Archive of Our Own

They were only three months out from Erid when disaster struck.

Tensions had been high on the ship as their destination approached and their supplies dwindled. Grace had honestly thought that the ship’s food supply would have run out long ago, especially now that Simon had joined them, but Simon had apparently come from a universe where resources were scarce and everyone was constantly on the verge of starvation. He knew ways to make their supplies stretch that Grace never could have even imagined.

Still, things were extremely tight, and with it had come quick tempers and distracted thinking. Simon had been handling it alright, but Grace was becoming more volatile by the day, snapping at him and Rocky one minute, and breaking down into tears the next. He couldn’t seem to stay awake for more than a few hours anymore, and he’d grown too weak and clumsy to keep up with anything beyond the most basic tasks. Simon had taken on as much as he could, but he was already down an arm, and he seemed reluctant to touch anything on the ship unless he was given explicit permission. Thus Rocky had to be the one to handle most things for them.

That was fine. Rocky’s entire job on the Blip-A had been maintaining the ship, so it wasn’t that big of a stretch for him to do the same for the Hail Mary. But fixing up the ship required that he had better access to it, which meant building more xenonite tunnels in a rush, and repeated excursions through the ship in his little xenonite ball. Rocky was very, very good at what he did, but even he couldn't circumvent the forces of regular wear and tear on his equipment.

Thus, one day, as he was transferring between his tunnels and the xenonite ball, the seal broke.

Thank god they had all been together in the lab when it happened. Grace had been slumped over one of the lab tables, staring down at a notebook without really seeing it, while Simon had been taking a brief nap curled up in the lab’s cupola window. Rocky had just finished up with something in the Hail Mary’s systems corridor and was trying to hop into his ball to move onto the next task. He was halfway through the transfer when the seal between them suddenly gave, dumping Rocky out into their atmosphere.

The second he landed, he started shrieking, smoke already pouring off of his body as he immediately started to burn.

Grace’s head whipped up, eyes going wide in horror. “No!” he screamed, stumbling off of his lab stool. He tried to run towards Rocky, but his sudden movement combined with his weakened  body left him dizzy, and he accidentally tripped over one of the tracks on the floor and went sprawling.

The smell of ammonia, sulfur, and something resembling burning rubber filled the air. Rocky’s screams were so high pitched it was almost impossible to hear them with human ears as he stumbled to the side. His legs reached desperately for his xenonite ball, but he’d knocked it aside when he’d fallen out of his tunnel, and it had rolled halfway across the lab. He turned towards his tunnel instead, but already he was growing weaker, and this particular tunnel opening was elevated. It was too far overhead for him to reach with his grasping claws. Grace saw him grab for it once, twice, and miss both times.

Grace scrambled back up to his feet. He didn’t know exactly what he’d do to help — he couldn’t lift Rocky even before he’d started to lose muscle mass thanks to food rationing — but he had to do something. He stumbled his way across the lab towards Rocky’s side.

Before he could reach Rocky, however, Simon did.

He surged out of nowhere, wrapping his one arm firmly around Rocky’s body without hesitation. Despite the way that his flesh must have been burning with the contact, Simon just grit his too-sharp teeth and leaned back, the muscles in his thighs bulging with the strain. To Grace’s shock, he actually managed to lift Rocky off of the ground, pushing him towards the opening in the xenonite tunnel.

The moment Rocky could reach it, he dragged himself back inside. The tunnel was still hanging open, however, venting his atmosphere into their own. Grace’s head darted around in a panic, before spotting Rocky’s xenonite ball nearby. He rushed towards it, grabbing it and pushing it with all of his strength back towards the tunnel. As soon as he was close enough, Rocky reached through the opening, grabbed the handles on the ball, and pulled it tight against the tunnel. There was a sharp whistling sound as the flow of air grew tight, and then it abruptly cut off into silence as the seal was restored.

For a moment, they all stood there, breathing hard. Grace’s heart was racing like he’d just run a marathon, even though all he’d done was retrieve the ball. The air in the lab reeked, the scent of ammonia not strong enough to overpower the smells of burning flesh. Grace stared at both Rocky and Simon in dismay, noting the burns that now covered both of their bodies.

“Rocky?” he called out quietly. “Simon? A-are you guys…?”

It took Rocky a few seconds to shift, but he eventually managed to raise one of his arms to give Grace a thumbs down. Grace sagged in relief. Good, it seemed that Rocky’s exposure to their air had been brief enough that he wasn’t as injured as last time. Still, Grace could feel the way his hands were shaking as he turned towards Simon next.

The moment Rocky had been safely returned to his tunnels, Simon had dropped to the floor, panting and leaning heavily against the lab capsule’s wall. Terrified, Grace moved to kneel next to him, reaching out to take Simon’s hand so he could inspect it. It took him a few tries to even get his fingers to brush around Simon’s own. For some reason they weren’t listening to him.

“Ryland,” Simon said softly. When Grace continued to try to grab him, Simon repeated himself louder. “Ryland.”

“Y-you’re hurt,” Grace stuttered. Growing frustrated, he gave up on trying to grasp Simon’s hand, and instead reached out with the back of his wrist to clumsily nudge Simon’s arm to the side to get a better look at the skin of his inner forearm where the burns would be the worst. He let out a pained hiss when he saw how red and raw the flesh looked, parts of it already starting to bubble and blister. And yet, given how hot Grace knew Rocky ran, the burn was surprisingly milder than expected.

“I’m fine,” Simon said, his voice much less gruff than usual. “I’ve had worse.”

