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Tim wasn’t exactly lonely per say. If anything, he was just normal. Just fine, really. All possible forms of okay, alright, and dandy he could be.
Not like there was anything for him to miss at this point. He’d already long since gotten used to being by himself. His life was one originally intended for isolation, so why should he not be used to it now?
Oh, just cause he’d had the brief experience of having a real friend in college? Just cause he’d had the chance to live a life unencumbered by the eldritch horror that had haunted him since his days of being institutionalized? Or even just cause he’d had the briefest chance to feel the loving touch of someone else? Because he now knew that there was someone out there who was able to love him for just long enough for him to get used to it, and then be reminded that his monsters were still there to stay.
Marble Hornets hadn’t changed anything, Brian hadn’t changed anything, and Jay hadn’t changed anything either. He was still used to the quiet nights all on his lonesome. Those were safer than whatever he’d experienced before. At least now Alex could be proven wrong. Because if he never got close to anyone again, then he’d never have to worry about them again.
Still, there were those late nights, when his medicine was being fickle and cruel, where he’d remember how it felt to sleep in those hotel beds with Jay. How it’d been so comforting to open his eyes and find another human body next to him.
During those chilly Alabama nights, when the motel heaters refused to give them any consistent warmth, it was so easy for them to curl around one another and finally drift off. Their limbs tangled together in such a way that if either of them needed to go to the bathroom during the middle of the night it was almost impossible to get out. They attached themselves to one another and weren’t ready to let each other go. If only that’d stayed true in the waking world.
Pillows weren’t going to be equivalent companions by any means, but that didn’t stop Tim from wrapping himself around one and trying to force the experience. Memories were a finite resource in and of itself but if he could cling to this one so be it then. It was more than he was going to find for himself anyways. Not like he was looking for new friends or even companions. No, it was better if he just kept to his lonesome.
That was the safest way for him to exist. Things were just too close to Alex, Jay, and Brian to just rush back into being a normal person again, if that were even possible at this point.
He’d always known that he wasn’t going to be ‘normal’ like in the classic sense of the world, but he could still act it. When he was younger he thought of it like wearing a mask. His smile protected him from people’s judgement and his quiet demeanor ensured that they would never doubt him. It only took him so far in the hospital, but it’s what he could do to control what was happening around him.
Sometimes he almost found it funny how that metaphor came back around and kicked him in the ass. Didn’t matter if he was conscious of it or not, his body still ended up choosing a mask as a means of protecting him. If it even was meant to be a form of protection.
He still couldn't parse out all the bullshit that had happened. There were Jay’s uploads on YouTube, sure, but the intricacies behind the camera were lost on him.
Maybe that was what that eldritch thing wanted in the end. To fester in the back of his mind so that it would never be forgotten. It probably was feeding on his suffering as he lay there staring up at the ceiling trying to let the late night consume him. It’s faceless head cocked to one side as it watched from some far off corner. Just cause he couldn’t feel it crawling against his skin didn’t mean that it wasn’t somewhere nearby. It could always be nearby, and he wouldn’t have any idea until the ringing in his ears was too unbearable.
If it affected him, that is.
He hadn’t had any issues getting his medication. If anything, things had evened out for him w̶i̶t̶h̶o̶u̶t̶ Ja̶y̶ with being able to keep a job down. Even if that thing wasn’t always around anymore he still had a schedule to keep. He took two a day, morning and night, and that’d been good enough for him so far.
Maybe it really was that there wasn’t anyone sticking a camera in his face anymore. It may not have started that way, but that faceless beast seemed to always feed on the lens. At least, that’s the impression he got when he first watched through all the footage Jay had gotten.
He wasn’t above trolling the internet. At the time it was all so horrifying, but now it gave him more of a kick. It was weird to experience, but seeing the way people talked about what had happened to him and Jay, and even Brian and Alex, was almost enjoyable. The stories they would tell one another about them, the things that never happened that they speculated about, hell even the fact that they were treating it at fiction was surreal to witness. How could anyone understand that it wasn’t, though?
None of the people that his life touched would ever be able to grasp that the horrors he’d faced were real. That there was no makeup nor special effects involved. There were really rotting bodies somewhere out in the wilds of Alabama that he had a hand in creating. That those three men, and probably more, were never going to get back up again. The people on the other side of their computer screens were never going to get that.
Tim squeezed his pillow as his throat tightened up. These were the kind of thoughts that made it difficult for him to sleep. Well, besides the general insomnia he struggled with, but they still didn’t help anything.
He kept his eyes shut. He tried to imagine Jay on the other side of him. He’d been so frail in those months after their Operator encounter. He got cold so easily. He practically needed all the blankets, and then some. He didn’t mind it. He had his reasons to be angry, but he saw so many explanations for his anger. It wasn’t all his fault. He just needed to be reminded that not everything revolved around that damned camera.
He felt the lull of sleep start to creep over him. His head leaned into the pillow. He felt himself getting closer to Jay. He could almost feel himself back in that bed. With those scratchy sheets and strange smells. He was almost there.
