Archive of Our Own

Eddie has had arguably the most difficult year of his life. Every bit of good, injected with bittersweet sorrow. Losing both Bobby and Abuela within such a short span had been an impossibility. The woman who had by many rights raised him, and allowed him to grow in all the ways his parents hadn't, the one he could turn to when he had no one else. And Bobby: a father figure, a mentor, and an explicit hope for the future.

He grapples with their loss daily, occasionally catching himself before sending off a text to Bobby or calling Abuela for parenting advice. He finds more often than not, it’s easy to conjure their inevitable responses, almost like a reflex. Usually words he’s never ready to hear for himself. But after years of advice and guidance, they’re both woven into him, two fragments of a whole. He’s teaching himself how to listen, and sometimes it’s like they’re reaching past the veil, like two souls guiding him along. Although Eddie has never believed in ghosts, it’s still a comforting thought, the pair of them following him around like guardian angels.

Still, nothing seems to ease the ache of loss that lingers on, all these months later.

He’s not the only one struggling—Hen was learning to live a new normal with many ups and downs after her diagnoses. Chimney is struggling with adjusting to captaincy in the wake of Bobby’s death. And there was Buck, who has looked for Bobby in every crevice, emergency, and cream of tarter bottle within arms reach.

There are good things too, at least.

Regaining the certainty that his son, in fact, wanted him in his life. Needed Eddie to be his parent even. Learning to more evenly balance his and his sons needs is a difficult, but worthwhile and meaningful pursuit.

After returning to LA—home—he'd started and completed paramedic training, and although he would never like the why of their need to fill the position, he wouldn't complain about the pay bump. And although he loves working with Hen, and as easy as their partnership is, he misses having Buck at his side, an extension of himself.

There were other good things too, the Wilson’s had officially adopted Mara, Baby Nash had been born—Eddie's family had grown, even amidst profound loss. May had moved closer to home, Harry completed his training at the academy and even became the stations probie, and yeah, it had been rocky at the beginning.

The entire fire family was settling into their new normal. It's been messy and hard, wonderful, and awful—all in their own rights.

So maybe that's why, when pieces finally begin to slide into place for Eddie, he doesn't know how to talk about it…or who necessarily, even to talk to. It wasn't exactly a secret that Eddie had always gone to Bobby for advice when working through the complexities of relationships.

Hen's focus at the time needed to be on herself and her family, it didn't feel right to bother her with something so trivial when she had so much going on. And Chimney couldn't keep a secret for the life of him, so Eddie wouldn't even try to ask him to. Not with this.

So, within the last months, he's found himself working through a series of feelings he still isn't sure he quite understands the scope or shape of. On the other hand, they're too big and scary for him to hold on to—to lean in, to let himself feel. When has letting himself feel ever done him anything good? Frank, as awful as a therapist as he'd been, would rightfully chastise him for this train of thought.

But now he can, with certainty, put a name to that lifelong ache in his chest, he's not sure he can play dumb any longer. It was easier, before Eddie knew better. And occasionally he wishes he could return to the bliss of his former ignorance. It might make his life easier—less complicated.

It had started like this: it was his own innocuous comment—"Something about two perfect weirdos, finding each other is inspiring." Although whatever those two had going on wasn't necessarily for him, he thought, in a way, it was nice. It's an afterthought really, when he absentmindedly ponders that in a way, Buck is the other half of his own perfect weirdo.

The thought hadn't had much time to percolate, buried under the weight of conversation he very much wanted to run away from, for reasons he didn't entirely understand and wouldn't—at least not for another 6 or so hours.

It was relatively common for him and Buck to occasionally poke fun at one anothers rather abysmal love lives, although, maybe less so after the whole Kim situation. He'd sort of decided maybe until Chris was out of high school, he'd put a pin in 'dating'. He didn't need a partner to be fulfilled, he had Buck—he had the team. Chris wasn't necessarily an excuse, not exactly, not when you had a track record quite as bad as his. Things just never worked out, even when they were picture perfect, like with Ana.

So he takes Buck and Ravi's teasing in stride, finally agreeing with a great amount of exasperation to a night out. All afternoon though, while waiting to meet back up with Ravi while he and Buck are getting ready, Buck’s words continue rattling around his brain. "You haven't looked at a woman in a year." Each time they completed their spin cycle, they repeated again and again. And each time, he had to clamp down on what felt like a swell of nausea.

And as much as he'd normally look forward to a night out with Buck, tonight, his heart isn't in it.

Largely contributed to by the fact Dumb and Dumber—Ravi and Buck, are insisting on being his wingmen for the night out. He can not express how little he cares about 'getting laid', he usually humors his friends anyway, amused by their endeavors to an extent. Tonight though, the ice grows thin, fast.

