Work Text:
cigarette smoke and grumpy cat
Leon closed the apartment door behind him with a deep sigh. The day at DSO headquarters had dragged on like a ten-year-old piece of chewing gum — endless reports, paperwork in triplicate, a meeting. His shoulders felt like concrete blocks, and the headache pounding behind his temples kept time with the office lights that had tortured him all day. He hung his suit jacket on the hook in the hallway and loosened his tie. God, he hated ties. Might as well strap a damn choker around his neck. At least he was finally home. But the very next second, that unmistakable smell hit him.
Cigarette smoke.
Again.
“Goddammit, Chris,” Leon muttered, striding quickly into the living room.
The air was heavy, a faint bluish haze still lingering beneath the ceiling. An ashtray sat on the coffee table, very obviously used. Two cigarette butts. Chris was sprawled out on the couch, legs stretched out casually, wearing a DSO shirt — technically Leon’s — and sweatpants. He looked like he’d spent a perfectly relaxing afternoon, unlike Leon.
Chris glanced up and immediately flashed that wide, shameless grin Leon both hated and loved. “Hey, honey. You’re home early.”
Leon stopped in the doorway, arms crossed. “Early? I’m an hour late. And you smoked in the apartment again. We had a deal, Chris. Balcony only.”
Chris raised both hands in mock surrender. “Technically, I was on my way to the balcony. Then Jill called. You know, that thing with the old Umbrella case in Eastern Europe. And somehow… well. The cigarette was already lit.”
Leon narrowed his eyes. “You are such a terrible liar.”
“Hey, I’m an excellent liar. I just don’t stand a chance with you.” Chris got up and walked over to him. He smelled like smoke, aftershave, and that familiar scent that was simply Chris.
“Come on, Leon. You look like you spent the whole day negotiating with vampires. Were the files especially bloodthirsty today?”
Despite himself, the corners of Leon’s mouth twitched. He tried to stay stern. “That’s not funny. I hate that smell getting into the furniture. And you know damn well that after a day like today, the last thing I want is to air out the apartment like a maniac.”
Chris stopped right in front of him. Gently, he placed a hand on Leon’s waist and pulled him a little closer. “You know what I think? I think you’re way too stressed today, and understandably so. And when you’re stressed, you turn into a grumpy cat. You hiss. Your fur stands on end. You sharpen your claws.”
“Excuse me?” Leon raised an eyebrow, looking almost offended.
“Yep. But you’re a very attractive grumpy cat, and there are all kinds of things I’d like to do to you.” Chris’ voice dropped lower, playful. He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to Leon’s forehead, right above the wrinkles that had formed there over the years. “Meow.”
Leon let out a short, incredulous laugh. “You are impossible.”
“And you married me. Voluntarily.” Chris grinned wider and pointed at the plain silver ring on Leon’s finger, the perfect match to his own. “Remember the ceremony? ‘For better or worse.’ Smoking definitely counts as the worse part.”
Leon shook his head, but he couldn’t stop his shoulders from slowly relaxing. His irritation faded like the smoke beneath the ceiling. That was the worst thing about Chris — he knew exactly how to calm him down. With that mix of humor, audacity, and affection that disarmed Leon every single time.
“You’re lucky I love you,” Leon grumbled, finally allowing himself to be pulled into an embrace. Chris’ arms wrapped around him, strong and warm.
“I know,” Chris murmured into Leon’s hair. “And I love you too, even when you look at me like you want to fillet me with a knife. Actually… especially then.”
Leon took a deep breath — and immediately coughed. “The smoke is still disgusting.”
“Okay, okay. Message received.” Chris pulled back slightly but kept one hand on Leon’s back. “I’ll open the windows, air the place out, and then I’ll order us some Chinese food. And afterward…” He waggled his eyebrows. “Massage for the stressed-out agent with extra massage oil. No arguments.”
Leon rolled his eyes. “You’re trying to buy your way out of trouble.”
“Is it working?”
“Maybe.”
Chris laughed softly, that deep laugh that always vibrated straight through Leon’s chest. He walked over to the window, threw both sides wide open, and let the cool evening air flood inside. Then he turned back to Leon, who was still standing there in his dress shirt and suit pants, his hair slightly messy from the long day.
“You know,” Chris said thoughtfully, “sometimes I wonder how we ended up here. You and me. After all the shit we’ve been through. And now we’re arguing about cigarettes in the apartment.”
Leon stepped up beside him and looked out over the city slowly sinking into dusk. “Because you were stubborn enough not to let me go.”
“And because you were stubborn enough to say Yes when I pulled out the ring.” Chris draped an arm around Leon’s shoulders. “Even though you thought I was joking at first.”
“No, I thought you were drunk.”
“I was. Drunk on nerves.”
Leon leaned against him. The smell of smoke slowly faded, replaced by fresh air and Chris’ warmth. The anger from earlier was already nothing more than a distant memory. It was always like this. Chris could bring him from a hundred down to zero in minutes. With a stupid joke, a touch, a look.
“Next time you really do smoke on the balcony,” Leon said quietly, though without any real sharpness.
“Promise. Pinky swear.” Chris held out his little finger.
“Are we eleven years old again?” Leon asked with a laugh, but he hooked his pinky with Chris’ anyway.
“Sometimes it’s okay to be kids.”
Leon turned his head and kissed him. A warm kiss that tasted like home… and cigarettes. “Yeah. Sometimes.”
They stood there in silence for a while as the city buzzed beneath them. Leon could feel the stress of the day slipping away. The paperwork, the unpleasant coworkers, the endless reports — all of it faded into the background. There was only Chris here. Later, as they sat on the couch waiting for their food, Leon leaning his head against Chris’ shoulder, Chris broke the silence again.
“You know what I did today while you were buried in paperwork?”
“No, but I’m sure you’re about to tell me.”
“I had our wedding photo reframed. The one where you look like you’re about to bolt. It’s hanging in the bedroom now.”
Leon laughed quietly. “I wasn’t about to bolt. I was just… overwhelmed.”
“You looked like a deer in headlights. It was cute.”
“Shut up, Chrissy.”
Chris pulled him closer. “Never. You married me. I get to annoy you for the rest of our lives.”
Leon closed his eyes and smiled. “And I’ll endure it.”
Outside, night settled over the city. The smoke had almost disappeared, and a quiet warmth spread through the apartment. Leon was back where he belonged — with his husband. And that was the greatest happiness he could imagine. Not even the smell of cigarettes could take that away.