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The last thing Beelzebub had expected on a relaxing, rainy Sunday afternoon was their boyfriend’s former boss to show up on their doorstep unannounced and without any memories. Really all the demon had wanted was to spend the day laying atop their angel while he read Kafka aloud. Even more unexpected was Gabe immediately slamming the door shut as soon as he realized who the person on the doorstep was.
“Darling what was that for?” Beelzebub questioned as they moved from the couch to meet Gabriel near the door.
“You saw who it was. The only thing he could want is trouble.” The angel waved his hand dismissively and walked away from the door. “Probably just coming in person to beg me to come back to Heaven. Must have gotten tired of me ignoring his letters.”
The demon looked between their partner and the door.
“It wouldn’t hurt to check. It’zzz not like him to come unannounced.”
“Maybe he mentioned it in his last letter. It’s not like I read the thing.”
Beelzebub considered that. It was true that at this point, ten years after their failed executions, Gabe had gotten into the habit of burning any letters he received from Heaven. Though all of the letters only came from the Supreme Archangel, Aziraphale. From the few the demon had read they were simple inquiries into the other angel’s wellbeing and gentle reminders that the Archangel would argue in favor of Gabriel if he wanted to come back to Heaven.
“Still seems rude to slam the door in his face and leave him out in the rain.”
“He deserves it B. He tried to have me killed. Imagine how you would feel if your boss showed up here.”
“I don’t think my bozzz would let me slam the door in his face but I guezzz I see your point.”
In Beelzebub’s opinion, their boss was very different from their boyfriend’s. Maybe they had a biased view from the execution but that was their main reference for the Archangel. There was no need for the angel to be polite or soothing after everything he’d had to deal with because of the rogue angel and demon. Despite all that though he was kind and seemed genuine in his final words. Beelzebub saw the same soft eyes when they looked out the door’s window at the soaked Archangel. In a decision they knew would annoy their partner, the demon opened the door.
“Can we help you?” The demon’s words came out a bit harsher than they’d meant them to, residual anger at Gabriel bleeding through.
“I certainly hope so.” The Archangel smiled. “Do you know why I am here?”
Beelzebub was not expecting that and stood there stunned for a moment. While they were frozen Gabriel made his way back over to the door. He looked very pissed whether it was more at Beelzebub or Aziraphale it was hard to gauge.
“Oh ha ha,” the angel deadpanned, “very funny.”
“Was it? I had not meant it to be.” Aziraphale’s face shifted to confusion and his hand clasped together, thumbs worrying over each other.
“Really you don’t know why you’re here?” Gabriel asked clearly not believing the Archangel.
“No.” Aziraphale responds earnestly. “In fact I do not know how I got here. I think I walked down that street but nothing before that.”
The genuineness from the Archangel was starting to scare Beelzebub. As a demon they were very good at telling when someone was lying but they sensed no deception from Aziraphale. Gabriel, not having such abilities, shot the demon a look that said ‘can you believe this guy?’ before turning back to his former boss.
“That’s nice. Now, why don’t you leave.” With that he slammed the door in the Archangel’s face a second time.
“Why did you do that!?!”
“He was annoying me with his stupid act.”
“It wazzzn’t an act! He wazzz telling the truth!”
“Why do you care so much, B?” Gabriel moved to walk away but Beelzebub stepped in front of him. “Even if he’s telling the truth, why does it matter to us?”
“Becauzzze he came here. Whether he knowzzz why he did it or not, he thought you would help him. At least let him get out of the rain, he’zzz soaked.”
The demon’s exasperation was clear from the way their S’s buzzed, an annoying habit that they tried to control. Gabriel looked back and forth between his partner and former boss before letting out a long sigh.
“Fine but only for a minute.” The angel moved back and opened the door again. “Sorry about that Supreme Archangel. Please come in.”
“Oh, thank you, dear.” Aziraphale smiled at him, expression turning slightly confused. “Why did you call me that? What does it mean?”
“I- Because it’s your title?” Gabriel seemed honestly thrown by the question.
“Of course.” The Archangel nodded. “What is a title?”