He felt something brush against his cheek.
His eyes shot open and he flinched away from the sensation. He let out a gasp as his eyes caught sight of what had touched him. The moonlight spilled in through his window, and backlit a figure that leaned over the edge of his bed.
He crammed himself against the back of his wall. He tried to parse out any details about the person. There were no distinguishing features. If they had any hair it was being pressed against their head by a hood, and even their hand had felt like they had a glove on.
He squints through the darkness, and notices that there are no eyes to meet. A sheet of white covers the figures face. Two black holes stare down at him. A box with three lines make up the mouth with another one going straight through the middle. It feels far too familiar for his money.
“Is this a dream?”
The figure retracts their hand. Their fingers cruel in on themselves and they tilt their head. Multiple voices response to his question. He wished he could recoil into the wall.
“No, it is not.”
“Then why the hell are you in my room?”
They lifted their index finger before retracting it against their palm again. “One of us wished to talk to you.”
“One of us?”
“Yes, one of us.”
“But there’s only one of you here.”
They placed their hands on his bed and leaned toward him. “I carry many.”
Tim’s eyes widened. He knew that voice. It was wasn’t too deep and came off a little bit whiny, and there was a distance within it. Tears welled up in his eyes as he put his hands across from the figures and leaned himself close to their mask.
“Jay?”
Their head lowered toward the mattress. He could just make out some pieces of hair peaking out from underneath the hood. He couldn’t make out the color, but it looked short enough to be Jay’s. He didn’t understand how it could be Jay.
“No, there are many within me. He is, only a portion.”
Tim pulled himself forward until his legs criss crossed and he was able to reach his right hand up to where the figure’s face should be. He knew there was so much wrong with what was happening. Any sane person would have tried to make a run for it a few minutes ago, but Tim had lost his sanity years ago.
His left hand placed itself at the figure’s chin, and lift their face up so that he could see it. His right hand stayed at the edge of the mask. He curled his fingers around it. He waited for them to stop him, but there was no reaction.
He dug his nails against the plastic as he took it off. Jay’s eyes met his. He ran his thumb along his stumble. Tears fell down his cheeks.
“Jay.”
They closed their eyes and grimaced. “We carry many.”
The voices sang through his head as he felt the stumble disappear. The skin twisted underneath his fingers. They distorted beneath his touch and expanded outward. Another mouth appeared on top of Jay’s, and it screamed at him. This other person bit down toward his face. He saw glasses glint from the moonlight. He leaned backwards and removed his hand.
The figure stood up. They grabbed ahold of their mask from Tim’s hand. Another face slipped through. Facial hair returned as mustache appeared on their upper lip. There was some fuzz on the bottom of their chin as well, and where the teeth had just chopped at him there was a smile. A tooth was missing from the grin.
“Brian?”
The mask returned to the entity’s face. “I am sorry. Not everyone is happy we are here.”
Tim crumpled into himself. He wrapped his hands around either of his shoulders. His chest was tight and his throat felt sore. He’d felt their skin move against his touch. He’d seen Jay’s eyes, but they were gone so fast.
“What the hell are you?”
“I am the broken. I fixed them.”
When he heard them say that, he realized that Brian’s voice was overlapping with Jay’s. They’d each been saying bits and pieces, but hearing them in tandem made him want to throw up.
“If you fixed them they wouldn’t be like that.” His lunged toward them and grabbed them by the collar. “I want them back. Give them back.”
“They cannot leave. They have to stay inside. If they are not here, then they will suffer.”
“Aren’t they already suffering!”
“The Operator would do worse. I saved them.”
Tim shoved them to the ground. He stood on his mattress so that he towered over them. “Get out.” He pointed toward the window. He noticed that it was open and wondered if he’d woken any of his neighbors. “I don’t know what the hell you wanted, but I don’t want to hear it anymore.”
They stared up at him. He wondered which eyes were looking at him through those black holes. Maybe they were all staring at him. A disgusting mixture of greens, browns, and blues all swirling around under that piece of plastic.
He thought he understood how that eldritch fuck worked, but this felt even beyond that. This was flesh warping into flesh. Twisting and contorting over and over again. All logic said it wasn’t meant to be possible. At least the faceless thing seemed to have some rules. They were confusing and cruel, but he’d figured them out. This was beyond all understanding. He didn’t want to try and comprehend it.
They stood up. They continued to stare up at him. They took a step toward him. They got on their tip toes and touched the finger he pointed at the window. They grabbed onto it and squeezed.
“I’m sorry, Tim. We will leave you be.”
He watched as they let go of his finger and crawled out through his window. They closed it behind themself and lingered through for a few seconds. They stared at him, looked over their shoulder, and walked to the right.
He waited until he couldn’t hear their footsteps anymore before he collapsed. His legs gave out underneath him and he covered his face as he sobbed.
They both been right there. His friends. His…they could have been more. He thought they’d have more time. It didn’t feel right. He’d been so scared to say what was inside.
They were still out there. They were smashed together and tangled into one another, but they were still there. And he never wanted to see them again.