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Stuck in Eggman's Lair, Goofing Off

Summary:

A thunderstorm traps everybody in Eggman's lair after a fight, and some mild chaos ensues with glitching robots and stuff

Notes:

I wrote this, like... forever ago... and I never finished it.
I still think it's pretty good though. Maybe I'll complete the thing if it gets any traction.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Work Text:

“HIIYA!” Amy screamed as she crushed a crab bot with her hammer, flinging herself into the air from the force of the swing.

Rolling past her in a lightning fast blur of spin-dash, Sonic almost knocked her over.

“Ah! Sonic, watch where you're going!”

He paid her no mind, smashing into 6 different ridiculously destructible robots in one fell swoop. With a triumphant chuckle, he ran backwards with his hands folded behind his quills, shooting Eggman a smug smirk. Then he tripped over a crab bot and rolled backwards.

Eggman laughed at him. “HAhaha! You bumbling moron! Maybe you should pay more attention to your surroundings, you ignorant blue pineapple!”

Amy smashed a Beebot and yelled, “Hey Tails, how's the override going?”

Tails, hovering over one of Eggman’s consoles so he could reach it, clicked away. “Almost there! I just have to finish executing this quantum phase inversion recalibration, and-” he quickly moved out of the way as Knuckles smashed it into a pancake.
“That works too, I guess.”

All the robots shut off, but it didn't stop Sticks from repeatedly whacking one with her stick unnecessarily while making a weird battle cry.

Eggman let out one of his certified goat screams. “Do you know how much that’ll cost to repair?! Who gave you permission to smash that, Nuffles?!”

Sonic patted him on the back. “Maybe you shoulda paid more attention to your surroundings, Eggy. Well! We're outta here! See ya later, Doctor Nose Hair!” Sonic gave him a smug salute with a wink and dashed over to the door.
When he opened it though, he simply stared at it with the rest of his group.

While they were battling, it had apparently begun pouring outside, and now they couldn't get back home. (Eggman’s lair was separate from the island they lived on and they couldn’t fly the plane through a storm safely.)
Lightning crashed in front of them with a loud BOOM and Tails leapt into Sonic’s arms with a yelp.

Sonic turned back around, holding Tails. “Well, Egg-breath, looks like we'll be crashing here till the storm clears up. So make room for the coolest guy in Hedgehog Village!”
At everyone else's faces, he added an awkward, “Uh, and friends.”

Face red, Eggman yelled, “This is an outrage! You destroy my things and then expect me to let you stay here?! I demand you pay compensation for the damages!”

Tails, who put himself back on the floor, replied, “Sure! We’ll do that as soon as you pay compensation for the amount of our time you’ve wasted!”

Amy walked closer and reasoned, “It’s just until the storm stops, Eggman. After that, we'll leave you alone again. No big deal. And, I can help you clean everything!”

“I don't want you ignoramuses contaminating my personal space.”

“LET US RIDE OUT THE STORM HERE OR I’LL TURN THAT MUSTACHE OF YOURS INTO MODERN ART!”

He held up his hands submissively, and Amy smiled. “Thanks, Eggy! I knew you had good in you. Now shut the door, Sonic, you're letting in rain water. Which you're going to mop up by the way.”

“Can't you do that?” He complained. “You're the only one who actually cares.”

At her face when he said that, he immediately disappeared in a blur, searching for a mop.

Sticks had her arms crossed and only one eye open, staring mistrustingly at Eggman. “You guys are a bunch of idiots! Can't you tell this is all a trap?! Eggman is making it LOOK like it’s raining outside so we can't leave and we’ll be lured right into his death trap!”

Knuckles chuckled. “Oh Sticks, that doesn't make any sense! Why would he make a fake storm on a Tuesday? Everyone knows Tuesday is when his garlic needs sunlight!”

She put her hands on her face and leaned back. “No! You don't get it! It's not really here! He’s brainwashed all of us and it's just in our heads!”

He laughed again. “Heads doesn't take suggestions, Sticks!”

Eggman muttered, “Well yours sure doesn't.”

Amy huffed. “Where is Sonic? He should be back with that mop by now! I bet he got distracted again. I'll have to go do this myself.” She started marching off.

Thunder clapped again, eliciting another yelp and leap from Tails, landing in Knuckles’ arms this time, ears slightly back.

