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Things were so bad and even with a foggy mind and blurry vision Sam knew this. He was aware that they needed to stop something and save someone. That's what they did. They couldn't stop just because Sam was more than banged up and feverish.
Castiel. Neither knew where he was. That was a start to whatever was going on. He tried to sit up and voice this fact, but Dean was pushing him back down and trying to calm him. He felt his brother's cold hand against his own burning skin as Dean moved the hair out of his face and smoothed it back. He should have been cold too. They had been out in the freezing rain and yet he didn't feel it at all.
"Dean, we've got to find Cas and stop this," it was so painful to speak but he managed to say it without losing breath before the sentence was done.
Dean was silent though and had hands pressing at him in soothing ways to try and keep the silence. It was a heavy feeling in the air and Sam knew it was Dean's unspoken worry of Castiel even being alive.
It seemed like such a short amount of time, though Sam suspected that he had drifted off, that Dean had gotten up and came back with a damp cloth rubbing it over his face.
It helped clear his mind more and he opened his eyes up to look at his older brother more clearly. Sam could see the weary look in Dean's eyes and the burden that was on him with everything. He gave and gave and took care of everyone while not getting anything in return.
"Listen, when I am better you are going to let me take care of you. You'll be the one to feel special, okay?"
Dean just looked back at him like it was the fever talking.
"I mean it," Sam pressed on wanting Dean to know that he was there when he wasn't in need. He wanted Dean to know he can have someone and especially someone he could fall back on when needed.
"I'll be the one carrying you."
Okay, that had to be the fever talking.
This cracked a smile on Dean's face, "that sounds much easier, big guy."
Dean patted him on the head, though it was gentle like he had been since Sam started getting bad. His fingers lingered in Sam's hair and there was so much affection behind it.
"Where's Kevin?"
"It's 3am, so I hope he'd be in bed sleeping."
Sam turned his gaze away from Dean and took a deep breath that hurt so bad and letting it out is worse. He should be better, but maybe Castiel was right when he said to trust him and he should have gone through with the trial.
Sam doesn't know if he feels purified. It was his point. It was the way he felt when doing them. He wanted to be free of all the bad he's done and his disappointment is so heavy on him.
"Will you stay? In here, with me?"
"I'm not going anywhere, Sam."
Dean being next to Sam makes it better. If Sam knows that he lived for Dean then that helps something. It's not a fixer. He didn't feel right with the outcome, but alive he doesn't want to let Dean down.