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Graf considered himself to be a patient man.
Waiting came easily to him; he would even say he prefers taking his time with most things in life. Despite that, he's not sure how much longer he can go without kissing Juan.
For months, Graf had tried to flirt with Juan. He started with subtle compliments and simple gestures; they gradually became more obvious as Juan remained oblivious. Or worse yet, maybe Juan had noticed and was simply ignoring Graf’s advances out of disinterest. But Juan wasn’t cruel; if he actually noticed and didn’t want Graf back, he would probably try to let him down gently. Besides, these little moments when Juan blushed at any of Graf’s compliments, or when he watched Graf as well, his gaze lingering on Graf a little too long, gave him hope that his feelings might not be one-sided. Regardless, Graf had decided to see it through, no matter the outcome.
After all, good things come to those who wait.
And he has been so good at waiting, but every additional minute spent with Juan comes with the realization of just how deep his feelings for the man go.
Lately, he hasn’t been feeling like his usual self. He couldn’t tell why, but sometimes, he had these moments during which he felt like something was deeply wrong. An overwhelming sense of dread came to him in waves at times when he least expected it, and he’d feel this strange urge to tear himself open just to make it stop. He wasn’t sure what was happening to him, but something was wrong, and he didn’t know how to fix it because he wasn’t aware of what the problem was in the first place. It scared him.
He tried to blame it on exhaustion. He kept telling himself it would pass soon, and he almost started to believe it.
For some reason, when he was with Juan, the feeling wasn’t as unbearable as usual, replaced by the growing affection in his chest.
The karaoke night had been everything Graf expected and more. He’s waited for this for a long time, and his patience paid off. He sang his heart out with his friends, and, of course, with Juan. Juan, who invited him to this karaoke in the first place.
Throughout the evening, Graf’s gaze couldn’t help but fall back on Juan, watching as he sang and laughed along with everyone else.
After karaoke had ended, everyone hung out together for a while longer before leaving for their own rooms or homes. Graf lingered in the room, searching for any excuse to remain by Juan’s side a little longer. Juan decided to tidy up the mess in the room before going to sleep, so Graf stayed to help him.
“Are you tired?” asked Juan, after they cleaned up all of the leftover snacks and empty cups. Graf was indeed tired; the day’s activities, hosting trivia, and then the karaoke, had left him exhausted, but it was the satisfying kind of exhaustion. “We can hang out a bit longer in my room if you’re not.”
Suddenly, Graf didn’t feel tired at all.
“I’d like that,” he replied, giving Juan a small smile.
They went over to Juan’s room. Juan sat across from him on the bed, while Graf pulled out a chair from the table and sat on it, facing Juan and resting his chin on the backrest. The room was hot despite the late hour. Juan’s hair was a little damp from sweat, and he was smiling softly. His cheeks were slightly flushed from the exertion. He looked happy.
Graf was happy, too. He’d finally gotten his chance to sing karaoke at the North. The giddy feeling that rose in his chest when he was with Juan was especially strong tonight.
“Did you have a good time today?” Graf asked quietly.
“Yeah! So much fun,” Juan replied. “You gave it your all during the karaoke. I didn’t know you could sing like that.”
Graf shrugged nonchalantly, but he felt his heart squeeze with affection at the compliment.
“Well, if you guys organized karaoke when I could attend it, you would know by now.”
Juan held his hands up in mock-surrender. “Sorry, sorry!”
“Besides,” Graf added. “Maybe I wanted to impress someone.”
He looked at Juan, who stared back at him with a puzzled expression on his face. Graf’s gaze went from his eyes to his slightly parted lips.
“Well, I don’t think you need to impress anyone, Graf. Everyone here already likes you, even if you turned out to be a bad singer.”
Juan grinned at him, and Graf wanted to kiss that smile off his face. He moved instead, crossing the distance to sit on the bed next to Juan. The cushions dipped under his weight, and Juan turned his head to look at him.
“Juan,” he started, unsure how to keep going.
“What? What is it?” prompted Juan. His smile faded, and he looked at Graf with a questioning look, tilting his head to the side.
Graf gathered his thoughts and continued. “I’m not sure if you just want to hear me say it or if you really don’t see it, but I’ll say it out loud. It’s you I wanted to impress. In fact, I’ve been trying to impress you for a while now, but you don’t seem to realize it, and I’m not sure how many bad pick-up lines I have left in me before I go crazy. If you want me to stop, just tell me, and I’ll leave you alone.”
Juan’s eyes widened in shock.
“Oh, I…” his voice shook slightly as he replied. “Honestly, I haven’t realized until today. Well, Tina had to tell me, actually. But I still wasn’t sure if it was true. That you really are interested in me in that way. I don’t really understand why, but... I’m not opposed.”
Graf felt his heart jump at Juan’s words. A hopeful, giddy feeling started to bubble up in his chest.
He knew Juan wasn’t without flaws; he knew how emotional Juan could be at times and how easily he lost his temper when someone angered him. None of that really bothered Graf. He liked Juan’s ferociousness and his bold personality.
I think I would go to the End and back just to make you happy, Graf found himself thinking, and that realization scared him a little, because of how true it felt. The idea of devoting himself to someone like this was terrifying, and it made his chest ache in more ways than just one.
“I thought I made it pretty clear, but maybe I should have been a little more direct. But sue me for trying to romance a guy and taking my time with it, like a real gentleman.”
“Oh, god, it’s even worse now that I know,” Juan murmured, turning his face to the side. Graf didn’t let him look away for long.
He cupped the side of Juan’s face, holding his thumb over Juan’s warm cheek. Juan inhaled sharply but didn’t pull away. He instead leaned into his touch, his eyes met Graf’s own again, and Graf felt himself growing bolder. His hand slid down further to just underneath Juan’s jaw, brushing his thumb lightly across Juan’s bottom lip.
Before he had the time to panic and chicken out, he forced himself to ask.
“Juan, can I kiss you?”
His vision was getting slightly blurry just from the frantic beating of his own heart, but he felt Juan nod into his hand. He closed the distance between them and felt his head spin when their lips finally met.
Kissing Juan felt electrifying; it wass a little messy, as their moves were uncoordinated and unsure, but it was everything Graf could have dreamed of. He helplessly tried to pull Juan closer, grabbing at his waist. He felt Juan gasp into his mouth and place his hand on the back of Graf’s neck. He did his best to focus on the feeling of holding Juan like this and save it in his memory forever. Juan’s skin is so warm compared to his own.
When they pulled away, Juan was slightly more flushed than before, and his lips were redder than usual as well. He looked well-kissed.
Graf felt proud of himself for some reason. He fought the urge to pull Juan into another kiss. But before he had the chance to do that, he heard Juan laughing.
“So, it’s really true. You do have a crush on me!” Juan exclaimed.
Graf started laughing as well, both from relief at not getting rejected and at the ridiculousness of Juan making that statement right after Graf kissed him.
“No, I don’t, what gave you that idea?” he joked, looking fondly at his…
They will figure it out later.
He grabbed one of Juan’s hands in both of his and smiled when the other didn’t try to take it away. Maybe things could be okay if they stayed like this, together in Juan’s room in the mansion.
Maybe Graf could hold on to this moment for a little while longer.