Chapter Text
Mr Han loved sand. It was coarse, rough, irritating, got everywhere, and above all else made land travel between Amestris and Xing exceptionally difficult. Meaning, anyone who was actually serious about crossing the desert between the two nations to get from one to the other would require help, which was where he came into play, and, more importantly, pay. For a perfectly reasonable (if not small fee) he and his team of professionals taught by years of experience took would-be visitors and tourists from one nation to the other, providing guidance, camels, food, and most importantly water along the entire way.
In addition to that, he also provided further services to travellers looking for a permanent stay, by making sure that said stay didn’t immediately lead them to something like an Amestrian state prison on the charge of being an illegal alien. These services, of course, costed extra. Some dissatisfied customers had occasionally pointed out that the prizes Mr Han charged for such a thing very nearly reached those of legal immigration. And though disheartening to hear, he had to admit that they were not wrong. But, the key point was, they only nearly reached those prices, which Mr Han continuously made sure of. There was no money to be made off people with the illegal option if the legal option actually was cheaper, after all.
It was thanks to such considerations and the necessary care of running a business that was not exactly something to bring up to officials of either Amestris or Xing that Mr Han was indeed running a business that was successful. Just now, he and his team were once again on a trip back from Xing, having just brought a handful immigrants over who were now likely adapting to their wonderful new lives under the rule of the emperor – May He Live Long (for at least, say, three and a half more years) And Thrive – and very glad that they were out of Amestris and its constant wars. While Mr Han had considered informing them that they were now living in a country heading towards a succession crisis between its fifty ruling clans, he had ultimately decided against it. Why spoil the surprise and ruin the lovely first impression of their new home?
Besides, that information would’ve cost extra.
He also would have quite liked to head back with some new customers already, but Mr Han knew when to not best push his luck. Sorting out the whole immigration business had been tricky enough already.
In the meantime, it was with some relief that he finally spotted the ruins of Xerxes in the distance. Even though it was only just past noon, Mr Han already ordered his team to set up camp on the outskirts of the ruins. He knew the desert well enough to know that there were no other good spots rest for nearly an entire day’s journey. Besides, the well here was by far one of the best options to fill up on water.
As his team got comfortable, Mr Han sat down on a pillow and looked out into the desert. While the ruins were inarguably the more interesting view, he had already seen enough of them in his work. Besides, parts of him always felt the tiniest tinge of guilt at the sight. While the fall of the kingdom of Xerxes roughly 400 years ago had probably been a tragedy, he personally was glad that it was no longer around. If it still were, he wouldn’t have a business after all.
Taking in all the endless dunes under the blazing sun, Mr Han let out a deep breath. There was some beauty in this, too. While he was aware that the desert was alive in its own way, it was also a place of peace and quiet for him. Away from civilisation, quiet and deserted (har har), not a soul to be seen-
…Except for that traveller there.
Behind his sunglasses, Mr Han blinked. The figure in the distance was still there. Actually, it seemed to be two figures even: one human, and one a medium-sized quadruped animal. A dog, maybe? But even from this distance, it looked to be too heavy-set for that… and besides, what kind of idiot would bring a dog to the desert?
Well, probably the same type of idiot who travelled by themselves and on foot through the desert.
Quietly, Mr Han watched the figures for a moment longer. They definitely seemed to be making their way towards the ruins. If this meant that they were also heading towards Amestris, then maybe he might have a customer after all.
Having seen enough for the time being, he gave his team a shout to get ready. Making a good first impression was very important in striking a deal, as was getting a good read of the other party, especially in this situation. Though it was uncommon, this was not the first time that Mr Han picked up a customer along the way. And in these rare instances, it was vital to decide whether you charged standard rate, gave the discount for not requiring his services for the entire way, or charged extra for joining an ongoing caravan. Important though this decision was, it usually just came down to two factors. Namely, 1) whether the traveller in question would be easy to work with, and 2) if they were loaded. If the answer to 2) was a decisive “yes”, then it could also make up for the answer to 1) being “they’re a damn git is what they are”.
While his team shifted their priorities to make sure that they would have water and easily digestible food ready, Mr Han resumed his observation. By now, the figures had come close enough so that they had no doubt already spotted him and his team, which in turn meant that he could now also take a closer look at them in turn.
What that revealed made the figures no less unusual.
