Work Text:
r/advice
seanthesheep
am i homophobic?
okay so this is going to sound a little insane, but i need an outside perspective because i genuinely can’t figure out what is wrong with me.
context: i’m in high school, in a friend group of four—all guys, we’ve known each other for years. my best friend K and i are both 17, while M and J are both 18. from what i know, we’re all single and just chilling like we hang out constantly, study together, the usual.
but yesterday, something weird happened. we were going a group study session again when K started spiralling about an upcoming exam. he went really quiet, stopped writing, and just sat there really still, like he was trying to make himself smaller. we were all a little worried, looking over at him every now and then, but no one said anything until J softly pushed him to say what was wrong.
the thing about K is he doesn’t really like to share his problems with other people, often keeping them all bottled up until we eventually pry them out of him. anyway, he finally admitted that he didn’t feel ready for an upcoming test. M—who is much taller than K—stood up and told him to “come here,” and K went after hesitating for a moment.
M pulled him in for a hug, and because of their height difference or some shit, his hands ended up at K’s waist. K leaned his head against the part where M’s shoulder and chest connected… like around his collarbone. and then he did this thing where he sort of tucked himself in i don’t know how to explain it any better than that, like he exhaled and folded into the hug as if that was exactly what he had needed the whole time.
and K has this pout on his face. it’s something K does regularly, but this time it was the particular one he makes when something is actually getting to him/when he genuinely feels upset, an uncomfortable little expression. he’s doing it against M’s body, then M tells him to breathe, and K mumbles “i am breathing,” and M says “not like that,” and K lets out this small puff of laughter.
M readjusted his grip—like deliberately resettles his hands at K’s waist—and says some more comforting words to K, reassuring him that the test will go well. K doesn’t say much back, just stays there. i even saw his fingers gripping the material of M’s hoodie for a second. and THEY WERE STILL STANDING THERE HUGGING.
eventually K stepped back, and M finally let go. then K apologised?? for the hug. he apologised for the hug. which is insane. then he went back to his seat, picked up his pen, and started writing like everything was fine.
i felt like i had stopped functioning like a normal human being. i was sitting at the table across from them and my mood just dropped. completely. i was fine one second, then the next i felt like someone had shit in my acai bowl or something. i didn’t write a single word for the rest of the session. i sat there holding my pen, staring at my practice paper, doing nothing.
so my question is: is this a homophobia thing? am i homophobic? like is there some internalised thing going on where i got uncomfortable watching two guys be physically close, and that’s why i reacted so weirdly? because i’ve been sitting here for an hour trying to work out why i felt like that, and that’s genuinely the only explanation i can land on. i really didn’t think i have a problem with gay people, but maybe that’s the point, maybe you don’t know until something like this happens.
please be honest. i can take it.
edit 1: to the people asking if K is okay, yes, he is fine. he actually felt a lot better after, he was able to focus after that and got through the whole practice test. i’m very glad it helped him. extremely glad. i could not be happier about it.
edit 2: i didn’t expect this many replies, but i feel like no one’s getting my point.
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inthemirror
bro came here thinking he was homophobic when in reality he is homosexual 😭
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imakemfamous
you wrote all that. about your best friend. in a hug with someone else. and then your question was “am i homophobic?”
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twinwherehaveubeen
OP reread this before posting. looked at every word and thought “yes. this is must mean i’m homophobic.”
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imbored
the self-awareness is in the building, but it has not found the room yet
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seanthesheep • OP
i was being descriptive. i’m a descriptive writer.
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imakemfamous
are we being serious
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gogogogogogo
the pout. he described the pout. “the particular one he makes when something is actually getting to him/when he genuinely feels upset, an uncomfortable little expression” he has a whole classification system for K’s faces and thought it was relevant information to include in a post about homophobia.
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iloveseals
he has a standing library of K expressions, filed and labelled, ready for access at any time…
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touchgrass
OP’s smile probably dropped just like his mood did. it’s so over.
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seanthesheep • OP
we’ve been best friends for years. i know what his expressions mean. that’s just what happens when you’re close to someone.
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gogogogogogo
okay.
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hawaiianpizza
so what you just wrote told me that you were staring at another guy’s hands on your best friend’s waist while they hugged…
i am so sorry for what you are about to find out about yourself
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mintchocochip
he wrote this out. typed it. reread it. and still posted asking “am i homophobic?”
