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It was over. He was done. And tired. And done. His paws padded across the floor as he retreated to his room, leaving the others talking and smiling and laughing.
He was supposed to be the funny one. Pulling pranks because they're funny. Because he wanted to choose his archetype. But things were starting to feel…
Real.
The key to his room appeared in his hand, pulled out of his pocket (or perhaps summoned out of thin air..). And with a click, his door unlocked and he slipped inside his room. But he didn't move to climb onto his bed. He just stood there.
Everything… everything was starting to feel real. Everything was... it was… why was…
Jax took a breath. And then another. And then another.
He wasn't supposed to feel. He wasn't SUPPOSED to care. He- he didn't. He couldn't.
His next breath came faster, and so did the next, and the next. Each breath chasing the other in a mad dash to try to get out first.
“I.. don't… care.” Jax took a couple steps into his room. I DON'T CARE. I DON'T. I CAN'T– I DON'T.
His every breath was shallow as he dropped to his knees, grabbing his head with clawed hands. Why couldn't he stop hyperventilating? Why couldn't he stop c– Why did this moment feel real? Why? Why? Why? WHY? WHY? WHY?
He squeezed his head with desperation, every breath forcing its way out of his mouth in short gasps. Why couldn't everything just end… Why was he here..? Why couldn't he just abstract…
Nothing visibly shifted, but somehow something did. Jax's breathing evened out, slowing back to something almost normal.
But he didn't move, perched on his knees on the floor, staring at nothing in particular.
“I give up.” Jax’s voice sounded in the silence, quiet and yet deafening. Small and defeated.. hopeless even.
He didn't move for a long time. Seconds. Minutes. Hours. Days. No one could have told you how long he sat there, waiting for the end. Waiting for abstraction.
But nothing happened. Absolutely nothing.
Finally Jax stirred. “Didn't you hear me? I give up! I give up! Take me! Abstract me! I don't care, I GIVE UP! END THIS! END ME!”
Nothing happened. No mysterious hole opened in the wall. No fingers reached for his. No peace settled over the room and no hypnotizing lights blazed in front of his eyes.
Jax grabbed his head in both hands again, squeezing as if that would change something. And then he was screaming with raw emotion.
WHY. WHY WOULDN'T IT END?? WHY COULDN'T HE JUST BE FREE?? FIND PEACE??
Anger and frustration and care and fear and everything he'd ever felt that he'd tried to deny came surging forward and pouring into his voice. Even when he was ready to give up, ready for his life to be over, still the torture wouldn't end. He couldn't take it anymore, he couldn't.
His voice gave out long before he was ready for it to. “I GIVE UP,” he whispered hoarsely, his voice barely able to shape those three words.
His head dropped, hanging listlessly. He could feel it in his soul.. if he even still had one… that it was over. He'd given up.
A knock on the door, loud and jarring after everything, shattered the silence. “Jax?”
It was Pomni's voice.
“Jax, I know you're in there.” She fell silent for a minute. “I just wanted to come.. I guess see if you're doing alright..? I mean you're probably sleeping or something… but if you're not.. I just..” she hesitated. “I thought maybe you'd like to see the room I mentioned the other day..?”
He sighed silently. Of course she'd come. And try to stop him from giving up. She ruined everything.
But… but wait… no that wasn't right… why did he actually almost want to drag himself off the floor and answer the door? He didn't care… he'd given up… hadn't he..?
Did you? a voice in his head asked softly, one that sounded suspiciously like the voice on the other side of the door. Did you really give up on me? Or are you just scared you'll actually show a human emotion?
Jax sighed again, dragging himself to his feet and padding to the door, opening it to reveal Pomni looking hopefully up at him.
And that broke something inside him. Because how could he give up when she existed?
He pushed the door open enough for himself to slide out, and then he bent down to her eye level, meeting her eyes for a long moment. And then he grabbed her face, gently, and pulled her lips to meet his.