Archive of Our Own

Megumi never tells anyone about the bath.

Not a word falls about it, it's a remaining secret that Megumi keeps locked under. He never lets anyone know about the lasting damage it left. 

He doesn't remember. Those are the words he leaves others in their inquiry, the words he bestows upon himself when the memories well up beneath the hard dry earth Megumi tried to bury the reality under.

He doesn't remember the sludge-like liquid suffocating him, threatening to make itself home within his airways, his veins and arteries. It's enough to not remember the way the fluid sunk into every crevice of him, covering and knowing every inch of his naked body. The skin is unstained, yet Megumi scrubs it raw in showers. Ones he has to keep his head dry in, lest he wants to reduce himself to trembling limbs.

Because he remembers everything.

He almost wishes his skin were left stained. That the darkness ate itself through his paleness, left marred blacks as it sunk his will to live, like the scars he had inflicted upon himself in earlier years of his childhood. Then he'd have proof that his brain was intact, and wasn't making up horrid imaginations about it all. However he's left a crazed fool, with scratches of his bitten fingernails in his flesh and darker growing shadow crescents beneath his eyes.

The warmth of how it was worsens it all. Heat in its gentle form is a universally human need, a comfort known to all. Yet Megumi, on his bad days, now pushes uncovered ice packs to his abs, to his back. To any inch he can will it to stick. He wishes it could reach beneath the epidermis, cool his internal organs and blood flow. Maybe if he's a cold corpse the horror will lose its interest. Behind his eyes he can hear cackles of the entity that gained its notoriety through terror.

It's typhoon season. The warmest months of the year have the sorcerers working regardless, as they have the means to protect themselves.

Megumi is called to action together with Nobara and Yuji, neither of the other two carrying the usual mix of sarcasm and enthusiasm. None of them are particularly ecstatic about being in these conditions.

"I'm telling you, it gets worse every year." Nobara hisses as they step into an abandoned business building, her brewing speech not unlike the rural complaints of the town she despised growing up in. She's talking about the increasingly aggressive downpour outside, which they've not so gracefully escaped.

Megumi grunts as Yuji shakes his body wildly next to him to try and rid himself of the excessive moisture clinging to him. At least the water is cold, Megumi thinks to himself. Nonetheless, his skin is already crawling with how his clothes and hair stick to him, how water droplets trail down him and obscure his eyes before he blinks them away. They're not drenched, but they're not bone-dry either. It's a rather simple nuisance. "Let's just make sure we get this over with quickly."

Sometimes Megumi is sure the higher-ups like seeing them lose their mind in suffering. With the intel they do have - there being a first or second grade curse - this mission should be rather easy. He doesn't know why there's three of them being assigned here. Then again, the intel tends to be inaccurate and a major underestimate, and then again, the weather is not exactly in their favor. Nue won't be of help to him here.

"Let's split up." Megumi suggests. There's a lot of stories in the building, so they'll need to scope out quite a bit of space.

"I'll work from the top down!" Yuji declares, skipping half of the steps as he makes his way up the stairway.

Nobara accompanies Megumi to the other staircase, the one leading down. But as she looks down at the dark murkiness of still water peeking in she turns up her nose.

"I am not going down there." She declares, her stubbornness iron-clad. Megumi knows better than to argue with her. However.

"Seriously? You could stand to do the dirty work sometimes." His hatred, his phobia for the flooded underground is stronger than his sense and dislike for arguments.

"Dirty work as in bathing in some unknown gross water? No thanks. I'll leave this to you."

Megumi can't help the viciousness that threatens to crawl out. No, he can't tell her. The fear that strikes him must remain in his gut. So he blames her attitude for his anger. "Don't boss me around." He glances at the water, which is cast in shadow from the stairs above.

"What, scared to get your feet wet? I'll see you later." 

"You're the one who's... Ugh." Megumi only watches as she takes the stairs up as well. Given that there are a lot more levels above than below ground, she'll take a while. Even with Yuji's aid and speed.

And he himself shouldn't be too long. Since it's just one floor.

One very flooded floor.

Damnit.

His heart is already constricting in his chest, which he despises. He takes quiet, long breaths in, holds them in his lungs to feel them. Then exhales, and descends step by step. He feels as if he is walking himself straight into purgatory.

His body remembers, is terrified. The suicidal inclinations stored away within him awaken once again. Looking down at his feet as they approach and sink into the water, he kind of really wants to die. Not unlike the bath, he really doesn't know what soaks into his clothes, clings to his upper thighs where the level now stands.

The water is cold, he repeats to himself in attempts to calm his mind. To differentiate between what he has lived through and what is now.

The water is cold, he tells himself as he sinks lower, the height of his waist now sunken and invisible.

Then he slips, just as he was about to get his bearings.

He gasps, arms flailing and catching the rotting, rusted railing made of wood and metal. His knuckles go white with the grip he has on it.

The water merely reached his shoulders, licked at the expanse of his neck. But Megumi's head is reeling.

His ever-pounding heart thunders as he finally reaches the bottom of the stairs, where the water only rises to his ribs. Thankfully.

Nevertheless, his head won't stay clear, won't focus. Why is he down here? 

It's so dark, he wants out. 

The water around him is getting warm from his body heat, he needs to move. 

Keep it cold.

The cold, he needs it to be cold. 

He can still breathe, just needs to get used to it.

He wades down a long hall, the lowest level of the building. It's quiet whenever he stops. He really wishes it wasn't so damn dark.

He flinches to a stop when there's a creaking noise.

The weight that suddenly descends upon him isn't heavy. It's still a collapsed flooring, it's thick and sturdy, but Megumi has held his own against heavier.

But not after all that happened, not after him already vividly remembering it as of currently. Not after his soul already was crushed once. Crumbled sheets of paper, sheets that have been rotten and soaked in ink, fail to have the same sturdiness as ones new.

Pathetic soft sobs slip out of him as his arms shake. "Please. Please, no." He begs pitifully, his words reflected back at him as he speaks to the closer-growing surface of murky liquid. "No, no, no..." He gasps out. His footing is weak on the slippery surface.

He falls, his weakened knees give out.

He sinks.

The buzzing in his skull gets unbearably loud then. He holds his breath, but oxygen is scarce when his heart and brain is eating the amount it is in its panic. 

He slips out beneath the heavy, crumbling material, freeing himself from the physical weight. He pushes his feet to the ground, and...

There's no air to reach. Not at the level of before.

Megumi loses his breath as his mouth falls open.

His feet kick swiftly as he swims further up, his hands reach up. They break the surface, and so does Megumi's pounding, dizzy head.

He gasps for air, coughs, wiping miserably at his face, failing to get himself dry with stained palms. There's some kind of oil mixed in with the water. He guesses at least, it's still dark as ever, and he can't make anything out.

Then he hears it. The rush of water close by. He closes his aching eyes, swims closer to it. He needs to rely on his other senses for now. The stench that fills his nose even more now is agitating.

His hands find the origin of the noise. They curl around nothing but a rushing stream of water. One of the pipes broke. And is filling this level with more water.

"Fuck." Megumi's voice is fried as he speaks, his mouth dry. He needs to get out, get back up the stairs.

But where are the stairs?

He tries to remember the basic layout of when he first came here. But he has no sense of direction anymore. Everything's spinning still.

"You need to chill out." Megumi tells himself in a whisper. He's not this pathetic on missions. He can already hear Nobara cackling at his soaked state, comparing him to a freshly-bathed crumpy kitten. He's not in danger, he'll be fine and get out of here.

His breath halts when a sharp, familiar voice worms into his brain. He managed to keep them quiet, until now. Now, he's panicking. Scared.

You killed them all.

She died because of you. So did he.

You should give yourself to me. It's useless.

"Please... Just shut up..." Megumi breathes out brokenly, heaving inhales keeping him barely afloat. He wants to focus on what's at hand.

Yet, he really does want to, in some twisted way. Die. Drown. He hates how his skin crawls, how his body shakes. Hates that the water is inescapable, claiming all surface of him in its oily grotesqueness.

He really wants to die.

However, that emotion isn't new. He's felt it before. It's not one singular instance either, that he can point his finger on. And on second thought, it's less of a reoccurring theme, and more of a constant background noise that sometimes flares up. It has gotten better in the last few years. Or Megumi got better at handling it. Though he considers the former more likely.

But now he's right back where he was in the bath. With Sukuna in his mind, tearing him down, tying shackles to his wrists and ankles, keeping him there and unmoving. Something thick clogs his throat and the image of Sukuna slicing off Yuji's finger and pushing it down his esophagus dominates his mind. The memory makes him ill, he has to swallow down a few times to counteract the bile that claws up his throat.

His eyes, as he has opened them, have grown slowly accustomed to the darkness. And in his fragile-built hope, Megumi figured he'd see the light from the staircase.

There's nothing for him to see.

He can't see anything still. Which means that the way of which he came from collapsed as well.

Megumi's heart stops at that realization.

