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First emotion: panic.
Why was he here? Why was he in a bed, with Lance , feeling better rested than he had in years?
Second emotion: desire.
Why was Lance’s arms curled tightly around him, as if he didn’t want to let Keith go? How was his face so adorable in the early morning light?
Third emotion: fear.
What would Lance do when he woke up? Would he joke it off? Would he snarl and shove him away? Would he freeze in shock?
Fourth: Remembrance.
Thoughts filtered into his brain, beyond the panicked alarms screeching that Lance’s lips were right in front of him and oh my god-
There had only been 2 huts from the villagers that lived on the Planet they saved. Pidge had fallen asleep and the lions needed some small repairs so they decided to just stay the night. After much complaining, the two had eventually constructed a pillow wall and fell asleep. But that wall was quite obviously missing.
A low mumbling made Keith’s veins turn to ice. No, no no no-
Keith stopped breathing as Lance nuzzled his face into his hair.
Next thing he knew he was thrown off the bed.
Groaning, he sat up, glaring at a wide-eyed Lance. “Dude WHAT THE FU-”
His anger stumbled as he saw Lance’s red face. They stared at each other for a long minute before Lance burst into nervous chatter.
“Dude I’m so sorry, I thought I was dreaming- what happened to the pillows? Haha I must’ve had a nightmare sorry, sorry. Erm.. Nice weather we’re having, yeah?”
Keith calmed his pounding heart. “Lance… we’re inside.”
The other just laughed nervously. “Yeah, yeah I suppose would you look at that- say is that Hunk calling my name? I’m just gonna-”
Keith stared as the door slammed, cutting off the rest of the sentence.
He felt his shoulders sag, lungs deflating. Curling in on himself, he silently cursed the universe.
Why did he have to like Lance of all people?
***
Lance ignored Keith for the rest of the day.
Even back in the castle, Lance soundly ignored him. No, that wasn’t the right word… Avoided. He avoided Keith, quickly walking out of rooms he went into. Making poor excuses when they met in the hall. Attaching himself to Hunk for group exercises.
Keith tried to pretend that it was fine. That he didn’t die a little inside every time Lance turned the other direction, that his heart didn’t feel heavy and black, oozing from in irreparable wound.
It was fine.
This continued for a week.
***
“Yo! Keith!”
He jumped as long arms wrapped around him, as a sharp chin dug a home into his shoulder. “Whatcha doin?”
He froze. What. The. Fuck??
“Get off.”
“Aww man, you’re no fun!”
The chin moved, but the arms stayed firmly tight around his chest. Memories of that morning shivered through him, memories he had locked away since Lance started ignoring him. In seconds he had broken out of the loose hold, hands held up menacingly.
“ Don't. Touch. Me. ”
Shock coursed through the blue paladin’s expression, before it settled on something that looked awfully close to… acceptance?
“I- sorry. Of course.”
Keith stared blankly at Lance, because that voice… it had sounded sad. Lance wasn’t ever sad, he could be bleeding and about to die but the only time he was sad was when he was homesick.
Something sank within Keith as he realized he’d messed up. “Lance, wai-”
But he was already gone.
***
The silence became even more unbearable. This time Lance didn’t even bother with excuses. It wasn’t even morose looks and complaining, just… silence.
They’d team up but Lance would say nothing, shots going wide and concentration failing.
They’d eat at meals but Lance would only talk flamboyantly, never mentioning Keith at his side.
They’d fight in their lions but there wasn’t any bickering.
One time at dinner Allura slammed her hands down on the table. “Okay, I’ve had enough. I gave you time to figure this out, but it’s still the same. What the quiznak is going on with you two?”
Lance simply laughed. “What?” He leaned in. “Did Hunk and Pidge fight or somethin?”
She glared at Lance. “Really? What is going on with you and Keith!?”
“Oh! Nothing?”
Her eyes had flashed, and she turned to Keith. “Don’t you dare play it off… too….”