Instead of answering Gabriel walked over to stand next to Beelzebub while muttering a long string of curses. He grabbed his partner’s hands and looked pleadingly into their eyes.
“I’m going to need your help with this. I didn’t think he could get any more annoying than he was but if he asks me one more dumbass question I will slap him.”
“Okay, darling.” Beelzebub squeezed his hands before letting go to pat him on the shoulder. “I’ll tag in.”
“Thank you.”
The demon walked over to the Archangel who was just standing in the middle of the library’s doorway where Gabriel had left him. A small puddle of water had begun to form beneath him and Beelzebub thought that drying the angel off should take president over anymore questions.
“Come on,” the demon gently grabbed Aziraphale’s hand. Aziraphale moved his hand away the second the demon brushed his skin. Beelzebub quickly adjusted and grabbed the angel’s sleeve instead which was met with no resistance. The Archangel didn’t say anything as he was guided towards the back where the fireplace was. Thankfully the pair had lit a fire earlier to add to the atmosphere of their lazy afternoon. Now the warmth would help dry the soaked angel and hopefully make him feel more comfortable. Gabriel followed after the two and was actually starting to seem concerned. Beelzebub was about to comment on their angel’s newfound worry until said angel opened his mouth.
“You are not about to let him sit on my sofa are you?”
In response the demon miracled a towel, threw it down on the couch, and sat the Archangel down, glaring at Gabriel the whole time.
“You just make yourself comfortable and I’ll go make you some tea.” With that the demon rounded the couch, grabbed their angel and dragged him into the kitchen. “Why are you being such a dick right now?”
“I think you’re the one acting irrationally here.”
“What, for treating the guy with basic human decency?”
“Yes!” Gabriel shouted, throwing his hands up in exasperation. “Did you forget the part where he was okay with erasing us from existence!?!”
“No. Of course not but you weren’t there for your execution. He seemed very sad about having to kill you.”
“Oh that’s reassuring. He clearly didn’t care enough to stop it.”
“You know that's not his decision to make!” Beelzebub tried to distract from their anger by brewing a pot of tea. “The other Archangels and the Metatron also came up with it.”
“What, so you aren’t still pissed at your boss about it?”
“To be honest I haven’t seen my boss since then but if I did see him I think I would be nice enough not to leave him to freeze in a rainstorm.”
“He would have been fine, B. He’s an angel, it’s not like he can get sick.”
“It’s hard to talk to you when you’re acting like this.” Beelzebub huffed and finished their self assigned task and poured the finished tea into three mugs arranged on a tray along with a sugar bowl and milk jug. “You are welcome to join me in the living room when you start acting like an adult.”
With that the demon grabbed the tray and walked back out and joined Aziraphale on the couch. They were in the middle of handing the Archangel a teacup when they noticed the thing in his hand. They thankfully managed to keep from dropping the cup in shock.
“Where did you get that!?!”
“What? This?” Aziraphale for his part seemed equally confused but not nearly as concerned as the demon. In fairness, given the apparent memory loss, the Archangel had no reason to know the significance of the black and red snake in his hand. Beelzebub on the other hand would recognize their boss’s snakes anywhere. “I do not know, he was just in my pocket.”
Beelzebub fought down a scream since they didn’t want to upset Aziraphale. They quickly gave the angel the tea and excused themselves back to the kitchen.
“We might have a problem.”
“Oh so now the Supreme Archangel being here is a problem?”
“This is no time for your sazzz one of my bozzz’z snakes is in here!”
“How the Hell did it get past my ward?”
“I don’t know but it’s in here. You need to get rid of it.”
“Why is it suddenly my responsibility?”
“Because if I touch it my boss will know and probably drag me straight down to Hell to explain myself.”
“And that won’t happen to me?”
“Probably not.” Beelzebub shrugged.
“I will not take a risk on a probably, B!”
Beelzebub let out a sigh and collected their thoughts. They were suddenly struck by a memory of earlier that day when they had been meeting with Shax in the park. The demon vaguely remembered the other saying something about trouble brewing in Heaven. A sudden revelation occurred to Beelzebub as the strange pieces of today clicked together into a coherent and concerning picture.
