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Eva Stratt would consider her hearing to be better than average; and that would normally be a good thing, but it was currently nothing more than a nuisance to her. The muffled noises that came from the other side of her office door burrowed deep into her skull, resulting in a throbbing pain. Even if everyone was as soft-spoken as she was, Stratt was certain she wouldn’t feel any better.
There were a pair of empty coffee cups on her desk in front of her. The disposable kind. She looked down at them, listless. A trashcan was on the floor next to her, so she had every means to simply throw out the cups, but she just couldn’t do it. Not out of any attachments, but because moving felt like an effort that would be far too much for her to do.
It felt as though she were squeezing consciousness through a tube. Everything was tightly distorted, and it was difficult to focus on any single thing. Her mind and body felt completely out of step. She should throw out the empty cups, but couldn’t. She should quiet the people outside, but couldn’t.
What were they even saying? Though the entire world seemed to be pressing down on her, Stratt did her best to listen.
Nothing good.
The chatter outside was completely unimportant, holding no greater significance than water cooler talk. Clarity came in uneven waves, but what Stratt could stitch together was that a group of people were egging an additional person on. Stratt recognized a few of the voices. Ilyukhina, for example. That voice came up a lot, it was too distinctive not to notice.
That said, there was only one voice in the whole incongruous mixture that made Stratt perk up. No, that suggested Stratt had energy to spare. In actuality, Stratt had her head nestled in one of her hands, and slid her face slightly upwards towards the door after hearing that voice.
The voice, of course, belonged to one Doctor Ryland Grace.
“Are you certain she’s in there?” he said.
“Positive!” answered another voice. Loudly.
Grace’s response was softer, and Stratt strained herself to hear it. “And you don’t think she might be on a conference call?”
Though hardly enthused, Stratt felt a little proud Grace was acting hesitant. They were clearly trying to force him to go inside, and Stratt hoped that he wouldn’t do so. If Grace didn’t want to go inside either, then it was more than likely they’d give up and leave him alone. It was good that they were on the same wavelength.
And yet, somewhere deep inside her, Stratt knew it wasn’t enough. From Stratt’s experience, Grace usually ended up doing things. After all, he was originally against joining the Petrova Taskforce, but he came along nonetheless. Even when Stratt handed him odd tasks, no matter how hesitant he initially was, Grace would do it in the end.
“She hasn’t been at any of her scheduled meetings today,” a third voice chimed in.
“But she’s definitely in there,” said the loud one.
“What makes you so sure?” asked Grace.
“Just go!” That was Ilyukhina’s voice.
Before Grace could get another word in, the door to Stratt’s office was pushed open, and Grace was thrusted inside. His shoes squeaked against the floor as he stumbled through the doorframe, and the tray he was holding clattered as he tried to regain his balance. Thankfully, Grace did not fall, and was otherwise quiet as he walked towards Stratt’s desk.
He approached cautiously, and also avoided looking Stratt in the eyes. Considering she was no doubt glaring at him, a side effect of being in too much pain to make a kinder face, Stratt could sympathize.
“Heard you missed lunch,” Grace began, placing the tray on the desk. Wordlessly, he pushed the cups to the side, and upon realizing they were both empty, he tossed them out. “I can bring more, if you want.”
“No thank you,” said Stratt, the sound of her voice irritating even her.
She looked down at the tray. It was a completely standard lunch. Specifically, it was the kind that Stratt had catered at the end of every month in order to keep morale reasonably high. Most people liked it, though it should go without saying that Stratt felt absolutely nothing for it in the given moment. She brought her gaze back up to Grace, who flinched in response.
“That’s cool, too,” said Grace.
“Is that all?”
Grace took a step back. “Uh,” he went, “It’s nothing important, I guess.”
“Very well,” said Stratt. Whatever Grace wanted could wait, assuming it truly wasn’t anything important.
