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It had been 11 painfully long days since Crowley had lost his connection to Abel, and with it his connection with Aziraphale, his closest friend of six thousand years and husband of the last 10. The sensation of losing contact with his snake was rather underwhelming, like a popping in his ears. This wasn’t the first time something had happened to one of his snakes, though this one did stand out. His snakes were immune to most physical harm, still they sometimes were discovered by not too pleased angels. They were just as weak to holy weapons as the demon himself was. When one of his snakes was discorporated Crowley would share a portion of the sensation; if they were cut by a holy blade the demon would feel the burning cut on his own skin, or if they were smote his whole body would throb. It was not something he could just ignore, but even worse than that was if any of his serpents were dosed with Holy Water. Crowley had gained a rather high tolerance for pain in Hell, but the burning agony that would coat his body would still cause the demon to cry out and crumple to the floor in pain. So the snake demon thought he had felt everything when it came to his serpents, until 11 days ago.
The last thing Crowley had heard Abel relay from Aziraphale was some rambling about the Second Coming plan that Heaven had. It was a common topic of late as his angel was strongly against the idea of wiping out humanity for, in his opinion, a silly war between Heaven and Hell.
Crowley had never brought up the conversations when they met up as it always seemed that Aziraphale did not want to talk about it. And, for Crowley to start the conversation himself he would have to bring up the fact that he could hear everything that Aziraphale said around the snake. It felt like an invasion of privacy, but it was the only way that Crowley could get a grasp of what was going on in his angel’s head, and after two thousand years it felt wrong to fill Aziraphale in on the extent he had been listening.
It had seemed a normal day, until his ears popped. Which then led to them ringing, rather annoying, and not something the demon had experienced since World War II. Along with the ringing came the growing feeling of an emptiness within his soul. It was different than when he lost one of his other snakes. He always felt the loss, but this one was a deep ache that did not fade. In reaction Crowley reached for the golden ring set with a blue stone wrapped in carefully etched wings that hung around his neck, his wedding band, and started to fiddle with it. The ring felt cold and the pit in Crowley’s stomach grew bigger and more painful. He knew something was wrong with his angel, and so he had set out for answers.
Which is where Crowley was now, on Earth, in front of the building they were sure their husband was inside. Emissary Lending Library, aka the library run by the jackass of an angel, Gabriel. This was technically the demon’s third visit to the library, although this was the second time they came with the intention of going inside. They were growing tired of the game that Gabriel and Beelzebub were trying to play, pretending they didn’t know anything about the missing Supreme Archangel. Crowley had been sure that they had felt Aziraphale’s presence in the library the last time they were there, but they had not seen him. They had felt rushed out of the library previously. So they were here, in the late evening of this Thursday, with the hopes that the owner would be out and they would be free to look around.
As they were expecting the sign on the door was flipped to closed and there were only a few lights on within. Crowley had checked up and down the streets for the sleek red 2019 Volkswagen Beetle that Beelzebub drove, its absence meant an even greater chance that the pair of nuisances would be out of the library. Everything seemed to be lining up in the demon's favor.
They found the door to the library locked, but that was hardly an issue, Crowley simply snapped and the lock was undone and the door swung itself open. As they entered the library they felt the uncomfortable holy warmth of the wards of the library pass over their being. It was rather annoying that this building was a Heavenly embassy, but, this too, was not an issue for the High Duke of Hell. They had worked out a deal with Aziraphale many centuries ago that granted both ‘ambassador’ status, so to speak, they could both enter Heaven or Hell without invitation by the other party. Crowley was pleased to discover that this held true for the library on their last visit.
The library was quiet and weirdly inviting, even to the demon who had just essentially broken in, and Crowley felt out of place. They resigned themself to searching the near endless shelves for any hint of their angel’s presence and started on their search working from the front of the library towards the back. Crowley was about half way through their search when they were startled by a sudden greeting.
“Hello, I’m sorry but we’re closed.”