“Y-you should still get that checked out,” Grace insisted, his eyes locked on Simon’s wounds. “You…you need to get that checked out. You’re hurt.”

And yet, despite the fact that his brain was screaming at him to get up, to help Simon back to the dormitory so that Armando could take a look, he couldn’t get his body to move. He was frozen in place, staring at Simon’s arm. His vision was starting to get a little dark around the edges, but he couldn’t even blink.

“Ryland?” Simon murmured softly.

Grace opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out.

He saw Simon shift, moving from sitting on the ground to kneeling. His arm had dropped out of Grace’s line of sight, but Grace didn’t turn his head. He simply rested there on the ground, frozen in place. The smell of ammonia was burning his nose, making his eyes sting and his stomach churn.

“Ryland?” Simon said again, sounding concerned. “You’re shaking. You okay?”

“Fine,” Grace wheezed. It felt like someone had wrapped iron bands around his chest, making it impossible to take in a full breath of air.

“You don’t look fine,” Simon told him. Grace saw Simon’s hair swinging out of the corner of his eye. “Shit. Rocky, what about you? Are you okay?”

Rocky’s chirps were so quiet that the laptop on the lab bench couldn’t pick them up to translate.

“He says he’s okay,” Grace told Simon. He heard a few more quiet notes from Rocky, and added, “He says he just needs to rest. He’s okay. He’s okay.”

Slowly Grace managed to lift his head, even just a few inches. It felt like he was trying to fight against the same g-forces he’d experienced shortly after their escape from Adrian — oh god it was happening again, Rocky was hurt again, Grace was pinned in place and he couldn’t move and Rocky had sacrificed himself to save him and the air smelled of ammonia and burning chemicals and Rocky was burning Rocky was burning Rocky was dying — but he looked up high enough to finally spot Rocky.

Rocky had slipped further down his tunnel until he’d reached the point closest to the ground. Closest to Grace. He was mostly slumped over, but one of his little claws was pressed against the xenonite glass, tapping out a simple rhythm against it.

Grace rushed to press his own hand against the other side of the barrier. He tapped a few times, but his hands were trembling too much to do a full rhythm. Rocky chirped quietly, his voice barely audible through the xenonite.

<Rocky sleep now. need rest. need rest to heal. Grace watch, question?>

“Yeah, buddy,” Grace choked out past the lump in his throat. “Of course. You get your rest. You look like you need it.”

Rocky sang a few notes that didn’t quite translate into anything specific other than a general expression of contentment. And then he folded his legs up under himself and settled in to sleep.

The moment his body went still, Grace felt his heart lurch in his chest. What if Rocky had just been trying to make Grace feel better? What if he’d been more injured than he’d realized? Sure, this time he’d only been exposed to their atmosphere for a few seconds, but what if the damage compounded? What if he’d been barely holding on after the last time he’d broken out of his tubes to rescue Grace, and this was the final thing that tipped him over the edge? What if Rocky wasn’t sleeping at all, but dying?!

The room started spinning. Something was making a strange, high-pitched wheezing sound, and it took Grace far too long to realize it was him. He meant to try to stand, but his legs felt weak beneath him, and he ended up collapsing down against Rocky’s tube, pressed up against where Rocky was resting.

“ —land? Ry?”

Through the haze of his panic, Grace felt a hand land tentatively on his shoulder for a second. Startled, he drew in a sharp breath and whirled around. His wide eyes landed on Simon, who was crouched right next to him, looking unnerved. He’d let go of Grace the second he’d moved, his hand now hovering awkwardly in the air like he didn’t know what to do with it.

“S-sorry,” Simon stuttered out. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Grace barely heard him, too busy staring in surprise. Simon had been here on the Hail Mary long enough now that he was growing more comfortable with physical touch — a nudge of the shoulder here when they passed each other in the corridors, a brush of fingertips there when Grace handed over a cup of coffee — but he was still very slow to instigate it himself. Grace had been trying to give Simon his space, give him time to acclimatize, but it had been so, so hard. Simon was the first human contact he’d had in years, and he hadn’t realized how desperately he’d missed something as simple as a human touch until he finally had it back. He counted each and every time Simon had touched him of his own volition, and kept each instance in the back of his mind like a little catalogue of moments.

Distantly he added this one to his mental list. Intentional touch #18.

He slowly became aware that Simon was trying to talk to him. Grace had been so caught up in his thoughts that he hadn’t heard a word Simon had spoken. It didn’t matter. His hearing was going in and out like a badly tuned radio, the only constant noise the pounding of his own pulse in his ears. It pretty much drowned everything else out. All he could do was stare at Simon, whose face was slowly growing more and more distressed. He made a motion as if he was going to try to touch Grace again, but hesitated. Still, the movement drew Grace’s attention back to his arm, and the burns all across it.

“You’re hurt,” Grace murmured again.

“Right now I’m more worried about you,” Simon grunted, his harsh tone softened by the obvious concern on his face. “What happened? Did you burn yourself too?”

“No. No, I’m okay.”

“Bullshit,” Simon spat. “You look like you’re about to throw up. Or pass out or something.”

“I’m — ”

“Don’t you dare say fine!” Simon cut him off.

Grace shut his mouth with a quiet click of his teeth.

Simon stared at him for a long moment, before letting out a weary sigh. “Come on, let’s just…get to the dormitory. Do you think you can walk?”

“No,” Grace whispered.

Simon grimaced. “Alright. I’ll carry you, then.”

