Work Text:
United States.
The White House.
Homelander was reading the speech Oh Father had prepared for him down to the smallest detail, while meanwhile the Boys were almost at their destination.
Oh Father was informed immediately and stepped away to deal with them.
Ashley, on the other hand, was escorted out of the room by several bodyguards. She was still the President, and her safety came before everything else.
While Homelander solemnly read his speech to the nation, Ashley was shaking off the guards to help the Boys, and Oh Father was killed by MM while reflecting on his life. At that exact moment, just as Butcher and Kimiko were arriving, Homelander interrupted the prepared speech with a sentence that would go down in history.
“You know what… world domination actually fucking sucks. Sure, being a living God is nice, but this kind of stuff just isn’t for me.”
The two burst into the room by smashing the doors open at the exact same moment.
Homelander greeted them like someone greeting an old friend.
“Hey Butcher, you made it just in time for the end of my speech,” he said with a smile.
Then he turned back toward the camera.
“Like I said, world domination is boring. Then there’d be revolts, sieges, countless murders… honestly, it’s awful. And most of you don’t even believe in me anyway, so I’ve decided I’m quitting.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?” Butcher replied, ready to cave his skull in with his trusty crowbar.
“I’m quitting, Butcher. Yesterday I was scrolling through my phone and between some shitty memes — always hated those, by the way — and a few posts from my cult, I randomly came across Lucchese. And they’re doing terribly.”
“What the fuck are you even talking about, you bastard?”
“The truth. Tuscany’s Eccellenza league is beneath them. Billionaires hang on my every word, so I’m gonna have them buy the club and bring them back to Serie C at least… and I’ll be the president. Forza Rossoneri!”
“Oi… what the fuck?!”
With that, Homelander shot into the sky, smashing through the White House roof before heading straight to Tuscany. As soon as he arrived, he forced an Italian billionaire, under threat of death, to buy Lucchese 1905 and hand over every right to him.
And so he did.
Butcher, completely shocked, informed the Boys, who had absolutely no idea what to do next. But then Butcher uttered what he called “the idea of the century.”
“I’m going on loan to Ternana Calcio.”
“On loan to Ternana?” Hughie asked in disbelief.
“Yeah, fuckin’ Ternana!”
“But Ternana are in Serie C. Homelander’s becoming president of a club in the Tuscan Eccellenza…”
“So? How the fuck am I supposed to know how Italian football works?!” he shouted aggressively.
“Look, I checked the teams around there, and honestly I think the best option is Zenith Prato.”
“Zenith Prato?”
“I know, weird name. Pretty sure they had some kind of issue with it. But what do you even mean ‘on loan’? You’ve never played football in your life.”
“The fuck do you know? Besides, some asshole owes me a favor.”
“This is gonna end horribly…” Hughie muttered hopelessly.
MM, Annie, and Kimiko, who had listened to the entire exchange, still couldn’t believe what they had just heard.
And so began their adventure in lower-division Italian football.
Lucchese kept winning match after match, and so did Zenith Prato, though Butcher took the role of manager. Serie A had banned the use of Compound V in official matches, meaning no superpowered players were allowed on the pitch.
Annie became the first female assistant manager in league history, MM worked as both doctor and fitness coach, while Hughie handled tactics.
“OI, DEFENSE, YOU BASTARDS! TRACK BACK, NUMBER THREE!”
Butcher was the most aggressive manager anyone had ever seen. TV broadcasters had basically stopped filming him entirely because every sentence he shouted would’ve been censored live on air.
The season flew by, but none of Zenith Prato’s efforts were enough.
Lucchese were simply too strong and secured promotion to Serie D with weeks to spare, while Zenith Prato got stuck in the playoffs.
When Homelander was asked during a post-match interview why he had done all of this, while celebrating the title victory, he answered with a simple sentence.
“Guys… deep down, we’re all Lucchese fans.”
After hearing that interview, Butcher continued preparing the team for the playoffs. At that point, it wasn’t about revenge anymore.
It was about pride.
Sooner or later, they’d stand above Homelander.
It was only a matter of time.
As for Hughie, he had completely stopped trying to make sense of the insanity and simply decided to go along with it. After all, the fans loved him… and honestly, working out tactics for a football club wasn’t that bad after all.