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Lucy goes because she keeps getting headaches. Maybe it’s because of the concussion she got a few weeks ago. Maybe it’s from not sleeping even with her fiancé right next to her. Maybe it’s because she doesn’t want to lose sight of Tim. Because every time she does she is back in that tiny jail cell without Tim.
But all she knows is that she has headaches everyday and she wants to know why. It will probably be a simple fix. Get more sleep, drink more water. Take a break.
But still—
“Do you have one right now?” Tim asks reaching for her hand. She nods and he grabs her hand and then stops her leg from shaking. “Relax Luce.”
“Okay.” Lucy takes a deep breath and pulls off her engagement ring. She knows she’s only taking it off because she can’t have it while getting the MRI.
But still she hates not having it on her finger.
“I’m glad you are doing this.” Tim says. Lucy nods and he leans over to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I hate seeing you in pain.”
Tim had been the one to find her curled up in a ball on their bed. That was the first headache. She was in so much pain, it was paralyzing. After that, she had gotten them on duty, at home and they would just come ok randomly.
After this last one (Tim once again found her) she had enough and made an appointment with her doctor who sent for an MRI.
Lucy nods and Tim squeezes her hand. “Thank you for coming.” She says.
“I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else.” He says and Lucy believes him.
And she loves him for it.
***
“Did you come with someone?” The nurse asks softly. Lucy nods looking back towards the doors.
“My fiancé.” She replies and she knows Tim is out there and waiting for her. She takes a deep breath as they approach the room with the machine.
“I’m going to have you change into this grown.” She says. “Then we will get started.”
“Thank you.” Lucy says. She steps into the changing room.
She can do this.
She can do this.
***
Lucy can’t breathe. It started out fine, she laid still as they moved her into the machine. She felt perfectly confident. And then it stopped and she heard noises. It was loud then quiet, and she was in a tunnel.
She couldn’t see anything. And she couldn’t move. She was told to stay still. Her breaths started getting shorter. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest.
Oh god.
She closes her eyes and if on cue the same song that was in her mind when she was in the barrel comes into her head.
Stars shining bright above you Night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you" Birds singin' in the sycamore tree Dream a little dream of me.
She takes a deep breath, no no no. She can’t go back there. She can’t go back to the barrel. It was bad enough she was stuck in that tiny room.
No.
Dream a little dream of me.
Dream a little dream of me.
It’s like she can feel herself moving back to barrel back to the where she thought she was going to die.
And Tim—
He would have found her lifeless, unable to bring her back to life.
No.
She hears the machine whirling again, feels it moving. But she’s panicking. She knows what it feels like to panic in a small space. She feels herself start to sweat, a cold sweat like she can’t get rid of.
It feels like she is back in the barrel, trapped and unable to get out.
Was anyone going to find her?
Or was she going to die? And she would only be a memory.
“Ms. Chen.” A voice says. She freezes. “Ms. Chen we are done.” Lucy opens her eyes to see the nurse smiling at her a little in concern.
“Done?”
“Yes.”
“Oh.” Lucy gets up and her legs are shaking as she takes a few deep breaths.
“Sorry. Small spaces are hard for me.” She says softly.
“It’s okay. Take your time.” The nurse says kindly. Lucy nods and ducks her head down. After a few minutes, she feels like she has regulated herself. She gets up and walks towards the exit.
She gets changed and when she comes out the nurse is waiting for her. “It’s a maze to get out of here.” She says. “Follow me.”
She leads her through a series of hallways and turns. Lucy is a little dizzy by the time they reach the double doors to the waiting room. The nurse opens them up and Tim stands up when he sees her.
She walks towards him slowly and he meets her in the middle. He gathers her in his arms and presses a kiss to the top of her head.
“How was it?”
“Awful. I had a panic attack.” She mutters. Tim freezes and rubs her back. “I was back in the barrel.” Tim’s face is soft, and he doesn’t say anything or move towards her but she knows he wants to. She can tell by his body language that he’s itching to pull her in.
“Oh.” He says softly.
“The song—I sang a song.” She says. Tim’s face twists up a bit.
“I saw the footage.” He says and his voice sounds pained. “Here.” He pulls her ring out and slips it on her finger.
“Thank you.”
“Of course.” He says. “Did they say anything?” Lucy shakes her head and Tim pulls on her hand.
“They said they would get back to me.” Lucy says. “It’s probably from stress. And ya know—”
“Right.” Tim says and he pauses and puts his hand on her cheek. “You have been through so much Lucy. And you have come out stronger.”
“Except for these headaches.”
“We will figure it out.” He says softly. “I know we will.” Lucy nods and rests her head on his shoulder.
“Okay but right now I want to get in my pajamas and have a cup of tea.” She says.
“And cuddle. That’s important.”
Tim laughs and gives her a look. “That sounds like the perfect night Luce.” He says. She can’t help but agree. She still has a headache, but Tim would make her feel better. He always did. It might not be perfect.
But it was worth it.
So worth it.