“No,” Grace repeated more firmly. He curled up tighter against the wall of Rocky’s tunnel, letting his fingertips trail across the xenonite. “I mean I’m not going. You go. You should get Armando to look at those burns.”

“Wait, what?” Simon sputtered. “The hell are you talking about? You need to get checked out, too!”

“I’m okay, Simon. I promise.”

“You are not fine!” Simon growled. He’d been keeping a careful distance ever since he’d accidentally startled Grace, but now he leaned in a bit closer, resting his hand on the ground for balance. “You need to go see the med bot, something is seriously wrong with you! You dragged my ass there once, don’t think I won’t return the favour!”

For a second, Grace stopped breathing, his eyes going wide and his blood going cold with icy terror. He cringed away from Simon, pressing himself up against Rocky’s tunnel like he was trying to phase through it. The phantom memory of hands dragging him down to the earth, pinning him down against too-dry grass while he screamed and begged for his life flashed through his mind.

“Please, no,” he whispered.

Simon must have recognized that he’d done something wrong, because he faltered back a bit, the growing anger on his face momentarily giving way to guilt. But then he huffed in frustration. “Why the hell not?”

“I have to stay with Rocky,” Grace explained. Somehow he managed to keep his voice steady, despite the way he felt like he was moments away from shaking apart. “I have to watch him. He’s sleeping. Someone has to watch.”

“There’s no danger, though,” Simon argued.

But Grace just shook his head, pressing his palm more firmly against the xenonite. His eyes remained locked on Rocky’s frighteningly still body. “I have to stay.”

Simon stared at him for a drawn-out moment, expression impossible to read. Was he angry? Disappointed? Worried? Grace had no idea. He had a hard enough time figuring out human emotions on a good day, and right now it felt like his brain had been replaced by coma slurry. He could barely think straight. All he knew was that he needed to stay with Rocky.

Finally, after a long pause, Simon let out a heavy sigh, his shoulders slumping. “Fine.”

Relief flooded Grace’s veins, but it wasn’t enough to lift the fog that had descended over his brain. Still, he lifted his eyes just enough to give Simon a weak smile. “You should go, though. Your arm has got to hurt.”

Simon’s jaw worked for a second as he studied Grace’s face. He seemed to come to some conclusion, because he nodded, and rose to his feet. Without another word, he disappeared from Grace’s line of sight, presumably on his way to see Armando in the dormitory.

Time passed. Grace had no idea how long he sat there, crumpled up in a miserable ball against Rocky’s tunnel. He could distantly hear the sounds of the ship’s life support systems quietly working in the background, but otherwise it was silent on the ship. His eyelids drooped, and his vision went hazy as he let his eyes relax to stare into the middle distance.

Then, what must have been at least an hour later, Simon reappeared in the lab. Grace glanced up to see him standing in the doorway, a pinched expression on his face. Grace could see that his arm was now completely wrapped in bandages, all the way down to his fingertips, and there were a few pieces of gauze taped to his cheek. In the back of his mind Grace lamented that Simon had managed to injure the side of his face that hadn’t been mutated; he knew that Simon’s appearance had been bothering him, and Grace couldn’t imagine that more scarring would make him feel any better about it.

Grace had been so distracted with studying Simon’s bandages that it took him a second to recognize the other object that was currently draped over Simon’s arm. Simon clutched Grace’s lucky quilt to his chest as he tentatively approached, his eyes darting around the room as if he didn’t want to look at Grace directly for some reason.

He drew to a stop next to Grace, and held out the quilt. A pillow dropped out of his arms as well from where he’d had it tucked behind the quilt, and landed on the floor next to them.

“I asked the med bot how to help you, and it said you probably need rest,” Simon announced. He awkwardly cleared his throat, giving the quilt a little wiggle. “And since you aren’t going to leave Rocky, you might as well be comfy, right?”

Simon looked so uncomfortable, but he was clearly trying so hard to be helpful. Grace couldn’t stop himself from softening a little. A full smile was a bit beyond him at the moment, but he managed to quirk up the corner of one of his lips.

“Thanks, Simon,” he said quietly.

He reached up and successfully grabbed the corner of the quilt, tugging it towards himself. He only got as far as pulling it off of Simon’s arm, however. Once it hit the floor, he found he was too weak to actually lift it. He tried a few times, but his body felt clumsy and uncoordinated, and he couldn’t seem to keep his grip on the fabric.

After watching him struggle for a few seconds, Simon let out a tiny grunt. “Here. Let me…let me help you,” he offered.

“Could you?” Grace asked tiredly.

Simon reached out and pulled the quilt out of Grace’s hands, setting it aside for the moment. He then grabbed the pillow, setting it down on the ground close to Rocky so that Grace could lie down and still be facing him. Getting the hint, Grace shifted stiffly until he was able to stretch out on the ground next to Rocky’s tube, on his side facing Rocky.

As soon as he was settled, Simon dragged the quilt over Grace’s body. It took him a bit of effort to sort things out with only one arm, and Grace could hear him muttering to himself under his breath the whole time, but eventually he managed to adjust it to his liking. Fully tucked under the blanket, Grace could already feel his chilled body starting to grow warmer.

“The bot also said you should drink some water. Think you’re up for it?” Simon asked, voice low.

“Not really,” Grace admitted, his voice equally quiet. He could feel his eyes starting to droop with exhaustion now that he was lying down and comfortable.

“Later, then,” he heard Simon say.

“Yeah…later,” Grace agreed, his eyes fluttering shut.

He thought he heard Simon sigh softly to himself, followed by the ruffling of his clothes as he rose to his feet. The soft pad of his footfalls across the floor was the last thing Grace heard before sleep snuck up and finally claimed him.

