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“Stolas, don't act like what we have is anything but you wanting me to fuck you, okay? You make that really clear all the time. But, I just, I-I can't do it tonight, okay?”
Blitzø glanced toward Stolas waiting for a reaction, anything to refute what he was saying. Anything to convince him that what he’d led himself to believe wasn’t true.
“I'm sorry,” Blitzø said after being met with silence that spoke volumes.
“What if,” Stolas began. “What if it was?”
Blitzø sighed and tipped his head back against the seat. It was all he could do to not scream. “What if what was what, Stolas?”
“What we have,” Stolas continued while fussing with the hem of his cape. “What if it was more than me wanting you to fuck me?”
“Doesn’t really matter, now does it? Just,” Blitzø crushed his eyelids shut. “Just forget it, Stolas. Go to bed.”
“I won’t keep you, but I want you to know,” Stolas looked up. “that I want that. With you. I’m sorry if I’ve not made my intentions clear, but if you also… if you wanted that as well, that is…” he trailed off.
Blitzø sat with his hands on the steering wheel and his head facing forward. Why was Stolas doing this? Hadn’t Blitzø gone through enough tonight? Why couldn’t he just reject him quickly and let him go home?
He turned to face Stolas and found the owl with a sympathetic smile pleading for Blitzø to meet him halfway. “What do you want from me, Stolas?”
“I don’t want anything that you aren’t willing to give,” Stolas told him. “But if you’d like to see what I want, I would like to show you. Please come in, Blitzø. It’s been a very trying evening, but I still think it can be salvaged.”
Blitzø kept the scowl on his face as he turned away. What the fuck was all that supposed to mean? He’d already told the bird no sex – was this his way of trying to trick him into it? What was his game?
“Stolas, I already told you…”
“No sex,” Stolas cut him off. “We don’t even have to so much as touch each other if you don’t want. And you can leave anytime. Promise.”
Blitzø looked back at the Prince skeptically. As much as he wanted to leave, he also didn’t want to get lost in his head. He knew where that would lead, and he welcomed the distraction.
“Fine,” he bit out. “But no fucking funny business.” Blitzø stepped out of the van and walked toward the stairs. Stolas held his hands clasped together in front of him as they walked side by side into the palace.
“I imagine you’re probably hungry,” Stolas ventured. “Would you like me to place an order for delivery? There’s a pizza place nearby that has buffalo chicken pizza.”
Blitzø spun his head toward Stolas. “How did you know I like buffalo chicken pizza?”
“I didn’t,” Stolas smirked. “But I’ll take that as a yes.”
“Uh, yeah, I guess,” Blitzø replied noncommittally. “So, a movie, huh? What did you have in mind?”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Stolas mused. “I was probably going to have you choose. I tend to watch movies that make me cry, and I don’t really feel like crying tonight.”
“Oh-ho, you do not want me to choose!”
“Why not?” Stolas chuckled. “So long as it isn’t anything fantastically gory I’m sure I’ll be plenty entertained. We can watch it in here.”
Stolas stopped short as he gestured into the television room where his cereal bowl lay upside down, warm milk soaking into the carpet. He’d forgotten about the events leading up to Blitzø’s phone call, and the staff had all but left for the evening.
“Oh, dear,” Stolas began. He raised an arm and collected the spill in a ball of magic, returning the food to the bowl and the bowl to his waiting hand. “Why don’t you look for a movie while I take this to the kitchen? I’ll order the pizza as well. How does that sound?”
“Fine,” Blitzø growled, determined not to have a good time. This whole night was just going to be evidence for Blitzø’s file on Stolas – evidence that the bird only wanted him for one thing and one thing only. Evidence that Blitzø was only ever going to be good for that one thing. He plopped onto the fancy couch and reached for the remote. The tv had been left on, playing some soap opera. Blitzø switched over to Voxtube and thought about what to watch. He knew what he’d choose but showing that to Stolas seemed… personal. Maybe he could find a decent movie that didn’t make him feel so exposed, something that wasn’t so deep.
But, you know, still had horses.
After flipping through a few horse-related options, he settled on one he actually hadn’t seen. It was called Lightning, The White Stallion. It was an older movie, and despite the old man and teenage girl canoodling on the cover, it didn’t look like a romance. He didn’t want to give the bird any ideas. He was just looking for a distraction… not a good time.