The demon turned to see the source of the soft voice. Standing at the end of the row of shelves was a white haired man dressed in a light brown tartan vest, and lighter brown pants. He had an off-white dress shirt buttoned all the way up, though a large blue bowtie with tails was covering most of his neck. The man’s pale skin was dotted with freckles and a pair of rounded glasses were perched, somewhat precariously, on the bridge of his nose. Crowley got the impression that he knew this man, but he couldn't quite place him. Something about the man’s eyes drew the demon in, they were a very piercing light blue, though they were duller than the blue eyes he had been hoping to find in the library tonight. He must have been staring because the unknown man shifted his weight from foot to foot and cleared his throat before speaking again.
“Sir?”
“I know, you’re closed.” Crowley said in acknowledgement to the earlier statement but made no move to leave and instead went back to looking through the shelf before them.
“You’re really not supposed to be in here.” The man tried again.
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal any books. I’m just looking for…something.”
Crowley had hoped that that would be the end of the conversation and the man would leave them alone, of course it wasn’t.
“What?” The white haired stranger asked.
“Huh?” Crowley had already half forgotten the man once they turned back towards the shelf and wasn’t quite sure what he was asking.
“What are you looking for? If you don’t mind my asking.”
“Not exactly sure.” The demon half mumbled to themself.
“Ah, wait,” the man seemed to have moved closer to Crowley, or maybe they had moved along the shelf in their search, “I remember you.”
That pulled the demon's attention and so they snapped their gaze back onto the white haired man. As they did so they realized they were the one that had moved and were now standing more in the light. They quickly reached for the sunglasses in their jacket pocket and hurried to place them over their eyes, this was a human after all, they didn’t want to have to field questions about their eyes.
“You are Mr. Crowley.” the man concluded.
That confused the demon, how did this man know their name?
“I am… How did you know that?” Crowley asked with his eyebrows knit together high on his forehead.
“You were in the library the other day.”
Which was true, but how did this man know that? The only people who had been in the library at that time were themself, Gabriel, Beelzebub, and… Oh yeah, there had been someone else, but Crowley couldn’t remember what their name was or what they looked like. They had a job in the library, what was it? Right, Gabriel had hired a library assistant. With this knowledge Crowley ventured a guess.
“Ah, you’re the assistant librarian aren’t you. Mr…”
“Angelo,” the man supplied, “and yes, that’s correct.”
“Right, right...”
“Does your search have to do with finding your friend?”
“It…does…” they had forgotten how much this human would know about their investigation.
“Oh, sorry dear, am I overstepping? I’m told I have a terrible habit of doing that.” Mr. Angelo had started fidgeting with his hands as he spoke.
“It’s fine.” Crowley offered.
“Ah, good.” The man somewhat settled his hands.
With that Crowley decided to go back to their searching and brushed past Mr. Angelo to get to the next row of shelves. This attempt at investigation was half-hearted and a bit distracted by the feeling of being watched. Annoyed for a variety of reasons at this point, Crowley sighed and half turned back to the human whose eyes were fixed on him.
“Whaattt?” they asked, annoyance making itself known in his tone.
“Sorry,” Mr. Angelo averted his eyes now that Crowley was looking back at him, but pressed on with the question he clearly wanted to ask, “it’s just, since I work in this library. I know where just about anything is. If you’re looking for something in particular, Mr. Crowley, I should be able to help. That is to say, I could help to point you in the right direction, I think.”
“Huh?” Crowley had been giving their full attention to the man his time, but what he was saying was still hard to follow.
“Would you like some assistance, dear?” The man clarified.
“Ah.” The demon paused, mulling the question over in their head. They doubted the human could help them find anything, but they were starting to doubt that they would find anything themself. There was something that this human could probably help with though, so Crowley ventured to ask, “If you could answer some questions I have, that would be a help.”
“Of course,” Mr. Angelo lit up as he replied. The look was familiar and yet wrong on this man’s face, it caused the pit in Crowley’s stomach to ache. “Ask me anything. I can’t guarantee I can give you an answer, but I will try my best.”
The man had started to fidget with his hands again, but it had a different energy than before. Crowley was not used to dealing with this level of enthusiasm and so when the human grabbed his jacket sleeve, he yanked it back, overwhelmed by the man’s energy.
“Oh, I am so sorry,” Mr. Angelo apologized and shrank in on himself before explaining himself, “I just thought that it would be more comfortable if we went to the sitting area to talk. I overstepped again, I apologize dear.”
