Archive of Our Own

Phainon never looked at his personal phone at work. Never. If someone needed to reach him, which never happened either, his loved ones had his work number, and only for emergencies. Yet, in the middle of the afternoon, he felt this urge, far too intense, to check. Just in case. Looking at his screen for a few seconds wouldn't cost him any time at work, and it would help him focus again more easily afterward, wouldn't it?

He only had one message, from someone who never contacted him, his sister-in-law, and that message triggered every alarm signal in his body.

"Call me as soon as you see this."

It was surely nothing. Maybe Mydei's phone was broken and he'd borrowed Castorice's. That had to be it. It could only be that. What else? It would be ridiculous to think it was anything else. It was impossible. Nothing could have happened to him. Impossible. Completely impossible. How could it have? He was strong, powerful, nothing could happen to him. Nothing at all. He had no right to get hurt… or worse. He had no right. Despite his attempts to reassure himself, the panic had risen steadily, over the time it took him to reach the outdoor courtyard, where he could make a phone call in peace. And hearing Castorice’s voice at the other end of the line after a single ring only made it rise further.

"What's going on? Please don't tell me that…
-We don't know. They took him, I don't think they'll kill him right away, but I have no proof.
- Who?
- We're looking into it, we're not sure of anything, except that it isn't Diamond, but I wanted to let you know."

Phainon didn't answer, forced into silence by a body that no longer quite responded to his commands. He took a few breaths, then briefly thanked Castorice and hung up. He needed to calm himself down, at least a little, before going back inside. Take a few minutes for himself, to avoid looking more than mildly worried, to avoid looking like he was in a full-blown panic. He couldn’t let his colleagues know how badly he was doing. He was the commissioner, he couldn't let it be known that his husband, whom they all adored so much, was in reality the godfather of one of the country's largest mafias.

He finally decided to go back inside, barely calmed down, but with the expression on his face far more under control. He immediately made his way toward one of his colleagues.

"Caelus, I need someone to open an investigation, for a disappearance. I can't do it myself.
- Of course, I'll take care of that, who… Oh."

When he had looked up at Phainon, he had seen him nervously turning his wedding ring around his finger, and he understood immediately. He smiled, in an attempt to comfort his superior, then placed a hand on his shoulder and asked him to follow him so they could be somewhere more private. It was there that Phainon began his story. The one about a Mydei who hadn't shown up to work that morning, who wasn't responding to his phone, which wasn't like him at all; no one could reach him, and that it was very strange.

Phainon felt terrible about lying so openly to someone in the police, but so many things in his life needed protection, and he knew he had no choice.

"Take some time off, while we find him, it's better if you stay away from all this. We'll do everything we can to find him, and contact you if we find anything."

They wouldn't be able to find anything. Phainon knew it. This kind of thing, settling scores, which he strongly suspected was what this was, the police almost never found a trace of. And when something was found… it was generally too late. He knew that if he wanted to find him alive, he would have to handle it himself.

Set his worry aside, deal with it later, and find him. Closing himself off from every form of emotion until his husband is standing in front of him again.

He nodded nonetheless, thanking Caelus with a very faint smile, and left for his own office. While he gathered his things, he copied all the information the police had on every gang and mafia in the region, everyone who could consider themselves Mydei’s enemies, onto a USB drive. The list was long, but he had to start somewhere. Before leaving, he told his deputy commissioner the reason for his uncharacteristically early departure and handed over him the reins of the precinct during his absence.

Without detour, he went home to their apartment, which suddenly seemed very empty. He had already found himself alone there before, besides, his dog even greeted him with joy, but this time, he knew Mydei wouldn't be coming home that evening. And that was a weight that was difficult to bear. But he had to, and without flinching. He pushed those thoughts out of his mind and walked toward his husband's office. He never went in there, except for a few seconds at most, and it gave him the feeling of violating his privacy, but it was likely essential. It didn't matter. Maybe if he didn't do it… That was why he was doing it. He had to.

