Archive of Our Own

Ⅰ

1:33am

The first time something happens, Tomoya wakes up after going to bed early on a day off.

People often ask Tomoya whether sleeping in the living room ever gets annoying. He always answers no. Because, truly, it hasn't. There are moments he dislikes or where his sleep gets disrupted, but, maybe because he's the leader, he actually doesn't mind being woken up in the middle of the night by a worrying Haru or an overthinking Seita. 

He prefers that over his members eating themselves up from the inside about something that can be solved by a good talk and maybe some sobbing. 

This time, when he wakes up, he thinks that's not necessary. A light turns on in the kitchen, and there's the sound of water running, probably just someone getting water, so he turns around.

The next time he wakes up, no more than ten minutes can have passed. The light in the kitchen has been dimmed, but something has changed. Is he being watched? Tomoya sure feels like it. Maybe one of the others did need a talk? Slowly, he sits up, his blanket pooling around his waist. It's dark in the living room, but he'd recognize that figure anywhere.

“Hyui?” 

“Sorry, did I wake you?” The other mumbles, his voice much deeper than usual, like he just got up. He's holding a glass of water, but puts it down on the coffee table and walks up to Tomoya's bed. “Didn't mean to. Sleep.”

Hyui pulls at Tomoya's blanket and pushes at his shoulder, but Tomoya just wraps his arm around the boy's waist and pulls him closer until he's halfway on the bed. “Yah– what?”

“Don't order me around,” Tomoya snickers, but pulls again, “You woke me up, so help me fall asleep.”

“Here?”

“Do you wanna go to mine and Haru's room instead and risk waking Haru up?”

“No.”

“Then yes, here.” Tomoya squeezes Hyui's waist and uses his free hand to grab Hyui's hand, finally causing him to fall onto the bed.

“Moya…” Hyui grumbles, but he's sleepy and clearly not upset by this compromising situation. Sure, Tomoya doesn't have a double bed like Yu and Geon, but the bed definitely still fits two people, especially if he cuddles up to Hyui all the way.

“Sleep.” Tomoya hums Hyui's own words from a minute ago and presses his cheek against his shoulder. Hyui remains stiff for another moment, then finally sneaks an arm around Tomoya's and gets somewhat comfortable beside him. 

Hyui holds onto the arm for a moment, before his hand carefully trails up the rest of its shape, up to Tomoya's wrist, where he hesitates. Tomoya forces himself to keep his eyes shut.

One finger, then two, then three, finally all of them, travel across his wrist until they lay unsure on his knuckles. Tomoya waits for a beat, then pulls his arm back slightly. Hyui's fingers drop between his, and for a second, it feels like Hyui is about to pull away, when his fingers finally wrap around his hand.

Tomoya smiles to himself and leans closer, burying his face in Hyui's neck. He smells faintly like one of Seita's perfumes and a lot like his new mango-scented shampoo. Tomoya inhales deeply until he's able to smell Hyui's natural odor beneath the layers of artificial scents.

So no, if anyone asks, Tomoya isn't complaining.

1:34pm

He just wishes that Hyui wouldn't act like their little midnight cuddle never happened. 

Tomoya doesn't get it. Morning came, and Hyui left, which, okay, rude. Tomoya was way too sleepy to comprehend the situation and definitely clung to him when he shuffled out of bed, but fine.

But now he's weird about it. They're practicing a B-side's choreography for their next comeback, and one move involves them crossing their arms over another for Haru to slide beneath, and Hyui avoids touching him like he has the plague or something, making their arms unstable.

Their dance instructor gives them a break an hour into practice, and after downing half of his water, Tomoya decides to seek Hyui out.

“Hyui-yah!” He slides up beneath the (current) blond and bumps shoulders while he's talking to Yu. Yu pouts at Tomoya, obviously, acting petty about the younger interrupting their conversation. “Sorry, Yu, super important talk you're having here, I'm sure, but I need to borrow Hyui for a minute or two. Hold onto that topic, ‘kay?”

The two were just fooling around, else Tomoya wouldn't have interrupted and pulled Hyui away. Yu still rolls his eyes jokingly before joining Seita in teasing Yuki.

Outside of the practice room, Hyui immediately stiffens. Tomoya worriedly crosses his arms.

“Hyui, what's wrong? You've been acting weird all day.”

“It's nothing,” Hyui wraps an arm around his torso and plays with a loose thread of his sweatpants. “Just feeling like I need to practice the choreo a bit more. Sorry, I didn't– I'll do better.”

“Really?” Tomoya inquires, not quite believing that excuse. Hell, this choreo is one of their self-made ones, and they were so sure Hyui would fit his parts so well. If he dislikes his parts and is only now noticing it, that'd mean last-minute changes with a comeback just ahead.

“Yeah. Don't worry about me, Moya, I'll be fine.” 

II

1:35am

The second time it happened, Tomoya didn't mean to provoke anything. He acted on instinct, and since he's known Hyui for so long now, he thought he knew how to read him. To spot the signs for when skinship is okay, and when it isn't.

Practicing dance late into the night is always exhausting for all of them. Nobody gets mad at each other when one of them heads back to the dorm earlier than the rest, but of course, dancing just gets worse with each open space in the choreography. It doesn't feel right as six, or five, or less. 

Tomoya flops back on the ground, which is much cooler than his protesting body, and rubs sweat off of his chin. They're working on another NEXZ Archive right now, a special edition; a seven-part series where each member gets to pick a song and create a choreography for it. Yu's part was finished just yesterday, and their manager sent them the final draft before it goes online in two days, and it looks so good.

So Tomoya doesn't get why Hyui's part isn't coming together as well.

It's just him, Haru and Hyui left in the studio right now. Hyui is slumped over his notes, looking between them and Haru as the other tries to get the timing right.

There's one move just between the pre-chorus and the hook where all of them struggle, more than they struggled with all the synchronized spinning for Yu's video, even, which doesn't even make sense. Tomoya watches Haru pop his limbs, step to the side, follow the beat — only to stumble over half a beat and lose the timing again.

The dance leader groans and sinks to the ground. Hyui turns to his notes again, chewing on his pen, and that's when Tomoya decides to talk to him.

“Hyui-yah,” He gets up halfway and slumps over to sit next to Hyui, “Maybe we should just change up the steps here, I don't know. Something throws us all off here.”

Hyui doesn't look at Tomoya, “I know. I really do, it's just…ugh.” 

The pen falls onto the paper, and Hyui brings his hands to his face to drag them over his eyes while he groans. His voice is on the verge of breaking and Tomoya can tell that this is about more than just the dance.

He learned to read Hyui quite well in the past years, especially in the last two. The faint twitch of his eyebrow when he's annoyed at himself. The way his throat bobs when he's about to cry. Hyui keeps his eyes covered—Tomoya recognizes it for what it is: Hyui trying to keep it together. He glances at Haru, who caught onto his worry, and shakes his head.

“I don't get why I can't get this fucking choreo to make sense. I told the producer-nims I had it down and we wouldn't have to delay the announcement. If I change something now, you guys will have to learn it all anew, and we record in two days,” Hyui speaks into his hands, head tipped back, “I'm sorry.” 

A tease is already on Tomoya's tongue, something about needing help from his older members, when he notices how Hyui's fingers are kneading into his skin, barely apparent. It's a telltale sign of Hyui worrying, of him not wanting to bother others with his woes.

Tomoya shuffles until he sits in front of Hyui and grabs his wrists, pulling the other's hands from his face, “Yuhi.” 

Hyui shivers and finally looks at Tomoya, his pupils widening. Tomoya likes using Hyui's old name, his real name. The members have grown used to calling him Hyui easily, including Tomoya, but he's spent years calling him Yuhi, learning the way his voice wraps around the name, the way Yuhi would smile when introducing himself, a smile so bright it replicated the meaning of his name.

“Firstly, you're as good of a choreographer as Yu, Haru or I am. I know you don't believe that, and that makes you so insecure despite being good at this. At dancing. Secondly,” Tomoya runs his thumbs over the knuckles of Hyui's hands, “It's okay to ask for help. We can work on the steps tomorrow, it's just a quick change.”

“But–”

“No buts.” Tomoya says firmly, leaving no room for arguments. Hyui's mouth opens and closes, for once not retaliating. “You're gonna do well and we're gonna be fine.” 

Half a moment later, Hyui breaks their staring battle and slumps. 

Tomoya maybe should have stopped there. But he really thought he knew when it's okay to initiate skinship, and when not. Sure, his and Hyui's relationship consists more of banter and play-fighting, but it's not that they never touch. 

So when Tomoya sneaks his arms around Hyui, pulling him closer until he's able to wrap all his limbs around him and press his face into his neck, it's an attempt at reassuring him he means his words, mostly. 

(At least if he ignores how his heart strangely speeds up when Hyui's shirt lifts from the way his arms make their way around his waist, and if he ignores how hot the spots where his skin touches Hyui's feel.)