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seanthesheep • OP
what are you implying
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hawaiianpizza
buddy.
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chewymochi
the “M reajusted his grip—like deliberately resettles his hands at K’s waist” is not a thought you have about a normal hug between two of your friends. that is a thought you have when you want to be doing the holding. hope this helps!
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seanthesheep • OP
that’s genuinely not what that is
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chewymochi
i wish you could hear my sigh through our screens
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moonlys
OP i want you to walk me through what “uncomfortable” felt like for you during this. like physically. what was happening in your body?
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seanthesheep • OP
i don’t know but it was just really weird. my stomach felt like it was twisting into knots and my chest hurt too?? I kept staring at the placement of M’s hands and couldn’t make myself look away and idk sorry it’s hard to explain
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moonlys
that’s not homophobia.
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seanthesheep • OP
then what is it
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moonlys
i think you know what it is.
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seanthesheep • OP
i don’t
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fahfahfah
he really doesn’t 💀
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paperclips
this is the most painful thread i have ever witnessed
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donewithlife
not once in this entire post did you talk about feeling disgusted or weird about it being two guys, or that you wanted to look away. no. you said YOU COULD NOT STOP LOOKING. that is NOT homophobia.
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thatsredred
edit 1 is sending me “i’m very glad it helped him. extremely glad. i could not be happier about it.” he typed that and expected us to believe that? 😭
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f1charles
he posted that at midnight and wants us to believe he’s fine
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seanthesheep • OP
i AM glad he felt better. he worked through the whole practice test after. he’s been stressed about this exam for weeks. i just want him to do well.
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thatsredred
he’s been stressed about this exam for WEEKS and OP knows this. OP has been watching. OP cares deeply and tenderly about K’s exam stress levels.
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f1charles
K doesn’t know how good he has it
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imbored
i am going to need a K POV post after OP figures himself out
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gremlin
yeah you’re homophobic, you should probably avoid K from now on
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hawaiianpizza
WHAT THE HELL NO NO NO
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handsup
this is sabotage STOP
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gremlin
i’m trying to help
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hawaiianpizza
umm no you’re trying to ruin a love story
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seanthesheep • OP
i’m not going to avoid him
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handsup
wait is this progress
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mybluelips
sooo when K apologised for the hug, what was your initial reaction?
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seanthesheep • OP
i thought it was strange that he apologised like there was no need for him to say sorry, he did nothing wrong. M clearly didn’t mind, no one minded.
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swimswim
“no one minded”
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crashingout
you minded.
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seanthesheep • OP
what is that supposed to mean
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mybluelips
you’re literally annoyed that he was hugged by someone else, you definitely minded
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seanthesheep • OP
what i was NOT annoyed by that. i just thought the apology was unnecessary
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swimswim
bro if you were in court rn arguing your case, you would be losing
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crashingout
the jury has reached a verdict and it is not homophobia
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timetocelebrate
OP is either dense as a brick or is ragebaiting us
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chemistrysucks
okay i’ll be the one to actually answer the question: no, you’re not homophobic. homophobia doesn’t make you stare at another guy’s hands on your best friend’s waist. you’re welcome. also you have a massive crush on K, but that’s a separate issue.
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seanthesheep • OP
thank you for actually answering.
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chemistrysucks
did you read the second half of my comment
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seanthesheep • OP
i read the first part
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windowseat
selective reading as a coping mechanism…
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whoiam
i’m curious what was J doing during all of this? any reaction from J whatsoever?
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seanthesheep • OP
J just went back to his notes unbothered
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fahfahfah
J is so tired. i bet this post is not new information to J.
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madealist
who else thinks J deserves an award for putting up with OP’s bullshit?
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itsme
this isn’t homophobia. this is pining. i hope K is doing well. based on this post, i already love K.
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gdaymate
OP has painted such a vivid picture that we all love K now. the pout, especially.
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motherquacker
the pout against the shoulder. i would also have malfunctioned.
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seanthesheep • OP
he’s fine. he actually felt a lot better after. which is the whole point, the hug helped him and that’s good, i’m glad it helped, everyone should be glad it helped. moving on.