He's only just settled the hum in his chest, which has been present since they left work when they find a table. He's more comfortable now, with a beer in hand. It's something to help quell the awkwardness. But the feeling of comfort left the moment Buck and Ravi begin pointing out various women around them. And sure they're all beautiful and attractive in their own right. It's just, tonight Eddie can't even feign interest that he finds any of this alluring.

He'd much rather spend the night goofing off with Buck, playing pool or darts at a karaoke bar. Anything but whatever this seemed to be. And like, yeah, Eddie had gone in knowing what to expect. The unexpected was the awkwardness that sat on his chest like an anvil, the discomfort that grew like a weed in his stomach.

He laughed when Ravi makes a joke about Buck's ex, simply to displace the hum of anxiety in his chest, even if he finds it less than funny. He shrugs off one suggestion after the other. And quietly prays he can beg off with some sort of excuse—maybe he could text Chris to fake a stomach bug. Although it felt a little pathetic, but it would get him out of this—he could go home, and Buck would probably be worried enough to follow.

He pretends the idea doesn't thrill him a little.

"How can you be so bad at this," Ravi had asked, and Eddie had felt a swell of defensiveness. But instead of replying with something sharp, he communicates the stupidity of that comment with his eyes. Something in Ravi's expression changes, like he's fundamentally understanding something on Eddie's face that Eddie doesn't understand himself. Eddie fights the urge to wipe it away, he feels strangely transparent, but doesn't know why, so he looks away. Pretending to scan the crowd while the tight feeling in his chest grows and grows.

He'd felt a rush of desperate helplessness when Buck promises to 'seed the ground' with a woman who'd allegedly glanced in his direction. Ravi says something about 'letting his wingman fly' but swears Ravi's watching him closely, like looking for some sort of specific reaction. Eddie wishes he could shrug out of the feeling.

He casts another look at Buck who is leaned in close to the woman he was 'seeding the ground' with, he's taken off-guard when a hot white pang lances through his stomach. The pressure of the anvil has returned, compressing his lungs. His mouth is on autopilot, like his brain was protecting himself from his own words, "Annndd he's getting her number."

"Traitor!" Ravi had said in absolute disbelief. And when Buck admits the woman had been looking at him, Eddie feels a mix of relief and…something unnameable. It tastes like sour milk.

Eddie tries not to sound too annoyed when suggesting that Buck go talk to her. He doesn't even know why he's pissed off. He also doesn’t know why he’s suggesting Buck go talk to her. Maybe he was just a glutton for punishment. It's not until Buck leaves for the men's room a minute later, that Eddie finally can seem to breathe again. That feeling of pressure to perform he'd felt last year when he'd been dating Marisol is back, although he isn't sure right now who he's even performing for.

But once Buck's been gone for longer than 15 minutes, he finds himself craning his neck in search of his best friend. That anxiety from earlier has returned, growing with each passing minute. When Ravi awkwardly clears his throat, he glances over in surprise, obviously aiming for Eddie's attention. Honestly, he'd practically forgotten Ravi was there at all.

"So, you think he ditched us, or?" Ravi kind of jokes.

Eddie stares at him, and he knows he's been silent a few beats too long, but he can barely help himself, he turns to glance in the direction the woman Buck had been talking to earlier was dancing. He relaxes a fraction when he spots her easily, standing at the bar—alone. And just like that, he realizes he's been caught, Ravi tracking his gaze and raising his eyebrows in unconscious surprise. Eddie feels like he's been caught doing something wrong, without knowing why. Shame heats his cheeks and crawls up his neck.

"Buck would at least text," Eddie says, to fill the silence, although he's not entirely sure that's the truth. Buck wasn't beholden to them after all, not tonight at least.

"Hm," Ravi responds both parts disbelieving and noncommittal. "So like, Buck…"

Eddie stares at Ravi, wondering if he's zoned out for part of a conversation. "What?"

Ravi sighs and shakes his head. "Nevermind."

Eddie frowns deeply, "No, wait, what—"

"I just thought that earlier, I was picking up some…vibes."

Eddie wets his lips, deflating a little, "Is it that obvious that I don't want to be here?"

Ravi opens and closes his mouth, and Eddie isn't sure why but he suddenly feels like they're having two very different conversations, and that Eddie is a little out of his depth for where he's currently desperately treading water.

Eddie is overwhelmingly relieved when Buck returns just then, holding three beers. When Ravi summarily thanked Buck, he admits someone named Zane had bought their drinks. And Eddie felt the pang in his stomach all over again, eyes traveling to the man in question who waved happily back.

Eddie digs his nails into the palm of his hand in attempt to temper the flood of annoyance all over again. "So, are we done with this whole ridiculous wingman thing or can we do tequila shots now? I'm buying."