Hyui freezes in his hold for a moment, before the arm not squished by Tomoya's body comes up, holding onto the arm Tomoya has around his chest. Hyui allows himself to lean into the hug, and Tomoya hopes he'll also allow himself to lean on his older members when they'll help him with the choreo. 

“You're gonna be just fine, Yuhi.”

“Yeah,” Hyui whispers, “I'll be fine.” 

1:36pm

Tomoya has no words for how strange it feels to hold someone in a comforting hug at night, only to be rejected openly when he offers the promised help the next day.

Now don't get him wrong, he's all for independence! 

But, what? Why is Hyui suddenly avoiding him like he's hot to the touch? As if he did something wrong. Did he? He's just fine with Haru. He's letting Haru lean over his shoulder, chest square against his back, to glance at Hyui's notes, but if Tomoya so much as shuffles closer on the couch in the green room by even a millimeter, Hyui shifts. Away. He shifts away from Tomoya, who just wants to help.

Tomoya lets that happen three times before he gets up, pouting, walks over to the chair Seita is sitting in, and drops right into the younger's lap. Seita raises an eyebrow at him, but thankfully doesn't push him off, just moves his arms to rest his hands on Tomoya's shoulder.

“Do you know what's gotten into Hyui today?”

“Oh?” Seita looks up, putting his phone to the side. He looks at Hyui, who's currently nodding along to Haru seemingly counting, while tapping his foot. “He seems fine, what do you mean? He didn't seem off this morning either.”

Tomoya shifts until he isn't looking at Hyui at all anymore. “And last night? Were you still awake when Hyui came home to the dorm? Did he say anything?”

“Moya,” Seita begins, something akin to worry slipping into his otherwise calm voice, “What's this about suddenly? I wasn't awake when Hyui returned last night, but this morning we talked normally. There's nothing wrong. Why?”

“Just…” Tomoya shrugs. He can always be honest with Seita, he knows. They've spent hours just talking. But this feels intimate, edged into the bottom of his heart, and he can't talk to anyone about whatever it is yet until he retrieves it and understands it, until he knows what this feeling is. Until he knows why the mere idea of Hyui ignoring him makes him so sick. “I don't know, the air between us is weird today.” Are the words he settles on.

“The air between you two is always a little charged. I mean, you two banter like no other,” Seita tilts his head, “That's nothing new.”

“No– I– It's a bit different today. Maybe I said something wrong. I'll talk to him.”

“You better. You're Tomoya and Hyui, you're attached by the hip, if anything between you is off, the whole group is off-kilter.” Seita takes and squeezes Tomoya's hands.

“I will, promise.” The older nods, purposely avoiding to look back at where Hyui is probably grinning at Haru right now.

Seita nods and begins pushing Tomoya off his lap. ”And now stop using me as a pillow.”

“Aigoo!” Like a switch has been flipped, Tomoya whines, wrapping his arms around Seita's neck, “Don't be so mean to me!”

He doesn't notice Hyui's keen eyes boring into his back. 

He does notice that Hyui is suddenly strange again during filming. They're supposed to stand close for a 360° shot of them, when the camera director says Hyui should lean more into Tomoya's space. He's worried for a moment because hadn't Hyui just struggled when he came closer on the couch?

That's when his nose is suddenly full of strawberry and there's a hand on his waist, pulling him a bit closer. Hyui isn't looking at him at all, acting nonchalant, but Tomoya can see the faint twitch of his eyes, feels how his fingers clutch at his waist too hard. 

Tomoya doesn't mind it, per se — he just wants to understand where this comes from. Before he can even open his mouth, though, the camera director tells them to get into position and he has no choice but to comply.

Ten minutes later though he manages to pull Hyui aside. 

“Did I upset you?”

“What do you mean?” Hyui chugs down half of his water bottle, avoiding to look at Tomoya by any means. Tomoya's stomach twists strangely.

“It's…you're so strange today. Avoiding me and then pulling me so close suddenly.” 

Hyui shrugs and puts his bottle away, looking at everything and everyone but Tomoya, which just so happens to be the scene being filmed right now; Haru and Seita doing a part of the choreography before it dissolves into banter. He sighs, then finally looks at Tomoya.

Tomoya shivers under Hyui's gaze. It's searching for something on his face, but he doesn't seem to like the answer. 

“I'm really fine, Tomoya. Isn't your scene coming up? You should– should get ready.” 

Hyui stumbling over his words isn't unusual. It's the way he's stumbling over them that flips a switch in Tomoya's head: nervous, fidgeting, leaning away. It's those habits that make Tomoya grab the boy by the waist the exact same way he did earlier, and pull him closer, a shit-eating grin on his face.

“What, did I make you nervous earlier, is that it, Hyui-yah?”

He should've expected the hand that came flying for his face to push him off.

Never in a million years would he have expected Hyui bolting, red-faced like he's genuinely angry, not looking back once.

Tomoya blinks, locked in place by the brashness of Hyui's actions, by the faint sting in his shoulder where he can tell a bruise is forming.

Did he cross a line? No, surely not. This was a new reaction from Hyui. Neither angry nor ashamed, rather flustered, but still not quite.

Whatever is happening between them, Tomoya hates it.

III

1:37am

The third time it happens, the third time Tomoya notices, is when he tries to have the conversation he promised Seita.

It’s long past evening, the middle of the night. The clock on the wall by the entrance of their dorm blinks 1:37am when Tomoya opens the door. A silent dorm greets them, as always. Everyone tosses their shoes to the side, Yu asks if anyone still wants to eat. Tomoya silently thanks him for being so caring.

They have a grueling day of shooting behind them, so few words are exchanged while everyone gets ready to finish their day.

Well, everyone but Hyui. Tomoya watches the boy disappear onto their tiny balcony. He hesitates. Today was strange to say the least. And not just today, but the past two days altogether. 

But if Hyui is the sun, then Tomoya is one of the planets that orbit him, so he drops his towel and toiletry bag onto the counter (much to Yu’s dismay, who is currently busy with a quick dinner, and already has to deal with everyone’s left behind dishes from this morning), and rushes after Hyui.

Tomoya slows down between the doorframe. Hyui is sitting in one of three beanbags, the grey one in the corner that Haru uses when he needs fresh air to write music, and also the biggest one, which leads to it usually being claimed by the biggest cuddlers of the group.

But no one is cuddling on there currently, lest the way Hyui is hugging his knees to his chest counts.

“You look lonely.”

“Such an E thing to say,” Hyui huffs, “I’m fine, I’m just…thinking.”

Tomoya drops into the smaller, orange beanbag. “What’re you thinking about?”

Hyui turns to look at him and pulls his legs closer. “You.”

“What?”

“What?” Hyui pauses, and Tomoya can almost see the gears turning in his head. “Not like–! Not like that! Just– I was thinking about all of this. Us, Nexz. Everyone. Our friendship. And– and all that…”

Tomoya hums. He gets it, he does. If he ignores how his heart just skipped a beat there, then he may even be able to respond normally.

“Yeah, it's crazy, isn't it? It's been two years of us already,” He pulls his knees up and bumps shoulders with Hyui, allowing himself to rest there, to keep that spot of their shoulders connected, “Yet it feels like we danced to Miracle just a month ago. Time went by so fast. I still can't believe it. And we even have real awards to our name.”

“You sound like you don't believe it.”

“Sometimes I don't.” Tomoya tilts his head up, and suddenly it's just him and Hyui in the night air. They're so close. He can feel Hyui's breath on his cheek and suddenly feels the need to lower his voice to a whisper. “It's all so big, you know? Our dreams aren't dreams anymore.”

“Most of them, anyway.”

“What else are you dreaming of?” Tomoya asks, curious, leaning a bit closer, as if he's not already sinking heavy against the other beanbag.

Hyui falters. Stares at Tomoya, shifts his shoulder ever so slightly, pulls his knees up a bit more like he's physically raising his defenses. Tomoya lets him. It's what Hyui needs sometimes.

“Do you…” Hyui begins, then squeezes his eyes shut, turns away. He opens them after what must be an eternity. “Do you ever wonder if this life is causing us to miss out on something else our heart might want?”

“Like what?" Tomoya questions. “More freedom? I mean, yeah–”

“No, Moya,” Hyui shakes his head and angles his face toward Tomoya's again, “Like all the things we've been missing out on for years. Things we simply couldn't allow ourselves because we were trainees, and now we're idols.”

Tomoya blanks. Hyui searches for something in his face, desperate as if whatever Tomoya might think about replying holds all the answers one may need in life. But alas, after a moment, Hyui stands up. Jumps up almost, with enough force to startle Tomoya.

“Whatever, forget it.”

Tomoya stares after Hyui. 

There's been things he wanted before. Maybe there's been more than things before, if he's really honest. But he put a lid on that want ages ago. Hid it between spiraling thoughts about his dancing and worries about how he sounded.

