Archive of Our Own

It was a few days after what was supposed to be the end of days, honestly longer than either of them thought they had. An angel and demon were out for a walk in the park, though the act was a regular occurrence, this time was unusual. The one who looked like the angel, was taller than average and had neatly cut brown hair that was longer on the top which had a tousled look to it. They were clothed in tan slacks and three layers of shirt which were causing them to sweat in the weather, a white button up done all the way up, a pale beige sweater vest, and a tan jacket to match their pants. They had a splash of color in their outfit around their neck in the form of a very light purple tie. They had to remember their posture and walk with strides just a bit long for their comfort. The one who appeared like the demon on the other hand, had a strain in their back from the way they had to slouch and had to remind themselves not to match pace with the being next to them and instead walk half a step behind them. They were shorter than the angel, but not greatly so, barely a head. Their black hair was a rather choppy bowl cut that stood out at odd angles. Their clothes were in a similarly disheveled state; A partly unbuttoned white shirt was tucked into pinstripe dress pants covered by a loose fitting dark jacket. To accent the whole outfit were some black fingerless gloves on their hands. Both beings hoped that, to an outside observer, these slight discomforts wouldn’t be noticed. They prayed that their plan would go off without a hitch, and if that meant some short term pain, both were willing to put up with it for the end goal.

 

The plan seemed very easy; and if you were only explaining it to someone else they would think it would take no effort. What many didn’t realize was the amount of prepping and nuance that a plan like this required. If you wanted to switch places with someone you had to truly understand them; Gabriel and Beelzebub, despite knowing each other for six thousand years at this point, felt woefully unprepared for the task at hand. A scrape of prophecy had warned them that they would need to choose their faces wisely. Given the track record these prophecies had, the pair had taken the words to heart. After the exhausting day of trying to help avert the end of the world the two of them headed to the angel’s library in Soho, it was the easier of their houses to reach with public transportation. They had discussed their plan mostly on the ride back to the library and so when they arrived they got to work.

The actual switching was easy, a simple handshake and they moved their essence from one corporation to the other, then they both noticed the real problem.

“That iz not how I zand.” Gabriel spoke first, taking a half step back as the voice he had spoken with was the demon’s.

The demon laughed at the buzzing sound coming from their mouth. They had worked hard to learn to control their natural way of speaking, the words always hummed around in their throat if they were not careful in their enunciation. Their humor was short lived as they quickly heard the laughter that was too deep to be their own.

“Thizz izn’t funny Bee!” the angel, or rather the demon snapped, “How do you turn thizzz off?”

He held the last buzz to emphasize his question. The demon, in the angel’s body, tried to take on their usual posture as they answered Gabriel’s question. It felt off.

“It’s not something you turn off.” Beelzebub shifted to try another position that felt equally as wrong as the first. “You have to open your mouth more when you speak, and try to press your tongue to the roof of your mouth, but leave enough space for the sound you want to still pass through.”

The look Bee saw on their own face brought a smile to their currently borrowed one.

“Tha-ta. May-ka-sss. No. Sen-zzz.” Gabe clicked his tongue after almost every syllable and still had that buzzing on their last sound.

“That wasn’t too bad actually.” The demon had settled on crossing their arms in front of them, a pose both they and the angel often took, and they finally felt a bit more comfortable.

A doubt crept into Bee’s mind as they thought though; it had taken centuries for the demon to correct the buzzing in their voice, how was Gabriel supposed to do a passable impression of them if he couldn’t control his voice. The fact that the movements the angel was making in the demon’s body seemed too stiff and elongated for the form wasn't helping.

“It would probably help to calm down too, it gets buzzier the angrier I am, usually.”

“O-kay.” Gabe seemed pleased by this one word answer.

The demon had to admit that it did sound better to them too, but the word didn’t have any problem sounds in it.

“Wah-ell, no one iz go-ing to buy you az me zanding li-ka tha-ta.” The angel cringed with each s that came out as a z.

The once half comfortable posture Beelzebub had taken on had suddenly become just as awkward as the others. They shifted, not sure what to do with any part of their leased body now.

“How am I supposed to stand then?” They asked after fidgeting for a minute.

“You ha-vah to hol-dah your-su-elf like an an-gel.” There was a confident smile on the angel’s borrowed face and he puffed his chest out a bit at not letting a z slip past his lips.

The demon was impressed by that too. The advice that he had said though was completely lost on Bee. They hadn’t seen any other angels in a while, only Gabe. How did their angel stand? Then it hit them what Gabriel had meant.

They straightened their back and crossed their arms so the weight of each was resting on the other. Looking down toward their usual corporation that they now towered over. Gabe wanted Bee to stand like they thought they were better than everyone else. As upsetting as the statement was, they couldn’t dwell on it, as the new posture had gotten an enthusiastic response from the angel.

“That’zz it!” His excitement was cut short by the frustration at letting his voice buzz again.

“Well, while we’re on the topic of how we hold ourselves, you aren’t acting like I do at all.” Bee didn’t want to explain their mannerisms, but for Gabe to pretend to be them he needed to understand why they did what they did. “My corporation is smaller than yours, and you need to act like it; try to make yourself smaller in fact, especially in Hell. Demons won’t often try to pick fights if they don’t think they’ll gain anything from it. You’re already going to be a dead demon walking, so it’s unlikely anyone would think their reputation would be helped by beating someone who is already down.”