Ravi looks at him again, as if he's still a puzzle that needs to be solved. Eddie didn't wait, turning on his heel, and leading the way to the bar. Running away from the cusp of…something. Chasing away the knowing look in Ravi's eyes. Ravi seems clued in on whatever is happening within Eddie right now—whatever it was. He drowns the feeling, the pang in his stomach, the tightness in his chest; he soaks it all, thoroughly, in tequila.

That truth he's been so surreptitiously hiding from though, it comes out to meet him in a high speed collision course 7 shots deep, when the world has already gone blurry around the edges with the combined blend of alcohols. Buck drags them to the dance floor and Eddie lets himself loose for the first time all night. He closes his eyes and lets the pulsing bass move through him. Whenever his eyes flutter open, he finds himself transfixed by the giant dopey man in front of him, with next to no rhythm. He's so endeared, he's so fucking endeared he feels like he could burst.

Buck looks so soft, his grin is huge, and Eddie's stomach is aching again, but in a sort of nostalgic way or like he's eaten too many sweets. Like cute aggression or whatever Buck had called it during a tangent about cute animals. Eddie has the sudden urge to reach out and run his hand through Buck's curls. He's so warm and fuzzy, and he looks pretty, with the pink and blue and purple hues of night club lights reflecting off his cheekbones and sharp line of his jaw.

Eddie finds himself needing to be the center of Buck's attention; anytime it strays, he recaptures it by leaning in to say something, bumping his shoulder, or simply hovering. He can barely stand for anyone else to look at him. Ravi who'd only done one shot is looking at him again with that expression on his face, and at least now, Eddie is too drunk to care.

It's a hell of a time for Buck's words to come back to him. "You haven't look at a woman in a year." And as he gazes up at Buck, enamored and fascinated, he wonders for the first time if he's ever really looked at a woman before at all. That well of desire that always seemed just out of reach—and oh. Oh.

His chest aches again, welling up with a deep emotion he can no longer press down. It's clicking into place now, those pangs in his stomach earlier—want maybe. Something like envy but maybe not in the traditional sense. His throat is starting to constrict, and he says something too loudly about the bathroom and stumbles away. When he sees how long the line is, he makes a beeline for the front door. Yearning. He thinks that feeling from before is yearning.

He stumbles out into the LA night, it's cooler than expected and the chilly temperature is nice against his lungs. The weight on his chest loosens, just a little. He stumbles down the sidewalk and sits on the steps of a closed Lululemon. He shuts his eyes and does his box breathing exercise.

The revelation that not only is he gay, but very in love with his best friend, would probably be something better handled sober—but Eddie's life has never worked on convenience. So, of course, it's happening to him 3 beers, 2 jello shots, and 5 tequila shots deep.

It's a scary thing, to finally understand that ache that's lived within him when he spends time around or thinks about Buck—it's existed so long he can't remember when it first appeared. And maybe it's been there since the beginning, since that day when Buck went out of his way to introduce Eddie to Carla. And since then, Buck had given and given and given without ever expecting a single thing in return. And for years, that ache had grown and bloomed—and now he was here. Here, realizing that Buck has been, and always will be the beacon of all his hopes, wants, and desires. The one thing Eddie certainly can't have—or at the very least, shouldn't want?

He doesn't realize he's crying until a familiar voice says, whoa, with an incredible amount of alarm. Eddie looks up from under his tear laden eyelashes and spots Ravi only a few feet away. "I-i was just coming to check on you. You ran out of there pretty quick. Thought you might be getting sick."

Eddie just stares at him, and instead of answering, he feels his face crumple and he drunkenly explains, "I'm so stupid."

Ravi, probably much too sober for this, stands there and stares at him as if stricken dumb, panic etched into his features. "Hey, n-no, Eddie. It's okay, it's really, really, okay."

"I'm 33, Ravi."

"Everyone figures things out at different times. Just look at Buck!"

"That's the whole problem," Eddie sobs into his hands, voice cracking on the word problem.

"Hm, yeah should have thought that one through." Ravi says more to himself than to Eddie.

"He's so hot," Eddie says through another sob. He looks up through his tears again, extremely annoyed when he hears Ravi laughing.

"Hey, sorry, sorry." Ravi apologizes, lifting his hands in surrender. "But, come on, I know its not funny. But you have to admit, it's objectively, a little funny."

Eddie's not sure, but maybe that's enough of a reality check to knock him back to his senses. And finally, for what feels like the first time in hours, Eddie can well and truly breathe. Because, yeah, it is kind of funny that he’s actively crying over the fact Buck that is hot. Or that he finds Buck hot. He's not sure. Maybe both.

So yeah, Eddie can't talk to Ravi about this thing either—because talking about it will mean discussing Eddie's big embarrassing blubber-fest on the steps of a Lululemon.