◇

"Oh, that was fast." Nobara grins when she sees Yuji hopping down the stairs with vigor. "Did you find anything?"

Yuji pouts. "No, it's like this building is wiped clean. Maybe their lead was wrong. Might be in another building." He rubs the back of his head as he presents his theory.

"If I find out you read the address wrong I'm wringing your neck, just so you know." Nobara hisses in return. She wishes to get back as soon as possible, take a shower and relax in her room. Having moderately soaked clothes for a prolonged period must be a new pet peeve of hers.

Yuji frowns at her in the face of the accusation. "First of all, I'm not that stupid. Second of all, Megumi was the one that led us here. So if you blame someone it should be him." He looks behind Nobara, eyebrows knitting together even further. "Where is Megumi anyways?"

Nobara shrugs, resting a hand on her hip as she swings her hammer around out of boredom. She really wishes to find this curse. "He went to the lower level of the building. I certainly would rather be caught dead than go in there." 

"You mean again?" Yuji points out, referring to the 'caught dead'.

"Zip it. Let's see if he's found anything good." She mutters, Yuji right on her heels as they chase down the staircase again, in the direction of the main lobby.

They reach the ground level soon enough. Nobara doesn't know how Yuji doesn't slip and fall with how he barely even touches the stairs. 

They go down a few steps further where Megumi went, though Nobara suddenly stops.

The stair she steps on is wet.

"What's up?" Yuji stops as well, looking at her.

"The water didn't reach this high before." She observes gravely. "Pipes or something must've burst in this damn storm." She leans on the railing to peek around the corner, where there's not a hall anymore, but a mangled mess of collapsed pipes and ceiling. Hell, the stairs above from which they came from are starting to crumble and have partly broken apart. They could've fallen there easily. "Shit."

If Megumi is still down there, he's stuck.

A blink later, Yuji is across the staircase knee deep in water, pressing himself to the corner. An overwhelming presence fills the room.

The cursed spirit they've been looking for is between them, menacing in its presence.

"Finally, some new company! I was getting bored."

Bipedal, staring at them. Able to speak, so clearly intelligent.

"Fuck." Nobara curses. This is definitely not a second or first grade curse. This is a special grade. Damn those higher-ups.

"Nobara!" Yuji yells towards her, having already jumped to bury his fists in the mangled flesh of the curse. It's healing from his punches, but is distracted nonetheless. "Go find Megumi! I'll hold it off."

"How sweet, protecting your woman." The curse croons.

It's the final straw for Nobara's already heated temper. "Disgusting." Nobara cringes. "No, I'm definitely the one who will kill you now." She readies her hammer, waiting for Yuji to leave her an opening at a bit of a distance. "Megumi can wait."

The curse looks almost humanoid when it faces her. It has markings all over its skin, the parts that aren't covered at least. 

And is that a suit and tie?

"Here!" Yuji tosses her part of the cursed spirits body, a severed pinky to be exact.

Nobara is already with a strawdoll in hand, grinning as she nails the doll and finger to the floor. "Resonance!" She yells, as Yuji lands another solid hit on the curse to keep it distracted.

The curse groans, yelps in pain. But it'll take more than that to exorcise it.

As Yuji lands a black flash, Nobara glances over at the collapsed entryway to the lower level. Water is spewing through little holes in the fractures of the collapsed material. And as much as Nobara would like to say that Megumi can wait, that they'll need to exercise this curse first, she's worried. 

If they don't wrap this up soon and Megumi is still in there, he might be in danger. And she doesn't like it, but that stirs a decent amount of fear in her.

A force to her uneasy gut sends her flying backwards into the railing. She yells, pain blooming all throughout her back.

"Nobara!" Yuji yells at her. She opens her eye again and sees that he's also been thrown around, indents and cracks on the walls. He's rather unaffected, of course. 

The lack of space is infuriating. Yuji might like close-combat with his fighting style but she does not.

"I think Megumi's in trouble." Nobara tells Yuji when he finally stills next to her, watches how his shoulders tense. She coughs, winded from the impact that hit her. Yuji steps in front of her so she can catch her breath.

"Then we should hurry."

◇

Megumi has been swimming circles, he's certain. The amount of time that has passed is unknown to him, though his lead-heavy limbs feel like he's been swimming for hours. The only sign time keeps slowly passing is the water only now forcing him into higher ground. He found an air pocket in a part of the ceiling, he guessed some kind of vent, but there's no telling how long the oxygen will last. It seems the water stopped rising in this spot at least.

He wishes he could have his shikigami help him.

You relinquished your power to me.

They are mine now.

"Shut up. Just stop fucking talking." Megumi mumbles and presses his eyes shut. The voice's monologue has been insistent, never falling silent, a constant murmur. The panic he's been experiencing has settled into his marrow, made him weary and tired. He barely has the energy to kick his feet and keep himself above the surface. He hates feeling so weak. It feels like the longer he soaks in here the more power is zapped from him.

Something swipes at his feet and he almost screams. He pulls his legs closer to his body, chilling waves flowing within him. Frightened to the core, he still has his mouth open in frantic breaths when something grasps his ankle.

Time for you to sink, Megumi.

Megumi swallows instead of spitting words of fear. Water fills his mouth. The sound of rushing water flows past his ringing ears. He's pulled down.

The warmth around his ankle is tight, doesn't budge even as he kicks at something solid. Shackles? Is he getting chained down? He doesn't wish to find out.

The pull is strong, Megumi is weak in this state. He thrashes around, his breath leaving him. The water he swallowed begs to be thrown up.

One particularly hard kick of desperation gains himself freedom. He wastes no time finding the familiar safety of oxygen above him again.

Megumi coughs as he comes up, hacks up the fluid that was clogged in his throat. What was that? What's beneath him? He couldn't see, couldn't hear anything.

Give up.

You're better off dead.

How would you ever return to a normal life?

The oxygen is getting thin. And Megumi realises with horror that the water has risen even here. He's out of options.

Fine.

He doesn't resist when the warm grasp pulls at him again. Doesn't bother taking a breath either before going down. There's no point to it anymore. He's going to drown.

He comes to. 

What?

His mind isn't there as his body reacts on instinct. Megumi turns to his side, body tensing and curling as he coughs and heaves, throwing up the water he swallowed. It's a lot. His nose burns as some of it leaks through there as well.

Also taking its part in coming up is the breakfast he ate.

He opens his eyes but everything is too bright, everything hurts looking at. His vision is made up of blurry splotches. The breaths he takes are shaky and hurt his throat with their desperation. The warmth of the bath slips from him, the cold of whatever solid surface is beneath him makes him shiver.

He doesn't feel attached to his body nonetheless. He can't move it, can't command it to do anything. Only his mouth and vocal chords are his at that moment.

"That's enough." He whispers. 

Why didn't he die?

◇

Yuji sets Megumi down carefully in the main lobby, looking around for anything they could use to get him on top of something more comfortable. Or warm.

But this place has been long abandoned. And his priority is to get Megumi recovered and breathing.

Yuji turns the limp body to the side, rubbing his knuckles firmly against Megumi's sternum. He's very worried. Megumi had kicked him away the first time he got him, so he definitely had some resistance left, but the time it took Yuji to find back wasn't as quick as he would've liked.

He lets out a sharp gasp of relief when Megumi starts moving and coughing. Empathy twists his heart when he hears the pitiful sound of vomiting.

Nobara kisses her teeth next to him. She's agitated after getting her back injured by the curse. It's exorcised now, but she wasn't satisfied with just that. She waits for Megumi to stop coughing before she speaks. "Finally. You know, speaking of the dirty work, how about actually exorcising the curse instead of splashing around in the waste pool." Nobara huffs, riled up and cocky after the victory. Yuji wishes she chose a more tactful way of waking Megumi up, though she really is angry. He hopes Megumi doesn't take it personally, she is mostly speaking this way because she's fired up. She was also very worried about him. "Are you even listening?"

Megumi has moved to sit up, leaning heavily against the railing. Yuji can see the shaking that consumes every movement of his. He assumes it's from exhaustion. But then again, was he really swimming for that long?

Megumi's eyes open. He stares at Nobara, face blank. His breaths are frantic. Yuji assumes he was close to drowning and is still catching his breath. Yet again can't help but feel Nobara is being too harsh. "Is this necessary? We beat the curse and everyone's still alive." He mumbles, trying to settle the tension.

Nobara glares at him, though her speech loses some of its bite. "If he wants me to stop he can say something. Earth to Megumi, you can quit glaring at me and actually talk." 

Megumi doesn't. He's been silent ever since Yuji pulled him out. Except... No, he isn't. His lips are moving, quietly muttering something. He just can't hear it over Nobara's talking. Megumi's eyes slip from them, focusing somewhere else.

"He's probably still mad because I put him up to it." Nobara leans in to Yuji to whisper, rolling her eye.

