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When Hueningkai announced he's gonna drag him into some vintage record shop across the street from their school, Soobin only groaned and agreed reluctantly (not that he had a choice, anyway). Now, standing there, looking into the prettiest eyes he's ever seen, he thanks Hueningkai in his mind a thousand times over.
The girl in front of him has a mask on her face and her head is covered with a hood but he can tell she's gorgeous underneath that and he wonders why she covers herself. Her eyes are deep brown and they shine like honey in the sunlight creeping in through the windows. She has a little star drawn on the side of her left eye with eyeliner. It's all so cute it makes his breath stop for a second.
He barely hears Hueningkai tease him about how he's staring and he can't care less about that in this moment. He's mesmerised. In a trance. In love. Okay, that's too far but if he keeps standing there, he thinks, he actually might fall for her.
The girl seems surprised to see him here, as if they know each other already. She smiles with her eyes at him with a soft tilt of her head nonetheless and Soobin melts. His heart does that little flip and his legs feel weak. He needs to die right now. That's the only way for him to die happy.
He tries to utter a few words, ask for her number but he's stuttering and embarrassing himself, and his friend isn't having it so he pulls him out of the shop, cursing him out.
“Seriously, dude, what the hell was that?” Hueningkai scoffs, hitting the back of his head with an open palm.
“I think I just fell in love with her,” he chokes out, throat tight.
“Her?” Kai furrows his brows, confused. Not exactly about the choice of person to be enamored with, no. It's something else and Soobin can't put his finger on what exactly it is.
“Yeah! Did you see her eyes? She's– God, I need to have her.”
“Soobin that's a–” he pauses, changing his mind mid-sentence. He can have fun with that. “You know what? Sure.”
“See!” Soobin exclaims in excitement. “We need to come here more often!”
“Just so you can potentially get laid?” Hueningkai crosses his arms.
“No, so I can stare at the love of my life and not do anything about it, duh?” Soobin scoffs.
“I'm unfortunately not sure which one makes you more pathetic,” Kai cuts the conversation short and starts walking towards the café they agreed to get drinks at. His friend is the stupidest being on Earth when it comes to relationships. Or just interacting with people other than him. “By the way…what do you think about checking out the school band's show next month?” he offers, not letting Soobin embarrass himself more by talking about the girl he's supposedly in love with.
“No way, you know I hate crowds,” Soobin refuses immediately, a frown on his face at the sole thought of going to a place with loud music and countless people.
“C'mon! You have to go with me, please,” Kai puts on his best kicked puppy face. “Yeonjun hyung is in the band, did I not tell you? I can't not go to support him and I don't wanna go alone.”
“Yeonjun as in, your boyfriend Yeonjun?” he raises an eyebrow.
“Duh, we don't know any other Yeonjun hyungs. He's amazing, I swear!” Kai exclaims in excitement. “And Beomgyu is their guitarist…” he adds, voice quieter.
“I swear to God if you don't stop with that–” Soobin's jaw is clenched now, he's irritated.
Hueningkai has been dead set on convincing Soobin that he has a crush on Beomgyu since the beginning of this school year. Which is ridiculous, really, because not only did he exchange maybe five words with the guy but he's also straight, for crying out loud. His friend calls it denial and he calls him delusional. That's how all their conversations about Beomgyu go.
Since that day, Soobin became a regular at the record shop, visiting it at least twice a week, with or without Hueningkai.
The mysterious girl is always there but he can't work up the courage to talk to her or even ask for some recommendations, so most of the time he just wanders around the store, trying to appear interested in what he's seeing.
His friend laughs and calls him performative but he brushes it off with a roll of his eyes.
He hates that he's so awkward around new people and feels something almost physically block him from trying to speak to the girl. And she's so sweet, she keeps greeting him with the happiest eyes, even if visibly tired. He notices all the whimsy shapes she draws with eyeliner around her eyes and finds it endearing. Her nails also stand out, always matching the colour of her eyeliner.
Soobin is still curious why she covers herself, as if she doesn't want anyone to know she works here. He's not gonna ask, of course. He's too much of a coward for that.
It takes Hueningkai a bit of time but he finally convinces Soobin to go to their school band's small concert in the gym hall. It's a bit chilly in there at first, the heaters not doing much against the cold February weather but with dozens of people gathered up around them, it quickly becomes warm. Too hot, Soobin groans in his thoughts which are coincidentally synced with the moment he makes eye contact with the band's guitarist.
They're in the same class, him and Beomgyu, but they've never interacted much. Just a few words here and there, one maybe two group projects together. Soobin hasn't paid much attention to him, or so he thinks. Because this time, when Beomgyu is on stage, performing a song that quickly becomes Soobin's favourite from them (It's called Run Away, Hueningkai yell-whispers to him through the loud crowd), he's looking straight at Soobin. And it feels like they've met a lot of times before, spent more than five minutes talking during class exchanging their opinions on boring subjects their English teacher assigned them.
Soobin's eyes are fixated on the little star drawn over the boy's eye in a purplish blue color. It's pretty, he thinks, matches his nails. Said nails were a similar color to the star, with white zigzags and dots painted across them. It feels weirdly familiar but he's too immersed in the show to realise why.