On their next shift, Eddie decided it would be better for everyone (really just him) if he pretended to have blacked-out after partaking in the jello shots he and Buck had consumed during an extended remix of Lady Gaga's Abracadabra.

When Ravi tried to gently probe, Eddie 'admitted' to blacking out and remember nothing after the second jello shot up until the very moment he was climbing out of his Uber and into his bed. This had led to weeks of worried glances from Ravi, who now holds a secret he believes Eddie to have forgotten entirely.

At least Eddie isn't the only one suffering.

And that is what Eddie is doing, constantly.

He suffers when Buck lifts weights in the gym. He suffers when Buck benches his body weight in the gym. He suffers when Buck is Extra Competent on the job. He suffers when Buck is telling Chimney about how the Pope can't be an organ donor. He suffers when Buck and Baby Nash fall asleep on Maddie's couch, looking extra soft and cozy. He suffers when Chris grudgingly laughs at one of Buck's dad jokes. He suffers when Buck wears an apron. Eddie suffers when he dozes off on the couch mid-afternoon and Buck settles a blanket over him, like it's the most casual thing in the world. And maybe it was—but the tenderness threatens to break him.

So Eddie suffers.

How is he supposed to contain his love, when it's already bursting at the seams. Now the feeling has a name, the vastness of it grows and stretches, damn near unbearably so.

So yeah, that's where Eddie's at when Buck comes barging into the hospital after Abigail's father attacked him. Hopelessly and endlessly in love with Buck. Stupidly so, really.

He's had time, he's warmed to the idea, has found peace in the secrecy of it, even. Loving him has always been one of the easiest things Eddie did, even early on—before it had a name, or transformed into something so serious.

He registers Buck's worried face before he truly registers his voice. "How'd you know I was here?" Eddie asks in a mix of awe and confusion.

"Athena told Harry, Harry told me," Buck explain breathlessly, lines of his body tense. "Hi, 'Thena." Buck says, almost as an afterthought, eyes never leaving Eddie, giving him a once over for damage. "Let me see."

Eddie obliges. Woefully, of course.

Out of the corner of his vision, he watches Athena's eyebrow rise in amused disbelief. And yeah, Eddie knows he's playing it up a little. But in his defense, it does hurt! And a little fussing from Buck was like being a cat and getting your head and cheeks scratched. Who could blame him if he leaned into it?

"Oof. Yeah, that's gonna be a shiner." Buck observes, grimacing sympathetically, but smiling all the same, tension flooding out of his muscles now that he knows Eddie's going to be fine. "But—" Eddie looking away, for dramatics sake while silently wondering where the hell the beginning of that sentence was going.

He's about to prompt Buck, but he doesn't have to wait.

"We can play that as sexy."

Eddie accidentally bites his tongue in surprise, the metallic taste of copper flooding his mouth. Eddie feels the blush start at his chest and reach the tips of his ears in a matter of seconds. Athena coughs politely looking away, clearly hiding a laugh which Buck is too distracted to notice. He feels himself splutter.

"The fucking auction?" Eddie manages to say out loud.

"Damn idiots," Athena says, albeit affectionately, before walking away and very evilly leaving him in Buck's merciless-fiendish-bachelor-marketing-clutches.

"Come on, let's get you out of here. We should try to get you cleaned up."

"You're still going to make me go to this thing?" Eddie whines, deeply offended.

"You didn't think you could get out of it that easily, did you? It's for the kids, Eddie!" Buck exclaims, continuing to drag Eddie along.

Eddie wonders, suddenly, if he could convince a doctor to hold him overnight for observation.

On the way out a short while later, they see Athena by the front doors of the hospital. "Officer, I'm being kidnapped!" Eddie calls, with false urgency. The officer she's talking to turns to look at them sharply and Athena sighs and rolls her eyes, waving the other man off.

"You can ignore Firefighter Diaz. Trust me, he's exactly where he wants to be."

Eddie looks at Athena with an expression of outright betrayal, she's amused but having none of it—Because, yeah. Eddie is exactly where he wants to be.

"We can play that as sexy," repeats on a never ending loop in Eddie's head, and admittedly he's feeling a little sweaty about it.

On the drive home, Buck glances at him from time to time. "Really, though, Eds. Are you good?"

"What?" Eddie was too busy listening to the little loop playing in his brain to process Buck's question.

"When Harry said you were at the hospital—" Buck shakes his head. "Then Chris was telling me about the truck… You told me about the graffiti, but not the knife."

"I knew it would freak you out."

"Yeah, it did! It does—!"

"I'm fine, Buck."

"You've got a nasty shiner and a knife wound, Eddie. You're not fine." There's a note of frustration in Buck's tone.

Eddie leans back in the seat and lulls his head to the side, watching Buck's quiet focus on the road. He's always liked watching Buck drive, there's something soothing about it. Calm. "You're here, aren't you." Eddie's voice is soft and a little vulnerable.