Yuji doesn't respond, crouches down to Megumi's level. Megumi's eyes slide back to him. Yuji can see them through the dark strands of hair that have fallen onto his face.

They're completely void. It almost scares Yuji. Megumi's eyes weren't staring at Nobara. They were looking right through her. And Yuji now too, as he stands in front of him. "Nobara, hold on." He hopes to quiet her down.

He can hear Megumi's voice, but it's unintelligible even as he turns an ear to it. And Yuji can't read lips.

"Megumi?" He waves a hand in front of Megumi's face, reaches towards him.

A sting consumes his palm. His hand gets slapped away harshly before making contact, green wide eyes snapping to where his hand was. Not a new reaction by any means from Megumi, but it's not like the other times he has done it. The impact actually hurts Yuji's wrist due to the force of it.

Then he sees it. What was so off-putting about Megumi's expression to him.

Fear is foreign on Megumi's face. Yuji has seen him vaguely afraid, when they watched a horror movie together, or in the depths of a desperate battle. But then again, the thing about Megumi's facial expressions is that they're very toned down, or usually covered in a 'healthy' coat of anger or irritation. A smile is him practically bursting out in laughter.

So one can imagine the horror that finally dawns on Yuji when he finds Megumi shaking, staring at him with wide, unfocused eyes. Eyes that are red-rimmed and irritated. Showing signs of clear despair. Because Megumi is very obviously, very visibly terrified.

And Yuji doesn't have the vaguest idea as to why.

He's such an idiot. Why didn't he realise it sooner?

"What's up with him?" Nobara asks behind him.

"I don't know." Yuji mumbles, his heart clenching when Megumi curls in against the railing. His breath is still way too harsh.

"What do you mean? You're the expert when it comes to Mr. Doom-and-Gloom." Nobara steps closer, then sees Megumi's twisted expression for what it is. "Woah." She coughs out. "I take it back. He looks terrified."

Yuji reaches out again, ignoring Megumi's attempts to push him off now. Megumi's eyes track all over his face, barely blinking. "Megumi, are you injured anywhere?" Yuji asks. He can't see any apparent blood or bleeding. But Megumi is soaked to the bone. He's cold.

Yuji looks at Nobara, then holds out a hand. "Give me your jacket." He requires, stern.

"Seriously?" She sighs but gives it to him. "Better hope this works, you're paying for the cleaning."

Yuji takes her jacket with his left hand and works to unbutton Megumi's jacket with his other one. "Let's get you into something dry." 

Megumi's hands are wrapped tightly around his wrist and palm, but don't stop him. Once his soaked jacket is off Yuji throws Nobara's over Megumi's shoulders. It'll help the cold, he hopes. Even if he can't button it shut.

Megumi immediately starts thrashing, trying to push the jacket off him. Yuji is stronger, keeps it wrapped around him. "Shh... We need to warm you up." He tells Megumi, hoping he can hear him. Megumi still shows no signs he does.

Then the mumbling gets louder. Loud as in as quiet as the things one mutters to themselves in frustration. Or fear.

"No... No, no, no..." Yuji feels sick hearing it. The Megumi he knows is collected, and doesn't let fear consume him. If he dislikes something he's angry about it.

Not in disarray. Not tearing apart under Yuji's hold, his voice breaking and giving out and little as he begs Yuji to stop what he's doing. This is different. Megumi's eyes are glossy with tears when Yuji's eyes move from his trembling body to his face.

"Get that shit off him right now." Nobara sounds unsettled and doubt, guilt, uncertainty all sink its teeth into Yuji's throat. He does, disturbed, tearing it off like the contact with Megumi burnt him. But it didn't. Megumi was ice cold under his palms.

"I don't know what's going on." Yuji whispers. "He's cold, he needs to warm up."

"I know. But clearly we need him to calm down first." Nobara puts a hand on Yuji's shoulder, then shakes her hand out when she realises that Yuji is also still wet. "You take my jacket for now. You're no good to us if you're sick and delirious either." Nobara tells him and Yuji hesitantly moves to unbutton his jacket. "It's not like we're going anywhere in this weath-"

"Let me die."

Megumi's voice rings out, silencing them both.

“Why didn't you let me die?” Megumi asks, voice akin to his body: Shaken, unstable. But not mumbling anymore. The same volume as theirs.

“What?” Yuji is taken aback. Nobara's utter confusion mirrors him as she has her eyes cast on Megumi as well.

“I killed them. I killed Tsumiki, I killed Gojo. Why didn't you let me drown?” Megumi's voice grows louder, more agitated. The eyes of the other start to grow watery, threatening to spill over. “I want to die. Let me die.”

Yuji can't tell the amount of honesty in the confession. Megumi could still be very out of it, or coming back to them now.

"I'll try to reach Ijichi." Nobara tells Yuji quietly, realising this is a conversation she shouldn't be privy too. She's seeing much more of Megumi that he'd like her too if he was in a calm state of mind.

But...

Yuji is afraid that this is Megumi lucid, that this is him responding to them again. That dying is his honest wish.

Yuji feels something akin to his heart shattering. “Don't say that.” He can't help but respond. He can't let such a statement stand. Not after everything.

“It's true and you know it.” Megumi tells him, eyes truly looking at him now. He coughs again, planting his hands firmly on the railing and pulling himself up. His legs are anything but firmly planted. His arms shake from the exertion.

Then he slips. Yuji presses both hands around Megumi's ribcage to catch him. “Megumi. You need to sit down. Take some deep breaths, okay?” He bites out, the upsetting statement from before still ringing back in his mind.

Megumi's hands fly atop his, pulling and scratching in attempts to make him let go. Yuji doesn't budge, watches as Megumi's breathing picks up again and gains on pace. Yuji begs him internally to stay here, to not slip back to where he came from.

“Megumi, look at me. Please.” He softens his voice. He hates how agitated he got, knowing that it probably only worsened Megumi's frightened state. Yuji just wishes he knew what is going on in Megumi's head. “You're okay. Just take a second to breathe.” 

“No. Let me go.” Megumi's hands have broken skin now. Yuji bites back hisses of pain when blood trickles out. Then Yuji pulls him even closer. 

By pressing their bodies together, he hugs Megumi tightly to him. Megumi struggles in his hold, now also pushes at Yuji's shoulders to free himself, but it's to no avail.

As Yuji winds his arms tighter, Megumi's breaths turn into sobs. Fear and confusion leaking out of the other with the deep pressure he applies. Yuji's chest hurts even worse at the sound. It's so unlike Megumi, so panicked and raw.

Yuji feels violent when the tossing from the other mildens. When Megumi slowly relaxes involuntarily, giving up, Yuji feels like a killer choking out his prey. He hopes it doesn't feel that way for Megumi.

Yuji moves away from the stairs, his hands now stroking up and down Megumi's sides once they're standing still. He engulfs Megumi completely in his arms.

“Deep breaths. In…” He takes one in front of him to model after. “... And out.” 

He pulls back just a little, to give Megumi space to breathe and to check in on where he stands. Megumi looks lost, scared. Completely out of his element. Like he shouldn't be here. Megumi's eyes flit away from him, back to the staircase. The water. 

“Look at me, Megumi. Don't look there.” Yuji rubs his knuckles over Megumi's ribs. It doesn't work.

"I'm putting this jacket on you now, okay? You're very cold." There's only so much his body heat can do. He too has swam through the cold water.

He takes Nobara's jacket off his shoulders, carefully wrapping it around Megumi, holding the collar shut. Megumi's slim enough for it to cover him, but it fails to warm his midsection. "Lets go sit you down."

Unlike before, Megumi doesn't protest. He's eerily unresponsive again, isolated. Yuji leads, almost carrying him to one of the seating arrangements in the lobby, sitting him down. He crouches in front of Megumi, moving until he catches his eye. “Hey. C'mon. I know you can.” He models yet another deep breath, watches as Megumi tries but coughs immediately. Yuji grasps his hands in his for reassurance.

“Okay. Okay. You can try again.” Megumi looks disheartened, but eventually tries again. This time it's shaky, but there. A deep, rattling breath. 

“That's good.”

“I'm sorry.” Megumi coughs out, yet again choking on a breath.

“Shhh.”

“I don't know why… I thought I was back there.” Megumi looks away, past Yuji and the stairs.

“Back where? Can you tell me what happened?” Yuji isn't so sure he wants to know what caused Megumi to look so terrified, to be so out of it.

Megumi hesitates, pauses. “... I don't…” He stares at his own feet, Yuji putting his hands on Megumi's knees to pull his focus. This time Megumi doesn't push him off. “I didn't tell you everything. About what happened when I was Sukuna's vessel.”

The name alone has Yuji bristling. The hairs on the back of his neck stand, scarred skin prickling from all the injuries he has that person, that curse to thank for. Memories of that battle are nothing more than fury-inducing to him. The visions of Megumi with dark ink on his body haunt his nightmares.