Keith stared at his plate, not answering Allura as she trailed off. Was he crying? No… no but he certainly felt close. He didn’t cry. No.
He abruptly stood. “I’m going.”
Without another word he walked out of the room.
Shiro found him an hour later, in full battle mode against the simulator.
“Round end.”
Keith glared at Shiro as he issued the command, sweat pouring from his body.
“I was just getting to the higher levels.”
“You can’t just fight your problems away. Especially when they’re affecting the team like this. It wasn’t like before, what happened between you two?”
Keith laughs, bitterly. “I don’t even know, okay? We woke up on that one planet cuddling. Cuddling, Shiro. And you know what? He fucking nuzzled into my hair. Then next thing I’m thrown off the bed and he’s running out of the room. So a week passes.” His fingers tighten around the bayard. “Of him avoiding me like the plague, when he just comes up! Like everything is fine, and wraps his arms around me. Well everything ISN’T FINE! I- I like him, Shiro, and he just goes on as if nothing happened.” The tears he managed to stop earlier are now dripping from his face, but he’s too angry to brush them aside. “I snap, I tell him not to touch me because I want to figure this out but he just… looks at me like I kicked his puppy. Like I kicked him and now? Now it’s as if I don’t exist.”
Shiro stares in shock at the well of emotion that is bubbling up from inside him. He just can’t make it stop.
He feels his anger deflate, suddenly, and all that’s left is the crippling sadness. Because it’s his fault, but he doesn’t even know what he did wrong.
“Keith, Lance… cares about you. More than he’d like to admit, and he always takes things to extremes. He probably misunderstood what you said somehow- he probably thinks he’s acting just how you want him to. So just… try and talk to him. Ok? For Voltron if nothing else.”
Keith just slowly nods, staring unseeingly at the floor as Shiro walks out.
***
It’s late when he finally builds up the courage to move. He pads down the halls, making his way towards the observation deck. He half expects Lance to be there, because they used to fall asleep looking at the stars together.
His reflection is interrupted when he hears a scream and bursts into the room, eyes searching for any danger. Call him paranoid but that scream had been one of pure terror.
His eyes drop to the huddled form on the floor, to a broken body from which he only hears broken sobs.
The bayard drops to the floor. “Lance!?”
The boy is still shaking when Keith wraps his arms around him. “Lance wake up it was just a nightmare, buddy you’re fine. Lance. ”
The form stops, breathing slowing to a normal pace. But then it speeds up again. “ Please just let me wake up” He whispers, eyes squeezing shut.
“Lance, you are awake”
He just shakes his head. “No, no Keith wouldn’t wake me up. Go away, GO AWAY! LEAVE ME ALONE!”
Keith jerks back and stares at Lance, who’s sobbing uncontrollably now. The sudden fit of anger leaves and he just sinks to the floor.
“Is that…” Keith clears his throat, eyes burning. “Really what you think of me?”
There’s no answer, so Keith gives nothing more in return.
He doesn’t even realize he’s crying until the pillow fabric rubs wetly against his cheek.
***
A knock on his door wakes him up. He glances at the time and groans. He’s not really much of a sleeper but it’s two o’clock in the morning. Not that he was sleeping very well anyways.
He wants to yell at them to go away, but something tells him not to. He gets up and slowly opens the door-
He freezes, face to face with Lance.
“Hey…” He says quietly.
Keith starts to move aside but quickly shakes his head. “I just wanted to ask… earlier-”
“You weren’t dreaming.” His hands itch to cup that beautiful face, those sad eyes who drown in their own color. “I- that- you weren’t dreaming.”
There’s a beat of silence before Lance lets out a breathy laugh. “Ok.”
Then the door is closing, pulled gently from his hands, and he’s left in the dark of his room once more.
***
He knows they have to talk. Wants it, more than ever, especially when today he gets a small smile. It’s… more than he’s gotten in weeks.
Those words keep echoing in his head. ‘Keith wouldn’t wake me up’. Why? Why did Lance think that?