Stolas returned in a short time with a bottle of wine and two glasses.
“The pizza should be here in about 30. I don’t know if you prefer red or white wine, but this is a Riesling – it should pair well with the pizza.”
“Pair well with the pizza?” Blitzø imitated, laughing slightly.
“Well, yes,” Stolas explained matter-of-factly. “Every meal goes better with certain wines. For example, you have red wine with steak, white wine with fish, etcetera, etcetera. I opted for a white wine to pair with the chicken and chose something with a bit of sugar so as to not react too strongly to the hot sauce. Plus, I just happen to like Riesling,” Stolas looked from the wine to Blitzø as he spoke and smiled. “Did you pick out a movie?”
“Yeah, I think so,” Blitzø answered disinterestedly. “I’ve never seen it before, but it’s got a horse in it, so it can’t be too bad.”
Stolas set the glasses and wine down on looked at the screen. “Wonderful! I’ve never seen this one either. It will be a new experience for both of us. I think I should like to change out of this attire into something more comfortable…”
“Stolas-” Blitzø rolled his eyes.
Stolas hooted a laugh in response. “Seriously, Blitzø! I just want to be comfortable. I promise – no ulterior motive. I’m afraid I don’t have anything for you, though. I could perhaps portal you to your room to get something to change into?”
Blitzø thought about that for less than a second. The idea of Stolas seeing where he lived was nauseating. “I’m fine like this,” Blitzø muttered.
“All the same, feel free to take off your jacket or boots. I’ll be back in a moment.”
Stolas left the room while Blitzø made himself comfortable. He kicked off both boots and threw his coat lazily over the back of the couch. Looking around, he started to doubt his decision to stay. What was he doing? What was he even hoping to accomplish? Sex right now was a bad idea, he knew that. Stolas was going to find some way to get them to have sex – he knew that too. Why else would he want Blitzø to stay? They didn’t hang out; they weren’t friends. They were… well, he didn’t know what they were, but they weren’t friends.
Before Blitzø had time to think about bolting out the door with his coat and boots in hand, Stolas returned. He was dressed in maroon sweatpants paired with a white t-shirt that had a yellow star on it. His standard robe was draped over his shoulders. Blitzø realized in that moment that he’d never seen Stolas wear anything that could be considered sleepwear, outside of the robe that is. Typically, though, he wore the robe without anything underneath, but never to sleep. Seeing him in this outfit felt… normal.
Stolas sat down on the far end of the couch giving Blitzø as much space as possible. He picked up his wine glass and took a small sip. “Okay, I’m ready,” he said in anticipation.
Blitzø took him in for a moment before picking the remote up from the cushion next to him. Stolas must be playing the long game – build some trust before making a move. Whatever. He’d get some pizza and a horse movie out of it anyway.
He pushed play, and the movie began. Since it was an older film, there was about an hour of opening credits before anything even happened. This gave Blitzø empty time to think. He didn’t want that. The other option available was to talk to Stolas – he didn’t want that either. Although…
“Could probably make the pizza ourselves before these credits are over…”
Stolas smiled delightedly. Blitzø looked at the names on the screen.
“Claudia Stenke? And they just put it at the beginning of the movie?? Well, I guess we wouldn’t know how she smelled if they didn’t tell us.”
Stolas snickered softly into his hand. Blitzø scanned the screen for more material.
“Richard Beggs, huh? I wonder if he does it on his knees…”
Oh, no.
Oh, shit.
Red flag.
Back it up, back it up.
No sexy dirty talk. Satan’s ass crack, this was going to be hard.
But like, not that kind of hard.
Because. You know. No sexy dirty talk.
“Uh, yeah, like begs for his life! You know, ‘cause I’m an assassin and kill people and shit.”
Nailed it.
Stolas continued to snicker at the other end of the couch, reading the names from the screen.
“Ken Toy? That’s a fake name!”
Blitzø artfully skipped Phil Cummings as it popped up on the screen. Come the fuck on, for real? That poor bastard.
“Chip Miller sounds like the type of guy whose whole personality is that he played baseball in high school and fucked the prom queen in the back of his dad’s Lincoln.”
Blitzø sucked in a breath. This one was a risk. Stolas covered his beak behind his hand as he started to giggle.