The human of the duo was a tall young man… or, no. While she had looked like that at first, Mr Han quickly realised that she was actually a young woman, probably in her mid-teens. She was rather handsome (which he noted with the trained eyes of a proud father), had golden blonde hair with matching eyes and was wearing a black leather outfit underneath a bright red coat with its hood drawn over her head as she was practically dragging a suitcase with her. All of her clothes fitted remarkably poorly, as if they had been made for a person that was at least a head shorter. Most importantly however, she was obviously Amestrian, which just made it all the more unusual that she was heading in this direction.
But while the girl herself was already an odd sight, she was nothing compared to her animal companion. It was neither dog nor cat, nor any other animal that you would normally expect to be walking besides people. Instead, it was… okay, Mr Han had to admit that he had absolutely no idea. It looked like something between a giant rat without a tail, or a quite-big-but-not-giant beaver (also without a tail). Regardless of what it was, he had never seen anything like it before.
And neither girl nor animal looked nowhere near as badly off as he would have expected from lone travellers that had already crossed half the desert. The girl did look like she was just about ready to keel over, but also looked like she could hold that off for a good while longer still. The tailless beaver-rat meanwhile… Mr Han had admittedly no idea how to judge it.
As the odd pair got closer, he raised his hand in greeting. The girl briefly regarded him with a look that was in equal parts weary and sceptical before turning towards the animal.
“A caravan, huh…? What direction d’you think they’re heading into?” she asked in Amestrian – and to Mr Han’s surprise, the animal looked at her and gave what looked to be a shrug.
“We are heading towards Amestris, as it were,” Mr Han interjected diplomatically. Best not to lead with the sales pitch. Just work your way towards it.
Slowly, both girl and animal turned to him with widening eyes. That animal must be quite sharp indeed, he thought.
“You- you speak Amestrian?!” the girl asked, shocked and eager in equal parts. Mr Han gave her a sagely nod.
“Of course, young miss,” the girl winced as he spoke “It would be quite difficult to conduct business in both Amestris and Xing, after all.”
“…Ah,” the girl said, having seemingly realised that her question had not been the smartest one. “Well, if you’re heading towards Amestris, could you maybe help us out? I mean, we managed just fine on the trip to Xing, but it still was rough. So any help’d be welcome.”
Mr Han hummed… and hesitated. This was not going in a way that he liked. Like all people who make a living through what is broadly considered an “illegal business” by small-minded folk like government officials, he had a strong moral code. Granted, it was one that still stood in conflict with the laws of several nations, but it was one that he stuck to firmly. And one of its key points was to not take advantage of especially vulnerable customers, among which children ranked very highly. Even if they could little bastards.
So with that being the case… Mr Han sighed. This was looking to be job done pro bono. Though looking at this girl, there probably wasn’t much in the way of payment that she could have provided. Teenage girls with ill-fitting clothes were hardly a clientele that he considered 2) loaded.
“We should be able to take you with us. I hope you are good at riding camels? And of course that your pet can get up on them in the first place,” Mr Han finally said. Curiously, at that last part the girl breathed out sharply as the tailless beaver-rat looked down on the ground in a way that almost seemed… sombre. Odd.
“…Thank you,” the girl said after a moment, though it sounded a bit strained. Well, maybe she would satisfy his curiosity later…
“Well then, come on over! You must be quite famished. Let’s get you something to drink and eat.”
A few minutes later, both girl and animal were sitting in the shade of one of the tents, mercilessly wolfing the rations that the team had shared with them. Mr Han sat with them, watching with great interest while the rest of his team went about their business while also watching without much surreptition at all.
“So, may I ask what your name is? Just so we don’t have to call you “girl” for the rest of our journey,” Mr Han asked after a moment. The girl, hearing this, shuddered and froze in the middle of shovelling the next bit of food into her mouth.
“…Ed,” she said after a moment of hesitation. Then, pointing to the animal, she added, “And this is Al.”
Mr Han raised his eyebrow, but did not address the tailless beaver-rat in the tent.
“Just Ed?”
“Just Ed will do, yeah.”
“Fair enough,” Mr Han said, and absolutely meant it. No questions asked usually cost a bit more, but this was not a regular customer. Especially since she was not a paying customer to begin with.
Which however meant that there could be more questions asked.
“If I may ask another question. What brought to Xing in the first place? It is not the most common of tourist destinations for Amestrians.”
Ed again remained silent for a while as she fixed her gaze firmly on a spot on the ground in front of her. The tailless beaver-rat Al regarded her with a look.
“Long story,” she finally said diplomatically. “We were hoping to find something, but couldn’t even find someone who spoke Amestrian-”
Ed interrupted herself. Suddenly, her face lit up and she looked up at Mr Han.