That vulnerable expression, cast in shadow by the dim lighting of the castle, asking him if he’d really been there. As if he wasn’t sure. What did he dream about, if he wasn’t sure?
The screams, both the yell of terror that made him want to hold Lance tightly and never let go, and the ones directed at him. Telling him to leave, to go away…
He wants to talk, but then there’s an alarm and the Galra are stealing the chance away.
***
“It’s just a minor injury, he’ll be up within the hour!” Coran says cheerfully, trying to shoo the paladins out of the pod room.
“I- I’m gonna wait.”
“Keith, it’s just-”
“I know.”
The others ponder those words for a minute before shrugging it off and leaving. Pidge whispers something along the lines of ‘I wonder if they’ll figure everything out now’.
That was something to hope for.
***
The whoosh of the pod jerks Keith out of the trance he had fallen into. He catches Lance in his arms, feeling blood rush to his cheeks at the way their bodies fit together so perfectly.
“K-Keith?” Lance sounds surprised, and then he tries to back away but falls, still unsteady on his feet.
He stares up at Keith from his position on the floor, looking confused.
He doesn’t know how to do this. Gods, he’s going to mess it up- but at this point there’s so little to lose and so much to gain .
“Lance.” He takes a deep breath, carefully kneeling beside him. “Please just… listen.”
“But- why would you catch me?”
“You think I would let you fall onto the floor?”
A beat of silence. “Yeah? I mean, you seemed fairly adamant about me not touching you.”
“No” Keith’s eyes widen at his own outburst. “I mean- that’s not- ugghh” He runs a frusturated hand down his face. “I didn’t mean that. I did, but- just because you’d been avoiding me. All week, but then you just waltzed up like it was fine and… and it wasn’t fine. I wasn’t fine.”
“I didn’t realize waking up next to me would be so bad.”
“That’s not it! That’s not it at all. I-” It was hard to say, hard to make his mouth form the words when he’d locked it up for so long. But he had to. He had to say this.
“The reason I snapped at you not to touch me is because you don’t touch me enough.”
Silence greets the words, the weight of them hanging in the air.
A dry laugh cuts through the space. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
Keith isn’t sure where the courage comes from, but he lays a hand on Lance’s cheek. Those beautiful eyes widen, those plush lips part slightly. “It means-” His breath is heavy as he leans forward, closer into the soundless divide that separates them. “That I want to touch you.”
He goes to move away, courage spent, but then thin fingers squeeze his wrist. His heart starts to beat, a frightened rabbit, a fluttering hummingbird.
There’s barely any space between them now. Their breaths mingle as they fan across each other's cheeks, stained red beneath castle lights.
“You want me to?”
More than anything. “Yes.”
Then it’s happening. Lips are pressing against his, so softly, so gently, as if he was afraid Keith would burst into smoke.
A hand snakes around him, pulling him closer, tongue pushing against his mouth. He lets Lance in, nearly buckling at the soft touch. Somehow his hand has ended up in his hair and the kiss isn’t feather light anymore, but filled with years worth of emotions and yearning. They separate for a quick breath before diving back in, craving.
He barely hears the words, but they’re there and it sends chills skittering down his spine. “ Mine. ”
Teeth bite down on his lip and he lets out a whine quickly caught by the other boys eager lips.
“Hey Keith, is he awa- whoa”
They spring apart, eyes wide and stammering between heaving breaths.
“We uh-”
“We weren’t-”
“That wasn’t-”
“Guys, chill. If it didn’t happen by the end of the week Pidge was going to shove you in a closet.”
Two sets of eyes slowly blink. “What?”
“Oh come on, you think we haven’t noticed the looks you give each other when you think the other isn’t looking?”
Keith isn’t sure about his own face, but he knows that Lance’s is bright red. Then he’s laughing, and damn him if that isn’t the best sound in the universe.
Keith crawls over, leaning close to whisper in his ear. “Mine.”
Lance goes ten shades darker as Keith stands up, laughing.
Because as long as he can see that smile, everything is going to be alright.