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The house is dark and quiet when Hayden lets himself in. He locks the door behind himself and toes off his shoes.
Shane said that Ilya is most likely still in the bedroom, but that Anya would probably be in the living room. He goes there first.
She's asleep in the corner of the sectional, all tucked in under a blanket. He only knows she's there at all from her little feet that stick out from the blanket.
"Anya," he says softly, sitting down next to her. He rests his hand where he thinks her head is. "Good morning, sweet girl."
It's not morning anymore, not for an hour or two, but he still says it. As soon as she realizes someone is there, she's darting to the back door. Hayden quickly follows her and lets her out. When they come back in, she brings him to her food bowl, so he gives her a scoop of her kibble.
His next destination is the bedroom.
Much like Anya, Ilya is curled up under his own blanket, seemingly asleep. Only his curls peek out, and Hayden knows he must be hot under there by now.
Ilya makes no moves or sounds to suggest that he knows Hayden is there when he sits down on the bed next to him. Hayden's thigh presses against Ilya's back. When he sinks his fingers in Ilya's hair and scratches over his head, he wonders when the last time he showered was.
"Ilya. Hey. It's time to wake up." He keeps his voice low, but still loud enough to rouse him.
"'m awake," Ilya grumbles back.
"Okay." He presses himself just a little bit closer to Ilya's body. "Anya's taken care of. I've got her for today."
"Thank you."
"Of course. I've got you, too."
Ilya doesn't say anything to that, but he does sneak a hand out from under the covers and leave it by his shoulder. The movement tugs the blanket down from his face. His eyes are open, but his face is tired and flat. Hayden grabs his hand and holds on tight.
That's how they stay for a few minutes. Silent, Hayden with both hands rubbing soothing motions into Ilya's skin with his thumbs, and Ilya just breathing.
When Hayden got a call from Shane earlier asking him to check on Ilya, he was honestly really fucking worried at first. But then Shane calmed him down and told him that Ilya was okay and that he had talked to him that morning on the phone, he just didn't want him to be alone.
It's not the first time Hayden has been around one of Ilya's depressive episodes since the three of them started this thing together. But it is the first time he's here without Shane.
His boyfriend was the one who was an expert on all things Ilya, given the fact that Shane was Ilya's husband and not Hayden. Hayden wasn't even Ilya's boyfriend. During times like this, Shane was the one who would take care of him and make sure he was safe. Hayden was just the one who would run to the store and help with Anya.
But Shane is in Toronto for a photoshoot, and, most importantly, he asked Hayden to come be with Ilya, to take care of him. There's a number of people he could have called. But he called Hayden.
Just as he's trying to figure out what he should do next, Ilya makes the decision for him.
In the same tired, deep voice he's said his other two sentences in, Ilya says, "Need to piss."
"Okay." Hayden stands up, expecting Ilya to roll over and get up.
He doesn't.
Right. Okay. Ilya has helped Hayden a million different ways, a million different times after sex. Hayden can help him out of bed and to the fucking bathroom.
With one knee kneeling on the bed, Hayden pulls the blanket back, revealing a shirtless Ilya. He grabs his bicep and tugs a little.
"Come on, I got you."
Ilya does help once Hayden's got him rolled over onto his back, but it's still a team effort to get him standing. He can tell from the way he wobbles that this is the first time Ilya has stood all day. Hayden loops an arm around his waist and walks him to the bathroom.
Once he's got him parked in front of the toilet, Hayden makes to leave to give him privacy, but Ilya stumbles and tilts so bad when he lets go of him that he's immediately reaching for him again.
"Hey, hey." Hayden grabs his hips from behind and holds him steady.
"Fuck," Ilya curses. He sounds nearly out of breath as he clutches the corner of the counter. "I'm so dizzy."
The new symptom makes Hayden nervous, even though he knows it's just because Ilya hasn't eaten or had anything to drink today, on top of his entire being feeling like shit and the fact that he's been horizontal for who knows how long. He'll be okay. Hayden will take care of him.
"Okay. How about I keep you standing while you take care of everything else? Just focus on not pissing outside of the bowl."
Sure enough, his chirp does what he intends it to do and Ilya huffs out a laugh.
"I can do that."
Hayden steps forward and wraps his arms more securely around Ilya so that they're pressed together back to chest. He plants his feet and takes Ilya's weight when he lets go of the counter and leans back against Hayden.
"I got you," he whispers against the back of Ilya's neck.
Ilya's arm bumps against his as he pulls himself out of his underwear.
"You might as well fucking hold it for me," Ilya says.
And, well. Hayden knows by the tone of his voice that he's joking. He's not actually asking Hayden to hold his dick for him while he pees. He also knows it by the way he can hear Ilya already peeing.
But he would. He'd do that for him, if it made his day just a little easier. He wonders if that's something Shane does for him when he's having a bad day like this. Knowing Shane, it probably is.
"I would," he says, because they all agreed to be honest with each other when Hayden started with them.
"Of course you fucking would."
Ilya's stream tapers off, then his arm bumps Hayden's once more when he tucks himself away. His hands grab onto Hayden's arms and he sighs heavily, tilting his head back.