“What happened?” He channels the calmest tone he can utter, but he has always worn his heart on his sleeve. Yuji's grip tightens on Megumi's kneecaps. Something fiery and dangerous is boiling in his gut.

“Yuji.” Megumi responds, his tone a warning.

“Tell me what happened.” Yuji demands now. The comfort is still there, the part that yearns to keep Megumi under his wing and nurse him back to calmness. The part of Yuji that had confessed how lonely he would be without Megumi by his side. The one that held Megumi's wishes dear, knows how he wanted to live his fragile life eating home cooked meals, drying laundry in soft winds. A version of Megumi that would be able to grow used to tenderness.

But Megumi didn't get that. He had to live through so much, and yet still more than Yuji knows. It's all Yuji's fault. And that makes Yuji vicious.

“You're getting angry.” Megumi observes. When Yuji doesn't respond and solely stares at him, he gives in, grimacing a little at the awkward silence before he speaks.

“It was a ritual of some kind. I remember a warm bath, where Sukuna submerged me. Made it so I couldn't fight back against him.” Megumi keeps it short, twitching in discomfort as a shiver chases through him. The damage is done, though, and he can't stop himself once the dam is broken. "I've been struggling with it. I can't shower easily unless it's ice cold. Sometimes my skin crawls just thinking about what had taken over me. So this just... Got me into a bad mindset, that's all."

Yuji clenches his jaw, a tense breath let out through his nose. He closes his eyes, takes another grounding breath before speaking. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“Because of this.” Megumi gestures with a headnod to Yuji. “You getting very angry. And upset.”

Yuji stands up, and has to move his body to get rid of the excess energy welling up within him. “Sorry, am I not meant to? Hearing that he tortured you like that?” Yuji can't help the increase in his volume.

Megumi sighs, almost resigned. “You can get upset. But I don't want this to be on you, and you tend to blame yourself for everything. And I also didn't want to tell you because my dignity can only be violated so much." It's hard for him to make himself vulnerable around others. He wishes to avoid it as much as possible. But even he knows that he and Yuji are way past that.

"Well it is my fault." Yuji speaks, stubborn, though lowers his gaze. He needs to be at fault, so he can atone. Can apologise. "And I'm so, so sorry that this happened to you." He looks at the floor, chewing at the inside of his cheek.

"No, it isn't. I'm not accepting your dumbass apology." Megumi huffs morosely as he stands up as well, wrapping Nobara's jacket around himself. "We can play the blame game back and forth forever. There's no point to it." 

Yuji glares at him, though can't keep an irritated expression, can't keep the tension when he looks at Megumi. The overwhelming urge to wrap the other in his warmth, keep him in his arms out of harm's way, it consumes him. Megumi is trembling from the cold alone now, teeth clattering, hair dripping and stuck to his forehead. His clothes almost slew off him with how heavy they are, leaving tracks on the seating where he was and the path he crossed with Yuji's help.

Megumi doesn't want Yuji's pity. And he understands that.

Yet he wishes to disregard that desire nonetheless.

"D-did you find the curse?" Megumi asks him, a wave of shivers racking through him.

"We exorcised it." Yuji nods softly. It takes him a lot to calm down again. "Special grade." He adds with a sigh.

Megumi snarls. "Damn higher-ups. Sorry I couldn't be of much help."

"Well, for the record, I'm not accepting any 'dumbass' apologies either." Yuji tells him, voice firm, maybe a bit too much. His words aren't unkind, but wish to shut down Megumi's negativity. What matters is that they're safe now.

Nobara returns, looking about five seconds away from punting something into the next wall. Or someone.

"Should've figured I don't have any fucking signal." She eyes Megumi, then relaxes a little. "You back with us?"

"Yeah." Megumi mumbles, face flushing in embarrassment. "Sorry you had to see that." Again, with the constant apologising.

Nobara, uncharacteristically, drops it. She's a tease, and cocky, but she knows when the joke should end. "I'd be more scared if you came out of all that mess with Sukuna unscathed, honestly. I'd probably report you for being a psychopath."

"Hah." Megumi chuckles, which is a refreshing sight for the other two's sore eyes. "Do you want your jacket back? It's all nice and doused now in whatever is in that water." He shudders after his joke and Yuji has to bite back a snort. Yeah, whatever is in that water is very gross. Yuji prefers not to think about it.

Nobara scrunches up her nose, then smiles. "I'll be a good samaritan, and let you keep it." She pats Megumi's shoulder a little too aggressively, though Megumi looks to be at ease from it. "We should find you both an actual change of clothes, though."

Roaming the lobby they miraculously find some blankets. Despite no change of clothes it's better than nothing, and atop Nobara's jacket is now a double layer of thin blankets hanging over Megumi's shoulders.

Yuji has draped his jacket over one of the couches and sits next to Megumi, not shivering visibly but still very cold. Being shirtless in this large open space isn't all that pleasant. The vicious winds howl through the building and Nobara has been determined to find where it comes from, leaving some distance between the other two. Though she's still within eyesight.

Yuji breaks the silence. "What if we just went now?"

"Way too dangerous. The flash flooding has only gotten worse since we've been here." Megumi mutters. "Best to wait."

Yuji sighs, curling in on himself. He can't feel Megumi's eyes on him, even as they stare. 

"You're cold." It's Megumi's turn to break the silence now. 

"I'm fine."

"You have goosebumps everywhere." Megumi tells him, ignores Yuji as he tries to cover them up by touching his palms to his arms. He lifts his right arm, putting the blankets around Yuji's shoulders. "Here. There's enough for two."

"Much less effective now, though." Yuji can't help but comment. He can see Megumi clench his jaw.

"Yeah, well, I don't want you to get sick." He huffs. "Your self-sacrificial spiel gets on my nerves." So does his drivel about apologising, Yuji thinks to himself.

The silence stretches on, Nobara still walking circles as the sound of the storm echoes through the large hall.

"Can we talk?"

"We're already talking." Megumi mutters, though tensed against Yuji when the other spoke up. He's still on edge.

"You don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to." Yuji starts, and Megumi interrupts. 

"I know that."

"Were you..." Yuji sighs. Which way is best to approach this topic? He doesn't know how to. With Megumi especially. "Do you know that it's not your fault? That Tsumiki and Gojo died. You aren't to blame for that." 

Megumi shivers against him and Yuji isn't so sure it's from the cold. He doesn't respond, which makes Yuji give in to the need to say more.

"Earlier, you said you killed them. That's not true."

Megumi sighs. "By that logic, you can't blame yourself for what happened in Shibuya, either." He responds.

Selflessness is a fickle thing. Despite Yuji knowing it would make him a hypocrite, he feels the need to deny Megumi's statement. He's angry at Megumi for bringing it up, deep down. But he can't deny it, not anymore. If he blames himself for what happened in Shibuya, he indirectly admits that Megumi would have some kind of responsibility over Gojo's and Tsumiki's death. And as guilt-ridden Yuji is, he wouldn't ever want to imply such a burden.

"This isn't about me right now." Yuji responds instead, voice quiet. A soft reprimand. He wants Megumi to have this conversation with him. And Sukuna isn't where he wants this conversation to be headed.

"Then what are you saying?" Megumi speaks, low in volume as well.

"How honest were you back there?" Yuji can't ask directly, not yet. The concept of the words are too heavy on his tongue, the topic sensitive in his war-worn palms. Suicide. How does he go about handling such a thing? When it seems so deeply engraved within Megumi? If he touches it, will it burn Megumi? Will it hurt as if Yuji ripped it out of him? He can't push Megumi.

"My feelings were amplified by fear. But they're how I feel."

Yuji was afraid of that answer. He was so afraid, and now it's true. Hanging in this vacant hall, clinging to their cold bodies as their sides press together.

"You want to die." Yuji states, feels Megumi still. Yuji wants to follow up with something, to ease the words more, but he takes too long to think.

He wishes his statement received a counter argument. It doesn't. It's met with agreement. "Yeah. Sometimes, it's all I think about." Megumi answers, his voice numb. Unaffected. It's truthful, Yuji knows it. Megumi isn't fidgeting, and isn't avoiding eye contact when Yuji looks at him. He's being honest.

It's painful. Yuji's heart is heavy in his chest.

"It's old news by now. I'm used to it." Yuji ignores how badly he wishes to interfere, how Megumi's words are a vice around his throat, interrupting every other breath. He takes the syllables in careful hands, gives them to the parts of him that cling to Megumi with all their might. 

None of what Megumi says makes it better, only self-aware. But Megumi probably knows that. And Yuji should listen to him, let him finish first. At its core, this conversation is about Megumi and should remain such.

It's not his fault that Yuji feels inseparable to him.

"It's background noise, most of the time. And I don't think it's something that can be fixed. Not that it would be anyone's problem but mine. They aren't that bad, except for when I have episodes like this."

"But you want to die when that happens?" Yuji finally responds, when he feels Megumi has given him the space to. He's almost afraid Megumi has forgotten he's here, and will startle.