Forcing himself to focus on the task turned out to be far more difficult than he had anticipated, but he did it anyway. The cup of coffee he had taken the time to prepare before sitting down to work tasted bland, flavourless. This tasted nothing like the cups Mydei made him when he worked this hard. And yet, they both made coffee the same way, since they liked it the same way. But the coffee his husband made had always been different, like he could literally put his love into it. This, was simply a cup of coffee. A black coffee. No sugar. No milk. No love. No flavour. Nothing but a cup of coffee. One that wasn't going to bring back the person he was looking for. Searching through the desk, he had found nothing at all, and so he decided to searchthe computer. The password, which he didn't actually know, came to him naturally. His name with their wedding date. A faint bitter laugh escaped his lips. He had the same password himself, but with Mydei’s name instead of his own. Of course. They had always been two sides of the same coin, and every passing day was proving it to him even more proved it a little more. Always opposites, yet always so similar at the same time.

On the computer, he found a few things of mild interest, but as he had suspected, Mydei didn't keep much at the apartment. He had gone through all of his belongings and his computer, which had taken hours, and when he finally looked up, he realised that night had fallen long ago. Hours had passed, and yet, he had found nothing. He felt useless, powerless from the apartment. So, while he was getting ready to take his husky outside, he picked up his phone again, ignoring all the supportive messages from his colleagues, found his conversation with Castorice then sent her a message.

"Are you sleeping?
- No, it's a bit of a mess here, we're looking for leads but it's complicated.
- Take me to your headquarters."

The previous reply had come fairly quickly, but this time, Castorice left Phainon without an answer for several minutes. He understood. It was an unusual request, one that could seem unreasonable. But there, in that office, he would get all the information he was looking for. Phainon finally gave up the hope of a reply and began typing a message to tell her to forget the idea, before running into her in the entrance hall of their building, visibly ready to call him, no doubt to be led up to their penthouse.

"Castorice? What are you doing here?
- You asked me to take you there, didn't you?
- I thought you'd at least take the time to think it over… or to reply."

Castorice rolled her eyes and told him to hurry up and bring his dog back upstairs so they could leave quickly. He didn't like leaving his dog alone, especially for an indefinite amount of time, but he told himself that it wouldn't be safe for him, even if he had been there several times before. He thought to bring the USB drive along that contained the police files, as well as his service weapon. Even if it was with intentions to help find one of their own, he was walking into enemy territory, and it would have been unwise not to bring anything to protect himself. He headed back down quickly to join his sister-in-law, and the two of them left toward the outskirts of the city. The journey began in silence, in a heavy atmosphere that Phainon had never been able to stand, which was why he spoke first.

"How can you be sure it isn't Diamond?
-He would have claimed it, and Dan Heng asked Aventurine, who seemed rather shocked to hear the news. He's a good actor, but I think he respects you too much to lie about something like this. I even think he'll do an investigation on his own. Obviously there's always a chance it could be them, but it's so slim that ruling them out seems logical.
-No, you're right, we need to focus elsewhere… Could you send someone over to check anyway, please?
-Please? That's a change from Mydei.
-Castorice…
-Ok, ok, sorry. I'll do it. We're here."

Phainon let out a faint sigh and stepped out of the car. He had always had a vague idea of where his husband's headquarters were, but finding himself standing in front of it was something else entirely. Even more than in his study, he had the feeling of violating his privacy, stepping onto ground that wasn't his, and he was almost ashamed of it. Almost, because what was at stake was Mydei’s safety, his life, and that was what mattered the most, much more than such insignificant emotions. He took a breath to give himself courage and followed Castorice inside. The place was calmer than he had imagined, no doubt because of the late hour. They made their way through most of the distance to the boss's office without crossing a soul, until a female voice rang out behind them, accompanied by the sound of a firearm’s safety being unlocked.

"What the hell is a cop doing here?
-Cipher, I strongly advise you not to do that, put your weapon away.
-Do you even know who this is, Castorice?
-Far better than you do, otherwise you wouldn't dare threaten him.
-He's not just any cop, he's the commissioner, and you're bringing him here? Like we don't have enough problems already, you idiot?!
-Cipher, he's close to the boss, he's here to help.”

Without losing his calm, Phainon tried to plead for himself.

“I know it seems weird, but she's telling the truth.
-You, shut your mouth if you don't want me to execute you faster.
-He's Mydei’s husband, Cipher. If you kill him, you won't just get away with only a slap on the wrists."

