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It's too hot for all of this, I say as Karma turns the fan towards him.
"Excuse me Karma?" What the actual fuck. The fan is for the WHOLE classroom not just for him. But I have to be nice I can't start drama with my desk partner. It's not worth it.
"Yes?" He says in his sweetest tone possibly. I just wanna punch his lights out there's no way, he's seriously thinks this is ok? whatsoever.
"The fan."
"What about it?"
"Turn it."
"Turn it where?" He's obviously trying to piss me off to make me look like a fool.
Nikolai grins turning at me rocking his chair blowing kisses at me. Gross. Kolya has a screw loose.
"Uhm turn it towards the whole class not yourself."
At this point Shibusawa passes by probably going to the bathroom and he sees me and he can tell i'm losing my patience so he slaps a smirk on his face and walks across the hall. If we were in the same class I would have slapped some sense into him but NO. He just has to snitch on me every single time.
"It is turned to face the whole class." He say's still smiling effortlessly.
I HATE people like that why the fuck are you so smiley at 8:AM. And why is he trying to gaslight me! I'm tired of all this shit. My bandages are all sticky and my bangs are sticking to my forehead.
Icky.
Chuuya needs to help me.
Bathroom..
Yeah! Bathroom.
but it hurts!
Hmm I can do it.
I can do anything! Just like the boring dumb chibi says.
Me being the persistent person I am ignore Karma and get up. Miss Alcott wonders what I'm doing getting up and I clumsily do the bathroom sign and she nods letting me go.
I see fiery ginger hair in the distance so I trudge over there.
"Chibi?"
"No not Chibi it's Shibusawa."
"Oh.." Am I THAT dizzy?
"Chibi."
"Hm?"
"Want chibi!."
"Uhm we can go to his class?"
Oh and that's another thing! Me and the dumb chibi aren't even in the same class.
See Kouyou, Chuuya's mom tried to get me and chuuya in the same class but it didn't work.
"'m I can text him or whatever! Leave me alone."
Yeah. Also me and shibusawa are exes. We dated in fifth grade and we broke up at the end of the school year.
Not very smart of me? Suck it up.
People tell me I'm soooo lucky to date Shibusawa or be friends with him. But he's just another kid just like us.
I mean what are they trying to infer by that?
That i'm not worth of his attention.
Because of course I am.
Oh.
I was thinking to myself for too long. He already left.
Good riddens I was thinking he'd never leave.
Now.. I just h
ave to go inside the bathroom and text the chibi.
As I enter the bathroom I see Akiko.
"Hi Akiko."
She looks me up and down before raising an eyebrow. "Bad day?"
"Yeah. Fucking Karma keeping all the air to himself."
"They aren't used to the heat remember? Karma lived in Russia."
"Still."
"Stubborn."
"Fuck you."
"Love you too darling." She says before she grabs a few paper towels cleans her hands and leaves.
I sigh grabbing my phone and pressing on the contact "The Slug</333333."
Dazai: Chibi
Slug typing.
Slug: yes?
Dazai typing
Dazai: cmere. (read)
.
.
.
.
.
.
It feels like forever. How long has it been since I texted the dumb chibi. I sit in the farthest stall so people leave me alone.
Finally after an eternity he walks in, not wearing uniform as usual. "Shitty Osamu what the fuck do you need?"
He takes one look at me and notices my sticky bandages clinging onto me for their life.
"Gross. Take them off."
"Now?"
"Did I stutter Osamu. Strip."
"Scandalous, what if I tell your poor girlfriend your cheating on her-."
"You know what I mean idiot." He say's rolling his eyes dragging me inside the stall and locking it.
I take a breath I didn't know I was holding and peel off the bandages.
Scars litter to my wrist to my arm not too much but enough to be worried.
"Are you helping out your master for once?"
"You keep deflecting." He drags his short stubby arms over me.
"Tch."
"And I thought I was the stubborn one?" The ginger yaps, as he glances at my skirt.
"Whatever just do something!"
I notice the Chibi pull his arms down to put his backpack on the floor.
He settles his backpack down and my sight lands on his hair which I grab.
"Tch." I hear him say softly.
"It's Itchy."
"I know 'Samu."
"Whatcha gonna do?" I ask.
"I have lotion."
"My lotion..?"
"No. You left it at my house yesterday remember?"
"Not really."
"You sure?"
"Stupid Anemia."
"I know."
He grabs the lotion out of his backpack and squirts some onto his hand gently applying it to arms as I grab a chunk of his hair.
"Hair."
"What about my hair."
"Long."
"Yes, remember you told me to outgrow it?"
"No."