“Oh shit. I think we might have a bigger issue on our hands. Remember how I told you Shax said something was going on Up there?”
“Yeah what about…fuck.”
Clearly Gabriel had come to the same conclusion as his partner. Whatever was happening in Heaven it had something to do with the amnesiac Archangel currently sitting on their sofa.
“Thizzz izz not good. If my bozzz findzzz out that the Supreme Archangel is on Earth and venerable he’zzz bound to do something.”
“You’re being really vague right now and it’s concerning me. What sort of things will he do if he finds out.”
“I can only imagine he’d hold the Archangel hostage and kill uzzz both for being witnessezzz.”
“Well that’s not great.” Gabriel started pacing. “My side won’t be too pleased either. They might accuse us of masterminding whatever is going on. Same result though, we’re toast.”
“So what should we do?”
“We kick him out, obviously. This is why I didn’t want to bring him in here in the first place.”
“We can’t do that! He came here for a reason. He must have thought you would help.”
“Or this is all some elaborate ruse to have us both executed again. Something like this could get us erased from the book of life. Whatever your side could cook up would look like a treat compared to that!”
“Maybe we could hide him then. From both our sides.”
“How would we do that? Any miracle on that scale would be a big red flag.”
“What if we each did a half miracle? You hide him from your side, I hide him from mine.”
Gabriel paused considering the offer.
“It might work. But it will have to be the smallest half miracle either of us has ever cast.”
Beelzebub nodded in agreement. The pair then went back out into the main room where Aziraphale was still sitting on the couch, hands holding the teacup and eyeing it curiously. The snake had wrapped itself around the Archangel’s shoulders and apparently fallen asleep. The Archangel smiled at the two as they entered.
“Thank you for the tea, dear. It has really warmed my hands up.”
“Yeah it’zzz no trouble.” Beelzebub moved to stand on one side of Aziraphale while Gabriel moved to the other. “Would you mind sitting still for just a moment? We just have a quick thing to sort out.”
“Of course.” Aziraphale set the cup down on the table in front of him and sat back with his hands resting on his knees.
When the angel had settled the demon placed a hand on his still damp shoulder, shortly followed by Gabriel. The two nodded at each other before carefully performing the smallest miracle they could manage. Once done they looked back at each other with uncertainty.
“Did it work?” Beelzebub asked cautiously. They spared another small miracle to dry the Archangel off.
“I think so.” Gabriel brushed his hand against the wall of the library, checking the wards. “That was a fine half miracle, my little fruit fly. Now to get rid of that snake.”
“Why would you want to get rid of Able?” Aziraphale’s normal cheeriness was suddenly replaced by concern. “He hasn’t done anything.”
“You named him?” Beelzebub asked in concern.
“Well just because it hasn’t yet doesn’t mean it won’t in the future.” Gabriel shrugged but the irritation was clear in his posture. “Best to throw it out before something happens.”
“You can’t throw him out, he is my friend.” Aziraphale looked close to tears as the other angel approached him. “He’s the only person or thing I can seem to recall anything about.”
Gabriel suddenly stopped his approach as he noticed a small detail on the snake's head. He quickly backed off and walked over to Beelzebub.
“Bad news,” the angel sighed and whispered. “That snake has a mark of holy protection on it”
“What does that mean?” In all their time of living Beelzebub had never heard of such a concept.
“Not sure. They tend to range in power based on who placed it and what it’s meant to do.” Gabriel tapped his chin in thought for a moment. “Worst case scenario it will instantly smite anyone who touches it. On the other hand it could do nothing but tell the person who placed it when it was touched.”
“So basically the same spot as me then.”
“Unfortunately.” The angel let out a very long, exasperated sigh before turning back to the Archangel. “Well lucky for you it looks like the snake gets to stay for now.”
“That is good. I would hate to lose him.” Aziraphale scratched the snake on the chin.