“Then he knocked her up, got stuck selling tires, and now he dreams about the days when he could still see his dick past his chili‑fry hot‑wing gut!”
Stolas burst out in hooted laughs, tears forming at the corners of his lower eyes. He held his sides as he tipped toward the armrest to hold himself up, unable to contain his laughter.
Jackpot.
If there was one thing Blitzø was a sucker for, it was praise. Someone laughing at his jokes was the highest praise, and Stolas never let him down. Even when he was a kid, the owl found him funny. It was an unmatched feeling when he could get Stolas to completely lose it at one of his stupid comments.
The movie finally began, and Blitzø and Stolas switched their focus to the screen more attentively as their laughter died down.
“Can you turn it up?” Stolas requested. “I’m afraid I can’t hear a thing.”
“Yeah, me either,” Blitzø concurred while he picked up the remote. He clicked the volume up a few notches, but it didn’t seem to make a difference.
“Fuck, is that even changing?”
“I think so?” Stolas said doubtfully. “Go ahead and turn it up more.”
Blitzø obliged, resulting in the TV being forced to maximum volume. The movie was still difficult to hear, but they could at least manage. There had already been some voiceover dialogue about the main character being in a bunch of gambling debt but having a hot girlfriend even though he’s like 80 or something like that. Blitzø didn’t really care about any of that. He just wanted to get to the horse.
“This movie,” Stolas said about 5 minutes in. “It’s rather… um…”
“Bad.”
There was a pause before Blitzø snorted.
“I wasn’t going to say it,” Stolas laughed. “But the acting is abysmal, and the dialogue is so contrived. And are they selling that teenage girl as some sort of sex object?”
“Well, it was the eighties,” Blitzø said mischievously. “That bus driver was definitely trying to hit that.”
“Ew,” Stolas said.
“Yeah,” Blitzø agreed. “What was that? Was that supposed to be a car accident?”
“Of course,” Stolas answered. “Didn’t you see him wildly shake the wheel back and forth while the truck suspiciously kept going straight?”
Blitzø laughed. “At least the horse got away. What the fuck was the point of that? He’s just driving around drunk with a stolen horse?”
“Apparently.”
“Oh, so now the high schoolers are gonna help. I don’t even know how he’s knocked out to begin with. He didn’t hit anything!”
“So, they’re taking him with them?” Stolas tilted his head to the side as he asked.
“This bus driver should be shot in the head. He’s taking a passed out fucking drunk on a bus full of high schoolers?”
“As you said, Blitzø, this was the eighties.”
“Oh, yeah, for sure, leave the 17-year-old girl to stay at the hospital with the drunk guy. That makes sense,” Blitzø scoffed.
“Well, clearly someone had to stay with him. After that tremendous head injury he suffered,” Stolas smirked.
“You know, the acting is bad, but the script probably should’ve made friends with a lit match to begin with.”
“Not to mention the pacing! So much has happened in such a short amount of time! It’s like they’re cramming the whole story into the first ten minutes!” Stolas ranted.
“Ooh, horse!” Blitzø’s eyes turned dewy as the movie turned into a galloping horse interlude. For several minutes, there was nothing but footage of the white horse running free through the fields. It was breathtakingly magical.
“Okay, never mind. I decided I love this movie.”
Stolas spit out the wine he’d just sipped in a glorious spray as he laughed loudly.
“You’re easy to win over I see,” Stolas observed.
“Yup!” Blitzø didn’t even try to deny it. If he was watching a horse movie, it better fucking show the horses.
“I imagine they added this to try and fix the dreadful tempo they’d already established. Instead it just feels like the movie came to a standstill.”
They couldn’t stop mocking the film as it progressed, the storyline making less and less sense. Blitzø shushed Stolas when the next horse running segment came up much to Stolas’ amusement.
When the pizza arrived, Blitzø paused the movie and checked his phone absently while Stolas answered the door. There was a text from Loona that he'd somehow missed.
Fuck.
He'd been so into the shitty movie that he didn't hear his phone. She sent it about ten minutes ago - man, he hoped she was okay. It didn't sound like it...
He hit the call button and waited. As soon as he heard the phone connect, he started speaking.
"Loonie, honey, daddy is so, so sorry he missed your message! Are you okay? Do you need me to come get you?"
There was a hint of a sniffle on the other end. "I'm fine," Loona lied. "I'm just not having any fun. Yeah, can you come get me?"