“N-no,” the demon was surprised by how shaky their voice came out, “you’re fine, just, wasn’t expecting that is all… Sitting would be nice.”
Crowley extended their hand towards the man, palm down, showing that they were allowing the man to take it and lead them. Mr. Angelo hesitated at first, but when Crowley quirked an eyebrow at him he took the invitation. Though, unlike before, the man grabbed them by the hand rather than the sleeve. They had to fight down the reflex to pull their hand away again. But once they got over the initial thought, Crowley found that their hand fit rather nicely in Mr. Angelo’s.
When they got to the circle of furniture near the back of the library Crowley was led over to the couch they had sat on last time they were here. Mr. Angelo remained standing and asked, “Would you like some tea, dear?”
The question gave them a weird sense of deja vu. They brushed it off and answered.
“I’m more of a coffee person.”
In truth, Crowley wasn’t really an anything person. They didn’t need to consume food or drink, and so they often didn’t. They had only ever had anything to drink with their angel. Allowing themself to dwell on the memories had brought tears to the corner of their eyes. Mr. Angelo had fortunately gone off to prepare the drinks which gave Crowley time to collect themself.
They shifted their train of thought to what they would ask the human. They weren’t sure what he would know, or how he would refer to things differently. Crowley settled on a safe first few questions just as Mr. Angelo reentered the room carrying a tray with two mugs on it. He set the tray down on a central table and then handed Crowley a rather boring white cup with a single red stripe near the lip that did appear to hold coffee. The man took his own mug, the same boring looking mostly white, but his had a blue stripe, and sat in an armchair next to the couch.
“I didn’t know how you took yours.” He gestured towards the tray on the table. It had a bowl of sugar on it. “I’ve seen Mr. Gabriel put sugar in his, so I brought that.”
“Black, usually,” When the man looked confused they rephrased, “Like this is fine.”
To further make their point Crowley took a sip of the coffee. They had never really been one to focus on the flavor of anything, although it was what Aziraphale had enjoyed most, this was a flavor he could not ignore. The coffee was down right terrible. It was bitter, like the human had managed to burn the coffee in the short time he was gone, and there seemed to be a lot of loose grounds in the drink. They managed to swallow the sip they had taken and then set the mug down on the side table next to them.
Mr. Angelo was looking at him with an expectant smile on his face, so they pushed a smile onto their lips and gave a small nod of approval. That seemed to satisfy the man and he took a sip of his own drink before speaking.
“I like how it makes you warm on the inside and the outside.” Crowley again gave a small nod and Mr. Angelo continued, “So Mr. Crowley, what kind of questions did you have?”
At that question, Crowley reworked the list in their mind to add a new one.
“Could you not call me Mr. Crowley? It’s too formal.” The demon relaxed into the couch as they continued, “Tell you what, drop the mister, just call me Crowley and I’ll do the same for you.”
“But my name is Angelo?” The man seemed genuinely confused.
“I didn’t mean I’d call you Crowley. I meant I’d just call you Angelo instead of Mr. Angelo.”
“Oh, ho ho,” Angelo gave a small laugh as he realized his mistake, “right, of course dear. I will just call you Crowley, if that’s what you would prefer.”
With that sorted Crowley moved on to his first question for the man.
“How many people stay in this library?”
“Well, there is Mr. Gabriel who of course owns the library, and his very nice partner, Bee. Other than them, just myself, and Abel, as well.”
“Abel?” The name was familiar to Crowley. Wasn’t that a name Aziraphale had given to one of his snakes? They were having a hard time placing the memory.
“My pet snake, dear. You met him the last time you were here. He is sleeping over by the fire right now.” Angelo gestured towards the fireplace, and sure enough, curled up on the bricks was a snake. A black and red snake that bore a shocking resemblance to the demon's own snakes. But the human had said it was his pet, so it couldn’t be his.
Their head felt fuzzy and they tried to remember the answer to the question they had been given. Right, only three people were staying in this library, as far as the human knew. He wasn’t lying, so maybe it was simply that Aziraphale wasn’t staying here. There was still a chance he could still help, so Crowley asked a new question.
“Do you pay attention to the people who visit the library?”
“Oh, yes, dear.”
“Could you tell me if you’ve seen someone if I described them?”