He finds himself fascinated by the way Beomgyu's hair sways with him as he dances on the stage, the blond highlights mixing with his natural hair; his fingers moving smoothly over the strings of the guitar or the perfect slope of his nose, glistening with silver glitter. Okay, what the fuck? Take a step back, Choi Soobin.
He doesn't. He takes a step closer instead. Both metaphorically and literally. He moves closer to the stage (Hueningkai looks at him like he's gone insane but helps him through the crowd nonetheless) and begins to notice even more details. The drops of sweat on the boy's forehead. The way he bites his lip while going through a particularly hard part of the song. The subtle raise of his mouth when he catches Soobin staring unashamedly at him.
It feels like a déjà vu (which, ironically, is also the title of the next song the band plays), like he's seen those micro expressions before. He's analysed them beforehand in someone else. He's admired them, felt mesmerised by them.
This time, though, it feels more real. Feels like getting drowned in the ocean, being pulled down by your ankle and finding yourself not wanting to swim back up. He finds comfort in the feeling that settles in his belly, unrelenting and bordering on painful in certain moments (the ones when their eyes cross paths). He hates how much he likes it. How easily he could get used to it if he had to. Hates the familiarity with which his entire body buzzes from fingertips to toes, a warm wave of electricity running through him and consuming him whole.
There's a moment where the gym light flashes through Beomgyu's eyes in a specific way that makes Soobin's heart stop.
Because why do his eyes look exactly like those of the mysterious girl from the record store?
Soobin tells himself he's imagining things. It's definitely Hueningkai's fault for talking too much about Soobin's alleged crush on Beomgyu.
What other reason would there be for him to suddenly find so many similarities between these two if not his friend's delusions?
The show itself is very nice, Soobin has to admit that. When Hueningkai first offered to go see the show, he thought he's just gonna watch another mediocre wannabe band but the three guys up on stage make it clear that it is serious business for them and Soobin can't help but admire that.
In the moments he manages to tear his eyes away from Beomgyu (he's not yet sure why it's so hard for him to do it) he watches Yeonjun play the bass while winking to Kai and he rolls his eyes at that. He then looks at the singer– Taehyun, if he remembers correctly, and when said guy hits a particularly high note perfectly Soobin's jaw drops. That much is enough to confirm that they didn't come here to play around.
It's mere seconds before his eyes land back on Beomgyu and he just looks so cool Soobin wants to die. How does one achieve such insane stage presence?
Beomgyu is leaning back slightly as his fingers glide across the electric guitar's strings in perfect harmony with Taehyun's singing and Yeonjun's bass. The focused frown that paints his face looks almost cute and Soobin actually slaps himself across the face for thinking that. Hueningkai shoots him a confused look which quickly turns into a knowing, almost scheming one. His friend is scary sometimes.
When the show ends, Soobin feels oddly sad, a strange emptiness settling in his chest.
He wants to keep listening to their songs.
He wants to keep looking at Beomgyu without it being seen as weird. Because he simply admires his classmate's talent and wants to see more of it, absorb it whole.
When Soobin visits the record shop with Hueningkai the next day, the girl isn't there. It makes Soobin a little sad but it's the first time he can actually focus on finding something for himself and not stealing glances at his crush.
“You know, Yeonjun's band is having practice now,” Hueningkai says out of nowhere, looking through the vinyls neatly put in boxes on the shelves.
“Huh? Why are you telling me this?” Soobin furrows his brows. To say he's confused is an understatement. Sure, Kai says the most random things all the time but this one doesn't feel random. It's targeted at him specifically. And he has no idea why.
“No reason,” Hueningkai shrugs. “I'll probably go visit them later,” Soobin only nods to that, his focus back on the vinyls.
His eyes subconsciously dart to the counter only to see an old man behind it. Right, she's not here today.
And in that moment, it doesn't click yet.
“By the way, did you enjoy the show last night?” his friend turns to him once again.
“Yeah, it was better than I expected,” Soobin nods. “The singer, uh, Taehyun? His high notes are impressive.”
“That's all you're gonna say?”
“What else am I supposed to say?”
“I don't know…maybe mention the fact that you couldn't stop staring at Beomgyu the entire time?” Hueningkai is going to have a field day with this, isn't he? Soobin groans at the teasing lilt in his tone before brushing it off.
“That doesn't mean anything, he just looked cool while playing the guitar,” he shrugs. “Besides, I have a crush on the girl from here.”
“Right, the girl,” Kai repeats in a condescending tone. “Whose name you still don't know, if you forgot about it,” he points out.
“I didn't. And I'll find out one day, you have to give me time!”
“It's been over a month, hyung, you're just embarrassing yourself,” leave it to Kai to be brutally honest. “You should go for it the next time you see her, I think she likes you too.”
“Weren't you just going on about me and Beomgyu?” his friend is so confusing sometimes.
Most of the time.
Well, always.
“I mean, if you wanna keep being in denial then just ask her out,” he shrugs. “What's there for you to lose?”
“I guess nothing,” Soobin nods. “It's not like she knows who I am anyway…” in that moment, Hueningkai's phone buzzes with a specific ringtone he has set for Yeonjun's texts.