Blitzø was putting on his coat and shoes clumsily before she finished speaking. "Of course, sweetie! I'll be there as soon as I... "
"Huh, the hottie wants to leave?" a voice in the background cut in. Blitzø broke into a low growl.
"I mean, I could stay a little longer," Loona said, a smile in her voice.
"Loonie, I think I should come get you, m'kay?" Blitzø said in his sweetest voice through gritted teeth.
"Actually," she began. "I think I wanna give this another try."
Blitzø sighed as he rubbed his forehead. As worried as he was for his daughter, it would be good for her to get out there and make friends. And if he was being honest with himself... he kinda didn't want to leave.
"Are you sure?" he asked. "You just say the word, and I will be there!"
"Yeah, I'm sure," Loona replied. "Thanks, dad. I'll let you know if I need anything!"
A choke was caught in Blitzø's throat as he heard that magical word directed at him. It would never not affect him, and she knew it. "Okay," he strangled out with tears forming in his eyes. "Have fun, sweetie. I love you."
Loona hung up without another word. Blitzø held the phone to his ear in silence, biting his bottom lip. Stolas came back with the pizza and some napkins in tow to find him standing there with one boot and half a jacket on, staring into the empty space of the room.
"Something wrong?" Stolas inquired with a concerned look.
"No," Blitzo conceded, bringing the phone away from his ear and slowly removing his jacket. "It was just Loona."
"Your daughter? Is everything alright?"
"Yeah," Blitzø said, though the crack in his voice said otherwise. "She just... she's at a party. She's fine, though. Thought she needed me, but..."
"Ah," Stolas nodded. "I think I know what you mean. Via is at that age where she is navigating her independence as well."
"She texted me that she wanted to leave, but she changed her mind. I know she'll be okay, but... I just worry." Blitzø sighed, kicking off his remaining boot.
"Yes, I find myself wanting to run to Octavia's rescue at every turn," Stolas chuckled lightly as he set the pizza on the side table. "You are doing far better than I, that's for sure. I would have already dragged her home."
Blitzø's head popped up. "Should I have?"
"Heavens, no!" Stolas laughed. "Via would be so angry with me if I did that! It's difficult for me, though," Stolas' voice softened. "She's growing up, and she doesn't... need... me..."
Blitzø nodded. He rubbed his face hard and let out a groan. "Okay, that’s enough of that! Let's stuff ourselves stupid and get back to this shitty horse movie!"
"Well put, darling," Stolas smiled and opened the pizza box. He presented it for Blitzø to take a slice and took one of his own. "Do you need more wine to go with your pizza?"
Blitzø laughed. "Yeah, birdie. I'll take some more wine."
The movie continued to provide them with adverse entertainment, giving them fodder for endless jokes at its expense. They ate, drank, and laughed, and before they knew it, the movie had ended.
"That's it?!" Blitzø said incredulously. "She's just the horse's favorite? Had no problem winning every competition she entered? What the fuck is that?"
"You didn't see?" Stolas pointed out between laughs. "She was the only one who could tame him apparently! And everyone could tell just by talking with her for 30 seconds!"
"Oh, I saw alright. I saw a so-called multi-millionaire just hand over the reins of his prize horse to a 17-year-old girl he just met! Christ on a stick, I know the wrong rich people!"
Stolas threw a pillow at Blitzø with a huff. "And what do you mean by that?"
"Oh, are you rich?" Blitzø smirked. "Guess I forgot..."
The space between them on the couch had grown smaller during the movie, and at that moment, they seemed to have both realized it. Stolas cleared his throat and turned back to the tv.
"You know, if you are amenable to another movie, there's a horse movie that we used to watch when Via was an owlet that was quite enjoyable. That is, if you are alright with animation?"
"Sure," Blitzø said, forcing his voice and pose to act casual. He handed the remote to Stolas' outstretched hand as he reached over him for another slice of pizza. He saw a light flush on Stolas' cheeks and did his best to ignore it. Stolas froze for just a moment before clicking the buttons on the remote to search for the movie he'd been suggesting. Blitzø watched the letters pop up on the screen as he took his first bite.
S
The pizza was still warm despite having sat for almost an hour, and the cheese felt delightful on his tongue. He sipped his wine and thought about the way it tasted with the pizza. Huh. It actually did go together pretty well.