=====

It took Rocky two days to wake up again.

Compared to last time, this was nothing. His coma after Adrian had lasted nearly 2 weeks, so two days was not too bad for a recovery time.

The problem was that while there wasn’t too much upkeep needed to keep the Hail Mary functioning and on course for Erid, there were still a few critical little tasks that had to be done every day. The taumoeba farms needed to be checked on, the navigation confirmed and possibly adjusted if they’d accidentally strayed too close to a celestial body and its gravity had dragged them off course a bit. There were filters to change, vents to clean, and minor repairs to deal with thanks to regular wear and tear on a spaceship that was still in service well past its expected expiry date. On a typical day, the first order of business after breakfast was for Rocky and Grace to just roam the ship, looking for anything that might be due for fixing or replacement. They usually found at least one problem.

With Rocky out of commission, Grace should have been taking on these jobs. But every time he thought about leaving Rocky’s side for more than the few minutes it took to go to the bathroom, his heart rate spiked and he started hyperventilating again. So by Rocky’s side he stayed.

He’d be worried about the ship, but to his amazement, Simon took it upon himself to pick up the slack while Rocky and Grace were indisposed. He walked the ship, making note of anything that needed repairs. He checked navigation and changed the filters and cleaned the vents. He even checked on the taumboeba, though he had to quietly ask Grace a few clarifying questions to make sure he was doing it right. Despite his own injuries and his missing arm, he turned himself into a small whirlwind as he handled all of the crucial tasks to keep them alive.

Grace would have been impressed enough by all of this, but Simon also took the time to take care of him.

He checked in regularly, bringing water for Grace to drink and food for him to eat. The water came in little pouches that were easy to sip from, even from his position on the floor, but meals were a whole other story.

Even for one of the rare hot meals that they’d been rationing out for special occasions, Grace couldn’t bring himself to uncurl from his place against Rocky’s tunnel. So, apparently refusing to let Grace go hungry, Simon had tried to spoon feed him. He’d actually managed to get at least three bites into Grace’s mouth before Grace realized he was being a tiny bit ridiculous, and finally sat up a bit and took the spoon for himself. Even still, Simon sat quietly beside him, watching Grace unblinkingly until Grace had completely finished the meal. After that Simon had silently taken the garbage away. He’d returned a few minutes later with one of Grace’s cardigans that he wordlessly dropped over Grace’s shoulders before leaving the lab once more to presumably deal with other tasks.

It was…nice. A little bit awkward, but nice. No one had taken care of him like this since…well, probably since his parents were still alive. Simon was being so gentle with him as well, something that Grace honestly hadn’t expected from the gruff man. Simon had always been so prickly, even after he’d gotten used to Grace and Rocky, so it was kind of strange to see him like this. Strange, but…nice. It made Grace feel warm inside, a weird fluttery feeling growing in his belly every time Simon spoke to him softly or reached out to support Grace’s shaking hands while he ate.

For two days, Simon cared for both the ship and for Grace, all without comment or complaint. He simply went about his work, dealing with any of the issues that popped up. At one point Grace looked up to find that Simon had apparently managed to find a hairband in Ilyukhina’s effects to help keep his hair out of his face. Grace choked a little on his own spit when he noticed the fluffy kitty ears on the top, but Simon had just shot him a sour look, so Grace kept his thoughts to himself. Besides, he got it. Simon couldn’t exactly tie back his own hair with only one hand, and Grace was all but useless right now. So a kitty hairband was a necessary evil.

Still. It was…really cute on him. Like, really cute.

Grace found himself growing hyper aware of Simon whenever the other man flitted in and out of the lab as he worked on the ship. When Simon walked into the room, Grace’s eyes immediately sought him out. When Simon was out of sight, Grace strained his ears to try to keep track of him by sound. He started perking up a bit at mealtimes, even if the only thing they’d be eating was taumoeba slurries, because it meant that Simon would be joining him for a while. The fluttery feeling in his stomach had been growing a little bit more each time Simon ate with him, especially since Simon had taken to sitting close enough to Grace that their knees would brush. Grace knew it was so that it would be easier for Simon to catch Grace’s food if his hands suddenly gave out, but he liked to think it was also so that they could both enjoy a little bit of physical contact.

For two days Simon cared for him and the ship while Grace slowly found himself growing more and more aware of Simon’s presence around him, that fluttery feeling growing stronger and stronger.

And then Rocky woke up.

=====

Unlike last time, Grace was awake when Rocky woke up, so he actually saw it the moment that Rocky started moving again. He drew in a sharp breath, sitting up from his half-slumped position against the tunnel as he stared intently at the leg he'd just seen twitch. For a second he wondered if he had imagined it, but then it moved again.

A second leg shifted. Then the third and fourth. Finally the fifth leg twitched, and then Rocky sprung up, wide awake and shaking out his stiff limbs.

<Grace!> he exclaimed the moment he spotted Grace sitting next to him.

“Rocky!” Grace cried, tears building in the corners of his eyes.

They moved as one to press themselves up against the wall of the xenonite tunnel in their version of a hug.

“It's so good to see you awake, buddy,” Grace choked out through his sniffles, his vision going blurry. “You had me really worried there.”

<Rocky is fine, statement. Grace is being a very very leaky space blob for no reason>

“Sorry, sorry, I know. But I couldn't get it out of my head what happened last time. I kept thinking that maybe this time you wouldn't wake up.”

