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“Sorry, but I can’t be your boyfriend, Daeyoung.”
Thus, the bucket hanging by the rope finally flipped completely, spilling its contents. Before Riku could process what happened, a student standing right under the bucket was soaked and became a spectacle for the entire school canteen.
He also still remembers what was going through his head at the time, endlessly looping ‘how is this? What should I do?’
Riku doesn’t know him at all. The student was initially dragged—or pushed—by a group of other students toward the canteen. A faint voice of the class delinquent at the time, Sato Hiragi, could be heard rising onto the podium in front of the canteen. “Please calm down for a moment everyone! I have a friend who will express his love. Let us witness this crucial moment with reverence and full support. Please, Kim Daeyoung!”
Suddenly all eyes focused on the person Hiragi pushed to the front of the canteen. Laughter from girls and jeers from boys could also be heard. Hearing the commotion, Hiragi stood with his hands on his hips, “Come on, what did I say? Don’t let us ruin Kim Daeyoung’s first love story with such noise. Please be quiet for now, everyone. Well, this is better. Come on, you too, step up here, please!”
The person whom Riku believes to be ‘Kim Daeyoung’ then slowly walked up onto the podium. With such a tall and very thin body, he would surely become the center of attention quickly. Although at that moment it was clearly Hiragi who was drawing all eyes to Kim Daeyoung. For a few moments, Riku didn’t pay attention to them, until his name was called loudly.
“Maeda Riku!”
Riku immediately turned to the voice that was entirely unfamiliar to him. “Wow, wow, is he your first love? Come on, Maeda, stand up quickly.”
Hiragi’s voice was nothing compared to the shouts of the students around. As if whatever came out of his mouth was an absolute command. And Riku himself was puzzled by why he followed the man’s orders and stood up as instructed.
If looked at closely, Sato Hiragi is actually very short compared to Kim Daeyoung. However, Hiragi’s charisma, used in a ‘wrong’ way, clearly keeps Daeyoung from moving. Riku stood up and walked a few steps forward. He couldn’t refuse because of the consequences; even harsher bullying. If it were just ostracization, that would be fine. But bullying? Riku didn’t want to escalate given what had happened to him so far. So, without any thinking, he stood up and followed.
Being the center of attention feels very odd. You walk slowly and many eyes follow you. For a while, Riku both enjoys and is frightened by the amount of attention he receives.
“This is the best part,” Sato Hiragi clapped his hands and continued, “Maeda, you only need to do one more thing. Not difficult at all. You just need to stand in your place when giving your answer.”
Answer?
“Ma-Maeda Riku ... will you be my boyfriend?”
Kim Daeyoung asked with a fearful face. Meanwhile Riku cursed under his breath, 'What the fuck is this?'
A student he did not know declares his love in the middle of the crowd. The student, who also seems to be from the same ‘group’ as him, is clearly forced to do something he would not do himself. At that moment, Riku did not know what to do. He himself did not even try to ask for help by giving which ‘answer’ would be best to say to avoid Hiragi.
Then Riku decided to follow the direction of the student's gaze, he looked up and found a small bucket whose every end was tied with a long rope—to make it easier for others to pull it from below. Seeing that, Riku was stunned. Whatever answer he gave, it seemed that it would not save them both.
So, his choice at the time was to refuse it. With the clearest option; God knows what Sato Hiragi and his gang would do to the two of them who are ‘forced’ to date. At that moment, Riku did not think about whether his choice was selfish or not. Because, after all, they both would still be bullied, at different places or times.
Splash!!
“Oh dear! Kim Daeyoung is rejected by his first love, huh. And now all drenched, too. I told you from the start, try confessing your love with flowers or chocolates. Who knows Maeda Riku might just be swooning for you.”
After the incident in the school canteen that day, Riku began to encounter Kim Daeyoung more often. Perhaps, because Riku had become aware of his existence. Unlike him, who was usually locked in the bathroom until class ended, Kim Daeyoung often he found coming out of the gym equipment room with a shabby uniform. Sometimes Riku intentionally avoided eye contact for fear Daeyoung would avenge him. Oddly, the boy did not try to meet Riku afterward either.
Until eventually he met Daeyoung again on graduation day.
Because they were both trash who wouldn't even discarded at the recycling bin—by instinct they were drawn to each other. Or perhaps people had installed some kind of 'anti Kim-Maeda' antenna. So it left them both sitting in the auditorium seats after the ceremonial event had finished.