P
Blitzø wondered about the movie Stolas was looking up. He'd seen pretty much every horse movie in existence, so chances were pretty good that it'd be one he'd seen before. Heh, wouldn't it be funny if it was...
I
Wait a minute.
R
No fucking way.
I
He wasn't... was he... was it really... it couldn't be...
T
"No fucking way," Blitzø said out loud.
"Oh, do you know this one?" Stolas asked. "It's quite a good story, and I rather enjoy the music."
I love you, Blitzø had to stop himself from saying. He didn't mean it, of course, but his emotions were heightened beyond what he could reasonably control. That stupid beautiful bird had no idea what he’d just done to Blitzø’s heart.
"This is my favorite movie," Blitzø whispered. He immediately wished he could shove the words back into his mouth. Too honest. Too raw. But as much as he didn't even want to admit that much to Stolas, he just had to tell him... had to let him know what this moment was doing to him...
"Perfect!" Stolas said delightedly. "Let's watch it!"
Without waiting for a response, Stolas pushed play. They were immediately blown away by the thunderous tones of the production credits opening the movie.
They'd forgotten the volume was all the way up.
Oops.
Stolas quickly dialed the volume down as they erupted in another fit of laughter. It really wasn't that funny, but the night's prior movie had set a tone for the evening that spilled over into the next. Blitzø shushed Stolas as the movie started despite still laughing himself. Stolas responded with a playful shove that set off a short nudging match between the pair.
As absorbed as Blitzø was in the movie, he couldn't help but steal a glance at Stolas every now and then. He was watching the movie with rapt attention. Not only was he enjoying the movie, he chose the movie. Blitzø's favorite movie. The best movie of all time. And Stolas had selected it, called it "quite enjoyable."
Okay, stop it. It's just a fucking movie.
Blitzø tried with great difficulty to pull himself together. He was having... feelings about how his night was going. He was sitting there, with Stolas, and he was having... fun. He'd long ago forgotten his quest to prove Stolas only wanted him for sex, and he settled into the comfortable atmosphere with ease. There had been no attempt to seduce him or even touch him, as promised, and yet, Blitzø found himself actually enjoying the owl's company.
The movie ended, and Blitzø found Stolas quietly dabbing the corners of his eyes as he picked up the remote.
"I suppose that's enough movies for one night," he declared as he clicked off the television, washing them with a silence that hadn’t been present for most of the evening.
Stolas was quietly contemplating Blitzø for a moment before he spoke again.
“Can I be perfectly candid with you?” he inquired suddenly.
“Candied?” Blitzø smirked.
Stolas chuckled. “Candid,” he explained. “Can I be honest with you? In perhaps a bit of a vulnerable manner?”
Blitzø’s stomach dropped. Oh, no, his inner monologue screamed.
Vulnerable?
Honest?
Nope. Absolutely not.
Still, he couldn’t deny the feeling he’d had just a few moments ago, and it made him reluctant to end the night prematurely.
“S-sure,” he replied before he realized it. As long as Stolas wasn’t expecting him to reciprocate, it should be fine, right? He could just listen and not talk. That’d be fine. He picked up his wine glass and swirled it as he’d seen people do in movies before taking a sip as a means to occupy himself more than anything.
“I was really excited when you asked me out tonight,” Stolas confessed. “I’ve been hoping you would ask me out for a while now. I like spending time with you.”
Blitzø huffed. “You’ve really romanticized this thing between us, Stolas.”
Stolas smiled. “You’re probably right. I tend to get a little carried away at times, but I do like you. A lot.”
Blitzø tried and failed to hide his surprise. As much as he’d expected some sort of confession from Stolas when he’d asked to speak honestly, he didn’t expect that. “You don’t even know me,” he said quietly, looking away.
Stolas’ smile dipped down. He looked deep in thought with his eyes trained on the floor. Curling his bottom lip inward, he ventured to continue his thoughts. “I suppose a very naïve and romantic response would be something along the lines of ‘I don’t need to’ or ‘I know you well enough’, but I know better. You’re right, of course. I don’t know a lot about you. I know that you kill people though, so at least that won’t come as a surprise. You could be hiding some other scandalous secret, I suppose. Maybe you have a jar of human toenail clippings in your closet? Or maybe you keep a lock of your ex-girlfriend’s hair and brush it against your cheek every now and then,” Stolas’ smile returned slowly as he spoke.