The silence that followed that statement felt both like half a second and like hours to Phainon, who had been entirely lost in the way to handle the situation. Of course, he should have drawn his own weapon and threatened her the same way she was doing to him, but he knew that would only have inflamed an already tense situation. Especially since he had recognised her, and the name Castorice had used confirmed what he had already strongly suspected: she was Mydei’s right hand. Getting her to hate him immediately, or even getting shot, would not have helped at all.

"You're lying.
-I was there at their wedding. They've been together since college.
-I want to find him. That's why I asked Castorice to bring me here.
-The boss isn't married.
-He is, he just doesn't say so. For security reasons.
-But…
-The only people who know are those who've known him since college, or even before that."

Phainon watched a multitude of different emotions pass across the young woman's face, once the denial had run its course. Sadness, anger, but above all, betrayal. At least she was sufficiently convinced, and enlightened, to put her weapon away, allowing Phainon to relax slightly.

"I'm glad you understand the situation. I would do anything to find him, but I don't know this side of him particularly well, we keep our professional lives separate from our private one. I would greatly appreciate it if you would agree to help me. I'm sure you know him very well, and I'll need someone like you to find whoever did this. By combining our respective knowledge, we'll find him in no time."

Flattery was something that almost always worked, especially with a charming smile and a sharp enough charm to cut the air. He knew his assets and, when necessary, used them without hesitation. She rolled her eyes, but his words had had the intended effect, as she gave a nod and crossed her arms over her chest.

"Don't think that because I'm letting you into our territory means you're welcome here. One wrong step and you're out.
-Of course, that's completely logical. After all, in his absence, you're the one running the place."

There wasn't a shred of mockery or sarcasm in his voice, he was being perfectly sincere. And yet she frowned.

"Is he making fun of me?
-If I have something to say, I say it openly. I mean what I just said. During my absence, it's my deputy commissioner who is in charge of the precinct, so it's perfectly logical that during Mydei’s absence, it’s his right hand who takes over. That's all.
-Oh. Okay.
-Castorice, you were showing me the way to his office I believe."

This conversation was going in circles, and he had the feeling of wasting precious time, so he cut it short. Castorice led him again to the office barely a few metres away, and he was finally able to sit down and exhale. His life had been a complete hell for the past few hours, so why was someone trying to make it worse. It was absurd. In a way, he knew why. He had no business being here. But they were his best chance to find him, and he refused to stay passive while his husband was enduring God-knows-what, God-knows-where. He simply wanted to scour every corner of this stupid city, but the most intelligent thing to do, for now, was to search his office and computer for any lead he might have left there.

"If I can be of any help, don't hesitate.
-We're here to help each other, Castorice. I just need us to do everything we can to find him. That's all that matters to me.
-I'll ask Dan Heng to prepare some coffee for everyone.
-… I'd prefer tea, if that's possible?"

Castorice gave a nod before disappearing. Phainon put the USB drive that contained the police files into the computer and began his search. But the deeply unfamiliar environment, mixed with his anxiety, didn’t leave him any chance to focus properly. Hours passed, without him finding anything more. Hours which he eventually used to tidy up Mydei’s office in his own way. He knew that when he came back, he would probably hate it, but tidying and cleaning had always been Phainon’s best way to focus. It helped him think, to see things from different angles. The look of surprise on Castorice and Cipher’s faces when they returned the next morning would have made him laugh under other circumstances, but for now, he was simply exhausted but couldn't afford to falter.

"I know, he's going to hate it. Anything new?
-Not really. They're good at not leaving traces. We don't even know why they did it.
-Even knowing why, would it really narrow down the list of suspects?
-No.
-Can I ask for your help with something? You're absolutely within your rights to refuse, I'm nobody to force you into anything.
-Ask anyway.
-Cipher, can you help me go through some files? Mydei trusts you, so I do too. These are police files, confidential. Please don't use them for anything other than finding your boss. It would compromise me, and I don't think he'd be very happy about that.
-If you think it can help, I suppose I have nothing better to do right now.
-Castorice, I know it's not what you were hoping for, but could you go out and feed my dog, or find someone to do it, please?
-Can I send March?
-You can send March, it won't do her any harm to get dragged around by a husky. Don't tell her I always run with him."