“Got-cha,” Gabe interjected, “Ap-pear wea-k.”

“No,” Beelzebub rushed to continue their explanation, “if you look weak they’ll strike just because. You have to keep your head held high, have an expression that still challenges anyone to try you. You will know your fate is unavoidable, but you’ll stare it down; not just because you and I are switching places and we don’t think Holy Water will destroy you. But because that’s what I would do anyway.”

There was a silence between the two after that statement. Although Bee wasn’t sure if Gabreil was taking in all of the mannerisms he had to learn or if he was in awe of the strength the demon had put behind those words. They leaned towards the former, given who they were talking to, but they were having a rather hard time reading their own expression.

“Oh, that’s another thing,” Bee went on after the moment, “don’t make eye contact with anyone.”

“Good, I nev-er like-da eye con-tac-tah anyway.” There was some real improvement in that sentence. “I’ll juzt look at the gr-oun-da.”

Gabriel winced at the word they messed up. Not helping the reaction, Bee quickly made to correct the angel's thoughts causing him to actually jump at their tone.

“NO! Looking at the ground makes you look weak!”

“Where am I su-posed to look then?”

“I usually look at people’s noses.”

“Okay…let me try put-ting all ov tha-ta to-geth-her.”

The angel adopted a posture that Bee thought looked much more comfortable and drew in on himself slightly. He held that pose, testing it out a bit it seemed, before looking towards Beelzebub. And, as he was told, not looking Bee in the eye.

“Yes, that’s it.” The demon’s face lit up at how well Gabe had taken their advice.

“That’z too much ex-press-ion for me.”

The expression fell from Bee’s face, they knew Gabriel was right. They had seen many wonders throughout the years, and the most the demon had ever seen on the angel’s face was an amused smile.

“Well, that shouldn’t be too hard, you are going to be put to death after all, how many emotions other than mad would you really have?”

“Good poin-ta, and I know you can do mad. Wha-ta abou-ta you? Any emo-tion-su oth-er th-an an-gr-y for you?” Gabe picked his way through the question and, though he was still clicking his tongue quite a bit, he seemed to have gotten control of the buzzing.

“I mean,” The demon thought, if they were really going to die they would go through a wide range of emotions just because they could, they had to keep it simple for their angel though. “Not really, angry, maybe a little sad, but I wouldn’t express that. Just kinda go with whatever the dukes make you feel, they probably won’t think too hard about it before trying to kill you.”

“Tha-ta see-ms fair. I would go for the arch-an-gel-su as-su well, tho-so ba-sa-tard-su prob-ab-ly won’t even li-su-ten to any-thin-ga you su-ay.”

 

There was a lot more work they put in that night to sell their parts, by the time of their stroll through St. James Park, they thought they had rather convincing impersonations of each other. They had a feeling that today was the day that they were going to be put to the test though; so they met in the park to be sure that they would both be on trial at the same time. As they reached a regular spot for them, Gabe acted like Bee would and appeared to be watching the ducks on the water with a carefree attitude while Beelzebub fixed their gaze across the pond towards the humans on the other side. Gabriel was spewing some nonsense about the ducks that Bee had once said to him, the demon was only half listening as the anxiety of the situation gripped their thoughts. They only barely noticed when Gabe's rambling was cut off, they turned to see him being roughly dragged off by two lower demons accompanied by Hastur. Before they could react to that though, a balding angel Beelzebub did not recognize, popped up in front of them.

“Hello, Gabriel.” was the only greeting they got before a cover was thrown over their head and they were seized by, assumedly, two angels on either side of them.

The last thing they saw was a wicked smile on the unknown angel’s face.

 

Gabriel had been knocked out in the park, he knew this because, a) he didn’t remember how he got here, and b) his head really hurt. The first thing he felt as he regained consciousness was a burning pain in his lungs. Then, when his thoughts returned to him he placed the sensation. Hellfire. The angel did not have many experiences with the stuff, but even once was enough for him to know he did not want to have too many more interactions with it. As his head cleared more the pain in his lungs worsened as he became more aware of it; he realized that the pain was not only in his lungs though, the burning air seemed to be clinging to his wings as well. They were not currently visible, but they were a part of his holy essence that did not fit into his corporation and as such they were being targeted by the unholy heat.

The angel tried to clear his head of pain and remember the plan that he and Bee had come up with. That’s right, he looked like Bee right now, and he had to act like them. He chanced a look around and noticed that he was alone for the time being, that was good, it gave him time to get into character. Thinking back on the lesson he had gone over with Beelzebub he shrunk in on himself, the pain actually helped with that, but Bee had insisted he couldn’t look weak in Hell. Gathering his strength, he pulled himself into a seated position, then thinking about it, forced himself to stand. He did not often see his demon sitting. He willed his body to move to the nearest wall, once there he let his frame relax and hoped he adopted an exasperated look onto his face. He settled in to greet whatever demon came to get him for the execution. Fortunately, he did not have to wait long.