“Ah, they're already done with–” he doesn't get to finish his sentence as the mysterious girl enters the shop, greeting them sweetly before disappearing into the store's backroom. “–practice. Soobin-ah, what's wrong?” he frowns, noticing the weird look on his friend's face.
Soobin doesn't answer, standing frozen in place, eyes staring blankly into one spot.
In the half a second he could see his crush, what caught his attention were her nails. With the exact same design he saw the day before.
On Beomgyu.
Oh.
Oh.
The realisation crashes into Soobin like a truck when he's sitting at a hotpot restaurant with Hueningkai.
After watching the school band perform, he couldn't get Beomgyu out of his mind. His eyes, ever so familiar. The little star on his eye. The blue nails with white patterns drawn on them (which he was only able to see because he made Hueningkai help him tear through the crowd so he could stand right under the stage). Dark hair with small bleached stripes.
He's not going insane, is he? It has to be the way he thinks it is.
“Hyuka,” he turns to his friend, face morphed into a one you'd see in horror movies when the characters realise the killer is right behind them. “I think– Beomgyu is the girl from the shop,” he gets out, heart beating out of his chest.
“Oh, yeah,” Hueningkai only nods, not looking up at him from his phone.
“What do you mean 'oh, yeah'?! You knew?” he all but screams. Kai finally spares him a glance that says duh, obviously I did. “Why didn't you tell me?!”
“I wanted to– but then I thought it'd be funnier to let you figure it out yourself,” he raises his hands in a defensive motion. “Everybody knows about your unaddressed crush on Beomgyu which you had been ignoring because you think you're straight. It was entertaining.”
“So now you're using me for your personal entertainment?”
“Been for a while,” Kai shrugs, going back to whatever he was doing on his phone.
“Oh, God,” Soobin groans. “I'm in love with Beomgyu,” there, he said it. Now it's real. Finally. “I can't do this, just shoot me,” he panics. “I'm not gay! And he isn't either!”
“Please,” Hueningkai scoffs, lips pursed in a funny way that makes the word sound like he's pushing it through them making a puh sound. “Take a look at that guy again and tell me if he looks straight.”
“You can't judge that by someone's looks!”
“He dated Yeonjun hyung in middle school,” he adds in a passing, as if that's something unimportant.
“Yeonjun? As in, his bandmate, best friend, other half, your boyfriend?” Soobin's eyes are now the size of ping-pong balls, sticking out of his skull.
“Mm, I already told you we don't know any other Yeonjun hyungs,” he nods. “Anyway, he seems to like you. I mean, the girl from the store does.”
“No. No!” it dawns at him just then, a minute and twenty one seconds after saying it out loud, that he's in love with a guy. And not just any guy– Beomgyu! The one he'd always admired for his confidence, sense of fashion and ability to express himself without being scared of getting judged. The one he'd watch from the sidelines during PE lessons, listen to when he sang new songs he wrote to his friends. The one whose goldish brown eyes made his stomach twist with that weird feeling. Feeling he has been too scared to name the entire time. Yeah, now it makes sense.
“Stop panicking,” Hueningkai sighs as he puts his phone down, his full focus now on Soobin. “You wanted to know who the girl from the record shop is, didn't you? So what if it's a dude? It's fate that you fell in love with Beomgyu twice, don't you think?”
“More like a damn curse. What should I even do now? Walk up to him and say 'hey, I just figured out you're the girl from the record shop that I've been pathetically crushing on, please, please, please date me'?”
“Doesn't sound too bad if you ask me.”
“I hate you,” Soobin groans. “Should I tell him? Or, I don't know, block everyone, move schools, hell, move countries and never look back?”
“You can even move planets if you know how to do that,” Kai rolls his eyes. “The crush isn't gonna go away. Just tell him, it's not like you've got something to lose.”
“My dignity? Reputation? Heterosexuality?”
“Long gone, nonexistent now and has never been there, in this order,” his friend giggles, proud of himself before his expression turns dead serious. “Maybe just…ask him to hang out with you? Whether it is the girl or Beomgyu. Though asking him, actually him, is a better option.”
“Right. I can do that. Or can I?” Soobin frowns, both his heart and mind confused. “I can, I'm Choi Soobin, after all,” he decides.
“That's the spirit!” Hueningkai claps his hands. “Maybe during the spring festival? They're gonna play then too.”
It's one of the biggest and most popular events at their school and truly the best time to ask someone to go out– that's what Yeonjun did with Hueningkai two years ago. It was cute but Soobin didn't like the fact that his friend left him alone and wandered off to the various festive stalls with his new boyfriend.
“Perfect, okay, I'm doing that,” he nods, suddenly confident in himself.
I'm not doing that, he tells himself the next time he sees the mysterious girl. Boy. Beomgyu. He's in the record shop with Hueningkai again, this time with an actual purpose– Kai is searching for a specific vinyl. He helps him with that, of course. But not without stealing a million and twenty four glances Beomgyu's way. How did he not notice that before? He had all the answers in front of him the entire time yet he searched heaven and hell for them. All because he refused the possibility of his crush being a guy. He truly was a fool.