Phainon caught himself smiling slightly, slyly, something he hadn't done in over twenty-four hours. He handed Cipher the USB drive with the files he had taken from the police station and got back to work himself. He eventually stopped again, having managed to rule out a few possibilities that both Castorice and Cipher agreed on. It was little, but they were moving in the right direction, and that was already something. He took the opportunity to take a look at his phone and immediately felt overwhelmed by the number of messages he had received. First from his colleagues, who said they were doing everything possible to look for leads but had nothing yet, and also from several other people. Khaslana, his twin brother, worried about not having heard from him, to whom he briefly explained the situation without going into details about what he was doing. Aventurine, his childhood friend, who was in the underworld too, aware of the situation, and who was trying to make him laugh, while also telling him he was looking into it between two jobs. He had never liked Mydei, but Phainon knew he loved him a lot, and he didn't want to see him in pain, so he thanked him, sharing his own findings with him. There were also other people in his circle whom he didn't bother replying to before stepping out of the office he had occupied since early morning.

The building was far more lively than when he had arrived, which was hardly surprising. It was difficult for him to go unnoticed, though he tried anyway, and he made it all the way to the venue's bar without anyone saying a word to him. He had ended up there somewhat by accident, and it was, he thought, the best place he could have landed. It was run by a familiar face, which reassured him a little.

"Phainon ? What are you doing here?
-I need something to wake me up. Besides, if I stay in here too long, Cipher might kill me, and also I can't take his office anymore."

Dan Heng placed a sympathetic hand on Phainon’s shoulder while pouring him a drink, which he slid across the counter.

"Do you want to talk about it?
-I want to find him. That's all I want. Ever since Castorice called me, I feel like I can't breathe. But I need to keep my head on straight, otherwise…
-You're afraid of never seeing him again. You need to clear your head to think more effectively, and I'm sure you'll find the answer.
-I can't think about anything else. How could I?"

He didn't know if it was the drink Dan Heng had poured him, whose contents he didn't even know, though the alcohol in it seemed quite strong, or his conversation with him, but Phainon felt, as the minutes in that place passed, lighter. Dan Heng was the first person to truly listen to him, without softening the situation at the same time. It was with one weight fewer on his shoulders that Phainon eventually made his way back to the office. He had noticed the looks from nearly everyone he had passed by, but had chosen to ignore them. He had never hidden his identity from the public, and he was known in the criminal world, it was obvious people recognised him. But given Dan Heng’s nonchalance, they must have also gathered that he had his place there.

"Can you explain to me why I've had a good ten people come to me in a panic because the commissioner is in the headquarters and nobody's doing anything about it?"

Cipher had caught him off guard, barely had he opened the office door before she was practically shouting at him.

"Because the commissioner is in the headquarters, and nobody's doing anything about it? What do you want me to say? I'm not going to stay cooped up in here, I'll go mad. I can't help it if you're all so fascinated by me that you recognise me at first glance.
-Don't start, or else…
-Or else what, Ciphera? You'll tell Mydei when he gets back that I was mean to you? You'll hurt me? Do you really think you impress me? My niece is more intimidating than you are, and she hasn't even reached my shoulder height."

The fatigue and the alcohol were speaking for him, and all politeness was gone accordingly. She had pressed the wrong button at the wrong time.

"You're still on my territory.
-I'm on Mydei’s territory, not yours. This isn't my territory, but it's far from being yours either. If you have nothing useful to tell me about finding him, get out. This isn't your office either.
-But…
-But nothing. Get out. You have things to do, if I remember correctly. Important things, if you want to find your beloved boss, isn't that right?"

Cipher shot him a dark look he ignored, but left the room, slamming the door behind her. He understood, up to a point, her lack of trust in him, but he had shown nothing but good faith since his arrival, and she still treated him as if he had no legitimate place there, as if he had no right to be searching for Mydei. And it irritated him to no end.

The afternoon passed strangely. Castorice must have said something, because a great many people came by the office to find out what they could do to help the search. Phainon had spent most of his time trying to learn each person's strengths and telling them what they could do. It was a peculiar feeling, managing Mydei’s subordinates the same way he managed his colleagues, but he had to admit he was pleasantly surprised by how things were turning out. Everyone was going out of their way to find his husband, which was not what he had necessarily expected. And even if his own research hadn't really advanced, he had the feeling that he had stopped going in circles. His stress had not lessened in the slightest, but he had the impression of regaining some control over the situation, at least in part. And the evening arrived far too quickly. One more day without news of Mydei.

