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She is Rose, Rosie, or Rosie Posie sometimes and she just turned 4. She knows that she lives in a place called New York, which is loud sometimes and has a lot of people. She likes her teddy bear named Monty and the swingset in the park. She lives with her mommy, who has the same hair as she does, and she knows her name is Shiv or Mrs. Roy. Daddy, who is also Tom and Mr.Wambsgans, lives there too, he wears suits and is very tall. Sometimes he goes away and Rose doesn’t see him which makes her sad, but happy too, because then Mommy and Daddy don’t fight. But when they do, she has Mondale to cuddle with, even if he’s just a dog and doesn’t talk much.
And she has a secret. A very big secret but she can keep it. Her mommy told her last night but it’s very important that she doesn’t tell anyone, even Daddy doesn’t know. But Rose is a big girl and very responsible so she won’t tell, even if she is so happy that she wants to scream.
She’s going to be a big sister. In a long time, after Halloween but before Christmas, she’s going to have a little sister or brother.
Today they are going on vacation, Daddy isn’t coming this time, he’s been really sad recently, something is going bad at work and Mommy and Daddy are fighting more often, no one tells her why. So yesterday she was told to help the maids pack her clothes and her dolls into her pink suitcase. And today they got on the plane, just her and her mommy. Mondale has to stay so Rose gives him a kiss goodbye, Daddy isn’t there at all. The plane ride is very boring and so so long. She reads the books that her mommy brought for her and plays with her dolls but still they have so many more hours to go. So she looks out at the clouds, and tries to find the unicorns that live there. She watches a movie about a princess and sings songs, until Mommy finally makes her close her eyes and goes to sleep.
She wakes up as soon as the plane hits the ground. Mommy says that they are somewhere called Greece. They have to take a car and Rosie watches the people and the colours that are all around. It’s summer. She likes all the seasons. Winter has Christmas, Spring has flowers, and Fall has pretty leaves, but Summer is her favourite, she likes the warmth and the sun and the fact that she gets to eat a lot of ice cream.
The boat, which is called a yacht, is very big and shiny. It is too sunny, even with her pink sunglasses and Mommy makes her take her new blue and yellow sandals off when they get on the deck.
Then she feels someone come up behind her and cover her eyes, she’s scared for a second, until she hears a familiar voice. Uncle Roman is always so silly, he makes jokes that Rose doesn’t understand sometimes and that make her mommy roll her eyes. Uncle Connor is there too, he’s smiley and calls her mommy, baby, even if Rose is the baby, but Uncle Connor laughs and calls her the baby’s baby, she doesn’t really understand that, they are all grown ups after all. Auntie Willa isn’t here now. This time though there’s a new person, a grown-up, he looks kind of like Uncle Roman, and he could use a nap. He’s Kendall apparently, and he does NOT look happy to be here. Mommy looks sad and holds onto Rose’s shoulders as she introduces her to him. Rose isn’t sure she likes him if he makes her Mommy not happy. He’s her uncle, like Connor and Roman are, but she doesn’t know him and she’s not sure if she wants to talk to anyone new. . He doesn’t hug her or even give her a high-five as grown-ups sometimes do, and he looks at her like she confuses him.
It’s too hot and no one is really talking so Rose and her mom go get changed for the pool. She has a new bathing suit, it’s pink and has flowers. Rose thinks it's the prettiest thing ever even if she’s still little and has to wear a bright yellow life jacket. She has to wait for her mom to put sunscreen on her before she can jump into the pool. The water is cold, but she gets to pretend to be a fish. Mommy reads a book on the couch while Uncle Connor swims around and pretends to be a sea monster with her in the pool. Uncle Roman laughs and splashes her and Uncle Connor. When she finally gets cold and tired, Connor lifts her out of the pool and wraps her in a fluffy white towel.
She wants to go on the big slide that she saw Uncle Roman go down, even if it seems scary. Mommy says that she’s too small, which makes her feel sad. But there’s another smaller one and Uncle Kendall sighs and volunteers, which is a new word she just learned, to take her. Her Mom says yes, as long as she wears her lifejacket and she holds on the whole time. Mommy and Uncle Kendall and Uncle Connor watch as Uncle Kendall and her walk to the slide. She holds his hand which is what people do when they don’t want people to get lost. It takes him a minute but then he holds her hand back and they go to the slide.
Before she goes she looks down and she’s scared. The slide looks very tall and the ocean is very big and blue. She knows what lives down there, dolphins which seem silly, and whales which are too big AND sharks, which are the scariest thing ever. Well maybe not ever, there’s a lot of things that scare her more, like the monsters she sees in the dark and when her mommy and daddy yell at either other. But Uncle Kendall looks at her and tells her that it’s going to be okay and that he won’t let her go. She believes him and they go.
Going down the slide is very fast and it makes her stop breathing for a second, and then she makes a big splash. The ocean is kinda cold but Uncle Kendall keeps his promise and she doesn’t let her fall down, down, down into the ocean. She doesn’t even get eaten by a shark or anything.