“Hold on – you speak Xingese, right?”
“Of course,” Mr Han answered patiently, waiting to see where this was going.
“In that case,” Ed blurted out, frantically making a grab for her suitcase, opening it, and rummaging through it, “Can you read this?”
She produced what looked to be a travel brochure of some kind, and held it out to him. Eyebrows raised, he took it. There was certainly Xingese writing on it.
“Yes, I-”
“What does it say?!” Ed cut him off. The impatience of the youth these days! Really, when it came to that, Amestris and Xing were one and the same. Nonetheless, Mr Han skimmed through the brochure. Then, after a moment, he laughed out loud.
“Jusenkyo?! Miss Ed, that place is nothing but a tourist trap. And a poorly maintained one at that! Oh, they always say that anyone who falls into one of the cursed springs of Jusenkyo is from that point on cursed to take on the form of whatever drowned in that particular spring hundreds or thousands of years ago. But personally, I have never met anyone who-”
“Anything else they say about these curses? Or anything else in that brochure?” Ed cut him off again. Her voice was so tense that it actually gave Mr Han pause.
“Er…” he slowly said, taking another look at the brochure. Right now he actually had the part describing how the curses worked. Someone had even scribbled a symbol for a hot spring next to the text.
“It says here that whenever a cursed person gets splashed with cold water, they take on their cursed form. And when their cursed form is then splashed with warm water, they return to their original-”
He didn’t get any farther as at this point, Ed and her pet jumped up and ran off towards the well. As he was still processing this and slowly looking after them, two loud splashes could already he heard. Cheers followed a moment later – from two voices.
Mr Han and his team watched in stunned silence as a small teenage boy with fitting but visibly stretched out clothes and with golden blonde hair came back to the tent accompanied by a person in a towering suit of armour.
“Sorry about that,” Ed said as she – no, he kneeled over his suitcase. If it’s not too much trouble, could you maybe translate everything in that brochure and write it down in this notebook?”
Saying this, the boy handed Mr Han a pen along with the notebook. Still too taken aback, Mr Han took them.
“Uhm. Sure,” he managed to get out. It was about all that his brain could muster at the moment.
“Thank you!” the person in the armour – Al? – said. His voice was far higher than Mr Han would have expected. “We’ll need a moment in private, then. I hope you don’t mind? Me and Ed have some catching up to do.”
Mr Han just nodded. Anything that gave him some time to process all this was welcome right now.
Maybe he could entice more people into a trip to Xing now that he had first-hand evidence that the curse of Jusenkyo was real?
The moment Edward and Alphonse had a moment to themselves, it took roughly the fraction of a second for Ed to tackle his brother into a hug. Or the best he could manage with a suit of armour, at least.
“E-Ed! What are you doing?” Alphonse shouted, as he hit the stone floor of the ruin with a loud clank.
“I thought I’d never see you like this again, you dumbass! Or hear your voice again. Man, to think I’d ever miss seeing you as the armour…”
“Oh, c’mon… I was still there,” Alphonse said, carefully sitting up and leaning against a wall. With his position thus compromised, Edward joined him. At least they were in the shade.
“Yeah, yeah, I know. But with you in that animal form, I… constantly had at least some doubts that it really was you. We could barely even talk.”
Alphonse let out a deep breath (or at least, made a sound like he did. With his body as the armour again, breathing was no longer possible after all). “…It was awful. No one we met considered me human…” he finally admitted in a small voice.
Edward looked at his brother, and then nodded slowly. “These curses really did mess us up. At least we now know that there’s a way to temporarily undo them…”
“I mean… it wasn’t all bad,” Alphonse said, shaking his head. “I finally got to sleep again. I felt wind and warmth, hunger and all that…” He paused. “Though I think my taste buds aren’t those of a human body. I kept craving some food and I didn’t even know what it was.”
Slowly, Edward put his hand to his chin. Now that he had gotten these pesky emotions dealt with for the time being, the scientist in him demanded to be heard. “What was it like? I was as hungry and all that before I got cursed as I was after it. So I think… however these curses work, they seem to transform our current bodies, rather than replace them.”
“Mh. If that’s the case, then my animal body should not have had any unprocessed food or water inside of its system. But I hadn’t really felt particularly hungry or thirsty at first, so there must have been something inside of me.”
Edward let out a frustrated groan. “None of this makes any sense! How can the mass of your body change just like that? Alchemy can’t change your armour’s metal compound into the carbon that an animal’s body is made of. And for my cursed form, how do my automail get bi- I mean- how do they still match my cursed body and its different proportions?”