“I’ve learned most of the regulars, and I can even remember some one offs like you, Crowley, so I believe so.”
The demon knew it was too soon to hope, but a warmth had started to fill their chest at that statement. This was the best shot they had to find their husband. They started to fidget with the ring around their neck as they began their description.
“Well, this would be a…man, of slightly above average height. He’s got a softer build, if you get what I mean, but it really just suits him. He carries himself with this…prim posture, not like most people today.” Crowley felt something drip onto their hand, they realized they must have been crying, but they pressed on with their detail, “He has white hair, as pure as the clouds on a beautiful sunny day, kinda like yours. Delicate, fair, skin to match, but it’s freckled with all these imperfections. Especially on his face, it’s like there’s a galaxy dancing across it. Another thing you almost have in common… His eyes are like yours as well, but a much brighter blue. His eyes have so much behind them, and when you can put a light in them with a joke or brighten them when he is feeling sad… words can’t describe the feeling.”
As they had been describing their beloved, they couldn’t help but focus on the features of the human across from them. They hadn’t noticed all of the similarities before, but now that they were really looking they could almost believe the being in front of them was their angel.
Suddenly, a sharp pain shot through their head. Any thoughts they had were lost as Crowley doubled over, gripping their head in pain and giving in to the sobs that had been threatening at the back of their throat as they spoke. It seemed that the pain of the last 11 days was catching up with them, just as it had the last time they were in this library. They tried to take deep breaths to pull themself together, but they were failing on all fronts.
Crowley barely noticed the couch depressing next to them, and they were only slightly more aware of the hand rubbing small circles into their back. Comforting words sounded miles away and hardly reached the demon’s ears. After a long moment Crowley felt the presence next to them leave, their breathing increased involuntarily and they curled tighter in on themself. Then, they felt something strong and cool wrap firmly around their chest. Crowley didn’t know what it was, but it felt nice. The returning of the weight next to him on the couch and the small circles on his back was also very welcomed.
The circles were paused and Crowley felt a weight in their stomach, until a hesitant hand moved to their shoulder. After a beat of the hand just resting there, it gently coaxed Crowley towards its owner. They did not put up any resistance and came to lay on the person beside them. They were soft, and it felt right to curl into them. They finally got their breathing to listen to them, and they took a deep breath at last, breathing in the scent of the person they were laying on. They mostly smelled like the library, musky books and an artificial scent of lavender, but under that was a comfortingly familiar smell; one that Crowley had known for six thousand years, it was a scent of upper atmosphere with an oddly sweet edge to it, it was a smell that belonged to only one being, Aziraphale.
Crowley dared to hope, and looked up towards what they hoped to be an all too familiar face. Their eyes were blurry from tears and as they looked up in the warm lighting their heart leapt. It was him.
“A-an-angel?”
“It’s Angelo, dear.” replied the soft familiar voice.
That wasn’t his angel’s name though, it was Aziraphale, not Angelo. Crowley blinked the tears from their eyes and pushed themself up. They looked again at the once familiar face and were greeted by another stabbing pain in their head. They looked away from the figure next to them and the pain dissipated.
Crowley changed his attention to the pressure around his chest, the man next to him had removed his hand after the demon had sat up, but the cool presence remained. They saw a length of black and red that seemed to be pulsing with no obvious beginning or end. He struggled to figure out what was wrapped around him, until he found the head of the being poking up to greet him. It was a snake, it looked like one of theirs, but something in their mind told them that this one didn’t belong to them. Right, this must have been the assistant librarian's pet snake, he had brought it over to comfort Crowley. After they gave a pat to acknowledge the serpent it started to move from their torso over to the shoulders of the awaiting man. Once it had settled, the human gave their pet a few scratches under its chin and some words of gratitude before it relaxed its head onto its coiled body to sleep again.
The man returned his attention to Crowley and spoke with words that felt like an embrace, “You love your friend, don’t you, Crowley?”
A simple question, so Crowley gave a simple answer, “Yes.”
“Then, I am sorry to have to inform you. I have not seen any man, matching the description you gave, enter the library.” Angelo dropped his gaze as he delivered this news.
