saved them from hundreds of lost battles.
“What's your point Error? Can’t I just sulk? Nothing I do can bring him back. He’s gone. Forever. No RESET. No OVERWRITE. Gone. So can you save me the argument and let me suffer in my flowers” Ink pleaded, throwing his arms up in the air and letting gravity take over, dropping his arms to the ground.
“WEl-lll that iS my Po-oint. B-Blue iS GoNE. He woULNT wAnt tHIS. Blue would be so incre-edibly distraught T-To sEe yOU So depr-reSsed. He’d waNT y-ou to sMiLe, M-Aake mOre arT, def-fend tHOse uselESS c-cOpiEs of tHe AU’s you love s-s-so MuCh. If you'rE goINg to b-be imM-morTal th-THen enj-joy it. LiVe the l-life Blue wo-uld WAnt for you.”
Ink sat up and turned to look at Error. “That's.. That's the most emotional thing I’ve ever heard you say, very out of character.”
Error scoffed “Y-YOu MeAn the SMartest” The destroyer stepped to the side and sat next to Ink, putting a noticeable distance, but still the closest the two have ever been without trying to kill each other.
“Did Nightmare tell you that? I know you've been staying at his place since Blue died”
Error’s face flushed yellow and he growled at Ink “DOESNT- DoesNT MaTTEr whERE I got I-tt. wHAT MAttERS It thAT I-I’m RIght. You N-Neeed tO Cope. whATever youRE D-doiNG Isn’t gOOD and BLue would B-BE sad”
Ink hugged his legs to his chest. Error was right but Ink didn’t want to say so. Ink would never admit when Error was right. Blue was never able to get Ink to break on that. Still Error was right and Ink had to deal with it.
“Did you love him?”
Error raised a brow “Wh-at? WH-where did thIs CoMe FRom?”
“Blue. Did you love him?”
Error shook his head “Y-yes but nOt LikE yOu D-dId. NOt aS MuCh As You DId”
Ink put his hand on his chest “I’m soulless, I can’t love anyone. I didn’t love him. I can’t-”
Error let out a loud exaggerated groan. Startling Ink “What??”
“iNK. YOu have your own way of loving. You never needed that damn soul to show it. You lOVE aRt. YOu love your frIeNds. You LOved Blue, and you're st-still grIEvi-ng tHaT he's GoNe. THe sOOner y-you accept that the sooner alL thi-ss will get easier. It’s s-Sooo annoying watching you mope around day in and d-day out.” Error sounded.. Genuine. Something Ink never thought possible with Error. This must've been what Blue tried to explain to Ink about Error. Error was actually.. Error was a good friend. A part of Ink regretted not trying to get to know Error in the past. Right now is the calmest the two have ever been with each other. Ink wished Blue could see them. He would be so proud.
“Then.. What do I do now?” Ink asked, looking at Error for answers.
“ThE fUCk If i knOW. dO WhaTevEVR. MOve on. It’s OKay tO m-miSS Him. JUst don’t FORget about him. THat’s tHe b-bEst thing you C-can Do nOw.”
Ink wanted to argue with Error but there was no point. Arguing was something easy, it was familiar but he knew that would lead him nowhere.
So they sat there in silence. Resting with the flowers. Ink went back to laying on his back looking up at the sky. Error stayed where he was and picked flowers, attempting to make a flower crown. It wasn't very good but Ink wasn’t going to comment on it.
Though Ink still didn’t believe that he loved Blue like Error said he did
.
.
Over the next couple of weeks it became a routine for the two. Ink would get depressed, go to the flower field, Error would show up, they’d talk then sit there for a few hours until one of them had to leave for whatever reason.
It was nice. Ink never had to deal with a loss like this, he didn’t know how to deal with it so having Error going through the same thing helped. It was strange though. His arch enemy helping him through the loss of a mutual friend. Ink wouldn’t complain, he didn’t want to lose this either.
When they did talk they would usually talk about Blue. Memories, things Blue liked, things he didn’t like, what they missed most about him. Error always gave Ink a look when he talked about how much he liked Blues smile. Ink figured Error just thought he was weird.
Error had said he liked how understanding Blue was. Blue was easy to talk to. Ink agreed with that and avoided bringing up the fact that Error had abducted Blue in order to figure that out.
Now it’s been 2 years and 3 months since Blues passed.
Ink and Error were still meeting up and talking. It got easier to talk to Error about it over time.
Though Dream expressed his concerns. Multiple times. Right now even.