Actually, she should ask. Stratt knew that Grace liked to downplay certain things, so it might actually be something of note. At the same time, her headache still throbbed against her brain, and if she had to spend any more time speaking, she may just collapse. But work was more important.
“Tell me what it is,” Stratt added.
It didn’t matter if she felt as though she’d collapse. Stratt couldn’t let herself be weak. A moment wasted was a moment lost. She felt ill, but Stratt still felt good enough that she was able to drag herself to her office in the morning, after all. The throbbing in her head made it hard to work, but not outright impossible. She could be good enough to speak.
“No, it’s not really anything I should be concerned with,” said Grace.
“Doctor Grace.”
“Yes?”
“This is an order.”
“Are you feeling alright?” Grace asked quickly. The words slipped out of him, as though Grace hoped they’d disappear as soon as they came out. Stratt still heard them, and another tinge of pain shot across her head.
“I’ll be fine,” said Stratt, convincing herself. “Like you said, I missed lunch.”
Grace nodded as he hummed an ‘mn’ noise in response. Whether or not he was convinced it was hunger pains was dubious.
In order to emphasize that Stratt was in fact, totally capable of working, she stood up, albeit needing to place her hands against the desk in order to steady herself. The whole world seemed to lurch when she did that. Too fast. A flash of awful heat rushed to her head, but Stratt did her best to not let it show. She’d be fine, or so she declared in her head.
She walked around the other side of her desk and grabbed by the arm. She softly tugged on his jacket sleeve, pulling Grace towards the door. He let out a confused noise, but didn’t pull away as Stratt guided him towards the exit.
“I would prefer to eat lunch alone,” Stratt said in lieu of a goodbye. She had let go of Grace and placed her hand on the door knob, but she had not yet opened it. Though she loathed admitting it, she was waiting to hear Grace’s response. Even though her head throbbed, she wanted to hear his voice.
It also helped that the door knob was something to hold onto to keep herself standing straight. Maybe she shouldn’t have let go of Grace yet. Moving was easier when she was holding Grace.
“Are you going to skip any other meetings today?” Grace asked.
Normally, Stratt would force a smile and shake her head. However, Stratt lacked the ability to even do that. Her body felt as though she had been climbing a mountain. The mountain was steep and covered with snow, and each step she took, a little part of her sunk into it. Little glints of pain stabbed into her, numbing her mind. Even as she reached the peak— which was to say, even though she brought Grace to the door— there was still another journey left. She had to go down.
And so she did.
Stratt lost her balance, and collapsed.
It took a moment for her mind to catch up with her body. The first thing it did was supply the image of snow— which made sense, since the world was getting colder. It showed up like a bad ending. Maybe she was in snow, actually. It was soft and felt plush against her, and was a pleasant kind of warm. Ah, hypothermia.
No, that can’t be right.
Stratt blinked her eyes open and realized what actually happened. Grace had caught her. The warmth she felt, which had felt refreshing to her, had actually come from Grace.
“I’m sorry,” said Stratt. Both because she felt ashamed for falling onto him, and for having felt relieved that Grace was there. Stratt abhorred how human she felt. Vulnerable.
“Huh, what?” Grace didn’t get it.
Stratt tried to pull away, but Grace wouldn’t let her. He held her close enough that from where her head rested she could feel Grace’s heartbeat. It was far too fast. Was he nervous? Scared? Either way, that wasn’t good. Stratt needed to be a leader. She couldn’t let her own humanity faze her.
“Hold on, don’t do that,” Grace added, weakening her resolve.
“I’ll be fine in a moment. This will pass,” Stratt sighed.
“Not like that, it won't! You should be resting!”
Only then did Stratt pick her head up and look at Grace. She saw fear in his expression. His mouth hung open a little bit, wanting to say something but clearly lacking the words to express his concern. But what Stratt noticed more than anything else was the image of herself reflected in his askew glasses. She looked just as terrible as she felt. Truly, Stratt was fooling nobody.