And maybe, between all that hiding and shoving it away, he managed to forget the exact shape of the words. He won't ever forget how heavy they feel tied to his heart, though.

1:38pm

Breakfast was awful, but it gets worse past midday. They only had one schedule today, one for filming challenges with other idols from the company. Tomoya supposes he should be happy about getting to film with the Bang Chan of Stray Kids, but all he can think about is Hyui.

They're not even arguing, not really, and that's what makes it worse. Usually, even at times like these, him and Hyui still butt heads about everything and nothing — but not today, apparently.

He must've been distracted during the challenge, so learning the choreography for the newest Stray Kids song, one he actually quite enjoys, a choreo that he'd usually understand and internalize in no time, takes longer.

Chan notices, because of course he does. By the time they're leaving the room they were filming in, most of Tomoya's nervousness has ebbed out though, so when Chan nudges him as they pass by Soul Cup and offers to buy him a drink, he doesn't think twice about accepting. The older leader tells him not to rack his brains too much and focus on good stuff instead, Tomoya smiles, and promises he will.

Maybe he should have expected that his members would notice the shift in his mood instantly. He doesn't mind them knowing. The thing troubling his mind has been Hyui for probably the past twenty-four hours.

They're back home now, though, and have half a day ahead of them still, so the members decide to spend it leisurely, staying in and playing games.

He doesn't notice. It's an instinct, he swears. But when he sinks onto the couch, currently inhabited by the youngest three members, although Seita is focused on his newest drawing, he reflexively throws his legs up. Out of comfort, he twists them to his right side, since he doesn't want to rest his legs on a cold and bumpy drawing tablet.

They land in Hyui's lap.

Hyui looks at them, looks at Tomoya, back at the legs, then his gaze locks onto the screen. For the remaining rest of the evening, he fully ignores Tomoya's presence. Ignores him when he presses close to make space for Geon, who half splays onto Seita. Ignores him when he asks whether anyone wants a drink. Ignores him when they start cleaning up for the day.

Tomoya corners him before he rejoins the couch cuddle pile, just between the kitchen and the living room's doorframe.

“Hyui.”

Hyui avoids his eyes and looks away. 

“Hyui, can you please tell me what I did wrong?”

“I don't think you know.” Hyui retaliates, almost bitter. Tomoya blinks.

“Then– What? I mean, what am I supposed to do then?” Tomoya feels anger gnawing at his chest. He's a lot of things, but he's not superhuman. He can't just guess wildly and magically fix things. “You need to talk to me.”

“I talked to you last night.” Hyui tries to step past Tomoya, who presses a hand to his chest and keeps the younger in place.

“No —well, yes, but you know what I mean. Don't be cold. Actually speak with me, Hyui, please.”

Hyui hesitates. Clearly, he has something to argue about still, words to throw at Tomoya's head. But he swallows them.

“I'm sorry.”

“It's fine,” Is Tomoya's instant response, shaking his head, “It's been stressful, I get it.”

“Stressful..” Hyui nods.

Tomoya knows Hyui isn't telling him everything, but he also knows that Hyui won't tell him more, not today.

IV

1:39am

The fourth time it happens is arguably the worst one.

Tomoya would like to argue that Nexz have had a pretty flawless run up to now. No awkward stage malfunctions, no controversies, no dating scandals. And dare he say that every time they went viral, it was organic and deserved.

Okay, maybe a few of the clips that went viral were just Yu's awesome visuals or his members being a bit too touchy, but that doesn't matter.

So yeah, a good and healthy run. He's glad about it, too, and really proud of his members. Tomoya likes to think that they were meant to be. How else would seven boys with such matching energies ever come together?

Matching energies that are still high at almost two a.m., even after hours of draining dance practice for their next comeback. He's currently resting on the practice room's couch, an empty water cup in his hand. The next comeback is just up ahead, and they've been practicing all day now.

He watches his members fool around for another minute or two, then claps his hands and stands up. He doesn't notice Hyui's swaying.

“All right, guys, let's run the choreography one more time. The dance needs to be perfect tomorrow if we want to move on.”

Everyone quickly gathers in the middle, and the song loops across the studio speakers. It goes well at first; everybody is in their positions and on time, not a beat missed.

By the second verse, when there's a lot of stepping around the member in the center, Tomoya bumps into Hyui, who's half a beat late. The blond sends him an apologetic look before twisting his body around to get past Seita, who's leaving the center right now.

Tomoya steps to the side and does his two crossed steps to the other side of the circle before he slides into the middle, doing the locking moves that he's been practicing relentlessly. He stretches his left arm to the side and rolls his body into the movement, locking his arm when he's halfway twisted, then, in the rest of the slide, drops his upper body to make Yuki, who's in the center after him, visible. Tomoya easily finds his spot back in the circle.

The dance goes really well until the end, where they form a small pyramid similar to the one in ‘Hard’ to lift Geon up for his high note. They slide together at the side while Seita and Hyui are rapping into an imaginary camera, and prepare for the lift. Seita and Hyui smoothly move over, moving just along the beat. 

Tomoya's heart swells with pride whenever he can clearly see the improvement his members have made with their dancing, and this choreo, albeit hard, really allows them to show off. Geon, in the meantime, leans against the others, singing into the mirror he's facing, before Yu sidesteps to let him slide behind them while Haru mouths his part up front.

Tomoya should've stopped the music when Hyui bumped into him then. It's not unusual for that to happen, especially with choreos where they stand so closely next to each other so often, but the way the boy slumps for a second should've made him suspect that he wasn't doing okay.

Instead, Tomoya kneels down, offering his knee for Geon right on beat. He grabs the younger's leg while he leans over to support himself on Hyui's shoulder with one hand while Yu and Yuki support him from the other side, and Seita and Haru stand in front to make a wave motion, perfectly synchronized.

Geon mouths his note before leaning forward, guided against Haru's and Seita's backs by Hyui and Yu. Yuki and Tomoya slide outwards, Tomoya krumping while Yuki leans into his own high note.

It shouldn't have happened. He should've noticed.

When Yu and Hyui drop backward while Geon lifts himself off of them to jump between Haru and Seita, Tomoya thinks Hyui is making a joke when he falls backward instead of just stumbling as he should've, according to the choreo. Yu seems to think the same cause he snorts and shuffles backwards, just continuing with the dance for a second.

Except Hyui doesn't get back up to move into his next position.

Tomoya stops mid-movement and suddenly feels cold. Everyone else also slows down.

“Hyui!” Yu, the closest to Hyui, is the first to break the silence and shake everyone else from their shock. Immediately, there's noise, and a lot of it. Even from Seita. And if Seita is adding to their usual noise, then it's really bad.

Tomoya can probably count on one hand the times he's moved faster than anyone could blink. Now, he isn't even sure if he blinked himself. One second, he's on the other side of the practice room, the next, he's by Hyui's side.

“Hyui-yah! Hyui! Hyui!” Tomoya places one hand on his cheek, and the other he uses to pull Hyui up. Or, he tries. Luckily for him, Yu and Haru are on either side of Hyui and help lift the blond's torso up so he can lean against Tomoya. “Hyui? Hyui, please, Hyui–”

“Tomoya.” He looks up after hearing his name, but it takes him a second to categorize the voice as Seita's. Seita, despite looking somewhat panicked, at least seems rational. Probably. Tomoya's vision is getting blurry right now; he can't quite tell. “Yuki is calling manager-hyung to come and help, it'll be okay, okay?”

Another presence appears beside him and carefully places a hand on his shoulder. Geon, Tomoya realizes once a calloused hand moves into his vision, holding a cool bottle of water. “Here, Hyui may need to drink.”

“Yes, you're right, thank you, Geonnie, thanks, yes, he needs water, he needs to–” 

“Tomoya,” That's Yu, “You're shaking. Let me.”

Oh, he didn't even realize he ripped the bottle from Geon's hand. The younger is behind Tomoya, one arm wrapped around his chest, the other gently patting Hyui's shoulder. 

“Moya-yah,” Haru worriedly leans closer to Tomoya, “Are you okay?”

“Why are you asking me that when Hyui is unconscious, and we need to–”

“‘Cause you're crying.” Tomoya lifts his head up to look at Yuki, his phone still open and showing the closed call with their manager. Tomoya sucks in a sharp breath and shakes his head with his eyes pressed close. Geon's arm around him tightens, and Tomoya leans slightly into the hug.

Yu, in the meantime, carefully taps Hyui's cheekbone. “Hyui? I can't give you any water while you're…”

Right.

“Somebody– Anybody, check his pulse, please, I can't– Check his pulse, please.” Tomoya whispers to no one in particular. Luckily, Seita, who's closest to Hyui's left wrist, instantly springs to action.

There are a few tense seconds that pass, everyone holding their breath while Seita lifts his fingers to the boy's wrists. He doesn't say anything, and Tomoya feels another wave of tears ready to flow, but then Seita quickly nods, “His pulse is fine. Must've been exhaustion.”

