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LOCATION: Lesley and Maud’s lounge. Lesley is relaxing on the sofa opposite a brand new wall-mounted TV.
Maud enters, carrying two glasses of wine.
MAUD
What’s the film called?
LESLEY
Bad Angel.
LOCATION: The universe, before the beginning.
ANGEL 1
Um, but look, word to the wise-- I'd hate to see you getting into any trouble.
ANGEL 2
Mm. Thanks for your help. And thanks for your advice. I wouldn't worry though -- how
much trouble can I get into just for asking a few questions?
They part.
Angel transforms into Bad Angel.
BAD ANGEL
You’re about to find out, sunshine.
LOCATION: Heaven, at the end of the Great War.
Angels depart, leaving only General Aziraphale.
Wounded Angel attacks General Aziraphale, but collapses.
General Aziraphale ties a bandage on his wound.
Wounded Angel stares down at the ground, trembling.
General Aziraphale transforms into Bad Angel.
Bad Angel pushes Wounded Angel over the edge.
BAD ANGEL
Have a nice Fall.
LOCATION: Lesley and Sarah’s lounge. Lesley is relaxing on the sofa opposite a brand new wall-mounted TV.
Sarah enters. She holds a note out to Lesley.
The note says, ‘Maud, I love you.’
SARAH
Who’s Maud?
LOCATION: Land of Uz
Demon and Angel sit on stones beside the sea.
DEMON
Well, maybe I’ll see you around.
Demon walks off.
Angel watches him until he disappears from sight.
Angel transforms into Bad Angel.
Bad Angel finds Job, Sitiis and their three children.
With a wave of his hand, Bad Angel erases the children.
Bad Angel smiles at Sitis, placing his hand on her stomach.
BAD ANGEL
Congratulations. It’s sextuplets.
LOCATION: Golgotha
Demon and Bad Angel watch Jesus’ crucifixion.
Once Jesus is on the cross, another man is nailed up beside him.
DEMON
Who’s that guy?
BAD ANGEL
Name’s Adam. His lover, apparently.
Can’t have that sort of thing.
LOCATION: Edinburgh Cemetery
Demon grabs laudanum bottle.
Bad Angel snatches it out of his hand.
BAD ANGEL (TO ELSPETH)
Here. This’ll make you feel better.
LOCATION: Lesley and Maud’s lounge. It’s in a tenement, paint peeling off the walls.
LESLEY
I really like the reboot. More like real-life.
I feel ready to go back to my soul-crushing job.
LOCATION: St. James’ Park
Demon asks Angel for holy water.
Angel pats his pockets. Turns away.
Turns back as Bad Angel.
BAD ANGEL
Here you go.
Demon takes jar from the Bad Angel. The lid flies off.
Demon screams and dissolves into black goo.
BAD ANGEL
Oops.
LOCATION: London during the blitz
Bad Angel stops the bomb from hitting the church.
BAD ANGEL (TO NAZIS)
I’ll have the Agnes Nutter book in stock next week.
LOCATION: Windmill Theatre dressing room.
Demon pulls evidence photo out of envelope, hands it to Angel.
Bad Angel hands it back to Furfur.
LOCATION: The next morning, outside the bookshop.
A legion of demons haul Demon away.
BAD ANGEL
Bad luck, old chap.
Bad Angel goes back into bookshop, slamming door. Sets fire.
Bookshop burns to the ground.
LOCATION: Former convent, now Tadfield Manor
Angel and Demon walk through the halls.
DEMON
Well, they wanted real guns, so I gave them what they wanted.
ANGEL
They’re murdering each other.
DEMON
No, they aren’t. No one’s killing anyone.
They’re all having miraculous escapes.
BAD ANGEL
Let me fix that for you.
Screams and real gun shots come from outside building.
LOCATION: London street scene in the 1700s. Lesley and Maud are watching a Punch and Judy puppet show.
MAUD
Something feels wrong.
Like the world changed.
LESLEY
There’s one constant, Maud.
I love you.
MAUD
Oh, I love you, too, Tiger.
Lesley transforms into a tiger.
Screams as the tiger attacks everyone watching the show.
LOCATION: Soho street in modern London
Sandalphon punches Angel in the gut.
DIRECTOR
Cut!
Thanks, you two.
Now let’s try it for real.
Everyone! In position!
Sandalphon and Angel move behind the camera.
Bad Angel and Muriel stand on their marks.
DIRECTOR:
Action!
Muriel punches Bad Angel in the gut.
LOCATION: Bar
DEMON (SOBBING)
They killed my best friend.
LOCATION: Just outside the bar.
BAD ANGEL (TO HASTUR).
He’s in there.
LOCATION: Tadfield Airbase.
ANGEL (TO DEMON)
Well, that’s sorted.
Why don’t you find a bus to get us back to London?
I’ll just have a little chat with the boy.
I’ll catch you up in a minute.
Demon walks off.