“Alright,” said Stratt, resigning herself to Doctor Grace’s suggestion. “I’ll rest.”
At least for a little while, her mind added. Spare an hour or so. After all, she had missed a meeting. She’d have to make up for it. Even if all Stratt would be able to do was review material.
“And you won’t do it in the office?” Grace asked.
“Fine.” Stratt spoke before her pride stopped her. She could still work in her room. There was a desk there. And Grace wouldn’t be there to stop her.
“Great,” went Grace, clapping once and then immediately regretting it, given how close it was to Stratt’s ear.
Grace sucked in a breath and propped Stratt up against the wall. She slumped against it, but was more or less standing. Look, she was getting better already.
Deciding she’d be okay on her own for a moment, Grace opened the door, though only slightly, so as to stop anyone from peeking inside. He waved away the people who were still standing outside. Stratt heard a few people ask if she was okay, which Grace nodded in response to, offering no elaboration.
Once everyone was gone, or at the very least, far enough away to not be a bother, Stratt separated herself from the wall, feeling content that she wouldn’t fall over again. As a precaution, she turned to Grace and said “Would you carry my laptop for me?”
“You’re still planning on working?”
“Only if anyone needs me.” The world did.
“And what if I don’t carry it?” Grace asked.
“Then I would be very disappointed.”
Grace pouted, though Stratt couldn’t tell if he was being sly again or was actually upset. Either way, Grace went to her desk and grabbed her laptop, before quickly returning to her side. For the first time in a while, Stratt actually smiled.
“Thank you,” she said.
“Do you want me to bring anything else, too?”
“No, the laptop is enough. As you said, I should be resting.”
“Hm,” went Grace. With a response like that, he was likely asking about food, though Stratt decided not to comment on it.
Instead, she finally left her office. The path from there was rather unremarkable, were it not for the fact that Stratt had to move slowly. Any time she moved a bit too fast, warning signs went off inside her head which made her feel unsteady again.
And that was to say nothing on how it affected Grace. Every time Stratt would stop moving, so too would Grace. When she started to move again, Grace would as well. He’d keep a short distance away from her, however, no doubt wanting to respect the confidence she had in her ability to get to her room.
Still, it felt very strange to have Grace hover so close to her. Trying to wrap her head around the emotion, there were a few times she’d pause only because she wanted to see how Grace would react. She liked it when Grace would stop, slide the laptop underneath his shoulder and raise his arm, so clearly wanting to be helpful. But then Stratt would keep moving, and Grace would follow her once more.
A part of herself still had mixed feelings about Grace’s proximity, however. She wanted him close, but didn’t want to take advantage of him. A moment of weakness wasn’t enough reason to have him so close. Things felt better when he was close, but she couldn’t bring herself to allow it.
It felt different compared to all those times she dragged him along to meetings. Yet not by much, in the grand scheme of things. Yes, Stratt wanted him there, so she requested his presence. The difference was hazy, and Stratt struggled to think of what it was.
Regardless, once they made it to her room, Stratt collected her laptop from Grace, nodded as a way of thanks, followed by stepping inside and closing the door behind her. It happened in such quick succession that Grace stood there stunned.
“Hey, wait!” he exclaimed, after processing what just happened.
“I can make it to my bed,” Stratt said from the other side of the door.
As proof, and also ignoring the fact that Grace couldn’t see her, Stratt placed her laptop down on a nearby desk and proceeded to plop face down onto her bed.
“Did you fall?” Grace asked, concerned.
“I’m okay.”
Everything shook when she moved, so a moment after her head connected with the pillow Stratt brought a hand to her mouth and kept it there. She took a few breaths to steady herself, and deciding that she would be fine, put her hand back down. She would not need to catch anything just yet.
“May I come in?” asked Grace.
“What for?”
“It’s polite to ask that before opening doors,” said Grace, doing exactly that.
Stratt turned over and looked at him. “What if I wasn’t decent, Doctor Grace?”