Buck blinks and flexes his hand on the steering wheel, glancing over at Eddie as if uncertain. "W-what?"

"You're here, so I'm okay."

He watches Buck wet his lips, touched, but clearly taken off guard. "You know, if you're really not up to the auction tonight, I'm sure I can smooth talk someone for you."

"It'll be fine Buck. It's for the orphans, right?"

"And the widows."

"And the widows," Eddie concedes in amusement.

Eddie hates the auction. He hates the principal of the thing—he misses the old-fashioned days, where instead of selling your body—as if you were a slab of meat—you sold, like, labor, or something. He could mow someone's lawn for a year—and yeah, Eddie's realizing belatedly how that sounds, even in his own head. The point still stood!

The pageantry is sort of amusing—he'd probably hate it less if he weren't participating. Even if it was for the 'widows and orphans'. He still thought it made more sense for him to write a check, verses whatever this bizarre heteronormative display was.

Hen had taught him that word. He thinks it fits whatever this is perfectly.

So, he's dressed in his turnouts, and a white tank top. Per Buck, who hasn't stopped fussing over his outfit, much to Eddie's exasperation and chagrin. He can barely look at Buck right now without feeling the urge to pass out whenever his brain helpfully prompts Buck's expression when he'd called him sexy earlier. Well, his shiner at least. Which was ridiculous, but unfortunately, he did trust Buck on these sorts of matters.

When Buck disappears to get ready himself—probably all while pestering Harry and Ravi, to make sure they're equally prepared—Eddie is left blissfully alone for what feels like the first time all day.

He sits down, perching himself in a coat rack full of turnouts—not that any of the oiled up men from other stations would likely be using them anyway. And there is a lot of them—oiled up men, everywhere. So Eddie is keeping his eyes firmly to himself to avoid anyone catching his gaze wandering. Especially towards Buck, who has been very secretive of his shtick for the evening.

He'd been surprised and a little annoyed when Buck initially opted out, since he was being made to parade himself out there, while Buck who usually loved this sort of stuff wasn't. But pressing the matter, something in Buck's face made Eddie drop it and he hadn't pushed the conversation again.

Clearly Buck was working through something right now, which Eddie of all people could understand.

So when he admitted to Eddie a few days later he was back in, he was equally surprised.

A Life360 notification alerts Eddie that Chimney and Maddie have arrived. He's not ready for the extensive blackmail material certain to come out of this evening—and it's then that the thought strikes him. He hesitantly pulls up his and Maddie's text chain, thumbs hovering over the keyboard with uncertainty.

Eddie has, to an extent, grown comfortable around Buck's sister throughout the years. But much like Ravi at the club the other night, she always had this way of looking at you—like she knew what lived inside of you, like you were transparent. He'd always found it a little difficult to face head on, and now that Eddie knows he's in love with her brother. Well, he's been actively avoiding her.

He shakes the thought off. This was for the greater good, he just needed to suck it up and text her.

Eddie: Heeyyyy

Maddie: Hi?

Maddie: Does my brother have you all dressed up for your Ken doll Barbie pageant?

Eddie: What do you think?

Maddie: 🤣🤣🤣

Maddie: Did you need something?

Eddie: Can I not text my best friends sister out of the blue without wanting something?

Maddie: Sorry, I just thought you were avoiding me.

Eddie: What?

Eddie: I'm not avoiding you.

Eddie texts, like a lying liar, who lies.

Maddie: Hmm

Eddie: So maybe I do need a favor...

Maddie: How much?

Eddie: What?

Maddie: How much to you want me to bet?

Eddie: How did you know?

Maddie: Don't you have two sisters.

Eddie: Oh. Right…

Maddie: There will be a fee for my services of course.

Eddie glances up when Buck reappears in his LAFD uniform—a normal enough outfit that Eddie doesn't even get distracted. Score one - Eddie Diaz. Evan Buckley - well, Eddie doesn't really want to score that.

Eddie: Deal. Anything to get me out of this.

Maddie: It's for the orphans and widows, Eddie!!!

Eddie: I'm a widower! What about me!!! Does anyone care what I want?

"Will you get off your phone? The auction is about to start," Buck complains, moving closer.

"That's why I'm texting," Eddie explains vaguely, tapping out another text to Maddie rapidly, while ignoring the obnoxiously loud announcer. He really needed a drink for this.

Eddie: Also, Buck cannot know I bid on myself. I will hear about it until the day I die.

Maddie: I love having blackmail material !

Eddie: Be nice to me, I'm being objectified against my will!!!

"What do you mean? Sending some kind of bomb threat so that the auction gets canceled?" Buck asks, openly annoyed.

Eddie looks over at him, feigning innocence, just to see the look on Buck's face when he says, "You think that'll work?"