<Grace is being stupid> Rocky announced, though his tone was fond. <this time is not like last time. Rocky was only in Grace atmosphere for short short short duration>

“I know. But that's the thing with humans,” Grace explained with a weary sigh. “Sometimes we just worry about stuff, whether it makes sense or not. We can't help it.”

<humans are weird> Rocky declared.

Grace laughed. “You said it, buddy.”

Rocky then dropped out of the hug and scuttled around the base of his tunnel in a full circle, clearly trying to reorient himself. <what happened while Rocky sleeping, question? where is Simon, question? ship okay, question?>

“You didn't miss much,” Grace replied, answering each of the questions in order. “Simon is around here somewhere. He passed by, like, ten minutes ago so he's probably due to pop through again soon. He's been taking care of the ship while you were out.”

Rocky turned to him. <Simon took care of the ship, question? why Grace not care for the ship, question? Grace injured, question?>

Grace winced, shame and guilt flooding him. Rocky was right to question him, it made no sense that Grace had spent the entire time he'd been sleeping here in this room, doing absolutely nothing. He was the least injured person on this ship! He should have been the one taking care of everything, not Simon!

He stared down at the floor, suddenly unable to look at Rocky directly. “Ah, actually, Rocky…I was — ”

“He was resting as well,” Simon cut in, appearing in the entry to the lab. “He’s been getting tired more lately, so I made him take it easy.”

Grace gaped at Simon in disbelief, shocked at how easily he’d spat out that bald-faced lie, but Rocky couldn’t see their expressions, so he took Simon’s words at face value.

<ah makes sense> Simon glanced towards the laptop automatically as it translated, then looked back to Rocky. <Rocky happy that Simon able to take care of ship and Grace while Rocky resting. much thanks>

Simon’s face pinched with discomfort, like he wasn’t used to being thanked. He glanced away, rolling his shoulders nervously like he was trying to work out some tension. “It was…no big deal. Simple stuff.”

Rocky clicked a couple of his claws together, thinking about something. And then he tilted his carapace upwards towards Simon to show he was focused on Simon directly. <Simon injured, question? Rocky remember Rocky touch Grace last time and cause injury to Grace. Simon touch Rocky. Simon injured, question?>

Simon twitched, his hand momentarily clenching into a tight fist, before he visibly forced himself to relax. “I’m alright,” he replied gruffly.

“You were burned,” Grace pointed out quietly.

Simon shot him a look. “It wasn’t that bad,” he retorted. “The med bot has been taking care of it. Said the bandages might even be able to come off by tomorrow.”

Grace’s eyebrows immediately rose in surprised disbelief. Two days? Simon’s arm had healed in two days? Impossible. Grace had seen the burns. Though they definitely hadn’t been as bad as he would have expected after coming into contact with Rocky’s superheated body, he’d seen the blisters. It was second degree at least. Second degree burns didn’t heal in two days.

But then he noticed the way Simon was nervously shifting from foot to foot. He was glaring at Grace, as if daring him to say something about it, but the rest of his body language just screamed anxiousness. Simon’s fist was clenching and uncleanching, and he was so tense that Grace thought he was probably seconds from bolting out of the room.

It took him a second to understand the problem, but once he did, he almost smacked himself on the forehead. Oh. Of course. Simon’s mutations. That was the only reasonable explanation for how he’d healed so fast. It probably also explained why he hadn’t been as hurt as he should have been in the first place as well. Grace could remember how bad it had been when he and Rocky had first brought Simon on board. As Armando had read off all of the various injuries and ailments that Simon was suffering from, Grace had been sure that they’d be dealing with another corpse soon. But miraculously, Simon had pulled through, and Grace was pretty sure it had been thanks to whatever had happened to him before he’d arrived on the Hail Mary.

Simon still hadn’t really opened up about it too much, but Grace already had some idea of what he’d gone through. He’d been quite delirious those first few days, crying out about blood oceans and leaking walls and being hunted by a monster that absorbed humans into its collective consciousness…or something. Grace wasn’t sure how much of it was real and how much of it was some sort of hallucination, but Simon did have teeth growing out of the side of his face, so Grace was forced to suspect that at least some of it was true.

Regardless, Simon hated having attention drawn to his mutations. Even if it was beneficial to him this time, it was pretty obvious he wasn’t thrilled to have been reminded about how his body had been changed against his will.

So rather than speaking any of the thoughts running through his head aloud, Grace simply smiled at Simon and said, “Armando sure knows his stuff, right?”

Simon met his eyes. Understanding passed between them. “Right,” he agreed slowly.

Rocky either missed whatever silent conversation they were having, or otherwise chose to ignore it. Instead, he bounced a little, before starting to climb up through his tunnels.

<Rocky awake now. will look at ship repairs. Simon can rest now, statement>

“I don’t need to — ” Simon started to protest.

<rest> Rocky cut him off firmly, already heading off into his tunnels to get reacquainted with the ship.

“Don’t bother arguing with him,” Grace said with a fond smile as he watched Rocky trundle off. “You know he can out-stubborn both of us.”

Simon looked like he might still try to fight it, but then he slumped a little. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

He glanced in the direction of the dormitory, but Grace could tell that he was reluctant to actually head there. While he eventually — begrudgingly — started sleeping in the dormitory alongside Grace and Rocky, Grace had never gotten the impression he particularly liked the rooms there. Maybe the thin cots and windowless walls brought up bad memories?

Biting his lip, Grace found himself thinking back to those early days when Simon had first woken up, when he was still half-feral and threatened Grace and Rocky any time they got too close. Back then, he’d ended up curled up in one of the ship’s cupola windows more often than not. It was one of the few things that could keep him calm; just sitting and watching the stars go by in peace.