"Sorry to disturb you, can I speak with you?
-You nearly gave me a fright. Of course, what is it?
-What did you say to Cipher to make her act as if you were the acting boss? I'm curious, she only swears by Mydei.
-Not anything interesting, I simply reminded her that she was only his right hand, nothing more.
-If you were anyone else, you'd probably already be dead.
-And yet here I am. Do you remember what happened to the last people who came after me? What do you think would have happened to her if she'd so much as scratched me? Then again, I'm saying that, but I never actually found out the d… Castorice, I have a question."

Something like a revelation had struck him as he said it, and he needed confirmation.

"Go ahead.
-Did he kill them all?
-Hmm?
-The organisation who hurt me, did Mydei kill them all?
-I don't know… But I'd say no.
-It's them. It can only be them. It's the only possibility, every other lead has gone nowhere.
-How much time would you need to put something together to get him back?
-Send me someone who knows their hideout, and I'll have it ready in an hour, maybe less. I want to do this tomorrow, at dawn. We need to go and get him before it's too late."

Castorice refrained from making any comment about the fact that it might already be too late, something Phainon appreciated. With the help of someone who knew his enemies better than anyone, he put together a plan in just under an hour, just in time for the meeting Castorice had organised so he could explain how the operation would unfold. His explanation took some time, given that he had taken care to make use of everyone's strengths and had walked them through what each group needed to do.

"Any questions?
-Why would we listen to a police commissioner? He might be sending us into a trap, or planning to arrest us all afterward!
-You may or may not know this, I'm not sure what Castorice has told you, but Mydei is my husband. I am here solely to save him. If I had wanted to arrest you, I could have done it years ago. You're free not to listen to me, but don't forget that if the operation fails, the blame will fall on those who chose not to participate. They'll be held responsible. They're the ones I'll arrest, and the ones I'll make sure end up in the worst prisons there are. Because it will be their fault if I lose the love of my life. Have I made myself clear?"

The silence that followed was taken as approval by Phainon, and he simply left, letting them sit with their thoughts. He only hoped that things would go well, that everyone would follow the plan, and that no one would do as they wanted, for his husband's sake.

"Do you really mean it, what you said if things go wrong?
-Sending those who did nothing to prison? Of course, I almost never lie.
-You scared them.
-Will it make them do what they need to do?
-Most likely.
-Then good. These aren't my usual methods, but these aren't usual circumstances. I hate being here and doing all of this, but if I had to blow up the entire city to see him again, I would.
-Does he love you as much as you love him?
-Of course. I don't need to ask myself that. He would do the same for me. He would do everything for me, just as I would do everything for him. He wouldn't leave me. He wouldn't abandon me. Never.
-I still think he doesn't deserve someone like you."

Phainon exhaled through his nose, almost amused. How many people in his life had said those exact words to him, he wouldn't even have been able to count. He was far from agreeing with any of them, but he could understand their point of view.

"Just because he's an asshole with all of you doesn't mean he is with me. Far from it. He has sides you don't know, and I know that he loves me, and how much.
-Forgive me. I suppose you know what's best for yourself.
-Don't worry about it, you're not the first, and you certainly won't be the last. I've learned to live with it, and it's been a long time since I stopped paying it any mind.
-You should try to get some rest, you need to be in good shape for tomorrow. He's counting on you.
-You too. You seems tired"

Phainon was aware that he needed rest, but didn't know how to get any. He had no desire to go home, not without Mydei. Two options presented themselves: hope that nobody was at the police station at such a late hour, or go back to the office, which was slowly beginning to suffocate him, to remind him relentlessly of his husband's absence. Neither option ended up being his final choice, he opted instead to find the nearest hotel, to rest, shower, and change, with clothes he had delivered directly to his room. He simply didn't have the strength to go back to their apartment right now. He was convinced he wouldn't sleep, but set an alarm regardless, just in case. He was right to do so, he barely touched the mattress before Morpheus had taken him in until the sound of his alarm, only a few hours later.