Buck grumbles under his breath, shaking his head before storming off. It would be cute how much Buck cared—if it were for literally anything else. Eddie chuckles and pockets his phone after he and Maddie finalize a number. He'd decided to cut things off around $2,500, he had a little inheritance money to help supplement his income and this felt like a worthy enough cause. It was for the orphans after all.

Buck relaxes a little when Eddie joins the group, standing by Ravi and Harry—the latter is anxiously bouncing on his heels, nervous confidence on his face. "You're going to do great, trust me!" Buck is promising him. Harry takes a deep breath and heads to the stage as the announcer begins to say, "This Bachelor is having a year of firsts."

"You're next," Buck says taking him by the shoulders and lining him up where he's supposed to make his entrance. Eddie glances at Ravi who at least looks as nervous as Eddie feels.

"Pushy," Eddie complained lightly, bumping his shoulder against Buck's. As nervous as Ravi was though, he still had enough wits about him to make a face between amusement and pained, which mostly made him look constipated.

"I wouldn't have to be if you'd just listen."

"No need to worry about that racing heartbeat, ladies."

Eddie feels himself physically grimace. Buck nudges him forward. "Smile!" Buck hisses, nudging him forward.

"Bossy," Eddie mumbles, a little flirtatiously—thrilled when Buck seems a little dazed. He walks out backward onto the cat walking, giving a final sarcastic smile and salute, before flexing for the audience as he's been tirelessly instructed.

"This guy is a medic—That's right, take a stroll and we'll start the bidding at $300 dollars." Eddie looks over his shoulder, genuinely surprised by the amount of cheers. He glances to the softly affectionate Buck, one last time, before turning around to walk down the center of the walkway. His limbs feel hot and heavy—he hates being this much of a spectacle. He reminds himself over and over that it's for the orphans and widows.

He waves a little awkwardly and flexes his biceps as he continues to walk, spinning a circle—if he had to do it, he might as well show off his best assets. Somewhere in the crowd he hears Chimney call his name—Eddie will eventually get revenge upon his captain, Chim can count on that.

He feels a low swoop of relief when he hears the announcer exclaim that a mystery bidder had bid $2,500. Eddie pumps both fists when the announcer says sold and he happily hops off the stage, wondering smugly what Buck thought about that. Yes, he knows that he's a petty little gremlin and he doesn't care.

Eddie crouches down as Ravi is introduced to the stage, sliding into an open chair and keeping his voice low while promising Maddie, "I'll Venmo you the $2,500."

"Uh, plus, my fee!" Maddie reminds him. And before Eddie has time to roll his eyes at her, Athena interrupts.

"You bought yourself at auction?"

Eddie smugly grins and tells her that it's, "Worth every penny." He beams when Athena laughs in disbelief, like he's surprised her for the second time that day.

Ravi walks down the catwalk and Eddie frowns when the crowd is too quiet, despite the hum of laughing and chatting.

"$300!" May says, quickly lifting her paddle and Eddie watches relief flood through Ravi as the crowd reacts to the first bid, picking up steam. He doesn't think anything about it—at least not until she raises her paddle a second time. Eddie laughs when Athena makes a comment about the ball 'already rolling'.

"Alright, whose got sixteen hundred dollars?" The auctioneer asks the audience. "Sixteen hundred dollars!" He exclaims when May raises her paddle a third time. This earns a wolf whistle from Eddie, who can't resist teasing her. Without even looking in his direction, May turns and flips him off with her perfectly manicured nails.

"Can it, Diaz!"

He laughs, exchanging a glance with Athena. When he catches the horrified expression on Harry's face, Eddie laughs even harder, wheezing a little.

"Going once, going twice. Sold for sixteen hundred dollars to the woman in red. Thank you very much!" There's a pause for suspense and the commentator speaks again. "Okay, folks, it's time." Ravi hops off stage to join their group, relief evident on his features. "How many bucks is one Buck worth?"

"He has a multimedia presentation?" Harry asks, whipping around to look at Eddie, who also had definitely not known about Buck's presentation. "Nobody told me we could have a multimedia presentation!" Athena hushes her son, eyes fixed on the stage as they all wait for Buck to make his grand appearance.

"Put your hands together for Evan "Buck" Buckleyyyy!"

Eddie looks around in surprise when the room reaches the loudest volume he's heard all night, and if a little pang of jealousy shoots through his stomach, well… he'll keep that to himself. The next minute is a lot. And Eddie can't help but roll his eyes when Buck literally rips his shirt off, buttons popping and landing on stage.

He's also got to pretend it's not doing something weird to his insides.

Ravi says something that fades into the noise of the crowd as Buck struts up the stage, tossing his shirt off to the side. Athena responds and Eddie tries to capture the thread of it but he's still struggling to take his eyes off of Buck. His effort is unsuccessful. Could anyone blame him though, when Buck looked like that?