Grace glanced towards the larger cupola window at the back of the lab, ideas churning in his head.

“You know…” he said slowly. “You don’t have to actually sleep if you don’t want to. Like, resting could mean just, y’know. Chilling.”

“Chilling?” Simon echoed with a raised eyebrow.

“Yeah, you know. Hanging out. Winding down. That kinda thing?”

“...ah.”

“I mean, you don’t have to go back to the dorm,” Grace said, gesturing around himself. “Look. You brought me half the blankets on the ship, you could always snag a couple and watch the stars here for a bit. It’s been a while since you’ve had a chance to do that, right?”

Simon’s expression turned thoughtful. “Maybe…”

“Here, you can take this one,” Grace offered, holding up one of the blankets for Simon. “It’s really cozy.”

Simon reached out slowly and took the offered blanket. Once it was in his hand, however, he simply stood there awkwardly, as if he wasn’t sure what to do next.

Grace could feel a frown pulling at the corners of his lips as the moment stretched and Simon continued to just stare down at the blanket in his hand. “You okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine,” Simon snapped, his shoulders hunching defensively. He then winced, and visibly made an effort to relax.

“I’m fine,” he said again, much more calmly. “I just…there’s more stuff to do. And Rocky only just woke up. Seems like it makes more sense for me to keep working, right?”

Grace started to insist that Simon didn’t need to do anything if he didn’t want to, but he managed to stop himself before the words left his mouth. It occurred to him that Simon seemed to always want to be doing something. Grace was pretty sure it stemmed from some misguided belief that Simon needed to earn his keep on the Hail Mary, but regardless, Simon clearly wanted to be useful. Trying to tell him to just sit back, relax, and do nothing was only going to stress him out more. The only reason he’d be willing to do something like that was if he thought he was doing it to help someone else.

So, as casually as he could, Grace said, “I mean, I wouldn’t mind having a chance to do some stargazing for a bit. But I get cold so easily these days. Sitting in that window by myself, even with all the blankets…I don’t know if I’ll last very long on my own.”

Immediately Simon perked up like one of Grace’s old students hearing the phrase ‘extra credit’. “You…want me to sit with you, then?” he offered.

“Ooh, that would be nice, thank you,” Grace said with a smile, acting like the idea hadn’t even occurred to him. He didn’t know if Simon was completely convinced, but at least he didn’t call Grace out on the obvious underhanded tactics.

“Alright, then,” Simon huffed, reaching down to grab a few more of the blankets that had accumulated around Grace over the past few days. “Let me get the quilts set up.”

He carried the bedding over to the cupola window, and then set about making a small nest for them to sit in. Once he was done, he looked up at Grace expectantly. “You coming?”

“Yeah, gimme a sec.”

He started to rise up from the floor, bracing himself against Rocky’s tunnel for support. But when he’d made it about halfway up, his lack of movement for the past two days suddenly caught up to him, and the room started spinning.

“Whoa!” he gasped, tilting hard to the side. He landed against the tunnel, jarring his elbow.

“Careful!” he heard Simon cry out, followed by pounding footsteps. Grace scrambled to catch himself against the smooth xenonite glass beneath him, but he lost his grip and started to fall to the side. He squeezed his eyes shut and braced himself for impact.

But to his surprise, instead of going face-first into the lab floor, he landed against a warm, firm body instead. Simon’s arm quickly wrapped around him, clutching at his back to hold him steady.

Grace found himself staring down at the soft yellow Blood Milk Moon t-shirt that Simon was currently borrowing from him, the faded fabric stretched out across a broad shoulder. He could feel the warmth of Simon’s palm pressing between his shoulder blades, preventing him from tipping over backwards, and his firm chest against Grace’s own. Simon’s breath danced across Grace’s ear when he exhaled.

Intentional touch #19, Grace’s brain helpfully supplied out of nowhere.

“You okay?” Simon asked quietly, strangely subdued. With how closely they were pressed together, he must have been able to feel how hard Grace’s heart was rabbiting, but he thankfully didn’t mention it.

“Yeah,” Grace replied. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just…stood up too fast.”

Simon let out a wordless hum that Grace could feel tingling across his entire body. God, he was just so warm. Grace was suddenly almost overcome by the urge to just bury his face in Simon’s throat and breathe in the human scent of his skin.

Holy moly, where had that thought come from?!

Desperate for a distraction from his weird fixation on the junction between Simon’s shoulder and his neck, Grace took a deliberate step back. As soon as he did, Simon let his hand drop, and almost immediately Grace missed the touch. For a moment, his face fell, before he managed to get ahold of himself. Goodness gracious, what was wrong with him today?

Clearing his throat to try to shake off some of the weird energy that was itching under his skin, Grace gave Simon another tight smile. “Thanks for the save.”

Simon stared at him in concern. “Maybe I should be taking you to see the med bot.”

Grace sighed. “Why do you call him that?”

Simon blinked in confusion “What, the med bot?”

Grace stared at Simon over the tops of his glasses, giving him a disapproving look that had made many of his past students squirm in their seats in shame. “He has a name, you know.”

“What?”

“His name is Armando.”

Simon’s confusion shifted to exasperated understanding. He let out a little huff and rolled his eyes. “I’m not calling it that.”

“You should.”

“I’m not.”

“Please?”

“No.”

“You’ll hurt his feelings.”

“He doesn’t — shit, I mean it doesn’t have any feelings. It’s a robot.”