Hayden shifts his head so Ilya can rest his own against his shoulder, then kisses his cheek.
"Back to bed?"
"Mhm."
He gets Ilya tucked back under the covers, this time with Anya, and then heads downstairs. He tells Ilya he's going to make lunch, and he is going to do that, but he's also going to call Shane.
Shane picks up before the first ring is even over.
"Hey, Hayd, how's he doing?" There's a lot more concern in his voice now compared to when called him earlier.
"He's okay. I'm about to get him something to eat." He opens the pantry, but nothing stands out to him. "And, like, what do I do? I've never had to take care of him before."
He says it because it's true. It's absolutely true. But he has taken care of Shane before, and he can tell that Shane needs a task right now. He needs something to focus on and he needs to help. Him listing and detailing how to do something for Ilya is the perfect way to do that.
"There's pelmeni in the freezer. It's labeled and should be on the left. I'll text you how to heat it up."
"Comfort food."
"Exactly. He never says no to it. After he eats, try to get him out of bed. Have him brush his teeth. Doing your own at the same time will help. He'll whine about properly washing his face, but he won't mind if you get a washcloth wet and clean it for him with that. He's used to me doing it. Get him to put clean clothes on."
"Okay." Hayden nods, making a to-do list in his head. "Anything else?"
"Um, those are the big things. Those are the things that help him feel a little better. We usually try to get to the living room to watch something there, rather than the bedroom."
Hayden remembers that part. That's the part he's usually there for.
"Okay, I can do that. He's good with me, Shane, okay?"
Shane sighs. Hayden can hear someone on the other side of the phone saying something to him.
"I know he is. Hey, I've got to go. I'll check back in later. Thank you. I love you."
"I love you, too."
Back in the bedroom, Hayden finds Ilya speaking softly in Russian to Anya. He's laying on his side, petting her and looking at her reverently. His eyes slowly drift up when Hayden gets closer to the bed.
"You talk to Shane?"
"I did. Only for a little bit, though, before he got called back to work. But he helped me make these."
Hayden sits down on the other side of Anya and holds out some water and the plate of pelmeni. Even though he doesn't smile, Hayden sees the way his face lights up marginally.
Ilya sits up and moves Anya to his other side, away from the plate, and then they eat together. Even Hayden can tell that it's not as good as it would be fresh, but it absolutely does the trick to make Ilya look a little more human. He still helps Hayden finish the plate.
After Hayden sets the empty plate down on the nightstand, he turns back to see Ilya with his eyes closed, hugging Anya to his chest.
"Husband told you to make me, um, stirat'. In bathroom?"
"If you mean brush your teeth and wash your face, then yes, he did tell me to make you do that."
Ilya scrunches his face up. It's the first proper facial expression Hayden has seen on him today. "Blyat."
"No, come on. You got up once, you can do it again."
And he does. He doesn't need as much assistance this time as he gets out of bed and as they walk to the bathroom, but Hayden keeps a hand on him either way. When they reach for their toothbrushes, Ilya leans his body into Hayden's.
By the time Ilya is done brushing his teeth, which is as soon as Hayden is done, he notices, Ilya is resting heavily against the counter like he's struggling to hold himself up. Hayden quickly grabs a washcloth, wets it, then turns Ilya's face towards him.
"Almost done."
Ilya's eyes flutter shut as Hayden gently drags the washcloth across his face. He pays extra attention to the oily parts of his skin and makes sure his touch is as soft as possible when he swipes the cloth over his eyes. He works slowly and carefully.
Shane had said to just clean his face, but he lets the washcloth drag lower. He wipes down Ilya's neck and chest and even his armpits before he decides he's done. He drapes the cloth over the sink to let it dry.
Hayden grabs onto Ilya's hips and rubs his hands up and down on his sides once. He squeezes him when his hands reach his waistband again.
"Better?"
Ilya nods slowly, then lists forward, just as slow. It gives Hayden plenty of time to catch him in a hug. Ilya's arms don't reach up to return it, but his face is planted in Hayden's neck. Hayden rubs his back.
It's not the first time they've hugged, not even close, but it feels like the most important.
Later, after Ilya has pulled back from the hug with red eyes and Hayden has helped him dress in fresh underwear and one of Shane's sweatshirts, they make it to the couch.
Anya has returned to her spot in the corner under her blanket. In the other corner of the sectional, the two of them lay down on the long side. Hayden had hovered in the middle of the living room, letting Ilya have first dibs and unsure where he should sit, but Ilya had just tugged him down by the hand to lay down in the spot between him and the back cushion.
And since Hayden has been there for this part before, he knows to not bother with asking Ilya what he wants to watch. He won't be able to choose. Instead, he just reaches for the remote and puts on one of the easy shows they like to watch as background noise.
About halfway through the first episode, Ilya starts to shiver. If this were any other day, Hayden would tease him and tell him he told him so. He did try to get him to put on pants. But this isn't any other day.
Today, Ilya is teary eyed for no reason as he watches some dumb sitcom. He's exhausted and heavy-limbed and holding onto Hayden's sleeve like his life depends on it.
Instead, Hayden just pulls the blanket that's resting on the back of the couch over them and snuggles in closer.