“Ink I just don’t know why you would rather talk to Error over me. We’re on the same team, I miss Blue too” Dream expressed with a whine. The two were in the kitchen of Dreams cottage/Old Star base. Neither of them spent their time here in the past. Ink didn’t need to eat, Dream rarely needed to eat real food. Positive feelings were enough to sustain him. Though in the past they would always eat what Blue made. Ink figured Dream ate with Blue because he knew Blue would worry if he didn’t. Ink did for similar reasons. Ink would only eat what Blue would make, nothing else was good enough to Ink.
Ink and Dream had ended up in the kitchen to see if they could try to make tacos the same way Blue did. They had been at this for a while and couldn’t seem to get it exact. Ink would've asked Stretch for Blue’s recipe book but.. Stretch essentially banned Ink and Dream from the AU after Ink harassed Chara. Which was fine with Ink. Stretch and Ink never got along anyway.
“Ink!”
Ink jumped startled “What?? What I do?” Ink turned from the mess of tomatoes and lettuce and looked at Dream who seemed visibly upset.
“Are you even listening to me?” Dream pouted putting his hands on his hips
“I usually don't,” Ink joked, smiling. He actually was but he was ignoring Dream, he didn’t want to talk about Error today and it was annoying that Dream kept bringing it up. “What uh- What were you saying?” Please change the topic
“I miss Blue, you miss Blue. Why can’t we talk about it??” Dream fought back a yawn, staring at him as Ink noticed how tired he looked. For someone named Dream, he didn’t get a lot of sleep.
Ink turned away from Dream, cleaning up the mess he made with the food. “Because I don’t want to talk about it with you. You don’t understand”
“Ink. I’m immortal too. I’ve lost people too. Blue was my friend too. I understand! We're the same in this!”
“No we’re not!” Ink slammed his hands on the counter “We’re different! Stop telling me we’re the same!”
Ink turned to Dream, his version of anger in his voice. “You have a soul Dream. You don’t understand what it’s like to not feel anything then suddenly be upset and confused that your best friend is gone! I don’t want to talk to you about it! I’m tired of you trying to fix me! I don’t need fixing.. Blue is gone and I can’t do anything about it! I’m doing healthy things and talking to Error about it. Why do you have a problem with that?!”
Dream sniffed, sounding like he was trying not to cry “You’re my friend Ink! I want to be there for you! I want to be useful to you..”
Ink calmed down a little at this, his shoulders relaxed and he sighed. “Dream.. Just cause I’m talking to Error about Blue that doesn't mean I value you less. Error and I just… It's easier with Error.. Do.. Do you not have someone to talk to about it? Is that why?..”
Dream looked away “I.. I have Nightmare.. He wasn’t close with Blue he wouldn't know. I thought we’d be able to talk about it but you’ve been avoiding me when I try to bring it up and it.. It hurts.. I feel like I’m losing you too.. I don’t think I could handle that..”
Ink.. Ink was guilty about this. He didn’t know Dream was still struggling with Blue’s passing. Ink thought only he and Error were still affected.. Ink saw himself as a shitty friend. He needed to fix this.
“Dream.. Sorry I’m stupid. I should've figured you’d be hurt. I forget that feelings hurt you.. You actually have feelings.. I..”
Dreams golden eyelights went fuzzy as tears fell. He sniffed and wiped them away. “N-no.. I shouldn’t have brought it up-”
Ink shook his head and grabbed Dreams shoulders “No. You should’ve. It was good you did, I didn’t know I was hurting you. I don’t want to hurt you. So in our own way, we can figure out how to heal.. I would be a bad friend if I healed on my own and left you to figure it out by yourself” Ink smiled tilting his head hoping Dream understood.
Dream smiled back and hugged Ink. “Thank you Ink. I won’t force you to talk about Blue, I just don’t want you to forget about me.”
Ink hesitated but hugged back “I won’t.”
They hugged for another minute or two before pulling apart and put their focus back into the food. To which they soon gave up because neither of them knew how to cook.
.
.
Another month passed. Ink was… Better. He doesn’t think about Blue every hour of every day. Still daily but he was better about it.
It was a nice day out. Ink hummed a soft tune as he sketched out the sky, doing his best to commit the soft orange and yellows of the rising sun.
Ink was in his and Error hangout/therapy spot. The same Forget Me Not flower field was just a little ways ahead. Ink had found a patch of plain grass to sit on so he could sketch the flowers from afar with the sky on the horizon. It was beautiful. Ink wished Error hadn’t had other plans today or else he’d call him.
“So.. this is where Error disappears too”
Ink tensed up. That voice..
Ink narrowed his eye sockets, in no way shape or form he was close with Nightmare. He only tolerated the negative guardian for Dreams sake “Nightmare. What do you want?”