A lanky demon with white hair that Gabriel vaguely recognize walked into the room, cell Gabe figured, a pleased look on his face. The angel shifted slightly under the glare of the demon, but he quickly returned the look with one of his own, one that showed no fear.

“Well,” the demon spoke, “someone looks pretty confident for a dead man.”

Gabe didn’t think he should respond to that, what would he have said anyway, he just held his gaze on the disgusting face of the demon.

“Too bad your big, strong, angel isn’t around to save you from me this time. He’s in quite a bit of trouble upstairs at the moment.”

That was why he recognized this demon. He was sent to check up on Bee many times, he knew his demon didn’t like them, they complained about him after every interaction, so whenever Gabriel would come across him he would smite him. He couldn’t do that this time though; even if he did, the demon would just end up back here in Hell somewhere, angrier than he was already. So Gabriel held his ground not reacting to the words that seemed like they were meant to get a raise out of him.

“Not like you’re in a much better position yourself. You killed a Duke of Hell.”

That last statement caught the angel off guard a bit, Bee had forgotten to mention that part of why their side wanted to be rid of them. He managed to keep his reaction to a blink. The demon seemed not to notice and continued speaking.

“They say an eye for an eye, and I’m so glad that we believe that mentality down here. You used Holy Water against Ligur so now we get to use Holy Water against you.” He paused here, looking for a reaction on Beelzebub’s face, the angel chose to shift to a more bored looking expression. This frustrated the demon and he continued through gritted teeth. “You know we had to trade Heaven to get Holy Water for your execution; do you know what we gave them?”

Here Gabriel actually decided to respond, answering the demon’s question in a way they thought Bee would in their situation.

“Well, it can’t have been your dignity, you never had any.”

The demon did not like this response, he actually marched over and slapped Gabriel across the face. Gabriel couldn’t stop himself from hitting the floor. He had forgotten how hard it was to stand with the constant pain of the Hellfire in the air. He covered his stinging cheek, he tasted blood, but turned to glare at the demon, trying still to not appear weak. The demon spat their next sentence.

“We trrraded them Hellfire. Seems they had the same idea in mind for your boyfrrriend.” The demon's voice croaked from his throat.

Gabriel chose not to respond to this statement and made to stand. He was surprised by a strong kick to his stomach which caused him to suck in a painful breath of burning air. He fell to the ground again, managing to catch himself with his hands but having to fight to keep from drying heaving from the pain, succumbing to a coughing fit instead. Gabe thought about how Bee said it was unlikely a demon would kick him while he was down, this demon clearly had an axe to grind before Beelzebub was gone.

“I’d have thought you would have learrrned to rrrespect the Dukes of Hell by now, Beelzebub. I blame Crrrowley rrreally, he always was a bit soft on you.”

This guy was a Duke of Hell? He had always seemed so easy to discorporate. Gabe should have realized with how often this demon checked up on Bee that he had been a superior. He couldn’t stop his reaction to finding out this information, mostly because he was just managing to get his breathing under control; he looked up at the demon with wide eyes.

“Oh come on now, everyone knows you'rrre like his little pet. Have been everrr since The Fall. You always clung to his leg and he stood up for you because you werrre a weak little bug. You should have been squashed ages ago, but instead you get special trrreatment. Getting positioned on Earrrth, getting to answerrr dirrrectly to him, and even getting to go to The Garden with him. All the rrrest of us had to prrrove ourrrselves to get wherrre we arrre and yet you hid behind that snake and he pulled you up with him.”

As the demon spoke he punctuated his statements with violent acts against the angel. A few quick kicks, grinding his heel into Gabriel’s hands, and then more rage filled kicks when the angel couldn’t help but curl into a ball to try and fend off the attacks. Gabe felt tears pooling in his eyes as he was overcome with a feeling of failure because he knew he looked rather weak curled into a tight ball on the ground, the Hellfire infused air had also started to sting his eyes at this point, but he knew it was not why the tears were threatening to fall. The demon roughly grabbed Gabriel by the hair, pulling and forcing the angel to look at him as he continued speaking.

“Guess, he’ll have to find a new pet now; it's going to be harrrd to find any demon as weak as you though.” He let out a harsh laugh and let go of Gabriel’s hair. The angel just barely kept his head from colliding with the floor. It didn’t matter though as the demon raised his foot and stomped down on his head, driving it into the ground. The sudden sharp pain caused a cry Gabriel couldn’t hold back to fly from his mouth.

He was content to lay on the floor and recover, but he knew what Bee would do. He shakily lifted himself from the ground. As long as he had the strength he would try to leave the impression that Bee had wanted. Looking towards the angry demon he could see him drawing back to strike again, Gabriel would be ready for it this time, he fixed the demon with a look that challenged him to try it.

“Why you little…”

“Hastur, I thought you would be preparing your argument for the trial?”

Gabriel knew that voice, his head was spinning though so he couldn’t quite place it.

“Crrrowley, I just had some things to discuss with this trrraitorrr before the trrrial.”