Blitzø couldn’t contain his snort. Serious conversations were not his jam, and Stolas’ lighthearted comment helped to bring him back to his comfort zone for a little while.
“It is exciting, wanting to spend time with you and get to know you better,” Stolas continued. “And frightening.”
Blitzø’s head popped up in confusion and a touch of annoyance. “Frightening?”
“Well, yes,” Stolas said as if it were the most obvious statement anyone had ever made. “Right now, it’s all mysterious and new, but there could very well be something about you that makes me not like you. Or there could be something about me that makes you not like me, assuming you ever did. But as scary as it is, the part of me that’s excited usually wins out, and I end up making rash decisions without thinking them through.”
“Like what?” Blitzø didn’t mean to ask, but his curiosity was piqued.
Stolas gave him a sad smile that turned into a grimace as he spoke. “Like going out tonight. It was foolish of me to accept. I really shouldn’t have been seen out in public with you like that.”
Ouch, Blitzø thought. But this is the part he knew about, right? The way Stolas actually thought about him. Not the flirting, not the laughs, not the Blitzy this or Blitzy that – just Blitzø being the dirty little secret again. The imp you hide behind curtains and excuses. It didn’t matter if Stolas ‘liked’ him; he knew his place. It didn’t make him any less pissed about it.
“I get it,” he spat out through gritted teeth. “Can’t have anyone see you hanging out with an imp, now can we?”
Stolas looked confused. “I don’t care about that.”
“Then why shouldn’t you have been seen with me?” Blitzø challenged.
“Because I’m having an affair with you,” he reminded Blitzø. “As miserable as my marriage is, it still reflects poorly on me to flaunt such blatant misconduct, and more importantly, would negatively impact Via.” Stolas tipped his head down shamefully. “I admit that I got so carried away with the idea of going out with you that I hadn’t even thought about how it would affect her until Asmodeus brought it to my attention… and everyone else’s attention as well.”
Oh.
Fuck.
Blitzø tended to forget that Stolas was still married, that he was married when they’d first slept together, and that they were continuing to do so despite his marriage. Outsiders wouldn’t know, of course, that their deal was purely transactional, that it was just meaningless sex and nothing else, or that Stolas’ marriage was as big a sham as their so-called ‘affair’. Taking your side piece out to a club probably isn’t the most proper thing that a demon prince could do. Blitzø’s view of the events of the evening changed slightly. Stolas hadn’t been ashamed of him because of who Blitzø was, but because of what Stolas had done.
“You know, I never really got to choose anything in my life,” Stolas played with the hem of his top. “Everything has always been decided for me, sometimes before I was even born. The first choice I ever made for myself was to cheat on my wife.” He laughed bitterly. His gaze rose after a deep sigh, his line of sight making its way back to Blitzø. “I suppose there are worse things I could have done,” he smirked.
Blitzø instinctively wanted to run away from his eyes, but he found himself comfortably enthralled. This felt… fine. Stolas wasn’t asking Blitzø to spill his guts, and Blitzø couldn’t deny the pull of curiosity toward the bird’s thoughts. It was like starting a movie you didn’t want to see to begin with but now you needed to know how it ended.
“Anyway, thank you for indulging me, Blitzø,” Stolas conceded. “It’s odd to talk to you about such things, but to be quite truthful, I have no one else. I suppose I could get a therapist,” he smiled slightly. “I do feel a bit better, however, getting it all out. Even though nothing’s changed other than now you know how I feel,” he paused uncomfortably. “And why I need to stop this arrangement.”
Blitzø’s eyes widened. Before he knew it, he was crawling toward Stolas, begging and half yelling. “No, no, no, Stolas you can’t! I will do anything! Anything you want, I will do it,” He hated how fast the words came out. Hated how easy it was to beg. Hated that he meant every damn syllable. “You want to fuck more often? You want me to roleplay? Whatever you want, it’s yours! Just please…”
Stolas’ eyes were sparkling as he held up his hands to gesture to Blitzø to slow down. “You can keep using the book,” he smiled. “Think of it more as a favor between friends. You owe me nothing in return.”
Blitzø stopped in his tracks. “I don’t understand. You don’t want to fuck anymore?”