With only one week left till the spring festival, he needs to come up with what he's gonna say to Beomgyu once the time comes. Should he congratulate him on his beautiful performance? Give him flowers? Offer to help with cleaning up? Throw himself under a bus?
His stomach ties in tight knots every time he thinks about it. The ever confident Choi Soobin in shambles because of a guy. It really is the end of the world.
And the spring festival comes faster than he expects it to. Now he's stood in the second row of the crowd under the stage as he cheers on a group of girls performing a dance for a competition. Beomgyu's band is next. His heart is in his throat. No, it has already escaped and ran straight to the guy who owns it like it's a dog on a leash.
The moment he notices Beomgyu walk on the stage, everything else vanishes. It's just them two. They make eye contact and Soobin shivers, despite the warm weather. He swears Beomgyu smiles a bit wider as their eyes meet. Or maybe he's just delusional, it doesn't really matter.
Yeonjun makes a short welcome speech and Soobin doesn't even register Hueningkai squealing next to him when his boyfriend dedicates the first song to him. His entire focus is on Beomgyu. It always has been, his mind whispers.
He's gripping the flowers he bought for Beomgyu so tight the stems might break soon. Maybe it's cringe he got them for him, they're not close at all and it's cliché but he doesn't care. He spent the last two weeks spiraling over the fact that his crush is a guy, nothing matters to him anymore. And he knows he most definitely won't be the first one to give Beomgyu something after his show.
It kind of makes him feel sick, the thought of Beomgyu being popular.
Soobin was never the jealous type and that's not the case now either. It's just the thought of Beomgyu choosing someone else over him after he finally accepted his own feelings and decided to do something about them.
Then again, they're not close. Beomgyu probably only knows him as his best friend's boyfriend's friend. Or the guy who has been swarming the store he works at. There's nothing too likeable about him, now that he thinks about it.
But Soobin is no coward. Well, maybe a bit of one. But once he sets his mind on something, he's not backing up from at least trying to achieve it, even if he fails and embarrasses himself.
So, standing under the stage and watching the band perform, he feels a sudden surge of courage. Beomgyu doesn't know him so it won't change anything between them if he makes a fool out of himself.
As the show is nearing its end, Soobin's palms start getting sweaty from nervousness. On his left, Hueningkai is cheering him up in breaks from screaming the songs' lyrics. Even if he finds his friend annoying sometimes, his undying support for him is the most precious gift Soobin has ever been given. He knows he can do anything with Hueningkai by his side.
He barely registers when the performance ends, only realising that when he feels Hueningkai push him closer to the stage.
“Dude, move before he runs away,” he urges Soobin on, almost dragging him to the stage's exit. There's a small group of girls gathered here, most definitely their fans. Hueningkai giggles when he hears his boyfriend tell them off before running to congratulate him on the performance, leaving Soobin alone. Again.
He stands there for a moment awkwardly and his eyes cross paths with Taehyun, who immediately notices the flowers in his hand and sends Beomgyu a knowing look. After that, he makes a U-turn and disappears together with Hueningkai and Yeonjun.
Standing right in front of Beomgyu, Soobin wants to vanish into thin air. He forgot to figure out something he could say. Turns out, he's not ready for this at all. But he's not gonna run away now, he's not a loser.
“Beomgyu…I, uh,” he stumbles over his words the moment he opens his mouth. Embarrassing. Humiliating, even. And Beomgyu just stands there, looking at him with the most sincere smile on his face. Yeah, his eyes look exactly like the mysterious record shop person's when he smiles. “I really liked your show,” he finally gets out, ears turning red. “I got you flowers! Which is stupid because you probably get tons of them anyway and I don't even know if you like them but you don't have to accept them, no hard feelings, I just–”
“Soobin,” Beomgyu interrupts him. “I'll take the flowers, thank you,” he hums, reaching out to accept the gift and Soobin just stares at him dumbfounded. “I'm glad you enjoyed our show. Hearing that always means a lot,” there's a slight blush that appears on his cheeks then, making Soobin smile. That kind of reaction from the boy helps him relax. He doesn't have to worry about anything, does he? “I was thinking, since your friend left with mine…would you like to check out the festival together?”
Correction, he has to worry about his heart, which is now thumping in his ears. Did he hear that right?
“You mean like– just you and I?” Soobin blurts out and he's sure his face is now as red as his jacket.
“Yeah, unless you wanna go alone.”
“No, I– I'd love to go with you,” he has to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from smiling too much.
“Perfect, let's go,” Beomgyu nods, taking a hold of his wrist and tugging him along into the crowd.
At first it's a bit awkward, they're just walking around side by side, checking out the stalls. Soobin attempts at small talk but quickly finds out Beomgyu isn't really the talkative type, so he accepts it.
That is until they find a shooting game Beomgyu insists on trying out. Suddenly, he's the loudest person on Earth, cheering himself on and yelling when he scores.
And don't get Soobin started on how loud Beomgyu squeals when he wins. He's sure he's gone deaf for a second there.
When Beomgyu receives the prize, a bunny plushie, from the girl behind the stall, he immediately turns to Soobin, offering it to him. “It's for you,” he says.
“What? I can't take it, you're the one who won it.”