The sun feels warm on her skin and it makes her happy. She sits beside her mom and tucks herself into her side. Mommy’s hat is so big that it covers them both, like there’s a world that only they are allowed into. Rose’s body is so tired, so she snuggles closer to her mom and lets herself fall asleep under the shade of her hat. She knows it's time to wake up when she hears music coming from Mommy’s phone and Mommy grumbles something before she gets up and leaves Rose. Rose tries very hard to stay asleep but it doesn’t feel as comfy without her. Uncle Connor suggests that they might play Candyland, which she does like, so she pushes herself up and follows him, Uncle Kendall and Uncle Roman are talking in the back, about something that she doesn’t feel like trying to ask what is going on. She hopes they will want to play Candyland with her.
In the distance she hears her mommy’s voice, she sounds sad. She wants her mom, so she jumps up and runs as fast as her legs will take her and she almost gets there, but her feet don’t work and her knee hits the deck, with a very big crash!
Her knee hurts and she thinks it might have blood, and she doesn’t know what to do, so she cries. Uncle Kendall says a bad word, which she is not supposed to say even if Mommy and Daddy say it to each other when they yell after bedtime, which she is also not supposed to do. Uncle Connor says something to Uncle Roman who blames it on Uncle Kendall, but she just wants her mom.
Uncle Roman picks her up and Uncle Connor suggests that they should have ice cream which she likes, so she nods and lets them carry her to the table and ask for a band-aid from the lady who hangs around and brings them juice. Her uncles tell her not to tell her mom but she knows that she will. She won’t tell them that though, because she wants the ice cream.
Rose is happy when her Mommy comes back and sits beside her, she climbs on her lap and the lady in the apron brings her chocolate ice cream with sprinkles. She gets to eat her treat and half listen to whatever the adults are saying, which seems very important, but not more so than the ice cream that is already melting onto her hand.
There’s someone named Mattson who is screwing everything up. It’s her Daddy’s company now, which should be a good thing but Mommy looks very sad. Uncle Kendall looks madder than he has been this entire time when he looks at her and tells her she's going to be the heir now. Uncle Kendall makes Mommy sad and she doesn’t understand why, they are brother and sister, they should love each other.
Uncle Roman says that this is what the old man would’ve wanted. At first she doesn’t know which old man, she knows a lot of those. Uncle Connor and her Grandpa Wambsgans, there’s Uncle Ewan who is the oldest of them all. But when she cranes her face up to ask her mommy, all the adults stop and look at her like she’s just performed a magic trick. She feels like a cloud went over the sun even if there are no clouds at all. It’s Mommy’s Daddy who takes the sun away, Uncle Kendall says he was mean but Mommy says he could also be really good sometimes but her eyes are still sad so she offers her some of her ice cream.
Then she realizes that she doesn’t know what he means when he says that she’s the new heir. She doesn’t know what that means or what she’s supposed to do, she knows her Daddy wears suits, she could wear a suit, he talks on the phone too, she can do that too.
She can do it then, it’s decided, she’s a big girl now, so she doesn’t know why her Mom looks so sad or why she holds her closer to her chest, Rose wants to tell her that it’s going to be okay. ‘I can do it!’ She wants to scream, ‘I can do it. Please don’t be sad anymore.’ But instead she stays silent. She feels very small, which she is, but it’s not a good feeling, to be too small to know what’s happening.
She went to a party once, with her parents. Rose wore a blue dress with ruffles that matched her mom’s. Mommy and Daddy were mean to each other the whole way there, so she was extra good and looked out of the window while things happened around her. There were a lot of people there and the cameras were very flashy, so she had to hold onto her daddy’s hand. She got to take pictures and see pretty ballet dancers and then her dad made a speech. But then she got sleepy so she gave good-night kisses to both of her parents and got to go to bed at the hotel.
But it’s scary too, Rose wonders if there’s gonna be things she can’t do now. Like swing on her swingset or sleep in the big bed with her Mommy anymore. What if the thing that made her Mommy and Uncle Kendall sad will make her sad too? She doesn’t like being sad.
She’s going to do what her daddy does, which seems big and scary and makes her mommy look sad, but it’s all going to be okay because soon, she’s going to have a little sibling soon and she can share the job with them. Like Mommy and her brothers, they can have fun on boats and talk about whatever they talk about. They love each other.
Rose, Rosie, and Rosie-Posie sometimes, is 4 years old, which feels very big sometimes and also very small. She lives in New York but sometimes they go to Greece which is fun. She has a mommy and a daddy and THREE uncles now. And Mondale and soon she’ll have a baby brother or sister. She is happy most of the time which is good, especially when she gets to do ballet and soccer and when she gets to go swimming. She wants to get bigger and do whatever she wants but maybe not now. One day she’ll be the heir and she’ll do what her parents do. But not today, today she is little, and the sun is warm.