They sat in silence, as if understanding why only they were left behind. The clamor of youth's happiness was swallowed by the corridor, growing farther away. Leaving emptiness. Leaving the two of them.
Riku peeked at a bouquet of flowers held by Daeyoung; three stems of chrysanthemums wrapped in white paper. Exactly like his. That meant they did not receive flowers from other students, because those chrysanthemums were shared equally by the school. Riku smiled bitterly.
“Are your buttons still intact?”
Riku frowned slightly before turning to Daeyoung. He pointed to Riku's blazer buttons that are still fastened tightly together. “We should have agreed to give each other's buttons,” Daeyoung laughed softly. “So we wouldn’t look too uncool.”
Daeyoung walked slowly toward him and pulled another chair. His joke was met with a smile.
“We're even worse than uncool.”
“Yeah ... then what would you call it?” Daeyoung asked, posing as if thinking hard. Riku copied his weird pose.
“What is it? To be honest, I don’t know there is another level above uncool.”
“Maybe there isn’t. So we could be the pioneers. The world’s first-beyond-uncool HAHAHA!”
“Then we are uncool-squared.”
“Yes! Exactly, uncool-squared. Then we’ll patent the term.”
“So it won’t be used as a brand name for clothes or a cafe.”
“Right. If they don’t want to pay copyright to us.”
Then they burst into laughter together. In the middle of the empty auditorium, their voices echoed down the corridor.
Riku stopped laughing first. He watched Daeyoung who still hadn’t stopped laughing, perhaps because he kept imagining various kinds of ‘uncool’ and its derivatives. His facial expression looked brighter and different than usual. Riku even noticed a few tiny birthmarks around his eyes and on his hands. Maybe Daeyoung—finally—felt a little relief after this graduation. Free from all the despair he goes through daily.
“Kim Daeyoung, nice to meet you,” Riku offered his right hand. “I-I … maybe you remember me from that incident. I just want to apologize.”
Daeyoung finally stopped laughing. But he just looked at the hand, as if guessing Riku would continue saying something else.
“I truly feel guilty after that day. But I still don’t have the courage to apologize in person every time we meet.”
“Uncool-squared,” he muttered.
Riku immediately bowed his head. How ironic.
“I’m not really making fun of you, y’know.”
Daeyoung greeted that right hand and shook it firmly, “fellow uncool-squared.” He shook his hand as hard as he could and smiled broadly, as if what Riku said wasn’t truly sincere from the heart and he responded with the same attitude.
“I’m serious, Daeyoung! What Hiragi and his gang did cannot be forgiven!”
His brow furrowed a bit seeing Riku suddenly speak up. “I’m serious too. We both can’t move in front of them. What do you want us to do?”
“Accept you?”
“And we’re being bullied together? Wouldn’t it be better if you were free from Hiragi?”
Riku’s heart sank hearing that name again. It reminded him of how Hiragi humiliated Daeyoung in front of the canteen.
“You were right ....”
However, for some reason, Riku still wasn’t satisfied. “If you don’t mind, I want to know about that day. Hiragi and his gang … what else did they force you to do after I declined you?”
Daeyoung’s expression slowly changed. His smile faded and the spark in his eyes disappeared. Riku cursed himself.
"There’s nothing weird or anything. Just mopping the room with my uniform piece. I mean, I’ve been bullied much worse than that."
"Sorry, Daeyoung ....”
"Huh, why? You're not joining them, tho?"
Riku cursed Daeyoung and his positive feeling. No, maybe it wasn’t positivity at all. He must be very naive or stupid. Daeyoung shouldn’t forgive him so easily.
"You don’t owe me anything. Your name is Maeda Riku, right? May I call you Riku? Well, Riku, what I mean is we were cornered at that time, if you remember."
Riku really doesn’t want to remember that day. Besides the creeping guilt, there’s a deep resentment toward the Hiragi gang. That resentment had existed before, but it grew worse after seeing what they did to Daeyoung.
"When you think about it, they’re far lamer than us. They bullied us in a group setting like that. Meanwhile we took it all alone. That means we’re stronger."
Is that so? Or could this also be some kind of positive thinking that only sees things from the bright side? But Daeyoung’s words also have some truth ....
"You ... how should I say it, you’ve also been bullied by the girls, right? One of them is Hiragi’s girlfriend?"
