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Amane wasn’t one who typically liked the discipline her parents taught her growing up. It was something she could never truly understand. Despite that, it’s all she’s ever known, and it’s what she’ll do if needed. If she didn’t, her heart would become hollow, and she’d cease to exist.
It wasn’t nice at all, it brought back many memories she’d wish she could repress. It was engraved into her, it became a part of her. She could not simply let it go. Even if she disliked it, she knew it worked. It worked on her. So now it’ll work on him.
She loved her follower, her only believer. For now. She didn’t want to hurt him. She’d never hurt her dear brother if she had the choice. The choice is not hers, it never has been. The fate of him wasn’t in her hands. If so, would her life lose all meaning? Would her mother’s death be meaningless? Of course; that is the answer. She would not let her attachments get in the way of following the rules. She was the one to decide to carry on the discipline when the rules are broken, after all. She thoroughly taught him the rules, just like how her parents did for her. He broke the rules, just like how she used to.
If not punish him, then why live at all?
Her biggest worry was to scare him away, or to drive him to death. That’s something she’d never wish for, not after his dedication and bond they have created together. Amane didn’t expect to create a relationship so profound in a place like this, and not one with him. He was surprisingly loyal, and she liked that.
Hadn’t he been through enough?
Hmmm…
She pondered. Then she remembered what she had been through. Every time the stick had left her bruises and aches while other children could never dream of such pain, while she waited outside, cold and drenched… the electric shock that made her feel like she was dying. A lesson would be what that is, simple as that. Another way to show how pain is but a journey to repent and be freed of sin.
No more hesitation! She couldn’t be fixed on that forever. No, no. Amane needed not to let it consume her, or she’d lose purpose and her humanity. Had she ever felt fully human? Of course, of course! But never like a child. And so, as that, she did not need to act like one, and could make her own grown-up decisions.
No matter how much begging he’d do, she decided she wouldn’t listen. So when he was so quiet and accepting, she immediately wanted to change her mind. She knew she couldn’t. She knew that it was what had to be done.
She hated her parents so much while they did this, what if he hates her that way too?
…
She shook her head, she couldn’t-
He’ll hate her. He’ll leave. He’ll stop believing. He’ll scatter away.
“Fuuta!” She shouted, her tone more aggressive than it usually was and he flinched in response. She wasn’t sure why she shouted his name, maybe it was to get out of her head.
“Y-yes, sister… what do you… need?” He whispered. Amane walked up to him and stared down at his face as he sat on his bed.
She carefully placed her hand on the top of his head, softly ruffling his hair.“You went against the rules…” He nodded his head at that and looked down.
“I just… I just ate meat, I didn’t think you’d-”
“It’s a rule to only eat the riches that were provided by nature. I told you, didn’t I..? I understand you are no fan of vegetables, but you need to follow the rules.”
He stared at the floor and nodded his head once more. The way he was being so compliant made Amane’s stomach sick. At least if he refused, she’d feel better about punishing him.
…
Why do you want to hurt him so badly?
If she doesn’t do this, would she have to punish herself…?
Wouldn’t that mean the both of them would have to be punished…? She slowly placed her hand on its handle, picking it up in her hands, feeling the cold metal, its temperature freezing from the continents inside.
You only wanted him in your religion to project and to have someone to control-
He let out an air gasp when he felt the ice cold water splash onto his body. Amane looked at the pitiful sight before looking away. She knew how it felt all too well. He was already shivering, maybe she had added too much ice. She recalls that her parents wouldn’t use ice often, and usually not much of it. She perhaps got carried away while she placed them in.
It should have sufficed, it really should have. She remembered, though, that her parents would keep going from there. She did not possess a taser, and she wouldn’t want to use it on him either way, not for something as simple as what he did, though her mother wouldn’t have hesitated.
She picked up a wooden stick and watched as his eyes followed it when she brought it up. Every time she closed her eyes, she recalled being beaten by it, then beating her with it. Some sort of anger, one she usually managed to suppress, rose within her.
The sound of grunting and wood against wet skin filled the room, and the other prisoner just took it. She figured he endured it for the reason “I have been through worse pain”. Even so, seeing him that way didn’t make her feel any better. She smashed it against his head a little rougher than intended and a small yelp escaped his mouth. He was knocked back further than the other hits had made him. Amane watched him slowly bring up his hand to the side of his head and run his fingers through his hair to reach his scalp. He removed his hand, now stained with blood. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to make the girl stop and drop the weapon to the floor.
She went closer to his head to inspect the wound, “Fuuta I-”
“Worry not, sister… we’re fine…” He whispered in a reassuring tone, still shaking from the cold. She hesitated, it was the answer she wanted to hear, but not at once. She knew for sure he had to have been lying.
Amane looked down to the floor, then back at him, “I apologize…” She paused, not really knowing how to continue, “rest for now, I will pray for your recovery… I’ll see you tomorrow. Now sleep.”
She helped him lay down in his soaked bed from the cold water. She placed the blanket over him before he could protest.
“I can take care of myself…” He mumbled, to which Amane quickly shut that down.
“It’s important to take care of each other, my disciple. Sleep.” She repeated. “You need it.” He slowly closed his eye, obeying her order.
Amane grabbed her stuff before heading towards the exit of his cell. She turned back around to look at his trembling state before leaving. Once in her own cell, she sat down on the hard floor on her knees and intertwined her fingers together in a praying motion to ask for her follower’s wounds to heal quickly.
After she finished praying, she sat up on her bed and wondered… How many more times would she have to do this…? She knew he’d struggle with the transition, but she did not want to do that again. The look on his face was something that didn’t make her feel well or that what she was doing was the right thing. As she laid down on her bed, she remembered once more how she felt when she was put in that situation. Why would she want someone else to go through that..?
You didn’t want to be alone in this. Someone else needed to feel the pain as well. Someone needed to understand.
This cycle was unbreakable, it was but a fun dance to play. The pages of the story would para para until someone else got hurt. Again and again, another would fall victim to discipline one way or another. She then thought… What was the reason he took it so well..? Could it be that this was the first time he was disciplined, or maybe he was already used to punishment?
She slowly drifted off to sleep, the guilt inside her heart slowly dispersing. Not gone, but different. Not as weighing… Her guilt was now scattered around her heart, mixing with the quiet guilt of what she had done to her mother.
She didn’t feel bad… She was just… Following the rules.. Following all she’s known… Following what she was taught. She has no reason to feel bad.
And with that, she fell asleep with a satisfied smile on her face, once again beginning the cycle of regretting nothing…
Even if it felt like a lie.
________
The next morning, Amane walked over to Fuuta’s cell to find him sneezing and coughing.
Oh goodness, he’s fallen sick!