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lemongrief
you are not glad it helped
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seanthesheep • OP
i am glad it helped
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lemongrief
you posted this at midnight
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seanthesheep • OP
i couldn’t sleep
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lemongrief
we can tell
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jamieagle
OP i can help you
answer: no
diagnosis: you’re down bad like horrendously bad
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supershyshyshy
it sounds like you care a lot about him, and seeing someone else take care of him made you feel something you weren’t expecting. but that doesn’t make you a bad person. you’re just a bit confused.
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seanthesheep • OP
i’m not confused
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windowseat
you made a reddit post.
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spaghetti
lol
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seanthesheep • OP
thank you. finally a normal person.
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spaghetti
i also think you have a crush on K
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seanthesheep • OP
nevermind
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cloverbunny
i just want to say that, based on everything described in this post, K sounds genuinely lovely. the way he just went when M opened his arms, the small laugh, the pout. i would also be down bad. i can’t even blame OP. OP has terrible taste in problems and great taste in best friends.
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imbored
the folding into the hug was what got me. i don’t even know this person, and i understand OP.
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lemongrief
like K is such a cutie who just needed some comfort because he was stressed about his test
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seanthesheep • OP
i was gone for twenty minutes, and now you’re all talking about K like you know him
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cloverbunny
OP, you told us about him in extraordinary detail. we feel like we do. honestly, K sounds kind of perfect, the tucking himself into the hug thing alone…
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seanthesheep • OP
okay can we not
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cloverbunny
the pout too 🥹 if i were in either M’s or your position, i would’ve given him the world by now
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seanthesheep • OP
M can’t give him the world, no matter how hard he tries
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lemongrief
…there it is. there’s the jealousy.
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imbored
NOT homophobic. confirmed!
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seanthesheep • OP
you guys suck
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twinwherehaveubeen
does K smile with his whole face or just his mouth. important question. extremely relevant to the case.
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seanthesheep • OP
whole face. it’s annoying how his eyes crinkle, his little cheek dimples show, and that big, wide ass smile of his takes over his face.
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handsup
oh! he answered so fast, and then said it was annoying. it is not annoying to him. he is FERAL about this.
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mintchocochip
he said “obviously” like K’s whole face smile is just a known fact of the universe. he added “annoying” to seem nonchalant and detached, but it didn’t work lmao
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seanthesheep • OP
i would like everyone to know i answered that in the spirit of helpfulness, and i regret it
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twinwherehaveubeen
no you answered it because someone asked you about K and you cannot help yourself
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windowseat
i want everyone to appreciate that OP came here genuinely asking if he hates gay people and is leaving, having described his best friend’s facial expressions in forensic detail to a live audience of forty thousand strangers.
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swimswim
the character development has been incredible to witness in real time
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hawaiianpizza
and he still won’t say the word
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seanthesheep • OP
what word
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hawaiianpizza
crush
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seanthesheep • OP
why is there no one helpful on this website
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windowseat
he’s going to close the app. he’ll be back in eleven minutes.
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imfearlesshuh
you want my honest opinion? you didn’t just describe a hug, you described every single microscopic detail of a thirty-second interaction—the pout, the hands, the laugh—and it sounds a lot like you were watching very carefully and have probably replayed it a million times in your head. that is not a person who is uncomfortable. that is a person who is extremely, tragically, hopelessly interested.
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seanthesheep • OP
i have a good memory
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imfearlesshuh
for K specifically
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cheeseball
case closed.
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chaosgoblin25
OP have you considered just sending K this thread
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seanthesheep • OP
absolutely not
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chaosgoblin25
why not
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seanthesheep • OP
hmm i don’t know, maybe because i described his face on a public forum, and then forty thousand people decided they were also in love with him, and i would like to keep my dignity
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thatsredred
“and then forty thousand people decided they were also in love with him”
OP.
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fahfahfah
HOLY SHIT HE SAID IT!! HE SAID “ALSO”
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iloveseals
ALSO. AS IN. IN ADDITION TO HIMSELF.
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seanthesheep • OP
i meant that they all think they’re in love with him. i didn’t say i was.
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thatsredred
you said “also”
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seanthesheep • OP
i hate this website
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iloveseals
update us when you talk to him. we’re invested now. we’re K’s fan club and we want him to be happy.
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chaosgoblin25
we are also rooting for OP. secondarily.
