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Dan was a good man. He truly was. A thoroughly decent man, a dedicated teacher, a wonderful boyfriend—he was nearly perfect.
But loving him was really hard.
Grace just couldn’t understand why.
Dan was the new teacher at Cleveland High School. Within mere weeks, he had charmed his way into the students' hearts, standing on equal footing with Grace. It almost made Grace feel a twinge of envy, but he brushed it off. It was a good thing, wasn't it?
To be fair, they hadn't been that close initially. Dan taught history, while Grace taught science. Both were arguably nerds, but of entirely different breeds. They were mere acquaintances, often passing each other by without any real greeting. Dan’s black hair was always a little unruly, though much shorter than Grace’s. Sometimes, the way Dan smiled made Grace want to reach out and run his fingers through those messy locks.
Things remained that way until their trajectory shifted into something deeper—the day Grace found Dan in the restroom. Dan was completely disheveled, slumped against the toilet in utter despair. Grace was wondering what could have happened when his eyes caught the white powder dusting Dan’s clothes. And oh... he was high.
Dan was a teacher, a guide, a role model for the youth, yet he was using drugs. It wasn't right; it was completely unravelling. At that moment, Grace was struck with panic. He tried to steady Dan with his hands, keeping him from collapsing onto the restroom floor out of sheer concern for hygiene. Dan seemed to cooperate slightly, suddenly snapping his hand forward to grip Grace’s wrist. The sudden movement made Grace flinch, nearly crying out in fear that this intoxicated man might hurt him. But the look of sheer vulnerability in Dan's voice silenced his panic. He looked so utterly pitiful that Grace chose to help him steady his footing, resolving to take him home. Naturally, they would take Dan's car, since Ryland had ridden his bicycle to work.
At first, Grace wrestled with whether he should tell anyone. But throughout the car ride and the entire time he escorted him back to his apartment, Dan remained mostly quiet, though still visibly under the influence. He spoke softly, murmuring apologies for causing such trouble and mentioning that he would resign. That was when Grace realized Dan wasn’t a bad person; he knew exactly what he had done wrong. So, Grace swallowed the truth, burying the secret deep beneath the earth. He acted as though nothing had happened and dedicated himself to helping Dan with everything he had.
This drew them into each other's orbits, revolving around one another like the Earth and the Sun. Grace would constantly find ways to help him, distract him, exhausting every method he could think of and researching endlessly, until he began to question why he was going to such lengths. But whenever Dan gave him an amused smile and looked at him with those tender, loving eyes, all those doubts were ruthlessly cast aside, perhaps scattering away into the atmosphere.
Grace didn't think he was falling in love. He had never cared much for romance anyway. To be honest, it was just complicated because he had been perfectly content with his life as it was. Grace had no need to invite anyone else into his world; if he ever felt lonely, he still had his students. But Dan? Dan was like a typhoon that suddenly ripped through Grace’s life, creating chaos and altering its entire course. Perhaps because they spent so much time together, as days turned into weeks, Grace grew accustomed to Dan occupying his personal space. And now, he had to carve out a permanent place for Dan in his daily schedule.
As time wore on, Grace found himself unconsciously forming an unspoken bond with Dan—a profound affection and deep concern. Dan welcomed it warmly, yet neither of them said a word. No one gave a name to the feeling brewing in their hearts. It was as if they were quietly dating in their minds, endlessly circling one another, silently counting down the moments until they would inevitably collide. Sometimes, Grace wondered which of them was the Earth, and which was the Sun.
Eventually, Grace found his answer. Perhaps Dan was the Sun. He possessed a scorching heat, always ready to incinerate everything—and perhaps, if he held onto himself too tightly, he would burn himself to ashes, too.
His intensity was his own undoing; a heart that absorbed everything was slowly killing him. Because he felt too deeply—about life, about love, about sorrow. Yet, he chose to fling his own burdens far away as if they were worthless, prioritizing Grace’s problems instead. He gladly listened to even the smallest details, so much so that Grace, out of sheer habit, completely forgot until Dan's condition took a turn for the worse. Dan always promised he would get better. He would hold Grace’s hand tightly, raining kisses upon his knuckles, whispering vows that he would recover. He wanted to heal for Grace; he wanted to be a better man. But in the end, unable to withstand the agonizing withdrawals, he relapsed.