“You’ll make Armando cry.”

“It’s a robot, it can’t cry.”

“You’ll make me cry.”

Simon’s lips twitched a bit like he was struggling to suppress a smile, and Grace had to fight the urge to pump his fist in victory.

“I am not calling the med bot Armando,” Simon declared, his cheeks oddly flushed and his eyes twinkling with amusement. “That’s dumb.”

“It’s not, but fine. Make you a deal,” Grace offered. “You come up with a better punny name, and we’ll switch it. Seems fair?”

“No. I’m not doing that,” Simon replied, shaking his head.

Normally Grace would have continued to argue — banter was, like, 70% of how he communicated with Rocky and he was more than happy to get Simon in on it too — but he was too busy trying to remember how to breathe. Because Simon was smiling at him. A real, genuine, honest-to-god smile. It softened his features, even the scars and the teeth growing out of his left cheek, and made him look so relaxed and open. Grace had never seen him this at ease in the whole time Simon had been here on the Hail Mary, and the transformation was startling.

For the first time, it really hit Grace that Simon was…

“Beautiful,” he murmured to himself.

“Hmm?” Simon tilted his head to the side. “What was that?”

Realizing he’d actually said that last bit out loud, Grace felt his face flush red.

“Uh, maybe we should go sit down now. I’m feeling kind of…dizzy.”

Immediately Simon’s hand jerked towards him as if he was going to grab Grace’s elbow for support, but he held himself back at the last second. Still, he hovered at attention, as if expecting Grace to drop any second.

“Seriously,” he grumbled, though Grace could tell he was just trying to mask some of his worry. “Let me take you to see the damn bot. Something is clearly wrong.”

Grace just gave him a sad, crooked smile. “Oh, you’re not wrong about that. There’s plenty wrong with me. It’s just…nothing Armando can help with.”

He’d mostly meant whatever weird thoughts were currently running through his head, but when he saw Simon’s gaze flick down towards his far too thin wrists, his pale and papery skin, he knew that Simon understood the other unspoken implication.

Simon’s lips thinned, before he sighed in frustration. “Is there anything I can do?”

He said it so earnestly, those brown eyes looking so concerned, and Grace felt something clench in his chest.

“I’d just…really like to do some stargazing,” Grace said firmly. Originally he’d suggested it mostly for Simon’s sake, but now he felt he could probably use a bit of a distraction as well.

Simon looked like he still wanted to argue, but ultimately he took a step closer to Grace, holding out his arm as an offer. “You need help getting to the window?”

Grace gave him a flat look. “I can walk five feet across the room, Simon.”

“I dunno about that. You’ve almost eaten shit once already,” Simon pointed out with a cheeky smirk.

“Oh, shut up,” Grace rolled his eyes to hide how much that smug look on Simon’s face was making his heart race.

Despite his teasing, Simon did let Grace make his way over to the nest of blankets in the window on his own, though he hovered nearby in case Grace stumbled. Once he reached the window, Grace dropped down into the soft bundle of fabric with a tired groan, shifting to lean against the edge of the window. Almost immediately, he grimaced, however. The metal frame was digging into his back uncomfortably, but no matter how he shifted, he couldn’t seem to find a comfortable position.

“Here,” Simon suddenly spoke up, drawing his attention. Grace looked up to see that Simon had pulled out Grace’s favourite quilt from the pile. When Grace just looked at him, Simon gestured for Grace to lean forward. As soon as he did, Simon draped the quilt over his shoulders. The gesture was strangely chivalrous, and Grace felt something lurch in his chest before he forced himself to dismiss it.

“Thanks,” he said quietly, leaning back against the window. Ah. That was a bit better. He sighed happily, and glanced to the side to watch the stars drifting past outside.

Simon then dropped down next to Grace, though he sat curled up to the side, as if he was trying not to take up too much space. Grace carefully didn’t look in his direction, but he couldn’t help but notice the way Simon’s eyes darted towards him a few times, as if he wanted to ask something but didn’t know how.

After waiting a few minutes to see if Simon would speak on his own, Grace realized that he’d need to give Simon a gentle nudge. “You comfortable over there?”

“I’m fine,” Simon replied, the words sounding rote and automatic. He then cleared his throat, before asking, “Are you?”

“I’m okay right now,” Grace replied. “Why?”

“You, uh. Mentioned you might get cold?”

Oh. Oh yes, he had said that, hadn’t he? That had been the excuse he’d used to convince Simon to just sit here with him instead of wandering off to bother Rocky.

Simon’s eyes were carefully locked on the seam of the blanket he was currently picking at as he said with obvious forced casualness, “Do you want me to sit next to you?”

Grace went still for a second. Yes. Yes, he realized he really, really wanted that, more than he probably should. Actually, he wanted more than that. The moment Simon had made his offer, Grace was nearly overcome with the urge to just latch onto him and drag him over. His mind conjured up the image of their bodies intertwined together, staring up at the stars while Grace rested his head on Simon’s firm chest, listening to his heartbeat, and for a moment he was nearly dizzy with how badly he wished they could do that. The desire was so strong that Grace nearly ached with it.

Then his mind went a little bit further with throwing out ideas for other things they could do with their bodies pressed against each other and he felt his face go hot.

What the heck? Where was this all coming from?!

“Ryland?” Simon called out softly, when Grace took too long to answer. Grace had been staring out at the stars without really seeing them, but he turned to look at Simon at the sound of his name. They locked eyes, and Grace found his breath hitching in his chest.

Simon really was beautiful, wasn’t he?