That’s who it was, he dared to look away from the demon who had been about to hit him again to fix the High Duke of Hell with a trying look as well. In doing so he broke another promise he had made to Bee as he looked their boss directly in the eyes. Gabriel realized he had never seen the Duke without his eyes covered. They were almost completely yellow aside from a black slit, the eyes of a snake, just as terrible on a human looking face as they were on the regular animal. Crowley, that was his name, also had scales speckled across his skin that the angel had never seen previously either. Taking in his whole appearance, he noted that the Duke was wearing his regular outfit with the addition of a red sash Gabe had only just seen him wearing when he saw him at the airfield. He had to admit that he was rather demonic looking. Gabriel looked away quickly, but the Duke had clearly noted the eye contact. He laughed.

“Getting bold in our final moments, are we Beelzebub?”

It was a question from Bee’s direct boss, he figured it needed an answer.

“N-no sir, it’z, you just surprized me iz all.” The angel hated that the buzzing had entered his voice and he wished he had formed a better response but the High Duke seemed to accept the answer. He nodded and turned back to the other Duke, Hastur Crowley had called him, and spoke.

“I’ve some matters to discuss with my direct subordinate before the trial as well. Be gone.”

With one last glance between Crowley and Gabriel, with a sneering glare at the latter, Hastur left vanishing to some other part of Hell Gabe was sure he would see soon enough. He felt relieved that the angry demon was gone and, forgetting that there was still another demon in the room, Gabriel raised himself to a sitting position.

“His anger is the same as ever, eh.”

The statement startled the angel who quickly scrambled to his feet. He remembered Bee’s teachings again and tried to lean casually against the wall, at the very least moving his gaze to rest on the remaining demon’s face.

“Y-yeah, guezz he realized he only had one chance left and was trying to get it all out.” Gabriel felt he had to respond since it was just the two of them now, hating that he still hadn’t gotten his voice under control.

Now that he actually had a chance to regather his thoughts, he remembered that he did not like the High Duke of Hell. It wasn’t that he had ever slighted the angel personally, but he was Bee’s boss, and if he was anything like his boss, he was probably a condescending asshole.

“Shame that you have to be executed, really.”

Gabriel was not disappointed, there was no way the same demon he had seen ready to bite a 12-year-olds head off at the airbase, was not looking forward to seeing the person they could hold accountable for the failed doomsday melt for their crimes.

“Not like I could suggest anything else though. Best way to calm down a bunch of war hungry demons is a public execution.”

“I guess so.” Was all Gabriel could think to say.

He couldn’t even focus on how he had gotten his voice under control as he now had to keep his rage with Crowley in check. How could he claim to be sad that Bee was going to be killed and then try to make them see the benefit of their own death. Before he could spiral on that thought though the duke spoke again.

“Hastur was right about one thing,” The start of the sentence had already made the angel's blood run cold, the rest of the sentence made it stand still completely. “It will be hard to find a replacement for you.”

He hadn’t believed the words when the other Duke had said them, but here the High Duke was, confirming that he only ever saw Beelzebub as a pet. He had a smile on his face as he said it too, that almost made the angel forget the whole plan and try and strangle their demon’s boss right then and there. Crowley looked like he was expecting a response, but Gabriel did not trust himself to speak so he gave a few quick nods. This made his head spin in pain, so he almost missed what the demon said next.

“Right…Trials about to start, gotta get going. Sorry again, but you know how it is.”

Gabriel barely had time to give one more nod before the demon blinked away.

Not too much later some other demons came to get the angel and dragged him to, what he guessed was, a trial room. There were three thrones, two rather plain ones that had Hastur and another demon, he supposed another Duke, Gabe did not recognize. The third throne was a bit over the top and held the High Duke of Hell who was lounging in a rather bored manner. Gabriel couldn’t believe this demon, if this is how he was acting at the trial he must have been lying earlier when he claimed to be sorry about the fate of Beelzebub. He was so busy fighting back his rage that he was not actually listening to what the Dukes were saying, he had snapped back to some of them, but he wasn’t sure what he had actually said.

A snap of fingers drew him out of his anger and he followed where the gaze of all the demons in front of him were directed. There was a figure that Gabriel actually recognized, the archangel Micheal, he was surprised to see her in Hell. She stood out against the dark environment in her pale grey suit; she held in her hands a pitcher and Gabe realized it was the Holy Water meant for Bee’s execution. He followed the archangel with his eyes over to a tub where she started to pour the water. As the basin filled Gabriel found that he was starting to feel more confident, finding it easy to hold his head a little higher as he turned back to face the Dukes of Hell.

“Look at how they try to fake strength even now.” Hastur taunted. “And yet they fail, we know every creature fears destruction.”

The demons erupted into a chorus of sneering laughter until the High Duke simply held up a hand. Silence. Then he spoke.

“Let's see how you look when I tell you that you're going to be submerged in Holy Water.” Crowley shifted his gaze towards Hastur.

Gabriel took this as an opportunity to make a comment, “Yeah, you should check that it’s actually Holy Water.”

Seeming to be unamused, the High Duke once again held up his hand to tell the angel not to speak anymore.

“No, the only one getting in that Holy Water is you. But let me remind you all why they are standing trial; they are being punished for going against authority, something we should all be familiar with, but we are all just as familiar with the fact that there is a steep price to pay for such actions.”