There was a moment of silence where both of them stared ahead in thoughtful silence. “…Maybe,” Alphonse then said slowly, sounding uncertain even as he spoke.
“Maybe?”
“Maybe… it really is a magic curse.”
Alphonse looked at Edward. Edward looked at Alphonse. Briefly they remained like this, letting the words hang in the air…
Then both burst out laughing.
“As if!” Edward snorted in a moment where he managed to at least somewhat catch his breath.
“Yeah, can you imagine?” Alphonse said, still laughing himself.
“Not really! But nah, I think if anything, it’s probably something to do with Alkahestry.”
If Alphonse had any eyebrows, he probably would have raised them now. “Huh? What makes you say that?”
Edward hesitated. He still vividly recalled that Alphonse had said quite clearly that he did not remember being transported to a massive stone gate in a white void after they tried to resurrect mom like Ed had been. And with that as his best idea on how to even begin to describe what he meant… well, that was a bit limiting.
“I mean… I was able to bind your soul to this suit of armour using alchemy, and that’s well outside of the realm of what the science underlying alchemy can explain,” he eventually tried. “So maybe whatever caused and causes us to change forms like this is similarly a more out there branch of Alkahestry, a form of alchemy we know nothing about?”
“Hm…” Alphonse hummed. “Well, if you put it like that… I guess I could see it.”
There was a pause. Then-
“By the way! It’s so nice that I have a big sister now…” Alphonse said, and Edward just knew that if he had body that was capable of such a thing, that he would have the biggest, most shit-eating grin on his face right now. The way the glowing dots in his helmet’s eye slits looked right now definitely gave off the aura of smugness already.
“Oh, shut up!” Edward snarled, jabbing Alphonse in the side with his right elbow. “And here I hoped you weren’t gonna say anything.”
“And pass up an opportunity like this? You make a great big sister. And you’re finally tall, too!” Alphonse continued relentlessly, fuelled by brotherly irreverence. “What should I call you when you’re in your cursed form? Edith, maybe?”
“Just stick with Ed! You can also shorten girl names to that!” Edward snapped back, upping the stakes from his earlier jab to an outright shove.
“That’s not a no to Edith…” Alphonse said in a sing-song tone, unbothered by the retribution of an older sibling. Stupid body that can’t feel pain…!
“If I’m gonna pick a girl name at all – which I won’t, Ed is just fine! – then you can bet your ass that it’s not gonna be Edith! There’s got to be cooler names than that.”
Alphonse laughed, but mercifully said nothing more for the time being. Slowly, Ed’s mood cooled. Though to send off his rage, he grumblingly added, “Actually, I think I liked it better when you couldn’t talk…”
To that Alphonse said nothing, content to instead just continue radiating the aura of a person grinning ear to ear. Luckily, that was not bad enough for Ed to not calm down.
Come to think of his girl form… it was weird. The whole feeling of unease with his body, the feeling of wrongness that he had had for years now and that had just outright disappeared when his body had gotten cursed. This feeling that had been so normal that he had only really become aware of it once it was gone. Somehow, it had returned.
And he could have sworn that it had gotten worse somehow.
“Hey,” Edward said on a whim, “That animal form of yours. Did it… feel good to be in it?”
Alphonse tilted his head. “Hm? I mean… it was nice. Having all these bodily experiences again. But there were also the bad parts I mentioned.”
“But… did it feel better than… this armour body?” Edward asked, every word that came over his lips feeling intensely awkward.
“Er… it didn’t necessarily feel bad or worse. Both have their upsides and downsides.” He paused, and gave Ed a quizzical look. “Why do you ask?”
“Just curious,” Edward said and let out a deep breath.
No, of course Alphonse wasn’t the person to ask this sort of thing. Neither the armour nor the animal were his real body, after all. He had no way to directly feel any sort of contrast. If anybody could answer him this sort of question, then it would have to be that martial artist that had also gotten cursed to become a girl, Ranma Saotome. But he couldn’t have asked him, because they didn’t even speak each other’s language! And now it was too late to do that anyway, with them already well on their way back to Amestris, and Ranma and his father off to who knows where.
(Thinking of them, he wondered where they were now. The last time they had seen each other had been rather hectic, and since the amazon girl hadn’t chased after him and Al, it was easy enough to imagine who she had decided to target first.)
He would just have to figure this out himself somehow. Really, he shouldn’t have even brought it up to Alphonse, Edward decided.
Because as if to prove that conclusion right, Alphonse immediately proved that he wouldn’t let go of that topic so easily.