Bad Angel approaches Boy Antichrist.
BAD ANGEL
Don’t worry about the whole thing falling apart.
That was part of the plan all along.
Gives us more time to prepare.
Boy Antichrist looks up at him.
BAD ANGEL
You were right about one thing.
He’s not your dad.
I’m your father.
I always have been.
LOCATION: On bus heading back to London.
ANGEL (TO DEMON)
See, the prophecy says ‘Choose your faces wisely.’
Which one do you want?
Angel holds up a clown mask and a tiger mask.
DEMON
Can’t stand clowns. I’ll take the other one.
LOCATION: Lesley and Maud’s lounge. The furniture is shabby. The wall-mounted TV is now an old black and white set.
MAUD
Les, the TV’s playing up again.
You’re better at fixing it than I am.
Lesley gets up and bangs the side of the TV.
It turns back into the wall-mounted unit.
LOCATION: Hell.
GRAND DUKE
We sentence you to death.
DEMON
Just let me put this on first.
Demon puts tiger mask on.
DEMON
All right. I’m ready.
Two Lesser Demons toss Demon into bathtub.
Demon screams. Bathtub churns.
LOCATION: Heaven.
GABRIEL
So, go ahead and die.
Angel steps into hellfire.
Bad Angel steps out.
Enter Metatron.
METATRON
Excellent.
Now, I’m pleased to announce we have our new Supreme Archangel.
GABRIEL
But I’m Supreme Archangel.
METATRON
Not anymore.
Guards, strip him – clothes, memory, everything.
Send him down the lift.
The humans will know what to do with him.
LOCATION: Bookshop
DEMON
Don’t bother.
Demon walks out the door.
BAD ANGEL
So long, sucker.
LOCATION: Bookshop, at the end of time
ANGEL
You’ll forgive me, won’t you?
I really need you to forgive me.
DEMON (RELUCTANTLY)
I forgive you.
ANGEL
You feel better now, don’t you?
DEMON
No.
(TO GOD) Erase it. All of it.
I wish it had never happened.
LOCATION: Heaven.
MURIEL
Does anyone know what happened to the Book of Life?
ALL
No, no.
Meeting ends. All walk out.
MICHAEL
Muriel, you’re doing a great job.
Michael gives the camera a big stage wink.
LOCATION: Bookshop
DEMON
Don’t bother.
Pauses at door.
DEMON
You know the bastard is just trying to split us up.
Angel looks pensive.
ANGEL
You may be right.
But what can I do?
He’ll destroy Lord knows how many humans if I don’t go.
And you.
I’d never forgive myself.
Head down, Angel walks out of the bookshop.
LOCATION: Heaven.
Muriel is questioning Michael.
MURIEL
Have you seen Uriel?
MICHAEL
Who’s Uriel?
LOCATION: Another part of Heaven.
URIEL vanishes.
LOCATION: Lesley’s lounge.
TV playing film, even though it’s unplugged.
Lesley takes his attention away from the screen.
He looks around. The room is empty.
He turns back to the film.
LOCATION: Bookshop
DEMON
Don’t bother.
ANGEL
Wait!
Demon stops.
ANGEL
He threatened me – us.
DEMON
Bastard!
Demon’s eyes narrow.
DEMON
I’ve got an idea.
LOCATION: A campfire in the midst of a city park.
Maud and Lesley sit on the ground with other people, all in ragged clothes.
Other people dressed in rags are performing a play.
The play finishes.
Applause.
MAUD (TO LESLEY)
So, they replaced Christianity with some kind of reincarnation.
But was it Hindu reincarnation or the Buddhist kind?
Lesley pulls out his phone. The screen is cracked.
LESLEY
Let me check.
Lesley scrolls for a second.
LESLEY
Not sure about the reincarnation part, but they’ve decided to make it into a series.
They’ll all be Greek gods.
Mount Olympus will be in the middle of Soho, disguised as a Greek restaurant.
LOCATION: The Eternal Flame
Bad Angel is hidden, watching from the sidelines.
Demon enters, with Angel.
Demon has stolen the Book of Life.
It is intact.
Demon and Angel sit by the fire.
Demon pulls out pages that say ‘God’ and ‘Devil’.
DEMON
We can get rid of these.
Demon tosses them into the fire.
Demon pulls out pages that say ‘Heaven’ and ‘Hell’.
Demon tosses them in the fire.
Angel takes the Book of Life in his hands.
He flips to the end.
ANGEL
Don’t forget this one.
Angel pulls out the last page.
It says ‘Good Omens Season 3 finale’.
DEMON
Right. Don’t need that either.
Demon tosses it in the fire.
Bad Angel vanishes.
LOCATION: Bookshop
DEMON
That probably wasn’t how an angel should be kissed.
ANGEL
Quite.
Angel gets mischievous smile.
ANGEL
You need a demonstration of the proper technique.
Angel kisses Demon.
Fade to black.