Nightmare chuckled a small smirk on his face “Ah ever so hostile. I’m only exploring nicer AU’s, I’m allowed to do that. With the truce and all”
“Doesn’t make you any less suspicious.. Again Nightmare, why are you here? Flowers aren’t really your hobby” Ink never liked Nightmare. Ink wasn’t going to even start liking him just because there was a truce in place.
Nightmare nodded “True, I don’t care for gardening. That’s Horror’s interest.” Nightmare paused to look around “I just wanted to see what Error liked so much about this AU that he kept visiting. I didn’t expect to find you of all people here”
Ink side eyed Nightmare as he tried to go back to his drawing before the sky changed. Grabbing out his colored pencils he began scribbling “Error and I can both enjoy the AU. We’re under our own truce. I don’t see what your issue is”
Nightmare clenched his fist, looking like he was trying to hold himself back, this made Ink smile. At the start of the apple twins truce Dream had made Nightmare promise he wouldn't attack Ink unless it was an emergency, Ink saw this as an opportunity to rage bait Nightmare as much as he could whenever Dream made the two interact. Though right now Ink knew it was not a good time.
“My issue is I don't like my partner spending so much time here with the likes of you.. Alone.” Nightmare growled, standing up straight and casting an accusing glare at Ink.
Ink did his best to hold in a laugh. He dropped his colored pencils and covered his mouth “Oh you think- Ha!” Ink shook his head “No no! Error and I are just on good terms! It’s so funny that you think- pfftt”
“This is not funny protector..” Nightmare grimaced as Ink let out a laugh.
“It so is! Nightmare you of all people should know how head over heels Error is for you. Whenever Error and I aren't sitting here talking about Blue he’s rambling on about how in love he is with you. He could talk on and on about how lovingly you treat him. It’s so mushy and lovey dovey that I can’t even begin to understand it. Even if Error won’t say it, I’m pretty sure he and I are becoming friends. So no Nightmare, I do not want your man. He’s alllll yours.” Ink smiled as he watched the negative guardian mentally process his wrong assumptions.
“Jeez and people say I jump to conclusions” Ink joked while Nightmare rolled his eyelight at him.
“Don’t tell Error.”
“I won’t but you have to tell me why you thought the love of your life was cheating on you” Ink grinned as he motioned for Nightmare to sit.
Nightmare sighed and complied. “Not that you need or have earned any right to know.. I don’t feel that I’m good enough for Error and I was worried he’d leave me. So.. I might've been stalking him whenever he left home.. That’s when I noticed you two have been hanging out in this AU regularly.”
“So you thought Error would rather hangout with me over being with you??”
Nightmare’s tentacles wiggled and waved about dramatically as if saying ‘yes’. “I’m not answering that”
Ink chuckled “I don’t understand love. It looks too messy and complicated most of the time. I don’t know why Error seems to like it so much”
Nightmare paused for a second “Oh? I thought you and Blue had something?”
Shocked Ink sputtered “Huh?? No! Blue and I were just friends! I didn’t- I can’t.. I couldn't love him back.”
“So he did love you. Killer owes me money” Nightmare noted with a laugh
“Hey! Don’t bet on my non-existent love life!” Ink protested as Nightmare smirked
“Hey it gets boring now without multiversal battles every week. I have to do something to keep my idiots entertained”
“Have you tried a tablet? I heard those work well”
“Those four are full grown adults.. Plus, Killer wouldn't share” Nightmare tried to hide his smile from the fact that he actually tried the tablet and it caused actual fights before he took it away.
Ink laughed quite a bit. Just the idea of the super serious group of murders fighting over ipad screen time.
“I’ll take my leave then, I’m sure you want time to think about how you ‘didn’t love’ the underswap sans” Nightmare stood up with a shit eating grin then teleported away.
Right.. Ink forgot that they were talking about that.
It didn’t make sense to Ink. He didn’t love Blue. He. Didn’t.
Why did he regret it?
Because Blue was dead and he could never give him an answer.
Blue had asked Ink to meet him in his AU for a picnic! Ink had been looking forward to it as it had been awhile since all three of them got to hang out as a trio! So Ink had gotten there early much to the surprise of Blue.
“Ink! You're early! Usually I have to go find you.” Blue smiled as Ink put his arms up pulling Blue into a hug.
“Why of course Bluey! I had to get here before Dream! He thinks he’s winning with being early alllll the time. So! I’m here first I win.” Ink celebrated and let go of Blue, looking around at where they were. Red and white picnic blanket on the ground in the sice shade of the big willow tree. “Ooooh! This is nice! I’ll have to sketch this later, the surface of your AU is always so pretty!” Ink looked at Blue and smiled wide.
Blue nodded, smiling back just the same.. Though something seemed off about his friend. He was shuffling from side to side as he looked nervous about something.