“Well, I won and I'm giving it to you. It kinda looks like you,” he chuckles, bringing the bunny up to Soobin's face. And it really does, especially with Soobin's slightly parted mouth, his front teeth peeking out. “Accept it or I'll be sad,” Beomgyu pouts. And may God himself strike Soobin down if it isn't the cutest thing he's ever seen.
“Okay, fine,” he sighs. “Thank you.”
It's safe to say that the bunny becomes Soobin's most prized possession fast. Along with a picture of Beomgyu he took in secret while the other was busy watching the lanterns light up the evening sky.
When he comes back home, he clears everything off from the shelf above his bed and puts the stuffed animal up there, making the shelf a Beomgyu-exclusive one.
After that, they hang out a few times more. Mostly after school, when their friends ditch them for the nth time. Together they've already visited the puppy café downtown, went to the amusement park, drank litres of coffee and ate countless ice cream. Beomgyu even took him to the record shop (the one across the town, not the one he works at) to show him his favourite picks and Soobin gave each of them a listen. And loved every second of it.
Throughout the weeks, Soobin learns more about Beomgyu. His favourite colour is pink, he's been playing the guitar since the beginning of middle school (because he had to sign up for additional classes and that was his pick), his mom is a nurse, he's a fan of The Poles and he sometimes draws.
Every day it gets easier for Soobin to act casually around Beomgyu, without becoming a stuttering, blushing mess. But each night after that, he has trouble falling asleep, thinking about everything he learned that day from Beomgyu.
Today, on a nice Saturday afternoon, they decide to go on a picnic.
Beomgyu jokingly calls it a date.
Soobin knows he's definitely not falling asleep tonight after hearing that.
Soobin brings blankets and pastries from Beomgyu's favourite bakery (he became a regular customer since he was shown the place, too) and Beomgyu brings drinks along with small canvases and a set of paints, choosing the activity for them, like Soobin asked him to.
“Hyung!” Beomgyu exclaims with a mouth full of his favourite chocolate cupcake with strawberry frosting. “I'm gonna paint us, okay?”
“Are you asking for permission?” Soobin chuckles.
“No, dummy, I'm just saying I will,” he rolls his eyes. “Get ready for it, it'll be the best thing you've ever seen.”
“I'm trusting you on that,” Soobin nods, taking a vanilla cookie from the tray on the blanket.
Beomgyu's focused face is the cutest thing on Earth. His slightly furrowed brows, lower lip held between his teeth, tongue poking out at the side. It's truly a sight to behold and Soobin can't tear his eyes away from it.
He even forgets he was supposed to paint something too until Beomgyu looks up at him with a raised eyebrow, sipping on his strawberry milkshake.
“Are you just gonna stare the whole time?” Beomgyu scoffs as he reaches to the paint palette to mix colours.
“And if I am?” Soobin's answer comes quick, almost sounding cocky but his ears turn beetroot red. “I– I like your eye make-up,” he smiles softly.
“Thank you,” Beomgyu swallows. “Is that why you were staring?”
“Among other things, yeah,” he nods, trying to ignore the burning in his cheeks as he forces himself to focus on painting something on the blank canvas in front of him.
He looks around himself for inspiration and the pout on Beomgyu's face kind of reminds him of a puppy's so he decides to go with that. A cute Maltese with its hair put together in two little ponytails.
Beomgyu finishes his painting first and decides to hide it from Soobin and focuses on eating the pastries in the meantime but not without complaining about Soobin taking way too long.
Soobin thinks he might cry the moment he sees Beomgyu's art piece. And also die from embarrassment. Because Beomgyu painted himself on the stage with Soobin cheering him on.
“That's not accurate,” he complains.
“Oh, yeah? I'm pretty sure my memory isn't lying to me,” Beomgyu laughs. “You looked exactly like that during the spring festival.”
“This is embarrassing,” Soobin groans as he hides his face in his hands.
“It was cute,” Beomgyu hums, reaching out to uncover Soobin's face. “I liked you being my fanboy,” he confesses.
“I wasn't–!” Soobin just sighs and gives up with a roll of his eyes.
Beomgyu continues to tease him about it nonetheless, to the point of Soobin running away from him for a while. And coming back with a ladybug sitting in his hair.
And they just sit in the park enjoying themselves till it starts raining. Soobin internally curses every single deity there is because it wasn't supposed to rain for another week. And now their 'date' is ruined.
That is, until Beomgyu offers to crash at his place since it's near the park. And suddenly Soobin is the happiest man on Earth.
Being in Beomgyu's apartment makes him nervous. Okay, nervous is an understatement, really. Ever since he realised him and the mysterious girl from the record shop are the same person, he's been trying to get closer to him but he never thought he'd get to that point this fast. Well, it wasn't really planned and the rainy weather is definitely working in his favour and he isn't going to complain.
His eyes scan the place as he walks in, taking in the surroundings. It just all screams Beomgyu. The softness, contrast between fully black covers and colorful teddy bears on his bed. Dark walls of his room decorated with Polaroids of him and his band, multiple posters and stickers. It's so him and it makes Soobin smile to himself. He also notices the bouquet he gave Beomgyu at the spring festival. It's dried and placed on the wall above his desk. Cute, is all Soobin can think as he waits for Beomgyu to bring him dry clothes he could change into.