“You still have your shoes on.”
Stratt didn’t have a rebuttal; she didn’t bother to take anything off. Grace must’ve felt smug, having been proven right.
Nonetheless, Grace walked into her room and knelt down beside her bed. He looked up at Stratt, his gaze asking for permission, to which Stratt wordlessly nodded. Delicately, Grace took off Stratt’s shoes. As he pulled the shoe off his fingers ghosted against Stratt’s ankle. For some reason, Stratt’s whole body seemed to be focused on that one sensation. Even after pulling away, his touch lingered up her spine, forcing her to suppress a shiver.
Grace didn’t bother doing anything with her socks, and once he was done, he placed the shoes to the side and stood back up.
“Thank you,” said Stratt.
“Now you have to rest,” Grace responded.
“I will.”
Not that Grace was looking at her when she said that. His face was turned towards her desk, and by extension, her laptop.
“When was the last time you took a break?” Stratt asked on a whim.
“Huh? I don’t know, really,” said Grace, turning back towards Stratt.
“That won’t do at all,” said Stratt. She sat up and pointed at Grace “You should be resting as well.”
“But I’m not the one who nearly collapsed!”
“I can be replaced, but the Petrova Taskforce would be hard pressed to find another scientist with your talents,” said Stratt, her authoritative tone coming back to her.
“Well, when you say it like that!” went Grace, before adding, “Move over.”
“What?”
Before Stratt could properly react, Grace let himself fall onto the bed next to her. In an instant, Stratt’s vision was filled with the sight of Grace face down, buried into her pillow. He was close enough once more that she could smell him. Stratt hadn’t noticed when she fell on Grace before, too caught up in her own headache— but Grace’s scent was sweet; the faint aroma of candy, specifically.
Of course, how he smelled wasn’t what mattered. Grace was lying next to her. How completely unexpected! It was far bolder than what she would’ve expected from him. It made Stratt concerned. His heart was beating fast, earlier. Was he ill as well? So much so that he couldn’t make it to his own room?
Then Grace started to laugh into the pillow, another unexpected action in a matter of seconds. “Sorry,” he said, voice muffled, “I didn’t think this all the way through. I’m the only one laughing.”
“What were you trying to do?”
“Rest,” said Grace, awkwardly pushing against the bed and sitting up with his arms. He looked over at Stratt before continuing. “This didn’t work at all.”
“You’re not alright, are you?” asked Stratt.
“I’m fine, I’m fine. I guess I just wanted to see another thing through to the end.”
“...You want to take care of me?” Stratt guessed.
“Yes?” went Grace.
“You don’t sound too confident.”
“Can I stay? At least for a little while, just to make sure you don’t need anything.”
“Yes,” said Stratt. “You may stay.”
“Good,” he sighed. Grace fell onto the bed again, collapsing like he had failed doing a push-up.
“This close?”
Without picking his head up, Grace extended his arm and pulled Stratt closer to him. Stratt felt his hand on her back, and she didn’t know what to do. There wasn’t any way she’d be getting work done without pulling away. But, did she even want to do that?
“This close,” Grace hummed, stretching each syllable as long as possible.
Grace was acting cheeky. He had plopped down next to her, neglected to take off his own shoes, and was now keeping her captive. At the same time, Stratt realized that she didn’t mind it.
Hadn’t she told Grace that she was going to rest? It wasn’t a lie anymore. Certainly, part of her brain was still cataloguing things. Simple, foolish things. For the first time, she noted what it was like lying next to someone else. How she was close enough to hear him breathe. Tucked so close to Grace’s chest, her head didn’t even hurt as much as it did before. It was because of Grace she felt so content.
To think that her brain had felt on fire earlier. Now it was pleasantly warm, the heat coming from Grace’s embrace. Before, she would’ve chased it away. But now, she had been thoroughly defeated. Stratt allowed herself to lean into his touch, seeking it out.
She let herself be human.