Megumi doesn't startle. But something in his face breaks. Something that he was able to resist the first time Yuji asked that question.

Megumi's voice is breathless. "Stop asking me that." He begs him. He puts his head in his hands. "Why do you need to ask me that?"

"Because I care." Yuji answers the easy question. The question that remains light, despite the topic that weighs it all down.

"I hate that you do, sometimes." Megumi turns his head away, to where Yuji can't see anything. He whispers, there's some venom contained in it all. Luckily, Yuji is resistant to such poisons. Especially from the ones he loves. "You care so much."

"So do you." Yuji tells him. "You pretend you don't. But you do. You show it in the small ways that matter." He chuckles weakly, ignores the tears in the corner of his eyes. "We've lived through too much to not care for each other." He presses just a little closer to the other. Ever so slightly.

"I... I couldn't hate you if I tried." Megumi whispers, corrects his previous statement. "I just don't want to become a burden to anyone, if I get bad again." And Yuji understands why he thinks that. Losing his loved ones in vile displays of war, it has created this fear of abandonment. That people might grow weary of him.

But as fate wants it, Yuji doesn't ever plan on letting go. He needs Megumi just as badly as Megumi needs him. "I know that you won't."

"You don't know anything, Yuji." Megumi looks at him again. "What are you going to do, if I live for no one but you?"

Yuji has a feeling that such is already the case. That when he told Megumi he would be lonely without him, that when Megumi's soul had lost all will to live. Yuji knows now that such is a constant, an ebb and flow in Megumi's life. That it will get to a bad point again. But he doesn't care for simple weather like that. There are no deal-breakers to binding vow-like commitments.

"Then I will make sure I live long enough." 

A part of Yuji has been tainted by all the darkness that has been weighing on his shoulders with stress. That his initial stance on life and death has changed, that his wants for people to die an honest death has adapted. That his cherishing for those he loves has corrupted and become skewed. Yuji doesn't just want Megumi to die on him, he never wants Megumi to leave. There's an innermost fracture of Yuji's soul that has become irreversibly attached to Megumi. That has tasted his soul and mixed with it, has become inseparable from it.

Yuji doesn't always appreciate such a fate. Sometimes he becomes angry, becomes possessive. Wishes to sink his hands deep into Megumi's flesh and leave marks for not only the other to remember but for others to see. It's violent, almost animalistic, and Yuji dislikes how he cannot separate the thoughts from his will, and cannot disagree with what is said. He has those urges and they fail to be intrusive. They're honest wishes.

"I want you to be able to live the life you wanted to live." 

Megumi swallows. "What about your own life?"

"I don't think of mine as separate from yours anymore. And I wouldn't put it past myself to not make it much further without you." Yuji speaks honestly, though it does sound embarrassing. "You saved me too. I want you to remember that." He clears his throat, wipes his sweaty hands on his still drying pants. "What I mean to say is I don't mind staying by your side. Even if it gets bad and I'm the only thing holding you together."

Megumi shifts in his seat, pressing himself closer to Yuji. He doesn't reply after that.

"Hey, not to go back on my word, but could I have my jacket back? It's really damn cold here." Nobara has since returned, having found an open window and closed it, eliminating the whistling winds from the air. The loud sounds of rain battering against the roof and windows is still there. 

"Sure." Megumi shrugs her jacket off, handing it to her. It's warm now due to his bodyheat, which she appreciates. 

"Phew, thanks. You guys look cozy." She grins impishly.

"I'm using him for his body heat." Megumi jokes monotonely, nodding towards Yuji who gasps in dramatised offense.

"Yeah, that's not a bad idea. Good thing you're useful for once, Yuji." She tucks her hands under her armpits to warm them, laughing as Yuji gapes at her.

"I'm leaving you and taking the blanket." Yuji threatens Megumi, who smiles softly in amusement. 

"How heroic of you." 

Yuji sighs. "Does it look like the rain will let up soon?" Nobara shakes her head in answer. "Looks to be getting worse. But hey, maybe it'll stop suddenly."

"Any luck with Ijichi?" Megumi asks.

"Not exactly. My phone's a bust I'm pretty sure." Nobara mutters, hugging herself tighter. "Yuji, scoot over." She then demands, nodding her head so Yuji will move more into the middle of the couch so she can take his other side.

"I really don't appreciate your tone today." Yuji rolls his eyes playful but scoots over, Megumi staying tucked to his left side. Nobara sits down to his right, wiggling around to make herself comfortable. "Not another word. Damn this couch is uncomfortable." She settles eventually. Yuji considers taking her under his arm so she'd be warmer, but then again he kind of likes his right arm and wants to keep it.

"Figured. My phone's dead after my whole spa day." Megumi mumbles, staring at the black screen of his smartphone.

"Which means mine's no better." Yuji snorts. He didn't remember to take it out of his pocket before getting in to save Megumi.

"And who told you you shouldn't just dive into the water right away?" Nobara asks, always determined to have the last laugh.

"Was I meant to let Megumi drown? You looked more worried than I was, Nobara." Yuji brings up, knowing it'll put the focus back on her instead of his lapse in judgement.

"Was she now?" Megumi's pleased sound is clear as day.

"Yeah well if he died I'd definitely get blamed for it. Since I made him go. So shut it." Nobara huffs.

"Keep telling yourself that." Megumi responds, lightly teasing. Yuji startles a little when the other rests his head on his shoulder and reaches for his left hand.

Yuji can tell that Megumi must be feeling very tired, and might be trying to occupy his mind with something else. He lets Megumi's hand engulf his left one, the other's lithe fingers tracing his knuckles, the nubs of his pinky and ring finger. Yuji rests his head atop Megumi's, watching what he does. He occasionally glances over to Nobara, who has her back against his shoulder. She's shivering too, now.

Carefully moving his right arm so as to not alert her, he moves it from behind her to her side. Yuji moves slowly, making his intentions clear. 

"You're not getting any warmer like that. Come here." He offers to wrap his arm around her ribs, which she seems fine with because she leans more into him. "Fine." She lets up, scoots even closer. Yuji can feel her cold seep into him. The blanket is just long enough for him to wrap around her front.

"Before you say anything, I'm aware that this is gross. But it's better than you getting sick." Yuji tells her and she hums. 

"I actually think you're always gross, so this isn't all that different." She chuckles, then lets a small pause settle before she speaks again. "How's our drowning victim?" 

Yuji turns his head a little. Megumi's hands have stalled around his palm. His breathing is slow, deep. "I think he fell asleep." He answers quietly.

"Seriously?" Nobara whispers. "I guess that episode really did drain him." She takes a deep breath and tucks herself more into Yuji's ribs. "I don't know how you did it but you calmed him down."

"I don't know if I helped him all that much." Yuji confesses. He thumbs over Megumi's right palm, finding the pulsepoint in his wrist. Soft thuds against his fingerprints. "We're all dealing with a lot. Him especially." He leans his head on Megumi's briefly again. His hair is somewhat dry now, at least. But still greasy.

"Don't sell yourself short. You got just as much baggage as he has. If not more." Nobara mumbles. "Then again it's not a competition. But you should stop with the selfless bull. Both of you."

"So we should be more like you?"

"In terms of self-preservation, yeah. You throw yourself into danger head first for him." Nobara explains and Yuji feels it's supposed to imply something.

"I'd do that for everyone." He would. He wouldn't want Nobara to be harmed again either.

"Because you're Yuji Itadori. And a major idiot." 

"The name doesn't come with that descriptor?" Yuji questions and smiles softly.

Nobara scoffs, humored. "I guess not. The descriptor comes when Megumi Fushiguro is added to the equation." Nobara nudges him. "Though I guess I'm glad you guys can be suicidal idiots together. Not me, though. I plan to grow old and wrinkly. Wanna be a cool old hag, better than my mother ever was." She elaborates decisively.

"Sounds like you." Yuji agrees. Then decides to ask something more high-risk. This situation has drained them all, but given the rare occasion that they can talk more vulnerably to each other in return. Maybe Nobara will let him in a little. "How was visiting her?"

She doesn't hesitate like Yuji expects her to. "Real boring. I couldn't care less about what she was up to." Nobara replies easily. "At least I can truly put it past me now."

"That's true." He chews on his lip, contemplating his words. "I'm sorry you didn't have a great mom. Though I think you turned out pretty cool regardless."

Nobara stills against him, then laughs softly. "Don't be such a sap, it's almost gross." She elbows his side, then leans her head back onto his shoulder. "Thanks. I know I'm cool."

The quiet sets in and Yuji takes it to listen to Megumi's soft snores. He's actually sleeping. Yuji hopes he doesn't wake up with a stiff neck later. He tries to keep his shoulder relaxed, making it as comfortable as possible.

"How was meeting Ozawa last winter? You said you ran into her in Sendai?" Nobara's question pulls his focus back from Megumi. Seems she's been meaning to ask that question for a while, or has run out of other things to talk about.