Waking up felt like a fresh stab to the chest. He had come to convince himself it had all been a nightmare, and then felt the cold, empty space beside him, and saw the hotel room. He immediately sent a message to Castorice, to check whether she was awake and whether everything was alright on their end, a message that received an almost instant reply. Perhaps she hadn't managed to sleep either, or perhaps she had set an alarm just as early, he would never know. In any case, everything was ready for the operation. All that remained was to launch it. So he wasted no time, dressed quickly and left, using the brief journey to arrange for everything to be returned to their apartment by the end of the day.

He was relieved to find that everyone had shown up, that no one had pulled out. He was able to go over the plan one last time before they all set off toward the hideout. In essence, it was very simple: get in, undetected, to wherever they were theoretically holding Mydei, and get out. Of course, Phainon had thought through every detail, and each person had a precise mission to carry out, but that was the backbone of the plan. It had never been his intention to kill anyone. He knew that collateral damage would occur along the way, and he knew there was little chance his husband would leave them alive after this. But he had never intended to kill anyone, or to give such an order.

And yet, seeing Mydei tied to that chair filled him with a rage unlike anything he had ever felt before. A rage so intense that his face expressed no emotion whatsoever, and his gaze was so glacially cold that it paralysed everyone standing before him. It was almost mechanically that he had drawn his weapon and fired two bullets, one for each person beside his husband, his Mydei. One for each person actively hurting him. A bullet between the eyes, as if killing them could expiate their sins. But nothing could. Nothing at all. Once that was done, he rushed to Mydei, cradling his face in his hands, praying with everything he had that he was still conscious, still alive. And meeting his gaze, exhausted and wounded, yes, but still very much present, was the first thing to make him genuinely smile in days.

"Kill them all" were the first words he heard from his lips, as he untied him, and no one needed to be asked twice. Phainon took him in his arms immediately after that, a flood of emotion washing over him. Feeling his arms around him again was, without doubt, the final straw, what brought tears to his eyes, but he didn't let himself cry, not yet. He needed to reassure him first, to tell him that everything was alright, that he was there, that he had come for him. Deep down, perhaps it was himself he was reassuring, but it didn't matter. He was against him again. He was in a bad way, but he was alive. And with him. Alive. He was alive.

"Did you miss me that much?
-I was so scared for you. Not a second went by without thinking of you, and of how desperately I wanted to get you out of here. Nothing could have stopped me. How do you feel?
-Better than a couple minutes ago."

Phainon pressed an infinitely tender kiss to his husband's temple, while casting a dark, warning look at Cipher, who was about to come and interrupt them. He could feel himself growing slightly weaker, no doubt from the sheer relief, and it was likely well past time to take him to the hospital. He rose and slipped his arms beneath Mydei’s legs and back to carry him to the car.

"Put me down, I can walk.
-Don't be ridiculous, you can't. Let me take care of you."

He grumbled, but said nothing more, at least not until he heard where he was being taken.

"No, I'm not going to the hospital.
-You don't have a choice. I need to make sure you're completely safe.
-I want to go home.
-I'll stay with you, I won't let go of you, but please, don't be difficult. I don't want to find you again only to lose you for good because things weren't as fine as they looked."

Phainon could see how much it bothered him, but he also knew that he didn't truly have the strength to argue further. He understood his desire to go home, he wanted nothing else himself, but it was out of the question not to be certain that his husband had nothing worse than what could be seen. Under other circumstances, he would perhaps have been horrified by such injuries, but the relief he felt at hearing him breathe against him overrode that horror. The journey to the hospital was surprisingly short, as was the medical examination. They stayed for several dozen minutes, even more than that, two or three hours, perhaps. But, miraculously, nothing was serious: only wounds too deep to be left unstitched, but his injuries were entirely external. Not a single moment of that visit passed without their hands being in each other's, as if separating them meant being separated again, as if letting go meant making the other disappear. Now that they were reunited, they wanted none of that, never again.

The trip back home was its own flood of emotions. Their dog welcomed his owners with unbridled joy, nearly jumping on them, and was rewarded with an avalanche of strokes. And when bedtime finally came, Phainon had difficulty falling asleep, but he couldn't have been happier than looking at Mydei against him, tucked between him and their dog. Even with the extreme exhaustion he had built up, the fear that it was all a dream and that he wouldn't be there in the morning kept him from sleeping. But it wasn't so terrible. He had found him. He was alright. His family was whole again, and that was all that mattered.