Grace couldn’t help but trace Simon’s face with his eyes, taking in his soft, wavy hair, those rich brown eyes. Even the scars and the teeth emerging from his cheek were beautiful in their own way, because they were symbols of everything that Simon had endured, had survived to make it to this point. He’d been through hell, but he’d come out the other side, and despite all that he’d suffered, he was still kind enough to wrap a blanket around Grace’s shoulders when he was cold, or feed him when he was too weak to hold a spoon. He was strong, yet gentle. Gruff, rough around the edges, yet caring. Quiet and withdrawn, but willing to listen to Grace go on and on about whatever subjects caught his attention. He was such an incredible person, and Grace realized he was so lucky to have met him.

“Sorry,” Grace choked out, trying to shake off the thoughts that kept circling his mind the longer he looked at Simon. Wow, he was getting distracted.

Especially when his eyes flicked down towards Simon’s broad chest, and those earlier mental images sprang up again without warning.

Okay. Right. Not cool, brain.

To be fair, he had wondered if he might be gay when he’d first woken up on the Hail Mary. But that thought had kind of fallen to the wayside with everything that had happened, and he hadn’t really had a chance to revisit it. Maybe he needed to pull the whiteboard out again and reconsider the theory.

“You okay?” Simon asked, making Grace jolt.

He shook his head like he was trying to dispel something from his brain, and then quickly nodded. “Yes! Sorry, just…got lost in thought for a second.”

“Oh.” There was a short pause, and then Simon looked at him expectantly. “So…?”

“So…oh! Right! Sitting together!” Grace tapped a hand against his forehead. “Right. Uh…”

On one hand, Grace was apparently kind of going through some sort of awakening about his sexuality, and being in close proximity to Simon would not help with that. On the other hand, he was always desperate for more skin to skin contact, and this was the perfect excuse to hold onto Simon for an extended duration. Choices, choices.

In the end, Grace was weak. “Yes, please,” he said meekly.

Without a word, Simon started shifting over.

“Wait.” Grace held up a hand.

Simon froze immediately, looking at Grace with wide eyes.

Grace had noticed that for some reason Simon always tried to keep his left side facing Grace whenever possible. He wasn’t sure why; wouldn’t that make him more vulnerable? Not that Grace would ever do anything to hurt Simon, of course, but given how suspicious and defensive Simon had been when he’d first come aboard, it was kind of strange. Grace would almost think it was some sort of show of trust, except Simon had been doing it even before he’d started to relax and open up around Grace and Rocky.

He’d been about to do it again, just now, automatically moving to sit at Grace’s right side. But Grace didn’t want him there, this time.

“Um, can you…can you sit on this side, please?” Grace asked, patting the space on his left. “That way, uh, you can…put your arm around me. If that’s okay.”

Simon’s eyebrows rose a little in surprise. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah,” Grace said with a nod. “It’ll be warmer that way. Please.”

Simon hesitated, looking uncertain. “You won’t feel…trapped or something?”

It was Grace’s turn to be surprised. Now why would Simon think he’d be worried about that? “No?”

Simon just looked at him for a long moment. Grace stared back, nonplussed. Eventually Simon seemed to decide Grace wasn’t lying, because he shifted around until he was sitting to Grace’s left, their bodies tucked up against each other. He threw his arm over Grace’s shoulder, as requested, careful not to dislodge the quilt wrapped around him. They settled back against the cupola window, side by side. 

It wasn’t the first time they’d been pressed so close together like this. Over time they’d come to an unspoken agreement that if either of them had a nightmare, the other would join them in their cot and hold them until they fell back asleep, and they both had a lot of nightmares. But this was the first time that they’d ever cuddled together like this while they were awake. The close proximity was doing all sorts of interesting things to Grace’s heart rate.

“You okay?” Simon asked, his voice hushed.

“Mhmm,” Grace hummed, hoping his blush wasn’t as visible as it felt.

“You sure? You’re kinda…stiff.”

“Oh, uh. Sorry, just didn’t want to put too much pressure on your arm,” Grace quickly lied. As excuses went, it was pretty bad, but maybe Simon would take pity on him and not question it.

No dice. “It’s okay. You’re not hurting me.”

Grace bit the inside of his cheek. “Oh. Okay then.”

Slowly, ever so slowly, he forced his body to relax, putting more and more of his weight against Simon’s body. It helped that Simon was so warm against him; Grace was cold all the time, after all, that part was true. As he slumped, Simon adjusted his arm around Grace, tugging him closer until Grace’s head was resting against his shoulder.

“Is this okay?” he asked, giving Grace’s arm a gentle squeeze. “Can you still see outside?”

Grace glanced towards the window. “Y-yes.”

“Okay, good.”

They fell silent, the two of them cradled together in their little nest. Despite his nerves, Grace found that this was incredibly cozy; he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so comfortable. He felt the tension slowly seeping out of his body as he and Simon sat back together and just watched the stars go by.

“They’re so beautiful,” Simon murmured.

Grace glanced up at him, seeing Simon’s gaze locked on the stars, his eyes just as filled with wonder now as they had been when he’d first seen them. Once again, Grace was struck by how soft Simon looked once he finally relaxed.

Distantly he was aware that his heart had skipped a beat, but the surprise was starting to dull. Fine. Sure. He was maybe a little bit gay, and possibly a little in love with Simon. That was…that was fine. Probably something he should try to unpack, but that could come later. Right now, he was too comfortable to worry about it.

“Yeah, you’re right,” he whispered back, his eyes tracing Simon’s face instead of the stars. “Beautiful.”