"Oh, yeah, she's doing okay. Which we already knew, but I was glad to see for myself. We went to get some coffee while it snowed." Yuji smiles. "Felt pretty nostalgic."

"Sounds like a fun date." Nobara remarks.

Yuji's face suddenly feels hot. "A date? No, that wasn't... We just had some coffee together." He shakes his head, feeling flustered.

Nobara groans. "Ugh, You really are dense. She should move on from you already."

"Wait, move on? What do you mean?" 

"Do you guys ever shut up?" A third voice intervenes before Yuji gets his answer.

"So he lives." Nobara declares dramatically. "Convenient timing, Megumi."

"How long was I out?" Said person parts from Yuji's shoulder. There's a red spot from the pressure of Yuji's shoulder on his cheek. He still looks tired.

"A few minutes." Yuji gives him a reassuring smile, unperturbed by Nobara's thrown in 'more like half an hour'. "Sorry for waking you. You can sleep more if you'd like."

Megumi shakes his head, taking the blanket off his shoulder so Yuji can and Nobara can have it. "I'm good. I need to move before I grow roots here." He slides off the couch and stands, stretching his arms above his head. Then his face twists, followed by a bitten-back sneeze. Yuji definitely doesn't find it adorable.

"Achoo! Ugh." Megumi holds his head, pressing the back of his hand to his forehead. "I'm gonna check if the rain is letting up." He decides, sniffling as he walks away from the two.

"If he catches a cold I'm putting you in charge." Nobara tells Yuji, before he can say a word.

"Can we go back to what you said earlier about Ozawa?" Yuji asks instead.

"Nope. But you're definitely hopeless when it comes to people having a crush on you." Nobara rolls her eyes.

"People?" As in multiple?

Nobara chokes back her laughter. "Oh my god."

"Hey. Rain is letting up soon. I'm not sure Ijichi can drive with the flooding anyways, I'd say we book it." Megumi returns with a light jog in his step, pointing to the exit with his thumb.

Now that Megumi is pointing it out, Yuji notices how the sound of rainfall has gotten very quiet. 

Despite how gross and cold it feels, both Megumi and Yuji put their jackets back on. The three of them make their way through the town on foot, mostly quiet as they walk side by side. The sun shines through the remnants of dark storm clouds, warmth hitting their now dry skin. The streets are shiny from the moisture and the air is thick with humidity.

Yuji couldn't be more glad to come back to the school grounds. He calls dibs on the closest shower and gets himself warmed up under the hot clean spray, scrubbing himself from head to toe. He feels like he was born anew when he's in fresh and dry clothes, planting himself on the couch. It's late afternoon now, and he kind of feels like watching a movie and not moving another muscle.

Maybe Megumi would join him.

So he gets up and waddles to Megumi's room, timidly knocking on his door.

◇

Megumi feels absolutely miserable. 

His nose won't stop running, his head is pounding behind his eyes. He's definitely getting sick, and can feel the signature sensitivities that come with it. His skin feels similar to the aftermath of a sunburn, sensitive and aching like his joints. His eyes burn and his nose is clogged, while his throat feels raw.

Also he really needs a shower. A warm one.

He can tell it will trigger him into another spiral. He really wishes he could pass, just like any other bad day. But he really can't. He's dirty and there's some kind of film, an oily residue on him. It's abhorrent and he wants it off.

But instead of just getting on with it, he has been pacing back and forth like a maniac in his room. 

The knock that sounds on his door startles him greatly. 

"Yeah?" His voice is nasal, due to him only being able to really breathe through his mouth clearly.

"Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to watch a movie?" Yuji asks through the door, doesn't come in yet. Which Megumi appreciates.

He opens the door regardless, face-to-face with a freshly showered Yuji, dressed in a warm hoodie and sweatpants.

Well now he truly feels disgusting in comparison. Like the chewed gum at the bottom of someone's shoe.

"... You look a little pale." Yuji mutters and Megumi can tell he's trying to be nice.

"I'm still trying to work myself up to a shower. I'll come later." He answers and is about to close the door but Yuji holds it open.

"Oh. Do you uhm..." He stops, scratching at the scar at the corner of his mouth. People who don't finish their sentences drive Megumi nuts.

"What?" He urges Yuji to continue.

"Can I help? You said showers are stressful to you."

This must be a new low for Megumi, since he actually considers it. He's actually considering Yuji helping him shower.

Yeah, forget dignity. Megumi should in all honesty change his name and move far away from this way-too-loveable idiot of a man. He's not doing him any good.

"I realise now how that sounds. It's cool, I'll wait-"

Megumi sighs. "It's not a bad idea." He admits, stopping Yuji in his tracks. "Don't breathe a word about it to anyone. Or I'll kill you."

Yuji frowns. "I wouldn't do something like that." 

"Mhm. Let me grab clean clothes." Megumi walks back further into his room, grabbing a change of clothing and the products he usually uses. Yuji holds his hands out in a silent offer to carry them for him, but he stiffly walks past him. He has a cold, he's not on death's door and too weak to carry his own things.

The bathroom is close by and he locks the door behind him. Megumi doesn't waste much time to get it all over with, pressing down the humiliation buzzing in his core. He takes off his jacket again and unbuttons his pants, sliding them down with some effort due to it sticking to him. He cringes at the skin of his legs, still being cold and wet. His boxers are soaked.

"Uuhm, you don't have to take everything off." Yuji squeaks. He stands a meter or so away, behind Megumi.

Megumi's eyes land on him over his shoulder. "I'd prefer to. I don't exactly want to stay in dirty clothes." Megumi explains, throwing the clothes he has taken off already directly into the washing machine.

"R-riight. I could get you swimming trunks?" Yuji asks, still looking away from Megumi even as the other has stopped undressing.

"If you don't mind I don't either." Megumi tells him with a shrug. "I don't really have the luxury of dignity right now." He adds.

"Okay. I just didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You won't." Megumi reassures him. In a way, Yuji serves as a great distraction.

So does his cold. He can't even think about how terrifying the shower will be when his throat aches and is seemingly dryer with each swallow of saliva.

He slides his boxers down his legs, his back still turned to Yuji to throw that in the machine as well. When he turns around to face the other Yuji is staring at his mid section.

"Okay actually I will be if you fucking stare at me." Megumi corrects himself, instinctively covering his chest. "What is wrong with you?" His ears pulse with heat.

Yuji yelps, face turning bright red as he snaps out of his focus. "Sorry!" He bows his head dramatically. "It's just... You have a lot more scars now." He points to the sides of his ribs, where large jagged scars trace Megumi's form. 

"Oh." Megumi sighs. "They're from Sukuna's true form I'm pretty sure." He lifts one arm so Yuji can get a clearer view of it. Yuji's eyes stay on his face a lot longer than before until they glance down at the scarring, now with permission.

"Do they hurt?"

"They're scars. Scars don't hurt." Megumi wishes that was true.

Megumi steps under the shower head, hand hovering to the faucet. He almost manages to turn on the water before his body freezes on him. The typical reaction he has. He takes a deep breath in and holds it.

This is fine.

He's just taking a shower.

"How can I help?"

Megumi jumps a little at Yuji's voice. He almost forgot about him there. With a pounding heart he turns back to the other, who musters him with a worried look.

"I... Don't know." Megumi admits. "I'd appreciate it if you could help with my hair later. But I need to rinse everything else first."

"Okay." Yuji smiles softly. "You still look a little pale."

"Just stressed." Megumi presses out, his jaw tense. 

Yuji's presence helps, he's humiliated to admit. His voice and the sight of him puts a damper on Megumi's wild-running instinctual fears, giving him something to hold onto other than the fact that his body hurts and that he's about to put himself under warm water.

He feels bad that he's essentially forcing Yuji to watch him shower.

'What I mean to say is I don't mind staying by your side. Even if it gets bad and I'm the only thing holding you together.'

Yuji's words echo in his head. Right. He did say that.

Maybe he should just do this for Yuji instead. Not for his cold, or the dirt covering his body. It would make Yuji happy, he's pretty sure. If not for taking care of himself then to get him out of this awkward situation quicker. And it feels easier to face his fears for someone that deserves such courage. Someone who is worthy of the effort.

He keeps his body somewhat turned to Yuji as he turns the faucet, starting the water. He flinches a little as the spray hits his shoulder, but manages to calm down considerably after he takes a few breaths.

Yuji's here. He's okay. 

He turns the temperature up to make sure it's warm enough, steps more under the showerhead until the warmth rinses off his nape. 

His head isn't in the water. He's okay.

After that he kind of tunes everything else out. He scrubs at his skin harder than necessary, which does gain him a few concerned looks from Yuji but no comments. Once he's done he shuts off the water for a moment, the room falling silent.

The bathroom is foggy from the hot shower, Yuji's face flushed all the way to his neck. He has since taken off his hoodie, now in a shirt instead. Megumi still feels a bit too vulnerable for comfort.