The countdown for their first win was less nerve-wracking than those seconds just now, and Tomoya gasps a relieved breath once Seita finishes speaking.

“What do we do until manager-hyung arrives?” Yuki asks, the steadiness of his voice not able to hide how he's shaking, nor the tension in his shoulders. Haru gently pulls their maknae closer, and though Yuki is usually not the biggest fan of skinship, he accepts and lets Haru pull him against his side.

“We can't do anything but basic first aid.” Seita shakes his head, and Yu nods.

“We need to get him into recovery position, just to be safe,” Yu begins, then shoots Tomoya an apologetic look, “You need to let go of him, Moya.”

Tomoya can't let go of Hyui. He's sure the ground will open beneath the blond and swallow him whole, and he'll never see him again, and he won't ever be able to tell him how grateful he is for his presence, and he would never see Hyui's beautiful, bright smile again and–

Somebody softly pulls him away from Hyui, so Tomoya just clings harder, his eyes pressing shut again. Maybe to avoid the tears. Maybe to not see everyone else's concerned looks.

Hands on his arms, and suddenly Hyui isn't in his hold anymore. Tomoya's eyes fly open, and he's face-to-face with Haru, who gently holds his arms away from Hyui, while Geon, behind him, pulls him backward.

“No, guys, wait, no! Hyui–! I can't, I need to be there, guys, please, what if–”

“Tomoya-yah!” Geon shouts from behind him, right into his ear. “It'll be okay, you need to calm down a bit.”

“Thanks, Geonnie.” Yu smiles faintly at Geon before he and the others start moving Hyui's body around. Barely two minutes have passed, but Tomoya can feel seconds bleed into hours nonetheless. 

Somebody needs to check his pulse again. What if Hyui needs something else? Was it really exhaustion? He should've realized when the boy was stumbling. What if Hyui doesn't wake up again? 

“Moya…,” Tomoya doesn't realize he's sobbing until Geon is wiping his tears all of a sudden, “I can see that you're overthinking. C'mon now, he'll wake up and be fine, okay? Don't blame yourself for this.”

But isn't it his fault? What if Hyui wakes up and realizes that? What if he wakes up and remembers that Tomoya didn't notice, and then he'll hate him and leave the group and never talk to Tomoya again? What if he wakes up and sees Tomoya all the way over here and thinks he didn't try to help, and then he'll hate him and never smile at him again, and then Tomoya will never get to tell him he loves him? What if Hyui wakes up and—

Wait.

What?

He loves Hyui?

…

Oh.

Ohhh.

Tomoya must stop crying so suddenly that it surprises Geon, because the boy shrieks when his leader lifts his head.

“Moya? Do you feel better now?” Geon places a hand on Tomoya's right arm, and Tomoya just nods slowly. It feels as if someone just lifted some sort of mental fog off of him.

“Yeah, I…sorry, I was just so shocked, I guess I needed a moment.”

“It's okay,” Geon pats his shoulder, “You're allowed to worry, y'know?”

Tomoya meets Geon's eyes, and for a second, it feels like he knows. As if everyone knows, even, and Tomoya's realization has just been announced to the whole world for everyone to digest his feelings. A silly thought, of course, Tomoya shakes his head and then looks at Hyui. Haru is struggling with adjusting his legs right now.

Clearly, Idol training needs to add a first aid course.

Geon and Tomoya shuffle over quietly.

“Where's Manager-hyung? Shouldn't he be here already?” Tomoya asks once he's seated behind Hyui's head, gaze not leaving the blond even as he tilts his head to Yuki.

Yuki shrugs, “He had a meeting outside of the company building, something with Republic Records.”

“At 2 a.m.?” Yu asks, and Tomoya thinks it's a valid question, but then again weren't they technically up at this hour too? 

Yuki nods, “Time zones I guess.”

“Yuki, America is dozens of hours behind us,” Seita shakes his head, “They wouldn't call for a meeting now. It's probably just a dragged out conference, and we luckily disrupted him. Let's hope it wasn't anything super important.”

“...disrupted who?” 

“Hyui!” Six voices immediately echo through the practice room. The blond blinks against the harsh lights, and Haru is on his feet in an instant, rushing to lower their brightness to where they can still see enough without it being pitch-black.

“What happened? Why's everyone gathered, why am I– huh?” Hyui startles when Tomoya pulls him into a tight hug. Feelings aside, he's so fucking glad that the other is awake again. He couldn't have imagined…

“You fainted,” Yu fills Hyui in while Tomoya is busy, “Probably overdid it. Here,” He hands him the bottle of water, and Hyui takes it without leaving Tomoya's grip, “You gave us all a heart attack.”

“I… I'm sorry, I–”

“Don't.” Tomoya hisses, and the acerbity in his voice must catch everyone off guard. Hyui flinches in his arms, but that just makes Tomoya pull him unbelievably closer, until he's flush against his chest and he can rest his face on the curve of Hyui's shoulder. He does that, for a moment, before he lifts his head just enough to look at Hyui with shameful eyes. “I should've noticed something was off. I'm sorry.”

“What are you even saying?” Hyui mumbles, avoiding eye contact.

“This wasn't on you Moya, it could've happened to anyone,” Yu shakes his head and rests a hand on the arm that's wrapped firmly around Hyui's chest, “You shouldn't burden yourself with this.”

“Yeah, don't blame this on yourself.” Seita agrees, shuffling a bit closer. Tomoya allows the younger to pull him into a side hug, but he doesn't let go of Hyui yet. Hyui willingly lets Tomoya haul him along. “You just want us to be at our best, and it's not your fault when we overdo it. You're our leader, but–”

“Exactly.” Tomoya interrupts, wriggling out of Seita's arms again. He squeezes Hyui's torso again and buries his face in his neck. “I shouldn't… It's my job to take care of you guys. I noticed you stumbled, Hyui, I should've realized something was off. I'm sorry, I'm so fucking sorry. This could have been avoided. Maybe if I had made sure you drank and ate enough today, or—”

“Moya…”

“—or if I had just not made you run through the whole thing despite struggling, then this wouldn't have happened. I'm an idiot, I'm so sorry.”

“Yes, you're an idiot.” Hyui mumbles in his arms and everyone stiffens, including Tomoya, but Hyui turns around, one knee settling between Tomoya's. Tomoya lets go of Hyui and folds his hands in his lap, suddenly hot and aware of their proximity. “You're an idiot for thinking you have to baby me —or any of us, for that matter— and for thinking that this is your fault.” Hyui wraps his fingers around Tomoya's hands and uses his free hand to lift the older's face. “You do so much already, and all of us are motivated by it. You never push me too much, and if you ever did you'd know ‘cause I'd tell you, Tomo. I'm thankful for the work you put into this, okay? Into us. So yeah, maybe I overdid it. Probably should've eaten that protein bar that Haru-hyung offered to me like two hours ago. That's my fault. You're burdened by so much already, so don't blame yourself for my mistake.”

Tomoya shivers under Hyui's intense gaze. They hold the loaded eye contact for another moment, then Hyui's eyes suddenly flick to Tomoya's cheeks. His red cheeks. Something flashes in Hyui’s eyes before they look at each other again. Tomoya turns his hand around to squeeze Hyui's fingers. 

“Thanks for caring so much, okay?”

“Okay,” Tomoya nods, slowly, then shoots forward to tackle Hyui in another hug. He wheezes when Tomoya wraps around him, and protests when the older begins tilting his face left and right to check for injuries. 

Tomoya could've forgotten about the others had he not suddenly met Yu's gaze over Hyui's shoulder. The oldest of Nexz has an eyebrow raised, but when Tomoya just shakes his head, barely noticeable, he gets the other members to stand back up again, which leaves Tomoya a blink of a moment to talk to Hyui without everyone's eyes on them.

“You're really okay?” He whispers, lifting Hyui's face with both hands.

“Yeah,” Hyui breathes, and Tomoya can smell his strawberry chapstick, which once more makes him acutely aware of their proximity. Not just that, but also the fact that he's basically pulled Hyui into his lap, the younger's right thigh resting against his own, the other leg resting wrapped around him, his face in his hands. They stare at each other for a beat, then Tomoya loses control of his stare and it snaps to Hyui's lips. It happens for half a second, but when Tomoya searches Hyui's eyes again, they just widen.

Hyui blinks rapidly, then scoots back. “Alright, I'm going to head back to the do–”

“Hyui-ssi!” The door flies open and in the doorframe stands no other than their manager, finally.

Tomoya remains seated. He feels like if he stood up now, he'd be the next one to faint. His heart is beating in his throat and his mouth is dry.

Fuck.

1:40pm

Surprisingly, Tomoya notices that he doesn't change at all. Sure, whatever happened during practice last night was weird and he may have stayed up all night mulling it over, but he finds he's absolutely normal around Hyui still.

