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Hanging out with Chan was something Seungcheol enjoyed. Their busy lives left very little time to properly hang out, but they made it work. It was an afternoon they both managed to have free. Chan had went the extra mile to pick Seungcheol up, something that made him happy and loved.
"Hey, hyung!" He greeted. "Long day?"
Seungcheol shrugged. It had been a long day of rude people and tiring work, but he was sure Chan had even longer day. Chan was always busy and a lot of things weighed on him. He took on so many responsibilities that Seungcheol wasn't sure how did any of it and still had a smile on his face. The last thing Seungcheol wanted to do was dump onto him. Besides, he was finally seeing Chan. He didn't want to ruin it.
"No more than usual." He replied. "You doing okay?"
Chan nodded, going into detail about his recent work. Seungcheol quietly listened, enjoying hearing Chan talk. He had been so into the other's words that he wasn't paying attention. He would have walked directly into a pole if it hadn't been for Chan lightly grabbing his arm and tugging him back.
"Be careful. Here, hold my hand."
Seungcheol was briefly embarrassed by the thought, but the fuzzy feeling was taking over and he grabbed Chan's hand without a second thought. Their hands lightly swung back and forth between them, sending a thrill through Seungcheol. It was so fun! Seungcheol shook his head inwardly. No. He and Chan often held hands. Them and their friends were very tactile people, but were still mature adults. Seungcheol could function. He could certainly walk on his own.
"Hyung, are you listening?" Chan asked suddenly.
Hyung. Right. He was Chan's hyung. He was older. He was the provider, the protector, the one to lean on. He couldn't let the silly fuzzy feeling take over.
"Sorry, I was lost in thought." He admitted.
He expected the other to be a bit hurt, maybe even annoyed, but to his surprise, Chan smiled, squeezing his hand, swinging their arms once more.
"You're so cute, Cheollie. I want to squish your cheeks."
Uh oh. The fuzzy feeling continued to grow as Seungcheol giggled, actually giggled.
Something shifted in Chan's expression, something softer and warmer, but he didn't say anything, leading Seungcheol to a cafe. "We can finally try this place."
Seungcheol perked up a bit. He had seen this place online often and always wanted to try it. They had pretty drinks and yummy looking desserts. He had sent it to Chan, telling him they should try it. It seemed he remembered. Seeing how excited he was, Chan smiled, gently leading him inside. As they waited in line, they looked over the menu. Chan leaned in closer, so only Seungcheol could hear him.
"Know what you want, Cheollie?"
He was dropping the honorifics and Seungcheol didn't care. He was truly falling and fast. However, in front of pretty cakes and drinks, Seungcheol didn't have half the mind to care.
"Cherry tart?" He asked, almost as if asking for permission.
Chan's face lit up. "That sounds yummy. Good choice!"
Seungcheol gleamed under the small praise.
"What about a drink?"
Seungcheol's eyes scanned the menu trying to find a drink that appealed to him. He pointed to one and Chan followed his finger. His lips pushed out a bit, almost like a sympathy pout.
"Oh, that's coffee. Maybe we should pick something else today…something more…friendly?"
Seungcheol's eyes widened. He knew. He knew and he wasn't upset. He wanted to cry out of gratitude, but even with a clouded mind, he was aware he couldn't cry in the middle of the cafe. Instead, he nodded along to what Chan was saying, scanning the menu once more.
"Chocolate?"
"The chocolate milkshake?"
"Yes, please."
This time, Chan did pinch his cheek. "You're so cute. Let's get it."
Seungcheol stood quietly next to Chan as the other ordered, letting himself be lead to a table. Chan took out his phone, handing it to Seungcheol, who blinked up at him in confusion.
"Do you want to play a game while we wait?"
Seungcheol thought about it for a small second before shyly nodding his head. "Yes please."
"My Cheollie is so polite."
Seungcheol blushed, taking the phone, playing a game he was familiar with. He had been so into it, kicking his feet and humming, that he hadn't noticed when Chan returned with their order. When he saw the cherry tart and chocolate milkshake in front of him, he let out a small gasp. He gently handed Chan's phone back to him, wanting to eat. When he had trouble getting a proper bite of the cherry tart, Chan was quick to help, practically feeding him. Seungcheol was too deep to catch any of what he was saying until it was too late.
"Thank you, Hyung!"
Chan momentarily froze, but recovered quickly, wiping the corner of the other's mouth. "You're welcome, Cheol-ah. Is it good?"
"Mhm!"
They left the cafe in bright spirits, Chan walking him home. Seungcheol had somewhat snapped out of it, growing more and more self conscious the closer they got to his place. Once in his neighborhood, he slipped his hand out of Chan's not able to meet his eye.
"Uhm, thank you for today. I'll pay you back." He muttered.
"Cheol, you don't have to do that. Do you want to talk-"
Seungcheol cut him off. "I need to get inside. I'll text you later."
With that, he rushed inside, leaving Chan outside to wonder what just happened.
Seungcheol avoided Chan for the next few days, embarrassed by his behavior that afternoon. How could he look his friend in the eye after that? However, he couldn't avoid Chan for long, nor could he be away from him. By the fourth day, Chan had practically cornered him at his own house.
"Can we please talk?" He pleaded.
Seungcheol sighed, but nodded, no longer fighting. He knew Chan was right. They did need to talk. However, his eyes stayed perpendicular to the floor, still not able to look him in the eye. Chan seemed to understand, deciding to start the conversation.
"Seungcheol, you regressed that afternoon, didn't you?"
Knowing there was no point in lying, Seungcheol nodded.
"Do you regress often?"
Seungcheol shrugged. "Just sometimes. Mainly after a rough day or when I need to sleep. My therapist suggested it."
"Why did you suddenly regress that day? It seemed like it happened all of a sudden."
There was no judgment or accusation. Just curiosity. Seungcheol felt like he could cry.
"You were just…so gentle and taking care of me. When I'm with you, it's like my mind can just…turn off. I couldn't help it."
He dared to meet his friend's eyes for the first time since the conversation had started. He was surprised to find tears brimming his eyes. "I'm happy and honored you feel so safe and comfortable with me. You don't have to hide or force yourself to be one way or another. It's okay."
Seungcheol gulped. He had held his regression close to him. It was his, his coping mechanism to heal his past trauma, a way to forget how difficult things could be. He knew there was nothing wrong with it, but he still struggled letting others in. However, here was Chan, accepting him as he was. He could have sobbed on the spot.
"Thank you." He whispered.
"I'm here anytime you need your mind to turn off. I'll help. Sometimes I can be hyung."
Seungcheol hugged his friend then, unable to control his emotions. "You're the best Chan-ah. I'll keep that in mind."
He sniffed, pulling away a second later. "Want to go back to the cafe? My treat."
Chan's smile was so full of warmth it nearly burned to just look at. "Sure, hyung. You can have that coffee this time."
Seungcheol fondly rolled his eyes but the smile remained on his face.