"Towel?" Yuji offers him one, large enough to cover his hips. "If you're still up for me washing your hair, you can sit down on the stool over there." He points out the small item of furniture tucked away in the corner, usually unused. Megumi is now very glad for it.

Megumi wraps the soft towel around his hips and tucks the end in, nodding. His head feels like it's stuffed with cotton. At least his sinuses are clearing with all the warm steam.

A few moments later Yuji stands next to him with the showerhead in his hand, Megumi hunching over to make it easier to only soak his hair and not his entire body. He shudders, dreading what comes next.

"Hey. I'm here. If it's too much you tell me to stop." Yuji's soft voice sounds beside him. 

"I'm okay." Megumi lies. He fiddles with his fingers, trying to calm himself in any way he can. It takes him true effort to not get off the chair and run out.

Yuji is gentle as he presses the outer edge of his left palm to Megumi's hairline, to make sure the water wouldn't get into his eyes. Megumi can hear the hiss of water only faintly, until he can hear and feel it brush the crown of his head. He feels Yuji's presence as a firm body against his side. Yuji's soft sweatpants are sure to be wet by the end of this, though he doesn't seem to care. He's quiet until Megumi's hair is dripping thoroughly with water.

It's not as bad as the usual bad days. Megumi can focus a lot more on his breathing, and doesn't get the chance to chicken out or do it half-assed when he isn't in control of the shower. It should feel more terrifying than it does, to let up the lead.

Nonetheless he lets out a sigh of relief when the water stops. He's still shaking like a leaf, almost not feeling Yuji when he runs a hand through his hair. 

"I didn't get any in your eyes, did I?"

"N-No, I'm good." Megumi responds, looking up at Yuji. The other has his back to him, getting Megumi's shampoo for him. Any distance between them now feels almost fatal. Megumi is a complete wreck if he can't sense Yuji in some way, like he's actively bleeding out and Yuji is the person keeping pressure on the wound. Whether it be sight, touch, hearing, he needs Yuji in his senses. All of them.

Megumi's throat aches when he thinks about the sense of taste. He's quick to swallow such a thought down, cutting it by what he mistakes as its root, but is only one of hundred branches.

"Need a break?" Yuji asks him, and there's the damn softness in his eyes again. If only Megumi could hate it as much as he loves it.

"No. It'll only get worse with time. I can handle it."

Yuji nods, pours shampoo into his palm. He overestimates the amount for sure, as far as Megumi can see. He uses half of that usually.

Yuji's fingers run through his hair as if he was a porcelain doll at first. They rub circles into his scalp, the soap bubbling up under his ministrations. 

"You don't have to be so gentle." Megumi tells him, feeling the other's fingertips pause before they put more pressure on his skull.

"Okay" is Yuji's reply, as he lathers the shampoo thoroughly through the strands. Megumi feels himself slowly relaxing into the touch. It feels nice, getting to keep his arms loose while his scalp is almost massaged by the other with how careful he is to get every centimeter, every follicle. A yawn escapes his sore throat before he realises.

The rinsing still scares him a little, but he's able to bear it without his thoughts spiralling too badly. Yuji stays very close to him throughout it all, always in his vicinity or directly touching him.

"All done." Yuji tells him, handing him another towel.

"Thank you for your help." Megumi stands up, ruffling his hair before he wraps the towel around his shoulders. 

"Yeah, of course. I'm happy I could help." Yuji eyes his face for something, then lets the smile on his lips mild. "I think you are catching a cold for sure though."

"Unfortunately." Megumi mutters. "You should probably get away from me before I contaminate you." 

Yuji laughs, even as Megumi doesn't joke. "Nice try. I'm making you some soup for dinner." He tells him.

"You've really done enough." Megumi insists but Yuji shakes his head, walking backwards towards the door.

"I'll let you get dressed in the meantime. Come to the couch when you're done." He tells him with a wink, ignoring Megumi's choked breath as he closes the door again behind him.

What is his problem? Not referring to Yuji, but himself. Megumi really isn't sure anymore if he hasn't lost his mind yet.

He can't ask his reflection either. All he sees when he faces himself in this state is the face of a dishevelled man staring back at him. He'd be happy to be told that the raging blush on his face is an oncoming fever.

◇

Nobara 

I'm on nurse duty tonight!

16:29

Let me know if you want chicken noodle soup.

16:30

I could go for some. Homemade?

16:42

Obviously!

16:45

Oh yeah. God forbid you don't go above and beyond for Megumi lol

16:47

:( He's really sick.

16:50

He'll survive.

16:51

Yuji chuckles at his screen, chucking the rest of the chopped vegetables into the pot to simmer. He makes enough for four people, just in case. He can keep the leftovers for tomorrow if Megumi still wants more. Liquid intake is always important, as his grandpa used to say.

He finds Megumi curled up on the couch watching TV, a box of tissues in his lap and a trashcan by his feet. It's already filled up a third with crumpled up tissues. He has pulled his knees up, currently uncovered by the blanket around his shoulders. He's in a hoodie and shorts, looking rather cozy despite his obviously scraped-up state.

"Here you go. Chicken noodle soup." Yuji offers him a bowl with a towel wrapped around its sides, so the heated ceramic won't burn Megumi. "Careful, it's hot." He adds as Megumi puts the tissue box aside in favor of taking the bowl.

"Thank you." Megumi's voice is rough as he speaks.

"You're welcome. What are we watching? Oooh." He sits down next to Megumi with his own bowl, eyes locked in on what seems like an action movie. It's currently paused, the starting credits written in the bottom left corner. They're currently displaying the executive producer.

"Figured you might like it. It's advertised as an action movie, but I'm pretty sure there's romance in it somewhere." He explains, handing the remote to Yuji in case he wanted to display the summary.

"How do you always know that?" Yuji whines softly, clicking on the menu to read through the description. Though he doesn't really read, moreso listens to Megumi talk.

"Movies are very predictable. And plus, the possible love interest was already introduced and they did the obvious 'staring' thing." He puts air quotations around 'staring', the bowl settled on his lower abdomen.

Yuji raises an eyebrow, turns his head to him. "Staring thing?"

"Yeah." Megumi nods minutely, holding eye contact. "Like they lock eyes from across the room and they film it for way longer than necessary." He explains.

"Well, maybe she betrays him in the end and that's why they want us to remember her." Yuji squints at him, hoping to disrupt his confidence.

"Those two aren't mutually exclusive. And that would've been my next guess." Megumi shrugs, unaffected. Yuji groans in frustration with a defeated laugh thrown in right after. If Megumi predicts it, it's bound to come true. Though Yuji doesn't really care. A movie can still be fun even if one has a hunch about where the end will lead.

"Let's just watch it. If I'm right you owe me dessert." Yuji wiggles his eyebrows, turning the remote around in his hand.

"If you're right then I am too. And... We don't have any dessert around." Megumi looks at him in confusion.

"That's not my problem. Better get creative then." Yuji shrugs with a smug smile. He doesn't see Megumi's furious blush as his focus is redirected towards Nobara, now entering the room.

"Soup's in the kitchen. Please leave some for tomorrow." Yuji tells her before she can ask.

"Thanks. What are you guys watching?"

"Some action movie."

"Megumi's pretty sure it's a romance too." Yuji adds to Megumi's silent dismay.

"... Don't you hate romcoms?" Nobara inquires, an inquisitive look thrown Megumi's way. She squints, as if to press him for an exposé.

Megumi only shrugs, and takes a spoonful of soup to his mouth. "Returning the favor for Yuji babysitting me." He says between softly blowing breaths to cool down the spoon.

"It's not babysitting." Yuji insists, Nobara rolling her eyes.

"Whatever lovebirds. You two sleep well, yeah?"

"Goodnight." 

"G'night."

The movie ends up being entirely different from their expectations. The person Megumi bet on being the love interest is a long lost sister, who dies by the end of the movie. The end isn't happy in the slightest, seeing the protagonist off as he returns home after a successful but still somewhat miserable mission. The movie makes the sister's death out to be a noble sacrifice, but all it does is leave a pit in Yuji's stomach.

◇

"Well that's upsetting." Megumi comments as the end credits roll. "As if that suffices as a happy ending." He looks at Yuji, his expression twitching in surprise to find the other crying. "Oh." He silently hands Yuji a tissue, who thanks him.

"Why did she have to die?" Yuji mumbles after blowing his nose, sniffling.

"Purely shock factor. And to save the plot. The mission wouldn't have worked out if she didn't sacrifice herself." Megumi answers, a bit awkwardly. Should he be crying too?

"Ugh, it's sooo sad." Yuji pouts at the screen.

Megumi moves to slide off the couch. "Put another one on." He tells Yuji.

"You sure? You should rest."

"I'm not sleeping after that miserable movie. Put something on that you'll like, I'll be right back." In all honesty, he is peeved at the ending and will probably in his state of mind just reinvent the plot over and over again in his head. He needs something to calm him down.