The clothes turn out to be a bit too small for him but it's better than sitting in soaked ones. Though he can't say he would complain if Beomgyu didn't change from them.
Beomgyu suggests for Soobin to stay at his place till the rain stops.
Soobin is not strong enough to refuse him.
They're lying on the couch in the living room, some boring k-drama playing in the background when Soobin notices how Beomgyu's eyes are already closed, breathing calm and steady. He also notices the make-up still on the boy's face: the eyeliner star, blue mascara and whatever else he had on, Soobin wasn't an expert.
“Beomgyu,” he shakes the boy laying next to him, now snoring quietly. He groans in defeat when the other doesn't budge, instead walking away to the bathroom, searching for the make-up remover and cotton pads.
When he comes back, he takes a seat on the floor so he has the best access to Beomgyu's face and begins wiping the make-up off his face gently. He holds Beomgyu's head in his palm, keeping it steady. His own head is getting dizzy, overwhelmed by the sudden closeness and the sheer intimacy of the gesture. His fingers are soft against the cotton pad, careful and precise in their movements.
Once he's done with the make up, he takes a closer look at Beomgyu and his heart twists painfully in his chest. His eyes soften and his guard is fully down now. He's never seen anyone so beautiful, that was established a long time ago. But now, getting to see Beomgyu's bare face only confirms that. The boy's skin glows warmly in the dim light, the sight breathtaking. His hair cascades over his face, the bleached stripes scattered across his scalp now rather than perfectly aligned. It makes him look so natural, childish even.
He doesn't know for how long he's been sitting like that, just observing Beomgyu's face. The only thing he knows is that he's absolutely fucked. He never thought he'd find himself admiring someone this way, let alone a guy. However, he's aware that it doesn't really matter about who he feels this way. He knows his friend is gonna cheer him on and support him anyway. That's all he cares about. Because as long as he has Hueningkai by his side, everything's gonna work out, like it always did for them.
Beomgyu groans in his sleep, stirring on the couch. “Hyung,” he murmurs groggily, rubbing his eyes. “What're you doing?”
“Nothing, I was just taking off your make-up 'cause you wouldn't wake up,” Soobin chuckles, pointing to the cotton pads on the coffee table. Beomgyu's eyes snap open before softening as he lets out a yawn.
“Thank you,” he whispers. “I'm sorry for falling asleep like that, we had a long practice earlier.”
“It's okay,” Soobin shakes his head. “I should get going, it's late already, you need your rest,” he says, getting up from the floor.
“No, you can– stay the night? If you want to– the rain hasn't stopped yet,” Beomgyu offers, voice hesitant, a hint of uncertainty in his eyes. The casual request has Soobin's pulse spiking up at least ten times, his heart hammering in his chest. “Unless you've got any plans tomorrow.”
“I'd love to but I shouldn't, I don't want to intrude.”
“Well, I want you here,” Beomgyu shrugs. “I don't mind having people over and my mom's working the night shift so she won't be back till morning, if that's what you're worried about.”
“Okay! Yeah, uh, I'll stay,” he's trying not to let it show that he's freaking out but the soft smirk painting Beomgyu's face tells him it's not working.
Coming over to his place was crazy enough but staying the night? He's gonna explode. He has to glue his lips together so he doesn't let everything spill out. How he knows about Beomgyu working at the record shop; how his friend would tease him about his crush on him since the beginning of the year but he's only realised it recently; how he likes him so much it hurts him physically to look at him because his guts twist and head gets dizzy.
“I really love your songs,” Soobin blurts out suddenly, the stretching out silence provoking him to speak whatever he thinks.
“I'm glad,” Beomgyu chuckles.
“I'm serious. I mean, obviously I am. But I honestly didn't think I would. When Hyuka first dragged me to your concert I was a bit sceptical,” he pauses when he notices the confusion on the other's face as he mentions his friend. “Yeonjun's boyfriend,” he clarifies and Beomgyu nods immediately.
“Ahh, Mr. Huening sweetiepie cookie-wookie-pookie Kai!” he exclaims, making fun of the nickname his best friend uses for his boyfriend.
“Does he really call him that?!” Soobin bursts with laughter, holding his stomach tightly. “I'm not gonna let Hyuka live this down,” he announces, determined. “Anyway, back on subject. I didn't think I'd enjoy the concert, thought you're just gonna be another useless school band with no talent. Safe to say, I was glad to be proven absolutely wrong. You're all amazing, your songs are hypnotizing,” he compliments. “I think my favourite song is Run Away, I could die listening to it and be happy.”
“That's definitely an exaggeration, hyung,” Beomgyu rolls his eyes, not believing any of his words.
“Seriously! I'd sell my soul to hear it for the first time again, I loved it,” the shit-eating grin on his face never drops and, if anything, it gets even wider when he notices Beomgyu's ears turn red.
“I could play something for you now,” he offers, trying to keep it cool, as if his entire body wasn't burning up now. Soobin's eyes light up like little lanterns in the middle of the sea for the ship to follow.