"Now, ladies and gentlemen, Buck wants me to let everyone know that he has changed his wild ways, and he's ready to settle down with that special someone. Could be you! Lets find out! That's right folks, he's learned to cook. He's an avid baker, but that's not all! Most importantly he's an uncle to his niece and nephew."

Eddie shakes his head, "Shameless." He informs the table, as the crowd eats it up with awes and coos.

"Now, do I have any bidders?"

Eddie is startled when nearly every paddle in the room goes up at once. The war goes both like molasses and much too quickly. May steals a look at Eddie, he flushes when he realizes he's been caught staring.

Under her breath she asks him, "Need to borrow a paddle, Diaz?" It's his turn to affectionately flip her off in embarrassment. "Probably out of money after bidding on yourself."

"Why would I pay for something I get for free," Eddie points out with an eye roll. "I was there when Maddie took that stupid picture."

May smirks and raises her eyebrows and yeah—maybe that was a little too honest but his adrenaline is pumping and he's terrified for the first time he might have missed his shot with Buck. A shot he swore he wouldn't take—but the idea of someone else—well. It makes him downright nauseous.

His eyes are on Buck again. He feels something knock loose in his chest when he recognizes the table of seniors from their call the other day as the bidders. He loosens his grasp on his turnouts where his knuckles were white with stress, from gripping his suspenders.

He sits back and lets Maddie bring him a glass of wine from the open bar, and it's not long before Buck joins them after chatting with his many dates.

"I've been invited to their knitting group," Buck is explaining between eligible bachelor's from other stations.

"That's adorable," Maddie says, "See! I told you!"

Eddie glances over at her, wondering what that meant, and Buck flushes, but looks happy all the same. He makes a note to ask about the exchange later.

The rest of the night with the team is kind of fun, the party travels to Athena's for a late dinner. All of them positively starving, especially the 'eligible bachelor's' coming down from an adrenaline crash.

He finds himself standing on the back porch alone, gazing out into the night sky wondering how Chris was doing at the Wilson's. Understandably, after their wreck the day before they'd wanted to spent a night in. It worked out in his favor anyways, because it meant there was nowhere urgent Eddie needed to be right now.

It's still only just about 10—they'd been able to beg out relatively early since their station had been up early in the order. And it also became quickly clear Buck was, without a doubt, going to be the highest bid of the night.

The glass door behind him slides open and he looks over at Buck who smiles at him. He's changed into a pair of gray acid washed jeans, but he's still wearing his black tank top—showing off both his giant biceps and the tattoos that litter his arms. Eddie is feeling extremely normal about this (he isn't).

Eddie had grabbed his black leather jacket before heading out this afternoon, the February evening had a bit of a bite to it. He's thankful for it now—making him feel a little less exposed, both outside and in.

"So. Be honest. How'd I do up there?" Buck asks with a cheeky grin.

"Why even ask, you know the audience loved you," Eddie points out with a smile, elbowing his side. Buck looks away, as if made shy by Eddie simply singling out the truth. "That was quite a presentation. Last I'd heard, you weren't even going to do it."

"Maddie talked some sense into me. Meanwhile, you're one to talk, with an anonymous bidder and everything. There's a strange edge to Buck's voice, which makes Eddie turn and look at him, feeling a sick thrill of pleasure. Was Buck jealous?

"Slick move using your niece and nephew."

"Do you think it was cringy"

"Buck, they all ate it up. I think it's nice that you're ready to settle down." Eddie's mouth suddenly feels dry, filled with the sudden urge to ask Buck to settle down with him. "You know, you didn't suggest that I play the single dad card. Were you worried I'd steal your thunder?" Eddie teases. He's a little surprised when Buck seems flustered by the accusation.

"It wasn't a competition."

"Thank God, because if it was, I was a few thousand short."

"Come on, you two. Foods here," May says, startling both of them when she abruptly opens the door. It's then Eddie realizes just how close they'd drifted, and he feels himself step back, like he's been caught doing something he shouldn't.

"So, since I'm short a vehicle right now, could I bother you for a favor later?" Eddie asks as they head for the kitchen. "I wanted to pick some stuff up, Abigail is supposed to head out around midnight in order to avoid her mother, I was wondering if you would drive me?

"Of course," Buck says immediately. "You know I'd be happy to."

"It's just, I don't have 8,000 dollars on me."

"Shut up, Eds," Buck says laughing and shoving him enough to make him stumble. Eddie cackles and rushes toward the kitchen, in order to get in line ahead of him. Their regular shenanigans earning amusement and sighs all around. "I didn't know we were racing that's not fair!" Buck complains.

And who can blame Eddie, for falling in love with this man?