Eggman squinted and stepped closer, leaning forward and looking his nose down at Tails in an attempt to be intimidating. “Afraid of a little sky rumbling, huh, little 'prodigy’? Who knew you were so easily shaken? Maybe I should make a lightning themed robot just for your enjoyment, my dear fox.”

“I am not! It just startled me.” He got back on the ground, forcing his ears back into an upright position.

Eggman squinted at him.

Knuckles looked confused. “Yes you are! You're so forgetful, Tails.”

“Thanks, Knuckles!” Tails said in a very ungrateful way.

Sticks started flailing, suddenly right in front of him. “The thunder's not real, Tails! DON’T BELIEVE HIS LIES!”

Eggman was still smirking about the discovery of Tails’ fear. “If I wanted to lead you baboons into a death trap I wouldn't need a fake storm to do such a thing. I'd simply put it in front of the exit where you’d all inevitably go to leave. I can assure you this storm was not of my own making. I don't want you here.”

*******************************************************

Amy marched through the halls, on a quest to find either a mop or the person she had sent to find said mop originally.

She then stopped and scowled, listening to the distinct sound of Sonic goofing off. She stormed in the direction it was coming from and found him in the kitchen, talking to a chef robot, which was juggling frying pans while Sonic tried to explain he never said to do that.

“Sonic! What are you doing? I sent you to get a mop and you- what is this?”

“It’s Egghead’s robot chef, but it won’t listen to me. See, watch this: MAKE ME A CHILI DOG.”

In a robotic voice, continuing its juggling, it responded “Playing ‘I’m a Chili Hog’ by The Bad Badgers in the living room.”

In the living room, that song suddenly started playing and Sticks screamed. “IT’S THE ALIENS! TRYING TO BRAINWASH US THROUGH SUBLIMINAL MESSAGES IN SUDDEN MUSIC SPELLS! DON’T LET THEM GET TO YOU! AHHHH!” She ran out of the room flailing.

Back in the kitchen, Amy shook her head. “Maybe you just have to make your request more obvious. Chef robot, please bake me a strawberry shortcake.”

“How is that any more clear than what I said?”

The robot started whirring and then said “Now playing episode one of Strawberry Shortcake in the plotting lab.”

In said plotting lab, Sticks, who had hidden in there, screamed, leapt up and ran off to find somewhere else to hide.

“Wow, Amy!” Sonic exclaimed. “You’re right, that did work. Let me try again. MAKE ME A CHILI DOG.”

Amy rolled her eyes. “That’s exactly what you said last time, why would it work now?”

The robot whirred and then announced “Delivering a chilly dog-”

“Aha!”

“-to the bathroom.”

“What?”

In the bathroom, where Sticks was now hiding from the brainwashing aliens in the tub, a robotic shivering dog entered and started barking at her.
She screamed and threw soap at it. “Get away from me, you! Don’t look at me like I don’t know who you are. You can’t have my left socks, you government agent! AHHH!”
She ran away again.

*******************************************************

“Noodles, stop playing with the chess pieces.” Eggman moved his rook.

Knuckles didn’t listen. “Haha, this one is a horse!”

Tails contemplated his next move. “Where’d my bishop go…? Knuckles, if you’re going to play with the pieces, at least only use the ones we’ve eliminated.”

“Aw.”

“Now I don’t remember where it was…”

Eggman glared at Knuckles. “I have an idea. What if you just leave? You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

“Can I take the pieces with me?”

 

“No!”

“Fine.” Knuckles said, not sounding fine with it. “I’m gonna go find something more interesting!” He ran off.

Eggman and Tails went back to pondering their chess board, which was missing a few of the pieces they were supposed to still have there, thanks to Knuckles.
As Tails began moving his queen, thunder clapped outside, and Tails somehow managed to crash himself over the table and into Eggman’s arms, knocking over the chess game in the process.

“Woah! Nice going, Miles. Now we have to set it up again because you’re afraid of some sky rumbles.”

Tails, blushing slightly, retorted, “Hey, it's not my fault thunder is so... loud! I just wasn't expecting it, that's all.” His ears gave him away by remaining in a slightly turned back fearful position.

Eggman put him down, stood up, and stretched. “As much distaste I have for you, you’re the only smart one anywhere nearby, after me of course.”

“I’ll pretend that last part is true for your sake, but only because you’re letting us stay here.”

“My point is that maybe you can help with a little problem I’ve been having with my computers lately.”

“If you’re going to use it to attack us, I don’t want to help.”