“Oh, I very much do,” Stolas trilled dreamily. “When I offered the deal, I figured that would be enough – you could use me for the book, and I would use you for companionship. However, I’ve found that I want so much more than that, and it’s something that can’t be bargained for.”
“What’s that?”
“I want to be truly desired,” Stolas said sadly. Blitzø’s throat tightened. Fuck. Why did that hit him like a punch? “That’s how I felt the first day you showed up, the first time we… were intimate. And I’ve been chasing that feeling ever since. I know now that you were only after the Grimoire…”
Blitzø cringed, embarrassed.
“It’s alright. I’ve come to terms with only being wanted when I’m useful, and I have taken full advantage of that while I could, while it still made me happy. Now, I think I’d like to seek out being truly wanted though. So, you see, I can’t continue to demand you pleasure me in exchange for something, because that will be all it will ever be. I’d rather just help you freely.”
“Stolas,” Blitzø eyed him skeptically. “What is this? What are you asking of me? What do you want me to do?!”
“I don’t want you to do anything that you don’t want to. I’d love for you to want to spend time with me, but only because you want to – not out of obligation. As afraid as I am of putting myself out there only to get hurt, I’m more afraid of choking down my feelings and wondering what might’ve been.”
“And if you do get hurt? What then?”
“Then I guess I’m just back where I started. No harm done,” Stolas stated plainly.
“Yeah, back where you started,” Blitzø pointed out. “But with a broken heart.”
Stolas nodded solemnly. “So, back where I started,” he whispered.
They sat in silence for a fair amount of time, alternating between staring at each other and at various random spots in the room. Their glasses slowly emptied from the mechanical sips they took in between glances.
“Well,” Stolas finally said. “I suppose it’s getting late. You probably want to…”
Blitzø launched himself toward Stolas, wrapping his arms around his torso and planting his cheek on his chest.
“Blitzø, you really don’t have to…”
“Shut the fuck up,” Blitzø said as he curled closer. Stolas laid his hands gently on Blitzø’s back as though he were a feral cat that may run away from any sudden movements.
They sat on the couch this way long enough for Stolas to fall asleep. Blitzø looked up at him as he felt his breath grow slower and deeper. There was a tightness in his chest that he couldn't identify, that he wanted to run away from and wanted to consume him all at the same time.
Carefully, Blitzø crawled off Stolas' lap and onto the floor. He gently slid his claws under the sleeping bird and gathered his ragdoll frame toward himself. He barely reacted to the change in position as Blitzø pulled him to rest in his arms. Stolas' head leaned into his chest with a small murmur.
He walked down the hall to Stolas' room and did his best to lay him down without waking him. The height of the bed made it difficult, but Blitzø was anything if not resourceful. After placing him gently on top of the comforter, he grabbed a spare quilt from the bottom of the bed and covered the prince with utmost care. Before Blitzø could stop himself, he looked down at Stolas sleeping soundly in his bed and affectionately brushed a tuft of feathers from his face.
"Stay?"
Blitzø froze. He'd been sure that Stolas was asleep. Was the request a conscious one? He didn't know, and in that moment, he didn't really care. Secretly, even from himself, he'd been hoping to be given the invitation to stay over. He crawled under the blanket delicately and lay on his back next to Stolas. Cuddling a sleeping demon felt wrong, so Blitzø resigned himself to the closeness he was afforded - lying next to his bird, sharing the same space, relishing the connection that chased away their mutual loneliness.
When Blitzø awoke, he found that his body had completely betrayed him. His face was fully smushed into Stolas' chest feathers with one arm wrapped around his torso and a leg intertwined with the owl's. His tail had even firmly coiled itself around Stolas' thigh in a gentle squeeze.
Though the position was not physically uncomfortable, a hurricane began to form in his gut pushing him to abandon the situation before Stolas woke up. He carefully untangled his limbs and quietly hopped off the bed. After collecting his jacket and boots from the room they'd watched the movies in and devouring a slice of cold pizza, he returned to the bedroom where Stolas was still sleeping comfortably. Watching the beautiful bird snoozing softly, Blitzø felt inclined to leave a soft kiss on his cheek.
"I like you a lot, too," Blitzø admitted in a whisper that felt little more than a breath before quickly retreating from the room to escape off the balcony in his typical route.
He couldn't be sure, but before he turned to leave, he could have sworn he saw a smile on the prince’s face.