He gets up to use the restroom, though goes to the kitchen instead of the living area afterwards. He opens the fridge, squinting at the bright light.

A few minutes later, he holds a bowl in his clammy hands. He washed them no less than three times as he cut the fruit and portioned the yogurt and granola, almost downright praying that his cold wouldn't be infectious.

Dessert. While Yuji wasn't right with his guessing, it might cheer him up. A yogurt bowl might not quite qualify as dessert, but it's the best Megumi can do with the ingredients and strengths at his disposal. Tsumiki was always happy as a child when he cut the apples into little bunnies. Maybe Yuji will too.

The bowl contains plain yogurt with sliced apples, a triangle cut into the top to make it look like an abstract bunny. He also added granola and a ribbon of maple syrup, topped with a small dash of cinnamon. He sticks a medium sized spoon into it and hopes to mentally rid himself of his flushed cheeks as he makes his way back to Yuji.

Yuji nearly jumps off the couch when he sees him. "Are you okay? You took a while, did you get sick-" He stops when he sees the bowl in Megumi's hands. Yeah no, Megumi is definitely not getting rid of his flushed face. His head feels hot.

"It's not exactly dessert, but I hope it's okay." He hands Yuji the bowl carefully, both their hands touching. Yuji's hands are much warmer than Megumi's.

Brown wide eyes take in all the contents of the bowl, Yuji's lips forming to a pout and his bottom lip wobbles. "This is so cute... You didn't have to." 

"I know. But you looked pretty upset, so... Uhh don't worry, I didn't sneeze in it or anything."

Yuji giggles. "Thank you, Megumi." He takes the spoon, contemplating visibly before he digs in. "Wait, are these bunnies?" He scoops up an apple slice onto his spoon.

"Oh, yeah. Tsumiki liked it when I cut them like that." 

"I love it!" Yuji smiles at him so brightly it kind of hurts Megumi's chest. "Thank you." He nudges Megumi. "Now I feel almost bad for choosing this movie." He snorts.

"Why?" Megumi raises an eyebrow, then looks at the screen.

"Well because you hate romcoms." Lo and behold, a description and cover takes up the screen, one Megumi doesn't think he could conceptualise any kitschier if he tried. There are pink and red hues all over the screen.

Megumi sighs, and can barely hide his smile. "Seriously?"

"It's a fun one I swear! I read the summary." 

"Well then you must know exactly what happens in the movie." Megumi teases with a sly, lopsided smile.

Yuji smiles around another spoonful of yoghurt, turning the spoon around in his mouth. "Mhm. And I think you'll like it." He coos.

◇

Yuji idly traces the edge of the empty bowl in his lap, smiling softly as the couple bumps into each other in the pouring rain. It's the last few minutes of the movie, the romantic peak of it all. He feels a warm fuzziness in his chest. The joghurt bowl was really really good.

Megumi had fallen asleep at around the 50-minute-mark. In his defense, he really tried. Yuji had watched his head nod back and forth on the brink of unconsciousness over four times before he stayed asleep. Now he's sleeping against Yuji's shoulder again, who has been very careful to not stir him awake by doing anything loud or moving him around.

"Mmf." Megumi moves against him, nudging his forehead against Yuji. Yuji has been checking his temperature, which has been much warmer than before. He's definitely running a fever. He wants him to get as much rest as he can.

"Yuji?" Megumi's voice is meek.

"Hey." Yuji's eyes switch from the screen to Megumi's face, scrunched up in mild pain. 

"Shit. I didn't mean to fall asleep." 

Yuji almost chuckles because really, Megumi does worry too much. "That's okay. Did you sleep alright?"

Megumi pauses, hesitating on his answer. "Not really. Everything feels weird right now."

"You have a fever I'm pretty sure." Yuji puts the back of his hand to Megumi's forehead, checking yet again. Megumi doesn't back off, lets him.

"Did I miss the end? Oh." Megumi watches as the couple kisses, rain soaking their clothes as the woman lets the umbrella fall to fully embrace the man. Yuji watches Megumi's eyelashes flutter in surprise. "That's... Sweet."

Yuji's hand traces up, brushing back Megumi's hair. Some of it has been stuck to his forehead from him sweating. He should make sure he gets enough water. "I was going to force you to watch it again with me if you missed it."

Megumi's eyes fall shut and Yuji can feel him ever so slightly push back against his hand. Then his eyes open again, heavy-lidded as they muster Yuji. "You mean I'd sit through that annoying 3-minute long dance number again?"

Yuji doesn't respond, only smiles. On screen, the woman slips on the puddle beneath them as she sinks into the kiss, her partner catching her as they laugh.

Megumi's face scrunches up a little, which makes Yuji giggle. A bit too cheesy, then.

Yuji's hand still hasn't left Megumi's hair.

It's soft now, though could use a good brushing. Yuji's fingers tangle as they run through it. Yet they cannot be stopped in such a simple way. The careful hand travels further, over the crown of Megumi's head and behind it, trailing down to his nape. Yuji's index finger curls around the long-ish strands of hair there, twirling one small bunch around his finger before running all five fingers back up.

Yuji was so focused on Megumi's hair, he only then looks at Megumi's expression, when his hand is fully buried in raven softness.

Megumi is crying.

"Woah. Are you okay?" He feels like an idiot. What was it that ticked him off? Was it the movie? Or the touching? Right, he didn't even ask to touch his hair.

"I'm okay." Megumi lets out a small, wet laugh. He sniffles, turning his face away for a moment, most likely to dry his tears. "I don't know why I'm reacting like that. It just feels really nice, what you're doing."

He must be so exhausted. Yuji is comforted by the reassurance, however. He continues, combing out some knots in Megumi's hair. The movie is running its ending credits now, a somber love song keeping their ears keen. Yuji doesn't want it to end.

"Thank you for everything today." Megumi says, only glances at Yuji. "I'll find a way to repay you, or something." His speech is much softer than usual, slightly slurred through snot and the last of his tears.

"You don't have to." Yuji tells him. "You'll be..." He stops himself. He's going to say too much if he isn't careful. On the edge of it all, he teeters. Could he truly say that, could he say that as long as Megumi is by his side, he'll be okay? It feels to be too much.

"We support each other, right?" He rephrases, watches as Megumi hums and nods in agreement.

"Yeah. We do."

◇

Megumi helps Yuji carry the dishes into the kitchen. His eyes are barely open still, his head is swarming with a low muted buzzing and a constant repeat of Yuji's hand in his hair. How nice it felt, especially after a day where his head was all over the place, going through all stages of fear.

It feels bittersweet as Yuji sees him to his room. It feels more tender than either of them acknowledge out loud. Megumi knows it's not the time to ask Yuji to stay longer, to fall asleep with him among the woes of fever dreams and his constant need for fluid intake, to help this cold pass on sooner.

Yuji looks timid as he says goodnight to him, his hands buried in the pockets of his hoodie.

Megumi keeps a rapid metronome in his head, currently weighing constant pros and cons against each other. It's pure chance, he doesn't know which decision is right.

But he figures... He could give Yuji a more sincere thanks. One that shows his gratitude deeper than words alone. Even if words are their driving force.

"Well, goodnight then. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yeah." Megumi takes Yuji's wrist before he walks off, holding it.

His knees are weak, his eyes are burning. There are a million doubts in Megumi's head that tell him to let it go, to let a good thing pass and not push his luck. To let this one thing stay unruined, untainted. He's delirious with sickness, some parts of him say, he's drunk on feverish bravery, the liquid courage that is Yuji's cooking, the soup he made. That the shampoo he massaged into his scalp had found its way to his brain, filling his head with empty bubbles and air alone. That the water Megumi nearly drowned him had given him brain damage of some sort.

Megumi ignores all that. Because if there's one thing about his fears, it's that they tend to have the wrong idea about his life. And that if there was one thing that actually saved him, not the anxieties of precaution or the horror of misstepping, then it's Yuji.

The person that breathed life back into his soul.

He pulls Yuji close in a slow, gentle manner, sensible because he doesn't want to scare him.

He leans in and kisses Yuji's cheek.

His lips barely brush him, are feather-light as they touch his cheekbone. A wordless sign of gratitude, a token of appreciation and affection. A quiet hint of what lies beyond Megumi's words, his current actions. An indicator that his feelings are much deeper than he lets on.

"Goodnight, Yuji." He speaks casually, though on the inside he is melting in endearment. Some of it leaks through his facade, coating his words in velvet.

"Y-yeah. Goodnight."

He closes his bedroom door to a shock-frozen Yuji, turning his back to it immediately. His face is almost exploding with heat. He presses a hand to his chest.

Today, his heart has been through all sorts of rushes. It has seen a plethora of frequencies, has felt crushed and small in a multitude of ways.

Now, it feels big. Full. It beats quicker than ever, but not out of fear. It's a different brand of adrenaline. Love is what makes his heart this way.

Megumi is happy to let it keep beating.

If life can feel so light, he's willing to give himself a chance.