Whenever they talked, he would break down, a man's tears shedding continuously before Ryland.
" I'll stop. Please, I promise... I.. "
Grace wanted so desperately to save him.
Even though Grace wasn’t one to display affection as openly as Dan—who loved physical touch and sweet words—he cared deeply.
The withdrawal symptoms left Dan entirely depleted, enduring a hellish torment. He was lethargic, occasionally showing flashes of mild aggression, but he always apologized afterward. Because of this, Grace never truly felt resentment; instead, he was filled with a profound sense of understanding. Oh, Grace promised—he swore to God—that he would try his absolute best to understand Dan, because he refused to let go of his hand. Ryland loved him with all his soul. Their bond was laced with a sweet, tender affection, but beneath it lay a bottomless well of sorrowful pity.
When Dan was on the verge of breaking, thrashing about and clawing at anything within reach, pleading that just a little bit wouldn't hurt—even though the dosage would only spiral higher and higher—it made Grace want to pin him down. He wanted to punch him with all his love in the face until his teeth shattered, but he also wanted to kiss him, showering that handsome face with frantic kisses, weeping until their tears mingled like a beautiful contagion. As tear after tear spilled onto Dan’s skin, Ryland wished they were corrosive. He wanted them to sting, so Dan would focus on that physical pain instead. Yet, he could never bring himself to hurt Dan, just as Dan could never hurt Grace. Grace knew Dan loved him immensely—so much that he didn't want Grace to be burdened with his ruined life. But Grace wanted to tell him, to assure him that he was entirely willing and more than happy to help. Grace wanted to return the immense love Dan had given him.
And so, Grace could only weep foolishly over his body. He wanted to reach out and hold him, locking him securely within his arms, hiding him away from the world and from his own fragile heart. Instead, he sat atop him, cupping the man’s cheeks with his hands, gently forcing their eyes to meet. He wanted Dan to look at him—to look at Ryland, who was crying for his sake.
Lost and uncertain of what to do, Grace peppered kisses all over Dan’s sweat-slicked face, his tears mixing with the kisses, chanting Dan's name like a desperate prayer in a raspy whisper.
" Dan... stay with me. Please, focus on me. " He pressed his lips against Dan's forehead.
"I'm here. I'm always here."
I'm here Dan replied, trying to remain still and stop his restless thrashing. His skin burned hot beneath Grace's touch.
"You can do this," Grace murmured before sliding his lips down to the bridge of Dan's nose. Dan’s hazy eyes lidded, accepting the touch quietly, his damp eyelashes brushing against Grace’s skin.
"I know you can."
The next kiss was pressed against his right cheek.
"Because you're my strong boy. You're my man, remember?"
Then the left cheek, met with a soft grunt from Dan.
"Please, Dan. I love you. I love you so much."
And the final kiss landed on Dan's pale lips before Grace pulled back slightly to look at him.
"Oh... Dan," Ryland's voice was so faint it was heartbreaking. "You're going to be okay."
Dan’s hand moved up to grip Grace’s wrist, squeezing so tightly that Grace couldn't help but wince.
"Sweetheart... please," he sobbed, breaking his long silence. "I'm in so much pain. Just a little bit, I promise." Dan nuzzled his face into Grace’s palm imploringly. Grace bit his lip, ignoring the tears tracing the contours of his own face. It took a long moment before he gave a faint, reluctant nod.
With that, Dan pulled Grace’s hand away from his cheek and sat up, keeping Grace resting in his lap. With trembling fingers, he gently wiped the tears from the corners of Grace's eyes, using the utmost tenderness he could muster. Grace's heart ached, yet it swelled with an overwhelming fullness. He wanted so badly to love this man as much as this man loved him. Dan pressed a kiss to Grace's eyelids, followed by the whisper of that familiar, repetitive vow.
"I'll get better. I'll get better for you. I promise..."
And just that. Grace believed him with all his heart.