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seanthesheep • OP
i’m not updating you. i’m never coming back to this thread. goodbye.
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thatsredred
he’ll be back
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windowseat
he’ll be back
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spaghetti
he’ll be back
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justlurkingaround
i found this thread at 3 am, and i have been here for an hour. i have work tomorrow. thanks OP.
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gdaymate
same. i don’t even know these people lmao
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fahfahfah
OP really said let me keep forty thousand strangers up past midnight over a hug between high school students
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mintchocochip
it’s lowkey so worth it though i need to know if K finds out.
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seanthesheep • OP
K is not going to find out. nobody is going to tell K. this is an anonymous post. i am going to close this app and go to sleep, and tomorrow everything will be normal.
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justlurkingaround
boy let’s be so fr now
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cantuseeme
OP, when K smiles at you specifically, do you have to look away or can you hold eye contact?
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seanthesheep • OP
that is not a relevant question
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cantuseeme
you can’t hold eye contact??? you have to look away??? so when K does the whole face smile at you, you have to physically look somewhere else. oh gosh, you’ve been coping with this for who knows how long.
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seanthesheep • OP
i didn’t confirm that
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cantuseeme
you didn’t deny it
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madealist
K smiling his whole face smile directly at OP and OP having to look at the wall to survive. this is the funniest and saddest thing ever
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itsme
omg K is just living his life completely unaware that his best friend is running damage control every time he smiles
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liketortilla
ok genuine question though. if K hugged YOU like that, how would you feel? would you pull away or stay?
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seanthesheep • OP
does that matter?
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liketortilla
yes.
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liketortilla
hello?? did you die??
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lemongrief
he would stay. he would stay so long. he would stay longer than K did with M. the silence said everything.
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seanthesheep • OP
i was thinking about something else
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liketortilla
right
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touchgrass
final question from me, and then i’ll leave you alone: on a scale of one to ten, how bad would it be if K found out about this post?
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seanthesheep • OP
fourteen
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imbored
he answered so fast
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fahfahfah
OP… fourteen. no hesitation.
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touchgrass
why fourteen specifically?
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seanthesheep • OP
because he would look at me with that face, and i would have to leave the country
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motherquacker
THAT FACE??? WHICH FACE??? THE WHOLE FACE SMILE??? OP COME BACK.
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windowseat
“i would have to leave the country.” he said leave the country. over a face. K’s face specifically. OP is so far gone.
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twinwherehaveubeen
wishing you the best of luck, OP. go talk to K. he’s going to make that face at you and it’s going to be fine.
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seanthesheep • OP
i am not going to talk to K about this. K is not going to find out about this. this is an anonymous account. no one knows who i am. i am going to close this app, go to sleep, and wake up like any normal person would tomorrow.
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spaghetti
lol
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chaosgoblin25
wait i need to ask something. do you ever do things for K? like do you look after him in little ways?
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seanthesheep • OP
i just do normal friend stuff. if he forgets his jacket or hand warmers, i give him mine. i always get his order right when i’m buying for the group because he’s always too shy to ask for little ice. stuff like if we’re walking somewhere, i make sure he’s on the inside of the footpath and if it’s crowded i stay a bit closer so he doesn’t get pushed around because he doesn’t like that. if he falls asleep in class, i wake him up before the teacher notices. or sometimes i just let him sleep for a bit if he looks really tired and then tell him what he missed later. i carry extra snacks because he forgets to eat when he’s busy.but again, i don’t see how any of that is relevant to this situation.
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naniplum
wow
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chaosgoblin25
you give him your jacket and hand warmers. you have memorised his coffee order. plus all those other ridiculously whipped actions for the sake of K’s comfort and happiness. and you came here asking if you’re homophobic.
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seanthesheep • OP
those are just normal things to do for a friend
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thatsredred
do u do those things for M and J too
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seanthesheep • OP
…
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fahfahfah
THE ELLIPSIS. HE WENT QUIET. HE KNOWS.
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mintchocochip
he has a personalised care system built specifically for K and thought it was standard friend behaviour. wow.
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chaosgoblin25
K is being doted on by someone who is convinced he is just being a normal friend. K has no idea. this is the funniest thing i have ever read.
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handsup
describe K in three words. go.
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seanthesheep • OP
annoying. kind. endearing.