At breakfast, their fingers brush when he hands Hyui a glass, and he doesn't react to it at all.

While filming some concept videos for their next album, he has to rest his head on Hyui's shoulder, and he doesn't mind it at all, he just teases the boy for his poking bones.

However, Hyui is acting weird.

Like, super weird. 

At breakfast, he averts his eyes after their fingers brush.

During filming, he stiffens when Tomoya lays his head down.

It's midday and they're on a short break between shoots when it bubbles over.

Tomoya is messing around with Yu, poking his ribs with a big grin as the older tries to get him off his lap. He's not really in his lap, just one leg above Yu's, but it's enough to be annoying, apparently. Obviously Yu could easily manhandle him away—and Tomoya wouldn't even complain.

“Moya, you're going to ruin my hair!” Yu wiggles away from Tomoya with a grin. Tomoya sticks his tongue out and follows the motion, one hand gripping the back of his chair to fully lean over Yu. That seems to do it. The older shoots up, one arm coming to snake around Tomoya's waist to pick him up. Tomoya yelps as Yu throws him over his shoulder.

“Yu!” Tomoya almost sounds like Geon, whining like this. Said boy is currently sleeping in Seita's lap, looking nothing like the menace he likes to be. 

Yu just pats Tomoya's butt. “Don't act like you didn't provoke this.”

Mercilessly, Tomoya gets dropped onto the only soft surface that seems to be around —their pile of jackets. Tomoya wails and reaches out with his arms for Yu to pick him back up, but Yu sticks his tongue out and turns back around. 

“Yuu!” Tomoya tries again, and Yu pauses his gait, “Come pick me back up, jagiya.” Tomoya really is only teasing. He doesn't notice Hyui entering the back area and stiffening.

Yu also doesn't notice. Maybe because he's too busy climbing on top of a complaining Tomoya, wiggling his fingers. Tomoya's eyes widen, “Yu, no, don't you dare, Yu, Yu–!”

His begging is fruitless, and Yu is merciless. Within ten seconds, Tomoya is reduced to a giggling, laughing mess, helplessly buried beneath Yu and some jacket that drapes onto him.

That's when he spots Hyui. The boy looks a bit pale, tense like he isn't comprehending what he's seeing. 

“Hyui!” Tomoya wheezes, only caring about the fact that Hyui could be his savior, “Help!”

Hyui shifts on his feet, and finally rushes toward the human torture device that is Tomiyasu Yu. The blond tries pulling him off for exactly a second, then seems to realize that Yu is really just playing it up (and also much stronger than him), so he decides to retaliate. Hyui's fingers find Yu's neck and he begins tickling the older there.

A beat later, Hyui is sprawled across Tomoya, courtesy of Yu, and suffering the same fate as he is. Tomoya, beneath him, squirms and wiggles backward until he's got Hyui in his lap. His knees find Hyui's sides and his arms wrap around his waist. 

“Go, my human shield!” 

Yu breaks into a laugh, finally stopping his relentless attacks. He's laughing so hard he has to hold his belly, keeling over with the force of his guffaw. At least one of them is having fun.

Hyui sits up in Tomoya's lap, and suddenly stiffens. His whole body goes rigid and Tomoya can even feel him jerk back slightly. 

“Hyui?” He asks, worried, because this isn't a common reaction at all. That seems to snap the younger out of it.

“Yes? Oh. Right. Sorry.” Hyui rushes the words out of his mouth while he gets up, stumbling to his feet. Tomoya watches as the blond hurries to get away from him, and feels his heart break a little.

Yu also notices, blinking in confusion when Hyui almost runs away. 

“What was that?”

“No idea.”

Actually, Tomoya has an idea. Just…surely that won't be?

They've been friends for years. Hyui can read him like a book, and vice versa. He can tell the difference in how hard the others eyebrows twitch, and translate his thoughts into words through it. If Hyui was a school subject, Tomoya would have straight (haha) one-hundreds. 

And yet, he's never seen this reaction. That sequence of words, spoken like he was worried he'd lose his voice. Hurrying to get away. That's not the Hyui Tomoya is used to.

Assuming the worst usually isn't Tomoya's thing. Confidence is his forte and he's been like that forever.

But what if? What if Hyui realized something yesterday and now he dislikes Tomoya for it? Tomoya never told Hyui that he's bisexual, could that be the issue? What if Hyui is…?

No.

Tomoya blinks away the tears forming in the corners of his eyes.

There's probably a better explanation for this.

Probably.

(Hopefully. Tomoya doesn't think he can live without Hyui by his side.)

V

1:41am

The JYP Entertainment building's rooftop is the perfect place to come when you want to watch the stars and just think.

It's no wonder that Tomoya loves coming here to think. Hyui and he have been coming up here for ages whenever trainee life got too much. After debuting, there's been a lot less stargazing in their life.

Of course, the final time it happens, it'd happen here.

Practice has been rough. Everyone must've noticed that the air between them was weird, thus practice was done early today. Tomoya had just done a single more run-through of the choreography for their last b-side, simply to check the details.

His brain had been so full that he couldn't concentrate, and now he's here once more, after months of not being on the rooftop. The air is still the same. That one broken table still hasn't been fixed. The bench close to the fence that he remembers laughing on, crying on, spilling his worries out to Hyui on, still stands where it always stood; far left corner, hidden from the entrance. When it's dark you won't know it's here unless you, well, know about it.

He's really just sitting. Not even thinking, that'd be an exaggeration. He's….dreaming.

Dreaming of a life where he doesn't have to be afraid of his own feelings, maybe. Wouldn't that be kind? Tomoya watches a star sparkle back in response to his question, and he laughs. A hollow harmony into the empty night where no one can hear the underlying sound of his heart breaking. 

Tomoya pulls his legs up and hugs them, watching the stars pass by. It's quite pathetic how big his feelings feel in this tiny world somewhere in the universe, isn't it? And besides, he's probably worrying for no reason. It's not like he'll ever tell Hyui the truth. 

And yet, his heart feels heavy, as if he already told Hyui. Like he's been rejected already. Heartbroken over a love that was never his to feel. 

This must be what people call an existential crisis. He wonders how many woes and worries the stars must have heard before. He knows for sure they never heard ones like his. After all, there has never been a Hyui like his Hyui before.

Speak of the devil and he appears. The door to the rooftop opens and there's immediate steps headed into his direction. No hesitation. Tomoya quickly wipes at his eyes that got a little wet from all the staring.

Hyui sinks onto the bench next to him quietly and bumps their shoulders. “You weren't showing up back at the dorm and we got worried. Yu-hyung said you weren't in the practice rooms, so I told them I knew where you were. They're back at the dorms now. All of them. Yu is cooking something. If you're hungry. Told them you might be.”

“A bit,” Tomoya doesn't look at Hyui, just keeps staring at the stars. He wonders what they're wishing he'd say right now, but surely it isn't, “The choreo is fine. Geonie was tense today and Seita offered a massage, did you notice? I wonder what's going on there.”

“Is… Is that why you're up here?” Tomoya can feel Hyui's gaze burning a pattern onto his cheek.

He turns to look at Hyui. “Do you think that's why I'm here?”

“I don't know,” Hyui shrugs, “Is it?”

“Not really. Had some feelings to sort out.”

“I see.” Hyui leans back, against the station where the bench is placed in front, hands coming to rest on each of his sides. Tomoya copies the movement, his right hand landing close to Hyui's left. 

Silence.

Tomoya thinks the comfortable silence they can share is one of the reasons he likes Hyui so much, one of the reasons he ended up falling. He wonders when it happened. If his heart decided to love Hyui in a moment like this, a silent one, where neither of them need to talk to understand another, where they know what the other needs like they're nothing but a reflection of each other. 

Or if it happened in a loud moment.

He kinda thinks it must've been. They've always been loud together, their relationship consisting of banter and teasing and unserious insults. 

Tomoya honestly can't pick a single moment.

“What time is it?”

“1:41am, don't worry. If we hit the 2am mark up here without me telling the others, or at least Yu, that I found you, they might get worried.”

“So I have nineteen minutes to collect my thoughts and make up an excuse?” Tomoya turns his head to Hyui, grinning.

“No,” Hyui shakes his head, “You have as much time as you need. And also,” Hyui looks at the stars. They reflect like liquid silver in his eyes. Tomoya wonders why he never noticed this pool of twinkles in his eyes. “You don't need an excuse. You're the leader, but you can talk to us.”

“I…know.”

“Act on it.” Hyui's voice is firm and leaves no room for arguments.

But who is Tomoya if he doesn't argue with Hyui?

“I'm the foundation Nexz stands on. If I crumble, we do, and I don't want that, Hyui. I need to suck it up so you guys can be as free as possible in our industry.”

Hyui doesn't reply for a while, and Tomoya gets worried he made him mad, when, finally, “That's stupid. You're stupid.”