Eddie climbs into Buck's truck with a breath of finality mixed with relief and melancholy. He'd stood on the curb a few extra minutes, really giving himself a moment to breathe and process the events of the last week.

It's so easy for Eddie, now, to see why back then he'd related to her so fiercely. He sees pieces of himself, represented within Abigail, namely his own rocky childhood, growing up under his parents roof. Conforming to a too strict religious upbringing had made the very idea of grappling with his sexuality impossible.

She was like a physical metaphor for his own journey with sexuality and existence.

So there's something satisfying about sending her off like this—knowing she would land somewhere soft and safe. He thinks it heals a piece of his own childhood. He handed her a bag of snacks and a little gas money—a start, a beginning, an encouragement.

He knows a sweet kid like her would find her voice out there with just a little help.

It's like he can breathe in a way he hasn't in months. He buckles his seat belt, clear-headed.

"What?" Eddie asks, when Buck's still wearing that same strange expression even a mile down the road.

"You're just such a dad." It's soft, almost an admission, but so full of affection. "You know you did a good thing for her, right?"

"Maybe I should have put that in my multimedia presentation," Eddie teases. "Just so you know, I told Chris about the first auction. He's got a lot of questions."

Buck laughs with a groan, "Can we not revisit my Buck 1.0 days?"

"You know you've never really told me about him," Eddie says.

"Sure I have, we've all told you plenty of his biggest hits," Buck says in sheepish exasperation.

"He was still part of who you are today. I'm sure there was something going on in that little psyche of yours." So Buck talks and Eddie listens, asking questions on occasion. He thinks that the auction might have healed a little bit of Buck's younger self too.

When they reach Eddie's house, he climbs out of the truck pausing before closing the door. "Do you want to come inside," Eddie inquires, and Buck looks surprised but agrees easily.

"Am I ever going to find out who your mystery bidder was—did-did they tell you?" Buck asks as Eddie unlocks the front door.

"This again?" Eddie prods in amusement, stepping in and kicking off his shoes. He makes a beeline for his room, ready to change into something a little more comfortable, Buck follows him, going to his own drawer full of various sleep clothes. Eddie flops back on the bed, wearing something he's suspicious might actually belong to Buck, the t-shirt is looser than normal and extra soft from wear. Buck sits down more gingerly, groaning as he stretches out beside Eddie.

"It was me."

"Huh?" Buck said, eloquent in his confusion.

"The mystery bidder. That's why I was texting. Really—it was your sister."

"My sister bought you as her date?"

"Well, no—I bought myself, she just was bidding on my behalf."

Buck laughs in disbelief shaking his head. "You're ridiculous."

"Athena thought so too." Eddie looks over at him, "I still can't believe someone spent eight thousand dollars on you."

"Don't think I'm worth it?" Buck joked self-deprecatingly.

"Of course, you are. You're—you're more than worth it, but I don't think there should ever be a price tag on your love it's too… vast." Eddie hears Buck's breath audibly catch. And then, without really thinking about it, he leans to the side and kisses Buck, threading gentle fingers through his hair and beneath him—Buck, to his surprise, melts like putty.

It's a slow and measured sort of thing, as their bodies shift, gravitating toward one another like magnets. "Eddie," Buck says, breathless and stunned and grinning all at once. "What—"

"I love you, Evan Buckley." Eddie says it softly, but meaningfully.

"Oh." Buck says, eyes widening. "Oh." And he moves quickly now, balling a hand in Eddie's shirt to drag him closer and they're kissing all over again. With a little more heat.

"You love me?" Buck asks pulling away after a minute, Eddie chasing his mouth but coming up empty.

"Yes, Buck." Eddie agrees patiently.

"I do too, I mean you—I didn't know."

"Me either, not until kind of recently."

Buck nods after a minute and the kissing continues, Buck's hands slip up his shirt, feeling up Eddie's stomach and chest, and Eddie's quick to pull his shirt off. Buck stops to toy with his ever-present Saint Christopher medallion.

Not long after that, though, it's a rush to get pieces of clothes off—Buck has his sweats down halfway when Eddie exclaims. "Wait!" He sits up from where he's straddling Buck's hips on the bed. Buck freezes underneath him. "Out of curiosity, do you accept payment plans?"

Buck huffs in annoyance, and rolls over, bringing a dazed Eddie with him—suddenly on his back, with Buck's thighs spread over his hips. Eddie swallows painfully hard. "You're going to pay for that, Eds."

Eddie feels himself giggle. "But it's for the orphans, Buck—and eight thousand is a little out of my price-range right now!"

"I really hate you, you know." Buck informs him. (He doesn't.) "And for you, it's eight thousand and three."

"Well, there are no more bachelor auctions in your future. Ever. So get used to coaching from the sidelines."

Buck grins, so happy and content and Eddie thinks he could burst with joy himself. "I can live with that."