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handsup
ENDEARING. HE SAID ENDEARING.
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motherquacker
he answered straight away, didn’t even think about it. annoying kind endearing. the “annoying” first like he’s trying to seem detached and then KIND and ENDEARING right after. he’s gone. he’s so gone.
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gdaymate
the “annoying” is doing zero work, like it has no power whatsoever, because endearing cancelled it out immediately
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lemongrief
K is endearing. OP thinks K is endearing. this dude is down so bad to the point where he has reached the earth’s core.
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seanthesheep • OP
i said annoying first. that was my primary descriptor.
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handsup
you said endearing last. that’s what you left us with. that’s the one that stuck.
⇧ 29.4kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
i’m going to delete my account
⇧ 56ᅠ⇩
lemongrief
screenshots have already been taken
⇧ 18.7kᅠ⇩
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paperclips
genuine question: does K know you do all this for him like does he actually notice
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seanthesheep • OP
i mean he says thank you. it’s not like he’s oblivious, he just doesn’t make a big deal out of it, which i appreciate because i’m not doing it to get credit or anything, it just makes sense for me to do it
⇧ 5kᅠ⇩
swimswim
“it just makes sense for me to do it” is the most in-love thing i have ever heard someone say while not knowing they’re in love
⇧ 29.4kᅠ⇩
paperclips
it makes sense. to him specifically. no further explanation offered. i need to lie down.
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swimswim
K accepting all of this and just saying thank you without making a big deal is taking me out. K is receiving a full-time personal assistant and is like “yeah this is just my best friend, he’s like this.”
⇧ 18.4kᅠ⇩
chaosgoblin25
K baby wake up, your best friend is in love with you
⇧ 39kᅠ⇩
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guesswho
for the shits and giggles, i need to know what colour you think K is
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seanthesheep • OP
i don’t see what’s funny about this, but that’s a hard question. maybe red because he’s the epitome of love, born on valentine’s day. or yellow because he’s like sunshine in human form, it’s hard not to smile when he’s around. but also blue because he loves swimming and the water suits him. wait. nevermind. i’d say pink because he’s pink everywhere, like he blushes really easily, and he’s objectively very pretty.
⇧ 40kᅠ⇩
guesswho
oh
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thatsredred
oh my god
⇧ 29.2kᅠ⇩
fahfahfah
what the fuck did i just read
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windowseat
umm OP i knew you were down bad, but i didn’t realise it was this bad…
⇧ 37.1kᅠ⇩
spaghetti
“it’s hard not to smile when he’s around” and “he’s pink everywhere, like he blushes really easily, and he’s objectively very pretty”
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imbored
i’m cryinggg i guess he’s started seeing everything through a rainbow lens after that hug
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iloveseals
he’s in love, your honour.
⇧ 44kᅠ⇩
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naniplum
i need everyone to go back and reread edit 2. “i didn’t expect this many replies, but i feel like no one’s getting my point.” OP. what IS your point? what point do you believe you are making that we are missing??
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swimswim
the point is he’s ‘homophobic’. that’s the point he thinks he’s making.
⇧ 21.4kᅠ⇩
imbored
he wrote four paragraphs about a boy he finds endearing and pretty and then got annoyed that we weren’t diagnosing him with homophobia
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seanthesheep • OP
the point is that i had a weird involuntary reaction to something and i’m trying to understand why. that’s the point.
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cheeseball
we understand why. we’ve been telling you why for hours. you keep disagreeing with the why.
⇧ 28.6kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
because the why is wrong
⇧ 203ᅠ⇩
cheeseball
according to you, K is pink and sunshine and love and pretty. you announced that to around forty thousand people. the why is not wrong.
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wherewolf
let’s rewind to the hug for a sec. you said K hesitated before going over to M. do you think K would hesitate if it were you?
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seanthesheep • OP
i don’t know why that’s relevant to this discussion
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wherewolf
humour me
⇧ 28.2kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
probably not. he doesn’t really hesitate with me. we’re just comfortable like that ig
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wherewolf
K hesitated with M but would NOT hesitate with OP. K would just go. immediately. without thinking. i am going to pass away.
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motherquacker
“we’re just comfortable like that” he said it so casually?? they’re COMFORTABLE as in K would walk straight into OP’s arms without a second thought and OP is here asking if he’s homophobic.