“How does your cursed body feel to you, then?” he asked. There was no edge in his tone that indicated that he already suspected the answer, not the feeling like he would mock him, or even just a sense of distrust. It was a genuine question as much as it was a curious one, his brother showing concern in the way that they handled these things between them. And at any other moment, Edward would have been grateful for it.
But not right now. Not when he was still confused about his cursed form – his girl form on such a fundamental level.
“Dunno,” he answered, sticking with at least a bit of the truth. “It’s convenient that it’s still a human form, I guess. And actually being tall for once is really nice. But if there’s a way to get rid of it, then I’m gonna.”
Though he tried to say this all with full confidence, Edward could himself not shake the feeling that that last part wasn’t true. He still needed time to figure this out. At some point or another.
The lights that acted as Alphonse’s eyes narrowed. But despite that, he didn’t say anything. “I see,” he said diplomatically.
Edward nodded and jumped to his feet. “Anyway! Now that we know how these transformations work, we’ll really need to work out the specifics. Like, how much water is needed before it happens, and what temperatures are the minimum or maximum requirement for this curse to kick in?”
“Do you want to test this out right now?” Alphonse asked uncertainly.
“Nah, not while we’re still in the middle of the desert. But once we’re back in Amestris we can just take some time to figure these things out.”
Alphonse hummed and nodded slowly. “So we’re back to searching for the Philosopher’s Stone,” he noted more than he asked.
“You got a better idea? We didn’t get anywhere with Alkahestry, and by this point we’re already more than halfway back. The Philosopher’s Stone is still our best bet, I think. And restoring our bodies is more important than somehow getting rid of these curses. We can at least deal with those.”
“Yeah, I got nothing,” Alphonse conceded, shaking his head as he got up himself. “And you’re right. Even if we headed back to this Jusenkyo place, we’d probably only be able to do something for you. There’s probably a spring of the drowned boy, but I somehow doubt that there’s one of the drowned armour.”
“Probably not,” Ed laughed. “Let’s go then – back home.”
“An engagement?!” Ranma repeated incredulously. Pops, still as nonchalant as he had been when he had delivered the news, got down and began to pack up his bedroll and other belongings.
“Yes, an engagement, boy,” pops stated firmly. “A union between my school and that of my dear friend, to ensure the future of his dojo and that the art of Anything Goes gets carried on.”
“Couldn’t ya just have done that by takin’ more students than just me? Or by havin’ him just pass that dojo to one of his kids?! Why’d ya have to drag me into this?!” Ranma snapped. Of all the hare-brained – no, panda-brained nonsense his father had come up with over the years, this one easily took the cake. And it was something that had apparently already been planned for all of Ranma’s life!
“Quality over quantity! Even if you still have a longer way to go than I’d like, boy, I’d still rather train and fashion you into a man amongst men instead of a dozen students who could barely master the Art!” pops said with so much hot air that Ranma was surprised he didn’t burst. “And he only has girls for children, so passing anything on to them was out of the question.
In spite of the anger still bubbling inside of him, Ranma nodded knowingly. It was true, you couldn’t do that sort of thing with girls. They weren’t suited to running dojos and learning or passing on the Art.
(…Why did that thought annoy him so much, though?)
“And ya couldn’ta taken care of this before that stupid trip to Xing,” Ranma griped, still refusing to even begin packing his stuff. They had barely even arrived at this clearing, and already they were supposed to be leaving again?
“Our training journey always has a lot of items on its agenda. Some points may… fall through the cracks a bit here and there,” pops said as firmly as he could manage, but with his confidence audibly faltering. This was getting to him.
“Yeah, an’ now whoever ya tryin’ to hitch me with is gonna look like a perv half o’ the time cause we’re gonna be both girls…” Ranma grumbled, resting his head on his fist. Even if he complained out loud, that part didn’t sound quite so bad at least. Better than being with another guy, at least. Two girls together like that, it sounded cute at least…
…Even if girls could also be handsome as he had learned-
Ranma shook his head vehemently. No, not thinking of that again!
“Quit your whining! You sound like a girl,” pops snarled, throwing the packed bag over his shoulder and getting up. “Now pack your things! I want to get to the Tendos by afternoon.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Ranma mumbled and started packing his things deliberately slowly. This sort of shit was not what he had expected out of finally making it back home to Nippon. But let pops think that he’d go along with it… first chance he got, he’d make a break for and get back to Xing to break this curse. The sooner he got rid of it and the ways in which it messed with his head the better.