“I feel I should get a promotion, I mean, I clearly didn’t learn my lesson when She punished me; what makes you think this will be any different?” Gabriel felt the counter was fair, if Crowley was going to compare this to the rebellion, he thought that more rebellion would be a good thing.

“No, you will be made an example. We already divided from Heaven, the last thing we need in our ranks is more division. As Heaven cautioned more traitors with
The Fall your execution will serve to dissuade any other demons from following your path.”

All Gabriel did was nod, he moved towards the bathtub feeling like the time for talking was over. If he got into the water without anyone telling them that would be a rather strong move, yet he found himself hesitating when he actually reached the edge of the tub. Everyone, including Micheal, were looking expectantly at him. Doubt gnawed at the back of his mind, what if his corporation was still destroyed by the water, he would be unharmed probably, but how would he get another corporation, it wasn’t like he could ask Heaven for a new one. He knew he had to look strong though, it had been the one thing his demon had asked of him, so he took one last breath of fiery air, and stepped into the tub.

To his glee, the Holy Water did not harm his borrowed corporation; beyond that though, it provided relief to his burning wings. He sank deeper into the water, closing his eyes and feeling relaxed for the first time really since the airbase in Tadfield. When he opened his eyes again he was greeted by the horrified and shocked faces of everyone present, so of course he had to say something.

“You don’t happen to have somewhere here in Hell, a bath bomb, or a clay mask, that would really help with the relaxation. Scented candles mayhaps?”

Gabriel, getting no response, chose to stand up from the tub. The air instantly attacked his wings again but he managed to hide his pain behind a shake to flick water off himself; he half aimed it at the peanut gallery of demons, they were behind glass, never really at risk. They all flinched regardless. Then, careful to make his miracle not recognizable as Holy, he miracled himself and his clothes dry. While everyone was still stunned Gabe started towards the exit, he paused briefly to make a comment to the archangel Micheal before he left though.

“Hope your execution in Heaven is going better…”

With one last look towards the dukes and lesser demons he took a dramatic bow and left. He was sure he was imagining things, but he thought he saw a smile on the High Duke’s face; surely he was mistaken though, it was more likely a scowl. He was no doubt angry his example was now more a symbol of hope, Crowley had to be fuming that his well-planned execution blew up in his face.

 

When the cover was removed from Beelzebub’s head they had to blink harshly against the bright lights of Heaven. They were also still disoriented from being warped from Earth against their will. It wasn’t a new feeling, their boss often summoned them to Hell for a meeting the demon didn’t want to attend, at least this time had involved less snakes, but it was terrible every time. They also winced at the same time the bag was removed, not just because of the harsh light, but in reaction to the pain in their wings; the light was just a good excuse. Bee’s wings had hurt since they entered Heaven, they guessed that it was because the blessing light of Heaven was hitting them directly, and them being part of their unholy essence, did not like the radiance.

After their eyes adjusted they adopted the posture that they and Gabriel had gone over several times in preparation for this moment and they looked around, annoyed, they hoped. The room was empty, other than the chair the demon was currently sitting in, and the two of the walls seemed to be glass as Beelzebub could see non-white outside of them. There also appeared to be two figures in the room with them who were currently conversing with each other. One was the bald one, who was dressed in light brown almost head to toe, Bee had seen in the park. The other had darker skin spotted with gold, they were slightly taller than the bald angel, and wore an off white suit that the demon thought was more fitting for an angel; though, they did not recognize this angel either. They tried to tune into their conversation to see if they could learn anything.

“Of course he’s not here yet,” said the bald one, “I go through all the trouble of bringing the traitor here for his trial on time, and he’s late.”

“He told me that he had to finish up some paperwork expressly for this trial,” The one dressed in off white responded. “He’ll be here.”

“I suppose we could start without him.” As he spoke, the bald angel turned to look at Bee, they focused on keeping an annoyed look on their face.

The darker skin angel followed his gaze, also turning to look at the demon. They turned to look back at their fellow angel before speaking.

“I will do no such thing, the Supreme Archangel is supposed to be in charge of the trial.”

The other angel turned away from Beelzebub and opened his mouth to remark but his friend? cut him off before he could.

“But that just means that anything that happens before he gets here is not part of the trial.”

Bee did not like the look the shorter angel got in his eye at that statement. He turned back towards the demon with an excited look on his face; they recognized this look. Though, they had only ever seen it on demons previously. It was the look of someone who thought they had all of the power and was going to do something terrible with that power. Gabriel had said that it probably didn’t matter what Beelzebub said to the archangels, which they guessed these two were having more time to think about it. They were glad, as instincts started to take over the demon's mind in the familiar situation they didn’t think they could fight. As Bee suspected, the angel began to stalk towards them.

“You make a good point, Uriel.” A cruel smile pulled at the angel’s lips. “Though you often do.”

His gaze never shifted from the demon and he did not change pace as he spoke.

“Knowing the Supreme Archangel, the trial is sure to be disappointingly brief. But that’s not right. This lowly Principality was consorting with a demon, and on top of that, he dared to go against The Great Plan.” His smile spread wider across his face as he continued. “He deserves so much worse than what that weakling has in mind.”