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iloveseals
K hesitating before going to M but not before going to OP is actually insane information to have. sit with that OP.
⇧ 37.4kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
it just means we’re close friends
⇧ 11ᅠ⇩
wherewolf
sure. so you have a very normal close friend who is pink and sunshine and pretty and endearing and makes you want to leave the country when he smiles. congrats.
⇧ 38.9kᅠ⇩
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blowitup
wait i just caught something. OP said K is “too shy to ask for little ice.” K is shy about asking for small things at a coffee shop but will just walk straight into a hug when someone says come here. K is selective and i think OP is very aware of every single instance in which this happens.
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mintchocochip
the fact that OP noticed K never asks for little ice and just started doing it for him. without being asked. now it’s become a lifestyle.
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blowitup
K doesn’t even know his order is being handled by OP. he’s just been receiving his perfect drink every time and probably thinks he’s lucky.
⇧ 29.1kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
he mentioned it once and then never brought it up again because he didn’t want to be annoying about it. so i just remembered.
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blowitup
he mentioned it ONCE. and OP filed it away permanently and has been acting on it ever since without ever making K feel like he’s a burden for having preferences. i’m going to go cry in my car brb
⇧ 42.3kᅠ⇩
supershyshyshy
K apologises for needing comfort and OP quietly makes sure his drink is right every single time so he never has to ask. they are going to get married and neither of them will see it coming.
⇧ 31.6kᅠ⇩
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blushpink
OP, the colour answer. “born on valentine’s day.” you know when K’s birthday is.
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seanthesheep • OP
we’re best friends. of course i know when his birthday is??
⇧ 1.5kᅠ⇩
blushpink
valentine’s day. your best friend was born on valentines day and you said he is “the epitome of love.” on a public forum. while asking if you’re homophobic.
⇧ 34.6kᅠ⇩
fahfahfah
he called him the epitome of love and sunshine in human form. in a post titled “am i homophobic.” i can’t with this guy
⇧ 22.2kᅠ⇩
blushpink
K was literally born on the holiday for love and OP is like “anyway i might be homophobic”
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seanthesheep • OP
i meant it in a general sense. he’s a loving person, which is a normal observation.
⇧ 202ᅠ⇩
fahfahfah
brother
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cloverbunny
okay so we have: endearing, kind, sunshine, pretty, pink, valentine’s day baby, blushes easily, cute laugh, the pout, whole face smile, shy about asking for little things, comfortable enough to walk straight into OP’s arms without hesitating. and OP came here asking if he hates gay people. i need a minute.
⇧ 31.4kᅠ⇩
thatsredred
“blushes easily” was buried in the colour answer and i almost missed it. damn. OP knows K blushes easily. OP has been watching.
⇧ 19.2kᅠ⇩
windowseat
K is an adorable valentine’s day baby who blushes easily and smiles with his whole face and his best friend is out here at midnight asking the internet if he’s a bad person. i am not well.
⇧ 18.4kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
i would like everyone to know the colour question was asked “for the shits and giggles” and i answered in good faith and i am being punished for it
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cloverbunny
you answered with your whole heart and that’s not our fault
⇧ 24.7kᅠ⇩
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madealist
why has no one asked this yet… when K said sorry for the hug, did you say anything back to him??
⇧ 21.9kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
no, i didn’t say anything. i wanted to tell him he didn’t have to apologise but i couldn’t figure out how to say it without it being weird so
⇧ 25.7kᅠ⇩
madealist
OP swallowing “you don’t have to apologise to me, ever, for anything” and just sitting there in silence with his pen. i’m not going to recover from this thread.
⇧ 34.2kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
it would have come out wrong. it’s fine.
⇧ 344ᅠ⇩
madealist
it’s not fine and you know it’s not fine. that’s why you’re still here.
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gremlin
okay i’ve been in this thread for hours and i need to say something directly to OP: you are not a bad person. you are not homophobic. you are someone who cares about K in a way you haven’t come to terms with yet. and that’s okay. name it when you’re ready. go and get some sleep. good luck.
⇧ 44.4kᅠ⇩
hawaiianpizza
aww even the trolls are becoming soft over these two
⇧ 14.2kᅠ⇩
seanthesheep • OP
…thanks ig
⇧ 24.8kᅠ⇩