“Not that. This time.” He began walking over to a computer console Knuckles hadn’t smashed. “But half my robots have been mishearing or misinterpreting my commands!”

“What about Orbot and Cubot?”

 

“They never understood anything to begin with.” Then he looked around. “Where are they anyway?”

 

*******************************************************

 

Knuckles paused in the halls and scratched his head. “What did I come down here for?”
Then he heard what sounded to be Orbot and Cubot’s voices, muffled through a door, and singing.

He followed the sound, and punched the door down upon arrival. What he saw was Orbot and Cubot with a karaoke set, Orbot wearing a blonde wig and Cubot in a rainbow clown wig.

 

“Uh. This is not what it looks like.” Orbot said.

“What does it look like?”

“Definitely not like we’re putting on costumes and singing show tunes if that’s what you were thinking.” Cubot responded.

Orbot slapped his forehead.

“Whatever it is, can I join you?”

“Sure! Just get a wig from that closet.”

*******************************************************

“Aha!” Eggman exclaimed. “I found the problem. It’s a bug in the system.”

Tails fiddled with wires, occasional zaps and sparks flying. “A computer bug or a real bug?”

“Both, actually. Hey, what did you do?! You’ve tangled the cables even more now!”

“I was following your schematics!”

“That was your first mistake. Move over.” He said as he shoved the fox out of his way.

Tails sighed and moved over to a different section.

“Be careful over there! That stuff is fragile.”

“You mean like your ego?”

“Exactly.”

The lights flickered as Tails pulled something out of the circuit board. “Why is there a rubber duck in here?”

“For insolation. And emotional support. Put that back in.”

“And you wonder why your robots don’t work.” Tails mumbled as he wedged the duck back into its spot.

*******************************************************

“Are you done?” Sonic asked, leaning bored against the wall watching Amy fight the chef robot.

“How could you say that kind of carpet is good for interior design?!” She yelled at it. “They ruin an entire room!” She hit it with her hammer again.

Sonic yawned.

The robot binged. “Making an omelet.”

Amy panted and huffed, hair everywhere.

Sonic opened one of the two eyes he had shut from boredom. “At least it’s making some kind of food now. And cartoons say violence isn’t the answer.” He snorted.

She smiled at him, pressing her hair back into place. “Oh.” She giggled, blushing. “It was nothing.” She spun around. “Robot! Make a salad!” She smacked it.

“Really, Amy? A salad?”

“You need to eat healthier. It’s good for- WOAH!” She screamed as the robot picked her up, announcing “Making a really Amy salad.”

“Oh no ya don’t!” Sonic yelled, spin-dashing into it. It crashed against the counter and Amy flew into the air and then landed in his arms.

“Oh, Sonic! You saved-”

He dropped her on the floor. “All in a day’s work.” He smirked.

The robot made a “ZZZZT” sound, sparks exploded from it, and then all the lights went out. (In the rest of the lair, all the other robots did the same.)

“Sonic, what did you do?!” Amy leapt up.

“I guess Eggman’s lair just can’t handle my electrifying presence.” He put his fists on his hips.

Amy rolled her eyes. “I really doubt that’s it.”

*******************************************************

 

“Woah-ho!” Eggman exclaimed, looking at the downed lights. “Good job, genius! You broke the whole place. I hope you're proud of yourself.”

Tails looked around too. “It wasn't me. I think the storm blew out an electrical fuse.”

“Only because you took the duck out!”

“Did you even listen to what I just said?” Tails flew up to the top of the room to see if there was a fuse box in the box in the room.

“If you’re looking for dignity, you won’t find it up there.” Eggman told him.

“Only because it’s your house. And I’m looking for a fuse bo- AH!” He leapt into the vent closest to him as thunder clapped again.

Eggman tapped his foot and scowled up at the vent. “You’re gonna get fur trapped in my ventilation system for weeks, you insufferable hairball!”

Sticks, who was somehow already in the vents, hissed at Tails. “You can’t trick me, you robot designed to look like Tails!” She paused, squinting, taking in his pinned back ears. “Wait. Robots don’t look so pathetic. But I’m not takin’ any chances.” She patted him on the head and scrambled away.

He raised one ear in confusion.

*******************************************************

“AHHH!” Knuckles screamed, running away from Orbot and Cubot, who were sparking and yelling gibberish. “Is this part of a game? Can I spark too?” He flailed.

“OOF!” He slammed into a door

Notes:

SORRY, sorry, if you got really into it! If you leave a comment of despair, I might finish the story...?