Bee held the eyes of the approaching archangel and somehow managed to keep their face from shifting to their usual testing glare. They weren’t sure what was in store for them before the Supreme Archangel arrived, but they were sure it couldn’t be worse than Hell, they could endure.

“Though I’m somewhat loath to admit it, Sandalphon, I think I agree with you.”

Uriel, that was the name of the darker skinned archangel, had said. Though it seemed they would not be stepping in to help the demon, they had given them a valuable piece of information; the bald archangel’s name, Sandalphon. Now they had everything they needed to exchange words without revealing they had never met these angels before, so they spoke.

“Are you really going to punish me for going against authority, by going against authority? Seems a bit hypocritical Sandalphon.”

Sandalphon narrowed his eyes on the demon.

“The ending punishment will be the same, you will be burned in Hellfire.” He paused here, waiting for a reaction that Bee was not going to give him, then continued.
“So I don’t really see why it matters if I dowl out a little extra discipline as I see fit.”

“But I thought I was technically awaiting trial?” Beelzebub asked.

“We don’t need to hear the words of a traitor to decide what you deserve. We know the crime, and we have chosen a punishment.” Sandalphon snapped back.
“‘Trial’ is maybe a misleading word.” Uriel added. “We will hear you explain your perspective, but your fate has already been voted on.”

“Your destruction was a unanimous ‘yes’; only a few arms needed to be twisted to achieve that.”

The look on Sandalphon’s face shifted to one of sick satisfaction with that last statement. Beelzebub looked towards Uriel before asking a question they already knew the answer to.

“Will anything I say have a chance of changing what happens to me?”

“No.” was all they got, there was no emotion in response.

The demon gave a small nod towards the archangel with gold spots before turning to look back at the bald archangel, he seemed to be closer now.

“You’ve been caught consorting with demons, you have probably been tainted by their unholiness. Your words can’t be trusted anymore.” Sandalphon backed away from Beelzebub and began to pace in a slow threatening manner as he continued, “To be honest, I’ve had my doubts about you since Eden. How does a warrior lose their weapon? I wish I hadn’t been outvoted on your punishment for that. A demotion was the least you deserved.”

“A demon stole it from me; I was too embarrassed to tell you back then, but that’s what happened.” Bee wasn’t actually sure what story Gabriel had told his bosses when they found out he had lost his sword, but they had to say something to counter the archangel. “I thought it was that snake, since we were told not to interfere with him I didn’t think I could take it back.”

“Excuses as always.” Sandalphon bit back.

It hadn’t sounded like an excuse to the demon. It was an explanation. Maybe Gabriel was right and this archangel was not listening to a thing they were saying.

“You know, even back during the Great War you were a pathetic excuse for a warrior. They only put you in charge of protecting The Garden because you were destined to fail.”

Beelzebub recognized that the words were meant to hurt their angel, but they didn’t think Gabriel would much care what his bosses thought of his performance years ago so they said nothing. Their gaze shifted to the windows in the room, the view outside was beautiful.

“You seemed destined to fail at everything you were tasked with after that. How many human souls do you think you saved while you were stationed on Earth Gabriel?”

The demon didn’t quite catch the question as they were still looking out the window, the sound of quick footsteps made Beelzebub tense and turn towards the source, just in time to have their chin grabbed and pulled harshly upward forcing the demon to look Sandalphon in the face.

“Answer me when I’m talking to you, apostate!”

Bee tried to remember what they had been asked, and then come up with an answer. The longer they took to answer the tighter the grip on their chin grew.

“Over all those years, a few thousand at least.”

The archangel dropped their hold on the demon's face and stepped back caught in a fit of laughter. The response made Bee feel more uncomfortable than the contact had.

“What’s so funny?” the demon asked.

“You don’t really believe that do you?” The archangel was still recovering their laughter and half chuckled the question.

“Wel-” Bee started to answer but Sandalphon cut them off with a slap to the face. It hurt, but it was nowhere near the hardest the demon had ever been hit.

“Answer honestly, Gabriel.” Sandalphon barked.

“That was my honest answer.” Beelzebub raised their voice and lifted their head to glare at the archangel.

The archangel countered with a withering stare of his own and he moved even closer towards the demon before he spoke, distain dripping from each of his words.

“All those years on Earth and. You. Didn’t. Save. One.” Every word was punctuated by a finger being roughly jabbed into their chest.

Beelzebub barely felt it as the words sank into their mind. They had seen their angel reach out to so many humans to try and set them on the right path. Even outside of his orders from above, he had given helpful nudges in the right direction, heard confessions and absolved them of their sins, even given last rights, and now they were learning that none of that made a difference. Bee knew what Gabriel would say in response ‘It’s their own faults, they never could follow the rules we literally spelled out for them.’ and as much as they wanted to pass for their angel, they couldn’t say it. They couldn’t say anything, their mind reeling with the information, and their throat suddenly felt dry. Bee was unable to stop their eyes from widening in shock and horror. Sandalphon’s sickeningly satisfied grin returned as he took in the reaction he had been striving for. The archangel chuckled and stepped back, he was about to speak, but the demon managed to find their voice to cut him off.