“Uhm. Blue wheres Dream? Shouldn't he be here too?” Ink questioned as he looked behind Blue, noticing a bouquet of flowers behind the large picnic basket.
“O-Oh! Dream is.. He had something else to do sooo it’s just us! Here sit sit! I’ll get the stuff out. I made something that I wanted you to try” Blue boasted smiling then turned away to dig through the basket.
Ink hesitantly sat down, starting to notice small things. There were small hearts woven into the blanket, Blue was nervous, blue brought out sandwiches that were cut into the shape of hearts, the large bouquet of Ink recent favorite flowers mixed with Forget Me Nots.. Blue was really nervous..
“Blue” Ink said suddenly after a few minutes of blue rummaging around
Blue’s eyelights shot to Inks
“Why am I here?”
Ink watched a drop of sweat run down Blue’s skull. “F-for a picnic silly!”
“Blue..” Ink said his name a bit more sternly now. Ink really hoped this wasn't going where he thought this was going.
Blue blushed a bright blue “Alright I Confess!” Blue covered his face, and confessed all of his feelings for Ink.
Ink tuned it all out. This was bad. One of his best friends loved him and he couldn’t express that same love back. Ink watched as Blue talked and explained how long he had felt this way towards Ink. How much he admired Ink. How much he respected and cared for Ink. How much he..
“.. and.. I love you Ink. I love you so much it hurts. Dream helped me plan this, we thought it would be easier to get you here if you thought it was all three of us.” Blue looked up at Ink with the biggest smile he could muster, even with the nerves and the light blue blush that covered Blue’s entire face.
“I..” Ink didn’t know how to respond. He knew he was supposed to reject Blue here.. But he didn’t want to. He knew if he entered a one sided relationship it would hurt Blue.. Rejecting Blue seemed just as hurtful…
“Ink?..” Blue said his name so carefully as he looked at him waiting for an answer.
“I have to go” With that Ink ran off, opened a portal and disappeared.
Blue and Ink didn't talk for a while after that. Ink was ashamed for not giving Blue an answer and Blue was so embarrassed and disheartened he didn’t want to face Ink.
Overtime Ink and Blue came to an agreement that Ink would think about it. Blue agreed that he would wait for Ink’s answer.
If only Ink gave him one.
Blue died without Inks' answer.
Ink wished he could return Blue’s love. That’s all he wanted now.
.
.
Now Ink was standing at Blue’s grave in Underswap. As long as Ink didn’t get caught by Stretch, he could spend hours here.
Ink held a freshly plucked bouquet of Forget Me Nots. Hugging them carefully he set them down in front of the gravestone.
He read the engraved words.
Sans
“Blue”
Beloved Brother
Friend to all
Ink would’ve made the grave stone much bigger but stretch said it would've been too much. Ink argued that Blue would’ve appreciated a little bit of a dramatic flare.
Sighing, Ink sat down next to the headstone. “I wish I could take you to the flower field, You would've loved it. A whole field of your favorite flowers.. Too bad I found it after you died..”
“You were right about Error and Nightmare. Their a thing now. Nightmare’s suuuper jealous too. He once got jealous because I was taking up his Glitchy time. I bet you had called Error out on his crush, You were always good at figuring out who liked who..” Ink smiled softly
“Sucks you waited for me. You had better options than me. So many options. Except Dust. I was not letting that ship happen, he’s toxic as hell. It’s good Horror got to him before you realised Dust had some small crush on you. You called them something… Oh their ship name you guessed it once.. Houst? Dusorror..? No.. Oh! Horrordust! It’s not the most life changing name but it was funny to point at them and call them that.. I’ve done that to Error and Nightmare. I followed Dream once when he was visiting his brother and yelled ‘Errormare’ at them. Haha! They didn't like that.. Dream put me in the corner. You should've seen it!”
Ink turned to look at Blue thinking he was there, only to be faced with the familiar sight of the grave stone.
“Right.. Dead as dust..” Ink sighed and curled up, leaning his back against the grave
“I miss you Blue.. I think.. I think I love you.. I’m sorry I never told you.. I’m sorry you had to die in order for me to figure that out.” Ink face felt warm to the touch and wet? Ink looked at his hand. He was crying. At the realization Ink just burst into tears just sobbing into his hands.
“I love you Blue..I’m so sorry you’ll never know that I do”
.
.
Hours later Ink woke up to a light breeze. It felt like a nice big hug, the wind kicked up for a moment before dying down and eventually stopped.
Ink smiled warmly.
Summoning broomie, he used his brush as leverage to stand up. “Ughh my bones I feel so old” Ink mumbled, still smiling though.
With a swipe of his brush on the ground Ink looked at Blues grave. “See you later Blue!” Then jumped in the puddle of black ink.