“You'd do that?” he barely gets out, throat tight with excitement.
“Yeah, just don't die from joy,” Beomgyu scoffs, getting up to fetch his guitar. It wasn't the one he played on during concerts, Soobin notices. This one is acoustic and it makes Soobin wonder how differently the song will sound.
Soobin sure as hell is dying from joy. He's dying and what's playing before his eyes is his seven minutes. He's going to heaven.
“Close your mouth, you'll catch a fly,” Beomgyu teases, sitting back on the couch, this time with the guitar in his hands.
“Sorry, you're pretty,” Soobin speaks before he thinks. “Sorry,” he repeats.
“Why're you apologising for complimenting me?” Beomgyu laughs, his expression amused.
“Sorry,” there it is again.
“Seriously, stop. Thank you, and apologies accepted,” he smiles warmly and, oh, Soobin wants to tell him how pretty he looks again.
“God, I'm so in love with you,” slips out instead and Soobin freezes, trying to convince himself he didn't say it out loud. But the look on Beomgyu's face tells him he did. “Shit, I'm sorry– fuck, I'm so stupid,” he panics, getting up from the floor, his face red, neck flushed. “I'm sorry, I really should've just went home– I'll go now,” he starts picking up his things shakily, fear eating at him. His head is dizzy again and this time it's the bad kind of dizzy. The nauseating one that had him leaving school without permission daily back in middle school. For a second, he just stands in the middle of Beomgyu's living room without a clue on what he should do now.
“Hyung,” Beomgyu's voice is distant in his ears, muffled by all of his buzzing thoughts. “Soobinnie-hyung,” he tries again, his voice a hum. It's a nickname only Hueningkai had ever used on him and it happened once. Hearing it now makes his brain short-circuit before the gears start moving again, calmer. “Please, sit down. I don't want you to leave,” he repeats, his tone reassuring. Soobin can't help but think about how he's probably gonna get yelled at the second he takes a seat so he covers his ears as he does. He's met with such a gentle tone instead that it makes him flinch. “Can I play you that song?” is what Beomgyu asks. “I've got one nobody has heard yet, it's not finished but…I think you're the one person that deserves to hear it as it is,” he explains and Soobin can only nod, his brain still overheating.
He just confessed to Beomgyu, how can he be so calm about it?
How can he just ignore it and offer to play a song for him?
He closes his eyes instead as Beomgyu takes a hold of the guitar. He listens to the strings moving slowly, creating a pleasant melody. It takes him a moment to realise that Beomgyu is not only playing the guitar but also singing. His voice is quiet, almost shy as he utters the lyrics in sync with the strings.
I once wished, 'Everyone but me be ruined'
I made an immature, foolish wish
His eyes open on instinct when he feels Beomgyu's gaze burn through his skin. They make eye contact and Beomgyu smiles softly before looking back down to his guitar.
He can tell the song is unfinished just by the way Beomgyu's fingers stutter once in a while but it's beautiful nonetheless.
Now, even the smallest things
I'll save half of them for you, take my hand
I feel like I've finally grown, even if it's just a little
You can take my half
His heart hurts. It aches in a way it never has before. It's foolish to feel that way, he thinks. It's not like Beomgyu wrote this song for him. But he can't help the way his stomach twists as warmth spreads through his chest.
I won't be confused about what I really want anymore
It hits close to home for Soobin and he can't hold back a laugh at that. He's not confused anymore but it took him way too long to realise his own feelings.
The deep scars in my soul are being healed
You can take my half
The tears appear in his eyes without his control or consciousness: one moment he's laughing at how real the lyrics of the song are, the next one he feels warm and wet trails form on his cheeks. He could take Beomgyu's half, whatever he wanted. He'd let him have his own half too. Maybe he already has.
When I'll give you half of myself
The empty space I gave you is now filled with happiness
You can take my half
Beomgyu's fingers stop across the strings before he knocks his nails against his guitar in the rhythm of the song, the final: “Just take my half,” leaving his mouth quieter than the rest of the lyrics.
“Choi Soobin,” he whispers, as if he was still testing out his name, trying to catch the sweet taste of it on his tongue. “I've had the stupidest crush on you for the entirety of highschool,” he confesses and Soobin's world stops. What? “Since that time I saw you when Yeonjun was trying to flirt with your friend on our first day here,” Soobin doesn't even remember that and it makes him feel bad. “At first I just kind of…looked up to you, I thought you were super cool and handsome in those glasses you still refuse to wear. I'm a fool for never taking the first step but it's hard for me to properly communicate with people, that's why I write songs. And that's why I wrote this one. I was planning to play it during the talent show and make it clear that it was meant for you and no one else.”
“Beomgyu. Choi Beomgyu,” he mimics the way the other spoke, his voice a bit shaky due to the tears he's shed. “I've been a fool this entire time for not noticing you earlier. Hyuka used to tease me, say that I have a crush on you and I'd just deny it because it sounded ridiculous then. But it's real now. The record shop– you're the mysterious person whom I fell in love with at first sight there. I was going crazy trying to find out who that was, I even thought you were a girl and Kai didn't even care enough to correct me!” he exclaims and Beomgyu lets out a giggle. “After the first concert I was dragged to, I couldn't get you out of my head, it felt like deja vu, seeing you up there on stage. And then I realised who you are and I freaked out. I'm the biggest coward in the world so, please, forgive me for all the stupid shit I've done but, God, I'm so into you it hurts me physically to even think about it,” he doesn't know where he gets the courage to say each and every word from, but he's grateful for it. He should've said that a long time ago instead of hiding and playing dumb.