Riku nodded. The girls in his class often lock him in the bathroom during gym class or whenever Riku goes to the toilet. Several times Riku had to sit there until someone helped him out. If he’s really unlucky, Riku has to crawl out under the door’s gap, but his uniform gets dirty from the bathroom floor. When Riku returns to class, they act as if nothing happened. The fact that he’s bullied by the girl students is enough to make him even more dismissed by the Hiragi gang. They consider him a weak boy.
"I should also apologize for not being able to help you. If that could make you feel better."
That’s right. Why should Riku worry about such things? In the end, they could be free from everything after today. They are free to do whatever they want.
Riku opened the yearbook that was handed out with the bouquet of flowers, page by page until a photo of Hiragi appeared.
"Fuck Sato Hiragi and his gang. Screw them!" he shouted while tearing the paper on that page.
Daeyoung stared in shock and laughed, then followed his actions. Riku didn't just stop at Hiragi's photo, but also his friends'.
"You die, Hiragi!"
Daeyoung shouted like Goku character performing the Kamehameha move, then stomped on his yearbook just as brutally.
"Hey, hey! Your photo is there too. Don't ruin it yet."
"Haha! Right. Oh, Riku, do you want to sign my yearbook? We can take turns. I saw a lot of kids signing each other's like that."
"Ah, is that so? Sure, why not."
"Um, why do I feel a bit shy saying this ... if you don't mind, could you write your number too?"
Riku saw Daeyoung's face turn as red as a tomato. Writing phone numbers in the yearbook was indeed a way to 'confess’ to someone you liked. But Riku didn't expect Daeyoung to be so straightforward about it.
"Argh, I'm sorry. Please don't get the wrong idea!" said Daeyoung, putting his hands together.
"Wow, I actually wanted to write my phone number. Am I being too full of myself?"
"Huh?!"
"HAHAHA!"
Riku burst out laughing at the expression on the guy's face in front of him, a mix of embarrassment and annoyance. Daeyoung flustered before finally signing the yearbook. The Tsukino Usagi pen belonging to Riku, which he borrowed to write, also trembled, either because he was struggling to hold back laughter or simply because he was ashamed.
At that moment, Riku observed him quite closely. Even though he had a tall posture, Daeyoung wrote while slightly hunched over—maybe this was the origin of the nickname 'Hunchback Daeyoung' that he often heard from Hiragi's gang. His long bangs seemed deliberately left hanging to cover one or two puberty pimples that appeared on his forehead (which, according to Riku, were small enough to be noticed). There were two cute canine teeth sticking out, forming a rather sweet crooked smile. If you looked closely, Daeyoung was actually much more handsome than Sato Hiragi, or even any guy in this school.
Pink flower petals flew into the auditorium window, then perched atop Daeyoung's hair. While he was busy chattering about Mamoru Chiba, Riku quietly picked up the flower petals and tucked them into the middle of the yearbook, sandwiching it between sheets of photos of students he barely know.
“Ah, the window is open. But it looks nice this way, doesn’t it? It gives the impression of truly graduated. Here, your turn!”
Riku received his yearbook back and studied Daeyoung's doodles that he had written in blue ink.
XXX-XXX-XXX
Kim Daeyoung, 1999, Auditorium C
Call me!
“Why? Don’t just stay silent.”
Riku simply smiled and grabbed the pen from his right hand. “By the way, Daeyoung, why did you pick me when you were about to confess in the canteen? You’re randomly choosing people, aren’t you?”
He could hear Daeyoung choke on his own saliva and cough. Riku looked up to see his face, once again red like a tomato from school garden. “If you’re really just joking, you’re as mean as Hiragi, you know.”
“Huh?! That’s not a joke!” He rubbed the back of his neck repeatedly, “beforehand, I was actually paying attention to you. Then Hiragi and his gang showed up, maybe they were also watching who I was paying attention to at that time.”
Riku vaguely remembered how his body reacted when he heard the confession; his cheeks felt hot.
“Um ... after this, where do you want to go next? College or to work?” asked Riku, trying to change the subject.
“Haven't thought that far yet. What I do know is I want to get revenge.” Daeyoung continued, “I have to become someone great, or famous. Someone who appears often on TV or in advertisements. I have to frequently show up on billboards until Hiragi and his gang are sick of it! Until they can't go anywhere because they’re disgusted by my looks. What do you think?”