Tomoya wants to retaliate, but then there's a finger sliding across his, then another, and suddenly, he's holding hands with Hyui.

…

Holy fucking shit.

Tomoya takes a breath that he hopes is neither loud nor obviously unsteady and risks a glance at Hyui. The latter is calm, gaze fixed above to the stars.

“If you think we'd let you shoulder everything, you're wrong. If you think I'd let you and your stupid brain worry on your own, you're stupid.”

“You're repeating yourself.”

“Don't try to distract me,” Hyui squeezes his hand and Tomoya fights off a shiver, “You always do this. Whenever there's a tiny mishap, you take it, chain yourself to it, and try to make the jump with its weight dragging you down. Somehow, you've made it. But it can be so much easier.” Hyui shifts and finally looks away from the stars, right into Tomoya's eyes and into his soul. “If you'd for once share what's weighing on your heart, you might find the answer is so much closer than you think.”

There it is again.

That searching look on Hyui's face. Scanning. Every twitch of Tomoya's face muscles under strict supervision. Tomoya gulps.

“I…know. And I'm thankful for you guys, I am. I want this to work, I want Nexz to last. I want us to stay together forever, just like we promised. I have a lot to learn too. But– But I do trust you, all of you.”

Hyui deflates. Not visibly, at least nothing to anyone but Tomoya. But he sees the way the boy's eyebrows lower a modicum, the way his shoulders tense under his pink hoodie.

“So come back to the dorm?”

“Okay.”

When they stand up, Hyui lets go of his hand. Tomoya kinda wishes he didn't.

Because he still wants a point of contact, Tomoya bumps shoulders with Hyui on the way back to the rooftops door, and stays connected, angling his torso until he can rest his chin on Hyui's shoulder and speak right into his ear.

“So, what do you think is going on between Geonnie and Seita?” 

Hyui's tenses. Fully, so much so that Tomoya can vividly feel the muscles in the slope of his neck tighten, can see how his jaw clenches. His grip on the door handle falters and he rests his fingers there for a breath, unmoving.

“Nothing.” Hyui settles on. Too quick, almost forced out. 

Tomoya wonders if the way his heart drops is visible on his face. He's been assuming –casting nightmares upon himself, really– that Hyui might simply not see him that way, hence his strange behavior toward Tomoya. He never even considered another option.

But what if…?

No, surely not.

Right?

Hyui wouldn't be…homophobic? Tomoya feels cold all at once. He stares at Hyui's back as it moves away from him, toward the staircase, ears burning red. Surely not from indignation? 

Surely not.

Tomoya follows much slower, barely able to focus on the way back. Maybe Hyui is right, maybe he does chain himself to his worries too much and that's why his body feels so ice-cold that he can't even walk quickly right now.

1:42pm

“Moya-yah?”

Tomoya has come up with the perfect plan: If Hyui can't stand to be around him right now, then he won't force him to. Technically, they have a day packed with dance practice and a challenge for short-form to film today, and then Korean classes by evening.

Pretending he's sick was his best shot to get out of that this morning. He had played it up well, complained about a serious stomach ache and even made sure to spend extra time in the bathroom this morning. The others don't know that he put some especially dark under-eye shadow on while he was in there — subtle enough to not be called out for being makeup, but evident enough to be noticed.

He's spent an extra hour in bed after the others left, just to make sure he looked extra puffy, then got up and grabbed his laptop.

After all, he promised the manager-nims that he'd edit one of their vlogs today. Hyui had glanced at him worriedly when he heard him say that, eyes flitting from Tomoya's face to his phone. Of course, he hadn't been able to get any words out on his own. 

At least not until he had to say goodbye at the door.

“Be okay please.” Hyui had said.

“Of course.” Tomoya had replied.

Now he's sitting cross-legged on the carpet in their living room, headphones in, editing away furiously. He hates being sick for real, but not even being sick, except maybe the tiniest stomachache that is screaming a certain boy's name, means he has all the energy and none of the places to put it.

It's not even two when the front door opens. Hyui appears no twenty seconds later, worried eyes finding Tomoya on the carpet, who greets him with an absent wave.

“Moya-yah?” 

Tomoya takes his headphones out and waves Hyui over, who shakes his head.

“I'm just taking a break, I don't have a lot of time. Had a bad feeling about leaving you all alone.”

To say Tomoya is confused about that would be an understatement.

“Sweet,” He replies, then turns his laptop around, “Wanna watch what I have up to now?”

Hyui nods, walks over to him, but hesitates. The boy hovers, a mix of concern and uncertainty on his face, then tilts his head, “Shouldn't you be resting?”

“I am!” Tomoya exclaims, gesturing to the way he has a blanket wrapped around his legs and the empty teacup on the coffee table. “Didn't physically exert myself at all today.”

“Still,” Hyui slowly sits down next to Tomoya, keeping a distance that feels almost palpable, “You should be careful. We need you, y'know?”

“I know.”

They stare at each other for a long, drawn-out moment, then Hyui gestures to Tomoya's laptop.

“Show me.”

So Tomoya shows him the vlog, and Hyui says it's good despite it definitely not being one of Tomoya's favorites. By the time the blond had to leave, he told Tomoya about how important he is to the team directly and indirectly at least two dozen times.

But he also seems to have caught onto Tomoya not being sick, judging from the look on his face when Tomoya got up to rush to the toilet the fourth time. 

Tomoya wishes he could worry about the twitch of Hyui's eyebrows when he said he felt better, the way he glanced at his hand on his stomach. 

All he really worries about is what he did wrong to make Hyui enforce physical distance between them despite clearly being unhappy with it himself. 

He sinks onto the couch with Hyui's thinly veiled concern that later turned to suspicion on his mind, and regrets not keeping him here longer. Not telling him the truth when he had the chance.

Then again, what if Hyui is disgusted? What if he did something wrong by being himself? By loving? What if he wasn't suspicious of Tomoya's state, but of his fucking feelings?

Tomoya presses the heels of his hands to his eyes and sucks in a sharp breath.

He's so doomed, but at least that'll make him look miserable enough for his act to be believed by the other members once they return from practice.

+I 

1:43am

“Tomoya.”

Tomoya stiffens. He hates that tone. That serious tone, the one Hyui puts on when he's either genuinely angry with him, or when he's about to bait Tomoya by saying something stupid with too much confidence.

“You're home early…” 

Slowly, Tomoya turns around, adding a cough for dramatic flair because if he's already playing sick, he can at least lean into it.

“I know you're not sick.” Hyui grumbles, before crouching in front of Tomoya's bed with a small package in hand. “Still, here.”

Surprisingly, Hyui doesn't seem to be mad at him. Actually, there's not really any emotion on his face right now. Tomoya slowly takes the package, his finger brushing Hyui's. He immediately pulls them away and Tomoya's heart breaks a little more. 

The package is light, wrapped in bright pink wrapping paper, and Hyui seems quite nervous about it. Tomoya stares at the paper for a long moment before unwrapping it.

It's a chapstick, three bags of Hyui's favorite tea and a small penguin keychain. The penguin is holding a heart.

“What…what is this for?”

“I'm sorry for being so weird the past few days,” Hyui grabs the corner of Tomoya's blanket and fidgets around with it, “And it's also a truth.”

“A truth?”

Hyui takes a deep breath, and the dorm suddenly feels too small for all of Tomoya's feelings. He's been dreading this. Hyui telling him off, telling him that he needs to be less touchy, less annoying, telling him that he needs space. 

“I like you.”

“Well, I like you too,” Tomoya huffs, nervously putting the package beside him, “You're my best friend Hyui.”

Please don't tell me to back off goes unsaid. Tomoya can't bring himself to say that much yet.

“No, Tomoya, I– Ugh.” Hyui groans, and drops the blanket to rest his hands on the mattress instead, now meeting his eyes. His ears are burning red, but Tomoya knows not to put any weight into that unless he wants to get his heart broken even more. “I like you in a ‘I wanna kiss you’ kinda way.” 

Tomoya blanks.

“Because you've never kissed anyone before and view me as a trustworthy friend whom you can practice kissing with?”

“What?” Hyui blinks, blinks again, then shakes his head with increased annoyance. Tomoya doesn't know what he did wrong, because surely Hyui doesn't mean that— 

“No, Tomoya,” Hyui straightens in a flash and drops onto the bed in front of him, one knee pressing against Tomoya's thigh, his hands gripping Tomoya's own. “Because I wanna make out with you until we're both breathless because you're the most gorgeous person inside and outside that I've ever met. You take my breath away just by existing all the time already anyway and the things you've been doing the past days have been causing me to realize how bad I need you.”

“I– wow.”  Tomoya breathes. He wants to say so much but it's like there's a fuzzy cloud in his head right now, and all he can focus on are Hyui's hands in his and the spot where Hyui's knee is pressing against his thigh. “Thank you?”