Chuuya sighs deeply looking into my brown eyes for a second.
"Stand up cmon."
"No!"
"Your saying no a lot for someone who asked me to come."
"Hmph."
"Come on let's go."
"I don't want to!"
"Samu I'm gonna drag you up and it WILL hurt."
"I'll scream."
"I-I I'll tell Mori your acting weird again!"
The silence deafens for a second before Dazai starts screaming. Tears flood down. Hair gets pulled.
"Shit." Chuuya says out loud.
He'll tell Mori? He'll tell Mori! Mori will get mad at me I don't want him too.
"Okay I won't! But the teacher is gonna find out if you keep yelling regardless."
That shuts me up quickly but tears still silently stream down my face.
"Look I'm sorry, I know Odasaku usually handles these type of situations but we still have to wait a while before we can leave the school mkay?" Chuuya says softly.
I stare at him as I wipe my tears and hold my knees.
"Do you not like Mori?" He asks me.
Huh. Do I like Mori. I mean he's my father aren't I supposed too?
He's slimy.
He treats my other siblings better.
He ruins my life.
He controls what I wear--
"No."
"Is that why you don't call him by like dad or Papi--."
"Yes."
"Is it personal?"
"Yes."
"Can I know."
"No."
"Agh--! stop with the one word responses Osamu!"
"Why?"
"Are you trying to piss me off on purpose so I can leave you here. Tch. So self absorbed can't even tell people wanna help you!"
My eyes glimmer for a second as I look up at him and slowly get up.
"Eh? Finally you decided to get up."
"Where are you gonna sit for lunch?"
"That's random Osamu wanna take me out for a date, but I have detention. ?" He teases and I stare at him blankly.
Isn't he taken by Yuan?
Yuck Yuan.
Why does she get all his attention.
Why does she think she owns him.
I want.
I want.
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want
I want.
What do I want in life?
That's easy-- Chuuya.
"OSAMU--!"
I blink realizing I was thinking for a while. "Oh sorry."
Chuuya stares at me for a while. "Do you like me?"
"Excuse me."
How the fuck did he know that. Did Tachihara say something to him
You might be thinking. Oh! But Dazai, Chuuya is dating Yuan.
Yuan is the scum of the earth I don't even want to look at her.
Her stupid blue eyes.
Stupid rosy cheeks
And her fucking weird pink hair Chuuya adores.
I snort, "Me? No fucking way."
"Liar." He say's simply and I don't even wanna face him now.
"Ok. So what if I did."
"I have a girlfriend."
"No duh."
"Well.. she doesn't have to know."
"Oh."
"Yeah."
"Has anybody told you, your really dry in person not just over text."
"A million times."
"Except for when your with those stupid DOA people."
"My classroom you mean?"
"Yeah why's that?"
"Didn't you tell me you hate when I speak?"
"Yeah but."
"But what?"
"I don't want you being happier with anyone else!"
"So it's a jealousy thing?"
"Yes."
"Why didn't you say that."
"Because it's stupid."
"I thought you told me feelings aren't stupid."
"No I mean YOURS are not stupid."
"What's the diifference?"
"Your more special."
I stare at him blankly. the void in my eyes probably creeping him out. "Chibi. All due to respect. Actually scratch that I don't think I have respect for you. Don't use special."
"Oh. So you can't respect me but you can have a crush on me."
"Exactly!"
"I'm not sure that's how it works."
"Surely anything can work under the eyes of mine."
"But you didn't use your eyes-"
"Hush. Let's go home early and come back to school near the end of the day so we don't miss our bus."
"But Yuan-."
Shit
Why does he care for Yuan so much.
"But me."
"Your basically asking you or Yuan."
"Yes, Yes infact I am."
"Well obviously you, Osamu. If she asked me you or her. She can forget about this relationship."
Relationship.. that's funny. You know I like you and you still dare to mention her relationship with you.
I give him a sideways glance, "Of course you'd pick me."
"Me or Shibusawa."
I stop dead in my tracks and I look over at him. "Don't."
He snickers, "Hyprocrite~."
He doesn't seem upset. So I guess he knows why I don't wanna answer him. See I'm still bitter of our breakup. I don't love him or anything. But guilt bites me in the ass for it.
"Tch whatever let's just go."
"Whatever you say loverboy."
"Do you have to mention that?"
"Yes, I'll hold it dear to my chest."
"Stupid ass metaphors."
And just like that, We walk out of the bathroom as if nothing happened. As if Chuuya didn't confess to me that he knows I like him. As if I didn't have a meltdown.
And maybe that's what makes me feel safe with him.
Two twelve year olds, who suffer more than most adults ever will.