“I need to confess something,” Beomgyu says suddenly, his fingers fidgeting with one another.
“What, did you kill someone? Did you just realise you don't like me anymore?”
“No, silly,” he scoffs. “Hueningkai only took you to the record shop I work at because I begged him to do that,” he blurts out and Soobin's jaw drops. “I thought that maybe if you saw me in a different setting, more casual…you'd see me as someone cooler than the loser from the school band. I was hoping I'd be more interesting for you like that,” the admission hurts and so does watching Beomgyu's downcast expression.
“You're the most interesting and cool person I've ever met. At school or in the record shop, it doesn't matter,” Soobin shakes his head. “I'm sorry, I'm the loser here. I didn't see you before because I thought that me ending up with a guy was impossible, just two months ago I was completely convinced I was straight,” he chuckles. “The record shop helped. Well, the fact that I mistook you for a girl did, which I'm sorry for,” Beomgyu only dismisses his concern with a soft smile and an expression that says it happens a lot. “I accepted the fact that I developed a pathetic crush on the girl from the vintage record store and so I was forced to accept the fact that the girl was actually a guy who I go to the same class with, which meant I was wrong about being straight,” it sounds ridiculous to say it out loud but the mental turmoil Soobin went through because of that realisation was no joke. “And now as I'm getting to know you more day by day, I have the privilege of discovering how amazing you actually are, at the same time realising how stupid I've been. I think that I would've fallen in love with you at some point either way, without the record shop. Honestly, it took one concert for my heart to accept you. It went like: yeah, Soobin, I'm gonna stop beating right now and the cause is actually the guy right in front of you on stage,” Soobin mocks an overly sweet voice as the impression of his own heart. Beomgyu giggles at that and Soobin is truly enamored by that sound. And just Beomgyu himself.
“If I'm being honest, I was about to give up on you and join Yeonjun's polycule,” Beomgyu scoffs. “I swear I've tried everything on you and nothing worked!”
“I'm sorry I was so oblivious,” Soobin frowns playfully. “But! I've heard that you and Yeonjun dated at some point?” he tilts his head.
“Oh, yeah. We both were kinda still experimenting with guys back then but we talked it out and realised we're better off as friends. We weren't exactly a match relationship wise,” Beomgyu explains. “How do you know that though?”
“Hyuka told me when I came to the realisation that you're the mysterious record shop girl,” Soobin huffs. “I was like: 'I'm straight and he definitely is too!' And then Hyuka said: 'Have you seen him? That guy can't be straight.' So I told him that you can't judge that by somebody's looks and then he went like: 'Oh yeah he also dated Yeonjun hyung.' As if your looks were more crucial to your sexuality than the fact that you dated a guy before,” that makes Beomgyu laugh. A full-on belly laugh, with arms wrapping around his stomach tightly.
“Well, I can't blame him, I was going for that definitely-not-straight look,” he bites his lip. “But I feel like it only attracts more girls. It's like everyone out there is straight!” he groans.
“Ironic, isn't it,” Soobin murmurs, remembering the how much denial he went through the past few months.
“Can I, uh–” Beomgyu suddenly blurts out before stopping himself. The look on his face tells Soobin he's feeling awkward, unsure. But his gaze zeroes on Soobin's lips.
So Soobin, feeling another wave of courage overcome him, leans in and kisses him.
His first kiss, his mind registers.
Then he realises he doesn't know what he's doing. What he's supposed to be doing.
A quiet giggle rumbles through Beomgyu's chest, muffled by Soobin's lips on his before he starts guiding the kiss.
And Soobin almost feels jealous, because where did Beomgyu even learn it all?
However, soon enough his mind blanks as Beomgyu climbs into his lap.
“Will you agree to being my boyfriend and number one fanboy now or do I have to work for it more?” Beomgyu muses as he pulls back, eyes staring into Soobin's soul.
The same eyes he fell in love with.
“Are you gonna dedicate me songs like Yeonjun does with Hyuka?”
“Nevermind, I can stay single,” Beomgyu rolls his eyes, attempting to get up from his lap but Soobin pulls him down.
“I'm kidding, I'm kidding,” Soobin laughs, hands wrapped around Beomgyu's waist to keep him steady. “If being your number one fanboy is a requirement to be your boyfriend, I'll even get a shirt with your face on it if you want.”
“Don't do that,” the scoff Beomgyu lets out is a mix of embarrassment and annoyance. Next comes a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Or you know what? Get it and wear it to our next show. Only then will I accept you as my boyfriend.”
And some sick part of Soobin really likes that. The thought of everybody seeing that he's Beomgyu's.
“Okay, boyfriend-to-be,” he agrees easily.
Soobin has never felt more grateful that Hueningkai dragged him to the record shop with him.