Riku fell silent. It had never occurred to him to seek revenge. He thought that by graduating and continuing a normal life, it would be enough to erase the memories of the dark past. Riku did not expect Daeyoung to have such a strong determination to plan his future, which apparently, had not yet escaped from his school days.
“Ah, it seems that if you work hard and become a great person, there will be many people who truly like you. But I doubt they will care.”
“They will surely care. Just wait, Riku. Wait for it! HAHAHA!”
After a conversation that started with a discussion about the patent of ‘uncool-squared’ term, and then continued to the bullying they had experienced (Riku told him about bullying in the toilet and how the girls often used his gym shirt as a duster for the chalkboard, Daeyoung told him about his uniform being swapped with dirty uniforms of other students, and Riku nearly crying at the story when Daeyoung was forced to swallow a chalk), it turned out that Riku had never met Daeyoung again.
Besides a few phone rings in the summer, which only lasted an hour and were filled with stories of his activity planting cabbages and his trip to Tokyo, Riku never truly met again.
Oh, maybe just once.
At that moment, Riku found a giant digital billboard in Shibuya. An advertisement for a renowned fashion brand from the past decade. Daeyoung appeared half-body, wearing a leather jacket worth millions. Beneath it, large letters read: ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AKARI!’ with his super weird signature.
Riku only laughed softly. Even after he became a successful entertainer, Daeyoung still faithfully used the signature from his yearbook. A signature that looked like chicken feet and adorned with stars.
“I want my stage name to be cool. Maybe like Hikari or Hoshi, or maybe Star? Now many artists use Western-sounding names.” he said on the phone during one summer, before he officially became a trainee idol at the entertainment agency.
“Whatever. In my eyes you’re still Kim Daeyoung.”
“Ah, my name doesn’t sell well enough. If you want to become a chicken stall businessman, that’s more suitable.”
“Hey, Daeyoung is cool too! So what if you become a chicken stall businessman? That’s also a good job.” he protested. But somewhat it’s true that it’s a total waste if Daeyoung’s face, which has the high potential to attract investors through television, is only used to attract mothers who often the loyal chicken-buyers.
"Because chickens are also allowed to dream of becoming stars, Riku."
"What kind of chicken is that? The one whose feed is mixed with datura?"
"Me. I'm the chicken."
No matter how often Riku mocked his metaphor, Daeyoung was still convinced that he was a chicken dreaming of becoming a star. His chicken feet and star were not just his identity, but also a constant reminder to himself; that every time he signed his name, it was a sign for him to keep moving forward.
Even if Riku called him datura-drunk.
"Happy birthday, Daeyoung ...." he whispered while taking a picture of the billboard.
Four years later, Riku felt changes within himself. On the surface, Riku seemed just fine. He still left for work at 7:00 AM and greeted his coworkers. However, in his apartment when no one was around, in the silence, Riku felt a constant strangeness. Riku experienced stress and often hurt himself. His family was furious when they found rolls of bandages usually used to wrap wounds on his wrists. Oddly, Riku was still afraid of injections and still startled when he slipped. His feelings could be very mixed up one day and numb the next day. He even forgot when exactly he started feeling prolonged sadness, until he became too deeply immersed in loneliness.
At critical times like that, for some reason, the person who came to his mind was Daeyoung. How was his life now? Had he managed to get his revenge on that school jerk by becoming a celebrity who appeared on national television? Was he satisfied and starting to truly plan a future that was purely his own desire?
It turns out that celebrity life is completely unpredictable.
One day, Riku was picking out bananas at a minimarket, comparing the price on the sign with the market price on the internet. The television in the middle of the store was broadcasting the latest celebrity news: actor, model, and famous idol group member, Akari, was found lifeless in his apartment that morning.
Riku sighed.
He put the bananas back in their place, then pushed his cart to the cashier. None of his other groceries that day were discounted, except for the curry-seasoned chicken. Riku carrying the shopping bag to the parking lot, then he sat down near Toyota Prius that was best-seller that year. While taking a cigarette out of his pocket, he kept thinking: is revenge really the best way to end the story?
One and two teenage girls who just arrived wore Mary Jane shoes paired with loose socks. Their skirts are trimmed slightly above the knee and they talk about the handsome idol they are obsessed with and the difficulty of college entrance exams.
Riku exhaled. It turns out there are so many things in this world that are easily replaceable.
If that's how it is, what do you think, Kim Daeyoung?