“Okay I think it’s time you started explaining yourself.” Gabriel said as he moved to stand in front of the other angel. He crossed his arms and looked down his nose at his former boss. “Why in Her good name are you here?”
“That is a very good question.” Aziraphale nodded in thought. “I wish I had an answer, dear, but I am afraid I do not.”
“You know this act is starting to get really annoying. Not that it’s a hard thing for you.”
“Would you mind if I asked a question?”
“I’ll humor it.”
“You seem to know me. Would you happen to know who I am?”
Both the angel and demon were stunned into silence for a moment though for different reasons. Beelzebub was shocked at the fact that the Supreme Archangel seriously had no memory of anything at all. Gabriel was shocked because he didn’t think his former boss could possibly get any more irritating.
“Really what kind of stupid question is that?”
“I don’t think it’s silly, I really do not know.”
“Your name is Angelo.” Beelzebub quickly cut in, earning a glare from Gabriel. They shot their boyfriend a look that said ‘just follow me on this we will discuss this later’. “And of course we know you, you’ve been an assistant librarian here for a while now.”
Aziraphale seemed to consider the idea for a moment. He must have been satisfied because he nodded and went back to his usual smile.
“Yes, that must be it. Just one more question if you do not mind.”
“Shoot.” Beelzebub felt a little silly when all they got in return was a confused look from the Archangel. “I mean go on.”
“Would you happen to know anyone named Crowley?”
“Why do you know that name?” The demon was trying to remain calm but internally they were screaming.
“Well it was written on this letter that I had in my pocket.” Aziraphale held out said letter for the others to see. It was quickly snatched up by Gabriel and Beelzebub had to grab his arm to keep the letter in their line of sight. It was a simple white envelope with gold lettering spelling out Crowley’s name. It looked like any other letter Gabriel had ever received from Aziraphale so it was easy to conclude who wrote it, the next big question was why? Opening the letter revealed more of the Archangel’s neat handwriting but not much else. All of the contents of the letter was nonsensical references to things like a clifftop or even the Titanic. The only thing that made any sense was the closing remark of ‘I have complete faith in you my dear.’
“What does any of this mean?” Gabriel asked, irritation almost tipping his tone into yelling.
“I do not know. Do you know the person it is addressed to?” Aziraphale looked very hurt by the other angel’s tone of voice and confusing questions. “I am sure they would know what to make of it.”
“Yeah well that’s not going to happen.”
“Why do you not know the person?” Aziraphale frowned.
“No, I know him.” Now Gabriel’s tone became more condescending. “And I also know that that bastard would probably immediately burn this letter.”
“Why would he do that?” The Archangel seemed very lost by the conversation. Beelzebub couldn’t blame him; they were also a little thrown by Gabriel’s words. “If I wrote him a letter I must have thought he would read it. Otherwise what would be the point?”
“I can’t speak for you but from what I know of this guy I don’t know where you would get the idea that he was one to read letters. Or knew how to read in general.”
Beelzebub elbowed their angel out of habit at the comment.
“How about we just save him the trouble?” Gabriel shrugged and casually tossed the paper into the fire.
Both Aziraphale and Beelzebub both reacted in horror. The Archangel began to sob as the tears he’d been fighting back finally won out. The snake around his shoulders moved to rub its head against the angel’s cheek in a comforting manner. Without thinking Beelzebub reached in and grabbed the letter back out before it could burn. The flames scorched the demon’s hand but not majorly and they managed to grab the letter back quickly. To their surprise the paper was still as pristine as it was before.
“What the Heaven izzz wrong with you!?!” Beelzebub rounded on Gabriel, dropping the letter onto the coffee table.
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you B!?!” Gabriel was fuming. “You’ve been acting like this is normal when nothing about this situation is anything close to normal!”
“I’m not acting like this izzz normal!” Beelzebub liked many things about their angel but his stubborn attitude was not one of them. “I’m acting like a decent person who izzz trying to figure out what izzz happening!”
“No you are acting like the person sitting on our couch didn’t try to have us both killed! Or did you forget that part?”
“Of course I remember that but I told you before he seemed upset about it!”
