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Bdubs splashed some water on his face before his eyes returned to his reflection in the mirror. Not much was visible in the darkness of his home, but a soft amount of moonlight coming in lit up enough. His wide smile and bright eyes looked dull all alone, he was tired. Tired of everything. Tired of all the work, tired of his friends, and most importantly, Bdubs was tired of himself.
He felt guilty for being tired of his friends, it's not like they were the problem, it could never be them. Bdubs gripped the edge of the counter in his bathroom tighter as his breath sharpened.
How could he be so tired of good people? He was jealous of them if anything, their innate ability to be kind. “God, you're pathetic,” Bdubs hissed to his reflection. “You can't even cry about it anymore.” His face was wet from the water, but his tear ducts stayed dried despite their yearning for emotion for who knows how long.
His friends were surely tired of him by this point, right? They had every reason to be, Bdubs was nothing but a problem, an annoyance, a jerk, and a brat.
Even his own best friend had every reason to hate him. Etho has always been there for Bdubs, and yet Bdubs was still just as awful to him as everyone else who had the misfortune of meeting him.
Bdubs somewhat hoped that Etho hated him. He figured that if Etho hated him, then it would hurt less, in fact, maybe Etho would be happy once it's done.
Bdubs choked on the air as tears desperately tried to come, but his body refused to let them form. Everything about him was pathetic right now, both the crying and the fact he couldn't even get the tears to come.
He held his hand against his throat, stopping the flow of air. If he couldn't breathe, he couldn't cry. If he wasn't crying, then it didn't matter. It was only for a few seconds, just long enough for the feeling of pain to calm him down.
Bdubs took in a deep breath before exiting his bathroom, he knew exactly what he needed to do next, and tonight, he finally had the strength to do it.
He walked to his nightstand, next to his bed, and pulled open the heavy drawer. He pulled out the two things he needed most, a rope and a bottle of melatonin.
He hated to admit it, but he started taking melatonin before he slept about a year ago. It made him feel like an imposter, likely because he was one. How could he call himself the sleep king when he couldn't even sleep without help nowadone? He was constantly telling friends he was ‘gonna head home and get some sleep' but he never went to bed right away, he just needed to get away from the disgusted feeling in his chest when he was around them, not like it faded when he got home.
Even without his friends around, he could still feel how much better they were than him at simply being good.
Bdubs, trying to distract his thoughts again, began wrapping the road around his hand, tight. He wanted to feel the way the braided stones would burn as he pulled, tighter and tighter. His hand was losing circulation, but Bdubs didn't care. Bdubs pulled hard, trying to get it to move fast enough to give him a rope burn that dug deep enough to bleed. He had no success.
He was truly pathetic if he could not even bleed properly. This really was for the best.
Bdubs unraveled the rope from his red hand and walked slowly to his basement. He thought about doing it on one of his prized trees, but decided that no one would want to see that in the morning. He decided his basement was the best space, easy to find when people came looking. If they came looking.
Honestly, Bdubs wouldn't even blame them if they left his body to rot alone, he never deserved any of their kindness to begin with. Maybe Etho would care to look, but Bdubs hoped he didn't. He would rather Etho be happy with the peace his absence would bring.
Etho deserved a life Bdubs wasn't a part of.
Bdubs walked down the steps to his basement, listening to the wooden floor boards creak below. For once, he could feel a tear drop leave his eye and he did nothing about it. No more followed, just the singular drop followed by silence as he paused at the base of the stairs.
He wasted no more time as he pulled a chair away from a long forgotten desk. He stood atop of it, now barely able to reach the exposed ceiling. He looped over the rope on a wooden rafter before trying to tie the knot. He never thought he would need to practice something as morbid as tying a noose, but here he was struggling again. Once again, Bdubs was a pathetic mess.
He gave up, opting to tie the rope directly on his neck instead. He remembered the bottle of melatonin he had shoved into his pocket. He pulled it out and took a few of the chalky pills dry before tossing the rest to the floor, not even caring about the mess.
He hoped the melatonin supplements would help the next step go by quicker, but at this point, he knew he deserved to feel all the pain that should come, if anything, he deserved to feel pain worse than a little choking.
He kicked the side of the chair as he slightly hopped up, not wanting to get in the way of the chair's path to the floor.
The rope tightened as Bdubs' body pulled on it.
He coughed out his last breath as his head became light.
The subtle kicking in his legs slowed to a stop.
His body hung still in the quiet, dark basement of Bdubs home.
Someone would have found him if he had just waited a couple extra minutes. Maybe things didn't need to end like this. But it was too late now. All his friends were finally free from his bratty self.
But maybe they didn't want to be free from him. Maybe some of them found his temperament endearing, his insults silly, and his threats loving.
It didn't matter now, his body would soon be found by a white haired man who quickly called I'm everyone else. Bdubs would never know if they were all there to mock him or grieve him. To celebrate or to mourn.
Either way, his body hung there in pathetic glory. No note, no goodbyes, just a sorry in his heat no one would ever hear.