Wow, Tomoya, if Hyui didn't hate him before he sure does now. They stare at each other for a moment, Hyui seems to be searching for something on Tomoya's face 

“Thank me?”

“I'm–” Tomoya begins, but he can't articulate anything right now, at least nothing that'd make sense. Hyui's hands in his are too warm and his knee is still there, at his thigh.

His gaze flits to Hyui's lips and then back to his eyes, only to find the other staring at his own lips. Tomoya gulps. Hyui looks back up, and they stare at each other for the second time.

“Moya,” Hyui begins again, “Can–...?”

“Yes,” Tomoya breathes, desperate, “Yes, please.”

Hyui shoots forward and connects their lips, effectively answering Tomoya's desperation. Just like that, the world is forgotten, every sense of Tomoya's zeroing in on the feel of Hyui, Hyui's lips on his own, his hands fisting Tomoya's shirt like a man starved. 

See, he's seeing nothing because he closed his eyes the moment they connected. Hear, he's hearing soft sounds coming from Hyui and lord if it isn't the most beautiful cacophony of breathy noises that Tomoya ever heard. Taste, he's tasting Hyui's favorite strawberry chapstick on his own lips right now, but he's sure Hyui would be just this sweet even without it. Smell, he's smelling Hyui's vanilla shampoo and the scent of fresh clothes with just a hint of Hyui's natural scent. Feel, he's feeling a lot right now. 

Feeling his thumb caressing Hyui's cheekbone. Feeling Hyui's left hand entangle in his hair, his right hand coming to rest on Tomoya's thigh, which is kinda driving him crazy. Feeling blood rushing to both his cheeks and downward. Feeling Hyui move against his lips. Feeling himself being so attracted to the boy he's sure he'll explode any moment now.

Hyui softly whimpers into one movement and that does it for Tomoya; he pulls the blond unbelievably close, hands fisted in his shirt, until he's half atop him, then slides his hands beneath his shirt to rest on Hyui's lower back. Hyui breaks the kiss to give Tomoya the chance to move freely, and Tomoya stares up at Hyui as he's leaning over him.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Being the smiley boy he is, Hyui breaks into a giggle, and Tomoya can't help but quietly laugh along. He's so gone for Hyui it's insane. His fingers spread on the younger's back and press into the slight curve he's got going, so Hyui finally leans down again, one hand on Tomoya's cheek, while he's playing with the baby hairs on his neck.

“So, kissing, right?”

“Right,” Tomoya nods, “I'd appreciate more kissing, actually.” 

Hyui grins, “Don't need to tell me twice,” he breathes against Tomoya's lips, leaning down, and then they're kissing again. Bolder, wilder, definitely more desperate. 

It's not until Tomoya opens his mouth and flicks his tongue out that Hyui finally speeds up his kissing a bit more. Their tongues fight for dominance in their mouths for a moment, but then Hyui cheats by pressing his hand down into Tomoya's neck and it's all over. Tomoya moans into Hyui's mouth, whiny, and the boy snags his chance and forces Tomoya to let him lead.

There haven't been many kisses in Tomoya's life, but he's sure kissing usually is a bit calmer. This is full-on making out and it's unraveling Tomoya inside out. Hyui presses his tongue onto Tomoya's in the same moment that he presses his thumb down behind his ear and Tomoya almost melts beneath him. Hyui just giggles into the kiss, somehow much more stable than Tomoya. 

Where did he learn to kiss like this?

Hyui leans in again, straddling his lap fully by now. Tomoya shifts up slightly, and the, albeit involuntary, friction between their hips makes both of them shiver.

Tomoya needs to catch his breath but he also needs more, more, more. All he can get and even more, because he's greedy and the object of his greed is the boy in his lap.

It's Hyui's turn to shift, aiming to find a more comfortable position, Tomoya assumes, and the friction makes him whimper. He just knows Hyui is grinning above him, even in the dark.

A hand finds his shirt, just the hem of it, and wanders below, splays on his stomach, nothing but a hot point of connection. Tomoya can't take it, he breaks the kiss. There's fear in Hyui's eyes for half a second before Tomoya's target changes.

He never got what people loved about necks so much, until now. Tomoya is trailing his kisses along the line of Hyui's jugular, each a bit firmer than the last, each enticing a new sound to the melody Hyui's mouth is making right now.

Below his jaw, Tomoya stops, the hand on Hyui's back wrapping to the front until it reaches his hip, the other fisting his hair. Hyui lets it happen, lets Tomoya tilt his head slightly, just enough to suck a very faint hickey into the skin behind Hyui's ear.

He hates how little he gets to have, so he takes everything he can get, nibbling on Hyui's skin just where his neck curves into his shoulders and shirts can hide any marks. Hyui seems to sense it, because he leans his head back. 

“You smell so good.” 

Hyui makes an uncertain noise above Tomoya, which makes him look up curiously. Out of all the things that could've gotten him flushed red, it's that? A compliment? Tomoya grins, but schools it back in quickly.

“That's just your thinking. I probably smell like sweat.”

“Hm, nah,” Tomoya wraps his arms around Hyui's waist and pulls him closer, until he can press his face into the boy's chest, “You smell like strawberries. I've always thought so.”

“You did?” Hyui's voice is quiet, unsure almost as his hands slowly find their way to thread into Tomoya's hair, gently ruffling the black strands before patting them down again. A nervous habit. 

“Yes.” Tomoya says, firmly. Seems like he got his words back, finally. “You smell like strawberries because of that chapstick that you always use. Your mango shampoo tries to override it sometimes, but strawberry always wins. It's so strong I can taste it on your lips. Your skin tastes like addiction.”

Hyui shivers in his arms, squirming, trying to hide from Tomoya's gaze, but Tomoya is far from done.

“I could name a thousand things I like about you and be far from done–”

“Do it.” There's that competitive spirit that's always between them, the fierce banter that is as ruthless as it is because they know each other better than anyone else, equal time spent mapping the other's personality out. Hyui is underestimating Tomoya. Teasing him for his bold words even.

But Tomoya never backs down from a challenge.

“I like your eyes. I like how attentive you are. I like how long I've known you. I like that you openly show your love for things. I like that you can never stop smiling. I like that, when I tease you, you always fold so easily and try to act all annoyed but your smile reveals how much you really like it. I like that you're so open about how different you act on stage. I like how you act on stage, all fierce, as if you've got half a dozen years of experience. I like your smile. I really like your smile, actually, I love how–”

Hyui, who grew redder with every word Tomoya said, head lowering as if he could hide the blush, pulls Tomoya in by the collar so suddenly that he yelps when their lips clash.

This kiss is different again. A million unspoken words on Hyui's lips, feelings that could never possibly be spoken. Tomoya melts into the kiss, his hands coming up to Hyui's chin, hauling him closer until their bodies press against each other, not a breath of space between them. 

“I don't,” Hyui pants into the kiss before biting Tomoya's lower lip, breathless, “I don't fold–” He shifts, his weight wandering to his left side, and sucks on Tomoya's tongue for a moment, “–easily. You're just,” Hyui tugs at Tomoya's hips with one hand and Tomoya, thunderstruck from the sensations, goes willingly, “,annoying.”

“Not annoying enough for you not to kiss me.” 

Hyui presses another kiss to his lips, quicker this time. “Annoying,” He grumbles against Tomoya's cupid's bow. 

Tomoya belatedly realizes their changed positions, Hyui now below him. And he doesn't miss a beat, the trajectory of his kisses changing just as surprisingly as their positions. He trails kisses down Hyui's neck. Hyui beneath him whimpers at that, their conversation clearly forgotten. Tomoya's hands drag across his arms, fingers following the lines of his veins until he has both of Hyui's hands in his, holding them an inch above his head.

Tongues, Tomoya quickly learns, can do magical things. He flicks it out once, testing, against Hyui's collarbone where it's peaking out beneath his skin, and the boy beneath him whimpers again, louder this time. Then he lets his tongue map out Hyui's neck, licking and gently sucking on where his jugular is especially potent. Hyui beneath him whimpers, bearing his neck. 

Even better than tongues, apparently, are teeth. Tomoya scrapes his teeth against Hyui's collarbone teasingly and finally entices a moan from the younger. Hyui blinks his eyes open, mouth agape, and his face flushes. 

Tomoya smiles warmly when he realizes that he's embarrassed and leans in for a quick, maybe soothing, kiss against his jaw. “Don't shut up, you sound beautiful.”

Hyui's eyes widen further before he shakes his head, trying to hide his embarrassment. Tomoya can't have that, so he inches forward and lets go of Hyui's hands to hold his face still instead.

“Yes you do.” A kiss to Hyui's lips. “You sound really good.” A kiss to his left cheek. “I love these sounds.” A kiss to the first mole under his right eye. “Keep ‘em coming.” A kiss to the other mole. “Don't be shy.” 