“That can’t be right?” They found their voice stronger than they had hoped for, “I saw so many make genuine changes and truly repent, surely there are at least-”

Beelzebub’s questioning was stopped short as Sandalphon closed the distance between them again, fully, and grabbed them by the lapels of their jacket and yanked them forward. They were close enough that Bee could feel the archangel’s spit land on their face as he stated.

“You failed all of them, because you are a failure of an angel.”

The demon’s instincts from Hell took over again as they responded to counter the archangel’s harsh words.

“I bet I still made more of an impact on those humans than you’ve ever made on your fellow angels.”

Rage flared in Sandalphon’s eyes at the insult and Bee knew what would come next. They were thrown roughly to the floor with much more strength than the archangel had shown with his slap. The demon knew it would still be nowhere near the worst beating they had ever received. Reflex again led their actions as they looked up at the balding archangel fixing him with a look that dared him to give it everything he had. Sandalphon rounded on the demon and drew his leg back to kick.

“Apologies for the dela- Sandalphon, what are you doing?!?”

The new voice pulled Beelzebub’s attention and so they were not expecting the kick that hit them square in the ribs. They felt an unfortunately familiar snap as the rib cracked. They managed to keep their reaction to a sharp inhale not giving the archangel the satisfaction of crying out.

“It seems this Principality forgot his place, I was just giving him a reminder.” Sandalphon stomped into the same spot he had just kicked causing more bones to give out. Bee gave only a hiss of pain in response. “I had hoped to get him sorted out before you arrived, Aziraphale, so you wouldn’t have to tolerate his insubordination.”

“Well… I…appreciate…the gesture, but it hardly matters what he does now.” Aziraphale fidgeted quite a bit as he spoke. “We are going to…” he trailed off.

Beelzebub had never met the Supreme Archangel, but they had seen him plenty of times, most recently at the airfield. He was a white haired angel, and here in Heaven he was wearing a three piece suit that was almost entirely pure white, with the exception of a pale brown tartan vest and lightly blue bowtie. His jacket had gold accents that Bee realized matched his complexion; every time the demon had seen him before he had freckles on his face, here in Heaven they were gold speckles, smaller than Uriel’s, but still noticeable. Aziraphale did not seem at all like what Gabriel described, he seemed to pick his words carefully and appeared very unsure of himself. Bee felt sadness from the high archangel, very different from the barely disguised rage they had on Earth a few days ago. The demon almost thought that he regretted what was about to happen.

“Destroy him in Hellfire.” Uriel supplied.

“Ah…yes…that.” He winced. “I think I could put up with a few rude words before that.” The Supreme Archangel finally settled on having his hands knit together in front of him.

“I just know how sensitive you are, Aziraphale.” Sandalphon had turned to face his fellow archangel as he spoke words that seemed to have no sincerity behind them.

“This whole thing has already been so hard on you. I was just trying to make this as painless as possible for you.”

Bee caught the Supreme Archangel wince when his junior addressed him.

“Again, I am…grateful…for the thought, but I would like to get on with the trial now.”

“I agree,” Uriel was giving Sandalphon a look to tell him his fun was over, “every second we wait is a mercy this traitor is undeserving of.”

“You're right Uriel, he is undeserving of our mercy.” Sandalphon grabbed Beelzebub’s collar, pulled them up, and dragged them back to the chair and sat them, very forcefully, back down. All of the rough movement aggravated the demon’s injured ribs, but they gave no hint that it bothered them.

Sandalphon walked over to join the other archangels, positioning himself on the opposite side of Aziraphale to Uriel. The Supreme Archangel took a breath and snapped his fingers, a demon Bee only recognized in passing entered the room. He threw Hellfire onto the ground where it erupted into a column and then placed himself in the furthest corner of the room. Aziraphale looked towards Beelzebub with his piercing blue eyes, there was so much behind them that the demon felt overwhelmed, and started the trial.

“Principality Gabriel, you stand accused of interfering with the Great Plan and consorting with a demon…both…very serious crimes. For this we, the Heavenly Host, have already determined the punishment. You will be…annihilated by Hellfire. Though the ending of your story is already written you will be allowed to explain your actions so that we may understand why you would turn your back on Heaven.” The words seemed very rehearsed, and yet, the archangel was still struggling to speak certain parts.

Beelzebub knew it was their turn to speak and so they gathered what they wanted to say. They could not tell the whole truth of their relationship with Gabriel, but they still wanted to try and give the head angels some kind of story.

“The Great Plan was stupid, I have no defense for going against it other than that.” The lesser archangels didn’t seem to like that answer, but Aziraphale appeared to be waiting for the rest. “As for consorting with the demon… It started out as me thwarting their evil deeds. I thought, after a time, if I stuck closer to them I could more quickly counter their actions. Being on Earth for so long, I saw the birth and death of countless humans. So many things were always changing and I came to see Beelzebub as a constant, a comfort, so-”

“I think we’ve heard enough.” Sandalphon had interrupted them.

“I wish to hear the whole story.” the Supreme Archangel countered. “We said he would get to tell it, the least we could do is listen.”

“I agree with Sandalphon, Gabriel is just stalling at this point.” Uriel added.

“But-” Aziraphale started to protest but was cut off by a hand on his shoulder.