“That’s really comforting! I’m so glad that he would have been a little sad if his plan succeeded!” Gabriel crossed his arms and rolled his eyes in irritation.
“You are so damn stubborn Gabe! I would think an angel would be more understanding of second chancezzz and forgivenezzz!”
“Well we both know I’ve always been a pretty shitty angel! Just like you’re apparently a shitty excuse for a demon!”
“I would rather be a nice demon than a hypocritical angel!” Beelzebub put their hands on their hips and puffed out their chest.
“The way I see it, one of us was a bigger failure as an angel and my wings are still looking pretty white!”
“Really?! You’re bringing the Fall into thizzz?!”
“Well if you’re going to say that I’m a bad angel it’s only fair to set the record straight!”
“That is exactly what I’m talking about! It’zzz like you can’t help but be an azzz!”
“I’m just being honest! I’m nice enough to not pretend like I like someone!”
“I am not pretending!”
“Oh come on B! You can’t seriously expect me to believe that you actually care about the wellbeing of the Supreme Archangel!?”
“Why wouldn’t I!?! Look at him Gabe!” Beelzebub huffed and gestured to the still crying angel on the couch. “What do you think will happen from showing him a little sympathy?!”
“I don’t know, maybe he’ll decide to try and kill us again?! For all we know this is a big ruse to catch us again!”
“He doesn’t seem the type to me!”
“Well you don’t know him like I do B! I’ve worked for the guy for centuries! This niceness is all one big act!”
“Did you forget that I can tell when people are lying?!”
“Fine!” Gabriel turned and stormed towards the stairs. “Believe what you want but don’t come crying to me when this goes sideways!”
With that the angel disappeared before Beelzebub could get any final words in. The demon stood there for a moment, seething. They let out a long string of curses under their breath before taking a few deep breaths to calm down. Beelzebub turned to Aziraphale once they felt like they wouldn’t spontaneously combust. The angel was still sitting on the couch with his head in his hands. The sobs had turned into more subdued crying but the demon still felt a pang of sadness at the sight. They sat down on the sofa next to Aziraphale, hands hovering awkwardly before resting on the angel’s shoulders. The angel tensed under their hands and the demon swiftly moved their hands to their own knees.
“It’s going to be okay.” Beelzebub offered in a much softer voice.
“I’m sorry,” Aziraphale managed through tears. “I didn’t mean to cause an argument.”
“There’zzz no need to apologize.” The demon was honestly confused by the apology more than anything, Aziraphale hadn’t really done anything. “The idiot had it coming.”
“But you seem upset about it.”
“I’m upset at him but I’ll get over it and he will too.” The demon moved their hands to rest in their lap. “If you think that was bad you should have seen the fight we had about Adam. Honestly as much as we go at it deep down we both know we don’t actually mean it. Arguing is like a weird way of showing how much we care, as strange as that sounds. That probably doesn't make much sense though.”
Aziraphale looked at the demon with a small smile.
“I think I know that feeling but I don’t know why.” He broke off into a sob. “When I think about it I feel like I’m missing a large part of myself.”
“Hey it’s okay.” Beelzebub comforted, awkwardly. They were trying their best but they were still a demon after all. “I’ll help you figure this out. I promise.”
The demon thought that it was a very weighty promise that would not be easy to fulfill. They also had a suspicion that it had something to do with their former boss. Between the letter and the snake it was obvious Crowley was involved in this somehow.
“You are too kind, dear.” The angel gave a genuine smile at the promise. “I really did not mean to cause such a fuss.”
“Don’t mention it. Like I said Gabe will come around eventually.”
The demon frowned looking at the staircase their angel had disappeared up. They were a little concerned that Gabriel wouldn’t actually come around to the Archangel, but they knew he would come around to helping them at least. Gabriel was never very good at staying mad at Beelzebub for very long. A smile flitted across the demon’s face at the thought. With a quick miracle the tea in front of them was warmed again and they offered the cup back to Aziraphale.
“In the meantime,” Beelzebub said, taking a cup for themself. “How about you and I work on figuring out what you do and don’t know.”