Hyui whines beneath him, a complaint. Tomoya sticks his tongue out, and that seems to do it. Hyui's freed hands shoot up, grabbing him by the hips, and he throws Tomoya off of him to straddle his lap again instead. Tomoya makes an unidentifiable sound, and then there's hands on his stomach and lips on his neck.

Not through the fabric of his T-shirt, but beneath. Hyui is pushing his T-shirt up while attaching himself to Tomoya's neck, and Tomoya suddenly becomes aware of how sensitive he is when Hyui's fingers barely touch his nipples and he whimpers.

Hyui pauses his endeavors and sits up a bit, his eyes narrowing. Then, carefully but not hesitating, he runs his hands over Tomoya's chest again and the older can't help but squirm beneath him from the touch to his sensitive nipples.

Tomoya really tries to swallow his moans when Hyui rests two fingers on each of them and kisses his neck again, now definitely leaving at least faint marks — and why is that so hot? Tomoya swallows another moan when Hyui adds pressure to his fingers.

“Don't be shy, beautiful.” A sudden voice against his ear, Hyui's breath hot against his skin. Tomoya releases a high-pitched whine somewhere from the back of his throat, a sound he never even realized he could make. Hyui grins above him and Tomoya wants to retaliate, but then Hyui grabs the hem of his T-shirt and tries to pull it off fully. Tomoya ends up having to lift his torso slightly to help.

He definitely feels way more exposed now. Especially because Hyui is formally eating him up with his eyes.

“This is nothing you haven't seen before…” Tomoya's arms begin to wrap around his torso, trying to hide, but Hyui grabs his wrists and places his hands beside his head, then his own hands on Tomoya's side, each thumb caressing Tomoya's skin.

“It's never been like this before,” Hyui leans down to press soft kisses to the space between Tomoya's pecs, “This is better.”

"Really?"

Hyui pauses and looks up at Tomoya. “You're still asking?”

Tomoya shrugs, his hands finding Hyui's thighs, mindlessly running them up and down there, “I don't know. I thought– You reacted so weirdly when I was talking about Seita and Geon last night, so I figured…It's stupid.”

“Yeah, Tomoya, I was weird because you seemingly were able to clock everyone but yourself,” Hyui groans and drops his forehead to Tomoya's chest, “You've been so touchy and feely these past few days that I thought you might've…realized? I guess. And then you go ahead and ask me about them and you look at my lips and just– don't do anything. I was panicking because I thought you were going to kiss me and I wasn't ready and then you did nothing.”

“Oh.” Tomoya blinks. Then, slowly, he cradles Hyui's face in his hands. “Is this nothing still?” Before Hyui can reply (which he definitely would've), Tomoya pulls Hyui in for a kiss much softer than all the others tonight. He moves slowly against the blond's lips, adding just enough pressure into every movement, every bite, lets his tongue caress Hyui's in gentle flicks rather than hungry motions. Hyui goes pliant above him, kissing him back with the same softness. 

Tomoya's heart squeezes almost painfully in his chest, but Hyui tastes too good to stop. Like strawberries, tea, fantasies and all of Tomoya's dreams. And the sounds, god, the soft breaths, the mixed noise of their throats pushing out gasps here and there, it's music to Tomoya's ears. He gets why people write so many songs about kissing now.

Hyui's hands slowly find Tomoya's jaw too, holding him. They break apart after an eternity, and the younger lets his forehead rest against Tomoya's for a second before he begins trailing kisses downward again, until he finds a comfortable spot at the back of his trapezius to suck onto. Tomoya moans quietly when Hyui's tongue flicks out against the sensitive skin there, his hands finding Hyui's hair to anchor themselves to.

Suddenly, the feeling of the fabric of Hyui's shirt is too annoying for him. Hyui, hunched over his neck still, doesn't acknowledge one hand leaving his hair. Only when one of Tomoya's hands trails below his shirt and starts tugging it up does he realize. He lets go of the spot on Tomoya's skin, a thin thread of saliva following him for a movement.

“Wait, let me–” He grabs Tomoya's hands and leads him into taking his shirt off. The moment suddenly feels laden with more and hotter tension. They toss the shirt to the side carelessly and simply…stare. Tomoya almost shivers.

There's been desire this whole time. To ignore the aching truth against the fabric of his pants would be stupid, and frankly, futile, with how obvious he is. Hyui isn't faring any better though. And above that, every shift has the other very much feeling it. 

Hyui slowly allows his hands to travel downward, meanwhile Tomoya is still very much drinking him in. He knew Hyui had gotten fitter. Hell, he's seen this before, even more. And yet, what Hyui said is so true. It's different like this, with the feeling of Hyui's lips still everywhere on his neck, the artist of the colors probably blooming on his shoulder right now in his lap.

Hyui leans down again, and Tomoya meets him halfway this time, one hand on Hyui's cheekbone, his thumb caressing the younger's cheekbones, while the other finds stay on his wrist, very subtly pushing him further.

Hyui pauses at the waistband of Tomoya's joggers.

“Tomoya–”

The front door opens. 

The others, back from dance practice, Haru probably having to drag half of them inside due to their exhaustion.

They have approximately twenty seconds.

Hyui yelps and Tomoya squeaks. It's not about the members knowing, rather their very indignant state. Tomoya sits up so quickly he crashes against Hyui's chest, Hyui trying to escape just at the same time. He wraps an arm around his waist to support the blond, and Hyui hisses when he tries to stand up and bumps against the coffee table, falling right back.

Tomoya grabs one of the shirts from the floor and forces himself into it with one hand while trying to hand Hyui the other.

Of course, he grabbed Hyui's.

They look disheveled at best and absolutely wrecked in truth.

The light in the main entrance's hallway turns on, and somebody rushes into the living room just as Tomoya pulls his blanket into his lap. Hyui opts for a pillow.

The light in the living room turns on. Yuki and Haru. 

Yuki isn't looking at them, but Haru sure is. While the maknae rushes to the kitchen, probably to grab something to drink, Haru just…stares. Behind him, Geon squeaks loudly and Seita and Yu laugh.

Haru's gaze flicks from their faces, to the fabric each of them have in their lap, to the shirts they're wearing, back to their faces, and Tomoya can see realization hit him. Hyui beside him makes a defeated sound. Haru meets Tomoya's eyes and mouths ‘Busy?’, to which Tomoya flushes red and quickly shakes his head, waving him and the others inside. 

Luck is on their side today, though, because Haru claps his hands and shouts, “All right everyone, lets grab something to drink first.”, before stepping forward, somewhat hiding Tomoya and Hyui behind his figure while he waves for Yu, Geon and Seita to head to the kitchen too.

Tomoya flops right onto his back and breathes out loudly.

“Oh, Hyui!” That's Yu, “Is Tomoya okay?”

Tomoya closes his eyes, but feels Hyui shift on the bed, turning around to look at him.

“Yeah, he's much better!” Hyui almost sounds normal. 

“Did he infect you?”

Almost.

Hyui coughs awkwardly and the bed dips a bit more. “No, I just didn't drink enough today.”

There's commotion in the kitchen then and Tomoya opens his eyes again, meeting Hyui's pained gaze. But he's simply not going to deal with that. He opens his arms instead and raises his eyebrows. After a moment of hesitation, Hyui drops flat onto him and Tomoya wraps around him to get them to lay side by side, pulling his blanket up a bit.

“So…” Hyui begins, whispering as if the rest of the guys weren't talking loud enough to overshadow a plane engine right now.

“So?”

“What does this mean now?”

“It means you can sleep with me.”

“Pervert.” A half-hearted punch to his chest, and Tomoya snickers. “No, you know what I mean.”

“...” Tomoya remains silent for a while, studying Hyui's expression. It's soft. His lips are still red, so red and swollen and bothered that it's almost distracting. His hair is tousled, his eyes barely hiding the hunger he had earlier. Hunger for Tomoya. The thought makes him shiver. “What do you want it to mean?”

“Well…Us. More. I guess. We can't really– I guess what I'm saying is– Ugh.”

“You wanna be my boyfriend so bad.” Tomoya snickers. Hyui opens his mouth, ready to retaliate. Someone shoots in the kitchen. Tomoya glances up, but nobody, at least from those he can see from here, is paying attention to them. Tomoya grins and presses a quick kiss to Hyui's lips.

“Let me take you out first. I'll make it really romantic and sweet and then I'll ask you if I may be your boyfriend.”

Hyui blushes slightly.”That's cheesy.”

“You love it.” 

“I do,” Hyui whispers, one hand finding Tomoya's between their chests and intertwining their fingers, “Thanks, Tomoya.”

“Thank you, Yuhi, for giving me a chance.”

“Always,” Hyui twists his head to see whether anyone is watching, and when no one is, he presses his lips to Tomoya's in a chaste kiss, then cuddles up against him and closes his eyes. 

“Good Night, future-boyfriend.” Tomoya whispers against his temple. Hyui chuckles sleepily. 

“Good Night, beautiful.”