“He has been hanging around with a demon; we can’t even trust his words at this point.” Sandalphon tightened his grip on Aziraphale’s shoulder as he met the Supreme Archangel’s point with one of his own.

“Well, it's just-” This time the head angel cut himself off with a gasp as his shoulder was gripped even harder by the lesser archangel.

“Yes! Yes, you’re right!” Aziraphale yelped his amended statement. “We don’t need to hear anymore, it doesn’t matter why you did it, the ending is the same.”

He mumbled the last part of his statement. The hand was removed from his shoulder and Sandalphon had that terrible smile on his face as he looked towards Beelzebub.

“You heard the Supreme Archangel, the ‘trial’ is over.” There was too much excitement in his voice as he spoke. “Now you face your punishment.”

Bee started to slowly stand up from the chair. They put an unamused look on their face and moved like they were just going to leave from a rather awkward conversation rather than have their essence destroyed.

“Can I just ask? How did you get the Hellfire?” They already knew the answer, but it felt like a question Gabriel would ask before he died.

“We made an arrangement with Hell.” Uriel spoke matter of factly. “It seems they had the same fate in mind for your demonic partner.”

“Yeah, you won’t have to worry about them mourning you. They’ll be just as dead as you.” Sandalphon chuckled as he finished his addition, Bee did not change their facial expression which pretty quickly shut him up.

“So, do I just,” Bee moved a few steps closer to the Hellfire, “walk on in?”

“Yes dear boy, but I hope you can find closure within the flames. Mayhaps you and Beelzebub will be reunited in the oblivion you will become.” The Supreme Archangel's words were oddly sweet, though they earned him an elbow to the side from Sandalphon.

“Alright then, goodbye, I guess.” With those words the demon stepped into the fire.

They were greeted by the familiar burn of the unholy blaze. Bee took the flames into their lungs, the air of Heaven had been suffocatingly pure; it hurt, but it was a pain they felt welcomed by. It was Beelzebub’s turn to cackle as they turned to face the stunned archangels. While they were in the inferno they took the chance to heal their broken ribs, they rushed the process, and it hurt awfully, but then it was done. Bee concluded their laughter and, after a beat, stepped out of the flames.

“Huh, I guess consorting with demons has some benefits to it.” They remarked.

Beelzebub then turned and walked out of the room, no one tried to stop them.

 

An angel half sits on the arm of a bench in St. James Park, beside them is a demon seated in a more normal position on the bench.

“That all went pretty well on my end,” said the one who looked like an angel, “what about you?”

“Not too bad all things considered,” the one who looked like a demon replied, “it was Hell after all.”

“Well, it’s over now.”

“I think so, yeah.”

“So, should we…”

“Oh, yes. Please. Your corporation feels so cramped.”

With a hand shake the appearances of the beings on the bench swapped, returning to normal. Neither's body was any worse for wear than they had left it, though the other had healed their injuries to shield them from the knowledge of what had happened to them. Both beings relaxed for the first time in two weeks. Gabriel was the one to break the silence.

“Did anyone say anything weird in Heaven?”

Bee thought of the cruel words that had been directed at their angel; he would never need to hear them, they had just been meant to make him feel lowly. They then thought of the odd farewell the Supreme Archangel had said.

“Your boss said that he hoped we could be united in oblivion.”

Gabe sighed and rolled his eyes.

“Of course he’d say something sappy like that, one last stupid comment for the road I guess.”

Beelzebub thought that the words Aziraphale had spoken had been genuine, rather than start an argument about it right now they chose to ask the question in return.

“Did some demon say something weird, is that why you asked me that question?”

Gabriel thought about the ‘conversation’ he had with Hastur.

“Yeah, some Hastur guy said you were like a pet to your boss. And then, the guy had the gall to back up the statement.”

“Lor-er…Crowley referred to me as his pet?”

“Well, he didn’t deny it; all he really did was complain about how hard it would be to replace you.”

Bee didn’t know how to process that information, while in Heaven Gabe’s superiors had tried to make them feel inferior, but they still called him an angel. Hastur was understandable, he had never liked Beelzebub, but they had thought that Crowley somewhat respected them.

“Also, I thought I saw him smirking as I left. You know I’m not good at reading people.”

“Yes, I am very aware.”

There were clearly a lot of unsaid words of their experiences in the air between the angel and the demon, but they would remain unsaid, possibly forever. They didn’t want to know every detail of how their executions were to play out, what they wanted was to return to their normal existence on Earth. Beelzebub took the lead in this endeavor.

“I hear the British Museum just opened a temporary exhibit on the Crusades.”

“That sounds interesting, as a scholar, I should check it out.”

“Really, I thought it sounded terrible. The Crusades were so bad, why do humans like to remember them so much?”

“They were just as important as the Inquisition… just less successful.”

“I think they have just run out of things to put in the British Museum.”

“It has been tough on them ever since they had to return half their exhibits to their rightful owners.”

They both laughed at that. The banter was familiar and felt so good after everything they had been through recently. They no longer had to worry about what Heaven or Hell thought about them, so they walked arm in arm to Bee’s car; and when they got to the museum they laced their hands together and made snide comments about the inaccuracies. Ahead of them now was a future that they were both looking forward to, it made all that they had suffered in the other’s place more than worth it.