Crowley’s heart followed his eyes to the floor. The last remaining hope the demon had held that today would have uncovered anything vanished. If they didn’t feel like they had already cried all of their tears, they probably would have started to cry again. They felt that the gapping hole in their being was the biggest it had ever been, leaving the demon feeling empty. They responded to Angelo with a voice that sounded as hollow as they felt,
“It’s not your fault.”
The man clenched his hands into a tight fist in front of him, and Crowley noticed the serpent around his neck reach its head up to brush against the man’s face. He took a deep breath and then snapped his gaze back to the demon.
“I’ll keep an eye out for you though.” His voice was determined and it brought a small half smile to Crowley’s face, although it did not reach his eyes.
“It’s a nice thought, Angelo, but it won’t make a difference.”
“You can’t lose hope Crowley.” Angelo gave a glance down to the demon’s hand, swallowed, and took the hand in both of his before continuing, “I’m sure your friend is missing you just as much, and they wouldn’t want to see you like this.”
“That’s the problem!” Crowley snapped. They hadn’t meant to, but it seemed they didn’t have full control over their emotions. “He can’t see me right now!”
Angelo flinched at the words, and screwed his eyes shut. He did not let go of the demon’s hand though, instead he tightened his grip. The man rubbed his thumbs over Crowley’s knuckles in a motion that seemed to be just as soothing for him as it was for them. Crowley cursed themself internally for yelling at the innocent man who had been nothing but kind to him, and then he did something he rarely did, he apologized.
“Hey, I-I’m s-s-sssorry…” The pain the words brought to their throat were barely noticeable over the static that was their current emotional state. “I’m not mad at you, I shouldn’t’ve yelled.”
“You don’t have to apologize, dear. I spoke without thinking.” Angelo was trying to shift the blame on himself, an action Crowley had only ever seen one other person do in situations like this.
“Don’t do that, you were trying to make me feel better. I’m the one who yelled at you for what were honestly some sweet words…”
Angelo gave Crowley’s hand a light squeeze and he smiled up at the demon.
“Thank you, Crowley. I really do wish there was more I could do to help you in locating your friend.”
“I do too…”
There was a silence between the two and Angelo resumed running his thumbs over Crowley’s knuckles. Crowley was not one for contact usually, but they found that they didn’t mind when this human made such light contact. The touch was rather familiar, but whenever they tried to place the sensation their head went fuzzy again, so they just enjoyed the moment. The demon knew it couldn’t last though, and chose to break the silence, though they did not move their hand from the man’s grip.
“I’m going to find him, eventually…”
“I am sure you will. Jane Austin has taught me that you can find someone you love by following your heart.” Angelo added a satisfied smile to his encouragement.
Crowley couldn’t help but laugh, “I’ll keep that in mind.”
After another moment Crowley finally moved to stand, slipping their hand from Angelo’s grasp. It felt cold at the loss of contact, so they shoved it along with their other hand into their pockets. They rocked a bit on their feet before starting their goodbye.
“I’m sure I’ll be back. I have this feeling that all of the answers I’m looking for are here…I just haven’t found them yet.”
“I suppose I will see you then, Crowley.” The man had laced his hands together and was fiddling with his thumbs. “I’ll keep an eye out, like I said. I’ll let you know if I see anyone even close to the description you gave.”
“Appreciate it.”
Crowley took a hesitant step towards the front of the library. They did not want this moment to end, it was the most whole they had felt since this ordeal started. They got the impression from the quick glances that Angelo kept giving him, that he also didn’t want the demon to leave. There was one thing that drove them towards the door however, Gabriel. The last thing Crowley wanted was for the library’s owner to return, they despised talking to the angel, and it had been worse since he was currently withholding information from them. They figured they would rather end this moment with the oddly comforting assistant librarian on their terms than have the memory forever tainted by the angel’s intrusion. So with one last held gaze with Angelo, Crowley took their leave.
“See ya, Angelo.” they called over their shoulder while giving a wave.
“Ah, yes. Soon I hope. Goodbye Crowley, take care.” The man called after him.
And with that Crowley walked out the door, locking it behind themself, and warped themself back to their office as soon as they were able. They should be angry, upset, they had gained no new knowledge in their search for their husband. Instead though, they found themself looking forward to their next visit to the library. Their mind racing with the possible conversations they would have with the assistant librarian who was just ever so familiar…